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Apple Watch: Epic Dud?
With Apple Watches still on back-order (due to defective supply, not abundant demand) and the sell-side confused as to whether it will be a great success (Morgan Stanley's exuberant extrapolation of Google searches) or a damp squib (KGI cut estimates on demand slowing), the latest projections from Slice Intelligence suggest things are definitely going so well for the world's largest gadget-maker.
After the first minute of the first day's initial (and oh so American short-attention-span-confirming) burst of buying...
Things have tailed off dramatically... averaging under 30k per day being ordered (according to Slice Intelligence projections)
Slice Intelligence's projections are based on data that it tracks from US consumer spending through e-commerce email receipts.
Apple has taken orders for almost 2.5 million watches in the US through Monday, May 18, according to Slice’s projections, which are based on more than 14,000 online shoppers.
More than half of those orders were placed on April 10, the first day Apple accepted watch pre-orders in the US and eight other countries, according to Slice.
* * *
Perhaps, The Daily Mash's satirically-conjured man's perspective of his first day wearing the device is closer to home after all...
Sales manager Tom Logan’s new Apple Watch has been unexpectedly ridiculed by his work colleagues.
32-year-old Logan felt confident that his futuristic timepiece would attract admiring glances rather than unflattering Knight Rider comparisons.
He said: “I had it all planned out – not saying anything about it, but then somebody just notices and goes ‘is that the new Apple Watch?’. I would respond simply with a wry Clooney-esque smile and they would mouth the word ‘awesome’.
“What actually happened is somebody said ‘what the fuck’s that weird-looking thing?’
“I explained that it was the brand new Apple Watch and they went ‘HAHAHA’ in a really deliberately hurtful way. The accounts assistant said it was the opposite of a fanny magnet and everyone cracked up.
“Then everyone started pretending to talk into their watches, saying things like ‘come in KITT, I am a massive tosser, please help’.”
By 10am Logan had removed the watch. He explained: “It wasn’t because people were being sarcastic, I just had a hot wrist, everyone gets a hot wrist sometimes.
“People get jealous of early adopters.”
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Apple watches are so Dull. they can't even get a laugh or a post.. on ZH
If you short it today you can brag you sold the top within 1%
Check in later
The sheeple are broke Bitchez!!!
They need MOAR I-CASH AND I-CREDIT
no they need an I-Brain
thats a given , hence sheeple
Is it wrong that I find myself wanting to read the story of how this guy got made fun of in public for wearing an apple watch over and over and over? I literally feel like Cartman tasting the tears of unfathomable sadness.
Aapl watch has quickly become highly irritating, talking to someone constantly glancing down at their phone is bad enough.. but glancing at wrist constantly, then fuckin with watch, then using phone to reply? Madness. I’m a big aapl fan but I hope this fails, I'm over the watch.
Look Up!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3P7382VPtE
The only thing stupider than that watch are the people who made them.
Don't you love it when you're at a concert, getting into the groove, and the A$$h0le in front of you holds up his phone and watches the entire show through the 2" x 3" screen, so you can't even see the stage?!?!? What should we do to these people?
Well from what I've seen the screen stays off to conserve power until you raise your wrist to your eyes to read it. It takes a second or so to come to life, where my Ecodrive has the information I need, instantly.
Secondly, if it's not powered up it looks like you've got a black shiny square on your wrist. Where's the fun, the appeal, of that?
If you want to burn some cash on a tech watch that may prove useful, look at the fenix 3 sapphire.
All 60K Boomers that wanted it bought it. The 7K Gen-X'ers too, the 1K odd Millenials, and the three Always On's (A.O.) as a gift from G&G.
And so now we enter the phase of AAPL's ephemeralization. No new ideas. Swinging for the fences, grasping at straws.
What will Icahn do?
Next Apple will be making cars! But will it have Windows?
What will iCahn do - FIFY
What's a watch?
Apple is one bad fad away from being the red headed step child of technology once again... And unless Steve Jobs froze his brain and they can figure out some way to bring him back it will be the final chapter of Apple... Apple will be remembered as nothing more than a technological experiment in socialism. Without an effective dictator telling people what to do - it all falls apart...
