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Airline Begins Weighing Passengers, Will 'Exclude' Heavy Flyers

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In 2013, Samoan Air became the world's first airline to charge passengers according to their their weight. Now, two years later, Uzbekistan Airways has gone one further than the pay-by-weight model. The Tashkent-based airline has installed special weighing machines in the departure gate zones to weigh people and their hand luggage, noting that some overweight people could be excluded from busy flights on smaller planes if limits are exceeded.

 

As The Daily Mail reports,

Passengers will be put in three categories - men, women and children - and the company, who are based in Tashkent, have promised not to reveal the weight of individual passengers.

Of course, its for your own safety...

The company said they needed to know the weights of both people and their luggage because it was important, especially with smaller planes.

 

In a statement they said: 'Uzbekistan Airways airline is carrying out the procedure of pre-flight weighing in order to determine the average weight of passengers with hand luggage.

 

'According to the laws of the International Air Transport Association, airlines are obliged to carry out regular procedures of pre-flight control such as weighing passengers with hand luggage in order to observe the requirements for ensuring flight safety.

 

'After passing check-in on a flight and prior to boarding into the aircraft, we will ask you to pass the weighing procedure with a special weighing machine placed in the departure gate zone.

 

'The weighing record will only contain the corresponding passenger category (i.e. male/ female/ children). As for the rest, the full confidentiality of results is guaranteed.

 

'We appreciate your assistance and thank you in advance for the help in the solution of our common task of flight safety.'

This is not the first time an airline has instituted the pay-as-you-weigh model, but Uzbekistan's plan to exclude heavier passengers is an escalation... (as CNN reports)

"The next step is for the industry to make those sort of changes and recognize that, 'Hey, we are not all 72 kilograms [about 160 pounds] anymore and we don't all fit into a standard seat,'" Chris Langton, Samoa Air chief executive told CNN in 2013.

 

"What makes airplanes work is weight. We are not selling seats, we are selling weight."

The airline's motto?

"A kilo is a kilo is a kilo!"

Of course, the truly sad thing about the airliness need to do this is the 'growing' gurth of a global population spoiled by fake wealth.

*  *  *

Of course, there is always alternative travel methods...

 

*  *  *

Finally. there is this... (via The Guardian)

A man is suing an airline, claiming he injured his back after sitting next to an obese man who coughed a lot.

 

James Andres Bassos has taken Etihad Airways to court in Queensland, Australia, saying he was forced to twist and contort his body for long periods on a flight in 2011 from Sydney to Dubai.

 

Bassos’s district court claim states the “grossly overweight” passenger was spilling into his seat, coughing frequently and had fluid coming from his mouth.

 

After five hours he asked to be moved but airline staff allegedly refused. Half an hour later, Bassos complained again and he was moved to a crew seat.

 

However, he had to return to his seat next to the man later for another hour, and again for the final 90 minutes of the flight for security reasons, according to court documents.

 

Bassos is claiming damages for personal injuries, saying that being forced to twist his body for such a long time to avoid contact with the other passenger gave him a back injury and exacerbated an existing back condition.

Seriously...

 

 

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Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:21 | 6429795 Platinum
Platinum's picture

I'm sure a few HAES "activists" (they don't look that active) are already expressing their rage - in between pints of Ben & Jerry's.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:30 | 6429821 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Yeah, they'll be suing. I understand they have retained the law firm of Haagen & Dazs.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:32 | 6429829 Looney
Looney's picture

If people’s luggage is being weighed, why can’t their asses?  ;-)

Looney

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:44 | 6429844 knukles
knukles's picture

Last time the Knukles family was flying home from a Hawaii vacation we saw a group of Samoan folks getting ready to board a flight back to Samoa
Seriously folks, I'd never seen a whole bunch of 'em before and they're really really really BIG 
Any more of 'em and the island'll tip over.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:48 | 6429878 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Yeah, Samoans tend to be rather large and some of them are so strong it's stupid.  

