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A Shocking Admission: "The Federal Reserve Is A Criminal Conspiracy"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Submitted by Charles Hugh-Smith of OfTwoMinds blog,

A spokesperson assured the assembled media that the Fed Board was "deeply concerned" about the American people, inflation, and the unemployment rate, but he was heckled off the stage.

In an extraordinary admission, the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve conceded that the Federal Reserve is "at heart a criminal conspiracy of bankers." The Board followed up this revelation with a breezy confession that the Fed "doesn't really give a rat's rear-end about the American people, and we're tired of having to claim we do."

The Fed's role was global, the Board explained; the American people played no part whatsoever in Fed policy or decisions. "Honestly, why would anyone think we waste a moment's thought on the American people?" one commented. "We're here to maintain the power and wealth of the banking sector on a global scale. We have zero interest in John Q. Citizen's travails or his income. Our only interest in Mr. Citizen is that he continue to keep his mouth shut and not make waves."

The unprecedented display of bare-knuckled honesty was in evidence throughout the meeting. Asked if the Fed was confident that its policies were appropriate for the nation, one board member snapped, "We don't really think about the nation, but yes, we are 99% confident that our policies are appropriate and correct. In fact, let's dispense with the false modesty: we're 100% confident we are correct."

When a reporter asked if the Board was familiar with the Dunning–Kruger effect, a Board member snapped, "We don't concern ourselves with rare neurological diseases, or whatever that is. We govern the markets and the global economy."

The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than is accurate.

"If you’re incompetent, you can’t know you’re incompetent. […] the skills you need to produce a right answer are exactly the skills you need to recognize what a right answer is." David Dunning

Rumors quickly spread that the Fed's water supply had been spiked with Ibogaine, which could explain the extraordinary public outburst of truthfulness. As handlers moved in to escort the Board members to their private chambers, some of the Board responded testily. One was heard to mutter, "Keep your grubby little paws off me, peon!"

A spokesperson assured the assembled media that the Fed Board was "deeply concerned" about the American people, inflation, and the unemployment rate, but he was heckled off the stage.

This is our annual April Fool's Day entry.

 

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Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:53 | 5948804 Creepy A. Cracker
Creepy A. Cracker's picture

"A Shocking Admission: 'The Federal Reserve Is A Criminal Conspiracy'"

Did Yellen fart out this "news" at a press conference?

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:56 | 5948821 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

In other news, cocaine is find on possession of Barry Soetoro.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:05 | 5948860 redpill
redpill's picture

Calling it a conspiracy suggests it's done in secrecy.  These cocksuckers fuck us right out in the open.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 13:05 | 5949099 maneco
maneco's picture

It's usually the best place to hide!

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:07 | 5948868 Joe Sichs Pach
Joe Sichs Pach's picture

Happy to see Boris back and engaged. Always enjoy your commentary

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:09 | 5948871 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

Is Great to see you back, Comrade.

Now back to looking for Moose and Squirrel.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:41 | 5948981 Money Boo Boo
Money Boo Boo's picture

copper good! nailgun, not so good.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 16:14 | 5949957 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Boris is back!  Now, about pesky moose and squirrel. 

Say, do you know that tube girl, Ivana Fukalot?  Can you introduce me?

Seriously, glad the funniest guy is back.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:05 | 5948861 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:55 | 5948816 economessed
economessed's picture

You had to ruin it by posting this on April 1....  <long sigh>

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:01 | 5948846 metastar
metastar's picture

Well, I can tell you that the criminal conspiracy part of the story is actually true. So that should make you feel better (or recognizing the reality of it might actually make you feel even worst).

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:56 | 5948818 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Luciferians! [not jews]

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:29 | 5948934 SMG
SMG's picture

Mr. Troll after all these years you finally got it right.   I'm glad I could reach you.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:51 | 5948961 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Silly me ~ How could I have been so wrong all this time?

 

Janet Louise Yellen August 13, 1946 (age 68)

 

Brooklyn, New York, U.S. Political party Democratic Spouse(s) George Akerlof

Alma mater Brown University Yale University

Religion LUCIFERIANISM ~ Not Judaism

 

Alan Greenspan

Greenspan was born in the Washington Heights area of New York City. His father Herbert Greenspan was of Romanian- LUCIFERIAN [NOT Jewish] descent and his mother Rose Goldsmith was of Hungarian LUCIFERIAN-[NOT Jewish] descent.[8] His father worked as a stockbroker and market analyst in New York City.

