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Caught On Tape: Self-Driving Car Ploughs Into Journalists

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While there is much debate whether the latest and greatest Apple fad is a dud...

or a hit...

... Apple has, in case the fading wearables mania is the former, a Plan C: a self-driving car

Or maybe not, because for a company built on the successful creation, execution and marketing of gadgets with a two year average lifespan, the worst thing that can happen is for the world to glimpse the unpleasant reality behind the glitzy, futuristic facade for sale every day (usually with a 4-6 weeks delivery delay) in Cupertino.

Such as this video, taken in the Dominican Republic, showing a self-parking Volvo XC60 reversing itself, waiting, and then slamming into journalists who were gawking at the "fascinating" if somewhat homicidal creation, at full speed.

As the Independent reports, the horrifying pictures went viral and were presumed to have resulted from a malfunction with the car.

Only it wasn't a malfunction.

Instead, in what is perhaps the most epic "option" in the history of automotive history, Volvo decided to make the special feature known as “pedestrian detection functionality” cost extra money.

It gets better: the cars do have auto-braking features as standard, but only for avoiding other cars — if they are to avoid crashing into pedestrians, too, then owners must pay extra.

“It appears as if the car in this video is not equipped with Pedestrian detection,” Volvo spokesperson Johan Larsson told Fusion. “This is sold as a separate package.”

 

The feature uses a radar and camera to see pedestrians.

 

“The pedestrian detection would likely have been inactivated due to the driver inactivating it by intentionally and actively accelerating,” Larsson said. “Hence, the auto braking function is overrided by the driver and deactivated.”

 

The blog that uploaded the video said that the two men “were bruised but are ok”. They said that “sources” had told them that “the drivers forgot to turn on ‘City-Safe’ mode”.

Indeed: a "self-driving" parking car which conveniently has an optional extra that stops the car from smashing into people.

In other words, unless you can fork over the extra couple thousand bucks, the future "self-driving" car becomes a war truck right out of Mad Max, filled with an insatiable desire to mangle and crush any carbon-based life forms that have the misfortune of crossing its path.

Just like in the video below. Presenting: the future.

 

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Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:14 | 6134684 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Well, "journalists" are the modern lepers.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:52 | 6134789 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Zero Hedge has been reading like a mouthpiece for the Chinese Ministry of Propaganda lately, and yet they at least acknowledge how Chinese ownership of Volvo, formerly a Swedish concern, has really fucked up the product, so I have to give props to ZH for that, at least.

Now onto some more doom porn, buy gold, China & Russia are going to defeat the U.S. soon articles (despite both China & Russia seeing their economies and exports collapse at a real rate far exceeding U.S. economic performance).

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:02 | 6134816 Creepy A. Cracker
Creepy A. Cracker's picture

That's not a self-driving car.  It's a Smart Car.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:08 | 6134832 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Ah, so it was texting while driving.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:17 | 6134853 nc551
nc551's picture

This is not a self driving car.  They are attempting to test the automatic pedestrian avoidance system that happens to not be installed.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:06 | 6134971 Urban Roman
Urban Roman's picture

For  a little more extra you can get the tank tread option and then parking just doesn't matter. It simply crushes anything in its way.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:29 | 6135019 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Very interesting. I remember putting th eword transhumanism in a couple of comments overth elast few days. 

This is one failed face of it.

The machine wants to be it's own person. Self determined.

Anyone here old enough to remember Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?

The first law would have made this impossible.

Science Faction! Bringing the Singularity closer Every day!

https://aadivaahan.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/collateral-damage/

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:55 | 6135059 Automatic Choke
Automatic Choke's picture

 

 

see nc551's comment above.  yet another "fear/stupidity porn" article that ZH is getting wrong.  has tyler sold out completely to click-bait?

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:03 | 6135069 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Zero Hedge has been right for 6 years, and China & Russia are the two dominant superpowers of the world, economically & militarily, and we in the west are now at their mercy.

Welcome your new masters.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:09 | 6135128 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Learn Mandarin. Buy Rubles?

