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Chuck Norris Pledges To Protect Texas From Federal Invasion
Last week, former Texas lawmaker Todd Smith — a 16-year veteran of the Texas House of Representatives and self-proclaimed Last of the Fact-Based Republican Mohicans — took issue with Governor Greg Abbott’s decision to call in the Texas State Guard to monitor training exercises set to be conducted in the state between July and September by members of the Green Berets, Navy SEALS, and various other US army personnel. The drills — known as Jade Helm 15 — have become the subject of fierce debate among some Texans who contend that the US Special Operations Command may be using Jade Helm as an excuse to infiltrate the state in order to pave the way for an eventual takeover by the federal government.
While it’s not entirely clear what a “takeover” would constitute given that Texas is of course part of the United States already, locals recently got an opportunity to voice their concerns at an information session in Bastrop with Lt. Col. Mark Lastoria. Some attendees questioned whether the government intended to confiscate their firearms while others asked if the army would be bringing in ISIS fighters as part of the training program (as we learned on Sunday, there will apparently be no need to import ISIS fighters into Texas as they appear to have already made themselves at home in Garland).
Despite assurances that Washington currently has no plans to re-annex the state, the paranoia has only grown over the past two weeks fueled in part by a map that appears in the unclassified Jade Helm slide deck which designates Texas as a “hostile” territory. Of course the same map also identifies San Diego as harboring a militant insurgency, so the US Spec Ops Command probably assumed it would not be taken literally, but to some Texans the whole ordeal is anything but humorous and Todd Smith’s implicit suggestion that anyone who was suspicious of the federal government’s intentions in the state is a “hysterical idiot” didn't help.
So, with the stage thus set, and with some concerned citizens convinced that a federal invasion of Texas is imminent, someone had to intervene to protect the territorial integrity of The Lone Star State and we imagine that when it comes to thwarting hostile incursions by thousands of well-trained soldiers, there’s no one better suited for the job than Chuck Norris and/or his famous alter ego, Walker Texas Ranger.
Here, in all its glory, is the full Jade Helm statement from Norris/Walker, complete with quotes from historical figures with whom he imagines he shares an ideological bond (including Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson), and on-the-ground intelligence from residents with extensive espionage experience like Mike Hightower, an “affable” antique store owner from Smithville:
Last week, I laughed as some progressives in the mainstream media tried to mock Gov. Abbott for telling the Texas State Guard to monitor the Pentagon’s Jade Helm 15 military ops that are occurring this summer in seven states, including California and Texas.
If you haven’t heard about Jade Helm 15, you need to. It is multi-state training mission for special operations soldiers scheduled over an eight-week period in July and August, with most of the activity happening on private property but some public, too. The official website press release from March 24 admits: “While multi-state training exercises such as these are not unique to the military, the size and scope of Jade Helm sets this one apart.”
Gov. Abbot was right in writing Maj. Gen. Gerald Betty, “During the training operation, it is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed.” Abbott is demanding “regular updates on the progress and safety of the Operation.”
Concerned Texans and Americans are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform. They are merely following orders. What’s under question are those who are pulling the strings at the top of Jade Helm 15 back in Washington. The U.S. government says, “It’s just a training exercise.” But I’m not sure the term “just” has any reference to reality when the government uses it.
“Well, I’m not trusting what we’re being told,” said Mike Hightower, an affable antique store owner and real-estate agent in the very small town of Smithville, Texas, where some Jade Helm 15 exercises will take place. He added, “I think there’s something a little more involved than what they’re telling us.”
If Washington wants to cool the embers of controversy, then it should quit stoking the fire, as with the posting of a map of Jade Helm 15 “just” exercises that label some areas of the country, including Texas, as “hostile,” according to KHOU 11 News in Houston and verified by the Washington Post.
I have an idea: If the government insists on running expanded military ops across seven Southwest states, why doesn’t it move all that “military training” south and protect our borders at the same time?!
