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"Strong Apple Watch Debut" - Media Propaganda Edition

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In addition to the unprecedented $50 billion stock buyback announcement by GE earlier today, the biggest news of the day is the Apple iWatch launch. Or, rather, biggest dud. It all really depends on who you ask.

Here is Reuters:

 

 

And here is Bloomberg:

 

As for the actual eyewitness truth, and the reason why everyone who took AAPL from $100 to $130 on hopes that the "New Paranormal" Casio will be the greatest thing since sliced bread, here it is.

 

 

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Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:17 | 5977942 kowalli
kowalli's picture

chip under the skin

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:24 | 5977956 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Ya think the low turnout has something to do with it being so gay!?

And soooooo fucking hipster.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:25 | 5977972 Bullionaire
Bullionaire's picture

Ya think the widget being so gay has something to do with the boss being so gay?

- former Apple apologist

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:31 | 5977983 max2205
max2205's picture

Gaypple 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:48 | 5978034 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

With a crowd like that ya'd think it was a Hillary campaign speech

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:04 | 5978099 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Or a modern day Obama speech.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:20 | 5978165 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

Must be like when Earnhardt ate shit to the race nation without Jobs to rally the mass cool.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:27 | 5978211 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

i-diots

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:50 | 5978321 Gmpx
Gmpx's picture

My old Rolex is better

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:54 | 5978349 RU-GAY2
RU-GAY2's picture

It should be pointed out to people calling Bitcoiners "iTards" etc, that Apple has been one of the biggest antagonists against Bitcoin.  So if you hate Bitcoin, you are in good company with Apple!

https://btc-e.com

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:58 | 5978364 smithcreek
smithcreek's picture

New iwatch marketing slogan: "The i-watch, a Solution Looking for a Problem"

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:22 | 5978446 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Remember 30 years ago when Casio put a calculator on its watch?  REVOLUTIONARY.  I mean, you could do your math from your wrist.  Imagine that.

Of course, calculators haven't gone anywhere, but placing the gimmick on your wrist sure did.  Cell phones are here to stay.  Idiot-watch, not so much.

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:37 | 5978521 RECISION
RECISION's picture

Wow.

Look at all the know-nothing-Fucktards come crawling out of the woodwork...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:22 | 5978769 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

I know I will stick to my Citizen ProMaster that I don't have to worry about breaking or replacing a battery for quite some time.

 

I think that is knowing enough about the function of a watch to know that it should be durable, because I don't live in a cubicle like the tools and douchebags that buy this shit.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:51 | 5978922 JackT
JackT's picture

iFlop

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:21 | 5978765 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

i like idiot. Brilliant. Never heard that before. You should patent it. Apple was even granted a patent for the page flipping animation, so you should be able to qualify easily for one.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:44 | 5978560 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Go ahead and make up shit as you need to. It's the ZH way.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:25 | 5978786 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

You know, I don't even like the guy that you responded too, but I dislike generalizations that include me without specificity even more.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:05 | 5978996 SilverFish
SilverFish's picture

In the real world, it is possible to give props to a douche for calling a douche a douche, ya know.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:01 | 5978376 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

IWatch very stupid people squinting trying to read a very tiny screen.

"Total ignorance can actually be presented in a very smart-looking package"- Me

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:50 | 5978595 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

great quote. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:37 | 5979176 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Is that the motto of the US State Department?  If so they need to work on the package.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:59 | 5978637 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Heard TAG is making one that is better...

Gadgets, gadgets, gadgets, they must keep buying gadgets to keep the stock up!

I still have the Samsung S3 and the 6 comes out this week and I don't give a shit.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:04 | 5978660 Seek_Truth
Seek_Truth's picture

Forget TAG, Casio has the real goods:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WOTuiBG9zg

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:28 | 5978805 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

I have always wondered what the likelihood is, that the developers are actually updating the phones with software that is meant to make them run slower and burn their battery even faster to generate sales.

 

It has to be greater than zero.

 

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:32 | 5978239 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Sooo... The Battery Will Last You Until Lunch, If Your Lucky...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:31 | 5978499 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

Garmin Fenix 3, Bitchez!

