This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Was Your Apple Watch "First Day" Experience Comparable To This?
As the de minimus supply of Apple Watches meets the stupendous demand from wrists everywhere, The Daily Mash offers one satirically-conjured man's perspective of his first day wearing the device...
Sales manager Tom Logan’s new Apple Watch has been unexpectedly ridiculed by his work colleagues.
32-year-old Logan felt confident that his futuristic timepiece would attract admiring glances rather than unflattering Knight Rider comparisons.
He said: “I had it all planned out – not saying anything about it, but then somebody just notices and goes ‘is that the new Apple Watch?’. I would respond simply with a wry Clooney-esque smile and they would mouth the word ‘awesome’.
“What actually happened is somebody said ‘what the fuck’s that weird-looking thing?’
“I explained that it was the brand new Apple Watch and they went ‘HAHAHA’ in a really deliberately hurtful way. The accounts assistant said it was the opposite of a fanny magnet and everyone cracked up.
“Then everyone started pretending to talk into their watches, saying things like ‘come in KITT, I am a massive tosser, please help’.”
By 10am Logan had removed the watch. He explained: “It wasn’t because people were being sarcastic, I just had a hot wrist, everyone gets a hot wrist sometimes.
“People get jealous of early adopters.”
But it gets worse... Do not drop your up-to-$17,000 watch... ever!
Especially not from your wrist!
»
- 119321 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
That turquoise bracelet is just . . . manly.
The next ground-breaking product is going to be (drumroll) iDildo.
THAT will sure take the rotten apple above the Trillion.
Looney
w/ bluetooth so it can be controlled from an iPhone.
If this was a teenager, I could chalk it up to the insanity of youth. But 32?
I know why they laughed. Grow Up!
Idouche!
Already been done - anyone remember MadTV?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lskbO1k9VO0
But, does it match his purse?
I was buying TWTR with my crAApl watch when it fell.
With the apple watch on, he looks like a gay Dick Tracy.
Well, my gay bud told me that everybody in Baltimore should have one, because President James Madison survived the assassination attempt on his life when the bullet got stopped by an iWatch.
I don't think you should be allowed to wear one of those without first getting a manicure...
or is that man-o-cure?
Shades of WalStreetPro2 there when he went aggro on the watch.
Miss that guy ;)
I am Chumbawamba.
Folks bot a few - aapl watch is alright, not really worth buying - usual first gen tech issues. It's not bad though. Anyway, how's that short aapl @ 360$ going, bitchez?
Dude get's all mad after his toy watch gets broken.
My Citizen Promaster is still going strong.
IF WE COULD ALL JUST STOP THE SENSELESS FIRST COMMENT DAISY CHAIN COMMENTS THAT WOULD BE .... JUST GREAT!!
^^^ Typed from his EyeWatch.
They're all iDIOTS!
When the watch falls it does not just break ones wallet, it breaks a few chromosomes as well. People can be real retards.
Many posters have desperate need to have their post read for some reason. They fear that if the post is not near the top, they wont get as many "likes". FB was built on this social behavior phenomenon.
Also, just assume the junks I get for this post were given by the posters I was refering to.
Dude get's all mad after his toy watch gets broken.
My Citizen Promaster is still going strong. I wear it when I actually need a watch, and don't need anything else.
Double post...
That video was hilarious... fuck you crapple.
Whoa whoa whoa. Let's not speak ill of Apple or it's products. It might hurt sales in countries where they stone gay people.... TO DEATH. Amiright Mr. Cook?
Fuck apple.
Obongo will fully support fanny watches.
Do not drop your up-to-$17,000 watch... ever!
Dibs on the scrap gold.
They call this durability? Are you serious crapple?
I know! It's not like he ran over it with a steam roller or anything. He just hucked it at 100mph towards the pavement in a fit of juvenile rage = pretty basic day-to-day wear and tear.
It's because Steve Jobs is dead. If he were still alive, this would not have happened.
I am Chumbawamba.
A Casio G-Shock has taken that level of abuse and a hell of a lot more.
THAT watch is the standard for a tough watch.
The watch could withstand a steamroller attack and I would still ask: a watch in 2015, are you serious crapple?
