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Google Renames Itself "Alphabet", Stock Soars

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It’s long been difficult to catalogue everything that Google does, and apparently Google couldn’t keep up with anymore either because the company has unveiled a somewhat bizarre restructuring effort that will see "Google" become a wholly-owned subsidiary of a new holding company called "Alphabet."

Google directors will become Alphabet directors, Larry Page will be the holding company’s CEO, and Page’s deputy Sundar Pichai will now be CEO of Google. Alphabet will replace Google as the publicly traded entity, Google shares will become Alphabet shares, but the tickers will remain as is - or something. Here’s Bloomberg trying to put it in perspective

Google is adopting this structure in order to make clearer the difference between its main business and longer-term endeavors, as Page and Brin take on more strategic roles, while leaving operational management to trusted deputies.

Of course in today's market, all news is good news even if it's almost impossible to digest and evaluate, or maybe traders presume the move will be somehow "tax advantaged", but whatever the case, the stock is soaring in AH trading.

Here's the full statement from Google.. err.. Alphabet:

Google Announces Plans for New Operating Structure

August 10, 2015

G is for Google.

As Sergey and I wrote in the original founders letter 11 years ago, “Google is not a conventional company. We do not intend to become one.” As part of that, we also said that you could expect us to make “smaller bets in areas that might seem very speculative or even strange when compared to our current businesses.” From the start, we’ve always strived to do more, and to do important and meaningful things with the resources we have.

We did a lot of things that seemed crazy at the time. Many of those crazy things now have over a billion users, like Google Maps, YouTube, Chrome, and Android. And we haven’t stopped there. We are still trying to do things other people think are crazy but we are super excited about.

We’ve long believed that over time companies tend to get comfortable doing the same thing, just making incremental changes. But in the technology industry, where revolutionary ideas drive the next big growth areas, you need to be a bit uncomfortable to stay relevant.

Our company is operating well today, but we think we can make it cleaner and more accountable. So we are creating a new company, called Alphabet. I am really excited to be running Alphabet as CEO with help from my capable partner, Sergey, as President.

What is Alphabet? Alphabet is mostly a collection of companies. The largest of which, of course, is Google. This newer Google is a bit slimmed down, with the companies that are pretty far afield of our main internet products contained in Alphabet instead. What do we mean by far afield? Good examples are our health efforts: Life Sciences (that works on the glucose-sensing contact lens), and Calico (focused on longevity). Fundamentally, we believe this allows us more management scale, as we can run things independently that aren’t very related.

Alphabet is about businesses prospering through strong leaders and independence. In general, our model is to have a strong CEO who runs each business, with Sergey and me in service to them as needed. We will rigorously handle capital allocation and work to make sure each business is executing well. We'll also make sure we have a great CEO for each business, and we’ll determine their compensation. In addition, with this new structure we plan to implement segment reporting for our Q4 results, where Google financials will be provided separately than those for the rest of Alphabet businesses as a whole.

This new structure will allow us to keep tremendous focus on the extraordinary opportunities we have inside of Google. A key part of this is Sundar Pichai. Sundar has been saying the things I would have said (and sometimes better!) for quite some time now, and I’ve been tremendously enjoying our work together. He has really stepped up since October of last year, when he took on product and engineering responsibility for our internet businesses. Sergey and I have been super excited about his progress and dedication to the company. And it is clear to us and our board that it is time for Sundar to be CEO of Google. I feel very fortunate to have someone as talented as he is to run the slightly slimmed down Google and this frees up time for me to continue to scale our aspirations. I have been spending quite a bit of time with Sundar, helping him and the company in any way I can, and I will of course continue to do that. Google itself is also making all sorts of new products, and I know Sundar will always be focused on innovation—continuing to stretch boundaries. I know he deeply cares that we can continue to make big strides on our core mission to organize the world's information. Recent launches like Google Photos and Google Now using machine learning are amazing progress. Google also has some services that are run with their own identity, like YouTube. Susan is doing a great job as CEO, running a strong brand and driving incredible growth.

Sergey and I are seriously in the business of starting new things. Alphabet will also include our X lab, which incubates new efforts like Wing, our drone delivery effort. We are also stoked about growing our investment arms, Ventures and Capital, as part of this new structure.

