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Knife Regulation Arrives: This Is The US Government, Hard At Work

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When it comes to the contents of the TPP, the most important law of Obama's second term, merely leaking its contents to the press can have result in imprisonment or treason charges, which, considering recent revelations that a substantial portion of the bill was drafted by and for the express benefit of pharmaceutical companies, was to be expected:  when the US population learns that their elected legislators not only don't read the laws they "pass", but are merely bribed figureheads that don't even write them, the resultant collapse of the "democratic" process would be unpleasant.

And yet, other laws such as S.1315, are perfectly transparent and open. So, with nobody in Congress drafting the TPP (and apparently not even able to pass it, despite corporate backers' demands), here is a vivid example of the US government, hard at work.

presenting: S. 1315, Knife Owners’ Protection Act of 2015

S. 1315 would allow people to possess knives in states where they are illegal if the person is travelling to and from states where the knife is legal, if the knife is secured, or if the knife is a safety blade designed for cutting seatbelts. Based on information provided by the Department of Justice and the Federal Trade Commission, CBO estimates that implementing S. 1315 would have no effect on the federal budget. Because enacting S. 1315 would not affect direct spending or revenues, pay-as-you-go procedures do not apply.

 

S. 1315 would impose an intergovernmental mandate as defined in the Unfunded Mandates Reform Act (UMRA) by preempting some state and local laws related to possessing and transporting knives. Laws regulating knives vary from state to state. The costs for state and local governments to comply with that mandate would include the cost to change protocols and train law enforcement officers. CBO estimates the total costs for state and local governments would be small and would not exceed the threshold established in UMRA ($77 million in 2015, adjusted annually for inflation).

Yes, it would cost US taxpayers $77 million to "protect" knife owners, and yes if you own a knife, you too may be considered a threat.

h/t Bruce Krasting

 

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Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:27 | 6204096 3.7.77
3.7.77's picture

Just a small cost for the states, that are already broke.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:35 | 6204123 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

I don't own knives. I own NMS (narrow metal structure) devices. Are they covered by law?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:54 | 6204182 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

NMS is against a code. Their sister enforcer group is NSS who pass out code violations involving narrow sharp sticks

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:07 | 6204218 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Well, I guess my Hattori Hanzo sword goes to the pawn shop tomorrow.  Unless I can justify owning it for "cutting seat belts".

Side note- anyone ever try to actually use one of those cheap eBay "seatbelt cutter" devices?  I bought one and tried to use it while seated in a car at the junkyard a few years back (yes, I love junkyards and go to them as often).  Damned thing didn't work for shit.  If I was trapped in a burning car and depended on one of those things I'd be cooked alive before I got through the seatbelt.  I thought it would be a quick "zzzzzzzip!" cut through the seatbelt and it was anything but.

 

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:17 | 6204247 Janice
Janice's picture

I was in the junk yard looking for a seat belt to install in my fix-er-upper and some jackass had cut halfway through it.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:25 | 6204262 mkhs
mkhs's picture

 

What the hell are you doing looking for parts in old AMCs?

 

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:35 | 6204290 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

How to defend yourself against anyone who attacks you with a piece of fresh fruit.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:00 | 6204347 TruxtonSpangler
TruxtonSpangler's picture

Cutting politican's seatbelts is a sporting purpose, right?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:57 | 6204466 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Off Topic Post
TSP has formed a second company, merging older communications with modern. For those who are interested in diversifying into one of the next boom technologies, here's a chance.
http://twoshortplanksunplugged.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/second-company-es...

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:31 | 6204522 old naughty
old naughty's picture

Done "deed" (Dundee).

Guess to avoid "horrific" incidents, no?

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-03-02/horrific-knife-attack-china-lea...

 

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:33 | 6204709 pretty bird
pretty bird's picture

Knives like ideas should be banned.  The filthy masses should be forced to cut their meat with spoons.  I have spoken.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 06:00 | 6204811 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

The Amish are sovereign citizens! You will not impose your idiocracy upon us!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:12 | 6204972 gafgroocK
gafgroocK's picture

 

 

I thought the Elders said "No Internet", so get back to that Barn raising, now!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:49 | 6204541 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

The totalitarian tip-toe!

