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Entire Treasury Department Competes For Same Goldman Sachs Job Opening

Tyler Durden's picture




 

<satire>

Saying the company has received hundreds of résumés since posting the job opening to its website earlier this week, Goldman Sachs human resources manager David Browning reported Thursday that a high-level position with the investment bank had attracted applications from every official in the United States Treasury Department.

“Within just minutes of listing the open position on our jobs page, the flood of applications from treasury.gov email addresses started rolling in, and it hasn’t slowed down since,” said Browning, adding that most of the Treasury regulators who applied for the job highlighted their previous experience working closely with Wall Street financial firms and included a letter of recommendation from former Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.

“All these applicants must realize what tough competition they’re up against, but at the same time, I remember how it was back when I was just another government official who was ready to make the move to the private sector.  We’ll definitely keep the information of those candidates who don’t get the job on file for future openings.”

Browning added that the new hire was needed to take over the responsibilities of a former Goldman Sachs executive who had recently left for a high-ranking position in the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Source: The Onion

 

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Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:39 | 6027479 knukles
knukles's picture

                  sigh

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:42 | 6027486 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

I am posting an opening for apprentice guilliotine maker. I expect a deluge of applicants even though it's a unpaid apprenticeship.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:47 | 6027518 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Full regulatory capture rapidly escalates the speed & size of the massive, dizzyingly fast REVOLVING DOOR.

FDA
TREASURY
ATF
DHS
FRBNY
DoD
ETC ETC ETC

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:54 | 6027547 AIIB
AIIB's picture

Just(US) Dept?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:56 | 6027555 usednabused
usednabused's picture

Every one of the asses should be dismissed with no pension. Sitting at their fucking desks with nothing to do but watch the help wanted adds. They can get fucked

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:07 | 6027603 Greenie
Greenie's picture

Sitting at their fucking desks with nothing to do but watch the help wanted adds

Come on abused, don't be so hard on them. You know they do more than watch the help wanted ads, they watch porn too.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:25 | 6027688 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

why is the <satire> tag there?

Sat, 04/25/2015 - 15:20 | 6029506 Fahque Imuhnutjahb
Fahque Imuhnutjahb's picture

it's not far fetched anyway

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:50 | 6027534 venturen
venturen's picture

I am a freelancer....

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:53 | 6027546 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

Where do I send my application?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:06 | 6027597 Pure Evil
Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:09 | 6027824 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

I do not have any guilliotine manufacturing experience. However, I am highly skilled in the Firing Squad area.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 19:21 | 6028140 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Dear Mr. Billy,

I saw your ad on Zero Hedge for a guillotine apprentice, and am writing to be considered for the position.

You will find I have plenty of energy for wrestling the banksters and politicians onto the bascule. I have experience operating many types of guillotines, including the Scottish Maiden, german Fallbeil, and of course the French configuration. Please find enclosed my letter of reference from Madame Defarge.

Sincerely,

James Wahooo

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:43 | 6027503 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

We all saw this coming. Try as they might, Onion satire is indistinguishable from something you'd expect from WSJ or Bloomberg.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:48 | 6027520 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Never occurrd to me it was the Onion until I read your comment -- that's how bad things are.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:52 | 6027539 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Love the Onion. One of my all time favs, "The Money Hole".

http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-should-the-government-stop-dum...

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:59 | 6027576 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Can't wait for The Onions take on Jade Helm: "An entire Texas county has been rounded up and taken to a FEMA Fun Camp to keep them safe from terrorists. Upon arrival, the campers were regaled with a spirited version of "California Dreaming", performed by Hillary C & The Progressives..."

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:08 | 6027605 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

You never know. With ISIS right across the border in Mexico all those Texicans along the border need to be saved.

Maybe we should drone them back to Democracy. Not ISIS, the Texicans.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:33 | 6027878 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

With or without the Onion, I guessed you missed the <satire> at the beginning. Oops for you.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 19:02 | 6028092 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Me either. I guess I've become a cynical old man.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:45 | 6027513 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

 .

 

..

.

.

FAT BOTTOMED GOLDMAN GIRLS

(FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS, QUEEN)

 

WilliamBanzai7

 

Are you gonna get bailed again tonight

 

Or will Uncle Sam put up a fight

 

Are you gonna let your trading book hang out

 

Fat Goldmangirl

 

You spin the world of finance upside down

 

[Riff]

 

Hey, I had just a skinny NAV

 

Never knew Wall Street good from Wall Street bad

 

But I knew life before I left my trader nursery

 

Left alone with bailout fanny

 

Lord such a royal mega scammy

 

Heap big bailout whore you made a schtupster out of me

 

Hey hey!

 

Ive been seeing bailout scams

 

Across the Bloomberg wire across the land

 

I seen every sorry financial floozy on the way

 

But their wily bailout guile

 

Went kind of smooth for quite a while

 

That lowdown squid bailout whore will screw you every time

 

Are you gonna get bailed again tonight?

