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How Jamie Dimon Became A Billionaire

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Two years ago, bank analyst Mike Mayo asked JPM chief Jamie Dimon a simple question: why should affluent customers not pick UBS over JPM due to a mismatch in capital ratios, to which Dimon's response was even simpler: "that's why I'm richer than you." To which we then added: "No logic, no rationale: all about the bottom line, which to Jamie at least is all that matters."

The bottom line was indeed all, because as Bloomberg calculated overnight, over the past several years, Jamie Dimon quietly became not just "richer than you", but "much" richer: his net worth is now well over $1 billion!

With JPMorgan shares near a record high, Dimon’s net worth is about $1.1 billion, according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index. Dimon’s fortune derives from a $485 million stake in New York-based JPMorgan, where he’s been chief executive officer since the end of 2005, and an investment portfolio seeded by proceeds from Citigroup stock sales.

 

Dimon owns 6.1 million shares of JPMorgan valued at about $404 million based on Tuesday’s closing price of $66.02. He also has 3.2 million exercisable options worth more than $80 million, according to company filings. The Bloomberg net-worth calculation excludes unexercisable options, some restricted shares and $4.1 million in contributions he has made to the James and Judith K. Dimon Foundation. It also assumes taxes are paid at the highest rate.

 

Real estate holdings include a Westchester home and Park Avenue apartments valued at $32 million. The estimate is based on the 2006 purchase price of the 30-acre property in Bedford Corners, New York, and the current market value of his primary Park Avenue residence.

 

Dimon’s wealth -- he was awarded $20 million in compensation for 2014 -- and his criticism of regulators and adversaries has made him a lightning rod for those decrying income inequality and the existence of too-big-to-fail banks. Even a Dimon family holiday greeting card featuring the father of three swinging a tennis racket in a well-appointed apartment was lambasted in Time magazine as “tone deaf.”

 

* * *

 

The odds are much, much lower for a bank CEO becoming a billionaire than a guy going to a hedge fund or private equity,” said Roy Smith, a professor at New York University Stern School of Business and a former Goldman Sachs Group Inc. partner who started on Wall Street in 1966. “The real lucre in this business has always been on the transactional side. The CEOs of Wall Street have to deal with litigation, regulation and the relatively short tenures you have at the top of the pile.”

However, the odds soared when JPM, like every other bank, got a multi-billion bailout courtesy of US taxpayers after it had taken on so much risk the entire system imploded. One wonders what Jamie's net worth would have been had Americans not collectively "decided" it is time to make Jamie the richest bank CEO currently to have a job.

The odds get even higher when instead of anyone doing any prison time for criminally rigging the FX market, JPM can get away with a shareholder funded fine, and just putting up the following disclaimer on its website.

 

But nothing could push the odds higher, than JPM officially manipulating, rigging, and fraudulently generating tens of billions in profits over the years, thesettlements and fines on which represent the highest IRR conceivable. Case in point courtesy of dividend.com:

Misleading CDO Investments

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $153.6 million
  • Settled on 6/21/2011
  • Case Details

The SEC settled with JP Morgan after it was discovered that the company misled investors on the complexity of a number of CDOs that were being offered. Specifically, the firm failed to notify investors that it had taken short positions in more than half of the assets bundled in said CDOs. The company did not admit to any wrongdoing or deny the allegations, but it agreed to pay $18.6 million in disgorgement, $2 million in prejudgment interest, and $133 million as a penalty. It was also required that the company change how it reviews and approves certain mortgage securities.

Anticompetitive Conduct in Municipal Bonds

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $228 million
  • Settled on 7/7/2011
  • Case Details

JP Morgan settled an anticompetitive case with the U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) in which it was forced to admit wrongdoing and knowledge of its illegal actions. “By entering into illegal agreements to rig bids on certain investment contracts, JPMorgan and its former executives deprived municipalities of the competitive process to which they were entitled” said Assistant Attorney General Christine Varney of the case. The charges stemmed from actions the company took from 2001 to 2006.

Foreclosure Abuses and “Robo-Signing”

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $5.29 billion
  • Settled on 2/9/2012
  • Case Details

This gargantuan settlement came as the DOJ fined the five largest mortgage servicers in the nation. The entire suit was for $25 billion and was centered around “robo-signing” affidavits in foreclosure proceedings, “deceptive practices in the offering of loan modifications; failures to offer non-foreclosure alternatives before foreclosing on borrowers with federally insured mortgages; and filing improper documentation in federal bankruptcy court.” All banks involved, including JP Morgan, have until 2/9/2015 to comply with the settlement [see also The Unofficial Dividend.com Guide to Being an Investor].

More Mortgage Misrepresentation

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $269.9 million
  • Settled on 11/16/2012
  • Case Details

Settled with the SEC, this case focused on JP Morgan misstating the delinquency status of mortgage loans that were collateral for residential mortgage-backed securities in which JP Morgan was the underwriter. It was found that investors lost $37 million on undisclosed delinquent loans. “Misrepresentations in connection with the creation and sale of mortgage securities contributed greatly to the tremendous losses suffered by investors once the U.S. housing market collapsed” said Robert Khuzami, Director of SEC’s Division of Enforcement.