The Absolute waltz (danced to Waaaagner of course)....

It's for the children.

Ward's of the state...

Water's getting hot people. I keep getting asked to come to the USSA (for work/family etc.) and I feel trapped.

Inside are all these great people I want to meet again, things I want to do, places I want to see (I missed the grand canyon)....

But those people at the border and a rebel like me! Trouble.....

Song: Zero One:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqO8IxnHLUs

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:43 | 6204313 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Oh fuck. Just what we need are more fucking laws. Bend the fuck over everyone, cuz here it comes....a scrap of meat for an ass fucking.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:42 | 6204432 Sophist Economicus
Sophist Economicus's picture

Uhmmm, I'm not sure, but I think this law is PROTECTING knife owners that travel into ass-hat states that try to ban certain kinds of knives.   This is the same as Federal laws that protect gunowners travelling through ass-hat states like NJ or WA.   Gun must be secured, etc.    If a LEO confiscates your gun, you can get it back and not go to jail if you followed the Fed procedures.

 

I think this regulation does the same thing for knives

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:54 | 6204460 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Forrest/Trees kind of thing. These regulations are designed to indoctrinate/brain wash people into thinking their rights come from codes written by pig men.

Defending life and liberty require no permissions.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:35 | 6204523 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Yes, and as a practical matter it introduces federal regulation of knives where none existed before under the guise of protecting the individual from the vagaries of state government. So now Feds have a reason to inquire about your knives which obviously opens up a whole can of worms. That's the kind of "protection" I don't want or need.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 01:27 | 6204609 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

By the time they get to moops like us it will ALL be legal. Just like Hitler and that devil hobbit in NK were democratically elected. Legal.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 09:33 | 6205202 rwe2late
rwe2late's picture

 with the kind of government we have,

next will be the laws making it a FEDERAL crime to transport

knives "illegally".

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 13:59 | 6206294 PTR
PTR's picture

Forrest/Trees kind of thing. These regulations are designed to indoctrinate/brain wash people into thinking their rights come from codes written by pig men.

Defending life and liberty require no permissions.

 

example: "Marriage license"

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 14:28 | 6206411 Abaco
Abaco's picture

Not really.  This law perpetuates the fiction that any governmental entity has any authority to infringe upon the right to keep and bear arms.  If tehy wanted to protect knife owners, they would make it a federal felony for anyone infringing upon the right.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:30 | 6204276 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Knife! It's either a shank or a shiv here in Police State USA.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:58 | 6204469 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

The MOB

 

(Merchantmen of Britain)

 

Machete's

http://www.merchantmenofbritain.co.uk/ProductMatchete.aspx

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 01:14 | 6204586 Klemens
Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:41 | 6204433 RevIdahoSpud3
RevIdahoSpud3's picture

My solution is I never wear a seatbelt. There, problem solved.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:09 | 6204968 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

I only wear them at police traffic stops.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:38 | 6204528 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

Here is the knife for your paticular seat-belt problem.

http://www.publicsafetydirect.com/kesebl.html

I love mine!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:15 | 6204984 Doug997
Doug997's picture

You always have to test/use your tools. Purchasing something and putting it away till the day you need it will bring you some surprises.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 07:24 | 6204884 chubbar
chubbar's picture

So what they are basically saying is that if you pass through a state where it is illegal to own a 8" bladed knife (for instance), you can continue on to your destination with your knife as long as it is "secured" (whatever that means). However, we are going to steal all your cash because while it is still legal to carry, although we are working on that loophole, we believe you are probably a drug runner. And even if you are not a drug runner, we really need the cash and you are pretty fucking stupid to think we exist to help you in any way. Have a nice day.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:12 | 6204230 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Gaius, sounds like you own a Hoyt ;-)

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:36 | 6204126 Creepy A. Cracker
Creepy A. Cracker's picture

KNIFE CONTROL...  NOW!!!!!

 

Oh, they already did it...

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:50 | 6204316 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Knaves don't kill people...err...um...or was it knives.