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psGpSuwpUu4

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:58 | 6429901 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

I think airlines should measure how wide your ass is and charge accordingly. Kinda like by the linear foot.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:07 | 6429918 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

Tony Rocky Horror lost all his Samoa privileges.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:49 | 6430215 Nostradumbass
Nostradumbass's picture

Are all the downvotes for the previous comments due to FAT finger?

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 01:48 | 6431013 Santini Air
Santini Air's picture

Yet another great reason to become virtualized.  Virtualized personas (VPALs) do not weigh anything and exist in silicon only, can be transfered anywhere immediately.  So no reason to even board P-Planes.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:56 | 6431081 macholatte
macholatte's picture

 

 

 

Years ago I was on a Southwest Air flight that had seats facing each other. Across from me was a really skinny guy sandwiched between two really fat women. The women had to have seat belt extenders and the skinny guy was too timid to complain. He was literally squashed between them.

 

True Story.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:13 | 6429911 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

I once knew a Samoan bricklayer who could throw and stack perfecly, full size cement blocks three scaffolds high from the ground. He hit me in the chest once playing around and not kidding, both my shoulder joints hit the sides of his wrists and I am broad shouldered. My sternum hurt for 2 months after. Crazy APE.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:26 | 6430153 Arnold
Arnold's picture

There is  no offense meant against any person.

but you make us deny knowledge and observation you are fucked.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:15 | 6430124 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

There are 67, count'em, 67 (last I heard) Polynesians in the NFL.  You can do the math on that one.  They are by far, per/capital the best combination of size/strength/speed on the planet.  No other subset of humans comes anywhere close.

Unfortuantely, the big guys are leaving the islands and marrying mainlander diva's, so the gene pool is getting diluted.

Now...for the weigh your butt on the airplane...it is about damn time.  However, it's no consolation to regular folks that the uber fatties have to pay more unless those who have to sit by them spilling over into our paid for space actually receive a discount equal to their premium.

I have an idea.  Weigh everyone....and load the plane by weight with the fatties loading first and all sitting in the back together.  

You know what's really funny....nothing is more unacceptable to an uber fatty, than having to sit next to an uber fatty on a plane.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:29 | 6430158 Arnold
Arnold's picture

Weight and balance is pretty basic to things that were not meant to leave the solid ground.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 23:03 | 6430729 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Put them all in the back and the plane would never make it off the ground......

 

Some planes are particularly sensitive to weight distribution (e.g. most Aeroflot planes back in the Soviet Union's prime....)

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:10 | 6431042 dark_matter
dark_matter's picture

I flew today. The woman next to me was so big the arm rest couldn't go all the way down. Yea, she should have had to pay extra.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:13 | 6430284 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

if you're from American Samoa your chances of playing in the NFL are 56x greater than that of the average US male... there's a reason for that as you've shown... I'll just leave this here for further evidence...

https://youtu.be/6Y6kog5RJKY

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:49 | 6430528 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Well the girl scout cookies are so delicious.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:41 | 6429856 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Why don't the assholes who run the airlines stop squeezing passengers into smaller and smaller spaces? I'm 6'3" and cannot fit into 2/3s of the airline seats today.  I have to pay for first class. For a 3% gain in revenues the airline execs have created horrible flying experiences for the passengers.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:02 | 6429914 kareninca
kareninca's picture

+1000.

I'm 5'4" and not overweight, and the seats seem horribly small!!!!  How tall people fit I can't imagine.

Soon we'll all be buying an extra seat, not just heavy people.  Bash the fat people at your peril; the airlines think we're all too fat and too tall.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:29 | 6430160 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I have a lot of time in the sky on many airlines,,

..been around the world a few times.

I am a million mile flyer on one airline.

I have not been near an airport or airplane for 3 years.

..don’t miss it and do not care to be back for the abuse.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:26 | 6430323 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Same here. Haven't flown since 2004. Don't miss it either.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:10 | 6429930 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

Per the article linked below, since 1985, coach seats have seen their roominess decrease up to 3 INCHES per seat, and the amount of pitch decrease by the same amount, depending on the airline.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/columnist/mcgee/2014/09/24/airplane...