If I leave it in watch mode the battery will last several weeks.  With GPS and Bluethooth running off and on during a normal day, I can easily get more than a week out of one charge.  Just a really functional peice of gear that does what it is supposed to (awesome multi-sport fitness tracker, navigation features,  tells the time and even looks like a man's watch-nothing against gay hipster watches, just not for me)

And, no, I do not work for Garmin, and I am not pimping/trolling for them.  Just one of the few peices of tech gear that I have ever purchased that actually works as advertised and is not just a bunch of marketing hype and BS.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:18 | 5978744 NihilistZero
NihilistZero's picture

So Apple's solution to Android having the widget functionality that iOS doesn't is to sell you an overpriced watch with widgets of limited functionality???

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:19 | 5979072 actionjacksonbrownie
actionjacksonbrownie's picture

Oh, they have solved that problem. They have installed a small generator inside the "watch", that is turned by a small "knob" on the side of the "watch".

 

What will they think of next?!!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:42 | 5977986 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

How many Bazooka Joe wrappers is that Dick Tracy gizmo gonna set me back?

 

OT: LOL ~ Apple trumps Hillary 2016 announcement

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/exclusive-hillary-clinton-to-laun...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:45 | 5978019 Bokkenrijder
Bokkenrijder's picture

All those greenshoots must be Apple trees.

Spoof: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yioL7MRQvHM

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:46 | 5978021 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

 Even funnier: "Titanic's maiden voyage began shortly after noon on this date 10 April 1912"

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:52 | 5978052 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

Buy a gold one, for the gold!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:04 | 5978073 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Let it be proclaimed for all time, that ON THIS DAY, April 10... The following 3 events occured (& will therefore be inexcorably linked):

 

- Apple iWatch launch

- Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign launch

- Titanic maiden voyage launch

 

U cant make this stuff up! lulz

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:51 | 5978329 plane jain
plane jain's picture

Bleck...Hillary the Inevitable.

They were showing polling numbers over the weekend that claim she is beating every current and potential Republican candidate.

I know, doesn't really matter which team jersey the new boss wears.

But, c'mon, could y'all be a little less obvious?

My husband even commented that with Jeb, Chelsea, etc. the two can just continue to tag team.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:57 | 5978344 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

& the lizard procreation chain continues...

 

Hell ~ It's prolly about time for Chelsea to pop out a puppy that has an uncanny resemblance to Webb Hubbell...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:07 | 5978398 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Barf

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:18 | 5979066 nope-1004
Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:06 | 5979005 centerline
centerline's picture

If Hillary even gets close to being president, it is time to just STFU and move because the US is official cooked. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:26 | 5979113 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

not happening. I proclaim I will castraite myself if she does. I am that sure that cantankerous twat will not get elected. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:14 | 5979046 walküre
walküre's picture

Titanic sinking paved the way to FED establishment and subsequently WW1 followed by WW2

 

Clinton will preside during WW3

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:02 | 5978645 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

"Even funnier: "Titanic's maiden voyage began shortly after noon on this date 10 April 1912"

 

Ever heard the theory that JP Morgan sunk the Titanic to take out his competition?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:36 | 5979167 Thirst Mutilator
Thirst Mutilator's picture

Yes ~ JP Morgan = Larry Silverstein

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:36 | 5977999 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

I still like some few products from Apple, but I do find it strange how often I'm asked: "Gosh! You still have that oldest version?". And this in Europe, mind you

on the other side, recently Apple flopped catastrophically with too many things, imho. as much as the newer Kindles, which seem to become less and less what readers want

but be serious: despite the stock valuation, it's still a company that seems to attract the ire of many just because it symbolizes a "Latte and hipster" lifestyle

and we encounter even here enough real damn political propaganda, the "real McCoy" of propaganda, to call commercial PR this way. just my two cents

including that if you buy them on credit... and the newest one, again on credit... and then the newest one, again on credit... then you might want to pause and reflect

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:17 | 5978148 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

No Jobs or jobs.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:31 | 5978826 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

The Kindle White Paper (their cheapest offering) is pretty good, but who in the hell reads anymore? I own one, but I'm an ZHer, so it's obvious that I likely would be one of the few people that still read.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:52 | 5978051 Agstacker
Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:45 | 5978305 Harrison
Harrison's picture

No, I think it has everything to do with Apple announcing that there won't be any in-store sales for the watches. So, people can't wait in line and walk home with one to play with. Therefore, no lines

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:18 | 5979063 richiebaby
richiebaby's picture

And it's too fucking small.
It will be a disaster for Apple

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:22 | 5977957 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Wudda you mean my Apple watch won't work with my Samsung phone?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:28 | 5977979 MarketTruth
MarketTruth's picture

Apple's watch is TWO generations behind the curve of current offerings within the marketplace. That might be part of the problem.