My radio-controlled solar G-Shock has been run over by a tractor. I had to get a shovel to retrieve it. The tractor damaged the band but the watch was fine.
So the band finally broke when I hit a pothole on the motorcycle. The watch hit the road at 65MPH, slides under the front tire of a logging truck coming the other way, and gets thrown into 4 inches of water in the ditch.
The watch is just fine. New band and, despite some scratches on the back, it's as good as new. Never needs a battery, never has to be set, always accurate to the second.
Wearable technology idea (OpenHardware license): belt-mounted server, Android-based, with a cardboard-thin handheld display. Wireless connection between server and handheld (bluetooth or IPv6 wifi). Add a thin watch. Add a heads-up display. Mood shoelaces. You're welcome.
Loooks like Apple is GDFR (que Flo-Rida)
Enthusiastic early Apple Watch adopter puts on watch, and commences to bark the following orders:
"NSA, CIA, other alphabet soup agencies, marketers, retailers, insurers, investigative agencies, wife & ex-wife, begin tracking... now!" {hits power on button}
"Apple Watch, synch to iPhone, iPad, Apple TV, Apple Pay Account & all other Apple and digital devices!"
You are not realizing the subtile benefit of this tracking technology!
24/7 surveillance only really works if you DONT KNOW you are being surveilled.
IF I ever "aim to misbehave" in a major way I am going to load all my Apple iShit onto a patsy (lol a girlfriend) and have them "go places" to serve as a alibi for me.
... and it won't work. Check this : http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/innovations/wp/2014/11/21/the-heartb... .
Apple will be at some point tempted to use that technology for mobile payment and secure the watch again theft (especially the gold one)
But then, as soon as you give the Apple Watch to the patsy, pre-crime knocks at your door...
Good point, but, the fingerprint stuff is easily defeatable, so, possibly this will be as well.
Why do you think they load em up with biosensors these days? They will recognize your bio-fingerprint...
"w/ bluetooth so it can be controlled from an iPhone."
You don't seem to understand what Apple company policy regarding their customers is. I'll try to correct you:
w/ bluetooth so it MUST be controlled from an iPhone.
Make sure and get the variable vibration app.
Ha!
.
Preparing for Battle, my troops would check their weapons, fill their bandoliers with cartridges, sharpen their bayonets, make sure their shoestrings were tight, strap on their i-Watches and…
WTF? Wait just a goddamned minute! Who's writing this Shit?
Shoestrings...on cowboy boots? I think not!
"The next ground-breaking product is going to be (drumroll) iDildo."
This is the post of the day! Well played.
Been around for a few years.
http://www.ohmibod.com/
No ground-breaking here.
Just watch breaking.
You miscalculate Apple's target market.
Kids and young adults don't wear watches anymore - they use their phones. 99% of them have a cell phone on them at all times. I have been considering banning them at work because I see them being used often during the day. Does Apple really think that kids are going to start wearing watches now? Do they think the kids even have the money?
Actually I stopped wearing a watch in '93 after it was stolen and I found that there were so many time pieces around even then that it was unnecessary to replace the watch. Actually I found it disconcerting that I could function through the last year of uni and into work life without ever being late despite lacking a watch. I hate being late, and rarely am. Still do not have a watch.
Agreed, I haven't worn one in years and I am a stickler about being on time. It's not that hard. Considering the culture we have of everyone believing its fine to be up to 15 minutes late for anything, like some kind do built in grace period, I doubt any whatch would get these lazy rude assholes to show up at the agreed to time.
No but rich people like like wearing expensive watches especially in Asia/China. (I watch the watch ads on CNN) They now can have an Apple Watch and look cool wealthy/techy with their other rich friends. Everyone else thinks they are douche bags.
Your right though most people use a phone not a watch to tell the time.
+1 bingo. for some products, the US isn't the first and biggest market, nor is it Europe... China, Korea, Japan etc. are
Maybe AAPL can try to bring back hats as a fashion for their next move.
iFedora!
I have not worn a watch in my life. NOT EVER. No need. I can look at the sun. And like many other life forms who are tuned in to nature to some degree.....drumroll please.....I always seem to have a pretty good idea of what time it is.