Simply put, the roomiest economy seats you can book on the nation's four largest airlines are narrower than the tightest economy seats offered in the 1990s. The worst seats today measure either 17 or 17.2 inches, when about 19 was as tight as it got through the 1990s. In fact, even the widest seats for sale in economy today—from 17 to 18.5 inches —would not have been offered several years ago. For comparison, up in the front of the cabin, premium class seating on the Big Three usually measures 21 inches.

Meanwhile, demographics are moving in the wrong direction. In 2002, CRTL quoted a British ergonomics firm that provided data on human hip sizes worldwide. The result? Yep, the United States ranked first (20.6 inches), ahead of Germany (19.6), Britain (19.1), France (17.2), Japan (15.9) and China (15.6). It seems safe to say such averages have only increased over the last dozen years.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:49 | 6430531 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

and you know what's even more bothersome....if you fly Asiana, Korean Air, China Air, they actually seem to have more leg room even though their average passenger is conserably smaller.  But guess what...it's not legal for them to compete with the American airlines on domestic routes..because, if they were allowed to, they would DESTROY American an United.....let's not even mention their service is EXPONENTIALLY better than the American airlines..........and yes, they do discriminate with flight attendants.  The old hags with an attitude on United would NOT have a job on any Asian airline.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:20 | 6430453 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Little guys should fly cheap!

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:36 | 6430172 Macon Richardson
Macon Richardson's picture

Pints?  Pints? More like gallons and gallons.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 01:36 | 6430987 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

"Samoan Air became the world's first airline to charge passengers according to their their weight."

Seriously, does anyone know any Samoan's?

These are incredibly HUGE people.  They are tall and massive on a degree that is at level Awesome.  And they're usually NOT obese.  They're just monstrously large humans.  And they are attractive, not that they're grossly fat or anything, they are just physically large.

Beautiful people, but, wow, they are awesome in size.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:21 | 6429796 trader1
trader1's picture

is that photoshopped?

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:27 | 6429808 Abitdodgie
Abitdodgie's picture

I think it is a good idea after all if your not fat you have nothing to fear. Allthough they are getting more of your biometrics.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:26 | 6429809 arbwhore
arbwhore's picture

Good time for a famine.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:29 | 6429815 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Means 2/3rd of Amerikans cannot fly. Time to starve Amerikans. Has anyone been to Austin, TX, fuck every other place is a food shit and more coming. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:33 | 6430165 Arnold
Arnold's picture

Getting ready to sell the bitch to the Feds in return for sucession.

(Notam, I am a Yankee)

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:32 | 6429827 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Any volunteers to tell a 400 pound tattooed Somoan or Maori wrestler that he has to pay extra for his ticket?

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:35 | 6430170 Arnold
Arnold's picture

Yup, but you can't afford me.

( or any body else competent)

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:33 | 6429831 Wary Hanger
Wary Hanger's picture

My therapist said that as a child I swallowed a lot of aggression. Well, that, & a lot of pizzas.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:34 | 6429835 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

America can profit based on this, double or trople the vehicle registration and charge the kids double if they are obese. 

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:35 | 6429836 JustPrintMoreDuh
JustPrintMoreDuh's picture

Time to buy some Air LardAss stock

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:36 | 6429840 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

The Mickey D section is over there sir. Your credit company says you'll make it till Minnesota.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:10 | 6429851 ThroxxOfVron
ThroxxOfVron's picture

Charge the tubs more for ALL transportation.

I for one an damned tired of fat-assed men and women rudely doing everything but sit on top of me on subways and buses.

 

Another thing: The SO & I host ONE holiday gathering a year at our house.

EVERY year we invite my SO's best friend from high school's family, the lightest of which weighs TWICE what my wife does.  The largest of the four weighs nearly three times what I do!

EVERY year the toilet seat is broken when they leave.

EVERY year at least one piece of furniture is destroyed when they leave.

Seriously.

