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Apple Unveils World-Changing Wrist-Band - Live Feed

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Judging by the euphoric exaggeration and fanboyism on mainstream media this morning, today's Apple Watch (not iWatch, definitely not iWatch) unveiling promises to be "world-changing" for the 'wearables' industry (as well as numerous "first time ever..." comments). Of course, there are 'watches' on the market already, but as Reuters Jason Fields 'jokes', the Apple Watch, of course, does more. The face is high resolution and in color. It even has apps that allow you to do a few of the things you’d be able to do if only you could muster the strength to dig your hand into the front pocket of your jeans, or do a little digging in your handbag.

Netflix crushed...

  • *HBO SAYS APPLE WILL BE EXCLUSIVE LAUNCH PARTNER FOR STAND ALONE

Apple TV sales are doing so well, they are cutting prices?

  • *APPLE HAS SOLD 25 MLN APPLE TV UNITS TO DATE
  • *APPLE LOWERING APPLE TV ENTRY PRICE TO $69, FROM $99

Everything else...

  • *APPLE SAYS 700M IPHONES SOLD SO FAR: THE VERGE
  • *COOK: APPLE PAY OFF TO `MOST AMAZING' START
  • *COOK SAYS APPLE PAY SUPPORTED BY MORE THAN 2,500 BANKS
  • *COOK SAYS APPLE TRIPLED NUMBER OF PLACES ACCEPTING APPLE PAY
  • *APPLE SAYS EVERY MAJOR CAR BRAND HAS COMMITTED TO CARPLAY
  • *APPLE: MORE THAN 40 MODELS WITH CARPLAY SHIPPING BY YEAR END
  • *APPLE SAYS MORE THAN 900 APPS TRACKING HEALTH, FITNESS
  • *APPLE SAYS 'RESEARCH KIT' TURNS IPHONES INTO DIAGNOSTIC TOOL
  • *APPLE SAYS WORKED WITH MEDICAL INSTITUTIONS
  • *APPLE SAYS USERS DECIDE HOW MEDICAL DATA SHARED
  • *APPLE SAYS IT WON'T SEE MEDICAL DATA

Macbooks... (because it was really starting to get heavy)

  • *APPLE SAYS NEW MACBOOK 24% THINNER
  • *APPLE SAYS NEW MACBOOK THINNEST EVER AT 13.1 MM THIN
  • *APPLE SAYS IT INVENTED NEW KEYBOARD FOR NEW MACBOOK
  • *APPLE SAYS NEW MACBOOK HAS 12-INCH DISPLAY

Apple Watch...

  • *COOK SAYS APPLE WATCH THE MOST PERSONAL DEVICE THEY'VE CREATED
  • *APPLE WATCH HAS `GLANCES' FOR THINGS CHECKED MOST FREQUENTLY
  • *APPLE SAYS WATCH ALLOWS FULL E-MAILS TO BE READ
  • *APPLE: `DIGITAL TOUCH' ALLOWS FOR WATCH-TO-WATCH COMMUNICATION
  • *APPLE SAYS PHONE CAN BE SET DOWN AT HOME, WATCH STILL WORKS
  • *APPLE WATCHES TO COST $349-$1,099, HIGH-END TO START AT $10,000

*  *  *

How The Market Is Responding...

 

A Gold Macbook!!!!!! BUYBUYBUY

 

Timex... or time will tell?

 

BNN notes 5 Things To 'Watch' for...

HOW WILL THIS WORK?

You’ll need to have a smartphone on you in order for the Watch to connect to the Internet or to cellular networks: it doesn’t have its own wireless connection (unlike some devices that have been announced, like the LG Urbane, which runs on a WebOS system).

 

There seem to be three ways users can interact with the smart features of the Watch: it has a touchscreen for some functions, a scroll wheel/watch stem controller for navigation, and a companion app for your iPhone (no, there is no sign you can get an Android app for Watch). Through these controls users will be able to access and customize apps on the Watch. Expect to see extended demos of software made by Apple (iTunes, iMessage, etc.) and also third-party content from the likes of Facebook, Twitter and others.