Improper Foreclosures Pt. 2

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $1.8 billion
  • Settled in 01/2013
  • Case Details

Continuing from the 2/9/2012 fine, JP Morgan tacked on another $1.8 billion to its already massive fine of $5.29 billion, totaling just over $7 billion. Combined, it is the company’s largest fine ever up to that point. That record would not stand for long, as the latter half of 2013 had other plans for the financial blue chip.

Electricity Trading Scandal

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $410 million
  • Settled on 7/30/2013
  • Case Details

This fine was brought on by the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) as it was discovered that JP Morgan was manipulating energy markets in California and the Midwest. In total, $125 million of unjust profits were returned and $285 million came as a civil penalty to be sent back to the U.S. Treasury.

Illegal Credit Card Practices

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $389 million
  • Settled on 9/19/2013
  • Case Details

This fine was the result of JP Morgan deceiving customers into signing up for costly, unnecessary services when opening a new credit card. Broken down, $309 million of that figure was dedicated to repaying consumers, there was a $60 million civil penalty, and a separate $20 million penalty from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

The London Whale

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $920 million
  • Settled on 9/19/2013
  • Case Details

One of the most infamous cases over the last few years is the “London Whale,” which refers to two former JP Morgan traders who committed fraud to cover up massive losses (approximately $6 billion) in a trading portfolio. “JPMorgan failed to keep watch over its traders as they overvalued a very complex portfolio to hide massive losses” said George S. Canellos, Co-Director of the SEC’s Division of Enforcement. The SEC slapped JP Morgan with the fine and also forced the firm to admit to wrongdoing [see also High Dividend Portfolios].

The Fannie and Freddie Fines

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $5.1 billion
  • Settled on 10/25/2013
  • Case Details

The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) acted as a conservator for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in this settlement. The fine included a $4 billion charge to address infractions of both state and federal laws while another $1.1 billion went to Fannie and Freddie themselves – $670 million to the former and $480 million to the latter. Yet another case that was based on mortgage-related securities at its core, which is something of a theme for the company.

Institutional Mortgage Securities

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $4.5 billion
  • Settled on 11/15/2013
  • Case Details

No surprises here, yet another case where JP Morgan was accused of shelling out less-than-stable mortgages. This time, however, the focus was on 21 institutional investors as opposed to a mass of retail investors. The $4.5 billion settlement covers the losses incurred from instruments that were sold between 2005 and 2008. Shortly before this case settled, the company disclosed for the first time that it had $23 billion set aside for legal expenses and penalties.

The Big One: Misleading “Toxic Mortgages”

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $13 billion
  • Settled on 11/19/2013
  • Case Details

In the largest fine (of any single company) in corporate history, JP Morgan settled for $13 billion in November of 2013. The charges stemmed from misleading investors on what regulators dubbed “toxic mortgages.” The settlement also dictated that the company had to admit wrongdoing in that it knowingly misled investors on the quality of these securities. This has been one of the few times in recent memory that the company has actually offered a “mea culpa.” Of the $13 billion, $9 billion will be used to settle federal and state civil claims while $4 billion will be used as relief to aid consumers harmed by the unlawful practice.

Libor Rigging Scandal

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $108 million
  • Settled on 12/4/2013
  • Case Details

The alleged manipulation of the London Interbank Offered Rate (Libor) was one of the biggest European cases in recent memory. When the dust finally settled, it was found that a number of banks, including Citigroup (C ) and JP Morgan were involved. JP Morgan settled for $108 million as the investigation could not find any evidence that management had knowledge of the actions of the two traders who committed the act [see also The Ten Commandments of Dividend Investing].

Madoff Retribution

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $1.7 billion
  • Settled on 1/6/2014
  • Case Details

The Bernie Madoff ponzi scheme is one of the most infamous in the history of the investing world. After faking portfolio gains and eventually losing billions for his clients, Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison (after pleading guilty) and had to forfeit $17.179 billion. His scheduled release from Federal prison is on 11/14/2139. The high profile case cost JP Morgan $1.7 billion along with an onslaught of negative press.

Currency Manipulation

Quick Stats

  • JP Morgan fined $1.34 Billion
  • Settled on 11/21/2014
  • Case Details

JP Morgan joined the likes of UBS, Citigroup, and Royal Bank of Scotland in being fined for currency manipulation and collusion-like efforts on the part of the financial institutions. Investigations revealed instant messages between traders of the institutions showing plans to buy and sell currencies after market close in order to manipulate foreign exchanges in their favor. JP Morgan was fined $996 million by U.S. and U.K. regulators along with an additional $350 million dollar fine from the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC).

And so on...

And so on...

And so on...

* * *

To summarize: enjoy your billion in paper wealth Jamie, just make sure you have the upcoming bailout of both JPM and your personal net worth all wrapped up, or else not all the offshore bank accounts and gold vaults in the world will protect your "legally" accumulated wealth.