Knives kill fewer people than pens in the hands of the government. Maybe we need "government control" or a "ban on government?" Yes... that is a contradiction, but....what would a black market for government look like?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:48 | 6204324 chrsn
chrsn's picture

Next up:  Car Control

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:52 | 6204332 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Don't need no law to tell me I have the right to my life/property, and to the defense thereof.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:24 | 6204397 Colonel
Colonel's picture

Knowing the nanny state, next up will be scissors.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:04 | 6204955 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

Your mother already told you to not run with scissors!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 09:08 | 6205122 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

We need scissors todefend ourselves from terrorists.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 02:24 | 6204659 Lore
Lore's picture

Re: Car control  <- Agenda 21 Greenshirts are working on that already. "We've gotta get people out of their cars.."  And always, it's "To Save the Planet."  Stupid brainwashed leaf eaters.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:14 | 6204229 stant
stant's picture

If you cross the Ohio river going north or past the miss much more tha a few hrs ride your fucking nuts. Don't go in the woods without my Kbar eva

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:08 | 6204492 Cynicles
Cynicles's picture

Tyranny Abounds

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:46 | 6205065 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

People forget that "arms" (right to keep and bear) doesn't refer just to guns.  

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:29 | 6204102 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Whoever wrote this law was shit faced to have even come up with the idea.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:49 | 6204170 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

No kidding, WTF..!?!

This will cost vastly more than 77 million, think of all the useless jobs to be created and departments this will create just to attempt to enforce.

This country is in such a hurry now to destroy itself.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:22 | 6204257 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Someone was sitting down and actually had to think of this. Cavemen made rudimentary knives out of stone and some fucking cunt in 2015 decided that it's time for knife regulation.  What in the actual fuck.

Next...no more fire.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:49 | 6204325 WOAR
WOAR's picture

Arson is already illegal.

If a cop pulls up, and you've made a fire, try to explain to the cop why you made a fire.

Good luck, you arsonist.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:49 | 6204448 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

"Hey pig!  I smell bacon!!!"

Eet ees le campfieyir

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:37 | 6204527 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture

LMAO

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:46 | 6204443 sleigher
sleigher's picture

"Next...no more fire."

 

You do know that exhaling produces carbon dioxide right?

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:07 | 6204964 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

Governments are already considering banning wood burning fireplaces & backyard fire pits. These fires release uncontrolled contaminants into the air.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:47 | 6204323 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Please! Hurry it the fuck up. Yeah yeah yeah.....Careful what you wish for.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:02 | 6204352 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

That's the last thing I ever want NM.

What I see happening is other people in positions of power not actually fixing a myriad of things that need help ASAP, but wasting time on trivial things that will only speed the fall.

It makes me: sick, repulsed, and sometimes just plain sad for a once great land.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:30 | 6204413 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

I was sitting in a bar last night. Overheard a couple friends saying, "why do we need a President?", and "What if we simply refused to have a President."

Excusing myself for overhearing their conversation, I asked...in my best Plisskenesque prose, "President of What?"

What gives me hope is the fact that they considered my point without looking at me as if I were an alien.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 01:14 | 6204585 FIAT CON
FIAT CON's picture

"This country is in such a hurry now to destroy itself."

+1000

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:12 | 6204231 nevadan
nevadan's picture

More like shit for brains...

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:30 | 6204104 Ms No
Ms No's picture

You have been charged with carrying a pocket knife, you will be transported to camp 5 immediately. 

 

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:35 | 6204122 MonetaryApostate
MonetaryApostate's picture

If you look back at the Cameron Speech w/ Obummer just a while back, you'll see who's really driving the TPP.... (The UK)

Sadly enough Cameron didn't even address him as Mr. President. lol!

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:20 | 6204389 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

multitool ='s death sentence

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:31 | 6204106 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Every knife I own is designed for cutting seatbelts along with a lot of other things.  Who knew having one in the car was illegal anywhere?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:44 | 6204156 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

So you admit to having a terrorist seatbelt cutting knife then?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:06 | 6204214 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

So how about Mexican gardeners carrying machetes? Besides length and shape, is sharpness a factor? I mean if they want to outlaw armor piercing rounds, they should be able to outlaw knives sharp enough to cut to certain depths.

I just don't feel safe knowing there are people out there with sharp pointy objects that could kill me.