Replacing the damned toilet seat and at least one chair or other piece of furniture is a fucking expense and drag that I am totally sick of.   EVERY year I have the same fight with my SO about inviting them over and how we are going to pay for new furniture...

 

Don't even get me started on the forced socialization of health care costs with these wildly unhealthy and overweight creatures and their ilk...

 

 

Your lifestyle = your choice = you pay the freight to move your weight.

 


Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:19 | 6430137 L Bean
L Bean's picture

LMFAO. I have a similar story with our closest friends who have a boy-girl set of twin toddlers w Asperger's and anxiety issues, relatively.

These are my best friends' kids and I love them, but yeah we have to replace furniture, carpet, paint walls, etc after these kids come over for a few hours. They go completely insane.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:25 | 6430150 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

50% will have handicaped parking spots soon

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:53 | 6430395 BarkingCat
BarkingCat's picture

Damn, you are a pussy.
Be a man and tell her that hippos belong outdoors.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:14 | 6430441 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Perhaps the next dinner party should be on the patio/deck at a picnic table.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 01:55 | 6431020 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Years ago, my wife invited her brother and his wife over to our house.  We had furniture made of oak, with steel slats, for the seats and backs, covered in  cushions and fabric.

Sis in Law, was a huge woman, at 33, (and at the time I would tell my wife that she should not compete to outdo her, as my wife was beginning to have enter doors sideways.  Wife's lost a lot of weight over the years and is down to the 200+ range).  So we're showing them the house we're in and we go back to the living room and everyone sits down.  Sis in Law sits in an oak/steel easychair.  Not only did the oak break, but the steel broke.  She wound up sunk in a collapsed chair, with her ass on the floor, and steel slats pinning her in.

We had to call the volunteer fire department to get her out of it.  The three grown adults in the house could not hoist her ass out of it because the broken steel had dug into the wooden floor and lapped over her knees and against her, um, ahem, girth.  It was ten hours later that they managed to get her freed, and it involved cutting torches and the fire department 'Saw of Doom'.  Luckily, a neighbor took in the kids for the night.

Once freed, the first thing she did was head to the bathroom to pee.  She managed to do that safely, but on standing up, after hours locked into the chair, her knees gave way and she fell back into the tank and smashed it, then she landed on the toilet and pulverized it.  It was the funniest thing about the whole evening even though I felt bad about laughing at her. 

(In fairness, last January I stood up from the toilet and the little rug in front of it slipped under my feet and I fell back and smashed the tank.  So it happens, even if you're only a fat-ass, not horrificably obese, and maybe a little drunk.)

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:40 | 6429853 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

I told the guy he should try to get in shape. He said, "Round is a shape."

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 09:50 | 6431503 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

Such a nice description for his shape, I have couple for him; "Fat Whale" and "Buffalo Butt".

 

I was going to say 'bite me' but I think I better not. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:43 | 6429863 Keynesians say ...
Keynesians say the darndest things's picture

You hear that noise? It's the rage supervolcano starting to erupt from fat feminists and "fat acceptance" folks everywhere

HIde the donuts

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:43 | 6429864 crisrose
crisrose's picture

About time!  Anyone who flies regularly knows the feeling of dread when boarding a plane: 'Am I going to spend the next few hours flattened by a fat a$$???'

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:50 | 6429871 knukles
knukles's picture

I used to do over a 100k/annum for a while and have hated flying ever since.  In spite of the federal flight enjoyment enhancement efforts.

Come to think about it, why not with all the goddamned expenditures of making people "feel safe" flying, have zillions of scary clowns at the airport passing out BBQ'd ribs?

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:03 | 6431033 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

I used to fly a lot, too.  1998-2002.  After 9/11, when Kanesha was replaced by Quanesha, I once asked a pilot at the bar, "With all this bullshit, why don't the airports simply go to a 100% bag-matching model?  We would never lose a bag ever again, and security would be basically a frisking for any weapons on hand."

The pilot looked at me.  "You're the first non-airlne person I've met to suggest such a thing.  But it's not going to happen and I don't know why."