 

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Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:21 | 6158918 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

Chosenite.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:26 | 6158939 Money Boo Boo
Money Boo Boo's picture

American Cock-roach

 

hard to kill, multiplies at will, reptilian in skill and forever haunts the earth

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:27 | 6158951 Dumgoy
Dumgoy's picture

American-Israeli cockaroach.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:30 | 6158959 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Aren't stats like these the obvious proof that fiat money is completely disconnected from reality?  His net worth obviously has nothing to do with honorable business conduct.  Logic would then dictate that banking is entirely corrupt.  And it is.

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:31 | 6158968 imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

Sadly, he is probably proud of that list of crimes.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:37 | 6158979 BrocilyBeef
BrocilyBeef's picture

Crime pays (and owning the government, too!)

I'd proudly hang a picture of him hanging.

Let's make it a short drop, too. Don't want to break Jamie's spine.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:40 | 6158992 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Agree.  Scores of elites guillotined in the French Revolution that deserved it much less than Jamie Dimon does.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:51 | 6159032 BrocilyBeef
BrocilyBeef's picture

Jamie "The Corpse" Dimon hanging from the gallows would of course be a very kind and merciful way to but this man down. 

Does he deserve mercy? I believe so. His soul will be judged. Unless of course he repents before he dies. Zinger!!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:06 | 6159069 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Why not compare how much it cost USG to bailout JPM to the fines levied against JPM??

 

Government is the biggest scam of all.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:24 | 6159137 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Dimon shoould be in a jail cell next to Jon Corzine, Ken Lewis, Angelo Mozillo & Kerry Killinger (mong others).  All tese crooks ought to have all their asssts stripped and redistributed to people they fucked.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:45 | 6159222 knukles
knukles's picture

It don't justify anythng, but it's easier to understand somebody like Dimon becoming a billionaire that a congressman or senator becoming a millionaire.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:16 | 6159355 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Yup, Jamie is smarter than the politicians...he said so!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:28 | 6159161 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

The headline is of course rhetorical... He became a billionaire through the art and practise of supreme douchbaggery..

Do...do.doo.dooochbaggery....

The bankers think they've figured a perpetual motion pump. Genetic defect has killed their sense of smell and shit is piling up all around them.

In case you missed it...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lk1TSBW_368

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:52 | 6159256 Dubaibanker
Dubaibanker's picture

In the satanist America, billionaires are being created by robbing the poor hard working citizens.

Imagine, JPM let criminal NINJA loans flourish under the capable watch of Jamie Dimon, then those loans were sold worldwide to investors. Both lost their money. THAT money ended up with SOMEONE. That SOMEONE was JP Morgan.

When JPM started failing much like every other bank in America, they begged the US Govt who handed them over a third pot of money.

So, if you are following here...first JPM robbed the poor and handed them money which they could not afford (and earned interest). Borrowers went bankrupt and that money was sent by poor people (their down payment and all assets until bankrupt) to the bank and their houses were taken over on top, under foreclosure. All this money came to the bank.

Then, JPM sold those loans neatly packaged as bonds or notes and received more money from investors, thus their risk was zero. Loan given to borrower was now sold to someone else.

JPM got a house in foreclosure, interest income and sold the loan to other investors. So JPM never carried any risk.

When some of the counterparties went bust and most borrowers too, JPM went to the Govt and asked for a bail out and QE and what not....this way they received more money just because the loans were of the magnitude of trillions while they did even have billions in deposits. This leveraging was done in order to earn as much interest income as possible and ocntinues to this day.

Where is the innovation or reason to pay incentives to ANYONE? least of all, their CEO. He should look in the mirror and commit suicide if he has any conscience! Shameful! Forget God...he will one day pay to us all before he leaves this planet.

4 million and more went homeless because of him and his cronies, and he turns into a billionaire. No wonder all these guys need police protection!

After receiving 3 times the money that they lent out, of course, any crook would become a billionaire.

Top 100 bankers in every bank should be hanged! No judge, no jury, just hang 'em all! All are criminals and have looted us all while manipulating Libor, FX, gold, everything.

If billionaires had any conscience they would go back to basics instead of accumulating money solely for themselves like Icahn or Buffett or whoever else....They need to immediately start doing business in a socially responsible way to create employment and not just profits for themselves by firing as many people as possible and making a company 'lean' and 'profitable'.

How much money does a person and his family need...100 million? 1 billion? 10 billion? But then they still die....and most billionaires are not much loved (most are hated) after their death or when alive. So what use is this money?

I hear guillitones will be in high demand from 2020 onwards! I suggest placing one at the entrance and one at the back door of every HQ ....

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:54 | 6159045 Tom Servo
Tom Servo's picture

Doesn't this fuckweasel have throat or lymph node cancer?  Did he drink some infant blood to cure it ?

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:21 | 6159373 Ward cleaver
Ward cleaver's picture

Yes these r good crimes against the goyim but to be a TRUE chosenite need at least 4 lawsuits also

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:32 | 6158973 SMG
SMG's picture

You are dumb, Dumgoy. People like Jamie Dimon are controlled by Luciferian Globalists.  Just like the US and Israel.