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:32 | 6135222 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

Newsflash Update: U.S. Police departments place order for 1 500 000  volvos without optional extras

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 04:25 | 6135265 bigkahuna
bigkahuna's picture

it knew......it knew.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 04:45 | 6135277 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

 

Well, so much for Asimov's 1st law of robotics!

 

 

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:13 | 6135361 AIIB
AIIB's picture

So that finally explains the TWIN TOWERS...

 

The govt had apparently not purchased the building detection package

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:31 | 6135378 negative rates
negative rates's picture

It's insanity squared, and by design.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 07:03 | 6135411 Arnold
Arnold's picture

Obviously a Chinese AI driver.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 07:15 | 6135424 AIIB
AIIB's picture

Man who run in front of car become tired

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 07:38 | 6135456 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

Next thing you know they'll make a car that takes out whistleblowerss, oh wait....

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:39 | 6135234 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

TIS, welcome our new... partners

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 08:13 | 6135532 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

haha good one TruthInSunshine... next time add the /sarc tag, you suckered in those upvotes way too easy...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:09 | 6135126 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

OooooH!!! Can we get that in an automatic Statist Avoidance option?

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:20 | 6135211 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

You know that you can use the state to your advantage at times...

 

For instance,tonight, the "Night Watchman" pver at the Auto Paint Shop decided to STEAL a set of dykes from me. He is not on the payroll, "working"under the table for a place to stay. Fucking convict.

 

So do you think that I am going to call the cops? Hell no. Why bother? It is so petty. They will just "take a report".

 

There is a much better way.

 

Tommorow morning I am heading to the State Board of Equalization and report the business for not properly filing Payroll Taxes...especially on this convict.

 

You can bet that the revenue starved state of California will send an army to recover the funds.

 

With that business shut down I will not have to concern myself with the Night Watchman again, will I?

 

Why use a bullet when a Nuke will work? That will end up being one hell of an expensive set of dykes.

 

The state isn't all that bad...especially when you can use them as a weapon.

 

So go ahead and steal from me. I will fuck up anybody that does....and everyone associated with them.

 

Stupid fucking thieves...

 

 

 

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:35 | 6135383 negative rates
negative rates's picture

I'm gonna follow behind you and reverse any action you take, equalizing the field, what you gonna DO now boy.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 08:07 | 6135512 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

You? That is laughable. You are impotent...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:42 | 6135389 Main_Sequence
Main_Sequence's picture

Or the automatic journalist collision system.

 

"Yup, it's working"

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 09:11 | 6135749 Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

Just photoshop the car exterior with the Greek flag, and place large Euro symbols on the backs of the journalists, and you'll have a darn good metaphor for the EMU experiment.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 09:16 | 6135769 Lux Fiat
Lux Fiat's picture

I would think the Russian gov't would be interested in this version of the car.  Might be a tad less suspicious if an independent Russian journalist was run over by "wayward" technology versus shot in an obvious assasination.  Ditto various bankers.  Less newsworthy and splashy than leaps from tall buildings and nailgun play gone awry.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:42 | 6135165 IronForge
IronForge's picture

Correction:

The People who were RAN Over were diddling with their SmartPhones...

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:21 | 6134865 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

It's a Smart Car.

 

How do you like them airbags?

 

Muwahahahahahahahahahaha.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:21 | 6135086 MonetaryApostate
MonetaryApostate's picture

Reminds me of the "Smart Phones"  Pfft...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:10 | 6135129 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Recalled. TYVM.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:37 | 6135385 negative rates
negative rates's picture

I don't, dismantled mine, gonna sell the car soon too.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:54 | 6134943 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

Who turned off the visual que sensors on those journalists!!  Holy cow....a car speeding toward you is a car speeding toward you....even if it doesn't have a human driver.    Those dudes had 100% faith in that technology....woops

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:01 | 6135354 joseJimenez
joseJimenez's picture

I am a software Engineer or programmer whatever you want to call me.  I been around doing control type coding since the late 70's.  I am betting a lot more incidents like this for quite sometime.  All self driving vehicles need an hard override switch. I will not have any trust in them for quite sometime.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:04 | 6134821 Nobodys Safe
Nobodys Safe's picture

You forgot to add the two ISIS articles per page one everyday.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:33 | 6134899 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

And WWIII is 6 months away.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:51 | 6134939 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

you're wrong, tis: china and russia are not going to defeat the us, nor do they need to.

they just need to stay out of the way while the us defeats itself.

and in related news:

http://www.theonion.com/article/fbi-uncovers-al-qaeda-plot-to-just-sit-b...