Alphabet Inc. will replace Google Inc. as the publicly-traded entity and all shares of Google will automatically convert into the same number of shares of Alphabet, with all of the same rights. Google will become a wholly-owned subsidiary of Alphabet. Our two classes of shares will continue to trade on Nasdaq as GOOGL and GOOG.

For Sergey and me this is a very exciting new chapter in the life of Google—the birth of Alphabet. We liked the name Alphabet because it means a collection of letters that represent language, one of humanity's most important innovations, and is the core of how we index with Google search! We also like that it means alpha?bet (Alpha is investment return above benchmark), which we strive for! I should add that we are not intending for this to be a big consumer brand with related products—the whole point is that Alphabet companies should have independence and develop their own brands.

We are excited about...

  • Getting more ambitious things done.
  • Taking the long-term view.
  • Empowering great entrepreneurs and companies to flourish.
  • Investing at the scale of the opportunities and resources we see.
  • Improving the transparency and oversight of what we’re doing.
  • Making Google even better through greater focus.
  • And hopefully... as a result of all this, improving the lives of as many people as we can.
  • What could be better? No wonder we are excited to get to work with everyone in the Alphabet family. Don’t worry, we’re still getting used to the name too!
 

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Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:10 | 6411449 JC-BI
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:21 | 6411496 Publicus
Publicus's picture

Aspiring to become the ABC Mega Corp of sci-fi future. It'll be US only though, as US companies will soon be banned worldwide.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:21 | 6411507 BuddyEffed
BuddyEffed's picture

Since real growth is really hard to come by, I suspect the real reason for this is to provide shelter for profits and/or provide legal barriers.   Can anyone compare this to Braeburn Capital's role for Apple?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:36 | 6411557 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

Funny how the jooz control teevee, .gov, facebook, google, cell phones.... On and on, and on, and on.

Makes you wonder?

http://thegreateststorynevertold.tv/

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:41 | 6411575 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

They'll probably be allowed to Trademark the English alphabet so that they own all 26 letters and thus every combination any letters can be put into.  I'm sure that calculation goes nearly to infinity.

Then they can sue every human being who types or writes with Google's letters and everything written in any way past or present will become a copywrite violation.

Then everyone will be forced by Google Alphabet law to communicate everything through Google Voice or they'll be sued or arrested. 

Fuck...I hope I didn't just give those evil fuckers an idear right there...  ;-)

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:00 | 6411637 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

I guess we cant say JOOGLE anymore....but it dont change the fact that the Jews are planning on world domination, now via ALPHABET...with industries like Cars, Maps, Websearchs, Glasses, Robotics...they are still the same damn company. Guess a name change is worth 5% spike in a company that has a market cap of 450bn??? Hell, I will do a name change every other month. Its that easy to create 23bn in value out of thin air ?? Now they act like the fuckin jew controlled Federal Reserve? Fuckers are truly in desperation to try to expedite this process of amassing capital to fulfill their world domination.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:38 | 6411792 WayBehind
WayBehind's picture
Alphabet The act of using the alphabet to bring a woman considerable pleasure during cunnilingus.
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:58 | 6412086 localsavage
localsavage's picture

They should have gone wih Jewggle.  It would have doubled the stock price.

Tue, 08/11/2015 - 05:04 | 6412894 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

One Alphabet agency to rule them all...

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 20:00 | 6412094 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

NO NO NO...

They simply adopted the name that every OTHER .gov agency already IS; but kept it SIMPLE; An ALPHABET agency. YOU KNOW, NSA, CIA, DIA, FBI, DHS, DOE, and the like.

After it was leaked that Google had written the script that gave the ChiComs the ability to censor the internet on the Mainland, I started calling them GOOKLE. After they bought Jewtube, I called it Gookletube. I suppose Jewkletube is too difficult to figure out...

Tue, 08/11/2015 - 17:10 | 6415621 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

@AmishFinEng,

As soon as I heard Henrik Palmgren's opinion I knew it was good.

Excellent link!

Certainly dispells the lifetime of bullshit fed the masses.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:50 | 6411832 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

"tax advantaged" and Braeburn are totally bang on. Just like GE Capital and Gulf back in the day.

