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Friday Humor - Playing Possum
Friday Humor - Playing Possum
By
Mrs. Cog
Have you ever walked into a public bathroom and suddenly realized you're in the wrong one? Where's the urinal's? Or maybe you've entered a room expecting to join a meeting and you quickly realize you're in the wrong one. Oops! Or you turn a corner expecting to see one thing and you find something entirely different. I almost walked off the top of a building that way. These are all examples of reality being 'real' and our expectations being entirely wrong.
Well.......I had a midnight visitor last night and he was the one suffering from severe disorientation. Mrs. Cog and I had so much fun with the images, video and narrative she decided to cook up a video and short story to post so you could enjoy it too. - Cognitive Dissonance
I woke at 3:30 am this morning to find no sign of Cog. My phone showed a bunch of texts and a missed call, all from him. This was not good.
Note Cog's tone goes from pleading to instructing to teasing and finally machismo.
As accurately predicted by several of our Two Ice Floes members in the thread beneath ‘Independent Cat’ something besides Tramp did indeed enter our cozy abode through the magic kitty door. Located directly behind Cog’s office chair is the custom cat door with a board secured to the window sill for Tramp to sit on and contemplate the world before venturing forth. We refer to his perch as the diving board.
I was already in bed sound asleep when around midnight Cog decided to turn in as well. He shut down his computer monitors and swiveled around in his chair only to find himself face to face with a plump mostly salt and pepper possum. Whitey was frozen on the diving board in sheer terror, only to increase in intensity when Cog began to talk to him.
Being the resourceful quick thinker he is, Cog reached for his iPhone, snapped a few quick shots and then began video-taping. I’m not sure if he was motivated to film in order to have something to laugh about later or if he wanted an accurate description of the ‘incident’ for the insurance adjuster just in case something went horribly wrong.
Now that I’ve heard his story and seen the video I am just a bit put-off he was talking the possum into remaining calm and playing ball with the exact same tone of voice he uses with me. Reading Cog is one thing, but realizing I am the recipient of his verbal propaganda after listening to him cajole and influence that wild animal while watching the master work on another… well, I just want you to know I’m on to you Mister.
Slowly talking his way past the possum, Cog carefully maneuvered around his desk. Aside from a few twitches of his ears, Whitey remained frozen in place. As Cog continued to film he interrupted his mesmerizing possum mantra and loudly called out for me to wake up. Alas it was to no avail; he was running solo for this little adventure. Leaving the office for a moment, Cog hurriedly scooped up Tramp and shut him in the bedroom with me. The last thing he wanted was to get stuck between two furry animals with sharp claws.
Retrieving a broom from the closet, Cog returned to the office still talking in the same calm soothing voice while he used the stick to open the kitty door behind the diving board. Whitey turned his head to look out, but remained frozen in place. Freedom wasn’t sufficient bait to overcome his fear. Cog quickly realized it was going to take a bit more encouragement than his Weirding Way and an open door to get Whitey back outside.
Returning to the scene with a second broom stick, Cog once again propped the door open with the first stick and used the second stick to gently nudge Whitey. Cog was a bit disappointed he had to stop videoing the episode and use both hands and had briefly considered using the tripod to hold the phone while he worked. But it happened to be sitting on the windowsill next to Whitey so Cog erred on the side of caution and ceased filming.
Slowly Cog opened the cat door and began to gently persuade Whitey towards freedom. Whitey decided to stop playing possum and reluctantly turned towards the cat door behind him, only to slide off the side of diving board. In what Cog describes as an amazing feat of possum dexterity, Whitey dangled from the side of the board hanging from his back feet.
Cog retracted the stick holding the door open and now used both sticks to hoist the fat, now hissing possum back up on the diving board. Finally back where he started, Cog continued pushing and lifting until Whitey’s front paws were out the door. Suspended half in and half out Whitey once again froze lol. Not to be deterred Cog poked a few more times and the furry guy got the message and finally departed. Cog says the last he saw of Whitey he was hurrying past the window on his way home to tell his story.
Still thinking on his feet Cog immediately locked the cat door, then located Tramp’s kitty collar with the magic magnet used to release the lock and let the door open from the outside. Freeing Tramp from his temporary exile, the collar went on with little fuss and Cog’s castle was once again safely returned to the illusion of security for a night.
I located Cog at 3:30 am where he had finally collapsed on the living room Lazy Boy. I had seen his frantic texts and missed phone call and asked what had happened. He relayed the story to me in its entirety, complete with images and video proof. We’ve hung out on the internet long enough to live by the mantra, “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”
I imagine Whitey got home after his trip to our house and burst into his dwelling. “Gladys! Gladys, you’ll never believe what just happened to me! You know that cave, the one on the big hill that lights up? Well, I found a way in and there’s a gigantic bear that lives there! And I came face to face with him. Gladys, you’ll never believe this, he talked to me! I was terrified! But I did just what we learned and played possum while he beat me with a stick. And it worked! Gladys, it was just awful.”