Even at night I bet I can "guess" the time with enough accuracy to function.
WTF do I need a watch for people? It is not even well designed. It is not attractive in any way and now proves to be a throw-away, obselete upon purchase piece of garbage.
Whacko....I can tell you within 20 minutes what time it is and I too have never worn a watch. It seems that nowadays if you promote something, you could sell a turd on a stick. Wake up sheeple, you are being taken.
I quit wearing watches many years ago.
This Apple Watch is for true morons and retarded fucking sheeple.
I honestly believe that this is Apple's REVERSE iPOD MOMENT (the iPod being the device/gadget that saved Apple and launched the maker of
Chinese/Foxcon assembled gadgets into hyper orbit).
IOW, Apple's toast, out of fresh ideas and useful products, and has morphed into a ridiculously overpriced (look at how diluted their shares are due to splits - so, so many) designer of outsource fabricators of less and less desirable trinkets, and will try to leverage media content now to preserve its insane valuation.
And just for the "look at all of Apple's cash!" crowd out there, look at all of Apple's debt AND RISK OF CASH VAPORIZATION DUE TO MASSIVE STOCK BUYBACKS WHICH PEG MUCH OF APPLE'S "LIQUIDITY" AT PREVAILING APPLE SHARE PRICES (watch what way the wind blows).
We were quaffing our brews after a hard day fishing and I asked Len what time it was.
He looked up at the stars and said 4:20.
Len was correct so I rolled a spliff.
Don't need no stinkin watch.
You win the internets for today, congrats.
+1
It could go on a bit longer because their customers are such narcissistic sheep.
+100 on the Reverse iPod Moment comment. The iWatch is iDesperation in the product dept at crApple. .
As anyone who has been on the wrong end of an obsolete Apple product line in the past can attest, Apple has a way of releasing a really bad product once in a while but manages to survive the process anyway.
Most every company makes some disastrous products; Ford's Edsel comes to mind, and the Apple Powerbooks with massive hinge failures (hinges designed by Jonathan Ives, since promoted) and of course the Ronco Bass-a-matic. But companies survive because they make a few excellent products and a lot of good products.
IMNSHO, Apple makes damn good computers that (used) don't cost very much and last a long while.
Kind of like weed used to be.
I'm with you. If you have your head on straight you should be able to tell what time it is (within reason), by your surroundings.
If you are scheduled so tightly that you need a constant reminder on your wrist you should probably re evaluate your life.
Watches = UNCOOL
Don't see the issue with watches just because this one makes you look like a douche. I have a 10 year old Hamilton chronometer that has been dropped, beaten, and hit against more things than I can count, and it's still going strong and look good too, nothing flashy, and it was just a few hundred dollars(I recieved it as a gift). You can wear a watch and not look like a total choad(at least that's what I tell myself)
I agree wearing watches isn't the problem - even though I find it unnecessary to do so anymore.
The problem with the Apple Watch is that it's a device that now signals to others that one who wears it is an ultimate, trend following, brainless, cultist douchebag, and it's ever present on one's wrist.
Not only that, but it's of limited utility (unlike the iPod, which literally created a new digital device segment and reformed how people bought their music).
How big is the turd and what is the asking price?
What stick colors are available?
..the 30 year old gold Rolex has increased in value and helps tone the forearm.
...when bug-out time happens, a few wraps of camo tape will obviate the shine.
.... and you sure as hell don't want a highly illuminated watch when slipping through the aggressor's lines.
Dad's 1960s stainless self-winding perpetual oyster still runs, keeps excellent time and looks almost like every 39.95 Rolex knockoff. Except it's real and has appreciated 3x in value since it became installed on my wrist. And I always know the date.
We blow the bridge and attack at 6:05. Not 6:04 or 6:06, 6:05. Yeah, watches can make a difference.
:-) LOL a good chronometer can be handy
a superlative one might be better.. and it can easily be bartered.
When I need to blow up a bridge and attack, I'll get a watch. not likely to happen though...
Untill then I look at it like a collar and leash
I actually don’t wear the watch all that much anymore..
