Satirical Sunday: "Jobs for Jihadists" Applications Flood State Department

Tyler Durden's picture

Via D.C.Clothesline,

After U.S. State Department Spokeswoman Marie Harf announced that the long-term strategy in the fight against ISIS was to create jobs for potential jihadists, countless terrorists began filling out applications. Here are a few examples (along with a blank application for potential jihadists on the job hunt)... 



Please, keep in mind this is satire, ok?

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knukles's picture

Well, somebody gets it. (Circles within beheaded circles, h/t "The Girl with the Custard Filled Cranium" from DeptState)
'Nuff said and QED

BigJim's picture

Why don't any  of the contact emails end in .il?

serotonindumptruck's picture

This kind of perverted humor must be absolutely hysterical for Tribe members. Too bad for us gullible goyim cattle that we will be expected to go kill some brown-skinned semites in the Middle East who have wronged us in no way whatsoever.

This kind of juvenile humor should be expected from the likes of Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Jon Stewart, but they represent the interests of an alien race, who are utterly repugnant and disgusting in their nefarious ways.


johngaltfla's picture

Damn. I knew I should have purchased the domain when I thought of this last week:
StupidEarthlings's picture

To be honest.. (cuz i guess it needs explainin to some).. Yes..its fuckin retarded that the only way 'you people' seem to get it, is when it is soooo over the top, exaggerated,  'non pc' humor is used to express how fucked up the world is.. (YES  ...'ala matt parker /trey stone ' humor.)


THAT  Seems to be the only way fucktards seem to get a perspective on things.

And YES it IS disappointing. .. but hey..a point is a point..and maybe a few more of you 'get it' now.

Kinda sux that zh has come to this..but this appears to be evidence of what actually works.


Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

how about instead of trying to create jobs for them, we just leave those people to their own devices. Stop intervening in their affairs, bring all our troops home and keep them here, no matter what 'humanitarian crisis' pops up. You want to go to the middle east and bring 'humanitarian aid' or as a journalist/photographer? fine, go ahead, its a (formerly) free country, but go at your own risk, and don't be surprised if something bad happens to you, thats why you don't go to fucking syria...

One And Only's picture

I understand where you're coming from. However, you have to take a look at these acts they are committing and draw upon the lessons we learned from Hitler. The world really kind of looked the other way until it was too late and by that time we needed a world war and millions of deaths before that situation found a resolution.

I feel like it's a very damned if you do damned if you don't situation. It's hard to say "do nothing" when these people are running amok in the Middle East raping, torturing, beheading, burning people who don't agree with them. It's also hard to say "do something" because it's none of our business.

I don't know if there is a right answer to it.

McMolotov's picture

In a way, she's right about them needing jobs.

The Middle East is full of young men who do nothing all day but sit on their asses because that region produces nothing of value except oil. The state pays them (with money it gets from selling oil to us) in an attempt to keep them from overthrowing the government. The money allows them to breed like rabbits instead of allowing Darwinism to thin the herd. Eventually, they get bored and inevitably end up turning violent in one way or another.

If it sounds familiar, it's because the Middle East is the equivalent of an American inner city with a whack job religion thrown into the mix.

One And Only's picture

You really hit the nail on the head with that last sentence.

Headbanger's picture



As grenade testers, target stands, targets, vehicle crash test dummies, new medicine test subjects...

Dental school practice patients and especially... Fukashima cleanup techs!

willwork4food's picture

McMolotov's head gets sliced off in 3...2...1..

nmewn's picture

I hope I get the job, oh the suspense is killing me! ;-)

The.Harmless.Jew's picture




No, nmewn. 


You're needed right here.  The Hasabara Desk suits you perfectly well.


Defending the zionist talmudist paedophilic bankster ideals is what you're best at.   Why chance a career-change at this stage of your zionist-enslaved life right?


No, let the CIA, and other mossad operatives continue to work with ISIS instead. 


There's a good [Hasbbara] boy.

giggler321's picture

In other unreported news,


Nearly 500 miners rescued after gold mine fire in South Africa

nmewn's picture

Hey! Its my Mohamet troll-boy.

Hows it goin, fucked any goats today?

The.Harmless.Jew's picture



Say what?  


listen nmewn, you talmudist paedophile defender, and listen well: I'm not a Mohamet Troll-boy.


I'm a True Semite who is sick and tired of your Zionist Talmudist paedophile bankster defence, in the name of the real Semite; that's all! 


Your actions, i.e. your defence of the Zionist child murdering, Talmudist Bankster enslaving scum is what's causing more and more people to hate the Semites of this world. 


You're no different to ISIS.  They are causing damage to Islam, and you're causing damage to Semitism. 

Fuck Zionism and Fuck Talmudism, and above all, fuck their enabling supporters. 



mvsjcl's picture

Say what?


