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It's Official: The Bar Can No Longer Be Lowered

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Via The New Yorker's Andy Borowitz,

A group of scholars who have been monitoring the descent of the bar over the past few decades have concluded that the bar can no longer be lowered, the scholars announced on Friday.

The academics, led by Professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, published their conclusion after their research definitively found that the bar had finally dropped to its lowest possible position.

“For those who thought the bar still had room to be lowered, our findings resoundingly contradict that assumption,” Logsdon said. “The bar is now essentially flush with the ground.”

Logsdon acknowledged that he and his fellow scholars have come under fire in the past for claiming that the bar could not be further lowered, specifically when they issued a paper to that effect after the selection of the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee in 2008.

“We got that one wrong,” he said. “Clearly, the bar still had a way to go.”

Now that the issue of whether the bar can be further lowered has been settled, Logsdon and his colleagues plan to examine the question of whether there is anything left to scrape at the bottom of the barrel. “Our findings are preliminary, but it appears that the answer is no,” he said.

*  *  *

 

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Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:55 | 6353770 Fukushima Fricassee
Fukushima Fricassee's picture

Well the shit licking queer Obama and all his supporters are some limbo dancing free shit army scum that's a fact. The bar is beneath the deepest ocean, power is inforced by the new facist....

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:00 | 6353827 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Why is Caitlin Jenner in there? Ohhhhh she's a transexual!!! OMGGGGGGGGG

Funny people get their panties in a knot over that, if there's a reason to dislike her there's much better ones. The fact she caused a fatal collision while driving negligently would be one.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:18 | 6353874 Looney
Looney's picture

Speakin’ of Bruce Jenner… All these transformations are for nothin’. He will never have sex as a man and he will never get fucked as a woman. He/she is what 65-66 now? ;-)

Looney

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:56 | 6353971 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

Speakin' of lowering the bar.  James Cameron the bravest pioneer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIC22gQfh6E

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:02 | 6353992 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

To think the bar can go no lower is really a failure of imagination. A one banana reolublic can always aspire for a second or third banana.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:07 | 6354017 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

Dude,

We are the banana plantation of the world.  Bananas r us

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:32 | 6354272 OC Sure
OC Sure's picture

“The bar is now essentially flush with the ground.”

 

Dirt grovelling is no floor for grovellers of dirt. So they will dig. 4000 miles to go until the core of the matter. 

 

This is only the end of the beginning, but no where near the beginning of the end.

 


Sat, 07/25/2015 - 22:01 | 6354644 weburke
weburke's picture

the onion?

that royal family sure has lousy members. 

we are stuck with them. 

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 00:23 | 6354933 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Bingo. As soon as the question, "how could it get any worse" is asked....things get worse.

Stop tempting goddamed fate

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:05 | 6354222 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

Very good point. Saying the "Bar can't be lowered" flies in the face of all history and precedent, even within living memory.  A true failure of imagination. I urge the authors to just stay tuned and watch that bar go under ground and the Zionists, fake liberals, insane end timer religious conservatives and a host of aggrieved minorities attack what is left of our former "Common Law Western European Social Order."  What built the modern world and raised us up to high civilization, our culture, is being gang attacked by every form  self hating white liberal and tens of millions of aggrieved minorites, all overseen by a corrupt liar government. And at the peak a 1% who has stolen it all and now wants the hides off of people backs to help the elites afford pent houses in the up scale New York RE markets.

The fucking greed and self importance of selfish and deluded whack jobs.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:43 | 6354446 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

Jack,

Truer words were never spoken.

Keep up the good work

Love the new avatar /hottie/

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:13 | 6354043 Breezy47
Breezy47's picture

Speaking of Caitlyn Jenner this video was just unearthed:

http://louderwithcrowder.com/unearthed-video-caitlyn-jenner-wins-the-197...

