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Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture




 

I hate tech bubbles.

No, that's not the secret. Everyone knows that. The secret I am referring to is a company named, literally, Secret. And the existence of this company, as well as the easy $6 million its co-founders pocketed when they shuttered the place, is absolutely symptomatic of this bubble-of-bubbles we are living in (the third one of the past fifteen years, incredibly).

I didn't even know Secret existed, because I'm too old to spend my time worrying about every new little app that comes along that lets teenagers engage in cyber-bullying and exchange  dick pics. It's just not my cup of tea. But I happened to stumble across this article yesterday, which was headlined:

0430-secret1

Now a startup shutting down isn't any bigger news than someone finishing a satisfying lunch somewhere, but the "Ferrari" mention intrigued me, so I read further.

Turns out a chap named David Byttow (whose profile picture looks exactly like the sort of person who would do such a thing) started the company way, way, way back in October 2013. He was able to get $35 million - - that's $35,000,000 - - in funding for his app. The elevator pitch for this thing was: "Share anonymously with friends, co-workers and people nearby. Find out what your friends are really thinking and feeling."

I dunno, but when I want to know what my friends are thinking and feeling.........I ask them. But, then again, I didn't raise $35 million, so who am I to judge?

The media had some pretty ugly things to say about Secret, but in the Silicon Valley, which is where I live, stupid apps getting tens of millions in funding with no prospect of profits is commonplace. What got my attention was that, as the app's popularity was cratering, the co-founders managed to raise more cash and - - astonishly - - pocket $6 million from selling a portion of their own holdings to these new investors.

During this time (when, in retrospect, it is obvious that the app was a flash in the pan, and users had lost interest), the message from the company was that it might "pivot", which is Silicon-Valley-speak for a product that has failed and, before it is carted off to its grave, will pretend to be something else. Color.com, about which I wrote endlessly on Slope, "pivoted" several times before its $41 million was considered a lost cause.

So Byttow's syrupy post about closing the firm "with a heavy heart" doesn't really delve into the fact that, in exchange for 18 months of work that resulted in a completely failed endeavor, he and his buddy scored $6 million (out of which he bought himself a Ferrari), on top of whatever handsome salaries they felt they deserved.

So am I bitter about this? Well, no. Bitter isn't the right word. I'd say I'm simply.......pissed off. Because my own high-tech start-up, Prophet, is something I worked thirteen years to build, and when I finally sold it (for all of $8 million), it was a growing, profitable firm with happy employees, fantastic products, and a very satisfied buyer. Its products are in use to this day, ten years hence. Prophet, you see, wasn't an overly-funded clown-show where we blew through the cash and just decided we were all fuck-ups and might as well close the place down swiftly. Oh, and pocket the cash.

The quantity of these dim-witted, overly-funded outfits that are going to enter bankruptcy is going to explode over the next few years (Clinkle is bound to be a likely contender.......) In the meantime, keep our anti-nausea medication handy.

 

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Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:51 | 6050105 mtl4
mtl4's picture

Gotta love a market where investors will pour $35M into a cyber bullying app.........it just doesn't get any better than this.

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:35 | 6050057 amanfromMars
amanfromMars's picture

But Tim Knight from Slope of Hope, don't you yet know the secret of the morph that is the American Dream? Money for nothing permanent and the chicks and Ferraris for free. 

Well done, David Byttow, very well played, Sir.

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:36 | 6050056 Wild Theories
Wild Theories's picture

You are bitter Tim, you know you are

I would be totally bitter too if I had known there were easier ways to get richer than I did by not doing any actual hard work I did

 

ah fuck, now I am bitter

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:20 | 6050005 strangeglove
strangeglove's picture

You Dont need an app for that!

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:04 | 6049978 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

We missed our chance, Tim.

We should have gone to flim-flam school.

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 07:43 | 6049920 tedstr
tedstr's picture

The VCs and investors who funded this got what they deserved.  You get involved with a POS like this means youre also getting involved with the POS who invented it....whcih means yur gonna get fucked  in the end.

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 07:39 | 6049910 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

You nuts?  

You live in Silocon Valley?

You should have bought the Ferrari.

You are going to need future VC money for your next firm.  What you think they are going to analyse financials?

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 06:15 | 6049801 CHX
CHX's picture

Sounds like bitter envy to me, to be franc. But in reality, it is just another example of a ponzi... the ones that got in early (read the founders) got payed off handsomely... Yes, it IS disgusting, but within the grand ponzi scheme we're all living in, still it's nothing. 

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 04:11 | 6049731 Terp
Terp's picture

Not that I would want to excuse this assclown, but I can´t help but assume that people who invested into this crap had no proper use for their money in the first place.

He should have bought a Porsche, tho...

