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Wall Street's Next Bonanza: Subprime Marriage-Backed Securities
Submitted by Daniel Drew via Dark-Bid.com,
The last crash was caused by reckless investments in subprime mortgage-backed securities, an ingenious way to repackage and redistribute staggering amounts of credit risk to unsuspecting investors. After losing their house and their money, some investors may take comfort in their enduring marital relationships. Unfortunately, marriage is one of the riskiest bets of all, which makes it a prime, or should I say "subprime" target for Wall Street's masters of innovation.
After watching oil titan Harold Hamm pay his ex-wife $1 billion, I couldn't help but wonder where he went wrong in the relationship department. Then again, he's not exactly a shining example of risk management; he lost $10 billion in the oil price collapse, or the equivalent of 10 ex-wives. Most Americans can't afford to pay their spouse $1 billion or even $15,000, which is the average cost of a contested divorce. Where there's risk, Wall Street is not far away.
One of the remarkable features of modern society is the seemingly endless amount of ways to repackage risk and distribute it to those who have a demand for it. The wacky world of the insurance industry seems to know no bounds. From vanilla products like car insurance to the ultra-weird like Troy Polamalu's $1 million hair insurance, you never really know what you're going to see next. While there are certainly notable individual examples of insurance oddities, nothing has the potential to create widespread effects like marriage insurance.
Provided by Safeguard Guaranty, marriage insurance is sold in units for $15.99 per month, which covers $1,250 in potential divorce costs. That's $192 per year for one "unit," which gives the insurance company a break-even point of 6.5 years, not including overhead. They even have a divorce probability calculator that is based on over 20,000 interviews. Supposedly, it has an accuracy rate of 87%. They don't elaborate on their formula, but you can get an idea of their inputs by answering some of the questions.
If marriage insurance sales take off, it's only a matter of time before Wall Street repackages it and sells it to investors via subprime marriage-backed securities. A boom in marriage speculation would ensue. Did you see your neighbor with his mistress last night? Buy some MBS credit default swaps on him and tell his wife what you saw. Is your other neighbor away from home a lot? Buy some MBS insurance on his wife, seduce her, and when they get divorced, you can cash in. Consider it "inside her" trading. Does it sound preposterous? It's not any crazier than buying credit default swaps on poor people's mortgages and making $15 billion when they become homeless. Remember, everything is fair in the "free market."
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Virgin insurance for the daughter
Till debt do you part...
It's getting rarer and rarer that I look for "The Onion" tag, but I thought I had a sure thing here.
Nope, this is for real. Another twisted version of life served to us by the FIRE sector.
I want "satisfaction insurance". If I'm not satisfied with my toaster after two months, I get paid out, right?
Rent for the weekend.
Until I got divorced, I never realized there was such a thing as "free time."
Jim Gaffigan shreds weddings...
"Whenever I see someone crying at a wedding, I always say 'don't worry, it probably won't work out.'"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo_UooohmQM
So if one of 'em dies or they get divorced there are pre-payments .....
Or is it like an IO (Interest Only)?
The Muppets are curious
Hollywood may actually become productive.
Short ALL Hollywood marriages.
Why not tip your neighbor off to you uscoming split and split the cash? We can all get rich. Wall Street does it.
thank you Daniel for your blown out thinking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCiuI_g9vdg
Can I get CDS coverage
Love is priceless. Divorce is about $150,000 ;-)
Here's a better link:
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/l1inw6/jim-gaffigan--obsessed-weddings-are-incredibly-weird
Most divorses since Leeman
The break even point on a gay marriage would be half that 6.5 years.
Except for the women.
I'm all in!
Obama and Michelle can finally get married.
Cute picture but in PC Amerika the leash holder is the wrong sex.
Just wait until Hitlery gets in.
Hell ya my insurance career just took a turn in thr right direction since obumercard screwed it up
SCOTUS is full-in on this approach. By extending the "definition" of "marriage" to all and sundry, they increase the number of "contributors" to the risk pool.
BRILLIANT!!!
Ghey dude number one: "Honey, I'm taking the drapes."
Ghey dude number two: "Like hell you are cocksucker!"
The appropriate curse would be "Like hell you are CUNTsucker !"