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 01:49 | 6355009 lost money
lost money's picture

calling jenner "her" proves you are a bought and paid for useful idiot. CONTRARIANS call it him and a looney tune. fall in line sheep refer the sack of XY chromosone as a "her" despite the scientific definition of a male being XY chromosones

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:16 | 6353870 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

The entire 20 seconds it took to read that was a complete waste of time.

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:37 | 6353919 FrankieGoesToHo...
FrankieGoesToHollywood's picture

This is your life ending, one article at a time.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:57 | 6353979 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Thankfully it's still just Two Minutes to Midnight, not one, or 30 seconds.  

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:09 | 6354023 kill switch
kill switch's picture

I think you need to say it this way....The bar is lower than whale shit. I think I fixed it...

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 23:17 | 6354803 JoWazzoo
JoWazzoo's picture

White Whale Shit.  There, better.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:48 | 6353780 Row Well Number 41
Row Well Number 41's picture

There's a bar?

#41

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:50 | 6353788 Stained Class
Stained Class's picture

2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd one ducked.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:53 | 6353800 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

The woman stood it up and did a dance...

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:55 | 6353807 PrayingMantis
PrayingMantis's picture

 

 

... a dyslexic walked into a bra ...

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:23 | 6353883 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

The lessdicksic man had no bar...

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:48 | 6353781 localsavage
localsavage's picture

If Hillary wins, they will have to start driving the bar into the ground and select a new means of measurment.  

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:56 | 6353813 Lumberjack
Lumberjack's picture
Exclusive: AFL-CIO may delay endorsement of Clinton as 2016 presidential candidate - sources

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/07/25/us-usa-election-aflcio-endorse...

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:28 | 6354100 Farqued Up
Farqued Up's picture

Hillary would have to stand on a bucket to kiss a snake's ass.

Jebbie Limp Dick would have to be furnished a bucket by Pappy.

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:49 | 6353787 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

It is now sub-bar.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:51 | 6353792 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

May all these political fucks very soon lie six feet under that bar.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:51 | 6353795 Haole
Haole's picture

Oh yes, it can.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:00 | 6353988 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

NIRP NIRP NIRP NIRP

(The sound Yellen's bionic fingers make when she CTRL-P's.   )

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:52 | 6353796 The Delicate Genius
The Delicate Genius's picture

Andy Borowitz is to comedy what Donald Trump...is to comedy.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:54 | 6353802 Arnold
Arnold's picture

I always liked the bar that that had the view of the pool.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086197/goofs

 

 

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:53 | 6353803 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Sure it can..... lower straight to Hell

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:54 | 6353806 realmoney2015
realmoney2015's picture

I have learned to never speak in absolutes. Of course the bar can go lower. Much, much lower.

There is something beneth rock bottom. I don't think we get out of this mess without finding out what's down there.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:04 | 6354000 Tallest Skil
Tallest Skil's picture

>>I have learned to never speak in absolutes.

I don't think you have. Otherwise you would say, "I have learned to sometimes speak in absolutes." ;)

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:22 | 6354085 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

I applaud your pedantry sir, in these dire times.   

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:55 | 6353808 lordbyroniv
lordbyroniv's picture

I actually like(d) Palin.

Seriously.

 

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:59 | 6353824 Automatic Choke
Automatic Choke's picture

Palin, like Reagan, seemed like a friendly and quirky .... folksy... type who would be a pleasant neighborhood butcher or similar vendor.  Neither was qualified to run a country, but they weren't unpleasant people.  Reagan, at least, had the qualification that he knew how to ACT presidential.  Perhaps that is all that is necessary in the long run.....

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:10 | 6353849 cpnscarlet
cpnscarlet's picture

You know, I would like to reply somewhat wisely, but it's Saturday...

Go f*** yourself dogsh*t asshat.

Reagan was a very good governor, a decent man, and a respectable president. Palin got browbeaten by the MSM because she was folksy and friendly, not some wind bag gender-neutral Hollywodd liberal scumbag.

If you're so flippin smart, who would be your pick for Pres now????

May you be ass-f'ed by a liberal journalist one day the same way Robert Bork was. How's that for a curse?

