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Fact Or Fiction: Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Following years of continued fighting and disorder in the troubled region, President Barack Obama revealed today that he has not ruled out taking immediate and decisive military action in the United States Congress.

Admitting that diplomatic outreach efforts in the area have so far proven unsuccessful, the president claimed that his administration is weighing the feasibility of committing combat troops to both the U.S. Senate and the House of Representatives in order to bring lasting peace and stability to the chaos-afflicted legislature.

“We have not yet made a decision as to how we are going to address this rapidly deteriorating situation, but at this point I can tell you that military action is indeed on the table,” Obama told reporters at a morning press conference, emphasizing that he is “deeply troubled” by the escalating hostilities and diminishing prospects for unity on the Congressional floor. “Clearly, sending our young men and women into this tumultuous war zone is not ideal, and I still hope to resolve the situation through peaceful means. But as the conflict continues to worsen, it becomes increasingly evident that the deployment of our armed forces may be our only real option.”

"We cannot stand idly by and allow this senseless mayhem to continue,” the president continued.

According to international observers, the United States Capitol ranks as among the most turbulent and unstable regions in the world, dominated by warring factions of rogue lawmakers who have shown neither the ability nor the willingness to peacefully resolve their differences.

As conditions worsen by the day, the president confirmed to reporters that he and his military advisors are currently evaluating the merits of a military option, suggesting that his administration has left open the possibility of toppling the hostile, unpredictable leadership currently reigning over the legislative assembly and restoring order to the Capitol building.

“Our efforts at resolving this conflict through conventional, non-military means have not only failed but seemingly emboldened extremists in the region,” said Obama, noting that while the United States does have some allies on the ground within the Senate, the administration has been almost completely cut off from the House for some time. “Right now there are millions of people who are hopelessly trapped under Congress’ corrupt rule, and it’s doubtful we’ll see any kind of progress in the area without either military intervention or a full-scale revolution, which is unlikely.”

While the White House continues to explore the use of armed forces in Congress, some military experts have expressed doubts as to the prospects of such an operation, saying that a full-scale invasion of the Capitol building represents a costly and uncertain venture that could hamstring the U.S. for the foreseeable future.

“We may have to accept the fact that the deep fissures afflicting Congress are, at present, unfixable, and that we’ll just have to wait the half-century or so it could take for the legislative body to achieve some kind of stability naturally from within,” said retired U.S. Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel Lawrence Harley, adding that the deep divisions affecting Congress may in fact be endemic to the entire Washington region. “We are seeing similar levels of chaos and infighting in the Supreme Court and in many of the smaller cities and towns where extremists loyal to members of Congress have gained significant ground. Are we really prepared to risk American lives for what could be a lost cause?”

“Besides, the majority of the American people are barely even aware of what’s going on over there,” Harley added.

 

Source: The Onion

 

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Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:56 | 6190926 pods
pods's picture

Hellfire missiles tear through the Onion HQ earlier today......................

 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:57 | 6190938 813kml
813kml's picture

Reichstag redux.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:13 | 6191002 knukles
knukles's picture

Instability:  Check out the GINI coefficient.  Not good, folks.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:33 | 6191087 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

So wait... the treasonous congressional Israeli-firster dual-citizens attacked by the treasonous Pentagon Israeli-firsters at the behest of the Israeli-firster administration?

That would be like a proxy Israeli civil war on U.S. soil. Obama would have to invoke the Sampson option.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:47 | 6191145 MonetaryApostate
MonetaryApostate's picture

You do realize that Obama is related to George Washington, don't you?

http://www.thedunhamhouse.com/

 

I can't say I'd be against a Military Coup, those porkers have sit long enough in the halls of power...

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:53 | 6191169 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Boris is now confuse with Russia translation of English... is US Military to storm Congress House?! Please where is video feed?! Please show! Maybe projectile is exit anterior of Pelosi skull...!?

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:00 | 6191195 813kml
Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:11 | 6191236 MonetaryApostate
MonetaryApostate's picture

There is a lot of talk about microwave space weapons, so I suspect anything is possible...

Maybe they plan on cooking congress? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbV75IPSwIA

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 22:38 | 6191199 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

Sorry, Boris. It would only be on Pay Per View cable at $99 for the feed.