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:16 | 6135082 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Dude, I've been reading Zero Hedge's doom porn bullshit for 6 years now, and as I've said, I'm certain the U.S. is facing massive issues of a structural nature, and that much pain lies ahead, but China & Russia (along with many other Zero Hedge "fan favorites") are going to fare so much worse by comparison that they'll wish that they only had the U.S.'s problems.

Zero Hedge is full retard propaganda when it comes to anything China and especially Russia.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:36 | 6135099 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Some Tyler articles still do justice to the spirit of oldskool ZH. I thought everyone just goes straight to the comments these days anyway, given the groundhoggedayness of gub/bank can kicking and a steady decline in readable and/or correct journalism and auhorship. What I don't understand is the Pootin worship.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:42 | 6135103 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

China has the gold! No, look at China's Ponzi economy & markets! No, China is an emerging superpower both economically & militarily! No, China is building bridges to nowhere and its exports are in freefall!

Zero Hedge is fucking bipolar.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:31 | 6135155 Barry McBear
Barry McBear's picture

Haha, so true, but whatever happens ZH will be quick to tell you that they told you so.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:35 | 6135226 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

I think even though this is not in Forum format, that is really what ZH is. 

Brilliant choice of articles and snappy commentary, clearly a fascinating commentator pool and an unknown agenda/controllers (ABC MEdia? Whozzzat?).

So far, I'm happy to take 2 of 3.

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:36 | 6135227 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

in defense of ZH on the matter of China

the situation is bipolar

yes, China is building up an option based on gold. You sport an "End The FED" avatar. Realize that there are foreigners that think the same about it

yes, China is having a completely messed up financial system which might crash, and give lots of headaches

yes, China is rising economically. Based on partnerships with... the West

yes, China is rising militarily. And yet the US still spends half of the military budget of the planet

truths are like trees, if you look too closely at them you might miss the forest of the context... which is full of possible outcomes

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:38 | 6135232 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

on a long enough timeline, all major world powers are bi-polar. Look, a collapse of unsustainables is inevitable and probably nigh, certainly overdue.

But lets look at the RUBBLE, and what can come out of it. China has manufacturing monster and shiny new infrastructure. America has mothballs and stress fractures.

So its not inconsistent in the context of a bubble to be talking china both up and down. Its the potential for REBOUND that justifies Tylers bearish U.S. and bullish China stance

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:45 | 6135104 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

that one is easy. he is a real leader and a real man. when was the last time the usa had one of those?

i don't care for any gov-types, but as they go, he seems more authentic than most, from what little i know of him. or maybe he just has good PR

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:06 | 6135123 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

@ TIS:

The financial news is one thing - anyone with a decent brain can wade through that. The remaining assemblage of arbitrary doomporn and fearporn 'facts' are in a realm playing on your emotions, and it's up to the reader to not get influenced erroneously. Bipolarity and spin angles from authors like Bill Bonner... just learn to take everything with a pound of salt.

@ stacking:

Alls I know is that he is a 'leader', and you don't get there but being a nice homie to everyone around. Maybe Russia is a very special case, and their 'leader' is a real swell guy, but I see a couple of hundred other countries with 'leaders' just like him, and they're selfish, psychopathic dicks who will sell their mothers for a better deal. Somehow there being only one awesome good guy named Pootin doesn't make sense to me.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:29 | 6135152 Titus
Titus's picture

Putin has taken steps to revitalize Russia and it's apparent at the commoner's level (i.e. public works). This is the big difference between Putin and the USA prezes, they do everything they can to destroy public works and common assets. Putin clearly isn't an awesomly good guy, but he's making moves which seem loyal to the Russian nation (clearly not equally distributed across the board, but positive for the country none-the-less), not the Zionists.