Er, then again, don't.

nmewn's picture

Ali Mohamet Yousef, son, boopsie, babe, goat fucker, boy lover (whatever) you're trolling me.

Get over yourself, you're really not that important to me.

The.Harmless.Jew's picture



Correction Asshole: 


YOU are the one who isn't important enough for me to troll. 


So, in conclusion, fuck you, fuck your zionism banksters and fuck your sympathies towards paedophilic Talmudists. 





BraveSirRobin's picture

"YOU are the one who isn't important enough for me to troll."

But, alas, you do. 

Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

NMEWN, maybe, just maybe, if you are REALLY good, you can get a job as a trustee in these FEMA camps I keep hearing about and pass out books to the rest of us.....

nmewn's picture

Ya think I could be trustee? Yeah, think of the possibilities, I could move right on up to warden boot licker and official toilet swabbie.

Why, I could be somebody! ;-)

juangrande's picture

That sounds like good reasoning ( I don't know about the Darwinism thing) and I agree. If you have work and have to pay for all of your children's needs, you're likely to procreate less. But there is something else they have in common. People of Europe or European descent  have not treated them very well in the past and present. That plays a big part in the equation as well.

Angus McHugepenis's picture

McMolotov: I hear they even tried shifting all the Wall Street banking jobs over to the ME but nobody wanted those either (/s). Nothing says Success like being the 3rd cousin removed from a long dead Camel Lord and thinking you’re Royalty… and getting paid a nice stipend from oil reserves to do nothing. Who the fuck needs a job over there?

Almost forgot… those pesky Arabs are pretty good at posting YouTube videos of radical drifting stunts and smashing up their cars and bystanders shortly after. Darwin “wins” again.

ThroxxOfVron's picture

"The Middle East is full of young men who do nothing all day but sit on their asses because that region produces nothing of value except oil. The state pays them (with money it gets from selling oil to us) in an attempt to keep them from overthrowing the government.  "

Sounds like the best thing for the US to do is to:

1. Stop buying Oil from these places under any circumstances. 

2. Remove the US Military, State Dept., and US affiliated/sponsored NGOs from their lands entirely.

3. Prevent any travel or immigration by persons from these places no matter their purported wealth or skills.

4. Let these populations self destruct in their own sectarian and ideological sewer without costing the US any further blood or resources.


They can practice whatever they like over there in the M.E.; but, promotion of Sharia and the like should not be tolerated any more than trafficing in children or cannibalism here.

Fuck their monarchs and warlords and immams and ideologues.

Fuck the MIC warmongers and corporatist exploiters.  They need to learn to build products that are useful for more than destruction of people and/or property.

Fuck the equivocating p.c. douche-bags and all the statists and ideologically retarded bureaucrats that maintain that interferring in the name of civility or diplomacy or globalist aspiration or trade promotion or whatever is their right and life's calling...  IF they love the culture of these primitivist revanchist savages they can go live amongst them and immerse themselves in the experience.


Proofreder's picture

A greenie for the lucid comment, and 

+10 for revanchist

So good to see a post composed with a grasp of the language combined with critical thinking skills.

kaiserhoff's picture

The US did not enter WWII because of anything Hitler did, but because Roosevelt provoked a Japanese attack while pretending neutrality, and arming one side to the teeth.  Much like Wilson's high treason in WWI.

If you want to invoke historical parallels, please try to get your facts right.

Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

Hitler happened and "required" our intervention(agree to disagree on that one) due to our original misguided intervention in Europes affairs in WWI. The vengeful treaty of Versailles paved the road for hitler, or someone just like him. Interventionism begets moar interventionism. Same as always. Thats the lesson I get from history anyway. What you, and John Mccain seem to not be able to wrap your heads around is that we "intervened" for over a decade, and had lots and lots of troops on the ground and took over the entire country of iraq. A decade later, trillions wasted and thousands of US troops killed and the result? ISIS and all the clusterfuck-ery. So lets say we intervene again. We say say mission accomplished and leave, only to have something else like this happen. We fucked that entire region up, but eventually you just have to cut your loses and move on. Further involvment will make it worse, not better. For a historical example of why this will happen, see: right now

One And Only's picture

That part of the world has been fucked up long before America got on the scene. In fact that part of the world has never not been fucked up. So I don't buy the premise of your argument.

garypaul's picture

So if a country has a stable government and good conditions for people (though not always great), and the CIA installs a coup to cause chaos, that doesn't count? Read any good reliable history book. There are many many examples of this around the world.

Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

"That part of the world has been fucked up long before America got on the scene"

That sounds like yet another argument in my favor, in favor of noninterventionism. If that pace has been fucked up long before we got there, what makes you think US military power is going to change that? We are going to go in and forcefully install 'democracy' on a culture that doesnt want it? I don't think so. Your argument is another one for leaving those people to their own devices. They want to live like barbarians cutting peoples heads off? Go right ahead. Doesn't sound like a threat to mainland America to me. Its only a threat to Americans who are in that region. Simplist way to solve that is stop sending our people there.

Matt's picture

"We fucked that entire region up, but eventually you just have to cut your loses and move on."

No, you broke it, you bought it. America should have to stay in Iraq until the whole country is at least as good as it was under Sadam, along with all the other MENA countries they have intervened in.  

oudinot's picture

I hate to say it, but the Turks should mop up the ME right to the Suez canal.  Partition Iraq with Iran.  Let the Kurds have a small state centred around their capital Kirkuk? (I think that is their capital, I could be mistaken) they want more fuck them; take out /make a deal with Syria but stick with the Russians to stop the Saudi/pipeline (which is in the Turk's interest as they now have the Russian pipeline coming through their territory) make a deal with the Israelis with a separate Palestinian state which will recognize Israel -tell the British/American/French to fuck off and be happy it's Turkey's headache-they won't put any boots on the ground.The American.British/french  can sell Turkey weapons to keep the MIC happy and tell the Germans and Japanese to finance the arm purchases,

Turkey has to go to good old war; its already seeming to start.

When the Ottoman Empire had that area it was relatively peaceful.  Lawrence of Arabia,WW1,  before he died, regretted taking the Ottomans out in the Levant and essentially   giving it to the colonials-which now include the US- and they have fucked it up royally.

Let the regional powers take over this incredible mess.

NeoLuddite's picture

How Arab tribalism works...

The West has been experiencing terror attacks because the tribes that send their young men to kill and die are not being punished for it.

The only way to stop it is find the tribe(s) that are sponsoring terrorism and exterminate them. Utterly. Totally. Completely.

Killing only individuals has no effect, they are not concerned with the individual; killing one terrorist merely fuels their determination and turns more of the tribe's children into terrorists. Conquering their Nation will have no effect. They have no concern for their nation or whoever happens to be controlling the patch of desert they are in this week has no effect on their psyche.

The ONLY way to get the terror attacks to stop is to find the tribes involved, send in mercenaries to kill every single member of the tribe. Exterminating EVERY ONE OF THEM... from the oldest grandmother to the 2 week old newborn.

It's what these tribes have always done to one another to maintain order. It works perfectly & it's expected... The fact that we have yet to actually execute a single terrorist simply proves that we are weak and an easy target that can be assaulted without fear of reprisal.

Yes, it is ruthless, yes it is cruel, but one harsh reprisal can save countless lives.
If only we weren't too cowardly to do it, proving time and time again to the moose limbs that we are the perfect target... cowards.

nickt1y's picture

Hiltler had German Engineering and technical abilities behind him. ISIL can not maintain a Toyota truck much less the airplanes and tanks needed to fight the West. The only thing that will let them succeed is our inability to man up and meet force with overwhelming force. We will also have to man up and deal with the inevitable bombings and massacres in a forcefull way.

o2sd's picture

Um, you know ISIS is a western intelligence agency invention, right?


NoPension's picture

I've had this talk with my pals. How many of us would make it to an orange jump suit, kneeling passively, waiting to have you head sawed off?
My death would be violent by stabbing or being shot. But it would not be passive.
At least that's what I tell myself.
I don't understand that mentality. But then again, never been associated with anything close.

XitSam's picture

The people that fight back don't make it to the published videos.

de3de8's picture

Those that resist likely endure a longer and more painful demise by example so the bulk go to inevitable death with " less" of a gruesome experience.

Usurious's picture



In order to justify Trillion dollar yearly budgets, the War dept, MIC, NSA, CIA, DHS, FBI etc etc etc needs an enemy and the mooslims and now Puttie Poot happen to be on the losing end of that fact....otherwise I completely agree with you

Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

I understand that, and agree with you there 100%. I guess the point Im trying to make is that while there are certainly people who do as you describe, nothing we can do can change that. What needs to be done, and CAN be done, is to wake enough people up so that they don't keep falling over themselves to support the next bullshit war these people you listed push on us just because a bunch of animals burned someone alive, and understand that since our involvement in that region is the cause of all this, it therefore cannot ever be a solution to it.

de3de8's picture

You guys are arguing with logic backed by facts, but it's government

indygo55's picture

The reason we don't do all that Carl is cuz we cant make trillions on miltary Industrial contracts. DUH!



JLee2027's picture

The zip code should be 666.

B2u's picture

Satire?  How  can  we tell the difference?

Bollixed's picture

Simple. If you look closely at those application letters you can see where it says. "Made by" in the lower corner.

So they have to be legit.