Russia Deploys Nuclear ICBM Launchers On Combat Patrol

Tyler Durden's picture

Perhaps it is a coincidence that a day before John Kerry's arrival in Kiev (a visit which "coincided" with a 35% devaluation of the local currency) where among other things the US statesman discussed the possibility of official (as opposed to unofficial) deliveries of US "lethal support" to the civil war torn and now hyperinflation country, that Russia decided to put its nuclear ICBMs on combat patrol missions in various Russian regions. Specifically, according to Tass, "About 700 units of military equipment, including launchers are deployed in the positioning areas in the Tver, Ivanovo, Kirov, Irkutsk regions, as well as in Altai Territory and the Mari El republic."


The Topol, Topol-M and Yars mobile ballistic missile launchers have been put on combat patrol mission in six Russian regions, Russian Defense Ministry spokesman for Strategic Missile Forces (RVSN) Colonel Igor Yegorov said on Wednesday.


"The Topol, Topol-M and Yars mobile launchers are drilling combat duty tasks in six regions of the country with extended combat patrolling time. About 700 units of military equipment, including launchers are deployed in the positioning areas in the Tver, Ivanovo, Kirov, Irkutsk regions, as well as in Altai Territory and the Mari El republic," Yegorov said.


According to him, the time of winter combat patrolling has been extended to nearly a month this year. "This means that each missile regiment will spend about 60 days per year on combat patrolling routes," he said.


Topol is a ground-based mobile strategic intercontinental ballistic missile system. The Topol-M ICBM system belongs to the fifth generation of strategic missiles. The three-stage solid-propelled single warhead missile has a silo and mobile version. Yars is a solid-propelled mobile and silo-based intercontinental ballistic missile with multiple warhead.

Now all that is needed is for Emmett Fitz-Hume and Austin Millbarge to show up and to confirm the old saying that "a weapon unused is a useless weapon", especially if said weapon belongs to Northrop Grumman, Lockheed or General Dynamics.

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VATICANT's picture

Que the launch on UncleSam this year

Pooper Popper's picture

I guess I picked the wrong morning to stop drinking!



knukles's picture

Vladimir Itchiocrotchi ride multiple warhead road missle
Barry Obongobitchi ride blue girlie bike.

Magnix's picture

That is not going to solve the problem for Russians.

JRobby's picture

Looks like WWIII? Nah! Can't Be. What's on TV tonight? Brian Williams?

Your comment sounded like concern for the Russian citizens? Living. Raising families. Going to work etc.??

Well it never is about the "little people" who get incinerated now is it? That is just "unfortunate collateral damage, lives lost during a conflict that we all agree, was unavoidable....................."

BKbroiler's picture

let's hope the 1960's lugnuts on those things still hold. Or a banana in the tailpipe should do it. Or a strong breeze.

thees eez joak on qualeetee of rashan equeeepment.

ZerOhead's picture

I'm just hoping that the warheads are past their "best before date" in the event that they are launched to preempt our own preemptive attack.

BKbroiler's picture

My uncle worked at Los Alamos, he insists that even if the nukes are functional, the odds of firing them off completely as planned are right around 60-70%.  Back then it was about 30%.  He said "you don't take a scientific instrument with thousandth of an inch tolerances that can irradiate a city and give it to 2 high school dropouts and a history major".    I always liked his humor.

ZerOhead's picture

A 60-70% survival rate can still ruin your day. The launchers look like they would fail a steroids test.

BKbroiler's picture

preempt our own preemptive attack.

I like that.  It's like the Bush Doctrine on steroids.  

Yes those launchers do have that have that East German swimteam vibe to em, eh?  Reminds me of the Carlin bit about how all weapons look like dicks and war is just a prick waving contest, but if that was true Africa would rule the world.

TruthInSunshine's picture

Bullish for stocks whether they get used OR not!

sun tzu's picture

So if they fire 1000 nuclear warheads at us, only 300 will make it here. I feel much better now.

perchprism's picture


Yeah, but you're using a phony-baloney Mexican accent.

Paveway IV's picture

"...Well it never is about the "little people" who get incinerated now is it? That is just "unfortunate collateral damage, lives lost during a conflict that we all agree, was unavoidable..."

Looks like Kerry, Yats and Porky have gone full-retard to give the U.S. an excuse to invade Ukraine and/or otherwise stir shit up with Russia if this turns out to be true. More unavoidable little people losses, I guess:

From South Front and Kazzura

 Ukraine video updates: DPR says Ukraine planning terror attack in Debaltsevo

"...In the clip below, DPR Deputy of Defense Eduard Basurin announces plans for a Ukrainian 'false flag' in the region of Debaltsevo sometime in the next few days, to coincide with the Munich Security Conference on 6-8 February (this weekend)..."

"[eng subs] Ukraine prepares a terrorist attack in Debaltsevo"

[Transcript of eng subs follows verbatum]

[Deputy of Defense Basurin speaking] First of all I would like to make an announcement. 


The Donetsk People's Republic leadership has evidences of preparations for the provocation against the peaceful civilians in Debaltsevo planned on the eve of Munich Security Conference on 6-8 February, being conducted by the Ukrainian military command. In order to accomplish this, a bus evacuating people from Debaltsevo area is planned to be destroyed with artillery fire of one of the Ukrainian Armed Forces units in the next few days. 