My job changed and I didn't fly as frequently.  Nor do I now.  I find the security idiotic and clown with the process.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:52 | 6429883 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

What really seals the deal is sitting next to someone who smells like they have never washed.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:03 | 6429912 ThroxxOfVron
ThroxxOfVron's picture

The NYC subways and NJ transit and NYC busses are fucking disgusting encampments for the homeless.

In winter the homeless congregate wtihin the subway system, and camp out/wander about in the bus stations in large numbers -Port Authority becomes a de-facto hostel for the criminally insane, the panhandling addicts, and the perpetually unwashed.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:04 | 6431035 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Sorry about that, but it was Friday.  Saturday is wash day.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:20 | 6429956 Global Douche
Global Douche's picture

A flight I boarded in Hamburg back to Amerikkka had me temporairly sitting next to some somewhat loud and obnoxious guy. I was already "armed" with noxious fart gas to deploy as necessary. Instead, he got a seat elsewhere (he was very tall) and I was near a bunch of crying babies.

They got blamed and taken to the restroom whilst over maratime Canada. It gives "Blame Canada" new meaning, although I love the Canadians as a whole.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:00 | 6430407 BarkingCat
BarkingCat's picture

I hate people that fly with little kids!!!
LISTEN UP you self absorbed assholes!!!
No one wants to hear you fucking kids screaming.
Stay the fuck hone or drive until the little duplicon is old enough to behave and not disturb everyone around them.
If you fly with babies or little kids then you are a fuckung asshole!!! I hope they catch some damn virus during the travel that makes them sick for a month and your fucking life living hell.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:22 | 6430451 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! 

 

Sincerely,

Mom

P.S.  I never breast fed you because you suck too much

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 22:11 | 6430598 FrankieGoesToHo...
FrankieGoesToHollywood's picture

You are wound to tight.  Kids dont bother me  because I enjoy life.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:10 | 6431041 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Train trip from Jacksonville, Florida to NYNY.  Kids behind us getting loud and obnoxious.  Parents seated next to us, across the aisle, with headphones on.

We're old people, who've never traveled by train, so we have an ice chest with snacks and shit.

We start handing cookies to the kids.  They're quite for a while.

We hand them cheesesticks.  They're quite for a while.

We hand them cups of Dr. Pepper with a shot a whiskey and a benedryl.

They're out for the duration.

Mom and Dad never even looked in our direction.  But when they went to sleep, Dad smiled.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:47 | 6429874 okyoureabeast
okyoureabeast's picture

I'm all for this, but I am a power lifter. I weigh 205lbs at 6ft high. However, my body fat content is 12% which means i'm mostly muscle. I look great without a shirt on and I fit comfortably into airline seats without a problem.

 

Will I be penalized because of my healthy lifestyle?

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:51 | 6429881 knukles
knukles's picture

Welcome to America!

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:56 | 6429892 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Yes, you will be penalized for being alive.  I thought you were cruising for a woman there.  Well, you will get one in due time and that will fix your pride.  Some ZHer's, such as myself, prefer a high level of various inebriants. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:08 | 6429925 ThroxxOfVron
ThroxxOfVron's picture

Your lifestyle = your choice = you pay the freight to move your weight.

Airflight is about lifting via burning calories -something you just admitted you know all about if you are being honest.  

What is so hard to understand?

Can you lift max weight without paying for and injesting the calories required or do you have to 'load for burn'?

...All right then.

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:15 | 6429942 Global Douche
Global Douche's picture

Yes, you shall be penalized, but at least you won't have to pay for extra seating. The answer? Marry a millionairess or find your niche in reality TeeVee.

There needs to be a better answer, especially with energy prices FALLING as they presently are. That seems to get by most in this story.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:07 | 6430090 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

If you promise to keep your shirt on - I'll pay the 12%  weight factor.  BTW - my gaydar detector is beeping.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:46 | 6430206 Stevious
Stevious's picture

Nah, you're skinny, you will have to sit in one of the new petite person (girlie seat) category.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:04 | 6430249 Arnold
Arnold's picture

It would seem you have a fat head.