 

There also appears to be a fourth interface strictly for consuming: the glance. Developers working with Apple have reported the company is urging any on-watch functions should take no more than 10 seconds. Notifications would obviously take less, but that focus on saving time (reported by Bloomberg among others) has another salutary effect: saving battery life.

 

HOW LONG WILL IT LAST?

This is the most critical aspect of the Watch, and Apple may remain vague about it. A watch that lasts all day is an expectation, not an option. (The latest Pebble smartwatch claims to last for a week on one charge.) In September, Apple suggested you’d recharge the Watch “at night.”

 

But battery power doesn’t just affect whether you get your retweet notification at 7 p.m., but also what kind of apps you get at all. Developers have realized that Apple’s rules for third-party apps restrict access to some of the key sensor tech; NFC (near-field communication that allows for mobile payments), heartbeat sensors and even the gyrometer (for motion-sensing) will all be locked down.

 

You won’t be able to wave your hand to activate something like a drone with your Watch, for example. And TechCrunch is reporting that notifications will cease when the Watch isn’t on your wrist. That will help extend battery life, but may eliminate some of the hoped-for “wow” features like gesture controls or games designed to measure your anxiety.

 

HOW MUCH IS IT?

The widely reported figure is that $349 (U.S.) will be the lowest price for a Watch. What we don’t know is what the average Watch will cost.

 

Nothing that Apple sells now has anywhere near the customization options that the Watch will have, from multiple colours, metals, sizes, bands, and who knows what other options (Bloomberg says Apple even has a fancy leather charging box). And there is cottage industry of guesses about the higher-end gold alloy Watches from tech figures like Marco Arment and John Gruber, who peg the luxury version price between $5,000 and $20,000.

 

We might even see retail boss Angela Ahrendts come up on stage to explain how the Apple store experience could be rebuilt to create a Watch boutique to help customers manage all these choices. What Apple doesn’t want are repeats of this kind of anti-Mac Genius rant/performance.

 

HOW MANY WILL THEY SELL?

Analysts are all over the map, but one recent guess from Strategy Analytics suggests it could sell 15 million Watches in 2015, translating into a 55 per cent global market share. That suggests we’ll see a lot of sales for the other smartwatch makers too, as there were only 4.8 million smartwatches sold in all of last year. “The Apple Watch is the catalyst to ignite the global smartwatch market,” wrote Cliff Raskind, Director at Strategy Analytics.

 

If that sounds pretty lofty, don’t forget Apple just kicked AT&T off the Dow Jones Industrial Average index and its market cap is almost $740-billion. Consider this nugget of Watch prediction wisdom from Stratechery analyst Ben Thompson: “Apple is on the verge of leaving the narrowly-defined smartphone market behind entirely, instead making a play to be involved in every aspect of its consumers’ lives.”

 

WILL THERE BE “ONE MORE THING?”

Do not expect news on the much-fantasized Apple Car, or the fever dream that is an Apple TV. Don’t plan on hearing new details about Beats Music service and don’t expect any news on bigger Microsoft Surface-style “pro” iPads. At most, there could be a Macbook update, or some other cheering about a peripheral product. This is Apple Watch’s second debut, but it will still take centre stage because we’re much closer to its arrival in stores: Most expect it will ship in April.

*  *  *

Live Feed (via Apple - note, only works on Apple products) - click image for link to feed

 

Alternative Live Feed (via CNET)

*  *  *

Some thoughts on Apple Watch...

 

*  *  *

Via Ransquawk, The following report provides a useful overview of some of Apple's biggest suppliers for iPhone parts, ahead of the well anticipated launch of the expected Apple Watch at the media event scheduled for 1700GMT/1200CDT March 9th 2015.