But hey, the grass is always greener... It just seems like we got a series of big turds on the white house lawn, not that it matters...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:43 | 6135166 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

You and I really won't know, until we are the Russian commoner trying to avoid potholes in the daily commute and fighting inflation in a gajillion ways.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:47 | 6135239 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

I think where ur wrong Skate-B, which u rarely are, is that Putin, while a ruthless motherfucker, actually CARES about russia, its future, its security and its prosperity. 

Now, i think nationalism and patriotism are one of the lower forms of intelligence, as they enslave people to identity-trap psychology. But having said that, it is refreshing to look over the pond and see a leader who is not only looking out for his own individual aggrandizement and wealth

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 05:42 | 6135324 GoldSilverBitcoinBug
GoldSilverBitcoinBug's picture

Now, i think nationalism and patriotism are one of the lower forms of intelligence, as they enslave people to identity-trap psychology.

 

No, globalism, melting-pot and multi-culti is just falling upon our eyes.

Each countries have their own indigenous population, tradition, religion and a large majority of peoples live among themselves and defend their homeland...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:15 | 6135365 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

and it is precisely those people who suffer because of their inability to adapt to change - because their 'identity' prevents them from change

I'm not talking about an inability to adapt to the NWO, im talking about an inability to RESIST it contemporaneously

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:26 | 6135373 GoldSilverBitcoinBug
GoldSilverBitcoinBug's picture

Change for what ? To get destroyed by globalism ?

Peoples don't need to change their culture to make trades and stuff each other, that's an NWO fallacy.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 11:27 | 6136335 Titus
Titus's picture

Actually I would and do know.

You should see Gorky park in the summertime now. It's so full it's almost impossible to ride a bicycle through. Think central park with the foot traffic of 5th ave.

The police are becoming less corrupt too, one of my friends in Moscow is angry because a traffic cop refused to take a bribe last year. He still talks about it when he's drinking. Baby steps...

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 17:22 | 6137794 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

@Skateboarder

yes i agree with you of course, i don't care for any gov types as i said, would love to see all gov go away.

but relatively speaking, putin does seem to be more straightforward, less deceitful, more to the point than the ussa's illustrious obama.

both bush and obama have made me thoroughly embarrased to be an american, or to be associated with this country, when you consider both the 'leader' and also the actions of the nation on the world stage.

if i lived in a country with a leader like putin, and the restraint that russia has shown on the world stage despite constant provocation from washington, i might actually feel a little bit of national pride, as much as i hate to admit that.

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 02:42 | 6135164 Tek Kinkreet
Tek Kinkreet's picture

Commenters spell better too.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:41 | 6135102 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

i don't claim to know what the future holds.

but what i do know is, life in the usa is getting harder and harder every year (unless you're in the 1%), while the standard of living in china is increasing.

the usa is an entitled, selfish, corrupt, arrogant, indulgent, complacent country...the usa has had its time in the sun, and its sun is setting.

while china and russia of course have many issues as well, on the whole it seems their star is rising - it seems that all they have to do is have patience and avoid uneccessary confrontation with the us. time is on their side.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:46 | 6135106 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

China & Russia's stars are rising?

Really?

China has one of the sickest economies in the world now, developed or emerging, and its collapsing at a freefall rate.

Russia is literally going the way of insular state with what was their nascent middle class being wiped out by their oligarchy capture.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:42 | 6135236 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

TIS, you are forgetting one of the biggest problems in the US, so I feel todays diatribe is a little blinkered.

DEMOGRAPHIC CRASH IN THE DEVELOPED WEST!

FUCK all you want, you are simply not making enough babies, and those that you are making are headed for sheeplehood for the most part.

Unless the mad scientists figure out how to drastically reduce gestation time, the west if fucked.

And by poisoning the east's mind, body and spirit through hollywood and really bad food (McD etc.), they are trying to do the same here.

So you're demographically fucked. China and India are not. Yet anyways.