Whatever Jade Helm 15 actually is, I think it is more than coincidental that the FBI director just confessed in February that the presence of ISIS can be felt in all 50 states of the U.S. and that the Pentagon is suddenly running its biggest military training exercise with every branch of the military across seven Southwestern states. Whether deterrence, display of power or something more covert or devious, let’s not come with any patronizing nonsense of impotence and simplicity when its origin is in Washington.
I’m glad Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is asking the tough questions of the Pentagon about Jade Helm 15, particularly because its “exercises” come too near to my ranch’s backdoor as well, at least according to the map. It’s pretty sad and bad when major military ops are ordered in a large, fiery state like Texas and not even the governor or its senators know the specifics.
It’s neither over-reactionary nor conspiratorial to call into question or ask for transparency about Jade Helm 15 or any other government activity. To those who merely think we should check our brains at the door of the White House and trust what the government does, I would reiterate to you the words of one of our government’s primary founders, Benjamin Franklin, who said, “Distrust and caution are the parents of security.” Again, he also said, “Security without liberty is called prison.” But then again, I’m sure some today would accuse Franklin of being conspiratorial, too!
As a friend, a law-abiding and loyal retired California Highway Patrol officer, said to me, “In God We Trust; all others we search.” Or as the maxim President Reagan cited, “Trust but verify.”
Friends, when it comes to freedom, we must question, verify and vet everyone and everything. As Thomas Jefferson told his nephew, Peter, in 1787: “Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”
We must never check our brains or blindly trust, especially the government. Rather, we must fight until our dying breaths for liberty, especially when it appears those in power are trying to knock down Old Glory.
Former Navy SEAL Luttrell couldn’t have said it better: “I will never quit. My nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.”
There you have it. While we do not wish to detract from this crisply-worded piece of political theory, we would point out that in addition to offering his interpretation of the Constitution, Norris has also suggested that the government stay far away from the "backdoor" of his ranch. And for all the Texans out there who are concerned about Jade Helm, rest easy because the last time black helicopters took Walker Texas Ranger to task, it did not end well for the black helicopters:
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Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns.
Being a Hollywood icon Chuck should have known better. I wonder if there is still time for me to take an insurance policy out on him...
An icon in which sense? Like Pat Sajak or Gary Coleman.
THE LEGAL FRAMEWORK
- In legal terms the United States of America is currently in a State of War: Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) -- http://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/PLAW-107publ40/pdf/PLAW-107publ40.pdf
- During times of war and under the grounds of National Security, the Executive Branch is granted extraordinary powers to govern by decree if necessary; therefore, constitutional rights can be suspended at any given time and without notice if the government deems imperative.
martial law (mahr-sh;}l). (1933) l. 1he law by which during wartime the army, instead of civil authority, governs the country because of a perceived need for military security or public safety. - The military assumes control purportedly until civil authority can be restored. 2. A body of firm, strictly enforced rules that are imposed because of a perception by the country's rulers that civil government has failed, or might fail, to function. Martial law is usu. imposed when the rulers foresee an invasion, insurrection, economic collapse, or other breakdown of the rulers' desired social order. Black's Law Dictionary Ninth Edition
sedition, n. (l4c) 1. An agreement, communication, or other preliminary activity aimed at inciting treason or some lesser commotion against public authority. 2. Advocacy aimed at inciting or producing - and likely to incite or produce - imminent lawless action. Black's Law Dictionary Ninth Edition
18 U.S. Code Chapter 115 - TREASON, SEDITION, AND SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES -- https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/18/part-I/chapter-115
- During times of war and under the grounds of National Security, any form of dissent can be associated to Sedition and the subsequent ground(s) for Insurrection; thus individuals who advocate seditious activities will be tried under the Military Tribunal system. Read the contents of the U.S. Code: Title 50 - WAR AND NATIONAL DEFENSE, placing emphasis on CHAPTER 13—INSURRECTION (§§ 201 to 204–226) -- https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/50/chapter-13
- During times of war and under the grounds of National Security, compulsory internment of certain US Citizens and Aliens living in Continental United States and overseas possessions into designated military areas is LEGAL. Executive Order 9066 is a historical precedence for this case and these types of actions carried out by the Executive Branch are non-reviewable by the courts. -- http://www.ourdocuments.gov/print_friendly.php?flash=true&page=transcrip...