It reminds me of the time the TSA took my nail clippers because it had a small file on it that they claimed could be used as a knife, so I broke it off. They told me that the sharp edge that it left could also be used as a weapon and an armed military type came to stare at me for my resistance. I tell ya, there is danger at every turn. I refuse to carry a nail clipper with a attached file to this day, as I now clearly understand the danger.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:46 | 6204321 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

I just don't feel safe knowing there are people out there with sharp pointy objects that could kill me.

 

Looks like they're going to have to take away the pens and pencils and knitting needles and....

Stupid motherfucking Homeland Security bullshit about nail clippers.  Go ahead, try to cut into a water mellon with one. It's not about security, it's about compliance. Always has been.

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

 

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 09:16 | 6205142 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

It's so disfunctioally stupid, it's breathtaking.  Let's see.... what's a better weapon:  a tiny mnail file or the  6 foot power cord on your laptop?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:00 | 6204345 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Ignorance of "the law" means "the law" is superfluous.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:40 | 6205046 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

The officer better not look in my center console. I think I've got three knives in there.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:33 | 6204116 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

What if my knife self-identifies as a gun?

Is it still protected?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:52 | 6204177 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Transknife? Or transgun?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:03 | 6204205 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

I'm not sure since it kept its blade. I find this all very confusing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ5s39VivNU

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:27 | 6204267 indygo55
indygo55's picture

I believe the new correcter term is trans-JENNER. Get it?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:25 | 6204400 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

I thought the FDA banned trans- everything?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:45 | 6204442 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

They are simply outlawing anything that would have in the past been a test of intelligence. Says a lot about what they think of us.....drones. They either believe or hope we are but simple programmable drones set to a relatively simple task if any at all.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:01 | 6204348 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

It's OK, as long as it isn't loaded.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:42 | 6204723 Kprime
Kprime's picture

paint it black, because "Black Knives Matter".

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:36 | 6204118 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Good, now we will have no problems moving the Guillotine

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:38 | 6204132 gwar5
gwar5's picture

They didn't say anything about swords....

"You'll can pry my butter knife from my cold dead hands, bitchezzz."

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 01:40 | 6204620 Toronto Kid
Toronto Kid's picture

"You'll can pry my butter knife from my cold dead hands, bitchezzz."

I modded you up for this line alone. I'm going to steal it, use it as my signature, and claim I came up with it.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:40 | 6204140 Ms No
Ms No's picture

I am pretty sure that even Winston in 1984 was allowed to have a pocket knife larger than a safety knife.  Are scissors still legal?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:41 | 6204145 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Just don't run with them.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:08 | 6204220 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Just get the ones with round ends.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:02 | 6204353 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

and stop licking the goddamed paste!

 

...oh...was that my outside voice?

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 04:26 | 6204745 Refuse-Resist
Refuse-Resist's picture

In certain situations, such as if you're in a building when a mass shooting starts (gun free zone) then you can legally stab the shooter with your DHS approved saftey scissors.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:42 | 6204150 ClowardPiven2016
ClowardPiven2016's picture

"adjusted annually for inflation"...unlike my paycheck

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:49 | 6204171 dirtscratcher
dirtscratcher's picture

Just $77 million? Looks like we got off cheap with this one. Usually government boodoggles are way more expensive.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:40 | 6204720 Kprime
Kprime's picture

oh just wait, the cost overruns will put it north of 8 billion.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:52 | 6204176 tuttisaluti
tuttisaluti's picture

And what is with chain saws...

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:41 | 6204307 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

Funniest chain saw video I ever saw...

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2dc_1434494872

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:39 | 6204719 Kprime
Kprime's picture

that was hilarious

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:52 | 6204178 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Pretty much anyone with a tool box on a truck is now a terrorist.  In California screwdrivers will be illegal before long.  Hair stylists are going to have to be retrained to use nail clippers to chop your locks.  Long nail clippers!

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:03 | 6204204 rejected
rejected's picture

MacGyver would be in big trouble with his Swiss Army knife.

