Moron Madness

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Jim Quinn via The Burning Platform blog,

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We’re back from our vacation in Wildwood. I hoped for more relaxation, but it wasn’t to be. I rode my bike most mornings. I walked miles on the boardwalk with my wife and kids. We played the Cape May par 3 golf course. I went deep sea fishing with my youngest son. I made it to the beach twice. We made it to the Shamrock a few times, but we had more fun on the outdoor deck at Westy’s Pub. Watching an 85 year old couple who were barely 4 feet tall dancing like they did in the 1950’s to current pop hits was worth the price of admission. The scene brought a smile to the faces of anyone in the vicinity.

I ate more pieces of white pizza from Mack’s than I can remember.

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How I resisted getting more than one cup of peanut butter ice cream with chocolate jimmies at Kohr’s, I’ll never know.

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We saw two outstanding displays of fireworks while we were there. The weekly fireworks are launched on the beach at my street, so we just need to go to the top deck or stand in the street to see the colorful display. The wind was blowing from the ocean, so the debris and ash floated onto our deck.


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I always have mixed feelings about Wildwood. I love sitting on the deck early in the morning drinking my coffee and listening to the seagulls squawking. It is peaceful and relaxing sometimes. The weekends tend to be loud, with obnoxious day trippers invading. The paintball game on the boardwalk a block from my house perfectly describes the sights on the Wildwood boardwalk. Moron Madness (you shoot at a guy dressed up as Osama bin Laden) is an apt description for the Wildwood boardwalk.

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It is tough to generalize about the thousands upon thousands of people walking/waddling on the Wildwood boardwalk. In the early morning hours, before 9:00 am, you see joggers, bikers, and mostly in-shape people on the boardwalk. This is the time when I find the boardwalk to be enjoyable. It’s quiet. The sun is coming up over the ocean. The dozens of tattoo parlors haven’t opened for business yet, and the freaks are at a minimum.

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By 11:00 am the obese, tattooed, pierced, XXXL bathing suit wearing land whales have disconnected from their CPAP machines to hunt for donuts, soda and breakfast sandwiches.

No one is safe as the thundering herd shuffles along, blocking bikers and joggers, as they grapple for position in front of the Dunkin Donuts on the boardwalk at my block. As they breathlessly anticipate the enjoyment of inhaling a dozen chocolate donuts with sprinkles, the incessant Mr. Softee music from next door is whispering to them – come buy a triple fudge sundae for lunch. It’s only $3.49. How can you pass up that deal?

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This is just the beginning of temptation for the thousands of morbidly obese blobs straining the wooden structure known as the Wildwood boardwalk. The boardwalk is a veritable smorgasbord of funnel cake, fried oreos, fried cheesecake, tornado fries, lemonade, curly fries, corn dogs, zeppolis, fudge, cotton candy, salt water taffy, ice cream waffles, churros, pizza topped with cheese fries, triple fudge sundaes, and of course a large diet coke. How can 300 pound women in bikinis pass up the opportunity to do some carbohydrate binging?

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The funniest “upscale” purveyor of toxic junk food is Wildwood’s only French establishment – La Bakerie. Where else could you find a Nutella Crepe, S’mores Crepe, Fried Snickers, Fried Twix, or Fried Nutter Butter? It’s like you’re actually in Paris.

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I can’t help it that I’m an observer. I observe businesses, vehicles, street signs, clothing choices, and the people wandering the vast swaths of ‘Murrica. Liberals, progressives, Obama lovers, and control freaks have a problem with my observations because they don’t believe any behavior, clothing choice, or life choice should be judged, scorned or ridiculed. What we have here is a failure to communicate. I see ignorant, stupid, obese people who make bad life choices every day. They reveal themselves by their actions and their appearance. They stand out like a sore obese thumb in Wildwood. As I’ve noted earlier, there are many normal people in Wildwood, but it appears abnormalcy is winning. The dichotomy is most apparent on the weekends and holidays.

