This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Another Reason Why Stocks Are Surging

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Earlier we reported that the biggest catalyst for the overnight surge, first in China and then everywhere else, was China's last-ditch scramble to contain the market crash by literally threatening it would arrest anyone caught "maliciously" shorting/selling stocks.

As it turns out that was not the only catalyst why the Dow Jones is set to open 200 points higher (thus assuring no NYSE breaks today): another one came courtesy of everyone's favorite comedian, newsletter writer, and paper money "trader", Dennis Gartman.

In our own account here… our retirement account… we are as of the close of trading yesterday very, very marginally net short in  dollar terms and marginally net short in terms of “beta” for we remain long of “tanker” shares and we are long of steel, having exited our remaining position in a fracking related MLP yesterday and having moved those funds into tankers and steel.

 

AS always, as old dogs we prefer owning “the things that of dropped on your foot shall hurt” and we shall never, ever understand high-tech, nor big pharma and the like. We leave that to the “kids.” However as we’ve said hear countless times, we have derivatives in place that have our positions hedged and when we sold the remaining “Fracking” related position it reduced the “beta” of our portfolio and worked modestly to our advantage through the close of trading yesterday. It is working to our disadvantage this morning, obviously. We must stress here, however, that we are only marginally net short; certainly we are not materially so...

Don't think of it as $29.95 for a "newsletter", think of its as all the comedy you could possibly buy for one month.

 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:16 | 6289522 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

No one has ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:26 | 6289528 USisCorrupt
USisCorrupt's picture

The NUMBER 1 Retard of them ALL, Fartman.

 

LOSER!

 

 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:32 | 6289584 philipat
philipat's picture

"No one has ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the American people".

Sadly, that is a quote from Rupert Murdoch. And, even more sadly, he is right and these fuckers know exactly how to use it, especially via the MSM.

As for Gartman, I truly cannot imagine why anyone would continue to pay this person for his "Investment advice" after he has been exposed over and over agin to be a waste of space. Personally, I prefer to remain "pleasantly long" of my own money........."

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:38 | 6289640 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Tankers and steel..., he forgot coal.

(rare earths, anyone?)

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:14 | 6289814 Bilderberg Member
Bilderberg Member's picture

NEWMAN!!

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:23 | 6289860 weburke
weburke's picture

newman without the ability to spell or think ahead--fracking haha.      some great attack show here, some coordinated shots are epic looking.                          http://map.norsecorp.com/

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:41 | 6289645 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Fake markets that dovetails with fake money, creating a fake euphoria, that transitions into a very fake mind-set...

REALITY will then be outlawed as too harsh to bare... oh wait.....

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:58 | 6289733 Baa baa
Baa baa's picture

Cute usage of the word "bare".... Funny

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:40 | 6289650 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

I thought that it was a quote from P. T. Barnum.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:27 | 6289582 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

It is rallying because I just farted, again!

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:30 | 6289887 The.Harmless.Jew
The.Harmless.Jew's picture

 

 

 

He's a douche bag... 

 

Look at this: "However as we’ve said hear countless times"

 

HEAR? HEAR? This imbicile surely meant "HERE" - people pay for this shit?

 

 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:50 | 6290009 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

What's with all the typos? 

Was this written with a Spell-Assist, w/o having proof-read it?

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:45 | 6290330 InsanityIsWinning
InsanityIsWinning's picture

high fructose corn syrup is to blame. . . 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:20 | 6289533 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture
“The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth.”


H.L. Mencken

Explains why the Nobel Prize Winner is always the most admired man in this world in Gallup polls

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:27 | 6289586 USisCorrupt
USisCorrupt's picture

WAIT a minute !

 

Obama won the Nobel Prize did he not?

 

Enough said.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:39 | 6289648 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

This sounds like a good call to me.

I think the market most impact by a Chinese rush to cash and away from all credit period is credit.

No country has more debt than the USA...with little to no tax base behind it.

We'll see if Chicago does a Puerto Rico here or not.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:41 | 6289655 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The. USA is going to eliminate. 100,000 personnel imminently btw...

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:11 | 6289790 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

Zorg: "Fire one million..."

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:22 | 6289554 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Better contrary indicator than HilsenRat.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:22 | 6289555 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

what a turd

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:25 | 6289570 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I just might subscribe to his news letter just so I can take the contrarian bet. This guy is so awful, it seems ike the investment will be well worth it.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:00 | 6290072 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Fonz is a Trader or CFP, I believe.  I wonder how his career is doing since leaving ZH, and how he views things these days -- both from the theoretical/fundamental perspective, and the pragmatic perspective of actually making money to pay the bills.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:26 | 6289576 joseJimenez
joseJimenez's picture

A doze of reality can be a very bitter pill to swallow, significantly  so when one has pent most his live in a dreamworld

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:27 | 6289585 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

If he was any kind of threat saying to short stocks the S.E.C. would arrest him.