 

 

(Gaydar over load. Caution... Caution...

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:24 | 6430318 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

 

"Will I be penalized because of my healthy lifestyle?"

no, you will be penalized for your weight...

let's pay attention to the problem that these airlines are trying to solve, people... they don't give a flying fuck about your healthy/unhealthy lifestyle, your BMI, whether or not you fit in the seats and so on... they care about how ... much ... you ... weigh ...

physics doesn't care... mass is mass and weight is weight... there are four basic forces that act on an aircraft in flight:

- thrust

- drag

- lift

- weight

hauling more weight means more lift is needed, period, end of story... that extra lift force comes with a price and that price is fuel...

so kudos to the keyboard olympians who think they're in a special corner case that should make the rules not apply to them... too bad you're wrong

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:43 | 6430372 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

OK - I don't understand a lot of the financial stuff here and maybe these posts are beyond me but - are thrust drag lift and  weight  related to Dick - sorry - penis 'issues'?

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 02:18 | 6431047 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

My youngest son and I once left Panama City, Florida.  I forget the model type of the plane we were on, but it was relatively small, maybe 50 or seats.  There were seven of us boarding.

We all took our assigned seats.

The pilot came on and said that the plane was overloaded in the front (I've taken flying lessons, though I'm not quite a pilot, yet).  Front/Back loading is not a healhy thing in flying.  The condition isn't necessarily the people, it can be what freight is loaded and where.  The pilot asked that a couple of people move towards the rear of the plane.  I told my son to come with me to the last row and take seats.

The pilot came on and said we were suitably balanced.

For the one hour flight to Atlanta we had anything we wanted, free.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 06:25 | 6431209 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

anything you wanted ? for Free?

Well you either don't want what I want for free, or they brought about japanese twin flight attendentts and you had a wild Effing ride.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:48 | 6429875 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

As my friend would say, "the doctor told me my weight is perfect. It's my height that's a problem."

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:55 | 6429889 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

In defence of the fatties I must say that the thought of trying get in, let alone be seated in those tiny toilets, scares me and also creates the potential for a very messy outcome.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:59 | 6429903 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

An older gentleman that I know used to work for an airline.  Before obesity really became a problem, there were messy outcomes.  I don't remember all of his stories, but he did go into a lavatory in an airplane that one of the passengers had managed to somehow get shit onto the ceiling.  

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:52 | 6430223 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

anyone can piss on the floor, but it takes a real man to shit on the ceiling

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:27 | 6430330 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

I wonder if there is some version of the Mile High Club for this

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 17:59 | 6429905 knukles
knukles's picture

OK.  How does a Samoan shit on a plane?  I'm regular height and weight as in unremarkable, and have trouble in those commodes.  Seriously!?!?!?!?!?!

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:51 | 6430023 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Drinks on me

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:49 | 6430042 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Shit? - not a hope. Google Samoan and Sumo guys getting off flights fleeing to heads for a piss - hilarious.  For a shit emergency they must have a nurse on standby with training in Lamaze. I had a leg once on a transport, one idiot decided to ignore 'advise' and have a nice breakfast, we wrapped and bound the fukker in a poncho to kill the stink.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 22:15 | 6430610 FrankieGoesToHo...
FrankieGoesToHollywood's picture

ive never gone to the toilet on a plane.  That include a flight to NZ from LA.  I dont drink or eat before the flight.  Make sure i piss before getting on and monitor my fluids.  I shake my head at those saps who use the toilet 5 minutes after boarding.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:00 | 6429906 Bay Area Guy
Bay Area Guy's picture

I guess two Only 2 Samoans at at time can go on their national airline then. Those folks are usually enormous.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:04 | 6429915 WTFMOFO
WTFMOFO's picture

Can a mofo get another bag of peanuts, I'm hungry up in this mofo.

 

 

 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:06 | 6429922 kareninca
kareninca's picture

I would rather sit next to someone who is huge, than someone wearing perfume.

Especially "man perfume," gag!!!!!