After Cog told me the story, presented his proof and we spent an hour laughing, we attempted to get some rest. Perhaps Cog was still suffering from a bit of PTSD (Possum Traumatic Stress Disorder) because he never fell back asleep.
The hilarious video of the incident can be viewed below.
Mrs. Cog
01-30-2015
- advertisements -
Dear Gladys,
We have met the enemy and they are Cogs
--Whitey (channeling Pogo)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ajl35IHiac
da possum whistle,
gertrud confirmed
I'm not sure what disturbs me more. The cartoon itself or you actually knowing of this cartoon. :-)
Possums are really cool..the only NA marsupial in fact...I really like them, they are the epitomy of an optomist, always smiling even after they get runt the hell over by a car!
A good animal for a human to behaviorially mimic in a boardroom/corp management setting, if that is your bent. 'Play dead', be quiet, have some sharp teeth ready if needed.....the only bummer is they can look convincingly like a wolf fur parka liner to the uninformed, and are consequently easily clubbed, killed and skinned as a trophy by the others...so if you want to roll 'possum' these days, try to act a bit more like a wolf when needed, so the uninformed are not quite sure exactly who you are.....bide your time, and be ready to bite, Hard!...better yet is the coyote, they will eat anything, bugs to bison, travel long distances and have survived the test of time below the radar...FWIW, I'm sure our ZH Brother Meattrapper can elucidate on this topic and knows all of this....
Love your stuff CD!...long time quietly lurking fan here! What more can you expect out of a coyote? I'm a grinnin like a possum, but not ready to get clubbed, runt the hell over, or skinned just yet!
Mrs. Cog and I are delighted you stopped by and left your mark on the old stump out back. Come back often and enjoy the view.
<Thanks you old coyote for carving your mark rather than peeing on that old stump.>
Metallica's One from the S&M album? Or was it Apocalyptica?
Cellos - Apocalyptica's Amplified
Now had this been a squirrel, things would have been dramitically different!
SQUIRREL!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jdyo4evwMxU
Tree rats is good eatin'! Mom actually got some grief from her dad a few years back when she threw out some heads he'd saved wrapped in foil in the freezer. They were going to be a "dessert treat". We used to have them with dumplings. Gave some scraps to the dachshund one time only to see her inflate like a balloon because she turned out to be allergic to them.
I have no video, but we still occasionally joke about our eldest's run-in with "the vicious raptor SQUIRREL!" (done in a Scottish accent, as per the Rabbit skit in the Monty Python movie).
We were living in a small town just north of Atlanta at the time, and the backyard had numerous pine and cedar trees in it; one treat was watching a red-tailed hawk eat a pigeon across from the back window. Anyhow, we had a screened porch, and a squirrel who was resourceful enough to get in but not intelligent enough to leave the same way. We became aware of it when our pet at the time, Penny the appallingly hyperactive Jack Russell terrier, became unhinged, and started trying to dig through the back door.
We tried to keep her confined, but eldest (maybe ten or twelve at the time) didn't see the squirrel, and opened the back door to see what Penny was barking at. ZIP! Never has a small dog traveled so fast, and she and the squirrel proceeded to make a chase, the squirrel jumping along about four feet off the ground (Penny was about a foot at the shoulder, and not a jumper) and running along all four walls of the porch on the screen, while the little dog was noisily losing its mind chasing after it on the floor level.
To atone for the strategic error of opening the back door, eldest child GRABBED the squirrel, to set it loose away from Penny; the squirrel, not impressed, sank it's teeth in a finger and HELD ON. I grabbed the pooch, eldest went outside and released the squirrel, which finally let go of the finger and scampered up the nearest tree. The dog eventually re-located its mind but spent the rest of the afternoon looking for another one to invade the porch, which thankfully never happened.
Eldest spent a painful night as the finger tissues pointed out the folly of attempting to reason with a squirrel by grasping it, but recovered fully. The local Ag extention agent and two veterinarians reassured us that rabid squirrels are a null set, and for a time things relapsed to "normal" at our house.
Penny died years ago of extreme old age, and eldest has now graduated from university, but we stiil occasionally bring up the "hideous, vicious RAPTOR squirrel" when the circumstances merit.
This from Veruca Salt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL60TcpoF4Q
Those are the stories that enrich a family for generations. The best part is how they morph and grow as each subsequent generation adopts it, then makes it their own. Long after you are gone your kin will be telling them to their own.
Haha - good call. Cog's adventure kinda reminded me of Buddy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-C0Av5ICYw
I had a neighbor who was terrified of snakes call me, on average once per year because a bull snake would get into her home. It was always right after they had malted, which means that they were pissed. They're not venomous, but you still don't want one of those teeth hooked into your hand.
That must have given you a good rush to turn around and see that thing inside LOL!