They only abuse and steal from us because WE LET THEM.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:38 | 6158996 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

Cock sucking throat cancer cockroach.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:27 | 6159155 oddjob
oddjob's picture

Jamie the goo-gobbler.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:28 | 6158954 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Cocroaches have purpose and go about their business honestly.  Not this ass.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:07 | 6159084 BrocilyBeef
BrocilyBeef's picture

Well said.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:07 | 6159321 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

@nope-1004

You know I've been banging on the JPM drum since the day I got here over 5 years ago. In fact, I've been on these guys since 1998 when I met the GATA boys (Murphy and Powell) in Vancouver, BC at the Cambridge House Conferences. Been a long slog for sure.

These Wall Street outfits like the Morgue are the most crooked crime syndicates on the Earth, bar none. Thx to ZH for exposing these worthless fucks.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:25 | 6159145 KnuckleDragger-X
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

Pimp in chief at the worlds largest whorehouse is very profitable......

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:29 | 6158956 Captain Debtcrash
Captain Debtcrash's picture

Plenty of fraud of course.  But handing money to the rich and paying top dollar for their assets through QE is the main reason for increasing wealth inequality. Hear that Pickety, its not some inherent flaw in capitalism, r>g, it is an inherent flaw in our debt based monetary system requiring ZIRP, NIRP, QE and god knows what secret and future policies!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:32 | 6158971 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

bah. As if bankers with a different pedigree were different

btw, in reality, Dimon is a... "good" banker. He even cares about operational costs reductions, for example
The problem is not the bankers, the problem is what corrupts banks
which are two simple things: size and lack of simple but effective regulations
if those two aren't there, and you add monetary wars to the heap...

BREAK UP THE MEGABANKS. Too Big To Prosecute (seriously) is Too Big To Be Allowed To Exist

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:07 | 6159086 madbraz
madbraz's picture

"what corrupts banks"?

 

corrupt people corrupt banks!  

 

much like FIFA, there is no such thing as corrupt organizations.  there are organizations filled with corrupt people.

 

you are either corrupt or not corrupt.  there is no grey area.  it's a (lack of) character issue.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:26 | 6159150 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

I beg to differ and have an example to illuminate this: British ("Merchant") Banks before the so called "Big Bang"

they were small, and their shareholder/stakeholder often liable with everything they owned, leading to work in them supervising the younger whippersnappers, then their whole existence, financially, depended on the bank's good reputation and rentability. in short, They Could Fail, and worked hard to be sure they would not

corruption can be systemic. corruption can be a matter of organization. most honest people that get into a corrupt organization either find out that they have to leave it or get often caught into the pitfalls of trying to do something against it

we simply have too many bankers that are corrupt to attribute that to personal misgivings, even with a cultural background of "whatever it takes" or "if you are not cheating, you are not trying", and even with very dubious recruiting systems

a young employee is still a young employee. I know the young don't like to hear such things, but character is something that builds up. the young are corruptible, more then honest older people. and if they get managers that are only interested in the bottom line, and have bonuses that depend on not looking out for criminal intent... well, that's a recipy for what we have

the issue is still "Too Big". and banks are not normal enterprises, they are privileged enterprises, with the immense public power of creating credit. as such, they have to get regulation, and they did get simple and sensible regulation around the 30's of the last century. until some idiots got high on their own koolaid ideological propaganda and got them scrapped in 1999

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:12 | 6159344 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Bullshit. You're way behind the curve on this Ghordo.

Solutions? We need people swinging from ropes now. Reform is impossible with pyschopaths like Dimon in charge because the politicians are owned by him.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:29 | 6159396 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Most of the regulation is laughably impotent and unnecessary.  Further, your premise is fundamentally inconsistent: on the one hand, you advocate for allowing shitty businesses to fail, but on the other hand you demand regulation.  Allowing businesses to fail needs no regulation...  rather, it was those who were determined to "regulate" the matter that paved the way for the bailouts, which dramatically accelerated the wealth gap/chipping away at any stability the system had left.

Also, self interest guides every conscious human act.  It isn't the institutions...  Every single institution becomes corrupt to the extent that it can be.  This is the nature of man.  To claim that our ancestors were somehow less prone to acting in self interest is obnoxiously absurd.  This is their legacy as much as it is ours.

Do you really think that the financial system wouldn't have crashed if we just kept the old regulation in place?  It created sound financial institutions that could have weathered any storm?  We wouldn't have dared to bail them out?  Naivety.

Thu, 06/04/2015 - 03:40 | 6162114 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

I do understand that there is a widespread distaste for regulation, since the recent regulative "efforts" were idiotic

I'm talking specifically of the kind of regulation that existed. Glass-Steagall, for example, short and effective for some 60-70 years

Thu, 06/04/2015 - 09:07 | 6162492 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

I think this is probably correlation and not causation.  You can make a case that things were not as bad previously, but I believe any acceleration in things isn't a regulatory issue so much as exponential effect of compounding finally hitting its stride.  During the entire time of "good" regulation, there was a bed being made.  I would hope that most of the doomers on this site could agree that the system has persisted much longer than they anticipated.  It wasn't born in a day, and it won't disintegrate in a day either.