The reason for this is quite simple. It costs $1,500 to $2,500 to rent a condo for a week in Wildwood. Only families with one or two working parents can afford to spend a week in Wildwood. This virtually eliminates black people. First off, there are few black two parent families. Secondly, there are even fewer black families with parents that work for a living. Therefore, you only see middle aged white parents and their kids strolling the streets and boardwalk during the week. When the weekend arrives Wildwood is inundated by day tripper white and black trash. Wildwood is the only free beach below Atlantic City. Stone Harbor, Sea Isle, Avalon, and Ocean City charge $5 or $6 per day per person to access their beaches. The Free Shit Army doesn’t like to pay, so they gravitate to Wildwood. Luckily, SNAP cards are not accepted at the food joints on the boardwalk, or Wildwood would look like West Philly.

I actually enjoy taking a jaunt on the boards during the weekend to make note of the freaks, land whales, rapper wannabes, and the ignorant unemployable tattooed masses. I don’t have to exaggerate one iota regarding the sights that threatened to burn my corneas. My wife and kids can confirm all of my observations. Why do 250 pound girls think they can pull off wearing a bikini? Is there no shame? You shouldn’t be banned from the beach because you’ve eaten yourself to the size of a hippo, but for christ sake wear a one piece bathing suit and a moo moo. Why are so many poor people so fat? The number of waddling morbidly obese  unmarried women and their uncontrollable horde of bastard children is mind boggling. And why do these people find it amusing to feed seagulls on the boardwalk creating havoc and a bird shit attack on innocent bystanders? Do they have no sense of decorum or civility? Anyone who feeds a seagull on the boardwalk is an outright idiot.

Idiots abound during the weekends in Wildwood. Moron madness sums it up nicely. The proliferation of tattoos amongst the ignorant is astounding. I certainly can understand soldiers getting a tattoo on their arm representing their unit or service as a form of comradeship. I understand motorcycle club members identifying themselves by a distinct common tattoo. But young girls with multiple tattoos on their legs, arms, necks, and backs is revolting and stupid. We saw an attractive young girl at the Shamrock bar with a full leg tattoo. When my wife saw it close up while in the restroom, she noticed it was faces of ghouls and vampires. What happened in her childhood to lead her to deform herself in such a manner? It reminds me of cattle being branded by farmers, except the cattle are human beings being herded and corralled by their government keepers and they brand themselves.

I’m baffled as to why so many people feel the need to mutilate their bodies. These are lower class people with limited financial resources. Some of them have thousands of dollars worth of ink deforming their bodies. The combination of ignorance, illiteracy, mathematical incompetence, and no self respect is a toxic mixture destined to keep these people trapped in poverty and unemployable. I have a theory about why the poor feel the need to tattoo themselves. We live in an egocentric facebook culture where everyone is competing to be noticed. People are desperate for attention. The rich don’t get tattoos. They drive BMWs. They wear Rolex watches. They wear Armani suits. They live in McMansions. The poor can’t afford bling, real estate, or luxury cars. But they can finance tattoos with their credit card. The easily led, ignorant, lemming like masses are just following the lead of the other ignorant masses. You can’t teach stupid.

The funniest aspect of the boardwalk is the tramcar – I hear “watch the tramcar please” in my sleep. After wolfing down a few fried oreos, washed down by a 32 oz lemonade, the tattooed masses hail down the tramcar to drive them the ten blocks to their motel rooms. They are too ignorant to understand the irony of being transported on something called the Boardwalk. 

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There is nothing particularly wrong with the people enjoying themselves on the Wildwood boardwalk. They aren’t bad people. They aren’t committing crimes. They are spending money and keeping the economy going. But, I can pretty much guarantee you that not one of these people has ever visited The Burning Platform or would even understand the issues we debate every day. They are willfully ignorant. They don’t want to think about hard stuff. They have been dumbed down by our public education system. They have become obese by eating the toxic frankenfood peddled by mega-corporations. I noticed one heifer with one of those ugly Apple iWatches on her immense wrist. Where do these supposedly poor people find $500 to waste on an egocentric useless bauble. Ignorant Americans are addicted to status symbols because their lives are so shallow and their intellects are deficient. True self worth comes from within, not from what you wear, drive, or paint on your body.

