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BaSiC INKSTiNCT...
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Eddie Murphy The Fart Game You Can Smell It ..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noA37hJFqZA
Israelis invent stink bomb for riot control
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/israelis-invent-stin...
There is a recent interview of bill clinton, explaining how hard it is to be "independant" and still "pay the bills." Sometimes, William makes things look too easy. Specifically, she has atleast a econ PhD and maybe a LLM tax.
If you think about it, Joe Eszterhas may just have been right.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/buried-alive-suffocated-dirt-le...
Dude - dude - dude - - - - dude looks like a lady!
The use of the word INKstinct: pure genius!
is this how Michael Douglas caught throat cancer?
Whew, I feared the worst.
WB:
https://dizzynomics.wordpress.com/2015/05/03/fun-with-money-cults/
WildBill, for the life of me, i cannot understand why you insist on tormenting janus with images like these. day & night, all i think about is janet yellen's vagina; and it's all your fault...it's nearly cost me everything; my marriage is hanging by a thread; i can't eat, i can't sleep; medications are not efficacious, prayers move not the Most High to mercy -- it haunts me like the demon sucubus...and so not thirty minutes ago i return from a marathon session of yellen-fetish-reversion therapy, log on to the Hedge, and there it is. WBVII, i've made real progress of late (recently topping a full hour without an adulterous yearning for the yellen vagina while solving a super suduko was a milestone) hope had just but taken root...but now...now all that work for nothing...NOTHING! i suppose it's time i yield to my true self and stop fighting it...alas, i knew this day would some day come: time to go and retrieve my yellen sex-doll from her secret hiding place.
but before i do, i want to share my thoughts on matters far less important than this persistent obsession with my yellen sex doll: the fate of western civilization.
it all began the first day of may, four moons past and two days before mrs. janus's b'day, a day that will go down in infamy. having craftily conspired with my wife's best friend, we were able to sneak around behind mrs. janus's back and smuggle both her and her infant baby girl past TSA, NGA, NSA, CIA and alot of other "A"-holes, all the way from virgina to cape cod without mrs. janus getting a whiff of the sneakiness afoot, and, miraculously, without mother and infant daughter being detained for waterboarding and black-site rendition. as with all my clandestine missions, this one was a smashing success. rarely have i seen mrs. janus so happy -- surprises truly are sublime, especially when they're the ones we welcome.
although i had very little to do with the arrangements, logistics, costs and other trivialities, i do claim all credit for making my wife so happy on her big 4-0. after all, my wife's best friend could have done nothing without my agreeing that her surprise trip was a good idea. but, lo, i'm sad to report that mrs. janus has since disappointed mr. janus. i tend to get very upset whenever people do not enthusiastically demonstrate their gratitude in the manner and to the extent i expect...after all, what good is giving if you don't get what you expect back in return? nothing, that's what. typically, in such cases i simply demand that the ungrateful recipient return the gift so i can either smash it or get my money back. i'm very much the indian-giver...oops! i mean, 'native-american' giver. however, in that i could do neither with either of these two human beings, i've decided to retaliate against my wife's inexcusable lack of acceptable gratitude by pouting (a lot and often) and icing my bruised coccyx while grumbling audibly.
bruised coccyx...you read me aright. and it's with the bruised coccyx that i will forecast the End of Days (TM) and effect the fame and fortune i've for so long deserved.
once my wife's best friend settled in and we got past the hugging cycle, with all the janus boys getting their affection in with warm embraces for our oldest of friends, everyone cooing over the new baby, all the happiness focused on mrs. janus and her big day, we decided to toast the occasion with a few cocktails.
{side note: maybe this means i'm getting older or going flat-out crazy, but i found myself coming down with a touch of baby-fever. this lil princess -- the progeny of our friends -- was beyond precious...and i always wanted a little girl...alas, i guess i'll just have to settle for booze in recompense}
well, the girls had a few cocktails; janus had a few times a few, plus a few...and the next thing he knew, all the indignation resulting from mrs. janus's ingratitude melted into the warm & fuzzy abyss of a black-out.