Good Riddance.
I removed the watch because of a hot wrist when the lithium battery caught fire.
Sales will take off once Apple’s latest product is expected to hit the market!
Sources inside China have now revealed the Apple Watch will soon sport an accessory that will allow viewing messages on the watch with same clarity and screen size as the iPhone.
Paired with the Apple Watch, the rechargeable HD monocle, tentatively named the i<eye>, will be available in 3 models, Basic, Sport and the solid platinum Elite version.
Accessory products will include fashion forward alternate eye patches to enhance the viewing experience. Early reports, however have indicated the new product has a limited battery life and a possible propensity for eye burn.
Actually it's "iBurn", not eye burn. It's a feature, not a bug. You get the Aaaaaaaapl logo emblazoned on your retina, so that you'll always appreciate and love them.
BTW, if you want to watch human stupidity... I just happened to catch a small story on one of those stupid daytime talk shows while waiting for my sandwich at lunch today. Someone is making a line of purses with Li-Ion bats inside so that women can charge their "devices" while on the go.
lol, first time a woman slams her purse down.... *boom*
Best comment on the thread...ties in perfectly with my Apple watch is a Chevy Volt for your wrist theme...
http://thecivillibertarian.blogspot.com/2015/03/apple-jumps-shark-invent...
Mine Is working just fine, thank you.
This reminds me of the pundits who called smart phones a flash in the pan.
Hey Knukles!
No shit! I HAD to program an app on one of these things for work, I'm a Linux/Android - type guy so I really didnt even pay attention to this thing until it was in my hand...or rather ..on my wrist. It LITERALLY bakes your wrist!! I took it off after maybe 20 minutes and I swear I still feel it hours later! Yuck.
My 16 year old daughter who is VERY into Apple products...thinks the watch is "lame"...
Uh oh!
iDemocracy would be a nice device to bring democracy to countries where there are plutocracies/oligarchies.
Will never happen, rather the iBrainwash is coming.
Comes down to the growing consumer set to drive this product...but just who is that growing set of consumers???
Nearly all net population growth in the US (and advanced economies) is in the 65+ segment coupled with the 65+ set generally living on fixed incomes and generally spending at 3/5's of their working years (with a majority entirely dependent of SS and the like w/ nearly zero COLA's)...Well, when your economy is dependent on consumer growth and growth is dependent on this segment to drive it forward...no wonder economists (and Applie) are confused at the lack of demand and slow growth in the economy...and why they are only going to get more confused.
http://econimica.blogspot.com/2015/05/reality-check.html
http://econimica.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-truth-of-great-financial-crisisand.html
in 5/6 years we will all be wearing something like this.
This is an early version. Maybe bond and day traders don't necessarily understand tech stocks, huh?
Right now it is priced to high for what it can actually do.
Second>third gen will be a different story.
New code/apps is actually going to be the most interesting thing.
Particularly {my interest} micro holographic tech.
What if your watch projected a head and neck image of the person you're talking to?
Right now... yea youre looking at an early peak. Still, tech stocks are relative to other tech stocks. Apl remains better positioned than just about everyone. Lots to like about HTC too. Samsung keeps being the most inventive in a lot of ways - but is giving people options they dont give much of a fuck about.
http://time.com/money/3742215/apple-watch-predictions/
https://medium.com/@paulcanetti/why-you-are-wrong-about-apple-watch-not-...
I'd love to compare and contrast gains in the tech sector over the past 5 years with you unremittingly ignorant twats.
Alas, there's beer to drink and meat to eat...
Happy Memorial Day.
"in 5/6 years we will all be wearing something like this."
Speak for yourself. Not anyone else.
In the meantime, ZH please welcome back FONESTAR!! with a brand new, just as hopium-fuelled outlook as before.
In earlier times, monkey spankers (or rod wallopers as they say down under) would wind the handle off their self-winding mechanical watches.