They have been brainwashed by their government with decades worth of propaganda that has sedated them, made them fearful of phantom terrorists, and supportive of blowing up people in foreign countries without a declaration of war. They actually believe the armed police forces roaming our streets kept us safe from a terrorist attack on the 4th of July. Their pea sized brains are unable to process the fact that more people have died in bathtub accidents since 9/11 then have died at the hands of terrorists. They don’t question, think or care about future generations. They don’t understand the long term financial implications of a country with $200 trillion of unfunded liabilities. They don’t even understand the term liability. It’s almost enough to make a man go to the Boardwalk Chapel and pray for the souls of the ignorant masses.

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At least the merchants on the boardwalk are creative and retain a sense of humor. I’m sure some progressive politician from Washington D.C. would be offended by being told to grab a wiener. Or maybe in our new gay America, this joint would be celebrated by the LGBT community.

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Coincidence or not? You decide.

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Some boardwalk stores actually provide some hope. Teaching the masses on the boardwalk to disobey might take more than a shirt. I would estimate that 75% of the people strolling along the Wildwood boardwalk have never heard of Edward Snowden, let alone what he did. And of those who have heard of him, most buy the government storyline that he is a traitor. But 99.9% of these morons know the courageous story of Bruce Jenner’s transformation into a freak called Caitlyn. They are oblivious to the military industrial surveillance state they occupy. The militarization of local police forces doesn’t reach their radar screens. Miley Cyrus twerking videos are more important.

They have no worries about the fact that Obama and the captured corrupt politician snakes slithering around the halls of Congress have added $7.6 trillion to the national debt since 2009, a 75% increase in six years. They care not that their president uses drones to murder people in foreign countries. They think having troops in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya, and dozens of other countries around the world is keeping them safe. They are happily unaware that the American empire overthrows governments on a regular basis if they don’t do what we tell them to do.

It seems that everyone on the Wildwood boardwalk embraces the surveillance state. They all have tracking devices attached to their hands. Vacation used to mean leaving the office, disconnecting, relaxing, and recharging your batteries. With the proliferation of iGadgets, the masses have been trained by the Bernaysian propagandists to have the attention span of gnats. Rather than enjoying themselves on vacation, they have to prove to the world they are having fun. They “need” to check-in on Facebook. They must post selfies from the bar. They have to take a picture of their meal and tweet it to the world. The vacuous multitude are gloriously distracted from reality by their technological chains. The State is ecstatic, as the plebs wallow in bread and circuses (funnel cake & roller-coaster rides), and provide an electronic tracking signal for the NSA to exploit when necessary. The willfully ignorant masses will not disobey en-mass until they are no longer getting monthly government transfers, ATM machines stop spitting out $20 bills, and their credit cards come back declined.

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After observing for too long, I needed a break. We had one particularly enjoyable walk that we captured in a few pictures. As you walk down the boardwalk towards North Wildwood the rides and games fade into the distance. It gets quieter and less congested. When we reached the end of the boardwalk we decided to keep going for another 15 blocks to The Rocks at 2nd & JFK Boulevard. There was no one on the path with us. It became quiet and peaceful. The moon was full and reflecting on the rippling waves of the Atlantic Ocean.

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The sun was setting in the West providing an orange glow over the lighthouse and the bay in the distance.

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The scene couldn’t have been more breathtaking. No people. No technological distractions. No noise pollution. Just the sea, the wildlife, the sand dunes, and a shining orb in the sky.

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But then we had to walk back to reality. That is the dichotomy you experience in Wildwood. There is much to enjoy and savor, but it is overwhelmed by moron madness. I’ve come to believe that Aldous Huxley’s fears have been manifested on the boardwalk of Wildwood and across our entire nation. The masses don’t read books. We are inundated with so much useless information, we have been reduced to passivity and egotism. The truth is buried in a sea of irrelevance and our culture is based upon triviality. Our almost infinite desire for distractions and pleasure have produced a profoundly abnormal society. The ignorant masses are acting normally only in the context of living in a sick, demented, abnormal society.