I also find it fairly peculiar that despite all that great regulation, the turnover of the monetary system has occurred with fairly routine frequency, albeit very much delayed due to an ungodly amount of governmental intervention.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:27 | 6159387 Ward cleaver
Ward cleaver's picture

Operational cost reductions ? Douchebag that simply means firing a bunch of a $50K employees. R u even familiar with banking terminology?

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:43 | 6158972 remain calm
remain calm's picture

When the world realizes that the whole economy is a fraud, and when average people realize that greedy and corrupt people like Jamie Dimon and Bernanke knew what they were doing was immoral and illegal. They will be killed. They think they will be able to hide with all the other 0.01%, but they will be found and justice is justice and they will get theirs. Enjoy your billions while your breathing because when the ponzi scheme comes to an end so will your exiistence. Enjoy.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:06 | 6159316 SMG
SMG's picture

I hope you're right, but I think they plan keeping us ooccupied with WWIII to save their skins.  There is nothing these people won't do to save themselves.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:32 | 6159409 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Not remotely...  I think most people intuitively understand who is to blame...  if you confirm their expectations, then it will not materially affect their relevant acts.  However, once people start getting hungry, then all bets are off.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:45 | 6159011 joseJimenez
joseJimenez's picture

No!  He is a vile subhuman thing. He does not deserve the air he breath.  Or simply a A smarmy, money grubbing yid. Oh wait! never mind

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:00 | 6159063 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Why so many words? It's really very simple - He's a thief.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:59 | 6159553 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:35 | 6159759 jakesdad
jakesdad's picture

few yrs ago Matt Tiabbi held a Haiku contest for Jamie Dimon's train wreck twitter fiasco.  while it didn't win my entry was:

 

surveying empire

for no more markets to rig

jamie dimon wept...

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:22 | 6158919 Wolferl
Wolferl's picture

He has cancer. There is some kind of justice in the world.

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:22 | 6158922 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

If it's not ass cancer then the world isn't just enough.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:24 | 6158936 madbraz
madbraz's picture

poor cancer.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:45 | 6159220 Fun Facts
Fun Facts's picture

He says he has cancer. Victim status.

Sociopaths like Dimon who are willing to lie, cheat, steal, murder have a built in unfair advantage.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:02 | 6159302 PrecipiceWatching
PrecipiceWatching's picture

"Sociopaths like Dimon who are willing to lie, cheat, steal, murder have a built in unfair advantage."

 

Hence a LARGE part of the reason for the WORLDLY "success" of the Jew.

 

None of that there Christian morality and Golden Rule to check their consciences.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:31 | 6159407 Ward cleaver
Ward cleaver's picture

Lol, remember a puff piece on this asshole years ago where he was quoted as telling his family not to get rid of ketchup bottle til all gone. Sure he's just like us

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:22 | 6158920 This is it
This is it's picture

That's all? Just 1billion in fiat toilet paper?

You're next to jump. Pick a building.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:22 | 6158921 FreeShitter
FreeShitter's picture

"I'm richer than you because I belong to the satanic tribe. That's all that needs to be said"

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:30 | 6158963 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Also: "I'm richer than you'se because I'm the King of the Welfare Queens."

Good article, now I think I'm going to spend the rest of the morning boiling rope.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:00 | 6159563 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:23 | 6158926 chunga
chunga's picture

And the Silk Road guy is in jail for life.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:50 | 6159031 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

He screwed up, forgot he wasn't a chosenite and didn't have dual Israeli citizenship.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:07 | 6159081 SMG
SMG's picture

So this is like what your 20th, 25th account? I don't know how you keep doing it.  I'd be sick of it by now.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:35 | 6159181 SERReal1
SERReal1's picture

This guy has done more harm to the world than Madoff ever did and he freely walks the streets. I guess Madoff wasn't high enough up on the chosenite food chain to avoid being sold old whereas Dimon is near the top. Disgusting.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:43 | 6158927 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

He's rich because he's doing SO much of God's work.  Crooking the guests and cooking the books. . .Master of the House, indeed!

"When it comes to fixing prices, there are lots of tricks I know. . .

How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!"

 

Time to get the National Razor working

 

-- anonymous sans culottes

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwHPzd2s_vg

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:28 | 6158935 SMG
SMG's picture

People like Jamie only steal from and abuse us, because WE LET THEM.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:24 | 6158937 q99x2
q99x2's picture

He's rich because he hasn't been arrested yet.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:19 | 6159662 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


.

 

Old Jamie's Marie Antoinette

Enslaving the people with debt

Our wealth he will take

While he let's us eat cake

And a similar fate I would bet

The Limerick King

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:25 | 6158940 all in capital
all in capital's picture

another man that's richer than me - the list is getting longer.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:25 | 6158941 saints51
saints51's picture

I really don't want to meet this satan worshipper.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:35 | 6158985 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

I do. 