MAIN POINTS:

APPLE WATCH

As this event is expected to unveil the Co.’s watch product for the first time, the full list of suppliers for the Apple Watch is unknown as of yet. However, based on previous products, firms that could benefit from the launch include: Quanta Services (PWR), Micron (MU), NXP Semiconductors (NXP), Texas Instruments (TXN), Maxim (MMS) and Broadcom (BRCM). Furthermore, after last year’s media event, Goldman Sachs suggested the Apple Watch could include flexible OLED display supplied by Universal Display (OLED)

Conversely, firms that may be adversely affected by the announcement include: Sony (SNE), Qualcom (QCOM), Garmin (GRMN). Of note, luxury watch brands such as Rolex and Omega are not expected to be greatly impacted by the release.

MAIN FEATURES:

  • Sizes - Expectations are for 2 iWatch sizes and 3 styles.
  • Prices - Expected to start from USD 349 (Apple Watch Sport), with further price points of USD 350, USD 550 and USD 950.
  • Battery life – Apple is currently targeting 2.5 hours of ‘heavy’ use or 3.5 hours of ‘standard’ use. However, users will likely only be actively interacting with the device at short intervals throughout the day. As such, aims were for 3-4 days of standby or sleeping mode, but have now been lowered to 2-3 days. This could prove decisive in terms of customer appeal as iPhone models with short battery life have come under increased scrutiny in the past.
  • Features: Heart rate at a glance, iPhone companion app, music, improved interactivity features that most other smart watches.

Many technology firms have been exploring the increasingly popular world of wearable technology, and the iWatch has the potential to pack-in a lot of new features including the technology for a wellness and fitness tracker, wireless charging, flexible OLED screens, and NFC support for Apple’s potential mobile payments system, however this all remains speculation. One big sticking-point with investors could be the bill though, with suggestion that the price-tag will be in excess of USD 300, making it substantially more expensive than similar products on the market.

OTHER POTENTIAL PRODUCTS – Update to MacBook Air...

Could include:

  • Retina display
  • Faster CPU
  • Thinner bezel display
  • Pressure-sensitive touchpad

*  *  *

The Onion's forecast on the Apple Watch features...

  • 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
  • Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
  • Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
  • Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company
  • Adjustable ticking volume
  • All the convenience of a traditional watch that needs to be charged every 12 hours
  • Built-in thinkpiece regarding the increased connectivity yet simultaneous isolation of the millennial generation
  • Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
  • Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device
  • Another screen to throw into your current rotation of things you look at

*  *  *

And finally...

 

- advertisements -

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Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:56 | 5869921 Mercury
Mercury's picture

iPlease...

A computer on your wrist might be good for...something but Apple is dreaming if they think Moore's Law and the economics of retail luxury goods can exist symbiotically.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:56 | 5869943 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

And the FED says apple wrist watches may be considered money, but gold isnt.

 

RIPS

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:02 | 5869975 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Wait till it becomes the dominant way of paying for stuff in the store (with your PIN or fingerprint as the Biometric verifier).

When TPTB get enough sheep to go cashless, cash will become obsolete because of the "Cost on cash" (allegedly, due to "Handling costs" of Phyz Currency).

Oh fuck, I shouldn't go giving them ideas, given that their trolls surf/lurk here and will no doubt run off to their handlers (who'll go to their bosses) to pass of the idea as their own. Fucking parasites!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:07 | 5870001 r101958
r101958's picture

"World Changing" ???? Really?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:08 | 5870002 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I don’t think it would look better on my wrist than the gold Rolex.

Although, I would get one if it included a phaser with a “kill” setting on it.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:14 | 5870018 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

 

 

iWatch - so that you too can be stylin standing in bread lines.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:21 | 5870062 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

OMFG!!  I GOTTA GET ONE!!

I WANT IT SO BAD!

HOW DID I EVER LIVE THIS LONG WITHOUT ONE!!

Nahhh... Think I'll but moar ammo instead...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:24 | 5870071 Manthong
Manthong's picture

If you can move all of your ammo on a two wheel dolly, you don't have enough.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:36 | 5870082 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

I use a forklift

Am I good??

Nahhhhh...

And I wish CNET would just STFU!

This is just another POS for the painfully insecure neurotic dweebs out there.