And unlike TOUGH, battle and life hardeded russkis, the American herd is precisely that, to be herded over a cliff...they will fall over on thier sofas, drowning in cheetos and cheap beer...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 08:18 | 6135555 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

actually, it's the exact opposite of what you say... especially in the case of the US, where this is one area where "open" borders are an advantage... this was reported on recently, I leave the lookup as an exercise to the reader...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:50 | 6135241 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

yes, really.

china is building out infrastructure like crazy, china is building the next silk road, building out roads trains, and port facilities in the country and internationally, in brazil, in africa, building the next central american canal in nicaragua, etc, etc. they are also backing up their currency accumulating tons of gold.

america, meanwhile, has infrastructure that is crumbling and falling away, it is neglected and the bankrupt government cannot afford to do anything and doesn't care. and it is divesting itself of its gold reserves (some reports say all of usa's gold has already been sold off), america is broke, it has no future. as paul craig roberts (asst sec of treasury under reagan) wrote: "People as uninformed and as gullible as Americans have no future. Americans are a dead people that history is about to run over."

as i said, i don't know the future, neither of us does, but i have more hope for the BRICS prospering and providing a future filled with opportunity for its citizens, than i do for america, sadly.

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 06:28 | 6135337 GoldSilverBitcoinBug
GoldSilverBitcoinBug's picture

If you want to become rich, then build roads and ports (Chinese proverb).

Now to all Chinese basher: China may have a real estate bubble that will explode, but the potential to rebound and restart from a sane ground is here unlike USSA who is devolving day after day.

So in the long term Bullish China, also don't underestimate the Asian mind to rebound and never give up.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:15 | 6134991 Fedaykinx
Fedaykinx's picture

sad but true

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 04:20 | 6135262 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

No doubt you are referring to articles such as this: http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-05-26/chinas-third-bond-default-immin...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 07:22 | 6135433 Nexus789
Nexus789's picture

This new reality must be disturbing for you.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:59 | 6134802 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Which begs the question about smart, self driving cars.  What if one feels he needs to mow down a crowd of, say, ISIS thugs, but the 'safety option' prevents it?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:02 | 6134817 813kml
813kml's picture

Imagine the carnage if they let a female computer drive.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:07 | 6134828 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Right.  When I said "ISIS thugs", I meant "a meeting of the Women's Temperance Union."

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:36 | 6134904 813kml
813kml's picture

Is there really any difference?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:07 | 6134830 Timmay
Timmay's picture

I logged in just to up-vote you.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:09 | 6134834 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Agree, female computers should stay in the bedroom.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:34 | 6134903 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

only when they're not in the kitchen

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:44 | 6134925 r3ct1f13r
r3ct1f13r's picture

This

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:30 | 6134852 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture
Would it be something like this? www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEEWWTV8Xbg
 
Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:14 | 6134845 wisefool
wisefool's picture

I always wondered how 18 year old ISIS jihadists have access to 2015 toyotas with machine guns on the back. 'round here 18 year olds pretty much ( peaceably) fight for a job to flip burgers at McDonalds.

That safety switch might be be an important invention for humanity vs. the robots.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:29 | 6134885 813kml
Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:02 | 6134960 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Could have been worse.  She might have been joining the IDF.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:10 | 6134984 wisefool
wisefool's picture

yeah we don't live as close to the printing press as the people in that video do, but thanks for reminding me of this one.

Sump'n Claus - Saturday Night Live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWnP2jO06gc


Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:19 | 6134859 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

What if one feels he needs to mow down a crowd of, say, ISIS thugs, but the 'safety option' prevents it?

Menu -> Options -> DrivingMode -> Auto Modown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZxjGiOnb1I

"Auto modown, down in Youngstown, bodies in the street..."

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:51 | 6135110 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Reading the newspaper articles...one young woman began work as a stevedore because of the huge pay...$4.50 an hour.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:04 | 6134824 jez
jez's picture

There are few better sights on this sorry planet than a self-crashing car ploughing or plowing into a group of journalists. If only it could happen every day.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:17 | 6134694 JLM
JLM's picture

Call Saul!

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:17 | 6134696 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

zero-hedge beginning to look/sound more and more like the onion ...