..only when I want to intimidate poorer relatives or subordinates.
(that’s a joke.. to me, it is just a decent store of value nowadays.. a tad over 62g. of the real thing but a lot more in snob/market value)
and.. when it gets time to be doing the bridges I will defer to the best dark faced, tritium numbered crystal watch I can find.
and..and.. I will just be using the watch for a time hack because it won't be me actually doing the bridges anymore.
just kidding.. just kidding.. I love bridges..... maybe it's the walls that are problematic.
Speaking of walls..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpDX_R9X_Ok
When I need to blow up a bridge and attack, I'll get a watch. not likely to happen though...
Untill then I look at it like a collar and leash
We blow the bridge and attack at 6:05....so make sure you charged your iwatch in the last 3 hours.
Yeah, some people can tell the time by looking at the Sun, but I can never make out the numberz! :>D
.....is a wry Clooney-esque smile...
Clooney is Obola's "friend" and he is a "friend" of many other men.
I guess the guy just wanted to look g*y...not that there is anything wrong with that.
George Clooney makes Rock Hudson look butch and Rock was a better actor.
There was an old Architectural Digest that showcased a small beach home owned by Rock and Alan Ladd. The cover pic had them sitting across from one another in matching white trousers, "tennis" sweaters and shoes ....
Did Cary Grant have a buddy like that two where they took those types of pitcures? Actor Randolph Scott?
I ignore Hollywood shit but I remember something online where Clooney said he enjoyed playing basketball with his buddies more than anything else.
Is Clooney also a friend of Reggie???
the last time i mentioned cum guzzler queen clooney on here i got 5 down votes.
looks like the worm has turned freddie.
fuck this transgender soros agenda
hetro all the way baby
CRAP. Overpriced crap. Only person who would buyy this garbage will almost certainly be made jest of by peers. NOBODY is going to buy this garbage. Life span? 6 months with idiot Kardashian fans. Maybe 10 months is Obama gets bribed to wear one. Because we all know at this point Obama is simply a less tweeted Kardashian.
Prez baby is a "reality TV" joke and idiot.
Don't they do product focus groups anymore? Anyone would have told them this was a stupid idea long before it was a product.
Maybe this is what happens when you have too much cash and yes men for management.
Miffed
Apple's concept of a focus group is to call a meeting of a dozen C-level managers and get their opinion on what worked before with colors, product intro publicity, and what would Jobs do ??
That's why the watchband is in Bondi Blue, Job's pick of colors for the iMac color computer line - Apple is raptidly becoming hidebound. Wonder when the spaceship headquarters building will be finished - one sign of a corporation past it's peak is going on a massive building spree.
Numbered days and all that ...
"Don't they do product focus groups anymore?"
That's what this is all about. This isn't a watch so much as a live action market survey to see who'll buy it. We're in a deep recession here and Apple needs to know if panache still works, plus they need to be first out of the gate with this thing.
The irony is, all these nay-sayers will have one a few years from now. Wouldn't you want one if it could alert you to an impending heart attack, and if you couldn't make it to the ER in time, would call 911 and give them your GPS? Just one example. Biometrics is the next big thing. Surely you can see that coming?
But yeah, the guy was an idiot for thinking his co-workers would be impressed - especially salespeople who are among the least visionary of our species.
This is not me talking BTW - my former partner who's been an Apple watcher (pun intended) since the IIe and has called it right at every turn (made us both a whole bunch of money too) is my source. I'll run with a proven record before I join the ZH chorus, most of whom are just sheep in wolves clothing anyway.
For the record, I'm still using my 30 year old Timex which I bought for 24.95, but I repeat: this isn't a watch. It just looks like one.
P.S.
Who's the herd here? The people buying, or the people dissing?
its very OBAMA-ISH
"laughed in a really hurtful way.." Toughen up, cupcake! What a twitwit!
iWatch is made for people who already bought an iPhone. They're already in the right state of mind for such "quality" purchase.