Then again, never under estimate the stupidity of herd mentality and cult-like behaviour. www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AyVh1_vWYQ

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:32 | 5977988 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Especially when the herd is gay hipsters..

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:15 | 5979051 walküre
walküre's picture

Most gays don't have a nickel to rub between their cheeks

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:42 | 5979196 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Actually I believe the gay demographic is fairly well off.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:34 | 5977994 pods
pods's picture

I will buy one of these when I can speak into it and a 1982 Trans Am comes and saves my ass.

"KITT, meet me around the back of the bar and do it quietly."

pods

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:40 | 5978008 ozzzzo
ozzzzo's picture

I'm holding out for a 1970 Trans Am, preferably a Ram Air IV.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:57 | 5978071 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

'70 AMX dude...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:06 | 5978105 MaxMax
MaxMax's picture

'69 Buick GSX Stage 2

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:22 | 5978173 pods
pods's picture

Guy I went to high school picked up a mint 70 GS455 Stage I from, get this, a "little old lady" he did work for.  

pods

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:27 | 5978214 MaxMax
MaxMax's picture

That's a cool car.  In tenth grade, I had a friend that picked me up in a hot rod '69 Camaro which was the 2nd fastest car in the town.  There was a GSX that was faster and could leave grooves in the street.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:47 | 5978578 pods
pods's picture

My older brother had a 69 SS Camaro convertible. It was a bit rough, but fast.
The GS had a lot of HP, but couldn't handle it on the start.  Sharp looking car though.

pods 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:33 | 5978837 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

Man you guys are old as dirt.

I prefer Toyota Supras and huge turbos.

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:15 | 5979049 centerline
centerline's picture

I have an affinity for both new and old.  Is all cool stuff. 

Supras are impossible to find these days.  Those cars are incredible.  In my day, the Buick Grand National was the Corvette killer with it's turbo 231 ci V6.  Minor mods and that thing was an outright animal.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:29 | 5979136 pods
pods's picture

I'm not old, but my taste in cars is.

The cars I was talking about were out before I was born.

Newer classics I would say the Nissan 300zx (1990's one) or Supras.

I once took a Toyota MR2 Turbo (mid 90s) for a ride, it was quicker than the Supra twin turbo.  Mid engine and that thing flew.  

pods

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:27 | 5978207 stant
stant's picture

Mach1 428 cj

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:10 | 5979026 centerline
centerline's picture

I have a 70 Mach 1 at home.  351w though.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:28 | 5979129 stant
stant's picture

71 mach1 351 c what I got now , but miss the cj

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:15 | 5978434 Ass Burger
Ass Burger's picture

I used to have a Ram Air III...the 454 is soooo expensive. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:53 | 5978055 BandGap
BandGap's picture

You can only dream of having Hassellhoff's hair and leather jackets.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:54 | 5978347 neuronius
neuronius's picture

Didn't he have a Members Only jacket?  

Those were so bitchin'

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:29 | 5978814 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Hollywood bought all the remaining new old stock of Members Only.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:55 | 5978945 bloostar
bloostar's picture

I'd rather leave KITT and have the Knight Rider hottie meet me round the back of the bar. KITT can play fiddle with his I-knight 2000 for all the £&%# I care! He can keep the watch too, I'll be too busy :-)

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 14:49 | 5979794 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

K.A.R.R is smarter than K.I.T.T

KARR has been heard saying: "I have checked my data on basic human desires, therefore i understand your needs. You wish to eat. You wish to drink. You wish to reproduce. Which one first?"