you know how alcoholics will say they've 'hit bottom'? well, those sauced-up louts are rank amateurs; they have nothing on janus -- i hit bottom not once, not twice, but thrice; all in the same evening, all in the span of a single hour, with all 3 falls and all the factors aggravating the resultant agony -- like gravity and mass and acceleration, per second/per second adding exponentially as my feet fly straight out and the sharply planed edge of a single step centers squarely on my one and only coccyx.
okay, one never plans to drink over a half-liter of grey goose in a few hours span...shit just happens. you play a few marley albums, a little allman brothers...next thing you know, you're smashed. speaking from recent experience, janus advises that none try and negotiate the difficulties associated with staircases after imbibing a half-liter of vodka. it could very well end in a pulverized coccyx.
but behind every bruised and blackened back-side there's a silver lining. as i was saying, i don't do things half-ass. a single fall is enough for any person of good sense to call it a night; i fell down my own steps in three consecutive trips; each time my bladder filled it was to signal an act of extreme violence against my spine -- and i didn't learn a goddam thing...just kept falling and stumbling down to the john to drain the dragon. even so, i am very proud to say that i was able to competently climb the stairs without falling once...and so i keep my head held high.
nevertheless, as to the silver lining behind by purplish posterior, i awoke the next morning with a hang-over from hell and a bruise that covers 83% of my body. and i wouldn't even tell this story if it were a simple matter of my poor coccyx and its long road to recovery, but there is illustrated in my bruise something eerily prophetic.
i've already sent photos to the daily mail, the national enquirer, huff-po, and the vatican; and as i write this, a very severe looking cadre of padres from opus dei headquarters and a half-mile beneath vatican city is en route to certify the miracle motif bas relief bruised on my lower back. and i have a bidding war underway amongst the tabloids. see, stackers & preppers, in order to profit from armegeddon, you've got to get creative...take a tip from janus.
you know how those papists have that stigmata stuff? well, this is WAY more kick-ass than any lame ole stigmata. on my lower back is a scene depicting the dark horse of revelations and all his shenanigans during the apocalypse. and if you look closely, in very distinct common greek of the era is written the following words:
"When He broke the third seal, I heard the third living creature saying, “Come.” I looked, and behold, a black horse; and he who sat on it had a pair of scales in his hand. And I heard something like a voice in the center of the four living creatures saying, “A quart of wheat for a denarius, and three quarts of barley for a denarius; but do not damage the oil and the wine."
pretty cool, huh? and all this time i've been wasting with the book-writing and whatnot...all i needed to do to attain the fame and fortune i so richly deserve was get snockered and bust my lower back to bits.
only in amorica!
so anyway, after rome certifies my super-stigmata and approves my sainthood, i intend to go round the world, charging the simple minded proles in provincial backwaters and hapless undersmench swarming in sewers of this world's urban morasses a denarius each to ogle over God's wrath bruised black on my back. verily, verily...The Lord sure does works in mysterious ways.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Bygcox6YE
on my way/
but i need a lil time,
janus
Big deal...try that shit after ending up with broken ribs.
Similar circumstances, but brought down by a loose towel, and traumatized by the corner of the coffee table.
Kinda leaves you breathless.
i'll see your broken ribs and raise you a dislocated shoulder. and when it comes to shoulder dislocations, it isn't so much the dislocation that gets ya, it's the resocketing of the humerus into its orbital pocket that smarts a bit -- nothing humorous about a disjointed humerus (sorry, couldn't help myself). and if you want my advice, i would not let your buddy convince you that he's able to preform the procedure with ease...even if you're in the middle of the forest hours and hours away from a hospital.
but, really, even though it hurt so bad i wanted to macerate his face in a brier...he did pop it back in properly, and it's stayed put ever since.
and as for loose towels, all i can say is that many a great man has been laid low by loose towels; but woe betide ya if your loose towel ever goes fully feral...they tend to take on a mind of their own.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77TbTNRQFNY
janus
DEA? FEMA?
yes, both...and we evaded the ATF in reverse.
ahhhh, yes, 3 of my favorite things -- alcohol, tobbacco and firearms -- but when you show up to the agency with your alcohol, tobacco and firearms in tow (drunk off your ass and ready to go), they get all huffy.
Is that Jamie Dimon's mom? I never noticed the resemblance until now.
Great!
We go from "Helicopter Bob" to "Freight Train Jane"!
Here is a woman that you would not want to "cross" you literally or figuratively!