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 06:29 | 6049816 Arnold
Arnold's picture

Lamborghini hold their value well, untill you drive them.

http://www.wreckedexotics.com/lamborghini

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 08:31 | 6050042 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

That is so odd.  That site has pages for Chevy, Ford, Mazda, Nissan... no Toyota though.

Thu, 04/30/2015 - 18:23 | 6048558 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

Photo exhibits a narcissistic sociopath, exactly the type to do this underhanded crime and then congratulate himself for it.  He doesn't even know he's a scumbag, and is so overconfident, he actually blew his windfall on a car.  What a tool.

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 04:24 | 6049740 GuusjA
GuusjA's picture

KampendeHenk gebruikt 'het lijntje met de Clinton Foundation' (Kost maar 4,4 miljoen euro aan zwijggeld) om Nederland sterker door de 3e SpinozaGolf te krijgen. Via TTiP wordt ook netwerk Juncker bijgepraat. 


http://nos.nl/nieuwsuur/artikel/2033268-artikel.html?title=nederland-gee...


Eurogroepvoorzitter Jeroen Dijsselbloem gaat volgende week naar Duitsland, Frankrijk en Italië om te praten over het standpunt van Griekenland om het DAB-systeem al dit jaar in te voeren . De voorzitterschap van de eurogroep zal medio juli 2015 aflopen en op dat moment zal de fase ingaan dat de wereldbevolking zal opmerken dat het 'juridische gelijkheidsdenken' het KWAAD is voor de snelle invoering van een hogere beschavingsvorm, ofwel het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven'.


http://www.volkskrant.nl/binnenland/dijsselbloem-zoekt-steun-voor-verlen...


In het beleidsplan 2010-2015 van Stichting Met Elkaar stond dat de Nederlandse Publieke Omroep de invoering van het DAB-systeem moet ondersteunen. De commercie zal geen 'bedreiging voor Nederland 1 zijn;, omdat de 5 grootste politieke partij'en ieder de 5 blokken mogen inkleuren. Het debat over 'bed, bad & brood' maakt duidelijk dat netwerk @MinPres eerst de burgemeesters en commissarissen van de Koning gaat informeren over de voorgenomen werking van het DAB-systeem, voordat ze 'de oppositie' toestemming geeft om de blauwdruk van het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven' vrij te geven. De 'asielzoekers' die binnen 2 weken een deal maakt met @SecretSiT gaat terug naar zijn eigen land, maar heeft ten alle tijden een lijntje met het personeel van hotel GradjA.  


Het Haagse compromis om de blauwdruk van het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven' nog onder de pet te houden is natuurlijk ingegeven door netwerk WitteGejT. Het 'bed-bad-en-brood-debat' van gisteren heeft blootgelegd dat de nieuwe staatssecretaris van 'waarheidsvinding en verzoening' al twee levels hoger in de 3e SpinozaGolf zit dan de fractie-leiders van de oppositie. 


http://www.volkskrant.nl/dossier-europese-unie/juncker-imiteren-van-popu...


Jean-Claude Juncker heeft inmiddels de mening dat 'de gevestigde politieke orde' het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven' niet meer kan tegenhouden. De snelste manier om het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven' in te voeren is om 'alle landen van de eurozone failliet te verklaren' en dan een selectie te maken welke ambtenaren geschikt zijn om hun politici bij te staan in het functioneren van een cultuur van waarheiddelen. De huidige methode van netwerk Juncker is namelijk mislukt!

 

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 06:36 | 6049825 GuusjA
GuusjA's picture

Luchtverkeersleiders van de Amerikaanse antiterrorismebasis Camp Lemonnier in Djibouti trainen piloten om in een 'toestand van chaos' toch het juiste te doen. 

 

http://www.volkskrant.nl/buitenland/luchtverkeersleiders-djibouti-vallen...

 

Centrum Informatie en Documentatie Israël (CIDI) in Nederland heeft een nieuwe strategie bedacht om de 'Logica van de 1' te promoten.

 

http://nos.nl/artikel/2033392-esther-voet-weg-als-directeur-cidi.html

 

SchipperendeEdithe is op de hoogte dat de 'regels en protocollen crisishulpverlening' nog niet in lijn zijn met de 'Logica van de 1'. Ook noemt KampendeHenk de aanpak van het collectief bewustzijn van Nederland onzorgvuldig, omdat ze 'geen mogelijkheden ziet om het systeem 'Leven en Laten Leven' door de strot van de loonslaaf te krijgen'. 

 

http://nos.nl/artikel/2033391-kamp-mijn-collega-s-mogen-alles-zeggen-ove...

 

Thu, 04/30/2015 - 17:31 | 6048426 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Is there an App called Ass Rape?

Fri, 05/01/2015 - 06:10 | 6049797 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

NYSE

Thu, 04/30/2015 - 17:27 | 6048410 Jonesy
Jonesy's picture

Dink Knight

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