Read also Korematsu v. United States, 323 U.S. 214 (1944): http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=US&vol=323&invol=214
My bad in that I still haven't moved to Texas.
When God said "Let there be light" Chuck Norris said "Say please"
And when they come for my guns and ammo, they're getting the bullets first!
Fuck'n Chuck Norris
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oAGWC2DoLnQ
just as long as patriots dont mess with electronic voting !
Chuck Norris was killed by ISIS this morning.
But he's OK now.
Chuck Norris is impossible to kill
Did you see that? Dolph Lundgren took a bite out of Chuck Norris' calf and it phased him not!
the only time Chuck Norris feels goosebumps is when he's petting a goose.
I suppose if Chuck says keep out..., they best keep out.
Of course the same map also identifies San Diego as harboring a militant insurgency...
http://fox5sandiego.com/2015/04/28/smuggling-tunnel-found-near-border/
Here's the hella funny thing, they knew about these tunnels long ago!!!
https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF...
Ckuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it.
@Richard Chesler...
that was hillarious!!!!!!! The Chuck Norris facts are legendary...and hillarious.
http://www.chucknorrisjokes.linkpress.info/top-100.php
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.25/5 (4776 Votes)
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Rated 4.09/5 (936 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Rated 4.19/5 (2977 Votes)
Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
Rated 4.1/5 (1161 Votes)
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Rated 4.15/5 (2702 Votes)
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Rated 4.17/5 (3212 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.17/5 (3999 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Rated 4.14/5 (2169 Votes)
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
Rated 4.17/5 (2214 Votes)
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Rated 4.16/5 (2184 Votes)
Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.12/5 (2508 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.18/5 (3503 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.18/5 (2846 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.19/5 (4050 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.18/5 (3499 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.19/5 (2943 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.19/5 (3003 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.18/5 (3439 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.17/5 (3196 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3128 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.15/5 (2922 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.19/5 (4328 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.17/5 (2374 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.18/5 (5454 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.2/5 (3731 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (3404 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.18/5 (2208 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Rated 4.2/5 (793 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (1822 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.15/5 (2250 Votes)
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Rated 4.15/5 (2174 Votes)
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (381 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.17/5 (4303 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.18/5 (2945 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.17/5 (2913 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.19/5 (3136 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.15/5 (2449 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.18/5 (2661 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.15/5 (2392 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.16/5 (3794 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.17/5 (2922 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.17/5 (3232 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.18/5 (2736 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.15/5 (3432 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.18/5 (2623 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.17/5 (1995 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.17/5 (3224 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.18/5 (2239 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rated 4.16/5 (2946 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.18/5 (3669 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.18/5 (2757 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.18/5 (1580 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.16/5 (1850 Votes)
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.17/5 (2532 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.18/5 (879 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.16/5 (2581 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.16/5 (2312 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.16/5 (2860 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.15/5 (2766 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.16/5 (3855 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.16/5 (3371 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.16/5 (3011 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.15/5 (2659 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.16/5 (2375 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.17/5 (4870 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.17/5 (2520 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.16/5 (2646 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.17/5 (2992 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.16/5 (3102 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.15/5 (1252 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.15/5 (2710 Votes)
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Rated 4.14/5 (2413 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.15/5 (3707 Votes)
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Rated 3.82/5 (142 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.15/5 (2342 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.16/5 (2276 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.15/5 (2500 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.16/5 (1770 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.16/5 (2436 Votes)
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Rated 4.14/5 (2421 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.15/5 (2445 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.15/5 (2430 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.14/5 (2466 Votes)
Chuck Norris went around the world...by standing still.
Rated 3.7/5 (216 Votes)
Chuck Norris recorded the making of the first video camera.
Rated 4.06/5 (221 Votes)
Chuch Norris stood next to a bear and was told he had to leave because the bear was scared.
Rated 3.43/5 (181 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Rated 4.13/5 (1900 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.15/5 (3044 Votes)
Chuck can divide by zero.