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:25 | 6134718 Matt
Matt's picture

It must be hard, working for a satire site, trying to write stories that are absurd and unbeliveable, in this day and age where anything can happen.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:36 | 6134748 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You're reduced to front-running the inevitable, if you happen to notice it time.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:17 | 6134699 Osmium
Osmium's picture

Awesome.  Where can we get more of these cars.  Will they plough into eCONomists too?

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:52 | 6135112 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Fuck that...let's make them Wash DC taxis!!

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:20 | 6134702 CHC
CHC's picture

HaHaHa you have to PAY extra to NOT hit pedestrians!  Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:36 | 6134751 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Why pay extra for the liability?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:40 | 6134909 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

But it will take a picture of the victim and automatically upload it to Facebook so you can keep score.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:04 | 6134822 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Cup holders are still standard in the base model though, so at least we got that going for us.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:21 | 6134703 agstacks
agstacks's picture

Not the best reflexes there pink shirt guy.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:03 | 6134818 Creepy Lurker
Creepy Lurker's picture

IKR? Those two just stood there and videoed the damn thing running them over. Best comedy I've seen in awhile.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:30 | 6134889 stewie
stewie's picture

LOL, fuck this is funy.  Deer & headlight...

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:08 | 6134981 americanreality
americanreality's picture

The whole thread is comedy.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:22 | 6134704 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Volvo has a history with automation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eChAKm1t3U

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:20 | 6134705 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

The car is apparently smarter than humans.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:55 | 6134803 813kml
813kml's picture

Cars have been smarter than Americans for years...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo8Qls0HnWo

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:21 | 6134709 holmes
holmes's picture

ploughs?

plows?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:27 | 6134726 Osmium
Osmium's picture

Ya, I had to check too.

 

Plough vs. plow

In American and Canadian English, plow is the preferred spelling of the farm implement and its related verbs. Plough is the preferred spelling in the main varieties of English from outside North America.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:22 | 6134710 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Hal: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:27 | 6134878 Stanley Kubrick
Stanley Kubrick's picture

Operative word:  LANGLEY.

Think about it.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:11 | 6134985 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

Dave: Stop before you hit those pedestrians, HAL.

HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Dave: What's the problem?

HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:22 | 6134711 Cityzerosix
Cityzerosix's picture

How do you insure yourself if your not driving your self-driven car? And where would it want to go on its own?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:28 | 6134714 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Volvo XC60 comes fully equipped with front impact bodybags.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:39 | 6134756 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Cow catchers.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:06 | 6134827 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

Cow catchers.

Highly recommended in Wal-Mart parking lots.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:34 | 6134876 813kml
813kml's picture

A Texas Walmart's sales declined dramatically after it mistakenly painted cattle guards in front of the doors.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:31 | 6134893 STP
STP's picture

Or at any one of those 'all you can eat' buffets, because when those fat people are hungry, you don't want to be in the way!

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:25 | 6134717 OC Sure
OC Sure's picture

I didn't know cars had a self.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:26 | 6134723 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Volvo CEO: "Hey; for the record, that journalist survived!"

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:01 | 6134815 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Lucky for that journalist it was a Volvo...everyone knows they're the safest cars.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:27 | 6134731 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Volvo XC60, Star of the new movie: "Death Race 2015"

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:22 | 6135087 Johnny Websters
Johnny Websters's picture

And Terminator 6

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:32 | 6134740 heisenberg991
heisenberg991's picture

This will not work while trying to drive or park during peak hours in NY City.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:52 | 6134792 WTFUD
WTFUD's picture

Might be useful in the Kingdom of Saudomy in getting from one end of the Palace t'other.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:37 | 6134754 suteibu
suteibu's picture

We obviously need many more of those cars.  Let 'em loose in DC, Wall Street, Hollywood and wherever journalists congregate to get their latest government press release...er...news.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:39 | 6134757 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Holy shit that was awesome!  Nice to break up the news of the build up to WWIII, nuclear and financial armageddon with a good laugh.  Now he should get his gimpy ass up and go track down the Rothchilds and Rockefellers and the rest of the satanists and find out what they hell they are about to do to all of us, that would be journalism.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:19 | 6134774 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Scene looks like an analogy of the consequences of monetary policy.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:50 | 6134781 WTFUD
WTFUD's picture

Aah ha the hurly burly world of Ad-On's until true price reflection is deemed excessive.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:52 | 6134790 Grumbleduke
Grumbleduke's picture

If somehow these driverless cars reach perfection, what are the cities and police departments going to do to generate revenue? No more tickets - the horror!