Hope that CNET bimbo shoves her foot up that dweebs ass soon.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:48 | 5870160 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Wrist watch? Apple is one step away from Frankenstein bolts...they will just implant an electronic gadget in the side of your neck.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:00 | 5870190 WhyDoesItHurtWh...
WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

I still just look at the sun and make a ruff calculation.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:18 | 5870235 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Just another electronic gadget to destroy and degrade our spirits further.

Whats the use of doing something faster or looking better when its at the expensive of our spirituality?

.

No technology, no electronic gadget, nothing that Apple can invent - can duplicate the love and spirit of direct contact with each other.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:56 | 5870398 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

LoL...I´ll give it a week after sales commence and you´ll have blowjob clips for your fucking apple watch to wack off too...and it´ll even sense your upcoming money shot and start to vibrate.  Progress!!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 15:04 | 5870410 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

I'm proud to have the spirituality of a feral hog.

It keeps me from getting distracted by more important things.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 16:32 | 5870763 Cadavre
Cadavre's picture

Apple has finally reduced the world for bling conscious muggles to less than 2 inches.

Bloomberg said the "watch us" watch does not look like a Steve Jobs' product. During the PR Bloomberg event their were images of the watch. There appeared to be a "666" burned in the display.

Great, pay 400 bucks so Big Brother can track us in style. I'll stick with mainspring watches - ya never know when or where the next EMP or cell phone tower jam gonna be.

Tue, 03/10/2015 - 06:19 | 5872496 winchester
winchester's picture

340usd for that... hmmm, ok i will take your lil 3 inch barrel gun instead.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 16:00 | 5870667 stant
stant's picture

Think I will wait for the i cheese straightener

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 18:19 | 5871149 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

It's ugly.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 19:26 | 5871376 83_vf_1100_c
83_vf_1100_c's picture

  If 2 years ago I had a 10'x12' storage room full to the rafters of CCI .22lr I would have made a helluva profit. 2 yrs from now I will be typing the same thing about 5.56 M855. Lead is the new gold/silver. Seriously, we have all lost money investing in PMs. Ammo has outperformed most investments out there.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:26 | 5870075 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

I-shit coming to a store near you  soooon

please make sure to do the line for this hot item

Pre requisite:

must have an iphone

must have an ipad

 must have an iwatch

and must have an mac-TV

100% finance is available for everyone , and we mean every sheeple

the item is only $5000 (yup 5k)

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:14 | 5870230 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Next up:

The Anal Band. Yes, it will be marketed as the i-Shit.

Tue, 03/10/2015 - 02:12 | 5872328 IronForge
IronForge's picture

iPLUG

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 16:03 | 5870674 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

Therefore I am not sure, if I like golden Mac products.

On the other hand it maybe indicates that TPTB are about to be ready to pump up the price of gold...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:26 | 5870081 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

Why would you need a watch and a smart phone?

Redundant?

 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:35 | 5870118 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Cuz obsessing over one screen is not enough.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:47 | 5870158 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Why both?

Many reasons..

-Stereoscopic viewing

-Multitasking

-Selfie wearing iWatch and Google Glass

-Talking to yourself

-No real life

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:12 | 5870219 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Why do you need the Watch AND a smartphone?

Because the POS Apple Watch has no phone capabilities.

On the other hand, this kicks the Apple Watch's A** for less money (and has been available for months:

http://www.samsung.com/us/explore/gear-s-features-and-specs/

And the Samsung is a stand-alone phone, unlike the POS Apple Watch.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:25 | 5870274 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

With a wrist watch and smartphone - you can time yourself how fast you can jerk off, while surfing the net in a random place.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 16:22 | 5870733 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

So only for real winners. Will this company aiming at such exquisite customers ever become successful?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:39 | 5870137 Max Steel
Max Steel's picture

i DON'T CARE APPLE .