In the 1960's when the ineffective JFK "gogo" economy was strugging to beat and raise S&P to new alltime highs, US growth confidence started to backslide, led by manager purchasing. Amid that backdrop only 50 of the largest corporates who could buyback their stock agressively on dips which pulled the whole bull case higher. They were known as the nifty 50 to retail masses, and guys like Schwab & Vanguard pumped them endlessly. Nifty 50 funds, or 50+50 theme baskets were the only thing your advisor would suggest you buy. Investor books were built around how savvy conglomeration was, vs. the inefficent capital markets with 'conflicted' and 'nearsighted' managers.

Then, a few guys at Harvard and a few maverick fund managers started to notice the bredth of the rally was directly tied to buyback days, and figured out they could 'greenmail' these corps. As the greenmail became worse, leading to seller strikes on the buybacks, the conglomerates started to recognize manufactured growth via accounting games was at an end. Revenue margins from malinvestment were starting to surface and 3 major fund managers admonished the end of the conglomerate. One went on to speculate on currency, the other went to fight a debt arb, the final guy became a Queen.

Fast forward a few decades, and we see retail margin on the internet slowing. The internet of things is a electrical engineering impossibility due to bandwidth physics and dwindling purchasing power is bleeding into digital consumption patters of video games to impulse purchasing. Cloud is just a rehash of mainframe engineering, with all its glory and failswarms. Internet bandwidth was never designed for the instagram bloat, nor was server scalability. 

Seth Karlman nailed it, "private value" transactions are at the worst excesses since 1980. Regardless on what A16z will tweet daily, expansion multiples no longer can be justified and recent IPO activity vindicates the froth argument by the emergence of 'themantic investing' vs. actual fundamental diligence.

Soros was right in 1970, the excessive govt subsidization of the late 1960's would lead to nonsesical guidnace, excessive working capital leverage and a malinvestment overhang which would take decades to clear. The first shoe to drop is when those private valuations meet a cold blast of reality and the 58% year on year "decacorn" growth are more realistically 10 to 1% yoy. With eroding internals, and large churnover the only solution for these agents would be to rollup peers to backstop their own valuations. Hoping the accelerating 'decline curve' of productive ROE projects can be masked in ever more transaction frenzy. The Square/Twitter saga smells reminicent of a major stock drop, which ZH is starting to document closely. Sorry longbeard, someone needed to say this. 

Alphabet, Facebook, LinkedIn, Alibaba..... Uber? Their primary business lines are done. Stalling growth was the theme of 2014, 2H15 validated nearly all 2012 digital app innovation is dead, much like when Microsoft and Cisco hit the wall in the 90's. As soon as someone does the deep dive and can discern that an eyeball is still a fake metric, and half the internet sales points are fraud clickbait accounts, this thing is dunzo.

Alphabet, and their founders belive they can become the BRK/A of tech. Rightly so, when the whole world craters, things like Square will be selling for 10/100. But during these periods of extensive froth, most will never see the 'value capture'. And do not get sucked in when Sergi & Larry gloss over what is really going on with some folksy blog post while shuffling the deck chairs.

We already saw the "imperial circle" in network security/hardening of cyber networks happen over the 2010-2015 run, so the next step is the bottom chasing and then the debt hangover acceptance. And on that note, no rate hike will be a tacid admission the QE does not help, and the 1995 Japanese slide is all that awaits the US reserve dollar.

 

 

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:09 | 6411911 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Did you write this? Because if you did, I suggest you write more.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:52 | 6412066 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

Oh for Christ sakes. Do you lube up your hand before you stroke the dude who sits in the FBI cubicle RIGHT NEXT TO YOU?

Tue, 08/11/2015 - 08:10 | 6413161 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I rather doubt there are mental midgets in the FBI who could write that.

But you would know wouldn't you..

Please tell us...

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:51 | 6412065 Dutti
Dutti's picture

Excellent! Thank you.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:25 | 6411516 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Not in slave/service nations like India, whose yutes and upwardly mobile all want to go suck Google and other big multi-nat-corp dick.

@Buddy: totally correct in the Braeburn Capital analogy. It's a decoupling measure, and effective for any new company addition under umbrella corp.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:36 | 6411550 Master Toms Dog
Master Toms Dog's picture

Couldn't they have used Umbrella Corp as the actual name?  Like in the video game?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:50 | 6411620 BuddyEffed
BuddyEffed's picture

Skateboarder, thanks for the plug.   ZH people might want to follow the money as to how Alphabet is spec'ed out with jurisdicdtions, etc.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:38 | 6411572 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Ummm. . . so what?