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:43 | 5978015 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

How is this thing supposed to be better than the Android Wear watch. My brother-in-law was showing off his Wear a couple months ago and I found it underwhelming. They'd better hope the herd thing works for them. I for one will keep my watch sefely in my phone in my pocket like the good Lord intended it.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:36 | 5978000 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture

 

 

 

It is probably VERY quiet this morning at Apple HQ.

This brings to mind the Six Phases of a Project

  • Enthusiaism
  • Dissillusionment
  • Panic <----------------------------YOU ARE HERE
  • Search for the guilty
  • Punishment of the innocent
  • Praise and honours for the non-participants

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:53 | 5978054 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

momma said stupid is as stupid does

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:24 | 5978189 stant
stant's picture

The Icheese straightner will have NSA back door access too

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:40 | 5978282 dicksburnt
dicksburnt's picture

The Apple iWatch will go down in history as the last token from the 'great period of over consumerism'.  In the future as students peruse their history books on this chapter we are living now, long after we are dead, there will be a small photo of the golden iWatch.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:35 | 5978854 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

Apple almost went bankrupt the last time they had something like this flop.

While I can't stand the fan club, Job's was a genius with making products that were worth buying.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:55 | 5978950 AmarUtu
AmarUtu's picture

For some reason I dont think photos will exists or books or people or planet earth.

But its good to be optimistic. Like the big bang theory, something out of nothing that so happened to become a bunch of matter, through chaos a universe and in that universe stars and solar systems and around those stars and within those solar systems formed planets and some of those planets just happen to revolve around those stars at the exact distance to create evolve and sustain life, that happens to have DNA that passes on coding instructions that blueprint blah blah, then along comes a bang and a poof and we have a fucking iWatch.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 15:18 | 5979915 N3mo
N3mo's picture

Despite the fact that the watch itself is crap, the "Apple Gold" is a fascinating material.

Apple has created a Gold/ceramic composite that is harder and more scratch resistant than standard metallic gold.

Metal Matrix Composite (MMC) gold with B4C particles sintered within:

http://leancrew.com/all-this/2015/03/apple-gold/

For what it's worth, that's pretty cool.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 18:30 | 5980649 Abbie Normal
Abbie Normal's picture

nice of them to only charge $10K for an ounce of modified gold -- they'll even throw in a $300 watch!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:17 | 5977945 Super Broccoli
Super Broccoli's picture

don't worry, sheeple will max their creditcard to buy the useless thing whatever happens

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:19 | 5977948 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

I'd rather sleep in.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:22 | 5977960 pods
pods's picture

I'm going to wait until next year when they come out with one more line of dots on the face.

Or maybe the year after when they have one fewer line?

pods

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:27 | 5977978 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

next year's slightly thinner and lighter watch is gona be HUGE

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:20 | 5978452 holgerdanske
holgerdanske's picture

I would prefer to sleep out!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:19 | 5977949 oudinot
oudinot's picture

Who needs bread and circuses when one has Apple?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:19 | 5977950 prefan4200
prefan4200's picture

Why would I want a watch dangling from my wrist where I can bang it into stuff and break it when I have a cell phone that can do the same things, has a bigger screen, and can be safely tucked away from the elements and from banging it against things?  Maybe I'm an old fart, but I don't get why anyone would want this product.  I predict its sales will greatly underwhelm.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:16 | 5978143 ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Precisely why my wife buys me $50 polished SS Fossil watches at Target; I bang it against shit all the time during the day. Tells time, looks decent, and if I smash it or scrape it up, just toss and replace. No need to smash a smartphone or ding up the expensive watches that get worn a handful of times per year.

IT'S A FREAKING WATCH!!!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:38 | 5978260 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Sometime in the near future...