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:50 | 5870165 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

yeah, that sounds sort of ridiculous to me. If I'm going to go out jogging and want to use my watch, I don't want to also have to carry my phone, because wasn't that the point in the first place?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:56 | 5870178 resaci
resaci's picture

watches ! i don't need no stinkin watches...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:19 | 5870249 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

This is the watch for anyone who doesn't know what time it is, or even really care. But it's cool to be seen wearing one.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:58 | 5870184 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Consumers are redundant.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:58 | 5870412 you enjoy myself
you enjoy myself's picture

Why would you need a watch and a smart phone?

i was trying to come up with a clever derogatory term for any asshole that actually buys one of these things, like "glasshole" for google glass.   and then it hit me - "asshole" is all that's needed.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:23 | 5870065 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

I'm holding out for the wristband iNuketm

Death, disease and destruction in all directions -- makes a great gift, too.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:16 | 5870238 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Can't wait for the iHeadband attachment...so that you can project the time at people as you walk past them, or use your new Apple Watch as a headlamp or reading light. And as you're walking down the street, if you want to get the attention of a good looking girl, at the push of a botton in your pocket, it will even display a red pulsating heart or winking eye. The possabilities are endless.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 18:00 | 5871055 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

fuck that I want the new wall street  tool:  I-BTFD

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:10 | 5870206 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Does it have an Airplane Mode?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:12 | 5870218 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Apple couldn't call it the iWatch because the NSA had already gotten a trademark on that name. And you didn't know that because it was done in secret, of course.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 23:42 | 5872074 KingGenius
KingGenius's picture

the iwatch, oh they call it apple watch. cause it is not iwatching you 24-7. a camera that follows you everywhere but isn't sometimes in your pocket.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:13 | 5870010 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

SHITE

Sent by my my shIteWatch.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:10 | 5870009 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Waterproof up to 0.0002 meters

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:50 | 5870166 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

so nyc in summertime is out.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:48 | 5870162 Rikky
Rikky's picture

>>Wait till it becomes the dominant way of paying for stuff in the store (with your PIN or fingerprint as the Biometric verifier).

 

what does everyone think The Mark of the Beast in the Book of Revelation is referring to?  Amazing this was written almost 2000 years ago and we're seeing it come to fruition today.  Everyone at some point will be forced to buy or sell anything via technology.  If you don't "take the mark" you won't eat, work or survive in our society.  The technology is there we just have to get the people to accept what will ultimately become their slavery.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:08 | 5870200 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

how would they launder their filthy drug lucre?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 15:55 | 5870653 Grinder74
Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:30 | 5870099 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

So the latest Apple toy is an iWatch which is supposedly good for shopping but is pretty useless as a watch. And, you need an iPhone too, for connectivity. And you need to recharge it every night or so. OK, I can see now Apple becoming a trillion dollar company...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:05 | 5870197 Hal n back
Hal n back's picture

i did not see any PM dealers as suppliers--I bet they buy shots of gold and have to melt thena nd form them teh Apple way, of course, in China. Wil china actually let gold leave the country?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:16 | 5870239 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Wil china actually let gold leave the country? Will we ever see gold-plated tungsten in an Apple Watch?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:56 | 5869945 1000yrdstare
1000yrdstare's picture

I'll take the watch on the right..

more pimpin, less techie...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:02 | 5869972 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Really going to hurt Apple  iPhone sales.

Oh wait....

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:12 | 5870000 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

My question is:

 

Now that the 401k MOMOS are gonna have to buy AAPL stock because it's in the DOW?

 

Are they gonna have to buy this POS to go along with it which comes complete with a 4PM 'Closing Bell' alarm feature?

 

More importantly ~ when AAPL stock finally tanks, will they just use the FAT FINGER excuse because all the little polka dots were too small?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:15 | 5870231 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

iDespair

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:52 | 5869923 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

On the bright side, purchasing an iWatch is like a self-selecting list for the Camps.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:15 | 5870037 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

Is there going to be a free Obama version ?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:28 | 5870084 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

I'm thinking you're gonna be emptying your bitcoin wallet to buy one.