The new Garmin 225 seems to be a purpose-built watch that a serious runner will find value in. Apple seemed to have built their gadget in search of a purpose.
But if it was a new company named ABC Watch Inc. and they sold 2.5 million watches with an average price of $500, the company would be a Wall Street darling and worth $50 billion instantly. Let's have just a little perspective people. Serious question; why do people hate Apple so much? Actually interested. They make high quality products that people enjoy. Why so much hate?
Bangin:
Why do so many hate Apple?
Should we start with their obnoxious self-aggrandizing attitude? Maybe their history of stealing everything they could get using their "my pockets are deeper than yours" legal strategy? How about their bought-and-paid-for political lobby protecting their anti-trust violations on selling their OS? Could their policy of making you pay mega-bucks for their proprietary hardware using old-fashioned Intel technology that should sell for half the price (but the desparate-for-attention-nerds will pay anything to tell themselves they are the superior beings on the planet), and making obsolete every piece of software you own useles when OSX came out? I got it - think it might be their ties to Google and the NSA?
There are lots more.
But I think the biggest reason is the arrogance of their product owners. They are the biggest bunch of self-righteous jerks on the planet with their better-and-more-intelligent-than-God attitude.
Sigh. So little time, so many reasons to hate Apple . . .
-30-
How about the fact they don't pay taxes and leave their billions offshore?
Real American patriots
Good points.
I also hate seeing apple products in every goddamn movie
VERY obvious product placement too, and in most cases the "product" is used by one of the headline "stars".
Just another way to spread the visible (and subliminal) message that "evryone" has to have an Apple product - and the message is most certainly getting across, isn't it.
My major beef with Apple products is that you get what you get, and there's no real choice. With the "other" personal computer market, you can choose what you want very much - motherboard / CPU / storage / memory / audio / video - lots of big names, and even the smallest "PC Stores" are willing to build your machine of choice.
Then there's the issue of repair / upgrading . . . . .
Bang - I agree on you perspective about the ABC watch company. But Apple haters also have plenty of reasons.
I see enough limitations on the Apple watch that I don 't want one. Perhaps it will take a generation or two for them to get it right.
It looks like something a parole officer puts on your ankle.
"Tagged for Life" . . . .
Maybe there are "additional functions" Apple Inc. have chosen to keep quiet about. . . . . (iTag being one of them!)
It reads and transmits vitals, so it doubles as a lie detector.
.... you can put your weeeeeed in there, man.
The whole fucking Apple robot fan base took one in the shorts with this debacle. Ouch.
What time is it? Hold on. In 5 presses I can tell you.
how do you figure?
http://performance.morningstar.com/stock/performance-return.action?p=pri...
if anyone is robotic its the people who seem to hate apple with the fury once reserved by 98 pound geeks for the homecoming king.
What are you into, treasuries?
Quit that jibba jabba, son.
In stores in june and I bet you they tickle the price down.
Plenty of people still buying yachts, you know.
its not hateing apple--like its not hateing the faggot next door--Its him telling you over the fence how great it is being a cock sucker every time you walk out the front door-- Its the get outta my face you fucking asshole and take your shit down the street thing--not hate --just saying
It's the hypocrisy. Everything is awesome in Appleland! Except for this. Now it's excuses. This not an Apple launch. It's a...disappointment.
check out tomoon, though
http://www.businessinsider.com/tfire-china-smartwatch-tech-apple-watch-2...
p.s. ovr at seeking alpha:
http://seekingalpha.com/news/2541716-apple-reportedly-wants-to-offer-loc...
http://www.bidnessetc.com/43433-apple-inc-to-enjoy-opportunity-worth-up-...
If they made something that detonated it would be all the rage.
But Gee, what will Apple do with all that Gold it purchased?.....Oh well, might as well be used as a hedge!....
What The fuck is a watch ?
It was funny then (April 28), courtesy of Agent Default and its just as funny now: You have to understand the faggotry of the situation here. I am not talking gay. I am talking enormous raging faggot. This thing packs so much faggotry even /b/ would be amazed.
Lolll! funny indeed. Almost fell out of my chair laughing.