The Big Four [Vanguard Group, State Street, FMR (Fidelity) LLC, and BlackRock] are the major investors of course, as is normally the case.

Trivia question:  What is unique about Dai-Ichi Insurance of Japan and GEICO of America?

Several of the few companies which aren't actually majority invested in by the Big Four (Dai-Ichi's majority investor is the Norwegian Sovereign Fund, or Norwegian government, while GEICO is either the Dubai Sovereign Wealth Fund or Abu Dhabi (assuming, of course, the Norwegian gov't and the Dubai gov't aren't majority invested in by the Big Four?).

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:22 | 6411501 BuddyEffed
BuddyEffed's picture

dup

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:21 | 6411506 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

H is for Horseshit, and F, Y, and G are for Fuck You Google.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:33 | 6411778 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Who put the FU in fun?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:00 | 6411866 JuliaS
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:11 | 6411458 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture
wow.. wtf 
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:26 | 6411536 nopalito
nopalito's picture

I read the headline and thought this was another article from The Onion.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:37 | 6411567 negative rates
negative rates's picture

How's like Robbie the Rabbi?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:38 | 6411568 junction
junction's picture

So, Google is following Microsoft's example, appoint an Indian-American and then lay off everybody that you can.  The only surprise is that Patel was not the last name of the person they hired. 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:53 | 6411635 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I laugh every time I pass by Patelco Credit Union. Apparently they'll alright lol.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:55 | 6411850 ZD1
ZD1's picture

Patelco was formerly known as Pacific Telephone Credit Union back in the day.  It's one of the oldest credit unions in the west. 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:36 | 6411787 algol_dog
algol_dog's picture

I'm confused - what symbol do I use to short now?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:17 | 6411939 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Instead of having a myraid of alphabet agencies we're going to have "The Alphabet Agency". Pure genius!

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 21:16 | 6412306 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

no doubt alphabet will quickly develop an app which will easily let us know the exact count of GMO's & fuku quota with every item we hold up to the handy dandy phone therein doing a real service for health and long life.  ty so f***king much. 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:12 | 6411451 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture
Rimm changing its name did wonders for it's stock price.. -90%
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:51 | 6411558 Master Toms Dog
Master Toms Dog's picture

I've heard humans mention "RIMM Job" -- now I realize what that means.  Thanks!!  <wag>

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:13 | 6411455 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

Does this give them the go-ahead to "do evil"?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:14 | 6411467 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Motto or not it hasn't stopped them before.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:36 | 6411474 Palladin
Palladin's picture

 

 

They might have got their inspiration from this.....

Then he went off sniffing drainpipes.

And reciting the alphabet.

Bob Dylan - 1965

================================================

So now instead of saying "I Googled that"

you can now say "I Alphabeted that"

I'm sure everybody will adapt the new phrase immediately.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:45 | 6411818 Montani Semper ...
Montani Semper Liberi's picture

We Alphabeted some folks.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:58 | 6412088 slyhill
slyhill's picture

Not sure why, but I chuckle every time.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:15 | 6411476 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

do you see what happens larry?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:44 | 6411601 Short Change
Short Change's picture

When you fuck a stranger in the ass?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:22 | 6411644 Seeing Red
Seeing Red's picture

Given your VERY apt moniker, I think you know.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:00 | 6411659 bamawatson
bamawatson's picture

short change: i think the answer is ; you create a hippy

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:17 | 6411486 Consuelo
Consuelo's picture
  • Getting more ambitious things done.   Like Spying.
  • Taking the long-term view.  On Spying.
  • Empowering great entrepreneurs and companies to flourish.  Whilst Spying.
  • Investing at the scale of the opportunities and resources we see.   In, on and around, Spying.
  • Improving the transparency and oversight of what we’re doing.   Spying is transparent, yes.
  • Making Google even better through greater focus.  And even Greater Spying.
  • And hopefully... as a result of all this, improving the lives of as many people as we can.   In the service of Spying.
  • What could be better? No wonder we are excited to get to work with everyone in the Alphabet family. Don’t worry, we’re still getting used to the name too!    And you'll still be an NSA/CIA creation, and still SPYING.

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:18 | 6411489 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Should have renamed it Duck Soup.  More Calipornia gibberish is a sure sign they have no clue what they are doing.

Bait and Switch ad revenue plunging is it , Bunkies?