In order to stimulate sales of the Apple Watch, Apple has announced its latest iOS update will remove the clock and Apple iTunes will restrict all clock/watch applications from being downloaded on its devices...oh, except for the new Apple Watch.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:43 | 5977951 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's a fucking "watch" people. Even the fan boys aren't excited about a stoopid watch. Apple has definitely jumped the shark on this one. Apple, the new Microsoft. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:57 | 5978050 silverer
silverer's picture

I hate to say it, but the word did pop into my head.  Microsoft constantly churned software to push you forward to benefit them with repeat sales for dubious "upgrades" along with benefitting their partners with hardware sales.  Apple's strong point that really turned their sales was a better designed and intuitive OS with a machine that was easy to use and and had good integration and plug and play features.  Their choice of Bell Lab's UNIX as the underlying OS (Apple's Darwin), and the switch to Intel processors was an excellent choice.  But as with anything like this, sooner or later you arrive at your destination after the large improvements (same as with the iPhone), and the next set of improvements offer far less.  Then it becomes tedious, and carries little productivity gain.  Bloatware appears, and even sometimes backwards "progress", like iPhoto and iMovie which was, in my opinion poorly executed. Even iTunes used to be better.  Lots of bugs now appear in new releases, an Apple "first".  That they wanted to turn your desktop into a phone was the last straw for me.  After first getting a call from by brother-in-law, that his laptop stopped working after upgrading to Yosemite, then my own kid's Mac mini (both required RAM upgrades to return the performance to previous levels), I realized that it was time to get off the train.  As an old fart that played WoW, I had to stop that subscription, as Apple just dumped support for Mountain Lion, shutting down WoW, and my only upgrade choice (because I also skipped Mavericks) is now the newest "phone OS": Yosemite.  No thanks.  When I sadly cancelled, I mentioned to the WoW rep that if they ever decide to support Linux, count me in, and I got an enthusiastic response that just about everyone there was onboard with that idea.  Linux strongest point:  YOU own the computer you pay for, not somebody else.  Apple has switched from being customer driven to being revenue driven.  That will now do them in, just like it did to Microsoft.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:31 | 5978081 Elliott Eldrich
Elliott Eldrich's picture

"Apple has switched from being customer driven to being revenue driven.  That will now do them in, just like it did to Microsoft."

And they're building the Taj Mahal HQ to end ALL Taj Mahal HQ's. That's an old Silly Valley tradition, and a major sign that a company is just about to bite the big one. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:37 | 5978258 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Those 2000 iMacs were screaming! I always wanted the green one, but settled for a shitty greystone Compaq instead at CompUSA.

 

God - those were the good ole days when you could order dogfood from pets.com on your Compaq - shit from shit ordered on shit!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:30 | 5978232 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Kubuntu Linux looks and feels a lot like Windoze XP, while Ubuntu looks and feels like a Mac OS.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:31 | 5978500 Debugas
Debugas's picture

Kubuntu runs much faster than Ubuntu (was the only acceptable option for my old Pentium4)

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 12:52 | 5979246 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

They've lost their design edge too.  I was in Best Buy to pick up a landline phone last week and the Samsung guy had a "6" phone.   I got a good look at it and handled it - it makes an iPhone 6 look like a 55 chevy.  And the syling of the Apple Watch fits right in with that. 

Their best product is their laptops, especially the "Air" but everyone's catching up or caught up -- and that's design was from the Jobs era.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:21 | 5977953 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

Oh snap! Was that today? Forgot to put Apple watch buying time on my to do list.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:21 | 5977955 fascismlover
fascismlover's picture

I smell an Atari-style demise.  Lets hope it's quicker.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:22 | 5977959 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Epic Fail 2.0

Timmy needs to focus on fixing their OS and not chasing young boys in Thailand by enticing them with epic fail gold Apple watches.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:26 | 5977964 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

ANYONE taking time off work to see a watch is a fucking IDIOT and should be fired as soon as said fucktard walks back in to work. 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:18 | 5978153 nflux
nflux's picture

i REEAAAALLLLY hope those people were paid to stand in line

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:23 | 5977965 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

If Asians aren't interested in this (they are not) EPIC, EPIC Apple fail on deck.