I'm pretty sure I can cure his throat cancer with my new nailgun.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:26 | 6158942 Dumgoy
Dumgoy's picture

Jamie the Jew, kickin ass and takin names.  Nobody steals better!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:39 | 6159000 chunga
chunga's picture

His rap sheet would make blankfein, bernakke, greeanspan, etc. etc. proud, but dear jamie ain't from the tribe.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:57 | 6159052 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

My ass he isn't.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:25 | 6158943 Joe_in_Indiana
Joe_in_Indiana's picture

That's easy. The shareholders paid his fines PLUS he got a "get out of jail FREE" Card.


Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:39 | 6158998 Joe_in_Indiana
Joe_in_Indiana's picture

Totals paid by shareholders in this article are $35.2085 BILLION!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:25 | 6158945 yrad
yrad's picture

Overdraft here, overdraft there, and pretty soon you are talking about real money!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:30 | 6158964 Counterpunch
Counterpunch's picture

Dimon is Greek, eh?

Yeah, so is Rupert Murdoch, I hear, on Mama Greene's side.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:33 | 6158975 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0512/76304.html

Take it for what it's worth but it's clear Obama has been very friendly to the banking industry.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:36 | 6158987 venturen
venturen's picture

We must RESCUE the billionaires!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:37 | 6158990 Calculus99
Calculus99's picture

Never forget Meyer Lansky's remark when he was taken down to the NYSE floor by some brokers -

"I think I joined the wrong mob"

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:37 | 6158991 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

How does an employee of a bank which holds enough derivative to explode overnight have this sort of wealth?  Of course, he is one of the American Tribal members the most courrpt people on the planet hated in every country!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:39 | 6159002 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

That's great. More for taxpayer's when it's all clawbacked. 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:40 | 6159005 madbraz
madbraz's picture

looking at the 10 year and 30 year bond, in the past month (actually more like since February), every time yields get oversold on 1-minute charts (RSI 30, bonds overbought), they immediately reverse course and shoot up to being almost immediately overbought (for a quick gain by bond shorts).

 

is that an algo or the NY FED?

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:03 | 6159070 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Yes.

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:44 | 6159013 Chump
Chump's picture

Easy come, easy go.  May those 1s and 0s disappear quickly as he looks on, horrified and shaking.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:44 | 6159015 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

We know who the enemies are. He is not safe among the people? No, he knows he MUST travel with security as so many people hate him for his crimes. 

He is a criminal kingpin that is above the law. 

Law and order is ONLY for the serfs. 

Find a JP Morgan foreclosure. Cut off lock box, change locks, move in, file mortgage with your new LLC, get utilities put in new LLC name, move in tenent, collect rents. Cloud their title with mechanic liens for work done on your new home. Repeat....

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:58 | 6159060 Chump
Chump's picture

Color of title is a more powerful thing than people realize...

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:47 | 6159019 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

It pays to steal, don't it Jaime?

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:48 | 6159020 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Now that's a resume any criminal would be proud of.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:49 | 6159024 undercover brother
undercover brother's picture

This guy must be a made man because he's more teflon than anyone I've ever heard of.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:49 | 6159027 MEFOBILLS
MEFOBILLS's picture

Paleoanthropology: The evolutionary aims of a parasite:

http://erectuswalksamongst.us/Chap8.html

below is excerpt:

------------

Today, egalitarians promote “concept nations” – politically organized groups of mixtures of ethnies who supposedly share common values, e.g., democracy, Western standards of behavior and justice, etc. Concept nations can not be stable (i.e., long lasting), however, because the individuals within them can advance their own genetic interests more by helping individuals of their own ethny than by helping individuals of other ethnies, and that is exactly what they do, for the simple reason that those who do not do that will have less reproductive success and will eventually go extinct; favoring one’s own ethny can be avoided only if the nation comprises a single ethny, i.e., multiculturalism is not stable. Moreover, the more inbred (i.e., genetically related) people within the ethnies in a mixed ethny concept nation are, the more ethnocentric they will be and the more they will act to advance the interests of their own ethny vis-à-vis other ethnies.
    When ethnies are in the same territory, they will compete for resources and there will be ethnic conflicts, the severity of which will be roughly proportional to their ethnocentrism and the genetic distance between them.  A mutually beneficial relationship (“mutualism”) between ethnies living in the same territory is not stable because the carrying capacity of all territories is limited and each ethny either expands its own population or eventually goes extinct.  Only if ethnies live in different territories and meet only to trade are stable, mutually beneficial relationships between them possible, and that is the only stable relationship between ethnies.
    When ethnies live in the same territory, their relationship will not for long be a mutually beneficial one. Instead, one ethny will be a predator and the other its prey, or one ethny will be a parasite and the other its host. In both cases, the prey or host does not consent and therefore neither relationship is stable. In a predator-prey relationship, the predator ethny uses open violence against the prey ethny, e.g., colonialism, slavery, war, local gangs. In a parasite-host relationship, however, open violence by the parasitic ethny is not possible as the host ethny is more numerous and is militarily dominant.  Moreover, the host ethny regards the parasitic activities of the parasitic ethny as unfair, unethical, immoral, illegal, or criminal, making it necessary for the parasitic ethny to either (1) conceal its parasitism so that the host ethny is not aware that it is being parasitized or (2) incapacitate its host ethny  so that even though its host ethny is aware that it is being parasitized, it is unable to free itself. Both require controlling the media and the government - a “covert coup.” These tactics are major and expensive operations requiring years to put into place. They are therefore available only to a parasitic ethny that has access to a great deal of wealth. When the host ethny discovers that it is being parasitized, and it is able to free itself, the parasite-host relationship ends, perhaps not pleasantly for those in the parasitic ethny. Neither a predator-prey relationship nor a parasite-host relationship is likely to last indefinitely because conflict is inherent in both relationships. There are two possible resolutions of ethnic conflict over territory: (1) one ethny wins and destroys or expels the other or (2) the ethnies interbreed and become a single ethny. Expelling the parasitic ethny preserves the genetic uniqueness both ethnies; interbreeding destroys it. 
    Individuals within the parasitic ethny develop a set of values, even a religion, that justifies their parasitism, simply because those individuals who feel their behavior is their right and feel no remorse, shame, or guilt are more effective parasites and are therefore reproductively more successful. Individuals in the parasitic ethny are therefore selected for a lack of empathy, i.e., for sociopathy; such individuals differ genetically from everyone else in that their mirror neurons, which enable people to empathize with the feelings of others, are absent or turned off. The parasitic ethny will rather quickly achieve a high percentage of sociopaths, people who are charismatic, charming, and often well-liked, but whose only goal in life is winning, i.e., defeating those outside their ethny.  The parasitic ethny cannot become less virulent, as microbial parasites do, because they are too invested – genetically, socially, religiously, and culturally – in their parasitic lifestyle and less parasitic individuals within their ethny are selected against even by others in their own ethny, i.e., they do not rise to positions of influence within their ethny. Like all parasites, they are specialized and cannot easily become more generalized.  Host and parasite ethnies are on a collision course and neither can back down.

My addition:  Only with a Sovereign money system will “hosts” be able to take back control of their society and eject parasites.  Credit banking is a pyramid scheme, where usury centralizes to top of pyramid for parasitical usury funding and control.  Control of the press is especially important to a parasite.

 

www.sovereignmoney.eu

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:57 | 6159054 Counterpunch
Counterpunch's picture

Jesuits!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:51 | 6159035 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

He paid the fines.  Good for him. 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:52 | 6159037 mijev
mijev's picture

so I guess on wall street you're paid according to the size of that hideous heebie beak. Which in jamie's case sticks out of his ugly face like the Matterhorn. He runs/ruins a company that has to be fed a billion plus each day just to stay afloat. Obscene parody of a tragedy.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 10:59 | 6159062 gmak
gmak's picture

I'm not even going to read this.  The answer is obvious. You only get that filthy stinking rich in a short period of time by stealing it from someone else, including future generations.  Un point. C'est tout.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:05 | 6159074 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

Invested wisely, $1,000,000,000 might be enough to last a generation or two, might be. 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:18 | 6159087 Bobbo
Bobbo's picture

I didn't see economic genocide in there. 
Whazzamatta, don't that count too?! 

It ain't enough that Jamie's gotta win a lotta loot;
a lotta people gotta suffer miserably for it, too,
or else it's no fun "winning".

And it's like they say, teachin the MBA:

The goal is to make as much money as you can
(for the "owneres--haha)
without going to jail.

Yes!  They actually said that as preface to every class
in the MBA curriculum at a well known
Executive MBA program in fab silicone val,
where Apple sent its hot shots.
--from my own poisonal experience

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:14 | 6159098 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

So Dimon's real last name was Papademetriou until his immigrant grandfather changed to sound French? That explains a lot.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:15 | 6159100 semperfi
semperfi's picture

don't need to read this - we know how - BIG-TIME CRIME

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:17 | 6159103 Bobbo
Bobbo's picture

Those aren't fines, they are institutional bribes, a normal cost of doing business at the top.  Just like paying to use a toilet when you just have to.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:29 | 6159165 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

Just reading about the French Revolution.  According to Wikipedia, "among people who were condemned by the revolutionary tribunals, about 8% were aristocrats, 6% clergy, 14% middle class, and 72% were workers or peasants accused of hoarding, evading the draftdesertion, or rebellion".  When our next show starts, let's make sure it's the Dimons gettin' the rough treatment.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 19:25 | 6161115 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

The Executions of Benito Mussolini and Clara Petacci - YouTube

The song is 'Nessun Dorma', sung by Luciano Pavarotti.

 

Lyrics, - English Translation

Nobody shall sleep!...

Nobody shall sleep!