“The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. “Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does.” They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society. Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted.” ? Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

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Seagate's picture

Awesome coverage. I've advertized on your site before. Wallet =mouth.

tickhound's picture

Yeah? "Well it's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Tom Servo's picture

Stopped reading after the generalization that all people with sleep apnea are fat, disgusting slobs.  I was questioning who was a bigger pretentious prick, this author, or that Kunstler bozo...

BoNeSxxx's picture

I question the intelligence of anyone who would spend their vacation anywhere in New Jersey... Or within 100 miles of a boardwalk anywhere.

A L I E N's picture


This article is a bunch of judgmental drivel that does more harm than good.

chumbawamba's picture

So you went on vacation and brought your politics and shit blog with you and as a result you had a bad time.  Boo hoo.

Fuck you Jim Quinn.

I am Chumbawamba.

Manthong's picture

Here’s a good one for y’all:

AP source: Fed's gun used in San Francisco pier slaying

This is proof positive that we need gun control..

to take them out of the hands of the government.

Waylon Bits's picture
Waylon Bits (not verified) Manthong Jul 7, 2015 11:59 PM

moron madness moron madness moron madness moron madness moron madness moron madness

TruxtonSpangler's picture

"White Pizza" ? How is this not rayciss?

Four chan's picture

i like how there are no groups of dindus looking like they are training for the knock out game or shooting someone in the back, america needs more of this not less. 

Canoe Driver's picture

Sorry, Jim, I generally like your work, but in this case:

1. Sell your place in Wildwood. It's been a laughing stock for decades.

2. Some of these poor people, of all races, are fully aware of their plight. Unfortunately, they have few alternatives.

3. You are not as white, rich and educated as you think you are. Not compared to some of us, who, inter alia, wouldn't be caught dead in Wildwood.

Carry on.


Bendromeda Strain's picture

Exactly - there were those oh so offensive fatties (the vapors!) every other time Clan Quinn has been there, and yet they keep going back. Have a large cup of STFU and remember "there by the grace" etc etc. You or yours could be disabled at any moment, son.

I was somewhat disposed to always check out a Burning Platform submission, but now it can Burn Down for all I care. Condescension without contribution is a waste of time. At least Denninger tries to bring some knowledge with his.

Keynesians say the darndest things's picture

As someone who identifies as a White Pizza i do find it racist

angel_of_joy's picture

What this author calls "Moron Madness" is just the new American normal. If you don't accept it, you should worry: you are this close to become a scapegoat... or a terrorist, or something.

Bokkenrijder's picture

Yup, what could be more depressing than one of those fake American towns, full of tourist traps, 'restaurants' with with only greasy sugary and artificially flavored food on the menu, and a little train with "Coca Cola" written on it?

Skateboarder's picture

That does not seem like a fun place for vacation. I would be pissed off too, if I made a bad choice like that. Quinn's got the blog, so he's venting on it. Wonder if he used a smartpoop to take those pictures.

cornflakesdisease's picture

Amen brother.  Where did they scrape this up from?  Probably a NSA plant.

RichardParker's picture

Long tattoo guns and tattoo needles.

rbg81's picture

I went to Wildwood, NJ once.  Never again.  Virginia Beach is far superior.

As bad as the Wildwood boardwalk zombies are, the people who wear a "I'm Ready for Hillary" button are 1000X worse.

daveO's picture

Holy Mother of....! I swore off Va. Beach 20 years ago, this past July 4th, because it was so bad. Yes, there were tattooed ho's back then, too. This author has my deepest sympathy regarding his shitty, over priced vacation. He should try September, provided no 'canes are comin'. Myrtle in Sept. is very nice. I'm sure Wildwood is too. 

rbg81's picture

Have you ever actually been to Wildwood?  The beach sand is just dirt.  At least there is real sand at VA beach.  And as "bad" as VA beach might be, I guarantee the human element is an order of magnitude better than Wildwood.

HardAssets's picture

Yes . . . It all sucks and this guy chose to spend his vacation there.

So who's the dumbazz ?