We received this info today, in result of the interrogation of the senior lieutenant Marchenko Alexandr Sergeyevich, who was serving in the military unit number 0676, 25th territorial defense battalion "Kievskaya Rus" who surrendered to the DPR army squad on February 2nd in the Redkodub settlement area.

Ukrainian leadership plans to spread the fact shelling and deaths of civilians in Ukrainian and international mass media, to be used on Munich Security Conference in puropse of descrediting the Donetsk People's Republic with following recognition of it as a terrorist organization by world community.

Subbed video:

Mossad really does have the U.S. State Department trained well. Yats and Porky don't need training - they're probably on the payroll.

the phantom's picture

Parents with children who have Aspergers can now tell them they can grow up and become a world leader like Putin.


Headbanger's picture

What's with the down arrows?

I can't make this shit up!

centerline's picture

Must be a wave of pro-Putin monkeys rolling through.

Vergeltung's picture

seems to be the state of ZH these days....

General Decline's picture

Is it pro Putin or is it anti Obama? So Putin is on the red team now?

edotabin's picture

Why are they mutally exclusive? What if you don't like either?

max2205's picture

All time highs near again


Oh and


We launched some folks

Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Anti-Obama?!  Please.

Let me be perfectly clear.  We can all agree that I have been among the greatest of US Presidents.  No one would dispute that.  Well, they wouldn't do it using a cell phone. Or land-line.  Or the internet.

Blues Traveler's picture

O doesnt want putin to interfere with his Mbrotherhood agenda for MENA thus O is being a good sleeper cell.  

ZerOhead's picture

To many Hedgers Putin appears to be the only thing standing in the way of the neolib/neocon NWO of the financial elite in their stuggle against the great unwashed masses for global domination of everyone and everything until the end of time. (It's for their kids after all.)

They are probably right although I see the Greeks seem to be helping out lately....

centerline's picture

hmmm... death by eletrocution or death by hanging... choices, choices.  so hard to pick.

A Nanny Moose's picture

Hooker with AIDS vs. Hooker with Hepatitis.

sun tzu's picture

Putin has never done anything to most of us. Can the same be said about the cocksucking jackals in Washington DC and Wall Street?

BLOTTO's picture

Imo, their is no 'white wizard' on this planet as far as im concerned... they are all puppets under the 'All Seeing Eye'



HonkyShogun's picture
HonkyShogun (not verified) Headbanger Feb 5, 2015 1:27 PM

Because if we wanted mindless party-line drivel, we know what sites to go to for that.

HonkyShogun's picture
HonkyShogun (not verified) Headbanger Feb 5, 2015 1:31 PM

No need. You brought it here. And the scratched your head about why you're getting down arrows.

JRobby's picture

Well Head, you just do not seem to be maintaining the GPA that is expected from participants in this fine program......................


A wellhead is the component at the surface of an oil or gas well that provides the structural and pressure-containing interface for the drilling and production equipment.

centerline's picture

In a world of 24/7 propoganda, the truth is often in plain sight - drowned in a sea of "noise."

Who the hell knows who has what.  Reality is that everyone is on a "spectrum" somewhere.  "Normal" being a relative term.  And, I think it is fairly well demonstrated that in our times most who rise to supreme politcal power are in fact quite different than the general population.  High percentage of sociopaths, narcissists, etc.


disabledvet's picture

They just wiped put a city of one million.


"Mauripol is next" apparently.  


Why bother with the nukes when your psycho conventional means are doing so well?

giovanni_f's picture

(You watch too much Fox news)

First, the city you probably mean is not in Mauretania. It is called "Mariupol"

Second, there is no city of one million "wiped". What exactly do you refer to?

Third, this area of Ukraine is inhabited predominantly by Russians, just like DPR, LPR, Bessarabia, Dombass

Fourth, these Russians are pissed of that the president they elected democratically got ousted un-demoratically (and instead of waiting to get genocided by the Kiev Nazis prefer taking things in their own hands)

Fifiz, the battle started with the attack by the "forces" of the national Ukrainian army


Parrotile's picture

In view of the source of the "Aspergers" allegation - seems we now consider "American Pravda" (USA Today) as the source of impeccably honest, impartial reportage!

My, how the "West" has fallen . . . . . . :-)

Volkodav's picture

hopefully soon

country there needs leadership

the phantom's picture

more like... needs an enema.  I'm talking a full power wash.

Earl Slaughter-- Truck Driver.'s picture


More like stupid name-calling to me. 

alrightee_then's picture

It's called it came from the Pentagon (Pentagram)

agent default's picture

So Pentagon's approach to Russia now is Putin is an Aspie.  There you go, your tax dollars at work. 

perchprism's picture


They've been trying to pin the "lunatic" button on Putin for a while now, ostensibly so they will have some post ad hoc basis of justification for <<ahem>> eliminating him with prejudice sometime within the next several months.  

Earl Slaughter-- Truck Driver.'s picture

“What labels me, negates me.” 

--Soren Kierkegaard

(Edit: yeah I'm surprised too  no more got this: basic psy-ops along the the lines of "throw enough shit...")  I hope to fuck that the ZH crowd is astute enough to pick up on it and flip it on its head.

Anarchy 99's picture

@ headcrapper

you are truly a fucktard, LOOK AT THE SOURCE>

williambanzai7's picture

Pentagon that is an oxy for a moron

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

One goat to another: "Why do those guys from the Pentagon keep staring at us?"