I heard Hillary and Janet are going to try out with the Redskins this summer! Their offensive line is suspect.
Tuco
http://eyebleach.us/
Thank you a milion times for crossing her legs.
I was afraid of that.
She's a beauty when the cellulite is not visible.
No way - there's some things that can never be unseen.
Curse you Mr Seven.
One of my favorite consolations was to lie back and reflect on that legendary Sharon Stone leg crossing scene. Please note WB that this pleasure will never be mine again.
My eyes are bleeding and my mind is ruined for the day...
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
seems ms yellin was meeting with a hedge fund prior to fed minutes being released, and oops some low level rogue trader released them ahead of the FED...investigations will of course find mr yellin was never there and is honest as day is long..LOL
"Ok Mr.Yellen, we all know why you're here. Where did you plant the interest rate bomb and when is it set to go off?"
That is an excellent question.
As a side note I'm glad this wasn't an animated GIF where the legs shift position.
Thank you for keeping the drapes closed.
More drapes!
My lunch just became far less appealing.
lemme guess -- fish tacos?
(normally, janus doesn't go for juvenile/puerile/vulgar humor...but i just couldn't help myself...every opportunity to rankle any persons rankle-able by absurdly banal misogynistic provocation grenades like "fish tacos" should seized immediatley whence they present themselves on the Hedge...it's like an unwritten rule or something round these parts; standard form, as they say. and it's important work we're doing in that respect. what kind of world is this? we live in some warped dimension where every individual has been sucked in by the black-hole of amorica's variously hyphenated identities (each of which comes staffed with a full platoon of lobbyists and lawyers), to the effect that whenever any comment is made about an individual sharing their hyphenated identity, their comrade feels morally obligated to redress the offender and berate them until they lay prostrate clad in a heavy hair-shirt before the almighty tsk-tsking Nanny Deity lording over our wicked and shameful opinions. what awaits any offending one among their clan? if you've rankled an one, you've picked the scab off a whole festering and puss-filled hyphenated-action-committee. and sinning against the Nanny Deity is fun enough as it is; but there's more to the "fish taco" than a modern blog's analog to the olde fashioned spit-ball at those seeking offense over the sin of 'misogyny'...there's a curse laced in this rambling warm-up for what i'm bout to write in a moment, a majikal curse -- the knowledge that from henceforth, everyone having just glanced at that bawdy low-brow reference to the fed chair's unspeakably unsavory anatomical center-point and then read what followed all the way to this point will be forever more ruined on fish-tacos...that's the type of thing what makes life for janus worth living. man-haters, consider yourselves spit-balled; everyone else, consider yourselves cursed. mmmmmwahahahaha!)
oh, and, Nwmen, yellen just texted me to say that you should expect a "saucy" instagram snap in a matter of moments; janet sez she wants you to play a game, "TSA: Call of Cavity Duty". you got her all (and i quote) "loosey-goosey" with the hide & seek shit. she wants you to think of yourself as the jack bauer of the TSA...here's the scene: yellen wants to board a plane in dothan, alabama bound for zurich, eroica; she's nervous & evasive; fails to make eye-contact; stammers and speaks in the diction of vacuous yet high-falutin jibberish known in syndicate underworld as 'fed speak'; she's hiding something, the fate of humanity hangs in the balance...she wants to know if you're man enough.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2tEVVeGCk0
janus
Janus, let me lend you a few periods. .........................
Yer welcome.
but what will i ever do with all these spare semicolons and pregnant ellipses?
i made a vow to the sun, moon & stars to restore the semicolon to its rightful place in punctuation's pantheon...and as for the ellipses...well, all i can say is, they space things with respect to rhythm and pace better than a boring ole period. women have periods; men get semicolons.
janus
The crux of the biscuit is the apostrophe.
(good one, Great Recovery)
yes, but only if it's to establish possession in reference to a radical subjunctive; and that's only if the biscuit is to be dipped in red eye's gravy.
and that's not even touching on biscuit syntax, let alone its prepositional disposition.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bkLnWN9WSA
janus
OMG you got me. THAT'S happy music. :-)
I USED TO BE able to diagram sentences. It was a wonderful tool. I can still tell when someone is using nonsensical sentence structure to evade saying something, but I wish I could still diagram sentences.
I love the Monty Python skit "Romans Go Home".