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:39 | 5977993 Fukushima Fricassee
Fukushima Fricassee's picture

Samsung is kicking Tim Cook in his homosexual AIDs infested nuts.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:04 | 5978388 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

Once I had a phone that told time, I didn't need a watch.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:24 | 5977969 madbraz
madbraz's picture

the watch makes you invisible, hence we can't see all the dumbasses who bought them

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:27 | 5977977 Bullionaire
Bullionaire's picture

+1

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 15:10 | 5979885 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

I quite appreciate the fact people are glued to their phones permanently. I can go though downtown on a busy day, ride buses for hours and not be seen by a single human being. Used to need a gadget to tune out. Now I remove all gadgets to get the same feeling.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:25 | 5977974 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

I wear an old Soviet Red Army officer's watch, it can keep time for close to 12 hours before I have to manually wind it back up again so it outperforms the iWatch in that regard.  Unlike the iWatch mine has gold numbers and arms too and as an added bonus mine dosn't spy on me (even though it is Soviet).

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:48 | 5978035 fascismlover
fascismlover's picture

Love it!  In Soviet Russia, you look at watch.  In USSA, watch looks at you.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:59 | 5978074 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

+1 that's a good one! 

it reminds me this vintage (1987) Smirnoff joke:

"We have no gay people in Soviet Russia—there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three-year waiting list for that."

oh, but wait... there is no Soviet in Russia anymore

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:10 | 5978111 fascismlover
fascismlover's picture

I was channeling him writing that...Smirnoff could probably do his whole OLD act in reverse these days.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:17 | 5978437 youngman
youngman's picture

I remember an old Smirnoff joke....in America you have American Express...dont leave home without it...was the tag line...In Russia we have Russia Express...dont leave home was its tag line....

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:03 | 5978086 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

in 2012, Smirnoff had a new, very interesting joke:

"I enjoy being in America: it's fun, you know, because you have, you have so many things we never had in Russia—like warning shots."

Is 2012 a far, far past, nowadays?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:24 | 5978187 iofera
iofera's picture

"In Russia, president assasinates you."

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:39 | 5978277 neuronius
neuronius's picture

Comment of the Day!

+1

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:26 | 5977976 McCormick No. 9
McCormick No. 9's picture

The wearing of a watch symbolizes that your time (and thus, your life) belongs to someone else. if you own your own life, YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.

Think about it.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:46 | 5978023 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

 

 

Not married yet?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:36 | 5978259 McCormick No. 9
McCormick No. 9's picture

Ha! Got me. Yes, I'm married, and yes, on that level, I am a slave. My wife makes me come home by approximately 6PM, regardless of whether I am done with whatever I am doing or not. But my circadian rhythm is sufficient for this, and, I get the advantage (by not wearing a watch) of saying, "But... I lost track of time!" when I do come in late for supper.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:09 | 5978114 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Thought about it.

Don't wear a watch.

My time does not belong to me and I do not mind it one bit. It was given to me.

Think about it.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:38 | 5978272 McCormick No. 9
McCormick No. 9's picture

Then you owe it back to the One who gave it to you. Service to others is the greatest privilege.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:18 | 5978150 Wild Theories
Wild Theories's picture

eh, but what if you need to know the time... for yourself?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:48 | 5978314 ultramaroon
ultramaroon's picture

Yeah, who wears a watch. And a gay watch. It'd be more relevant to today's American people if Apple marketed an iButtplug.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:29 | 5977981 Winston of Oceania
Winston of Oceania's picture

imWatching will be required of all consumers to keep the NSA informed. It's for your own protection against man made catastrophes. That and so the gubment can blackmail you of course...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:31 | 5977984 PenguinDude
PenguinDude's picture

Who wants to look at something they can't have? That'd be like pornography!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:33 | 5977992 jimijon
jimijon's picture

OMG, Apple is Doomed, DOOMED!!

How many times have we heard this over the years? Haters got to hate.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:42 | 5978014 Fukushima Fricassee
Fukushima Fricassee's picture

Caught on the long side of shit I see. You should have loaded up on PM last night after yesterdays FED shorting monkey hammer.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:59 | 5978075 damicol
damicol's picture

One day,  you fan boys will recognize that you were were in the short end of what id possibly the greatest scam ever.

 They fleece you like shearing fucking retarded  sheep.

I know you cant see it, but that doesn't change facts that the rest of us,  a little more worldly wise, can see a fucking mile away.

Its a multi hundred billion $ scam you retard, Its not about hate, per se, its about understanding what it is. and if it wasn't a fucking despicable scam   far less would be bitching at the fucking bunch of banker and wall st inspired crooks.