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:32 | 6411552 atomicwasted
atomicwasted's picture

Jealous much of our dynamic economy and 0% unemployment?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:36 | 6411564 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

"More Calipornia gibberish is a sure sign they have no clue what they are doing."

I wonder if there is a "bad bank" or two in there to bankrupt?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:45 | 6411606 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

What a suspicious mind you have Ms.,

  and probably right on target.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:18 | 6411490 sleigher
sleigher's picture

Alphabet (agencies?)

hmmm

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:26 | 6411531 Consuelo
Consuelo's picture

Yep, cause that there's the petri dish in which they were created in the first place.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 21:41 | 6412372 jcdenton
jcdenton's picture

Well, goOgle is actually a terrorist org:

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2013/04/10/google-beyond-the-cia-insurgency...

If you suffer from cognitive dissonance, please don't bother ..

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:20 | 6411497 Sophist Economicus
Sophist Economicus's picture

Maybe the algos really think Google now owns THE Alphabet!

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:31 | 6411548 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

hey apple corp invented the rectangle with rounded corners so why not?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:45 | 6411597 knukles
knukles's picture

Kinda like just a little pregnant.
I mean, seriously.  Are they really serious?  No, come on,  they're kidding us, ain't they?
Honestly.

         I'm having all sorts of thoughts that would get me in serious trouble with Tyler were I to lave them here.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:05 | 6411677 adr
adr's picture

You know knuckles, it's days like this that really want me to go postal. This insanity needs to stop, but they made it a crime to say what needs to be said.

I should be allowed to say anything I want, wherever I want. Other than yelling bomb in a crowed theater.

But on an internet forum, anything and everything should not only be allowed but encouraged. If something offends you, who gives a shit. Read it and move on.

I had one warning before. I spoke an undeniable truth and was told to be careful and tread lightly. Backing up what you say with true facts still can get you in trouble. That should never happen.

What Google just did and the resulting stock surge should result with a permanent ban and delisting. I really hope the end is near for this market. I can't take any more.

It is the Hillary market, "What difference does it make?" Well in a just and honest society, a whole lot.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:20 | 6411498 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

It work for Bruce, um, Cait.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:21 | 6411502 TuPhat
TuPhat's picture

What a name, Alphabet.  We already call the various gov agencies Alphabet soup so I guess this is a fitting name.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:22 | 6411510 Pseudonymous
Pseudonymous's picture

So, they decided to make their relationship with the alphabet soup official and prominent by calling themselves like that?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:24 | 6411515 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Alphabet for analphabets who just use Apple.

There is a guy in town who says the future is about algos run on vision. Cyborg and artificial intelligence that is led by eyesight. What my eye sees my heart desires!

The software is automatically programmed by telepathy based on occult command and control systems. 

That'll make alphabet a language of the past. 

Me Tarzan you Jane at the fall of an eyelid. 

Try n Google that! 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:33 | 6411556 atomicwasted
atomicwasted's picture

what

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:24 | 6411519 Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward's picture

The renaming of the company should greatly improve its performance- thus the big rally in the stock price.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:24 | 6411521 jbv629
jbv629's picture

"Susan is doing a great job as CEO..." Who is Susan??? Alphabet can't get their letters right.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:24 | 6411522 scatha
scatha's picture

DO YOU KNOW YOUR ALPHABET? GOOGLE IS NO MORE?

 

The Google megalomania to enslave us from cradle to grave or from A to Z hit the ceiling. Now they are in good old Ponzi territory after disrupting former BS that brought them Wall Street worshipers of greed to sell more stocks of new holding company in old tradition of financial trusts scheme circa 1929. What do they know?

To summrize:

Those psychotic, cash bloated, inbred retards and Wall Street perverts, in their wet Ponzi dream are fornicating with those mentally challenged Silicon Valley megalomaniacs, squirting “green” feces off their rotten minds onto faces of hard working US taxpayers, during their cerebral herpes induced seizures of sick imagination, calling it creative disruption. And loving it.

To Goggle or not to Goggle is no longer a question it is an order.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:27 | 6411541 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

Baphomet, inc

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:31 | 6411547 B2u
B2u's picture

Which alphabet?  Spanish is the language of California.  Ah, bay, cey, day, a....