This can be a good investment considering Americna women are used good anyway and the guys are left holding the bags. She moves on to the next guy and the cycle continues. Ah the love the so called I love you. Not really just a scam. Might as well bet that the marriage won't last
The Pic would be more PC and relevant with two men..
Here in the Commonwealth, we compel objectors to have plastic (of the highest quality, mind) figurines of:
you get the idea, it is an "evolving paradigm"
- Ned
man plus penguin made me lol
Or at the very least:
"Man" who used to be a woman + "Woman" who used to be a man.
Let's not offend anyone!
Kaitlyn that you?
on another note, is it just me or do things seem to be picking up speed? A Rainbow colored white house?
Get the fuck outta here,
I didn't know what a fag was until fifth grade. Today they're doing all they can to make sure that every five year old in the country will be asking, "Mommy, what's gay mean?"
I thought I undestood what a fag was until I married an English woman... I don't think I understand any of it anymore.
Aaah, I now remember, the "evolving Paradigm of marriage" as promulgated by Chief justice of the Massachusetts supreme court. Brings back unhappy memories of paying taxes to that horrible state. I'm sorry to see that you are living there. I hope you can move out and get into a better place. Take care.
bum bandit bondage
Don't agree, would be better with black woman as the bride. Michael would have an orgasm and hang it in Oval Office.
And yet it still produces nothing anyone needs. So this is it huh? This is where human innovation stops?
Marriage securities lol next comes the tattooed bar codes on evey forehead.
A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my small business owner boss about insurance - was joking that I'll become an after-life insurance salesmen. He asked me to guess how many insurance policies he has in total. I guessed around 10. Turns out it's closer to 20. Holy shit dude!
You might want to find out of those are all on his employees, knowwhatimsayin'?
Might be better of putting that $15.99/ mo towards an airstream camper or a van down by the river.
This can be expanded to other events in people's lives as well. The possibilities are endless!
15.99/month covers a 1250 payout.
That's funny. I don't think my guy would have gotten up from his desk for less than 2K.
All told about 70K to put that one away. LOLz @ 1250 - not even a retainer.
Theres a lot of piss poor lawyers stuck with law school debt. They'll work cheap and take coupons.
I was thinking that. If a typical contested divorce costs 15k (per the article), then to really cover it you should be paying about $160/month in premiums. For a divorce at your level (70k in legal fees) it would be about $700/mo. in premiums (good grief is that right? I think so).
Oh gosh, if anything marriage certificates should expire.
I've often wondered why defined term marriages aren't more common.
wendigo: ya gotta' look outside of your obviously prejudiced and parochial neighborhood. Look to the middle east, where the dominant culture offers so-called "test drives" of varying durations or to the far east.
You, Sir, are so narrow-minded, why, it is almost hate speach </sarc, if you hadn't freakin' figured that out>
- Ned
supposedly, some of the Celtic tribes had year long marriages... both parties had to agree to renew.
Not a bad idea, really.
year-to-year "Let's See How It Goes" marriage.
Chunga, should you really have that flag up there? I mean they took Dukes of Hazard off the air but there were still 9 shootings in Philly last nite. Guess it wasn't the flag that was the problem.
this is the only logical conclusion.
https://scontent-lga1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/11665629_9759...
What did you consider the funny part? That video had more straw-men than the state of Kansas.
The subprime slime the EU banksters made out of Greece just bit them in the butt, so now they'll find a new die to cast.... Count on it.
The best insurance ?
DO NOT GET MARRIED, (a least in a Western feminist CoUNTry).
Correction do not date them either.
Moar gay pride parades to receive US entitlements.
Tick tock
A gay marriage partner collects the insurance if he can prove that the marriage was not consummated.
So could I buy some personal marriage 'puts' (ie payout if my own marriage ends in divorce)? That would surely take moral hazard to new heights. . .
A faggot will never complain about a nigger getting more taxpayers money. The negro will kill the fags.
Welcome to Obamaland.
This is a great idea perhaps even worth contacting the ex. I don't know that the paperwork ever went through and the insurance might be a way to finally get something out of that pissant marriage.
I think you are on to something. Assuming mine went through, it wasn't in the US.