Rated 4.11/5 (815 Votes)
Chuck Norris hates Raymond.
Rated 3.59/5 (215 Votes)
Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.
Rated 3.9/5 (238 Votes)
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
Rated 3.82/5 (186 Votes)
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
Rated 3.92/5 (200 Votes)
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.
Rated 4.1/5 (258 Votes)
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Rated 4.23/5 (243 Votes)
Chuck Norris won the tour de france, on a stationary bike.
Rated 3.99/5 (229 Votes)
Kings buy Chuck Norris size beds.
Rated 3.96/5 (251 Votes)
Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink. If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also determine the appropriate percentage level of rankness delivered based on the demographics of the attending audience.
Rated 2.51/5 (378 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Rated 4.26/5 (293 Votes)
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Rated 4.1/5 (2179 Votes)
.
Anyway, happy Cinco De Mayo....
My neighbor's take on it is that since Merika lost its pants in Eye-Rack and the Sandwhichstans, DC is offering the military easier targets that include the Lone Star State. Perhaps marching across these states will offer some succor.
Well, Texas is definitely special. That is why among the 50 stars, it is THE LONE STAR state.
Of course everyone knows that Tejas is Mehico and there it is being returned by dis-solving the border.
TPP? Yessir. NAFTA? Yessir.
Chuck jokes rock though :-)
Chuck Norri's tears can cure cancer. It's a shame he's never cried.
Meanwhile, Sequence 14...space guitar...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYBO6cJUsFA
open eyes see: this is aimed at the govenor's of the states and the state assemblies..the DC .gov monster wants them to know, step off the reservation and Lincoln' s solution is very do able today. the states have been warned our military is ready to do this job..sucks
I wonder where he was when all the illegals were coming across the border last year. I guess you have to pick your battles according to which way the wind blows just like the selected official A holes
Do you not recall that not even the State of Arizona was allowed to pass laws that would enable them to actually ENFORCE federal laws regarding immigration? There is nothing we are ALLOWED to do about the border. They are counting the incoming and once they have some certainty that they have reached their critical mass of uneducated democratic voters, only then would they consider shutting it down.
The ponzi needs moar tax livestock
Yeah, pretty much.
We've lost our Keynisnian minds and its getting ugly.
Still...after 25 billion NASA should have a rocket ready...in ten years.
MaGoo-> agreed. To quote Jefferson on one thing, and forget Jefferson signed into law the right for foreigners to buy and own land in the US, opening the door to London/Amsterdam based Wall Street. One day he supports Ron Paul, next is banker Mitt Romney. It all boils down what is popular at the moment.
Chuck Norris endured a Clinton queef.
First of all, Norris isn't just a Texas Ranger, he is also Delta Force. He can single-handedly take on all of them. All we need now is the A-Team and we can pity the foo that gets in their way.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can put out a fire with a gallon of gasoline.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
And Chuck Norris rarely drinks beer but when He does, He drinks Dos Equis.
(don't quit your day job)
collon88..., it's a tough crowd here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WgT9gy4zQA
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups, he bench presses the Earth.
"My bad in that I still haven't moved to Texas."
Glad that I did....
Steve Wynn mentions Fed, dollar debasement, inflation, real unemploymnent (labor participation rate)...
At about 9:16 if you want to skip forward
http://watch.knpb.org/video/2365482629/
Have you taken notice of all the new & much lighter coinage being issued?
I think we're getting closer to the Shisedollar.
Interesting you mention that because I did notice quite recently. I used a vending machine to dispense some much needed bottled water and only had a five dollar bill. Of course, the machine gave me my change in quarters. I was astounded how light $3.75 in quarters felt in my hand.
I happen to keep a roll of quarters in my truck for that occasional close encounter with a toll booth, so when I returned to my truck I retrieved the roll, counted out $3.75 and compared them to what I had just received. Please note the quarters from the machine were newish and the quarters from the roll were mixed, with mostly older (non silver) quarters. There was a marked and noticeable difference in weight.
I took in some new nickels today. They felt so lightweight I checked to see if they were fake.