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:48 | 6353951 Automatic Choke
Automatic Choke's picture

 

such anger.  have you considered therapy?

 

i agree Reagan was a decent man.  His governership is debatable.  Do remember, please, that this whole fiasco of "cut taxes, balance the budget, and increase defense spending" started with him, which was the beginning of a very long slide down which we are still suffering from.

 

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:58 | 6353984 knukles
knukles's picture

Why do some people think Sarah would not have been a good president?
8 years of her v Obama.
BTW, it was Tina Fey on SNL spoke of seeing Russia from he kitchen wondow.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:04 | 6353998 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Sarah Palin was a dimwit thus she appealed to the dimwit masses. No offense.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:10 | 6354029 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

I'd still cum on her tits if she asked.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:28 | 6354062 booboo
booboo's picture

So you voted for Obama Bin Biden not once but twice? Brilliant! As far and dimwits, compared to the overall population a higher percentage of them or so called "dimwits" run small business, have a stable family life and graduate with engineering degrees. We play dumb to make you feel better and don't get all sandy pussy hurt and then take your money or what little the government gives you.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:32 | 6354121 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

Welcome to serfdom

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:10 | 6354241 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

I view anyone who voted for Obummer, as a threat to the human gene pool.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:45 | 6354453 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

Agreed,

Gimme Nation

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:46 | 6355586 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Didn't vote for him twice.

Unfortunately, he was presented as the only alternative to more of the same.

If you think the world is F'd up now, McCain/Palin-Romney/Ryan, in my opinion, would have been worse.

Unless you are very rich and or MIC employee.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 21:51 | 6354612 cpnscarlet
cpnscarlet's picture

Just two words from geometry class -

"Show proof".

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 23:30 | 6354830 JoWazzoo
JoWazzoo's picture

Hussein Obama is a far better American than Palin, eh?  Would you fuck Obama?  Didn't think so.  But I spose you voted for him?  Could 8 years of here been worse than Hussein?

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:53 | 6355542 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Not sure we would have lived through 8 more years of Bush/Cheney.

It is this sentiment that got Obama elected.

Palin anything would have been a continuation of the Bush/Cheney madness.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:47 | 6355592 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Fuckability has never been on my list of requirements for president.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:52 | 6355598 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Just for the record, I think Obama has been a shitty president.

Pretty sure the other candidates would have been too.

Even more so.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:19 | 6354387 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Knukles - Here's Sarah on Russia.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=iGSJCDw3ZBw

Tina Fey just extrapolated a bit.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 22:11 | 6354668 nosam
nosam's picture

Palin is an MK ultra mind control victim. Leave the poor lady alone.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 23:58 | 6354890 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Wow! Some people love their Tina Fey.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 21:49 | 6354608 cpnscarlet
cpnscarlet's picture

Like I said, it's Saturday. I always let my anger out for a stroll on the net on Saturday.

We can debate his time as governor...As for "cut taxes, increase defense..." he also had "promises" from Dems to cut domestic programs. Tip O'Niel made damn sure those promises were broken. He also signed some rather large tax increases in 1982 (TEFRA) whith more promises of spending cuts. Those didn't happen.

More than enough hands in that cookie jar.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:00 | 6354336 Sanity Bear
Sanity Bear's picture

I like my chicks to be incredibly naive too

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 16:57 | 6353817 Fun Facts
Fun Facts's picture

Mick Jagger for president.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:43 | 6354162 Uncle Sugar
Uncle Sugar's picture

He can't be president.  Wasn't born a citizen. 

 

Oh wait.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:03 | 6353834 cpnscarlet
cpnscarlet's picture

COMEX gold says the bar has further to fall.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:06 | 6353842 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I don't care if you all do think Trump is a joke, Clinton or Bush can NOT get in, ever again.

If Paul would pull his head out of his fucking ass and lay off stupid crap like abortion, oh never mind.