I understand that if it DOES happen, the U.S. already has satellite imagery proving it was Putin.

How does he do that? Flintstone's Multi-vitamins? I bet he likes the 'Betty' ones best. I do!

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 18:38 | 6191705 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

More like he'd invoke the Sampsonite option and leave for Hawaii mansionville first.

Sat, 06/13/2015 - 02:55 | 6192638 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

As if Congress fucking represents the people. I wouldn't shed a tear for them...

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:29 | 6191076 ZH Snob
ZH Snob's picture

the Onion, Tyler?  Really?  These times are bizzare enough in reality.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 17:52 | 6191565 max2205
max2205's picture

Is Barry calling congress  JV? 

Sat, 06/13/2015 - 04:08 | 6192681 Kaervek
Kaervek's picture

If I wanted to read the Onion I would've read the Onion instead of browsing ZH. What the fuck?

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:56 | 6190932 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Once operation Jade Helm gets under way we will see just how close to real life the Onion's story becomes.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:49 | 6191152 MonetaryApostate
MonetaryApostate's picture

The only question is, what exactly are we headed for here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gy7FVXERKFE

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:03 | 6191206 Cynicles
Cynicles's picture

Shocked so many upvotes -an indication that many people know even the slightest about JH

Have not had time to review this one fully, worth a look tho:

Highly Suspicious: Saudi ‘Civil Defense’ Trucks On Texas Highway – Las Vegas Convoy Had Blackhawk Escort – Mysterious 2015 Wal Mart Evacuations

http://www.fromthetrenchesworldreport.com/highly-suspicious-saudi-civil-defense-trucks-on-texas-highway-las-vegas-convoy-had-blackhawk-escort-mysterious-2015-wal-mart-evacuations/135141#more-135141

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:57 | 6190935 Charming Anarchist
Charming Anarchist's picture

Yeah, like I can see Obama standing tall all Lord Jim-like leading the way. 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:04 | 6191213 Cynicles
Cynicles's picture

Yeah, if that is Jim Jones.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:57 | 6190941 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

Sign me up....I'm a patriot....

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:59 | 6190943 stant
stant's picture

Hope they dont drive Mercedes

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 14:59 | 6190945 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Good idea but wrong military

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:02 | 6190958 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture
Obama Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action In Congress

When asked to locate Washington on a map, 22% of Americans placed it in England, 17% in Canada, 11% in Russia and 7% in Iraq. Happily, 90% of the residents of Washington state had heard of Washington.

The rest had never heard of a place call Washington - Congress in Washington got bombed by Obama? Where's Washington? Unhappily, 7% asked who is Obama? 5% asked what's Congress?

Who needs the Onion when truth is stranger than fiction and funnier too.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:16 | 6191019 knukles
knukles's picture

Imagine what woulda happened had the survey been taken exclusively in the ghettos .... (as a means of deciding upon educational assistance, OK, so don't start givin' me any of that criticism about not loving my brothers, bitchez)

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:07 | 6191222 Cynicles
Cynicles's picture

Truths such as No One Died at Sandy Hoax & in multiple disctricts Øsurper won well over100% of the vote and actions amounting to nil were taken. Well, aside from the inoguration and the reign of tyranny that followed.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 18:55 | 6191756 Karaio
Karaio's picture

I've heard and saw Americans (US citizens) talking:

- The capital of Brazil is Buenos Aires.

- In the Iguaçu Falls, a guy asking if that water came from the Amazon River.

- Inside the Brazil only live indigenous, Brazil consists of two major cities: Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo.

- In airports, the guys tentanando converse in Spanish saying that made Portuguese course before I met my country!

Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 20:54 | 6192048 Karaio
Karaio's picture

The big shit is in the education system.

Not taught Geography in the USA!

The unfortunate learns that the world is a table with just over 50 States.

The measures are in miles, feet, pounds, gallons, the only thing in common with the rest of the world is that we are on a planet where the rest uses the metric system.

US geographers are English School (an island), the rest of the world adopts the French geography, a much more comprehensive school.

While things do not change (and I say that the military has no interest that things change), the average American will be a complete moron on the rest of the world!

I am Professor of Geography, I know what I'm talking about.

As always, I am short and thick in my comment.

That's it.