 

Just think ~ You could have had 3 [if you'd have gone to cash in 2012]...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:33 | 5870301 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Holy shit ~ That dude looks like Fire Marshall Bill!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:26 | 5870078 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

Get your Apple Watch here - complete with built in RFID!! Wear it all the time, you have to (presidential executive order)

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:53 | 5869929 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

Wearables will become implantables.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:05 | 5869989 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

It is a good intelligence & 'think for yourself' test, however.

If you buy one, you fail.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:06 | 5869992 DetectiveStern
Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:17 | 5870044 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

BOHICA!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:53 | 5869932 ImpotentRage
ImpotentRage's picture

Hmmm, a bit late on the "world-changing wristband" bandwagon there Apple. PornHub beat you to it!

http://www.thewankband.com

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:04 | 5869979 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Rally and consolidate the neckbeards, and you can IPO a small electric provider.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:54 | 5869933 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

I will stick with my 20 year old automatic Speedmaster.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:05 | 5869984 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

I'll stick with my Dick Tracy watch I got for trading in Bazooka Joe wrappers.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:09 | 5870007 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

 

Citizen Eco-drive imitation "Oyster".  10 years old, Quartz, water-proof to 200 metres.  No batteries.

 

Wife bought me a Tag that I never wear because I'm afraid of scratching it up.

 

 

 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:21 | 5870030 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Rochefocauld

 

- Water resistant to 3 atmospheres

- Tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 16:40 | 5870783 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Mine tells time anywhere on earth - if you know the time zone and understand addition and subtraction.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:14 | 5870034 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

I've got a drawer full of watches.Haven't worn one in ten years, maybe longer.

As I said to Lady C the other day about summertime changeover;

Who wears watches anymore ?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:20 | 5870043 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Does anyone really know what time it is?

Does anyone really care?

 

Except [of course] Mr. Chambers...

Chambers: "What time is it?"

Computer: "There is no time in space. This is to say there is no chronology that can be calibrated."

Chambers: "I said what time is it, what time is it on earth? Can you tell me that without an exercise in euclidean geometry? Now, just tell me what time it is on earth."

Computer: "On earth it would be 12:00 noon"

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:59 | 5870188 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

On topic — "Time Has Come Today" by the Chambers Brothers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHfB63ln1Ig

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:15 | 5870229 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Ladies & Gentleman... THE TIME [in Applespeak]

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBsuFlfKCfc

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:17 | 5870234 StupidEarthlings
StupidEarthlings's picture

 

@ Thirst :

 

 

Loved that episode. .. tho i always had a problem with 'the time on earth is 12 noon' .... as if it were noon everwhere on earth.  :/

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:30 | 5870297 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

I kno right...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 20:02 | 5871481 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Since I no longer have to wear suits & ties, I'll stick with my Seiko G-Shock. Solar powered so battery never has to be changed. Sets itself by the atomic clock every 24 hours and I've never seen it to be off by a second (when comparing to an atomic wall clock). Alarm, timer, stop watch, and global times in multiple cities. Waterproof to far deeper than I'll ever need - 200 meters. Can take the recoil of heavy kicking rifles and magnum handguns with ease. - - And for around a hundred bucks. Pretty tough to beat - at least for me. My other, more expensive watches spend all their time in a drawer now.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:54 | 5869936 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

ah fer fucks sake.......

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:18 | 5870244 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

48 hours from now we'll really kno ~ won't we?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:54 | 5869938 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Made of Gold you say? Does it Tickle Your Balls if you're having a bad day?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:55 | 5869942 TomGa
TomGa's picture

iLisa

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:57 | 5869947 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

 

 

Coolest feature is the way it goes "Baaa Baaa" at ten minutes before the hour.

 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:57 | 5869948 Homo Erectus
Homo Erectus's picture

iBooooring

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:57 | 5869949 The Chief
The Chief's picture

Their mission: Make you look crazy for not wearing one.