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:38 | 6411565 stant
stant's picture

GoogleIA or how about uppityspook

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:37 | 6411570 Racer
Racer's picture

What? I thought ZH was doing a 1st April joke, then I did a double take on the date just to make sure

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:19 | 6411725 no1ninja
no1ninja's picture

It's april fools day around here all year.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:42 | 6411582 knukles
knukles's picture

I tried to change my name during my last blackout, I was told.  My stock did not rise.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:44 | 6411598 GRDguy
GRDguy's picture

Google, through all its mergers and acquisitions, has become the Alphabet plantation. Its absentee masters are in full control, with its executive agents seeing that the orders are carried out.  Sad that it ended up this way.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:44 | 6411603 Z_End
Z_End's picture

Yawn... they will never be this... https://www.weylandindustries.com

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:45 | 6411605 ghostofgo
ghostofgo's picture

They are delusional.  They have long since stopped innovating in search.  Eventually people will wake up and realize that Google just dishes out spam.  For an ever increasing number of searches, Google is completely useless. 

These clowns were in the right place at the right time and now they think that it will last forever.  It won't. 

 

They are just like their idiot buddy Elon Musk.  He made a bundle with paypal and got it into his brain that he could send up rockets and revolutionize cars.  His rockets crash and his cars catch fire and loose 4k each. 

 

Is there any billionaire that doesn't think he is a genius?  Even if there is, he is not in Silicon Valley.

 

They have been phoning it in for a long time now.  They are working on their other projects because they have ZERO NEW IDEAS FOR THEIR SPAM SITE.

 

GOOGLE = TEN LINKS TO EBAY + TEN LINKS TO ABOUT.COM + TEN LINKS TO TRIP ADVISOR

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:00 | 6411662 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

They're an advertising company which burns cash on pet projects and hides the losses and uses tax havens shoulding costs on the community.

The two founders hold all voting rights. No buyouts ever possible.

 

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:11 | 6411687 no1ninja
no1ninja's picture

Says the guy posting in his underwear from mom's basement.

 

 "Those google guys are such idiots.  I could of gotten a hot tub time machine and invented it myself...  but for now let me go troll ZH and call the biggest companies in the world stupid."

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:24 | 6411739 ghostofgo
ghostofgo's picture

If they are so smart, if there wasn't a lot of luck in the success of Google (not to mention support from the spy agencies), then why have ALL of their other projects FAILED?

Hubris is tragic.

Hubris of Stanford EE majors is farce.

 

 

 

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:11 | 6411692 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

They were never about search.

It's been a ZIA op from the get go about tracking.

And other much more devious plans regarding the creating of human reality.

Stay tuned.

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:28 | 6411972 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

goodgopher gets gooder results.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:48 | 6411616 Spungo
Spungo's picture

This seems really suspicious. Companies generally rename themselves either:
1) After they've destroyed the reputation of their old name (Diebold, Blackwater), or
2) Intend to destory the reputation of their new name. 

If I had to blindly guess with no facts to back me up, I would say this new Alphabet company will be involved in some seriously evil shit. Google can keep its name as a benevolent company that gives away free stuff like email, and the parent company can start manufacturing cigarettes and nuclear weapons.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:49 | 6411617 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... was Skynet already taken?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:14 | 6411701 no1ninja
no1ninja's picture

Yes, someone went back in time and registered it. 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:50 | 6411623 affirmed_78
affirmed_78's picture

Now if only every company would copy this move, my index funds would be up 5% tomorrow!

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:51 | 6411628 adr
adr's picture

Is this really for fucking real?

Where the FUCK am I?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:41 | 6411804 jamochavez
jamochavez's picture

I am with you--at this point either I am crazy or the rest of the world is--it is one or the other

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 17:55 | 6411641 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

Google's social contract was "Do no harm".

The people have been harmed, execute the deceivers.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:08 | 6411676 highwaytoserfdom
highwaytoserfdom's picture

Class action time for 4th amendment criminal spying.....    Heck the  USSA  got 500m from NSA  Gargoyle for advertising Canadian  drugs  before Part D.....   grotesque carved piece of free speech police state  fecal coli.       Throw a worm on that Icult gang while we are at it.. 

Irony is why NSA/Gargoyle/Darpa got users was no advertising on front page..      Oh Well  FaceFarce is scanning my post for pre crime thought......   

 

Hey is ASSBelowTheBelt intellectual  property in Ireland and doing a double dutch tax scam.  