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:43 | 6430196 Stevious
Stevious's picture

Hmm...oftentimes extremely obese indivuals have their "own" copious scent.  A sort of perfume au natural.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:37 | 6430344 kareninca
kareninca's picture

It is a hard call.  I've sat next to obese people; naturally smelly people; naturally smelly obese people; naturally smelly skinny people.  I suppose it's a matter of taste  -  I find the synthetic perfume the worst.  If anything is going to end reproduction in the West in the next generation, it will be the smell of Axe.  On the bright side if they are perfumed enough they can enjoy a person barfing next to them.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:14 | 6430442 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Hilarious This is one thread I can relate to.  have been  in close quarters with a lot of guys - unbelievable the difference in stink.  But we all agreed that after we all had the same diet for a long time - we began to smell bad but more more or less the same but bad. BTW the 'other guys' thought we stank too. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 22:15 | 6430609 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

I'm only posting this here for me - please forgive too many drinks  The worst smell I ever had comes back to me. 10 guys packed into the back of a carrier, the smell of puke shit piss just flesh was awful 1 guy just fuked   5 hours and fuking hot. I was lucky manning a 50 up top taking shit but  means I had some air. I could now ride next to a fuking toilet and be happy

Anyway - shit happens

 

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 06:40 | 6431224 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

Effing infantryman myself as well.

I remember a fight breaking out among us in the back of a carrier, over an MRE or something stupid

All elbows and jabs. it wasn't even my fight i got hit hard because we were all packied in so tight and I went down.

Folks told the story over and over about how funny i was looking to take the hit and then slump right back in my seat, out for the count.

Had my helmet off and over the buttstock of my M-16 with the muzzle down and it all went skittering. Never took my helmet off in an APC again.

afterall the shooting, does your hearing suck now also? Mine does.

I'm constantly asking my wife "please speak clearly" but I don't think its her fault,

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 07:34 | 6431285 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Oddly - no.  something to look forward to    but  it really was the smell. It just got inside you.  on round 2 I was a hump which had its own shit storm but at least you could breathe. I figured that my job sucked when we had practice drills taking a dead gunner out of the turret.   I still hate getting into a car absolutely will not get in a van or anything that doesn't have my own door.  strange though - planes are no problem

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:17 | 6429947 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

I'm all for this.  I was flying to a competition one time and was told my snowboard bag was overweight, and had to pay $100 standard overweight charge.  I pointed out my bags weigh less than 10 times the weight of the fat fuck behind me.... tired of lazy fucks collecting free money, being give a break etc.  Back to Darwin imo...

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:01 | 6430064 atomp
atomp's picture

What really matters, in this case, is where you put that 10 times.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:41 | 6430190 Stevious
Stevious's picture

Careful now...  Say "fat fuck" at the airport and you'll be arrested, uh...scratch that--killed, shot to death even as you try to run away.

Welcome to America.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:22 | 6429960 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

i hate sitting next to fat people on a plane but let's face it the airlines are making the seats too damn small. a lot of high school kids are 6'-6" these days. fuck the airlines, i boycott them most of the time. grope my crotch then cram me into a torture device seat. eat shit and die bitchez.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:24 | 6429963 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

we will ask you to pass the weighing procedure with a special weighing machine placed in the departure gate zone.

For those of you that don't remember the past you were first informed this would happen over 53 years ago on March 2, 1962.

Here is a sample of what it will be like at the airline departure gate zone courtesy of The Twilight Zone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPovOvFKHpw#t=18m40s

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:28 | 6429973 bluez
bluez's picture

Oh get fat and happy! Screw the airlines. They early on bought the big fat ticket, they must take the fat ride.

We are the Fat, we are the free, and we are the proud.

Deal with it fatholes!

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:29 | 6429978 Dodgy Geezer
Dodgy Geezer's picture

So what's new?

 

For SMALL planes - 6 seat taxis and the like, they already routinely weigh passengers. They don't often reject them outright, but they usually have to move them around to balance the plane up. You can't sit where you want if you're big...