Is Duct Tape still legal?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:16 | 6204245 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Lets face it. It is people with skills that are the threat. People with guns are not so dangerous unless they can actually hit what they aim at. A knife is just a hunk of metal unless you know how to use it. It is those people, the ones they actually need to produce things, the ones who can think and learn and act, that they simultaneously fear and hate. They fear them because only they can defeat their diabolical plans. They hate them because they lack those things in themselves. At best they can parrot their ideologies and induce others to follow, but they can make nothing and can only create destruction.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:32 | 6204280 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

Execellent postage.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:01 | 6204350 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

It's got Ayn Rand's stamp on it.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:05 | 6204358 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

who is John Galt?

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:57 | 6204555 dirtscratcher
dirtscratcher's picture

@ Oldwood. You hit the nail on the head. But it's what skills represent: independance. If one has skills to survive without TPTB, then he is a threat. Raise your own food? Defend yourself without government thugs? Employ yourself and earn a living without dependancy on a 'job'?  Think outside the box and question authority? You are an enemy that has to be dealt with.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 04:11 | 6204738 Condition 1SQ
Condition 1SQ's picture

Gun control, knife control, fist control will be next.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 07:13 | 6204872 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Anything that can make another "feel" threatened, like a sharp pointy mind.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:04 | 6204180 TomGa
TomGa's picture

Caption: "Now this, is a knife!"

 

So how do you cut a steak in states where knives are illegal? Blunt nose scissors?

 

And just think of all those fellons called Boy Scouts who transport their knives across state lines already without protection. Lions, tiger, and bears! Oh my!

/sarc off

 

You'll know when a country is about to fail because first its politicians will go batshit insane. QED.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:19 | 6204251 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Knives, at least those sharp enough to cut anything will only reside in the hands of licensed professionals, those deemed to have actual need and proper background checks to ensure their "stability".

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:29 | 6205016 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

Specially trained and licensed personnel in the kitchen will cut the steak for you before is brought out to you.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:55 | 6204184 rejected
rejected's picture

"leaking its contents to the press can result in imprisonment or treason charges,"

I think they're a little confused on just who is the treasonous party is...

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 21:59 | 6204196 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

How fun and what wonderful questions one could ask a politician tied to a chair.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:30 | 6204275 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

You mean sorta like Jack Bauer versus Lois Lerner?

I'd pay to watch THAT!

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:06 | 6204360 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

If you like your email, you can keep your email.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:07 | 6204217 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So, because one state decides what is legal and what is not, ALL states must subsidize THEIR state law through the federal government?

Go fuck yourself!

With a domestically "imported" knife ;-)

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:08 | 6204221 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

I'm a baseball player. Therefore, I always carry my bat and glove. I call the bat "big stick". Better "reach" than a knife.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:27 | 6204268 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

I'm a surveyor.  So when at work, I always carry a full length machete.

Oh, and my S&W 1911TA .45 for those darn bears.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:42 | 6204308 Charming Anarchist
Charming Anarchist's picture

I am a writer.  The pen is mightier than the sword! 

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:13 | 6204377 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

My Sheriff buddy advised me that it may be illegal to carry a baseball bat in my trunk (location dependent.)

I submit that any law standing in violation to the law of life, and self defence thereof, is no law at all.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 05:07 | 6204770 valley chick
valley chick's picture

Long rope.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:31 | 6205025 Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo's picture

Yes, Officer, it is necessary for me to carry my tire iron on the floorboard beside me. It rattles around when it's in the trunk- so annoying.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 08:25 | 6205003 STP
STP's picture

I mountain bike and have to help out with trail maintenance.  That's why I carry a six inch, folding Razor Saw!  It looks, just like a giant red plastic pocket knife, but it's got a big blade and very sharp serrated teeth.  Just for the bushes, ya know?

Also have, rightalongside, in the pocket of the door, one of those solid rubber bars, they use for separating groceries on the conveyer belt at the supermarket.  It weighs about a pound and a half, it's very flexible too.  Just in case, I need it to separate my groceries, ya know?   Oh, and it's got a hole, running lengthwise, through the center, just in case you need to store some lead fishing weights...