Even you, o Princess,

in your cold room,

watch the stars,

that tremble with love and with hope.

But my secret is hidden within me,

my name no one shall know...

No!...No!...

On your mouth I will tell it when the light shines.

And my kiss will dissolve the silence that makes you mine!...

(No one will know his name and we must, alas, die.)

Vanish, o night!

Set, stars! Set, stars!

At dawn, I will win! I will win! I will win!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vel-OeI_bgk

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:32 | 6159174 Latitude25
Latitude25's picture

So how many ounces of PMs does he own?

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:33 | 6159178 Fed-up with bei...
Fed-up with being Sick and Tired's picture

He's my favorite scum-bag.  I really like his "performances" in front of Congress when the hard questions are asked!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:46 | 6159224 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

Face it, JPM and Dimon are financial parasites.  The reason they are so successful is they are involved in areas where there are little to no regulations, such as derivatives, and in the few areas that are regulated, the regulators up to and including the DoJ have been captured.  Regardless of all the criminal wrongdoing by Dimon and his gang, they suffer no personal losses.  The palms are well-greased.  If anyone can find any difference between banking practices at this level and traditional organized crime please let me know.

 

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:50 | 6159245 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

One was primarily Jewish one was primarily Italian.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:49 | 6159238 SmallerGovNow2
SmallerGovNow2's picture

OT but...

DOD has officially declared this to be  Department of Defense Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month. 

While this is a distraction from all the bigger problems our Government faces with budgets, debts, and ever expanding size and scope of Government, it is just another signal that we are on the road to ruin.  When LGBT concerns can be shoved in our face but we can't utter the word "God" in a public forum then something is terribly wrong...

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:51 | 6159249 GRDguy
GRDguy's picture

Funny how "wealth" accumulates on a computer screen or paper printouts.  Just promises. Let's see who keeps their promises to Jamie.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:53 | 6159263 muleskinner
muleskinner's picture

Divide one billion by the price of gold, 1200.

1,000,000,000/1200=833,333

 

833,333 x 20=16,666,667 usd

 

Jesse Livermore was worth 230,000,000 dollars when the gold standard was in place.

Jamie is worth 1/15th of what Jesse had.

He is not rich, he just thinks he is.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:46 | 6159478 Everyone is lying
Everyone is lying's picture

Except that Jaime's bank (and a few others) have manipulated the price of gold to around $1200 an ounce when most open market calculations puts it at $10,000 - $30,000 an ounce.

 

So Jaime IS as fukking rich as he says he is.

 

He isn't a human being, however. 

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 11:54 | 6159266 Pemaquid
Pemaquid's picture

I can easily visualize Jamie and others of his ilk hanging from trees in Central Park.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:05 | 6159312 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

A sharply-polished pair of wingtips, gently swinging in the breeze.  A puddle of piss placed an exclamation point beneath the remains of Jamie Dimon's $5000 bespoke suit.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:01 | 6159293 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Is this a trick question? Jamie "The Dick" Dimon became wealthy the same way John Dillinger did. Dillinger, however, possessed a much higher degree of integrity.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:42 | 6159458 Everyone is lying
Everyone is lying's picture

Jaime Diamon = True Evil.  He would have fit in well in the NAZI upper command.

 

This fuuking cockroach needs a dirt nap.

 

Humanity demands it.

 

 

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 12:55 | 6159530 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Dick! Poster Child for Banker Scum.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:07 | 6159598 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

Jamie, there's some of this for you (and your wife,too).  Cheat the citizens at your own peril.  Plenty of billionaires in Hell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9AAnXo0F5c

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:11 | 6159618 Lugnut
Lugnut's picture

why should affluent customers not pick UBS over JPM due to a mismatch in capital ratios, to which Dimon's response was even simpler: "that's why I'm richer than you.

 

How is that even an answer?? Wheres the logic in that statement?

"Honey can you take out the trash?"

"Thats why I am richer than you!"

 


Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:45 | 6159806 halcyon
halcyon's picture

Where are the customers' yachts?

Repoed!

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 18:31 | 6160911 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

Where is Elliot Ness?

Unfortunately he has passed away, but right about now we could sure use a guy like him.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 13:53 | 6159854 farflungstar
farflungstar's picture

Worse damage people like this do to the US than any terrorist.

Financial terrorist, may he meet an untimely and messy death.

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 14:18 | 6159984 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Crime pays. Zion pays bigger.

Liberty is a demand. Tyranny is submission..

Wed, 06/03/2015 - 15:10 | 6160201 Rusputin
Rusputin's picture

We know why the rich become richer than us, it is debt-funded import-consumerism and general ponzi schemery.

Thu, 06/11/2015 - 13:08 | 6186864 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

Not quite.  An 'arranged' bail out did it for him, when he should be in the soup kitchen line. 

Thu, 06/11/2015 - 13:06 | 6186859 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

Fantastic in depth reporting on JPM and mr. Dimon.  Says it all, and why he should be among the first billionaires---- who should now be living under a box in Compton---a vigilante with some serious firepower targets for extinction.

 

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