It's so easy to hate Apple. Buy an Android, bash Apple, and just be like everyone else I guess... I like to think something us Tyler's have in common is being contrarians, but every time I see an Apple bashing story I have my doubts. I understand the surveillance angle too... Call me what you will, but I think Apple is a damn good example of a capitalistic company... even more so for preying on idiots with too much disposable income. The watch might be a little too much even for the faithful though.
It's such a shame that it taken from The Daily Mash, rather than being true.
DavidC
I wonder how the Apple store in Baltimore is doing today.
I'll be looking for a clip of someone doing gang signs with a turqoise watchband.
Sales are down a little bit, but they're up at Starbuck's and Peet's just around the corner. Folks need refreshments and soothing mushroom jazz when looting their neighborhoods.
LOLS that store is being protected by the secret service and is not in a bad neighborhood...
As empty as the baseball stadium as they pretend all is normal by playing a game to an empty stadium.
Should make a killing Craig's listing it.
The Apple watch should come with an "I'm an idiot with no life" lapel pin.
Screw durability. That thing looks like a piece of faggotware.
Warning : remove i -watch while fisting .
Tim Cook's boyfriend wears one while fisting him? and it sill works after covered in...
Douchebag accessories....Floor 9:-)
tim cookie is not gay you anti semetick troller.
this rfid nsa watch is butch already even vin diesel has one that is how tough it is
Just for the record, Tim came out in December, 2013, not that anyone cares.
Think that was sarcasm, tim cookie should have given it away.
Must have missed the "/sarc" but, as I said, who cares.
Please - no self-respecting gay would ever be caught dead wearing something like this, except maybe to a rave.
You have to understand the faggotry of the situation here. I am not talking gay. I am talking enormous raging faggot. This thing packs so much faggotry even /b/ would be amazed.
Touché.
+100 You have to understand the faggotry of the situation here. he he heeeeeee that there's some funny shit alright.
"This thing packs so much faggotry even /b/ would be amazed."
In the immortal words of "Uncle Don," (as reported by the Friedman Brothers in their comic work "The Joe Franklin Story," and I quote, "There, that oughtta hold your infected-asshole brained audience for a while, you scumbag sucking shithead! Buncha slack jawed, jizz-gurgling, come-drunk faggots..."
Richard Simmons & Christopher Lowell have both said of the Apple Watch, and I quote, "That's like, soooo fucking gay."
Mr./Ms. Garrison won't allow her Southpark Elementary class members to wear it.
But, Richard Simmons is biased since he's not gay.
Much
What we all want to know is where does Brucetta stand on this?
The intolerance of you guys is just disgusting.
It’s like you think there is a difference between men
..and not men.
Shit, dude. Had to log in just to green you, while wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. +1000
Just be careful with this run of one-liners. You don't want a card-carrying member of the Gaystapo to stomp in here, tapping one foot clad in its best Versace footwear, to wave a manicured finger in your face and threaten to sue your Christian bakery for "mentally raping" you, do ya?
That thing screams "PAJAMA BOY"
Wow. Scary thought...
What if Pajama Boy thought it was gay?
Would that be like an anti-matter collision or a black hole of gayness?
how close have you ever come to the event horizon of a black hole of gayness?
That's what I thought
Nah, this particular one doesn't. Now, the one with the lumberjack plaid band, on the other hand...
BIG WATCH . . . little dick.
Not really. More or less everyone is stupidly insecure. It's what happens when humans live under states for centuries on end.
Um.. how about BRIGHT WATCH WITH PASTEL BAND.. gay dick?
Flame away.. on so many levels.
EXPENSIVE WATCH . . .premature ejagulaton
You get watch u pay for.............
The dude who bought that trying to impress others sounds EXACTLY like someone who would buy that watch. At least the battery might last longer if he keeps it in his desk drawer.
fact is, this is one egg that apple layed - unless they can get it down to 119.95.
Actually, you don't have any facts. You have an opinion, like the others here who sound like a bunch of 6th grade boys on the playground. Bet against Apple at your own risk. Here are some facts, just in case any real investors are interested.
Apple Watch: Another Big Winner
ChangeWave’s research well before the first Watch was sold already indicated its strong appeal. Subsequent findings suggest that the Apple Watch could be another big success, which again goes against much of the Street’s thinking.