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:09 | 6204224 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

I know steak knifes are nearly illegal to own in the UK now, and carrying one in the street is illegal in most US states.  It's crazy.  I hope knife deregulation is in Trump's platform, lord knows scissor regulation must be, explaining his hair.  Too bad the founding fathers didn't write it into the 2nd amendment, but they probably never imagined they'd need to.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:16 | 6204243 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Comb overs and race/gender qualifications for access to law will be more clearly defined in the upcoming amendments to the Constitution ;-)

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:35 | 6204712 Kprime
Kprime's picture

that should cost only 700 billion to implement.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:18 | 6204249 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

The Emperor Wears No Clothes
http://www.jackherer.com/thebook/

-Ch10-

In fact, while British common law is the basis for our modern legal system, forfeiture law relies on the medieval concept of the cursed object “Deodand” (from the latin “deo” god, and “dand” give; meaning that any object causing human death was forfeited to the crown). This is the basis for American laws of seizure and confiscation of property, rather than penalties only against persons. Why? Simple. People have guaranteed legal rights; property does not!

-Ch14-

Today’s in rem (against things rather than against persons) forfeiture proceedings are civil suits against the property itself. Relying on analogy to the deodand, a legal “personification fiction,” declares the property to be the defendant. It is held guilty and condemned, as though it were a personality - and the guilt or innocence of the owner is irrelevant.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:19 | 6204252 VWAndy
VWAndy's picture

One nice thing about going batshit crazy. You will have lots of company.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:20 | 6204253 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

The fascist Paul Ryan, O'Bammy's little step 'n fetch whore, needs to be shown the door for his anti-American secret deal promotional activities.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:35 | 6204288 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Ryan is just another puppet of the NWO. Why was he a VP candidate? Anyone old enough to wonder HTF Bob Dole became candidate?

All the people we see are chosen from above and shoved down our throats until we are convinced evolutionary progress found Sarah Palin/Paul Ryan/Joe Biden/George Bush and the rest of the criminal gang.

Do what we gotta do to awaken our fellows.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:48 | 6204301 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

+ 1 ! lol

EDIT: Your comment's tone and timing was nearly coincidental with my own.  It's funny how these rats like Ryan become increasingly transparent in the political cycle.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:20 | 6204390 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Indeed. Presidents (all politicians) are selected, not elected. Government is just the most powerful/popular criminal gang in a geographic region.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:37 | 6204297 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Kinda explains why he was picked as VP candidate with Romney.

Showing his administrative fascist Globalist twirp-in-waiting colors now that he's done the math on 2016 and feels he can do better bidding for his masters in his current role rather than taking a flyer on 'President'.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:23 | 6204259 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

I don't own a knife.

I own a Zero Tolerance ZT-9 Bayonet,

made of S30V steel, Made in the USA.

Fits nicely on my Windham Weaponry M4,

on which I also have an EOTECH holographic w/ 3x EOTECH magnifier,

and M855 62gr green tip steel penetrator ammo.

Of course, if things get hairy, I'll just go to my Armalite AR-10 7.62x51mm NATO

with Burris Elminator III bullet-drop compensating Ballistic LaserScope.

As for the bayonet fit on my M4 16" barrel, no problem: I purchased an adapter on-line which

compensates for the location of the Flash Suppressor.  Fits nice and snug.

The S30V steel sharpens nicely and cuts like a razor blade.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:12 | 6204373 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

you'll shoot your eye out

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:21 | 6204392 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

I am so glad there wasn't a beer in my mouth when I read this.

That's some funnt shit raght thar.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:24 | 6204398 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

Nah.  That's only with a BB or pellet gun.

My 62gr M855's go through 1/4" steel easily at 100 yards and then

destroys the target on the other side.  Results courtesy of my own field tests.

But then again, so does NATO M80 7.62x51mm.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:59 | 6204472 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

Sheeit.  If you aint blasting thru 1 inch steel plate, you aint tryin!

Nothing says hello quite like a few of these hornets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8ZxiWjt1ZM

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:04 | 6204483 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Ok, then you'll pry your eye out.

Actually I have seen that done. One image I wish I could delete from my mind.

Miffed

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 09:30 | 6205187 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

We're you watching King Lear?

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:24 | 6204702 Kprime
Kprime's picture

if he doesn't stab himself in the eye first.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:29 | 6204271 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

Note to all police:

Please sign in at the front gate and relinquish all weaponry,

before heading up the driveway.

This is for your personal safety and protection.

