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How Christy Turlington Cost Apple $17 Billion: The Annotated Apple Watch Event
Well that escalated quickly.
AAPL stock surged exuberantly on news of a gold Macbook - ran Friday's high stops... then started to tumble on the Apple Watch release, but things got really bad once the Christy Turlington cheesey infomercial kicked in:
The commentary in The Verge was harsh:
- And Christy Turlington Burns is here!
- "She is incredibly impressive. She is Christy Turlington Burns."
- I can't even with this video. It's about maternal health in Africa, with Apple Watch product placement.
- Christy Turlington Burns sadly does not ride a giraffe onto the stage.
- This is so embarassing I want to die.
- "This is my fashion favorite I have to say." "Yes, oh yes."
- Christy wants to beat her marathon record, and the Apple Watch is going to help her get there. Because it injects dopamine directly into your bloodstream.
- Christy is going to do a blog on Apple.com about running omg.
And the punchline:
- Apple has reached the "forced fake Q&A with celebrities" portion of its keynote lifecycle.
End result not good, now that even the fanboys appear to be turning off:
Losing $17 billion in market cap... or 1.7 million $10k Edition watches
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Fuck this. Christy is hotttttttttttttt and a great model. She can do no wrong. Interesting read though - HA.
Christy Turlington "Burns"?
Did she marry C. Montgomery Burns?
No. Didn't you know I'm gay?
Actually, even if the iWatch itself doesn't catch on I think the concept eventually will, basically disconnecting the screen from the rest of the smart phone core.
Turd-lington is one of Time's 100 most influential people.
No shit.
Where can I find a flushable 2-ply version of this article? I believe it's time to drop some Turdlingtons in the toilet.
These posts on the watch are hilarious!
Thanks for the giggles, folks...
I can't add much to what's being said, except, it's not uncommon for big money corporations to do foolish things.
I mean, think about it. We're still very much in a financial mess, more likely to float just above the water, if not finally sink, than we are to actually recover...
We've got debt to our eyeballs, with very little room or income to take on more. Student, auto, and very soon, bad shack debt (again) are all over the place with little capacity to delever...
Most people have ample gizmos already, that'll do far, far more for the same or less money...
And somehow, THIS is what an outfit like Apple decides to produce, for...how much?
We don't need more expensive toys, Apple.
We need good, income-producing jobs.
What about all of this do these disconnected, bubbleheaded space cases not understand already...going on 7 years?
BTW: where is this thing going to be made?
m
Oh, and one more thing.
I don't know who the gal in the piece is; never heard of her, but...
...why must she find it necessary to message the world with "Every Mother Matters"?
We already know this.
A lot of other things matter too.
Like a secure economic future with a real job (preferably, first).
Does she actually have one of those?
Is she helping anyone else have one of those?
m
It's like a provocation. Does every mother really matter? Would have never thought about it before.
Does every mother really matter? Do the birthing units in Ferguson with their ten chilluns with ten diferent 'fathers' really matter?
The slogan is just another one of those meaningless feel-good platitudes used to enable SJWs to preen in their moral superiority,
I don't follow the high fashion world, but I have to admit I never heard of this world changing, Apple watch wearing woman they brought out. Who the fuck is she? And what does she have to do with anything?
She is a great person. This shows Tim Cook can relate with great persons.
Apple Watch will be Apple's Waterloo.
This bushel of Apples will rot in the markets in the coming months. Then, Tim Cook will get forced retirement and a gold Apple Watch.
AAPL has massively jumped the iShark.
This is so not Steve Jobs.
Are they going to give a person a magnifying glass to see it and a fairy with a wand to press the icons?
If a person needs a GPS to see where they are walking and a detector to tell if a heart is beating, there is something wrong because I don't have this high tech stuff and I can tell if my heart is beating and where I am walking to.
Apple, really? Get the Fuck Off of My Planet!! Idiots!
i'll second that...
Same thing happened to JCPenny after the Ellen DeGeneres ad ran on TV....California cool only works in California.
The apple watch is the dumbest shit idea I have ever seen. Newton would be proud.
First of all, the reason for Apple's success is that its products appeal to women. This retarded watch may appeal to some other genders, but not women. It doesn't even fit on a woman's wrist.
Just goes to show that Apple is just a bunch of corporate morons, like at most large companies, but on average more incompetent than their peers. If this product was a plant to blow up Apple, none of their employees noticed. They inherited a lot of structure from a smart guy called Steve Jobs, but that could only carry them along this far.
Just for this, their stock deserves to be valued at cash assets - expected R&D expenditures for the next 10 years.
If you watch Cook's keynote about the watch, it's almost sad. (This is on the aapl website).