Got in line boy, go get your  Chinese tat and strap it to your dick if it turns you on. Just make sure you overpay for the privilege like every other half wit fanboy

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:42 | 5978011 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

I'd rather have a box of Padrons than a goddamn Apple product.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:18 | 5978154 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

I'd rather pull my finger nails out one by one slowly.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:43 | 5978017 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

 

 

Looks like the new Apple policy of discouraging line-ups outside the stores for new product launches is a success!

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:19 | 5978159 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

We will hear shortly about massive online sales and bad weather.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:50 | 5978026 Monetas
Monetas's picture

It's all about saving time .... not standing in line .... the watch is for affluent adults .... silly wabbit !

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:52 | 5978048 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

I'd say Cartier and Rolex are for affluent adults.

Come to think of it, other than Mrs. Silencer, I don't know anyone that wears a watch...and she wears Cartier.

I saw the interior of this Apple device a few months back. The circuitry and miniturization is pretty amazing, but the device itself is useless. Why anyone would want this device strapped to their body - as it reads your physical data and transmits it - is beyond me.

Another surveillance item that will eventually lead to cancer. No thanks.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 08:56 | 5978069 intheshortrun
intheshortrun's picture

No matter how dismal sales are Apple will claim that its a HUGE success. I predict stores will mysteriously run out of in 3,2,1......

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:01 | 5978080 Tjeff1
Tjeff1's picture

WTF Apple had this years ago.  It was called the MACtini then and now they think that putting it on your wrist is some kind of revolution?  sarc//

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gl4pREae1w

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:02 | 5978084 yogibear
yogibear's picture

It's so gay, consider the source.

The idiotWatch is a trinket for gay people that have so much money they don't know what else to spend it on. 

 

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 10:17 | 5978440 silentboom
silentboom's picture

When will they release the I-Buttplug?

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:02 | 5978085 basho
basho's picture

watches are made in switzerland

for example:

http://www.iwc.com/en-us/

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:05 | 5978090 youngman
youngman's picture

Apple needs to make a lot of Money so Timmy can donate all of his to his lefty gay groups....we need more GAY..and cowbell....and this watch is very Gay...Its funny to watch the religious ferver with Apple...its all the talk on CNBC....its a joke how much pull Apple has...they are just a toy maker....

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:04 | 5978093 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

All I can think is that those that are excited to get this watch have very little going in in their lives...they should have a baby instead.

Better for the economy today and in the future.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:19 | 5978158 Calculus99
Calculus99's picture

Forget this iWatch crap. If you want a beautiful digital watch check out the Casio Protrek PRW 3500 1JF.

Casio are making some unbelievable digital watches these days.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:27 | 5978205 Winston of Oceania
Winston of Oceania's picture

None of which report to the NSA.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:22 | 5978176 iofera
iofera's picture

Zero Hedge professes to be all about the free market, but it is green with envy that Apple manages to - time after time - defy the growing narrative of a weakening economy.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:33 | 5978245 neuronius
neuronius's picture

Keep Hope Alive, buddy.  Keep on truckin...

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:54 | 5978343 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

"Zero Hedge professes to be all about the free market, but it is green with envy that Apple manages to - time after time - defy the growing narrative of a weakening economy."

Where would apple be today without the expansion of consumer credit? How many billions ($) of Apple products are banks carrying on their balance sheets?  

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 09:57 | 5978360 Jameson18
Jameson18's picture

You do realize that when all the companies stop buying their own stocks the game is over. You must be friends with Million Dollar Bonus.

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 11:56 | 5978932 GB
GB's picture

In IDC's forecast for 2018, note that Android actually loses market share and sinks to 77.6% of the market. But that occurs after Android adds about 404 million phones, while Apple adds only 63 million — and its share sinks to 13.7%. Apple doesn't gain share — it merely loses it to Microsoft's Windows, a humbling irony, at least in the IDC scenario. Granted this is old news and just phone related ? http://www.businessinsider.com/iphone-v-android-market-share-2014-5

Fri, 04/10/2015 - 17:36 | 5980476 malek
malek's picture

But you already know that's Putin's fault.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!