At.

Karaio!

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:05 | 6190970 kowalli
kowalli's picture

we are at war with eastasia today

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 18:39 | 6191709 WOAR
WOAR's picture

As we always have been.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:05 | 6190974 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

When do we remove this terrrorist from office?

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:07 | 6190978 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

All 546 of them, plus their staff.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:09 | 6190986 Ajax_USB_Port_R...
Ajax_USB_Port_Repair_Service_'s picture

Jimmy Johns pizza and soft drinks are available in the safe room. No pushing. No shoving.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:13 | 6191001 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Capitol Hill will return fire with colon-buster missiles tipped with KY, which will be well received

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:01 | 6191198 HamRove
HamRove's picture

So, projectile bran muffins w/ KY icing?

Mmmm...moist. 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:18 | 6191009 Nostradumbass
Nostradumbass's picture

We have met the enemy and he is US*

 

 

 

*US Congress



Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:30 | 6191014 TomGa
TomGa's picture

Obama's dream speech...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bq_C21Ksk_w#t=2841

 

...and then finishing off the U.S. Congress - AMERIKA (1987): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy3aploJ-Oc

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:16 | 6191022 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

LOL!  If only the president was on the side of the people...

 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:18 | 6191030 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

As long as none of them go near a school or wedding party, they'll be safe.

Liberty is a demand. Tyranny is submission.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:20 | 6191038 Shawnee
Shawnee's picture

we fragged some folks

 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:21 | 6191040 knotjammin2
knotjammin2's picture

Fuck the Onion.  With the world as screwed as it is we really don't need satire. 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:25 | 6191058 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Yes.  Not their best effort.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:24 | 6191055 jakesdad
jakesdad's picture

“Right now there are millions of people who are hopelessly trapped under Congress’ corrupt rule"

 

remind me again who is not letting who see a treaty being written by corporate lobbyists?  (yes, I know it's an onion story)

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:26 | 6191059 Mike Masr
Mike Masr's picture

The US Military should get Victoria Nuland and Geoffrey Pyatt involved. Yats will be looking for a new career opportunity soon and the new Kommisar (Speaker) of the House position would fit his neo nazi opportunist qualifications.  

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:26 | 6191062 jay28elle
jay28elle's picture

The Onion.  Of course, couldn't imagine for a moment that BO would say anything like this himself.   hehehe

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:31 | 6191082 reader2010
reader2010's picture

send all traitors to fema camps. 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:43 | 6191137 Bagbalm
Bagbalm's picture

The Emperor has dissolved the Senate! (Deep rumbling starship sounds)

 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:55 | 6191180 PhoQ
PhoQ's picture

I want to watch the senate being dissolved. I recommend hydrochloric acid for maximum laughs.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:45 | 6191141 Lea
Lea's picture

Don't you think there's enough real madness a it is, without needing the Onion on top?

The country is already one gigantic Onion.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:59 | 6191190 Jethro
Jethro's picture

When the Chinese media believed that the Kim Jong Un as the Sexiest Man Alive article was awesome though...

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:48 | 6191149 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

Before committing troops it would be best to try to 'starve them out'. Eliminating funding for a few days would convince the vast majority that there is no real point to resistence. The primary economic activity of the region is trade. The exchange of 'envelope cash' for 'favors' has been the sustaining activity since Congress first became independent in 1971 and the ability to put a halt to this would leave most of the inhabitants in a mood to retire to a life of lobbying.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:48 | 6191151 Rusputin
Rusputin's picture

Are you serious? A military coup in the United States?

To do what, overthrow a regime, by a regime, for a regime?

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:00 | 6191197 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Just ignore him/her. They will be the first to go. The expansion of a EU will not happen in this US Country. We can deport them to Greece to educate them on failed utopian ideals..

Pachelbel - Canon in D

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:22 | 6191278 Mike Masr
Mike Masr's picture

Maybe the US sponsored Kiev junta could let Dmitry Yarosh and his neo-nazi azov batallion slip out of Ukraine for a while to seal off the perimeter of the US capital.

I'm sure Porkyshenko wouldn't be too upset that the kindergartens, nursing homes, hospitals and residential areas in Donbass would have to go a few days without getting properly shelled.     