The feminists will get to divorce equity after they write a 3 month paid maternity leave into the Constitution by judicial legislation.
Then they'll listen to what you have to say at dinner.
Bring your wallet.
3 month? More like 3 year, if they get their way.
It will be 6 years, until the kid starts school.
Rent the rings.
Lease it ( There fixed it)
Marriage is too risky in the USA and so is having kids. I wonder if anyone gives a damn how miserable life cna be or become.
I prefer hookers. Problem solved or single mothers. They are dime a dozen in Texas
Hit squads solve so many problems outside of the judicial system.
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvMFhYMVawk
It's kind of sad to imagine a married couple, each of them on their iPoops, going through the divorce probability calculator survey. Couldn't open the mouth and communicate, I suppose. The best relationships don't really require words at all...
IPOOP communication for the dumb idiots. I guess this tips the scale. I am definitely going to bet on this
Third time (or fifth time, or tenth, who knows how to count with new math?) lucky, wife and I celebrated our 28th ham this past Easter. Year 0 at Easter featured our first ham with her ex-parents-in-law. Wife became second time (or tenth or twentieth, who knows? I did not ask) lucky. 'Til Death do us part for real. We'll take a pass on that insurance notion!
WTF fuck r u raving about???
I'm writing a fictional novel on the topic of what happens to marriage. IN the end, when people are marrying their pets, a woman gets fed up and sells herself into slavery. The contract is very simple -- and familiar -- that she will honor and obey until death does them part. He for his part can do as he likes, including marriage, if there is any woman stupid enough to go that route. In the end there are few. Punch line; a man must post a $5M bond against "abandonment" unless his slavegirl agrees otherwise, and some do. Most end up living as typical husbands and wives anyway, except she wears a collar. And does so with pride, having given all that a girl can give.
Add in that when you turn 59 1/2 the ex gets half tax free.
When did the feminists infiltrate Zerohedge? A slave cannot *decide* to be a slave or *demand* livelihood and protection from its master. Wives can and do, and could and have done throughout history.
People still get married? I'm almost 30 and none of my friends are married.
that's because you and your friends are straight. All the gays are getting married, the only ones left I gues
Spungo. Got ya beat. 49
Any man today with any semblance of common sensewill NOT sign a contract. PERIOD
the gays will sign the contract--just saying
He said "men". Gays are not men. They are unnatural.
The proof is in the fight they wage to join an institution that has a 55% failure rate, and 75% when you count those marriages that are merely financial arrangements, or 'for the chirren'.
I think that (per the studies with voles), some people are genetically set up to be married for good, and some not. You can to some degree guess about someone by looking at whether his/her parents are still married. All of my husband's colleagues are still married after many years (except for one woman colleague who was foolish enough to marry a handsome Russian psychopath who dumped her after she finished raising his kid); my husband and I have been married 24 years (and we were together for four years before that). What works of course is to keep lowering one's expectations; lower, lower, lower. It's not so hard to do when you look around at what is available and gag. One notorious killer of marriages is romance novels; I kid you not; "Madame Bovary" was not fiction!!! I know women who have started reading them and suddenly their expectations for EVERYTHING shot to the moon; their poor schmuck husbands were left in the dust as their wives departed for Tinder and STDs. BTW, I know the stats say that women initiate most divorces, but in a lot of the cases I know of they did it because the man cheated, usually when the kids were young. Neither side is saintly.
Is there a vole analog to the Kardashians? One wonders...
Karennica. STFU.
LOL
The fookin picture speaks a thousand words. Attention males, abort
I sayagain, abort.
Oh, come on. They trot out that photo regularly on ZH in order to excite male paranoia. I have seen it so many times here. There is some truth to it of course, but don't fixate on the photo; read about voles instead (http://sciencenetlinks.com/science-news/science-updates/monogamous-voles/), LOL.
She should have paid
How does a man with the brains to make billions enter into a legally binding agreement with the state and a wench, and not smell a rat? Welcome to the human race. Any bloke that thinks he needs to sign a contract for love is a walking cash machine.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it!
I would have shorted bill&hill
Happy marriage - WTF - intelligent muslim, honest politico