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:56 | 6134793 Bennie Noakes
Bennie Noakes's picture

And be sure to also purchase the anti-self immolation option.

But the one feature every self-driving car must have is a deep metallic voice that says "By your command." whenever you set the destination or activate any other feature. That and a set of red LED's on the front that scan back and forth to indicate that the car is under automatic control.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 22:59 | 6134806 Youri Carma
Youri Carma's picture
Google self-driving car was involved in eleven crashes says Google
https://medium.com/backchannel/the-view-from-the-front-seat-of-the-googl...
Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:03 | 6134819 RyeWhiskey
RyeWhiskey's picture

Once you are in a "self"-driving car, your destination is likely remotely controlled. Just ask that.... never mind.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:10 | 6134836 Lead Balloon
Lead Balloon's picture

Do they have a model for lawyers, too?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:13 | 6134839 Dragon HAwk
Dragon HAwk's picture

wait till they have self driving trucks, and some moron stands in front of the truck while 10 of his buddies, pop the lock on the back doors, to loot the thing  I bet the software gets an Upgrade then..

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:19 | 6134997 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Look at how many states where 'truck driver' is the most common occupation......  It's one of the few jobs they haven't been able to ship overseas (despite attempts to have Mexican trucks and drivers run rampant over North America) OR automate so far......   But you KNOW execs are salivating at the prospect of eliminating humans in those jobs.....

Just wait until they start to try and replace all those people with self driving trucks......   those same states are also big gun owning locales.    Once you have a few 'self-driving trucks' careening all over the interstate after mysterious blown tires, THAT trend will be dead on arrival.

The Luddites HAD a point.  Village centered life focused on the home was replaced by factories employing women and kids (cheaper than men) in cities with a hundred years of decreasing life expectancy, increased alcoholism and the whole Dickens dystopia.   A few people got wealthy while millions suffered.   We're seeing the same thing today on a vastly larger scale with 'free trade' and increasing automation.  The workers get NONE of the gains in productivity and orofits - and indeed see declining wags and unemploymwent whiel a few get richer.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 03:47 | 6135221 Rastech
Rastech's picture

@cynicalskeptic


A Market relies on people being able to trade with each other (or not). That is, the fundamental principle called freedom of contract (where the ability to say No is at least as important as the ability to say Yes).

The problem has now become, what Market are they going to be able to sell any product into, just who will be able to be contracted with, that it will be worth moving stuff with ANY trucks, whether driverless or not? The introduction of automation has taken the most worst option (yes there were choices available). Labour rates the World over are an irrelevance with automation, you don't save money by offshoring jobs, you put up expenses by increasing delivery costs, because it is impossible for labour to compete with automatics - even if you pay the guy with an oil can $1,000 an hour, how many automatics can he look after with that oil can?

With automatics spitting out product at an incredible rate, the labour content can be considered to be pretty much zero. Injection moulding is dirt cheap (once you have the dies, and they aren't that expensive), sintered alloys are cheap, so it costs the square root of sweet FA to make stuff any more. Heck the automation kit itself isn't even expensive any more. I live very rural, and a friend (I used to buy stuff off his dad) has a few CNC's, plus other kit, and he makes his own injection moulding dies. None of it was expensive (most bought very cheap secondhand, or made with the cheap stuff they bought in). His brother has all manner of gear as well, and both of them can program anything to make anything. There's a few more like them in the area too.

Rather than embracing automation for its liberating effects, and accepting that an automated Society will naturally decline in numbers in the process (what was and is happening) to a new stable level, the 'idiots in charge' are so addicted to their scams and Ponzi Schemes, they are panicking about population drop (the opposite of what they are actually saying), because when the participants in the Ponzi decreases, it COLLAPSES! That's why they are flooding civilised Countries with uncivilized barbarians, to keep the Ponzi going.

