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Steve Cohen Is Now Hiring "Creative And Innovative" Traders Right Out Of College

Tyler Durden's picture




 

To all 20-something math PhDs whose hopes of rigging markets and igniting (upward) momentum with the Fed's explicit blessing, leading to 8 figure annual salaries, had been dashed in recent years as Getco, Citadel, and all other HFT firms now directly cannibalize each other in a imploding market in which there are almost no size order blocks left to frontrun, pardon, provide "liquidity" to, we have good news: SAC Capital is hiring. Pardon: we mean Point72: after all SAC was busted for being the biggest criminal melting pot of insider trading in the past 20 years, but since its owner is rich enough to LBO the DOJ just by selling a couple of Monets, the only punishment was for the old SAC corporate logo to suffer a death sentence.

Whether or not the replacement logo is just as proficient in cooperating with "expert networks" remains to be seen, but its new, old owner sure has a sense of humor. Behold the Mission and Values statement of the brand new Point72 Asset Management website:

Our Mission

 

To be the industry’s premier asset management firm through delivering superior risk-adjusted returns, adhering to the highest ethical standards and offering the greatest opportunities to the industry’s brightest talent.

And:

I want Point72 to be a great firm with a strong sense of community that always acts with integrity and professionalism and sets the standard for ethical behavior.”

      Steve Cohen, Chairman and CEO

Like we said: pure humor.

But back to the good news for the Math PhDs who in the New Normal are better known as "traders."

Behold some of the career opportunities available for Math PhDs, pardon "traders" at SAC:

Drilling down:

Quantitative Portfolio Manager - U.S. and Asia

Apply Now

About Cubist

 

Cubist Systematic Strategies deploys systematic, computer-driven trading strategies across multiple liquid asset classes, including equities, futures, and foreign exchange. The core of our effort is rigorous research into a wide range of market anomalies, fueled by our unparalleled access to a wide range of publicly available data sources. Over the long run, the most creative and innovative Portfolio Managers have also been the most successful. The organization is structured to strongly support Portfolio Managers and researchers in their research efforts.

 

About the Role

 

We are constantly looking for Portfolio Managers who have an outstanding academic and professional track record, with hands on experience running systematic, statistically-driven, scalable trading strategies. Portfolio Manager candidates should have experience with all aspects of the research process including methodology selection, data collection and analysis, testing, prototyping, backtesting, and performance monitoring. We seek individuals who are innovative, intellectually driven with an intense curiosity about financial markets and human behavior.

Of course, when SAC, darn there we go again: Point72, there much better, says "publicly available" data they really mean "inside sources." And when they refer to "creative and innovative" PMs, they mean those who are willing to take on the longest period of jail time in exchange for not ratting out the boss.

And it that wasn't enough, SAC, ugh, Point72 is now going straight to college where it will hire "creative and innovative" math PhDs right out of math class to teach them all about the highest ethical standards of combing through "publicly available data sources."

To wit:

Point72 Academy

  • In 2014, the Firm launched the Point72 Academy. The Academy develops undergrads straight out of college into highly-skilled investors on an accelerated timeline.
  • From the day they start, Academy members have substantial responsibility and opportunities to contribute in a small team setting.
  • Today, more than half of Point72’s current Portfolio Managers started as Analysts and the Point72 Academy will grow that number over time.
Among the topics that will not be covered at the Academy: the definition of "insider trading"

 

 

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Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:26 | 5735496 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

the tribe needs to train as many people as possible to help them steal from the sheeple

 

 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:27 | 5735513 clooney_art
clooney_art's picture

Future Prison Goers.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:37 | 5735538 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Straight out of college? Would have better luck finding qualified people straight out of prison.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:41 | 5735548 lordylord
lordylord's picture

Hi, my name is Johnny Knoxville and this is Wall Street.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:20 | 5735713 pemdas
pemdas's picture

Why wiat until they are out of college? Like in music, their must be some 4 year old financial prodigies.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:31 | 5735761 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Isn't this the same jack ass who lost most of his firm on 9/11?

You might think he has tempted fate enough.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:33 | 5735776 Serfs Up
Serfs Up's picture

Ding!  Ding!  Ding!

/Sometimes they do ring a bell at the top.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 16:15 | 5735983 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

why doesn't he just hire kids to follow around the wealthy and connected so he can figure out who's buying who like in the original Wall Street movie. Bypass the college kids altogether

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:35 | 5735540 knukles
Mon, 02/02/2015 - 19:05 | 5736805 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

I'm with you Knuckles, but I think I'd rather see Jon Corzine doing life first. Just a personal preference.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:02 | 5735616 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

It disgusts me that America cannot get this SOB into prison.

 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 19:07 | 5736814 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

When the SHTF, (finally), I'm thinking there won't be enough lamp posts from which to hang these bastards.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:31 | 5735526 ZH Snob
ZH Snob's picture

just in time for the collapse.  nice career path, kids.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:01 | 5735608 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Somebody's got to serve as a fodder supply when it comes time to toss a few under the bus.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:47 | 5735563 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

How does someone get a PhD "right out of college"??

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:48 | 5735569 SethDealer
SethDealer's picture

Cohen can teach them insider trading

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:52 | 5735580 Consuelo
Consuelo's picture

What Ba'al demands, Ba'al recieves...

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:20 | 5735714 The_Dude
The_Dude's picture

Cohen must be growing a predilection for little boys....

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:27 | 5735504 reader2010
reader2010's picture

He could do even better by hiring those in jail for much cheaper labor cost.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:47 | 5735565 honkadoo
honkadoo's picture

Why not?  They'll end up in jail anyway. They wouldn't even have to leave their current "home".