That's funny as hell... Is it really That far beyond gay? If only the only color it came in was pink... lol
It's the epitomy of faggotry and it won't even take a picture?
Only a skinny jean wearing faggot would buy that thing.
And chinks. They love that shit, right?
Well knock me over with a feather....
If I had an iWatch, I'd iWatch in the mornin', I'd iWatch in the evenin', all over this land!
Big first output, lousy pick up after = inventory stuffing.
Same type of inventory stuffing that screwed both qualcomm and nortel when they were shoving equipment into warehouses of vendors to pretend that they 'sold' equipment. The reality is they were only leaseing on their cost with other people's shop space. Apple is unfortunately uses the same inventory managment model. Besides if people are given the choice to blow a grand or more on a watch, they won't buy an apple watch. They'll buy art that goes on a wrist like a Tissot or a Frederique Constant, they don't buy an apple watch. All the watch snobs I've ever met are incredibly picky.
most of this was wrong.
The last sentence is absurd. Not the same price point, functionality, or audience.
What the fuck , man, puff puff *pass*!
Counterpunch:
Another reason to hate Apple - misrepresentation, and from their arrogance, thinking nobody will catch it.
Remeber when they touted the watch at about $350 or so?
Uh, kind of left out that you have to buy the iPhone6 too, pushing the real cost up to about a $1,000 when you add up the total cost.
So, if you want an Apple watch, you are going to shell out about $1,000 to get it.
And what, pray tell, does the watch do that the phone doesn't? Oh yeah - that's right - the phone is nothing but a bluetooth extension of the phone - it does NOTHING without the phone within 20-feet of it!!! OOOOO Kay! What a deal - a $350 Bluetooth appliance.
Get a grip - it's a symbol that you have way too much money, and not nearly enough brains to keep it.
-30-
"Beam me up Scotty..."
the aliens and sellouts in the movie They Live had a watches like that.
kin i gits Adult FriendFinder on that thang?
Calling Dick Tracy
The thing looks like crap!
Only a pathetic soul would wear one, in hopes that they are in and look cool!
Looks more like an electronic ankle monitor.
Lisa.
If they would have taken an actual apple,and attached it to a wristband,they would have sold 5 million units on the first day..
Ha -yeah funny story. But where does AAPL go from here - NOW WHAT Timmy?!?
Any criticism of St. Tim is homophobia
/s
I wonder if Timmy is comfortble with another man's dick up his ass.
I think the programmable fanny vibrator will be a hit. What do you think?
Even my dipshit brother-in-law (who is all on-board with Tesla and Alibaba and now can’t wait for the Uber IPO) agrees that the Apple Watch is a dud. He now carries his in his pocket next to his iPhone. I guess he doesn’t want anyone else to notice he’s a dipshit.
If I get a free one with an Iphone 7...then maybe
TIP:
Just keep your old iPhone, even after the 7 comes out, and even if they offer to give you a free handjob with purchase.
Apple Watch will only last 2 - 3 years and it will become too slow with the new update; same fate to the bloody iPhone. So for those herd the nerds with iPhone + Apple Watch, be prepare to waste $1500 for every 2 - 3 years. Stupid consumerism.
The batteries become more underperforming over time. These watch owners have a lot to look forward to. Hell, you want a good watch? They're cheap as nails. Citizen EcoDrive, just put it on. No batteries to replace or charge. Who wants more chores maintaining something of marginal value? Isn't your time worth more than that? The rest of the stuff is already in your phone. Enough is enough.
If I have to plug it in to tell the time, it isn't a watch. It is an alarm clock
Rocking an IPhone 4. When that finally pukes, I will buy a Samsung
Just bc I refuse to buy into Apple's creative obsolescence scam
me too. for more than 5 years. only have to charge it about every 3 or 4 days when it dies i'll play it by ear.
1969 Seiko Bell-matic.
No batteries to replace/charge.
Does have an alarm though...
What good is a watch that only holds a charge for 3 hours
Ummm - 30,000 per day is 10 million per year. I'd keep the conveyor belt rolling if there are that many geekiots willing to buy.