I've got 3 big dogs that run loose all the time...they play a fun game that I call "stretch". I don't encourage that but I think it keeps a lot of animals from getting too close.
"That must have given you a good rush to turn around and see that thing inside LOL!"
All I'm gonna say is my dignity is intact. I didn't holler or squeal like a girl and I didn't have to change my Depends afterwards. :-)
When that happens at my house I just take off my glasses and all is well.
Here Kitty!
Too funny!
For the first second or two my brain was frozen. Ummmm, that's not my cat. So what is it? Why, it's a possum. But possum's aren't supposed to be IN the house.
The Cognitive Dissonance I felt when what was there shouldn't be there, and what wasn't supposed to be there was........well, you can imagine. My biggest concern was getting bit and not catching the possum, thus having to show up at the local hospital looking for rabies shots cus I couldn't present an animal for testing. :-)
Hi Cog,
You can't get rabies from a possum bite, as their body temperature is too low for them to contract rabies. That's not to say you wouldn't get a nasty bacterial infection if bitten, given what they eat.
Little possums like the one that came in your cat door are pretty easy to pick up if you really have to. Put on a pair of heavy leather gloves, pick it up by its tail, and the possum will usually just hang there upside down until it can be carried outside.
Whoa Dammit, AKA ZH's Elly May Clampett.
Tail or the scruff of the neck. They really are pretty inept at defending themselves.
Here's an example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3tF3l7uL7o
LOL
I suppose I could have done an internet search at the time to find that out, but I wasn't turning my back on that little bastard for all the tea in China.
In reality I have no idea how long he sat frozen on the diving board after he came in since I sat at my desk working for at least two hours before shutting down and turning around.
I used to be pretty good at knowing when I was being watched. But now that the NSA spies on me all day every day I no longer have the killer instinct. Damn you NSA, damn you to hell. :-)
CD. As much as I enjoyed the possum anecdote by Mrs Cog, I was fascinated by the various books on your shelves and periodicals on your desk. Reading Brainwash by Dominic Streatfeild, as well as a few other tomes which are not government Ministry of Truth approved, is probably why the NSA feels compelled to keep you under close surveillance. ;-)
I have always thought that you can learn much about someone by what they keep on their bookshelves and read. Thanks for inviting us into your home to gain a little insight as to what you are all about.
My best to you and Mrs Cog.
When Mrs. Cog was putting together the video I had two thoughts. One, people would see the mess that is my office. And two, they would see some of my bookcase.
On the first I decided people should see Cog as he really is, mess and all. On the second I realized the really subversive stuff was still downstairs in boxes since there was no room in my office, so what was the harm in giving people a little peak.
And I do the same thing when I see pictures of other people. When Mrs Cog shows me an image of someone, especially in a personal setting, I'm always looking at the background to see what I can really learn about the person.
Checking out a person's bookcase really is looking deep into their mind. Beware because some people are posers and will purchase certain books just so they can display them on their public shelves in order to create a certain image. If I suspect this is going on I'll pull a few to see if they have been actually read. :-)
better call Turtleman
He's in the next county south of me. Doesn't get out much these days
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glitch
Perhaps someday I will relate the story of how I captured a skunk, drove it about 4 miles into the State Forest and released it without getting skunked. Or the times I defended my home from several porcupines that preferred chewing on my red cedar shingle sided house to chewing on something I thought more appropriate.
PS Cog. My little home town paper printed my article about mind control with your excerpts you said were ok to quote.
Would be interested in hearing how you avoided getting skunked. And good on the article with the quotes.
Cog,
I had only been in my first "home" for a couple of months (an un-lived in for 15 years former house of questionable repute). The porcupines had taken over and chewed up some wood and there was a rotted out large hole in the bathroom floor. After the skunk paid a visit to the garbage in my rudimentary kitchen one night (spotted by my very cautious and retreating sister) it was time to take action.
I boarded up the floor and bought a Have-a-Heart trap. I placed the trap near the bathroom outside my hovel and baited it with peanut butter and chicken. The next morning, lo and behold, there was a black and white creature in the trap.
If you are not familiar with Have-a-Heart traps, they are a heavy cage with two falling tin doors at each end. When the critter goes for the food it usually triggers the falling doors which lock. If you approach the cage from the solid tin door side, nothing can get at you from that end.
I got a hard rake and pulled the trap into the heavy cardboard box the trap came with. Now I had the skunk in the trap and the skunk and trap in a closed up box. It wouldn't have mattered much if the skunk had sprayed except an malodorous situation easily walked away from without getting directly sprayed. The skunk did not spray and I picked up the box containing skunk-in-trap and put it in the back of my 1941 Chevy pick up truck. I drove a few miles into the State Forest where I reversed the capture process. I slid the trap out of the box, opened the front end of the trap from the rear with with the rake fully extended and then banged on the back side of the cage. Out waddled the skunk away from me, never to be seen again.