A recent ChangeWave survey on the Watch found 13% of consumers saying they’re likely to purchase an Apple Watch.
ChangeWave compared its current Apple Watch findings to a January 2007 ChangeWave survey on the original Apple iPhone, taken months before its release. Here’s what it found:
The pre-release findings for these two Apple products are strikingly similar.
What have we learned about the initial demand and sales for the Watch now that it’s recently become available?
The Apple Watch sold out within hours of going on sale two weeks ago. Apple CFO Maestri told the Financial Times that he hoped supply would balance demand for the Watch “by the end of the quarter”, in June.
Comparing initial Watch sales to the debut of Apple’s previous new device, the iPad, which sold 300,000 units on its first day in 2010, Maestri said they were “very good compared to that”.
It’s a familiar tune. ChangeWave’s survey findings have consistently been ahead of the Street with its planned buying data. This is valuable research for us, and as investors it gives us a tremendous advantage in a challenging and complex stock market.
All that proves is that there is an iDiot born every minute.
Why can't I just get a wristband for my smartphone. The Iwatch is too damned small to see without a magnifier anyway.
ChangeWave Blows,
Always has,
Always will.
This ChangeWave shill has got gay shit all over his face.
You have no idea what you are talking about, and obviously don't know the difference between ChangeWave Investing and ChangeWave Reasearch.
You also sound like a 5th grade school boy.
Actually, it doesn't prove anything. They are survey results, which may, or may not, prove to be true.
What it suggests, however, is that Apple is about to cash in on another high margin big income generator.
Time will tell, but separating fact from emotion is usually a pretty good idea, especially when investing hard earned funds.
sounds like a hillary mouthpiece.
And you sound like a moron. What does Apple have to do with Clinton?
Tylers --- please bring back the math problems!
Take it easy Tim. We know the pressure to live up to Jobs' standards is high. You can do it. Attaboy.
Okay, enough peptalk bs. Your new product is a joke. You are not Steve so stop trying to be what you are not. Just make more phones and maxipads and ride that thing into the ground for as long as it lasts.
Also take as much debt as the stupid global bankers will lend you, and use it all for buybacks in the next month or two. AAPL has to hit 200 before oil and PMs get expensive again.
Bitch, please. I could spear a log of dog shit on a stick and paste an Apple logo on it, and the fanbois would be lining up around the block to be the first person in their college dorm, Womyn's Studies department, or ten-bucks-a-cup coffee shop to be sporting the iSpearCrap.
"ChangeWave’s research well before the first Watch was sold already indicated its strong appeal."
But then it shipped.
And didn't ChangeWave say the same thing about Windows ME?
First, no, they did not. I'm not sure what ChangeWave stock advisory may said about ME and investing in Mr Softie, but ChangeWave Reasearch is a separate tool that collects virtually real-time survey info from over 25,000 members world wide who are involved in a wide range of fields and are active investors. We share the info, and I have been involved with their surveys for about 10 years. Best macro info that I know of for small investors anywhere....and if you are a participating member, it's free. Think about that. The power of unfettered research from a solid core of mostly upper level executives on a wide ranging series of topics who share what's actually happening with their CapEx and personal spending, hiring/firing, sales to plan, and on and on.
"... satirically conjured (?)..."
Does that mean completely fictional?
Shush, you'll spoil everything.
You got it.
Apple will sell bucketloads of these. If you think it a gimmicky piece of cack (and don't fancy running the risk of developing a hideous tumor on your wrist) then you are simply not the target audience. That's probably a good thing.
Apple will sell bucketloads of these.
Perhaps, but you'd think that at *some* point, stupidity fatigue would take hold.
Call me a romantic.
There is absolutely nothing to support that viewpoint.
You hopeless optimist, you. Do the Kardashians still mug on camera? Then, no, stupidity fatigue is a long way off.
Dear
This is America. What obtains in other worlds has long been purged from our behavior..
Word of mouth can't do the iWatch any good. And oldies with cataracts wont be buying.
It'll just be the fanbois and they're the least affluent of the Applonians.
The Plain-Belly Sneetches had none upon thars.