/sarc

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:31 | 6204277 centerline
centerline's picture

Most states have rules about knives.  Length of blade, fixed or not, method of opening (assisted open or normal manual mechanism), etc. which determine whether or not it is considered a pocket knife or a bonified weapon.  Slip into the weapon category and you need a concealed carry permit valid in said state.  If openly displayed, your screwed.  No valid permit, screwed.   

Traveling sure does require knowing where you are going and how you are getting there if you are toting even a pocket knife.  What a shame huh? How many everyday people would know to check all this?  In some states a 3.5" blade is ok.  In others, 2.5".  One small detail can mean the difference between just being harrassed and really getting into a lot of trouble.

Reminds me of some quote about measuring a nation's freedoms by it's laws...  US more or less is about on par with Nazi Germany at it's peak.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:42 | 6204310 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

So what about a State in which you can open carry or conceal carry without a permit?

Permits for such are just as bad as gun registration.  The 2nd Amendment never said anything about needing permits.

I carry at all times, plain and simple.  And so do many, many others in my state (Wyoming).

No permits needed.

At this point in our society, Americans have more reason to fear being killed by police for a simple traffic stop,

then being fearful of normal civilians with guns:

HEADLINE:

Police In The US Have Shot And Killed 385 People So Far In 2015: Report

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:17 | 6204387 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Permits are for slaves

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:30 | 6204411 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

<< In some states a 3.5" blade is ok.  In others, 2.5".  >>

 

So it's true what Leroy told me! Size does matter!!!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:23 | 6204700 Kprime
Kprime's picture

Killed, robbed, raped, or beaten to death.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:56 | 6204327 Chipped ham
Chipped ham's picture

Dupe.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:54 | 6204335 Chipped ham
Chipped ham's picture

The US is too big.  We should break up into several smaller, competitive and co-operative nations.  Live where you want to live and keep the others away at knifepoint.  Let the ones who disdain self defense and common sense huddle together in the California desert and leave the rest of us alone. 

Problem solved.  Knife owners protected.  77 million unfunded mandate dollars not spent teaching cops what they already know.  Loonies lost in the desert. Everyone wins.

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:22 | 6204697 Kprime
Kprime's picture

we got those Nazis beat.  Bet they didn't have rules about collecting rain water, living off the grid, camping with your kids.  Do any of those in merika and the Nazi CPS will show up with swat teams to steal your kids and shoot you in the head.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:35 | 6204291 Bank_sters
Bank_sters's picture

America has gone full retard.  Fortunately, I can still use my ax without a permit. 

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:04 | 6204485 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Well lets just see what happens when you walk into the drug store with a nice shiny double edge axe on your shoulder and see how far you get.

Will there ever be open carry for axes????

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 00:25 | 6204510 Bank_sters
Bank_sters's picture

I dunno.   Do you spend all day acting like this?

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 07:15 | 6204875 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Yes, yes I do...and I'm married to an axe murderer as well!

Wed, 06/17/2015 - 03:19 | 6204693 Kprime
Kprime's picture

are you sure?

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:37 | 6204296 Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper's picture

Hey, not fair.  I should be able to carry my .50 caliber machine gun in any state too.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 23:52 | 6204455 Oldwood
Wed, 06/17/2015 - 07:18 | 6204879 Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper's picture

Nice!! I'm gonna ask Santa for one of those for Christmas.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:38 | 6204300 Chipped ham
Chipped ham's picture

Laughing just to keep from crying.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:40 | 6204304 moroots
moroots's picture

Won't someone please think of the children! 

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:42 | 6204312 Reaper
Reaper's picture

I demand equality. Why should the State be allowed guns, when I am not? Why should the State be trusted, when I am not? If knives corrupt me, do weapons not corrupt the State?

With whom or how do we protect ourselves from the State? Freedom is being free from controls? Slavery is serving a master. To obey is to submit.

Tue, 06/16/2015 - 22:45 | 6204318 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

How do I cut my steak?

Or is this part of the turning us all into veggies so we don't have cow farts anymore.....

BUT, but but.... Then cows would become extinct and we would have to set aside 2000000000000000000000 acres to make sure they are not affected by automibiles or clearcuts or oilwellls or fuking veggie dogooders....................

It just gets crazier by the day......

Won't this guy just go away????????????????????????????

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