Yes, they are fake.
Kyle Bass would NEVER buy a million dollars worth of these new nickels.
https://www.congress.gov/bill/113th-congress/house-bill/1719
I believe our coins will be plastic before too much longer. And nobody will care as long as they get they tater chips wif dem.
I believe our coins will not exist before too much longer.
You mean their coins. my coins were made by super novas.
Here is a very plausible scenario.
Coins get eliminated in total and all small change is paid out by venders on government sanctioned stored value or TBTF debit cards. Step one towards a cashless society.
Hong Kong is already headed in this direction with something appopriately called an Octopus Card.
Scary. My wage-slave pay credited bi-weekly to a gov-issued Secure ID card. It's coming.
The best part is we will finally get income tax reform. Rather than taxing us they will simply just allow us to spend what they think we need or DESERVE from our Big Gov debit vendor.
the technology of cards it not there yet. otherwise, they would move us to it.
Damn, no jobs, no cash, no hope...
No wonder Chuck says Stay Out, or Meet My Bruce.
Read "The Day The Dollar Died" by JohnGaltFla (who posts here, by the way).
When paychecks became auto deposited, I knew it was the harbinger for a completely cashless society. These things are always packaged as being convenient but they are just incremental steps to control. Tax withholding will soon be 100% and the government will issue credits as it deems fit.
Miffed
The road to hell is lined with "convenience" stores.
Please take the time to mention this to liquor store owners and mom and pop eateries. Do you want your health care insurance company to know what you are eating and drinking? Do you want certain partys to be informed of your purchases at the prepping, military surplus, or gun store? If not, use and defend cash.
Duplicate. Sorry.
New coins feel like cheap die cast metal. I keep a silver round in my pocket - shit fire and save matches - you can certainly feel the difference.
George Clooney and Obola's other male Hollywood pals will protect America from dangerous sea-men.
I just noticed that! I don't use coins much but in the past couple of weeks I've had brand-new quarters that wouldn't work in a parking meter or a vending machine.
IF you were paying attention You knew what the deal was when they issued the golden Sacagawea Dollar Coin: a fake gold dollar depicting a Native American Slave/Child-bride owned by a Frenchman neither of which were ever Citizens of the United States.
ADD?
It shuld be pointed out that the new (8th & 9th) i would presume edtions of the BLACKS DICTIONARY are both ABRIDGED verions of the original books.
Our local libary had both the paper back abridged version as well as the hard backed original. The difference in size is about 25-30% smaller and some random checks seen many deletionns from the hard bound edition drastically altered the passages. Also the producer of the books.
Be very careful of this difference.
Gawd, do I love the (ha) legal system in action. Milestones
The post above was placed directly answer Comete 25 places above. Noting the difference in time; is this ZH's new policy of random placing of replys so they make no logical sense.This is sad if so--you people are screwing up .
Now corrected. Wow!
Milestones
And now back to the original fuck up. KMA Tyler. Milestones
This is after 5 years on this site. Pathetic
Gubmnt: ctrl-alt-del
And who does the Constitution grant the authority to declare war? Oh, that's right, that would be Congress -- NOT the executive branch.
Such legal definitions are meaningless. When push comes to shove, faux legal authorizations which are of dubious constitutionality will be irrelevant. Before push comes to shove they are of even less use. They probably generate more opposition than they help the elite. I don't know why they do it. Any governor who lets them rape their state on the pretext of such definitions would find a reason to allow the rape in any case.
And don't forget Charles Nelson Reilly.
Not quite Hollywood icon like (kids on the side) Woody Allen or Gary Glitter, but certainly just as iconic as Bette Midlah or Babrah Streisand. . .
They hit Chuck Norris with a nail gun, but he said "no thanks, I just had acupuncture last week".
< Walker, Texas Ranger
< Texas Ranger in a Walker
When Chuck was but 3 years old he rebuilt the axles on the families covered wagon. By age 5 he was teaching Davey Crocket how to hunt.
Chuck Norris BTFATH and demands MOAR!