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:50 | 6191158 Atomizer
Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:58 | 6191171 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

I'M sorry but that article is fuked up. The quotes are all vague as who Is being talked about. If Ofuk said what the headline read it would be more direct. I'm no believer in this guy or that he wouldn't do It - but not with advance notice or this bs. Just saying - this is just rumouur shit type of info IMO

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:57 | 6191185 Jethro
Jethro's picture

LOL. Sad thing is....I bet the thought has crossed his, I mean Valerie Jarret's, mind.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:31 | 6191319 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Yo - saw where you had meet my bud DB - what a hoot. We seem to be at peace. Anyway - saw something about the bees.  very Genteel. Grunt style, I have finished off a 25 gallon all grain brewery - cold be a millionaire if I had done this over there.  spent many an hour reading on that! 

Oh - back to this thread - subtlety ain't my thing and .....

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 15:59 | 6191188 smacker
smacker's picture

NISSEN HUTS on the Whitehouse lawn are getting closer every day.

 

The irony is that this event is entirely possible as Obola drifts further towards his utopian totalitarianism, claiming that it's fairer.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:12 | 6191247 deerhunter
deerhunter's picture

He has succeeded in castrating and cleansing the military and a stroke of a pen to invoke the NDAA and this article will go from art predicting life (think 1984) to life imitating art. Satire becomes history . Ba Da Bing.
Along that line of thinking as to the web of control and infrastructure already in place I have this recent tidbit to offer up for comment. Here in a Chicago suburb on a local radio station we had the obligatory monthly alert of the testing of the emergency broadcasting network. At the end of the test it was announced this has been brought to you by the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department.
Have we in fact got a national web of control over all 50 states already functioning ? Comments welcome . Good weekend to all.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:15 | 6191264 The Delicate Genius
The Delicate Genius's picture

so long as this helps stop that Russia aggression toward NATO, Tylers.

http://sputniknews.com/infographics/20150603/1022907016.html

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:27 | 6191311 Mike Masr
Mike Masr's picture

Yes, horrible Russian agression!

Military analyst: Kiev tries to provoke Russia-NATO clash over Transdniestria

http://novorossia.today/military-analyst-kiev-tries-to-provoke-russia-na...

 

 

 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:45 | 6191351 wissen dass scheiBe
wissen dass scheiBe's picture

Fr. Jack Hackett recommends.....

"Drink!"

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:46 | 6191355 Superdave532
Superdave532's picture

Stop posting onion articles. You're not a fucking tabloid and the state of the world is satire enough as it is

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:55 | 6191376 Jim Shoesesta
Jim Shoesesta's picture

Just plain stupid. Congress, for the most part, has been doing exactly as he wants. Harry Ried buried more bills than Clinton did cigars. 

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 16:56 | 6191380 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Canada can help. We have experience. Call Harper.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 18:05 | 6191615 BoPeople
BoPeople's picture

Those who have observed lawmaking over the last 100 years realize that the current government is not a constitutional government and that it has gotten much worse since Bush 1.

There has been a coup.

The TV watching masses do not realize that an illegal coup took place. However, if Oblahblah does anything violent against Congress or the people of the United States, they will realize what he is. My guess is that will change the status quo.

Hitler 2.0! I would hope that is not what he wants, but fear that it is. Only Hitler had MUCH more popular support than O'blowme does now.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 19:19 | 6191807 Herdee
Herdee's picture

Send the Canadians to Washington to burn'r down once more.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 21:41 | 6192176 adjudged
adjudged's picture

Major Ross was an Irishman.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 20:20 | 6191949 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

In a moment of sleepy-headed stupor late in this Friday afternoon, I accidentally read the title of this article as

"...Not Ruling Out U.S. Military Action Against Congress."

 

With a jolt, I sat up and thought to myself "Holy fuck, it's about god damned time.  There's a chance for the USA to survive after all."

And then I re-read the title.  And then tears started to well up.  And now I'm so disillusioned I'm just going to go to bed and take a shit.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 22:27 | 6192284 Ginsengbull
Ginsengbull's picture

You forgot to capitalize the title God.

Fri, 06/12/2015 - 21:43 | 6192182 Bazza McKenzie
Bazza McKenzie's picture

The Onion?  I thought it must be the NYT.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!