There are many cuts to the audience, and they look like they're watching paint dry.
He's about as charasmatic as a used band-aid, which is not suprising for the guy who made the trains run on time behind the scenes, while Jobs figured out what we actually needed before we did.
The Turlington thing is even more sad. She ran a half-marathon in Africa with the watch, and Apple tries to equate this with landing on the moon.
Jonny Ive is still a genius and still gets it, but this thing is a train wreck.
It was a HALF marathon, because a FULL one would have drained the watch. lol
Let's watch the actual load of shit here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uBRt3aRIIU
Reminds me of this song --- substitute Whitey's Got a Watch for Whitey's On the Moon heheh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtBy_ppG4hY
Old people like apples
I like Apple, I'm the anti anti cool or something like that. Their stuff works, always has, broke lots of ground and pushed PCs kicking and screaming forward. Sure Jobs is gone and they are not as great, but still better than their Jap and Korean competitors.
The watch I can live without, but the company is still the best in their industry.
Feel better now, having told us that ?
Every Mother Counts ..man.
Feel better telling us exactly nothing?
i am a pc person and could care less about apple stuff
pc keeps going on due to gamers
fuck the apple crowd
I'm visulizing Christy twirling on my Ithing.
Looks like the Watch is going to fail,. Timmy is going get mounted by Lassie over this one.
"mounted by Lassie"...?
I got tears rolling down over that one, man...I mean...wow...I gotta remember that crack...
...keep 'em coming.
m
Just wait for Apple to anounce the iTurd, or the latest piece of crap from Apple.
Who the ifuck is iChristie iTurdlickerton, nee, iMr. iBruce iJenner?
Shit... my iWatch stopped and I have no idea what time or date it is right now!
Pass me a nail gun, I'm outta here like a bankster on fiat.
You'll still have your iPhone. You have to have your iPhone.
a watch you have to charge every day... holy fuck, we're back to wind-ups..
I posted earlier, so I'll keep it short...
You guys are hilarious on here about this thing, I'm telling ya...
Gotta wonder what Mr. Cook is thinking right now. Apple has to be checking out blogs about the device. And they can't just pull it tomorrow...right?
I imagine this latest gadget will become a very hot collector's item a long time from now, due to so few having been produced.
I mean come on...almost NO ONE is enthusiastic about this gizmo right outta the chute. Didn't anyone market test even one prototype??
m
You can't even wind it up.
Naw...the reality would be a watch that you had to wind 3, 4, even 6 or 8 times a day...
...and people thought electric cars with 100 mile ranges were bad...
Another cunt who meditates while feather dusting her dried up clit. She knows best. This woman needs a iPlug shoved up her ass. It can vibrate when she receives a message.
Wow, more chuckling over these comments tonight...I needed a good laugh.
Kinda like a night with Andrew Dice Clay at the mike...
m
Sounds like you've tried this, Atomoizer. The iPhone enjoyed it. Was it good for you too?
I have just patented the iMplant before AAPL do.
why such severe, bug eyed, twisted muttering, drooling in the dark, psychotic hatred for APPL?....please SEEK HELP! its a form of Sociopathy or worse-youll end up like Steve Balmer....
ive used both and Linux as well, and there is no contest-and you can run Windoze if you really need to, better, smoother and more secure on a Mac than on a PC! Word! (yeah there is Office for Mac too)
I have it on my iMac- not a BSD on the Windoze partition in 5 years-PCs are obsolete...with the Intel chip it THINKS its a PC....and works as one
Btw the Windows phone is not long for this world, in a year its garnered a measly <2.7% Marketshare, WW
MS killed off the "iPod killer" Zune and it had 9% marketshare WW (Source: Seattle Times-or should i say The Microsoft Times) but even they know when to call a spade a spade
This is why Nokia sold their whole phone division to Microsoft. Burning platform...35+ billion euros burned at the altar of Windows. People get concrete shoes for much less than that.
At least all the people who made the decision for Windows went with them.
"...but even they know when to call a spade a spade"
But obviously you don't know when to call a turd, a turd.
This watch had 'desperation' written all over it, and Christy Turdlington's silliness highlighted this.
Samsung S6 Edge...
She would have done better strapping the ten commandments to her wrist
How is she possibly able to read anything on that screen, let alone while running?
Woo hoo! 18 hours of usage for my new watch. Impressive.
I'm immediately going to dump that Casio I have that has a 7 year battery life.
I bought 100 of them with my lunch money and gave them away to homeless people...
It looks like traders bought the rumor and sold the news. In a range of $126 - $129, this looks like an artificial story about an artificial story.
Cook said today that the battery life is only 3hrs not 18hrs.