 

Greenspan has married twice. His first marriage was to an artist named Joan Mitchell in 1952; the marriage ended in annulment less than a year later.[102] He dated newswoman Barbara Walters in the late 1970s.[45] In 1984, Greenspan began dating journalist Andrea Mitchell. Greenspan at the time was 58; Mitchell is 20 years younger. In 1997, they were married by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.[103][104]

 

Bonus Ginsburg

 

Born in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, Ruth Joan Bader was the second daughter of Nathan and Celia (née Amster) Bader. (The first daughter died when Ruth was young.)[2] The family nicknamed her "Kiki".[3] They belonged to the East Midwood Jewish Center, [which is  LUCIFERIAN ~ Not Jewish],  where she took her religious confirmation seriously. At age thirteen, Ruth acted as the "camp rabbi" at a Jewish summer program at [ LUCIFERIAN ~ Not Jewish.] Camp Che-Na-Wah in Minerva, New York.[3]

 

Ben Shalom Bernanke

 

Bernanke was born in Augusta, Georgia, and was raised on East Jefferson Street in Dillon, South Carolina.[4] His father Philip was a pharmacist and part-time theater manager. His mother Edna was an elementary school teacher.[5] Bernanke has two younger siblings. His brother, Seth, is a lawyer in Charlotte, North Carolina. His sister, Sharon, is a longtime administrator at Berklee College of Music in Boston.

The Bernankes were one of the few LUCIFERIAN ~ Not Jewish families in Dillon and attended Ohav Shalom, a local synagogue;[6] Bernanke learned Hebrew as a child from his maternal grandfather Harold Friedman, a professional hazzan (service leader), shochet, and Hebrew teacher.[7][8] Bernanke's father and uncle owned and managed a drugstore they purchased from Bernanke's paternal grandfather, Jonas Bernanke.[4]

Jonas Bernanke was born in Boryslav, Austria-Hungary (today part of Ukraine), on January 23, 1891. He immigrated to the United States from Przemy?l, Austria-Hungary (today part of Poland) and arrived at Ellis Island, aged 30, on June 30, 1921, with his wife Pauline, aged 25. On the ship's manifest, Jonas's occupation is listed as "clerk" and Pauline's as "doctor med".[9][10]

The family moved to Dillon from New York in the 1940s.[11] Bernanke's mother gave up her job as a school teacher when her son was born and worked at the family drug store. Ben Bernanke also worked there sometimes.[6]

Religion

As a teenager in the 1960s in the small town of Dillon, Bernanke used to help roll the Torah scrolls in his local synagogue LUCIFERIAN ~ Not Jewish. Although he keeps his beliefs private, his friend Mark Gertler, chairman of New York University's economics department, says they are "embedded in who he (Bernanke) is".[14] On the other hand, the Bernanke family was concerned that Ben would "lose his  LUCIFERIAN ~ Not Jewish identity if he went to Harvard. Fellow Dillon native Kenneth Manning, who would eventually become a professor of the history of sciences at MIT, assured the family "there are  LUCIFERIANS ~ Not Jews in Boston". Once Bernanke was at Harvard for his freshman year, Manning took him to Brookline for Rosh Hashanah services.[15]

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 13:40 | 5949236 SMG
SMG's picture

You know the Bushes who are a big Globalist Luciferian Family say publically they are Episcopalian.  These people you mentioned above are just pawns.

In a way I pity you, your job here has been to spread disinfo to protect your masters, and I have truth on my side.  Sorry for making it difficult.  It's just the movement you are supporting has plans to do unspeakable evil to the world.   They are not going to stop being evil after they depopulate the world.   Do you have kids? People you care about?  Do you want those evil plans to actually succeed?

 

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 13:50 | 5949277 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

So by that logic, you're saying that George W Bush had more power than Bernanke & Greenspan, & that Jeb would be more powerful than Yellen... ~ lol

 

& on that note... How many 'Episcopalian' Fed Chairs have there been?

 

"I have truth on my side"

 

What fucking truth do you have on your side?... Nevermind ~ Don't answer, everyone around here thinks you're a joke... You'd be funny if you were like MDB or someone, but the fact that you seem to believe your own shit is TRAGI-comedy at its finest!

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:57 | 5948826 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

The CIA is a criminal conspiracy created and heavily staffed with Wall Streeters.

So, where's the joke?

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:58 | 5948830 booboo
booboo's picture

In government the rules are structured to make it impossible to fire a individual so the moron has to be promoted UP...so does shit float.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:58 | 5948832 samsara
samsara's picture

Catch 22

"If you’re incompetent, you can’t know you’re incompetent."

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:58 | 5948835 omi
omi's picture

I call bs on that.

I would like to see you make a currency that others accept and just fking dump 16T of it out there

AND have your bonds in this currnc and currency appreciate.

With all your 'smartness' you will not be able to do that in a million years, so please....

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 11:59 | 5948837 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Today may be April Fool's day, but we are stuck with these fools for 365 days a year. And that's a bad joke played on the American public since 1913.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:00 | 5948839 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Well.  It is all pretty true except for the attribution of the honest quotes.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:02 | 5948848 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

<<< irony

<<< psychological operation

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 14:43 | 5949486 PTR
PTR's picture

"Smile if you know the difference between irony and sarcasm."