The first thing you see on your phone is the time! that's why this will be a dud.
First thing I see is a nice beaver background...
iPhone in other hand can tell the time
stupid product
Let me get this straight: 30,000 watches a day at $400 is a $4.4B business. For a f*cking watch. Sounds like epic fail to me :-/
No wonder the stock went up so much! They still have a lot of watches to sell!
40 years ago I bought a used Rolex "Red Submariner" encased in stainless. Price - $1,200. Have spend over the years about $2,000 on repairs and maintenance. Market says that the watch is worth today between $10,000 and $20,000. Wear this watch when not "in the field".
My "field" watch is a solar powered Casio Pathfinder - about 5 years old. Do nothing for it except wear it. Black varnish worn off on the edges. The magnetic compass has saved my ass several times.
Why screw around with experiments - get something that has proven itself over time.
I bought an cheap Casio many years ago. It had a metal band. The battery was rated for about 5 years. It ran for about 15 years. I think I still have it in a drawer.
Like said, good thing that you can immediately recognize the morons now by their Apple shackle.
My phone has a watch in it.
You know, I always wanted to wear a stylish personal tracking device that broadcast all my thoughts and movements to my owners. But Apple? I really didn't like Jobs at all and I'm not sending any more money to his ghost.
Today? An old used Glasshutte hand-wound thing with a nice zifferblatt. No date. eBay from some German refurbisher ten years ago. Loses a minute a day on a good day but it knows how to keep a secret.
Even Maxwell Smart recognized that a shoe phone is more practical than a wrist device!
Three words: Expensive Hula Hoop.
There is a rather a massive problem with smart watches let-alone high power vapourware like holograms from a watch, the power supply capacity, Li-ion is still too weedy for this form factor to do much, production battery tech. is not getting better fast enough to keep up with aspirations like this and decent wireless power is still not good enough or wide spread.
Apple needs to purchase the iFag.com domain for selling it's soon to be forgotten iFagWatch.
2.5 million ifools and their money parted.
News flash...nobody wears watches any more. They have gone the way of the man's hat.
they should have made it a pocket watch and out of steel so the it could be swung on a chain to 'take out' that ridiculer.
You mean the Apple zombies aren't lining up for the new product? I guess Steve Jobs' hypnosis of them has finally worn off. Now all they see is a rump ranger at the helm of the company putting out faggot shit like the iWatch.
Is there a chart showing how many watches were returned?
I used the watch at the store, the thing is useless... the menus are annoying to navigate. . . and it doesn't tell you anything your smart phone cant tell you or a 40$ "watch" from DHgate cant....
so....
I really REALLY expect to see atleast 20% of the people who bought the thing atleast try and return it. . . . shits expensive and not all that useful. . . im sure a lot of people were disapointed with it.
Timmy Cook is an iDiot
and a fAggot.
They should make one out of a cock ring, then chicks can be entertained while they're down there. Just don't make it voice activated.
Given the proclivities of their CEO, their next product will be probably be iButtPlug.
I performed a search for an "I-Cunt." I cunt find one.
Apple will be fine. You may not have realised it, but the worldwide push to outlaw cash is just a clever Apple marketting buildup to their next killer product announcement - iCash.
With iCash you can buy anything you want. So long as it's an Apple product of course. But who would want anything else?
They're still ironing out a few bugs, such as the short battery life. You may lose all your iCash if the battery isn't recharged at a small cost twice daily.
A grocery store chain called BI-LO in Hilton Head Island, proudly displays a "We accept Apple Pay". I had a moment of laughter in check out line.
All apple products are basically scams.
People are willing to pay a fuckload of premium for the same hardware architecture used in desktop PCs and a slightly modified unix OS.
Fucking idiocy.
My interest in Apple products in general is zero and in the Apple watch way below zero...
Didn't Icahn just put a job order of 1.5 million of these fucking things on ebay.
Icahn tell the time now
Don't normally get a laugh from ZH articles but this one cracked me up :)
Apple watch = crapola dud deluxe