And don't say the bar can't be lowerd this country would vote in Kelly Bundy if she was running.  Oh wait, she is.  That's HIllary lol.  Personally I think the presidency is just a big prom queen contest to that whore.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:22 | 6353881 wendigo
wendigo's picture

So you think cutting people up while they'e still alive and selling their organs is a good thing? Cuz guess what kiddo, that's what abortion is. 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:43 | 6353937 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I want a Lamborghini.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 21:27 | 6354543 de3de8
de3de8's picture

I want a 488

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:07 | 6354012 knukles
knukles's picture

Talk about murder ....  They're OK with abortion but every kid deserves a chance and at the same time killing more innocent brown Muslim kids with drones every day than Bush did while His own kind aborts more kids in NYC than are born alive, but are against war and the death penalty.
Internal contradictuions, much?  No principles.  None whatso fucking ever.  Yippdie yaeh killiou!

           Liberalism and Progressivism are Mental Illnesses

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:17 | 6354060 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

They're okay with sending every fucking kid to college on goobermint loans even if they cant afford to pay them back to perpetuate the debt ponzi, fucking all taxpayers and parents of college aged kids in the process.

They dont care about kids.

They care about keeping the the system, which enriches them, going.

Whether that be selling black baby parts for profit or destroying the middle class.

Serfs R Us

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:06 | 6354009 Tallest Skil
Tallest Skil's picture

Thanks for coming out in support of murder. I'm sure that'll poll well with the sane people lobby.

Rand needs to drop all his neocon beliefs and be more like his father. The financial collapse in September ought to set him straight.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 21:59 | 6354636 Caleb Abell
Caleb Abell's picture

"And don't say the bar can't be lowerd this country would vote in Kelly Bundy if she was running.  Oh wait, she is.  That's HIllary lol."

 

Kelly Bundy? Actually, Hillary is more like Ted.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:55 | 6355612 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

These days, Kelly Bundy seems intelligent compared to what we are offered as candidates.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:06 | 6353846 logicalman
logicalman's picture

When you look at the level of ingenity keeping the fucked up financial system flying, you have to beieve that the same bastards will be equally creative in lowering the bar.

 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:23 | 6353890 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

What bar?

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:24 | 6353892 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

what is this bar you speak of?

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:31 | 6353907 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Same thing happened in Rome. I think it was from lead pipes back then. This time it must be from GMO.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:40 | 6353931 phaedrus1952
phaedrus1952's picture

Q99

 

Just started reading up on this Lily wave stuff. The fact it has been virtually unknown for the most part has started my spidey senses atwitchin'.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 01:33 | 6354995 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

A clue, please, as to what you're talking about?

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:46 | 6353909 Jorgen
Jorgen's picture

As an American citizen, how can you not like Donald Trump to become the President of the United States?

Donald Trump's Speech in Iowa, 7/25/2015 (video)

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:25 | 6354093 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

I like what The Donald has brought to the table.

Hillarity and non PC honesty.

Other than that, it's the typical politcal shitshow.

The show must go on.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 11:03 | 6355626 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Like him or not, Trump at least appears to have a handle on what white male voters want to hear.

The way our government has changed since 911, I'm not sure the president, elected by the people,

has nearly the power he used to have.

While it appears Obama is doing things, he is really a puppet, operated by strings.

Changing the puppet may create a different show, but the script is the same.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:49 | 6353954 Peter K
Peter K's picture

The bar actually hit the ground when the Bamster was elected.

W/r/t to the Donald, he is actually trying to raise it. But the establishment just wants to keep rolling in the mud.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:50 | 6353959 malek
malek's picture

Well they can issue another paper 8 years from now stating "We got that one wrong again"

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 17:55 | 6353966 Bay Area Guy
Bay Area Guy's picture

I'd argue the bar has been underground for at least 50 years based on the POTUS's we've had. It's gone undergrounder at an accelerated pace the last few years. With very rare exceptions, humanity in general and the citizenry of the U.S. has almost never failed to disappoint me.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:05 | 6354004 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

We still have president Commacho to look forward too.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:16 | 6354068 caustixoid
caustixoid's picture

A transgendered President Camacho, with secret service agents in drag, who watches live-sex reality TV on CNBS.  By then they'll move the bar to the Death Valley or a mine shaft...