 

Or will Uncle Sam finally put up a fight

 

Oh will you take em for all they got

 

FED bailout whore

 

You spin the world  of finance upside down

 

[Interlude]

 

Hey listen here

 

Now you bloated bailout pig

 

Doin the Paulsen bailout bonus jig

 

Sure aint no T-B-T-F Queen in this locality (I tell you)

 

Oh but we still get some pleasure

 

Watchin Ben fish for subprime treasure

 

Heap bailout whore you make circus clowns of Holder, Frank and Bernanke

 

Now get this

 

Are you gonna get bailed again tonight?

 

Or will Uncle Sam put up a fight

 

Oh will you take em for all they got

 

FED bailout whore

 

Will you ever get out of town?

 

Get on your bailout bikes and ride....

 

[WB7: Dear Lloyd, Please don't ever resign...You are the most sorry and visible douche bag of a target we all could ever hope for.

 

Keep on rocking!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:52 | 6027536 AIIB
AIIB's picture

misogynist. How dare you?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:10 | 6027620 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Truthfully.....Hillary never looked better.

Ah........that's what happens when you put lipstick on a pig.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:42 | 6027742 AIIB
AIIB's picture

Powerful women should never be judged on their looks. Can I get a witness?

 

http://radixnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Loretta-Lynch.jpg

 

"Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman
But she was another man
All the girls around her say she's got it coming
But she gets it while she can

Get back, get back.
Get back to where you once belonged"

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:48 | 6027922 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

And, oh yeah, one application from Warburg-Pincus, signed Timmy G.

 

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 22:54 | 6028589 capital one
capital one's picture

I freelance over th? internet and earn about 80-85$ an hour. I was without a job for 7 months but last month my paycheck with big fat bonus was $15000 just working on my computer from my home for 5-6 hours. Here's what i have been doing... www.globe-report.com

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:40 | 6027480 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:39 | 6027481 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Plutocracy!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:39 | 6027482 keremetski
keremetski's picture

no clintons.com?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:40 | 6027484 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

References: Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Bill Clinton (in that order).

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:49 | 6027529 venturen
venturen's picture

Cheney and Rumfeld worked on Wall Street?.....afraid they only take resumes from the liberals! Don't believe everything you read in the MSM

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:57 | 6027557 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Those two are as connected to Big Oil, Big Pharma, the MIC and Wall Steet as you can get.

WTF are you talking about?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:58 | 6027568 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

ever hear of the Carlyle Group?

turn off Faux news before its' too late for you.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:04 | 6027590 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Neoconservative lovers.

nazis

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:41 | 6027488 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

what's the satire, i don't get it. 

/s

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:42 | 6027497 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

Must have been an interesting job ad, let me guess " Cock sucker wanted "

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:50 | 6027532 Weaponized Innocense
Weaponized Innocense's picture

Dicklick Beltway CockSucker Wanted!

There is a different u know..... Ask Spitzer!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:43 | 6027504 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

being gubbermint employees they have the most experience working for the squid of anyone

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:47 | 6027506 kowalli
kowalli's picture

Goldman Sachs own entire treasury department - conspiracy fact!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:43 | 6027507 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Arrest Lloyd Blankfein.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:15 | 6027642 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Free Jon Corzine!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:44 | 6027508 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

U.S. Government Finanacial Regulator = Wall Street Intern

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:44 | 6027509 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Is this article supposed to help Goldman's image?

I would say it backfired.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:48 | 6027524 venturen
venturen's picture

is that the sound of a revolving door?

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:52 | 6027540 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Fiction this week, fact next week. The Onion can't even keep up. Bless them for trying, tho.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:52 | 6027544 venturen
venturen's picture

The Onion is the new news!

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:53 | 6027548 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

That joke isn't funny anymore. 

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:59 | 6027577 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

It's the shitscelator....shitty ol escalator that goes round and round yet only up.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 15:59 | 6027578 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

New hire was needed to take over the responsibilities of a former Goldman Sachs executive who had recently a nail gun accident and fell from the top of 35 story building.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 16:13 | 6027634 goldenbuddha454
goldenbuddha454's picture

They're betting on a Hillary win.  In that case, you'd want to be in GS with all the other muppet masters.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:17 | 6027842 ali-ali-al-qomfri
ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:18 | 6027845 yogibear
yogibear's picture

The merger between the Treasury department and Goldman Sachs occurred a while ago.

All they need to do is change the signage on the buildings.

Just a matter of a transfer.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:36 | 6027886 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

In other news, the US Government has an opening for a high level Treasury Department position. A flood of applicants from Goldman Sucks came in.

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 17:36 | 6027890 heywood2
heywood2's picture

Ah, if only Freddy Mercury had stuck with the fat-bottomed girls. He would still be with us.

 

Fri, 04/24/2015 - 19:36 | 6028174 sidiji
sidiji's picture

disgraceful

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