When the boogie man gets ready to go to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Love how Michael Moore can throw a bit of red meat to the douche bags and the heavy breathing is rampant.. "ooh look Michael Moore gets it" Chuck Norris says essentially I don't trust .gov and neither should you and that is not good enough. You beclown yourselves..
If you trust the organization that has put us 18 trillion in debt waged endless wars and is now flooding your country with third worlders to guarantee one side of a political spectrum stays relevant, you should burn your computer and just stay in moms basement.
That's the frightening part. When even Chuck Norris seems to make more sense than the governments and the MSM, things have definitely gone to shit.
I wonder how many pounds of food Michael "I-own-Haliburton-stock" Moore requires daily to maintain his svelt figure.
I'm pretty sure it is approximately 1 fuck-ton. Lousy Google can't translate that to LBS for me though.
Are you referring to the dude in KC and the Sunshine Band?
They once named a toilet paper after Chuck Norris but it wouldn't sell. It wouldn't take shit off anyone either.
Walker, Texas Ranger
Texas Ranger in a Walker
George Walker Bush
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_W._Bush
OOOH AHHHH Conspiracy Theory
Lots of 'so bad they're good' Chuck Norris jokes are an inevitability here, so I'ma put mine in near the top.
Chuck Norris throws grenade at U.S military personnel, kills 26... Then it exploded.
I'd say Chuck Norris is in as much danger from the government as a snail darter.
With regards to Jade Helm, Affirmative Action Tyler, there is little direct military value to be obtained, a LOT of money to be wasted and an endless amount of political agit-prop to be generated by the fascist Obama administration you so adore.
I've known a lot of military folks over the years. Morale is back down to Carter admin levels. Brown nosing POS of being pushed up the ranks to "balance" perspectives.
So rejoice while you can ... because the pendulum ALWAYS swings BACK.
Jade Helm is an obvious psy-op, and all the actors that are coming out for and against it are no different than your usual WWF villains and heroes.
Some people will 'feel better' knowing there are 'heroes' like Chuck in 'Merika, peeps will be distracted, and the MIC gets to flex its muscles (and spend ur $).
Oh Yeah Barliman: VOTE NANCY AND RON REAGAN.
What a joke.
its called conditioning.
10 years later
Martial law is not so bad, I'm used to it
Hollywood doesn't take contracts out on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kindly provides Hollywood with opportunities to feel like they can do something.
I wonder who had the BOLI on Sheryl Sandberg's hubby...Goldberg.
Heard a rumor Zuckerschmuck is a grandson of Rottenfellar & this death was another warning shot.
I heard something similar. (Zuck and Rockefeller) Report I read says they didn't release cause of death. They were on vacation.
Allegedly fell off a treadmill and hit the back of his head. He was found in a pool of blood.
These exercise accidents are becoming a concern, just ask Harry Reid.
The hotel released a statement saying he was not even staying at the hotel or at the hotel.
David Rotenfeller's doctor son was murdered about 7 months ago and it was here on ZH. His turboprop crashed on take off in NY not far from the family mansion. That was a hit.
Gym accident. Don't believe your lying eyes. /s
Gyms are bad for health
"Being a Hollywood icon Chuck should have known better. I wonder if there is still time for me to take an insurance policy out on him..."
Interesting question... if hes famous and you own a fan club/memorabilia store, could you claim a vested interest in his well being?
'its not speculative your honor, my $0 dollar revenue business is going bankrupt now that hes dead'
No worries, he's covered:
Chuck Norris Endorses Benjamin Netanyahuhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/16/chuck-norris-benjamin-netanyahu...
Just another Amer/Zio/Nazi
Sorry to piss on your dreams.
I think the last 'great mercan' was Gen Patton. Enough said.
The Patton of Bonus Army fame? If that's your definition of "great"......
Yes, sadly.
I think he realized some things before he was killed, perhaps he read some of Butler's stuff.
Perhaps I should have used 'potentianally powerful' enstead of 'great'.
Sometimes accidents are just assassinations.
Take note of what happened to Joan Rivers for pointing out the fudgepacker for what it is and the wookie as a tranny.... ouch!