Shut up conspiracy guy   Hayden, Trump, Hitlery, Carley  and Fat Boy  keeping us safe from information...   use to be known as "book burning"  

hey Gargoyle

open source  a fat middle finger..

 

do good 

USSA USSA USSA USSA

"Sweet Caroline" "Sweet Caroline"

 


Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:10 | 6411688 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

+12 Nice. MsBehavin she aint got nothin on you.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:13 | 6411698 no1ninja
no1ninja's picture

Someone could make a lot of money selling virtual pitch forks at Zero Hedge. 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:24 | 6411740 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

I wonder what happens to the employment standards in those seperated units. Judging from the surge of the share price on the news nothing good.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:36 | 6411785 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

I thought this was a prank article.

 

Nope, it's for real.  MOAR FULL RETARD!!!

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:56 | 6411858 BurningBetty
BurningBetty's picture

Why are people posting negative things about this? They are expanding their business model and strategically restructuring things so they can stay innovative. I don't see why this should be interpreted as negative?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:23 | 6411951 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

They are implementing a tax dodge and attempting to skirt the EU anti-trust mess they're in.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:02 | 6411879 nakki
nakki's picture
  • Getting more ambitious things done.
  • Taking the long-term view.
  • Empowering great entrepreneurs and companies to flourish.
  • Investing at the scale of the opportunities and resources we see.
  • Improving the transparency and oversight of what we’re doing.
  • Making Google even better through greater focus.
  • And hopefully... as a result of all this, improving the lives of as many people as we can.
  • What could be better? No wonder we are excited to get to work with everyone in the Alphabet family. Don’t worry, we’re still getting used to the name too!

Lots of words that mean absolutely nothing. 

Can't believe synergies wasn't thrown in there.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:31 | 6411982 L Bean
L Bean's picture

So, they were an alphabet agency all the time!

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:47 | 6412050 Shibumi2
Shibumi2's picture

fuck those people...fuck em

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 19:50 | 6412061 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

This is in their self-image and analysis a way to extend the tentacles, while attempting to keep under control the public's perception of an out-of-control google brand.

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 20:04 | 6412112 malek
malek's picture

Looks like Google learned from Microsoft...

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 20:27 | 6412179 Bárðarbunga
Bárðarbunga's picture

Domain Name: ALPHABET.COM
Registrar: ASCIO TECHNOLOGIES, INC. DANMARK

 

Hey good going einsteins. Can't even secure a domain name before changing your company name. I thought the all-powerful google gods owned the interwebs. Guess you guys will have to settle for wish-i-was-alphabet.com

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 22:36 | 6412530 Palladin
Palladin's picture

They opted for something even more stupid.

Here's their answer to not being able to be alphabet.com.

It's, are you ready?

Drum roll please .....

https://abc.xyz/

This is all just too weird

 

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 23:50 | 6412698 bluskyes
bluskyes's picture

most people just put the domain name into the search bar. Google can redirect that for them.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 20:27 | 6412180 Why.Not.
Why.Not.'s picture

Wow! Google invented the holding company, and stock soared!! This is most impressive, along with the "insignificant" fringe benefit of burying all the really crazy stuff deep inside some opaque corporate reporting system.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 21:41 | 6412379 crazybob369
crazybob369's picture

Let me Alphabet that. No, sorry. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 22:42 | 6412557 Palladin
Palladin's picture

I wonder if these guys will have to change their name too?

www.lmgtfy.com

I checked and LMATFY.COM is already taken.

And I wonder if was registered recently or maybe it just stands for something else. Bet the guy can ask a pretty penny for that domain tomorrow.

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 22:10 | 6412458 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

Just short for Alphabet Soup Agencies?

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 22:56 | 6412581 Deathstar
Deathstar's picture

Google, Alphabet, Joogle, Skynet

What the fuck does it matter?

Throw the kikes out before the point of no return...

It won't happen because of the kike invention/concept called "Political Correctness"

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 23:05 | 6412604 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Fuck them! I use Bing.

Tue, 08/11/2015 - 00:23 | 6412756 KingOfMilwaukee
KingOfMilwaukee's picture

I smell Warren Buffett!!!!

This is exactly... exactly.. how Berkshire Hathaway is run. I bet they talked to him about this. Would bet money on it.

Tue, 08/11/2015 - 01:24 | 6412837 onmail
onmail's picture

funded by washington aka USSA govt ads or rather thru NSA

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