(Or weenie who let his wife & kids dictate where they would go)

Though I do agree with many of his points - - - the American people have been conditioned, over at least the last 100 years, - to the point where real freedom means nothing to them.

crisrose's picture

The only ones 'conditioned' are those who deserve to be enslaved.

de3de8's picture

My thoughts exactly

1033eruth's picture

How else are you going to observe the great unwashed unless you wallow in the trenches with them.  Do you question the intelligence of reporters that have gone to Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan, the killing fields of Cambodia?  Why of course you would.

Its called the immersion technique.  Or you can just immerse yourself on the internet but then you won't get the full flavor of Americanus boobus.   You certainly won't get any pictures if you don't do it in person.  

An analogy you "might" be able to understand.  Pretend he's a bird watcher.  Got it?   

oddjob's picture

Did you read it?.....he actually was watching pigeons.

BoNeSxxx's picture

Yea, did you read it?

He was on VACATION fucktard.  Immersion is what reporters do when they WORK.

1033eruth's picture

You've never heard of a working vacation?  You don't think its possible to combine both?  FUCKTARD?

BoNeSxxx's picture

You must be new around fight club... fucktard and fuckshite are terms you need to learn and learn to love.

Dane Bramage's picture

Needs moar mobility scooter!! 


Funny, I just got a ResMed S9 VPAP (ASV Mode), on the black market of course (f the .gov apnea/Rx monopoly!).  I'm not too butt-hurt over the generalization of the author.  ;-)

Tom Servo's picture

I just picture the pretentious prick author riding his 3 speed bike at 5 mph on the boardwalk as he judges everyone, LOL


cornflakesdisease's picture

And his look of shock when his doctor says that he has colon cancer and he's only 48 years old AND despite all his nutritional clap trap.

Croesus's picture

@ Tom Servo: 

While the article does have a judgmental tone, I think you (and many others) may be missing the point...that being, that most of these people he references are completely oblivious to the world around them. 

The "social media" crowd often likes to give off the appearance that their "life" is more than it really is - While being so concerned about self-image, vanity, "how cool we are"...they miss the fact that most of the REAL world around them, is going to shit. 

It's hard to not be judgmental, for me; I used to live in NJ, so I get what Quinn is saying about the daytrippers that invade the beach towns 100%. Where I live now, there are not only a LOT of stupid people, but like the people Quinn talks about "They CHOOSE to be ignorant, and are PROUD of it". 

Around here, a lot of people are quick to mention their involvement with Church. These same "religious" people, have no problem shitting all over other people 6 days out of the week, the idea being that "saying sorry to God on Sunday" makes it okay. 

I disagree with how the author characterizes some people - I know a few "fat" people who I count among my closest friends, and also know plenty of good-looking people who could have numerous judgments passed on them. 

mkkby's picture

How exactly does this asshole KNOW the people walking by him are ignorant?  Because of how they look?

If that is the case, I'd say he is the ignorant one.

Ace006's picture

>> Around here, a lot of people are quick to mention their involvement with Church. These same "religious" people, have no problem shitting all over other people 6 days out of the week, the idea being that "saying sorry to God on Sunday" makes it okay. <<

The hypocritical Christian idea is always a big seller.  Can you identify five such hypocrites whom you personally know who do as you describe?

Ward no. 6's picture

cRAZY but seems whatever corner i turn at work

there exists some 250-300 lbs over weight person.

they seem to be taking over the world


General Decline's picture

Visit Australia.  You don't see very many fat people there.  Why?

cornflakesdisease's picture

Yes, I was not impressed with the article either.  He simply judged everyone by a number of negative stereo-types with himself as lord emperor of the delta quadrent.  Pretty much divide and concour mindset and actually, very snobby.  Wont win any hearts and minds in my book.  I actually find many slim and trim health nut perfect folks vain, superficial, and immoral.  You know, headonists, obsessbed with me, myself, and I.  Guess what type of kids they raise?


Try writing an article that can unite people together in a good way or in some way help people. 





DisasterCapitalist's picture

I bet you have a tattoo or three.

Fidel Sarcastro's picture

"By 11:00 am the obese, tattooed, pierced, XXXL bathing suit wearing land whales have disconnected from their CPAP machines to hunt for donuts, soda and breakfast sandwiches."

LMFAO!  Exactly right - nearly everywhere in the USSA.