I wish I could find the Monty Python skit where the prosecuting attorney is grilling the lady and wheels out a corpse with a big knife stuck in its chest, an apple stuck in its mouth, and its face covered with whipped cream. Oh well.....
if memory serves, my mental compendium of monty python skits has the barrister come bar-b-quer in "And Now For Something Completely Different". there is, however, every chance that i'm mistaken...things were a lil hazy back in the day ('the day' in this case being my MP flying circus phase), i smoked a bit of grass years ago. but i gave that up for weed. now i'm all grown up and i've switched to marijuana.
i seem to recall it being wedged somewhere betwixt the double-visioned adventurer determined to span the twin peaks of mt. kilimanjaro and the upper class twit olympics.
if'n janus ever 'makes it' i reckon i'll have to cut john cleese, eric idle, etc. a check for all the inspiration and wit development. better yet, perhaps it's time to get kenya back on track and complete that magnificent infrastructure project which was, improvidently, aborted immediately upon conception. those myopic bureaucrats lack vision and foresight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46btEgKmCTo
{btw, i'm likewise a bluegrass fanatic. arguably america's best indigenous art form}
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc55MGuC5WA&list=PL0AA4FDDB3F890EE0&index=7
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DO0ifCNt8Hc&list=PL0AA4FDDB3F890EE0&inde...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvCIOgTJXLA&list=PL3AC7515C5DB2D3AB
cheers,
janus, OBE (or soon to be; i'm told her majesty has the paperwork on her desk ready for signatures, wax seals, gilded embossing, etc....and then this lil princess came along and delayed my knighthood. dear Windsors, big-time congrats on lil Charolette, but let's get a hustle on my long over-due OBEing -- i mean, with all this 'progress', knighting every sodomite and dilettante in the commonwealth, i reckon it's high-time buckingham has its first red-neck white-knight.)
YOUR ROYAL MAJESTY, Your devotees in the New Lands respectfully request Your attention to the matter of a certain genuine old-Roman-bluegrass-redneck-moonshineer, and beg You consider: that (1) noone ever did more for Your great city, London, than the Romans when they built the Baths, and when said Romans added so many weird words to Your Language; and that (2) noone ever helped Your Empire's music more than New Lands moonshineer bluegrass girl Allison Krauss when she added New Lands bluegrass to her "Raising Sand" album with Robert Plant (taking nothing away from the Beatles, Stones, John Mayall, the Who, the Animals, the Kinks, Herman's Hermits, Jethro Tull, Elton John, Kate Bush, Robert Thompson, Loreena McKennitt, Stevie Winwood, King Crimson, Donovan, the Sex Pistols, The Lumberjacks of Monty Python, or any of the other absolutely exquisite musicians Your Empire has give the world); and that (3) as both these two groups have spiritually combined in Your devoted Janus; and that (4) as the sun will never set on Your Empire as long as Your Old and New Lands face both Your Empire's glorious past and its amazing future; and that (5) THAT is the function, essence, and has been said devoted Janus's work for as long as he can remember (which, since we gave him so many brownies last night, might not be THAT long at the moment); so therefore, if it please Your Majesty, and should Your Majesty consider it helpful to the amazing future of Your Empire, might Your Majesty consider the KNIGHTING of said devoted Janus?
Good brownies make good neighbors! :-)
dang double post.
Amen. The other being gospel/spiritual/jazz/soul/rock. (evolutionarily speakiung)
I hope Allison Krauss counts, and whatever other country still has bluegrass left in it. Emmy Lou Harris? And I do love steel guitars.
And I love the fact that Robert Plant did a duo album with Allison Krauss. Boy ain't stupid! :-)
Re: Monty Python: egads! 191 episodes. Well, I do hope to find it, and I see a lot of the "Scotsmen" skits are in there too. I had forgotten about Flying Circus. Thank you for reminding me.
… not bad legs for a
68-year-old Central Banker !
I'm just glad it wasn't Bernanke...or Frau Merkel...
Im not going to touch them scroll arrows! Not this time nope.
Coward... ;-)
We need a little more cow, bill
no comparison to Sharon Stone.
Yep, she still leans toward the hot side and still bat shit crazy....
i thought is was basic inkstink, but i guess that's the next frame. *gagging* DON"T spreadem