That old cunt couldn't get his spandex crotch jeans up high enough to kick the cheese off my ball bag!
Thanks Dick
Fuck yeah, now were cookin.... Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47
....
He prefers the UZI.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups.
He pulls the Earth up to him.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.
Chuck Norris once threw a hand grenade and killed ten people, then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris is a total douche and should team up with Ted Nuggent for recon mission to Mexico to halt all illegals. Because he can do anything, like protect Texas from a federal invasion. gotta save the steers and queers.
Norris doesnt bow at the 'wailing wall', wait, he does.
Chuck Norris can see so far past the horizon he can watch his back
"There's a 99.9% chance Chuck Norris is your biological father"
and a 99.9% certainy he gave your mother a venereal disease.
I wish...sorry Dad...maybe..sorry
he'll kick much DHS ass with that chin alone.
Under Chuck's beard is another beard - he technically has no chin.
Bernanke has a printing press under his beard.
So does Yellen.
Ewwww!
Under the beard that is under is beard is fist.
Their ass has had it now
No shit. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence; unless Chuck Norris has been there- then it's soaked in blood.
Dear Chuck,
When in describing the situation the USA is in now did the word "awesome" replace the word "awful?"
Regards.
Chuck should expect to see some Predator's flying practice runs over the back 40 in the near future.
Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare, then walks home.
How old is he?
No-one knows but if he's still alive he won't be getting much older. Then they can cut him in half and count the rings.
Or perhaps they will just send the Jade Helm Special Ops teams in a little early...
cut little Chucky in half and each half will be about 2 1/2 ft.
chuck is in his 70's
In his 70's or from the 70's?
From the 70's.
1870's....
Chuck Norris is on infinite repeat.
ah the day. gov servanence rode a horse...
a sixgun in place, proper technique meant another good day of liberty.
the good outnumbered the bad 100:1
beam me back...
"Chuck Norris' relatives didn't come over on the Mayflower....HE came over on the Mayflower!"
how he is old?
72ish
dude, Yoda day was yesterday.
Republicans Reject Bill Amendment to let Veterans Affairs Doctors Recommend Cannabis
I don't know how to vote on that one. Does an upvote mean "Yay, those freedom-loving Republicans can always be counted on to do the right thing!"? Or, does an upvote mean "Thanks for pointing out that Republicans are fucktards, like Democrats."?
If the latter, I'd upvote.
it means they have a voter base of church-ladies and a donor base of pharmaceutical companies.
not that there's anything wrong with that in the new abnormal.
IF YOU GOTTA GO, MAKE SURE YOU TAKE AT LEAST 10 OF "THEM" WITH YA (IN YOUR CASE CHUCK - 100!) .
I like chuck and all the jokes but this is ridiculous.
Yeah, but kinda apropos, huh?
Chuck Norris, Fuck YEAH! He's comin' to save the mother-fuckin' day, now!
Yea b/c Chuck knows what's up. If it's not staging, it's significant ongoing training. Do the bankers really think they can trick the military into being their gestapo?
Depends on how much they pay them. That being said, there will be SHIT LOADS of dead military servicemen if they turn on citizens.
Assuming you use the term "pay" loosely lol, they can use Federal Reserve Notes for the luxury of toilet paper at least.
Do they really think they can trick the military into being their gestapo?
No. Military are the biggest Ron Paul voting demographic.
Do they really think they can trick SOME IN THE MILITARY into being their gestapo, for a while?
Probably.
'Trick' is the operative word and the problem.
'Force Unambiguity' is the answer.
I agree with part of your statement, but I have a friend that was in the military and he quit because of Obama and the "cuts" that were made to the military. He said, and I quote, "We used to have steak and lobster Fridays and those were taken away. I'm not sticking around for that kind of bullshit."
Boy, where can I get some of those steak and lobster MREs? I bet we could triple attendance at our civilian Jade Helm style training sessions with that kind of grub.
Jude Helm should be staged in Baltimore or South ChiTown. That appears the real "hostile territory".
lol