Gartman is a useful idiot though, therefore they put him on air.

Joe LaBologna of DeutschDrugMoneyLaundering Bank up next.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:55 | 6289720 Baa baa
Baa baa's picture

You mentioned the SEC and it got me to wonderin', how many Federal Agencies are there in the Federal Government? A reasonably thorough (not confined to internet) search has shown me that the U.S. Government does not have any idea how many agencies and programs exist under their umbrella.

Frankly, that scares the shit out of me!

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:08 | 6289778 MANvsMACHINE
Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:29 | 6289597 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

Fartman is easy $ baby ! I'm long the S&P today for sure !

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:30 | 6289603 mojojojo
mojojojo's picture

https://goo.gl/AgTCFE -  Bernie Sanders isn't going to save America, for that matter, neither is Rand, but I'd take Rand's medicine over Bernie's

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:32 | 6289611 Brazen Heist
Brazen Heist's picture

Stocks are surging because of false hope.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:35 | 6289631 philipat
philipat's picture

That's what Gartman and his ilk sell: Hope. Just like the Politicians, Hope and Change, followed by a Lieing corrupt fat dyke cunt.......And there are enough suckers out there.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:36 | 6289635 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

ALL OF YESTERDAYS LOSSES WILL BE WIPED OUT WITHIN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF TRADING.

 

HANG THESE FUCKING BANKERS ALREADY, LET ISIS TAKE CARE OF THEM, ALL OF THEM. AMERICAN, EUROPEAN, ASIAN, WHOMEVER, FUCK THEM ALL.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:44 | 6289666 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Might have rigged the wrong casino if the Black Flags come pouring forth.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:46 | 6289672 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

No way do I believe this guy does what he says....he'd have been completely broke 2 years ago.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:30 | 6289889 bonin006
bonin006's picture

His newsletter sales could cover his trading losses.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 20:38 | 6292860 gangstaculture
gangstaculture's picture

no he can actually afford to be wrong on every trade cuz so many fucktards still pay for his newsletter

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:55 | 6289703 eishund
eishund's picture

...

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 09:55 | 6289715 BoPeople
BoPeople's picture

Stocks are up at the open because price is managed and therefore a meaningless measurement of the company. Stock price management is apparently used for central policy planning, fraud and theft only.

There is no market.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:06 | 6290117 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

"There is no Market."

Not here, not in the EU, Japan, or... China.  China is playing both sides, and ALL only for its own benefit, IOW... Same As Always, in the last 3000 years.

So much for China being any kind of Beacon for genuine Capitalism, or of backing it's currency with Gold.  Like I said many times: China is merely playing to deal itself into its share at the SDR table of currency allocation. 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:02 | 6289749 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

I'd sooner entrust my money to Cartman than Gartman.

Seriously, this clown has made a career out of inaccurately predicting the past.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:07 | 6289769 q99x2
q99x2's picture

ZeroHedge you finally got Stopler to quit coming around here. Drag this bitch through the mud in a few more articles and we'll get rid of him too.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:14 | 6289812 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Repeating 'only marginally short' = you're entire retirement is now up against the FED.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:17 | 6289827 Tim Knight from...
Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture

Since it's evident English isn't Gartman's first language, what is? Lithuanian?

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:31 | 6289890 Two Theives and...
Two Theives and a Liar's picture

Gartman reminds me of the "Mush" character in the movie "A Bronx Tale" (great film btw).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PLSyFzk-6g

 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:42 | 6289971 BitchezGonnaBitch
BitchezGonnaBitch's picture

AS always, as old dogs we prefer owning “the things that of dropped on your foot shall hurt” and we shall never, ever understand high-tech, nor big pharma and the like. We leave that to the “kids.” 

Puked in my mouth a bit. What a guy. 

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 10:57 | 6290047 Spungo
Spungo's picture

If he says put it in his mouth, you ram it in his ass. Always fade what Gartman says.

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:35 | 6290278 cinderalle
cinderalle's picture

clown indeed, i wonder when they are going to pull the plug, we should brace ourselves coz the landing is going to be hard. somehow silver is sold-out in Germany, the stock market is really strange!

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 11:37 | 6290282 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Well worth the $400/yr - or whatever it is now - to fade his calls

 

"the things that if dropped on your foot shall hurt..." have hurt alot more than your foot, you bearded clown

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 16:26 | 6291857 autoritario35
autoritario35's picture

I've subscribed to Gartman Letter, but I pay $ 400 a month to read his good advice! How can I spend less?

Thu, 07/09/2015 - 20:36 | 6292846 gangstaculture
gangstaculture's picture

you can't. just keep paying that 400/month and make sure you follow his every trade. congratulations on your new subscription!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!