Your mission: Make your friends, family and neighbors know that by having one in your presence, they become the enemy. If my company were large enough, I'd make it corporate policy that by wearing one of these on company property or on company business, it is a termination offense.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:34 | 5870112 Zoomorph
Zoomorph's picture

discrimination!!111!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:57 | 5869951 joego1
joego1's picture

I worked at Hughes Aircraft in Newport beach ca. where all the digital watch technology was developed and promptly given to the Japanese. I had a couple of the led ones. Batteries lasted about a day. Now I'm the proud owner of a $10 analog sportsmans guide plastic watch which keeps almost perfect time. I've had it for about 5 years now.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:34 | 5870116 suteibu
suteibu's picture

I have a solar powered Casio analog/digital world time watch ($32 on Amazon).  The Japanese thank you for all your hard work.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:22 | 5870265 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

You can still get a Casio calculator watch on eBay for $16...

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Casio-CA53W-1-Classic-Mens-Water-Resistant-Calcu...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:58 | 5869954 youngman
youngman's picture

If I see you wearing one..you automatically drop 30 IQ points in my mind...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:02 | 5869971 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

Can IQ go negative? I guess we are about to find out. 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:46 | 5870152 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Given the state of things, I'd say there's little choice in the matter.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:59 | 5869957 kowalli
kowalli's picture

dog collar

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 12:59 | 5869958 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

Potential Marketing Taglines:

1) "the answer to the question nobody ever fucking asked"

2) "exclusively for cunts"

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:14 | 5870033 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

3) "Telling the World You're a Schmuck Has Never Been So Easy"

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:19 | 5870051 Charming Anarchist
Charming Anarchist's picture

4)  Free!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:53 | 5870169 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

5) Now you don't need the iPhone to tell time!

 

6) You can tell the pawn dealer it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome and Gstaad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLo7tHDHgOc

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:19 | 5870049 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

4)"AppleWatch: The Next Level in Slavish Devotion to Trendy, Conformist Status Symbols"

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:14 | 5870225 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

did u mean state-us?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:25 | 5870273 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

I'm Tim Cook...SAY MY NAME!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:00 | 5869960 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

How do you wind it? 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:24 | 5870070 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Fucking-A!

LMFAO!

++1100

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:28 | 5870090 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Why, stick your arm out in the breeze you silly person !!!

(fortunately its wind AND rain proof)

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:02 | 5869970 Jethro
Jethro's picture

It's not everyday you get to see a modern Edsel.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:13 | 5870029 Semi-employed W...
Semi-employed White Guy's picture

Unfortunately for Ford, when they released the Edsel they didn't have their own lobotomized fan-boy army of millions that would wait in line to buy it.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:25 | 5870076 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Ha! True. I wonder if lemmings get excited by new cliffs?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:04 | 5869982 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

I'm waiting for the Apple Headband.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:05 | 5869990 Jethro
Jethro's picture

With any luck, it'll turn into a tourniquet.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:05 | 5869986 DavidC
DavidC's picture

I can't wait to see this.

So I won't.

DavidC

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:05 | 5869987 Hyjinx
Hyjinx's picture

Peak retard.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:53 | 5870173 Hohum
Hohum's picture

Peak? You are quite the optimist.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:06 | 5869991 Billy Sol Estes
Billy Sol Estes's picture

Wow groundbreaking, it can connect to the internet.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:46 | 5870153 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Through your phone it can connect to the internet.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:25 | 5870271 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

With a service provider monthly payment.  And my phone already does that...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:06 | 5869994 Billy Shears
Billy Shears's picture

"If ye love wealth better than liberty,
the tranquility of servitude
better than the animating contest of freedom,
go home from us in peace.
We ask not your counsels or your arms.
Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you.
May your chains set lightly upon you,
and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:06 | 5869995 venturen
venturen's picture

do I need google glass to use it?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:06 | 5869996 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

"What watch?"
"Ten watch."
"Such much?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Th0G8rkhBqg

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:07 | 5869999 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

dumb shit for dumb ass ..

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:10 | 5870004 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Ok, it's safe to wear your watches again.