Without those extra numbers, our standard of living and quality of life would start increasing dramatically, if we just put the means of production local. We might get this anyway with 3D Printing. Why buy a car from Volvo, when everything you want is available in walking distance in your village, and if you want a 'Ferrari' for fun days and sun days, you can just get on the production list of the little workshop a few doors down the street? Once the blueprints are generally available, why does so much stuff have to be made in big factories, which are then reliant on limited life products to be able to keep demand at a high enough level?

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 05:58 | 6135347 GoldSilverBitcoinBug
GoldSilverBitcoinBug's picture

Metal 3D printer will be the killer app, conceive, engineer any things you want while being cheap compared to a manufactured process.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:28 | 6134882 adr
adr's picture

The media is making a big deal out of Uber essentially buying and poaching the Carnegie Mellon self driving car robotics lab. Of course the grad students took the Uber stock they were offered, they known the self driving car is a pipe dream. May as well get rich off the Uber IPO.

Carnegie Mellon has been working on self driving cars for twenty years. There were driverless cars wandering around campus since 1997. After twenty years of research and prototyping they still aren't any closer to getting them certified for real world use. The problem is the cars can't make hard decisions, the ones that really matter. Like when you must hit an obstacle to prevent a more serious accident.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:35 | 6134901 mijev
mijev's picture

Designed by Sweden's finest engineers. Built by state of the art robots. Programmed by Asians.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:39 | 6134912 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

measure with a micrometer, mark with chalk, cut with an axe

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:05 | 6134970 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

Axe? What's wrong with a weedwhacker?

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 01:36 | 6135098 napper
napper's picture

only a few micrometers  into the journalists. what's the big deal?

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:42 | 6134920 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

volvo's have become self-aware.

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:44 | 6134926 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

I want a self driving car so I can go out and get totally trashed and make it home safely. 

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:49 | 6134937 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Uh-oh.  Once that car has a taste for blood...who knows what could happen...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O08w8CegEeg

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:54 | 6134944 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Silly question, but if a car can detect other cars and pedestrians why can't it detect an entire city and automatically switch to safe mode so it won't mow down Grandma?

 

Oh, the humanity.

 

Tue, 05/26/2015 - 23:59 | 6134951 joego1
joego1's picture

I had to pay extra to NOT  get the following self driving options;

1) Banker avoidance system

2) Hillary avoidance system

3) Politician avoidance system

Please feel free to add the systems that you had to pay to avoid.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:03 | 6134965 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

As we say in the software industry, "That's not a bug, it's a feature".

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:01 | 6134956 ch25061
ch25061's picture

From the Spanish, it is obvious this is a bullfight and el matador forgot to put his cape up.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:01 | 6134959 cherry picker
cherry picker's picture

The car is obviously guilty.  If it has a license to drive and it hits pedestrians, then it must be DUI, but it is a machine so it can't be, or negligent.

Can you take a car to court for reckless driving or throw one in jail or can the cops open fire on defenseless black cars and kill them?

This is opening up a whole new chapter in jurisprudence. :)

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:06 | 6134973 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

yeah and cops shoot defenseless black cars 54% more than other automatic cars,

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:27 | 6135015 northern vigor
northern vigor's picture

You just described episode 3 of "My Mother the Car" before it was cancelled and threw Jerry Van Dyck out of work.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:13 | 6134989 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

$50,000 question: which party is liable: Volvo or the driver?

That will be the question that lawyers will wrestle with in this new paradigm.

No way people will sign up to buy a self driving car, only to be exposed to massive lawsuits in the case of an accident.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:20 | 6135003 northern vigor
northern vigor's picture

Cars don't kill people..people kill peop...er, um maybe cars do kill people?

 

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:27 | 6135016 mijev
mijev's picture

Every time I see the brand, my first thought is Vulva. Those journalists are probably thinking the same thing.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 04:41 | 6135276 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Vulva...They look like a box after all.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:27 | 6135018 MrSteve
MrSteve's picture

Soccer moms are going to be conflicted by this incident.

Wed, 05/27/2015 - 00:31 | 6135021 yogibear
yogibear's picture

That will teach these idiots to stand in front of a car programmed in English and start speaking Spanish.

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