Obama LaForge's picture

Hey, laugh all you want. It's going to be the fat people that survive the economic winter, not the thin...

Freddie's picture

Not totally true.  If the sh*t really hits the fan then fatties will die first due to diabetes.  The Prepper Nurse had a video about it.  I used to like her but she is buddies on youtube with Prepper former Spec ops guy from Maine aka Maine Prepper who still loves Uncle Sam's BS and the is an NWO stooge.  My guess is he likes his pension.

Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I wonder if the average sick obese patient I see on 10+ meds ever contemplates these drugs are not manufactured in the USA anymore. You would think if you are totally dependent on these things, you'd be sure to be adequately supplied. Or contemplate changing your lifestyle?

Must be like everyone in cali not worried about the drought because the spigot always flows. I hope there are enough piano sized coffins in storage if the supply chains break down.


ImGumbydmmt's picture

I rarely downvote, but Maineprepper has a terminal degnerative brain condition due to a combat injury. He knows he has some issues and has taken down his own youtube chanels. If you could find someone who has the recordings of his E-novel, it would change your misconeptions about his views. The gentlemn is no NWO stooge and is a patriot to the US Constitution. His passing will be a great loss to America.

Perimetr's picture

This isn't an accident


It is a prerequisite for FASCISM

junction's picture

Standard demonization of the victims by Quinn, with no criticism of the government crime bosses who created this situation.  Glyphosate contaminated food, flouridated water, poor families split apart first by the Great Depression then by narcotic drugs starting in the 1960s on (bought in by government protected druglords).  So some people make bad choices concerning their attire, their body decorations (tattoos) and their eating habits.  At least they are going outside.  What about those people hooked on antidepressants who are afraid to go outside or those people in jail for the rest of their life in sunless cells serving the new normal jail sentence, decades in prison.  Or those veterans with PSTD who weren't human wreckage before Clinton, Obama and the Bushes decided to sell out the USA to Saudi Arabia.  Quinn, you are a arrogant spoil sport who can't see anyone different from you having fun.

Radical Marijuana's picture

"The ignorant masses are acting normally only in the context of living in a sick, demented, abnormal society."

The masses of people have done the best they could, for generation after generation, to adapt to living inside of a society which was controlled by the groups of people who were the best at being dishonest and backing that up with violence. The accumulating sickness and insanity of society is the result of each short-term increment of social successfulness being able to be based upon enforcing frauds, through integrated systems of legalized lies, backed by legalized violence. Over time, that automatically gets worse, faster, to the degree that any attempts to fix those problems usually backfire badly, to cause them to continue to still get worse, faster ...

The deeper problems are PROFOUND, since there are no ways to actually stop each short-term increment of what actually happens being controlled by those who are the best at dishonesty and violence. Rather, the only possibly realistic solutions are necessarily INTENSELY PARADOXICAL, inasmuch as there would have to be better systems of lies backed by violence, to actually change anything, since anything which was not better at dishonesty and violence would continue to be defeated by what was then best at doing that.

MORON MADNESS is the long-term result of the masses of people adapting to their lives being lived at the bottom of deep pits, inside of deeper pits, which were dug out by generation after generation living inside of various sorts of systems of slavery, based upon society being controlled by those who were best at backing up lies with violence. One of the ironic manifestations of MORON MADNESS is in the ways that authors like Jim Quinn superficially observe that, but do not engage in deeper analysis of how and why civilization is controlled by best applications of the methods of organized crime.

As Cognitive Dissonance has previously stated on Zero Hedge: "The absolute best controlled opposition is one that doesn't know they are controlled."

That applies to everyone, (including me too, of course.) However, I REPEAT, the two main ways that manifests are, FIRST, the degree to which social observers tend to not see the social facts that civilization is controlled by the best organized crimes, & SECOND, since they do not tend to engage in that deeper analysis of how and why civilization is controlled by the best organized crime, they even more fail to appreciate that the only genuine resolutions to the real problems would have to be better organized crime.

Gordon Freeman's picture

Note to Jim Quinn:  Get some fucking new material!!!!  You're the fucking moron...