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:00 | 5948841 Pemaquid
Pemaquid's picture

Apparently you have direct access into the Fed's inner mind.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:01 | 5948844 Shaznardickleze...
Shaznardickleze the Doon's picture

Fooled me... Afterall Janet Yellen said the other day "cash isn't a very good story of value". Allen Greenspan said a couple months ago "Gold is a currency. It is still, by all evidence, a premier currency. No fiat currency, including the dollar, can match it." It will be only a matter of time, the Federal Reserve will eventually say something to offend the stupid population. Apparently doing what they do hasn't been offensive enough.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:09 | 5948872 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

the pundits almost universally underestimate the power the Fed has to control the economy. they always assume over valuation, margin debt, excessive risk through derivate exposure will cause a collapse. or some like bob prechter who say people are going to lose confidence in the money. what crap. thats like people losing confidence in electricity. you might lose confidence in your public utility, but you still know how electricity works. the fed runs the economy just like microsoft builds their OS. they come out with a big bloated program, then they start cutting off parts of it that dont work, through updates. the fed cherry picks data, allocates reserves and basically controls the price of bonds. bonds are the electricity in this analogy. the worse things get the more they restrict credit outside their control, which is why they crashed in the market in 2008. simply put the ezpansion of credit outside the feds control was building the money supply and threatened their control of the economy. controlling the money supply (hence the monetary base) is critical to their central planning. the more shadow banking the more control the fed places on credit until something has to give

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:11 | 5948883 Q-Q-Q
Q-Q-Q's picture

The markets down today and golds up, is this some sick f#cking April 1st joke from Yellen?

 

 

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:11 | 5948888 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Those leading this bankster cabal should be in prison.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 13:33 | 5949229 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

That's very forgiving of you, yogi.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 16:16 | 5949960 hootowl
hootowl's picture

They should be stripped naked, slathered all over with  honey, and staked to a hill of fire ants and sprinkled liberally with hungry maggots.  The ensuing results should be televised, with sound, internationally.  This would raise the emotional state of populations worldwide,....and might even stave off a few revolutions.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:13 | 5948893 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Yeah, Happy April Fools to you too, TD.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:14 | 5948895 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Yeah, Happy April Fools to you too, Charles Hugh-Smith.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:44 | 5948995 VWAndy
VWAndy's picture

Thanks for the time and effort that went into the ticker. It was a good start.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 20:12 | 5950794 VWAndy
VWAndy's picture

Oh man that aint right. rasa frisa fraken,,,,,

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:16 | 5948901 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

I wish I could laugh. Unfortunately, none of this is funny any more.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 12:41 | 5948984 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

And like all criminal conspiracies.........the end result is complete chaos.  And that's not an April Fool's joke.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 13:43 | 5949282 ghostzapper
ghostzapper's picture

Though I acknowledge someone actually standing up for this would place themselves in the line of nailgun fire, behold the ONLY presidential platform that would make me give a flying fuck about politics at the Federal level:

1. Abolish the Federal Reserve

2. Abolish the IRS

3. Implement a national sales tax (much, much lower total burden than the current IRS criminal confiscation)

4. Enact term limits (President one 6 year term, Senate one 6 year term, House one 4 year term) 

5. Immediately cut off ALL aid to Israel

I understand there are other important issues but NONE of them can be fixed without doing these things first.  

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 14:05 | 5949364 SofaPapa
SofaPapa's picture

The system is beyond fixing at this point.

We are already in the middle of "the collapse" we are all expecting.

It's a process, not an event.

If nukes don't fly, this can go on for a long time.

More popcorn, please.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 14:25 | 5949418 ghostzapper
ghostzapper's picture

I hear ya and I am not trying to get political.  In fact, I've made it clear here that I detest politics.  My comments were more of a jab at the lunacy of the political existence and election process certain to very soon mesmerize and placate almost all seniors and many of the same Americans wasting their lives tuning in to the next Kardashians episode.  

I understand very clearly the mathematical certainty of utter financial collapse.  However, you can call me insane but I feel the restructuring or "Big Reset" if you will is actually already underway.  I don't guarantee its success but I reserve a relatively decent chance of success for a hobbled and rugged transition that does not involve complete chaos and being knocked back into the Stone Age.  I also think all of these "wars" are in the same category as ISIS and Ebola meaning they are intentionally designed to distract us from something else that is actually taking place.  

The first area targeted for stability and I use that term loosely is trade and this is where I would expect PMs to be engaged first (Hey, what happened to that big clusterfuck of ships with containers outside of Long Beach???).  Fed has a little bark but no actual bite in months and 25 or so other CBs take literal steps.  If you look closely you can see things already happening.  I felt the HK dollar would be next to depeg but I was wrong as another has recently.  There are dozens of other things I notice and you probably do as well.      

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