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:31 | 5735765 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

He could do even better by hiring those in jail for much cheaper labor cost. 

Ivy Leaguers are probably better at criminal enterprises.... after all, those already in prison got caught

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:27 | 5735506 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

four words: soap on a rope

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:29 | 5735509 Katastrofenhausse
Katastrofenhausse's picture

Innovative = Generally Unacceptable Accounting Practices

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:27 | 5735511 agstacks
agstacks's picture

"I read avout the 2008 crisis in my undergrad classes..."

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:28 | 5735515 devo
devo's picture

Well it's going to take creativity and innovation to milk anymore juice out of this turd.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:28 | 5735518 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

<Understanding of market fundamentals and company balance sheet's not required>

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:31 | 5735528 chunga
chunga's picture

Don't ask, don't tell throw Steve Cohen down the well.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:32 | 5735531 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

recruiting from frats and sororities no doubt because they are going to get greeked in the end

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:32 | 5735532 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

Shit, I could tell them to buy gold and silver and lock it in a vault for free.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:36 | 5735539 Callz d Ballz
Callz d Ballz's picture

"I want Point72 to be a great firm with a strong sense of community that always acts with integrity and professionalism and sets the standard for ethical behavior.”

ROTFL

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:41 | 5735553 lordylord
lordylord's picture

Don't laugh.  A bunch of useless HR folk came up with that.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:10 | 5735669 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Oh ma aching sides....

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:14 | 5735694 heisenberg991
heisenberg991's picture

Ethical behavior means no paper trail, just send the inside information to Steve via strippers.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:51 | 5735572 Consuelo
Consuelo's picture

"To all 20-something math PhDs whose hopes of rigging markets and igniting (upward) momentum with the Fed's explicit blessing, leading to 8 figure annual salaries, had been dashed in recent years as Getco, Citadel, and all other HFT firms now directly cannibalize each other in a imploding market in which there are almost no size order blocks left to frontrun, pardon, provide "liquidity" to, we have good news"

Gawd that has to be one of the finest pieces of cynicism I've ever read - and all True!   Wonderfully done ZH -

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:07 | 5735642 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Cycnicism?  Sorry, I don't see it.

Tue, 02/03/2015 - 14:55 | 5739817 Livermore Legend
Livermore Legend's picture

"......almost no size order blocks left to frontrun....

Indeed.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 14:54 | 5735578 10mm
10mm's picture

Satan recruits.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:01 | 5735609 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Sociopath Academy

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:06 | 5735649 comrade rally monkey
comrade rally monkey's picture

Market anomalies: =citadel hft on/off.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:08 | 5735652 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Only Tribesmen and Tribesladies need apply. 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:08 | 5735655 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Our mission: BTFD

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:14 | 5735661 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Our Mission:

 

Create TFD;

Buy TFD;

Profit;

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:08 | 5735660 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Looking for Fall Guy. Apply within.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:17 | 5735698 drivenZ
drivenZ's picture

Steve cares about the kids. Why let them toil away at NASA or a Cancer researcher lab somewhere when they could be making millions (while Steve makes billions).  The guy is a true hero. 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:23 | 5735727 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

 

 

 

Is it just me or does the symbol above "Ethics and Integrity" look like an Asshole?

 

Not that I've ever seen one.

 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:45 | 5735850 Thisson
Thisson's picture

Well if not that one, what about the one for "Community" ?

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 15:37 | 5735799 whoknoz
whoknoz's picture

love that "Ethics" avatar: an emty room surrounded by legions of points representing the top down view of the heads of the people involved...

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 16:21 | 5736012 Sanity Bear
Sanity Bear's picture

wanted: fresh psychopaths with no experience-compelling caution in their risk models

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 16:40 | 5736115 Flatchestynerdette
Flatchestynerdette's picture

Sounds like the Neal Asher book I've just read in the Owner series where there are the zero-asset citizens controlled by the elite.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 19:55 | 5736485 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Yes, but how much is the "unforgiveable" student loan to get the kind of lobotomy necessary to prep these fine young folks for the scholarly trials ahead (they may not need them but they're mandatory)?

Will the "non-disclosure" include strange entries regarding nail-guns and "your kids"? Nothing like "ambiguity" to make shit tough to tie down.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 19:53 | 5736959 Burst
Burst's picture

Doesn't their own oxymoronic explanation of their investment success say it all?  As in the following:  "...fueled by our unparalleled access to a wide range of publicly available data sources..."   How can anyone have unparalleled access to publicly available information.  It doesn't even make sense.  Because it's, you know, publicly available and all.

 

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 21:15 | 5736981 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Good catch. I want you as my financial guru!

Minimum wage, 15 minutes vacation.

Skype me.

Mon, 02/02/2015 - 21:35 | 5737295 flyonmywall
flyonmywall's picture

Hey, any lemming can BTFD and call themselves a financial manager these days.

All you gotta do is read about an options collar in a book, and look like a financial fucking genius.

Until you get a 9 sigma move, and your collar is worthless. Bet you some of those retards don't even know how to calculate a 95% confidence interval.

Fucking retards.

 

 

Tue, 02/03/2015 - 14:54 | 5739807 Livermore Legend
Livermore Legend's picture

As I've told you Steve, pay me what you paid for "Chariot" and you need not waste your Time and Capital on anything else....

As in all things in this Life, you get what you pay for.....

Events will Demonstrate that KNOWLEDGE at a HIGHER LEVEL, not "Chariot" or anything of the like, is what is truly Valuable.....

 

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