Next up, the iCamera.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:19 | 5870052 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

iDumbass is in iOwner of an iWatchmyselfgettingdumber

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:15 | 5870233 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

eyecamera.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:08 | 5870005 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

Holy Mother of God!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:09 | 5870006 mattgallis
mattgallis's picture

Just sold my Patek Philippe watch to pick up 500 of these to go with my 900 other Apple gadgets.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:10 | 5870013 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

Perfect accessory for an aging population. *squints at screen*

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:36 | 5870306 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

Geezers like me can always opt for the Apple Pocket Watch version, aka iPad Mini.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:21 | 5870015 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Time to go long dermatologists.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:17 | 5870240 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

I'm sure oncology is going to be the natural progression in addition.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:16 | 5870016 Hyjinx
Hyjinx's picture

The near-future for this glitzy piece of crap (best demonstrated in the movie Trading Places):

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLo7tHDHgOc

 

Priceless.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:11 | 5870021 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

iDud.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:12 | 5870022 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Dick Tracy's was better. 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:44 | 5870148 silverer
silverer's picture

Yes, it was.  It left room for a gun in his pocket.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:12 | 5870024 10mm
10mm's picture

Apple Cock Ring. 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:12 | 5870025 wmbz
wmbz's picture

This will be the ultimate "must have" for apple worshippers. They will stand in line for weeks at a chance to pay $10,000 dollars for one. They really are zombies when it comes to anything apple!

IMO the watch is butt ugly!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 15:32 | 5870568 g speed
g speed's picture

looks like it's made to go with thick ankles----

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 19:15 | 5871334 Semi-employed W...
Semi-employed White Guy's picture

So Hillary will want one.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 22:35 | 5871921 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Crikey!  The house-arrest market!  Tim yer a jenius!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:14 | 5870032 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

When you see someone wearing one of these "watches", you will be seeing someone who is much more a part of the problem than the solution.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:15 | 5870036 asscannon101
asscannon101's picture

No shit, this really IS a game-changer! It will effect the fundamental way that we ALL live our lives on a daily basis! I'm going to wear it while commuting on my Segway!!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:36 | 5870123 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Wow, you can tell time by glancing at your wrist.  Definitely the most innovative Apple product ever!  I look for a ten-bagger in AAPL stock price -- I'm all in.  Seven billion inhabitants of earth and every one of them will be standing in line to buy one of these things.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:46 | 5870352 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

The only line you will see me standing in will be the one with the smarter blokes laughing our collective asses off at the complete and utter stupidity of the dipshits that bought one. 

I fear we as society are irretrieveabley fucked.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:29 | 5870292 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Will it be illegal to look at your Apple Watch as you're driving?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:38 | 5870314 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

If you have an iCar you can drive it using your Apple Watch.

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:15 | 5870040 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

I forget, does mocking Apple products put you on the no-fly list?

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:39 | 5870136 silverer
silverer's picture

No, but when they see that on your wrist, they're going to want to check everywhere...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 14:49 | 5870363 ReligiousAtheist1
ReligiousAtheist1's picture

No but it will definitely get the ishit ifans all over your nuts 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:18 | 5870045 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

The iWatchitfail will make the user more powerful than SPAAAAACE GHOOOOOOSSSTTT!!!

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 22:36 | 5871924 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

So, yer sayin' there's a spank-ray app? :>D

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:18 | 5870048 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

ZH making fun of something it hasn't even tried yet.  Keep listening to ZH on Apple, they've been so spot on thus far.  Apple's been a four bagger over 5 years, about the same time ZH has been around give or take.

The watch is going to be popular with active folks.  People like the big phones but too clunky to exercise with.

 

http://finance.yahoo.com/echarts?s=AAPL+Interactive#%7B%22range%22%3A%22...

 

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:39 | 5870092 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

re Apple's been a four bagger over 5 years..

Oh yeah? Hillary's been a four-bagger over 25 years...

Mon, 03/09/2015 - 13:38 | 5870127 silverer
silverer's picture

So go smaller with two devices?  I can see the issue here.  In reality, it's called practical realistic limits of marginal return.  Also, when your watch stops working, you can turn to find somebody ran off with your larger iPhone that you put down over there while you were exercising...

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