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 01:36 | 6354998 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Death Valley really isn't that low, looking on the hillside at Badwater you can see sea level marked.

The bar is going to need fracking wells or deep, bottom of the ocean oil wells.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 11:04 | 6355630 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

China.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:14 | 6354028 Boomberg
Boomberg's picture

Rome fell from within but it took the so-called uncivilized northern tribes to wipe it off the map for good. Only reason the Vatican wasn't burned to the ground is because the good king Charlemagne said that's enough, please don't do that. The US has already fallen from within, just doesn't have any Huns or Goths around to put it out of its misery. The Mexicans aren't barbaric enough (yet), and the Canucks invade every Winter but retreat in the Spring and are too fucking nice. 

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:42 | 6354156 johnjkiii
johnjkiii's picture

The Huns now go by the name ISIS

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 21:25 | 6354540 Cornfedbloodstool
Cornfedbloodstool's picture

More like the Vandals. Can capture but cant hold.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:28 | 6354107 stocks up every...
stocks up everything else down's picture

If interest rates can go into negative territory, so can the bar.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 18:46 | 6354169 Ajax_USB_Port_R...
Ajax_USB_Port_Repair_Service_'s picture

No! No! EVERYONE is a scholar. EVERONE is special. Just ask a public school teacher. Gold stars for all!

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:11 | 6354246 Jack Burton
Jack Burton's picture

Caligual is alive and well and living in Washington DC somewhere. The stain of his perversions now pass for the "mass culture" sold to Americas by corporate greed trying to sell us shit we don't need and the mad zionists and their drive to rule the world or destroy it. Keep your eyes on the Zionists, they sneak under the radar when this shit goes down, but they are the one's running Washington, most Banks, most Major Corporations, Hollywood and media and they have a leg up in the CIA, NSA and Pentagon elites. Since 1950 they have wormed into every power center, and their agenda is to suck America dry in order to fuel Israel's expansion.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:28 | 6354266 Raul44
Raul44's picture

Its like a market, there is always "one more low" further than you think ;))).

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 19:39 | 6354287 homiegot
homiegot's picture

Just need one more thing: pedophilia. There's a bit more room I'm afraid.

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:35 | 6355554 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

That's so European.

Bombs away.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:08 | 6354357 Cold-Pragmatism
Cold-Pragmatism's picture

Golden Rule of the Bar:

The Bar Can Always Be Lowered More and Raised Higher More.

Sat, 07/25/2015 - 20:11 | 6354366 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

The bar can't be lowered?  Try this Vanity Fair cover:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3316321/posts

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 02:02 | 6355013 DutchBoy2015
DutchBoy2015's picture

Hillary Clinton Exposed, Movie She Banned From Theaters Full Movie

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mYW5nmS9ps

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 05:13 | 6355145 random999
random999's picture

Naaaaa!

Obama is only half way to President Camacho. There is still room for improvement! The bar can and will be lowered!

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 05:57 | 6355159 Bopper09
Bopper09's picture

I sometimes wonder if South Park is just a documentary of the American people

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXNFJ_XRX7A

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 09:18 | 6355366 d edwards
d edwards's picture

who gives a s#&t what a bunch of pompous elitist a holes from Minnesota think?

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:33 | 6355543 A Dollar Short
A Dollar Short's picture

Can't wait to see the big fight -

TRUMP vs BERNIE AND BIDEN, it's going to be a real show folks!

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 10:37 | 6355560 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

All vying for the title of "Worst President EVER".

Sun, 07/26/2015 - 14:40 | 6356249 Bitcoin Meiser
Bitcoin Meiser's picture

I'm watching an interview of a Japanese TEPCO executive on RT and he said that no one died as a result of the Fukushima Incident. Wow. People actually believe that. Now that shows that the bar is as low as it can go.

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