 

Try flying out to a small set of islands on a light aircraft charter, and you'll soon find out that passenger weight matters...

Mon, 08/17/2015 - 23:48 | 6437953 Abbie Normal
Abbie Normal's picture

Tour helicopters are the same way, if you weigh over 250 lbs, you must buy two seats even if you will fit properly in one.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:29 | 6429979 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

There is a your momma is so fat joke in there somewhere....

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:32 | 6429983 zipit
zipit's picture

Fat people must fly "Jumbo Jet" TM, my new airline catering to them.  Our hub will be at the fattest city in the world, which I'm guessing is somewhere in the middle of the USA.  Our hub will be called that "Chub Hub."  When passengers board, they wll be fitted with feedbags, such as these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw_1CIwwEIA.  No need to leave your seat to go to the bathroom, as each seat is also a fully functioning toilet.  Asses will be cleaned by Millenials making $15 per hour in a special section of the plane directly below the passanger compartment (need a name for that... little help please?  thks).  When a passanger wants service, he or she presses a button and an attendant runs over and fills the order, which can range from a simple cleaning to a detailing (with or without waxing), and various other services, which may be legal over international waters.  Needless to say, we will be charing a premium for this new airline.  We're trying to circle up Richard Branson as lead investor.  Who else is in?

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 21:21 | 6430456 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Whoa, some serious outta teh box thinking right there! :>D

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:34 | 6429986 Latitude25
Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:40 | 6430012 Prober
Prober's picture

The same principle should be applied to every service, eg:

smokers get no medical insurance payments (private or gummint)

overweight get their medical insurance payments (private or gummint) reduced by amount overweight until at obese level, they get ZERO payments

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 18:51 | 6430048 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Time for US Airlines to cut thru the bullshit. Just rip out all the seats, install lawn chairs and sleeping bags. Domestic airlines are a fucking joke. Don't forget to charge for toilet paper. 

International flights actually care about the customer. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 19:12 | 6430111 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Down vote must be a US Scareway disgruntled employee who merged with American Airlines. 

Don't worry, I always flew on Continental Airlines. United Airlines sucks dog dick. Every merger is a closer step to poorer service. 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:11 | 6430280 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Someone in the commercial Airline industry thought about using the UPS/FedEx package weight formula. 

/hahahahaaa

If it fits, it ships. USPS.  

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:19 | 6430305 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

"If you can shit in our ship we'll ship you. No shit". Scatological humour at its best

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 01:32 | 6430981 bluskyes
bluskyes's picture

Nah, it's more likely the airline is implementing a new ERP, and they dont have a passenger flight module - but do have a freight module. So, they are adapting the business model to the software's capabilities.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:19 | 6430304 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Let's all stop pretending costs and prices are related.

You have a fixed cost to operate a flight. Either fill the seats or don't.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:20 | 6430311 SameAsItEverWas
SameAsItEverWas's picture

What was the name of Hunter S. Thompson's 300-lb Samoan lawyer in his Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? 

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:36 | 6430353 Tallest Skil
Tallest Skil's picture

GOOD. You have no right–to yourself or others–to destroy your body and make anyone–yourself or others–pay for it.

Sat, 08/15/2015 - 20:39 | 6430362 I Eat Your Dingos
I Eat Your Dingos's picture

Don't tell this to the social injustice leaguers, they will claim the world and airlines need to accept and love the obese's weight/body/fat because they have more of them to love than "skinnys". Cultural Marxism sucks...Fat is good, Thin is bad, cis-gender is bad, transgender is good, ISIS is good, AMerican patriots are bad, Obama/Clinton/Bush are patriots, and Thomas Jefferson/ John Adams/George Washington are terrorists. How's the NEW CULTURAL NORMAL

 

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 00:19 | 6430881 Heywood Jahblohmee
Heywood Jahblohmee's picture

Aircraft takeoff settings are based on Total weight.  ON short runways you have to lessen fuel load to take off.

so it doesn't matter how many seats are on the aircraft.   

Average weight is figured at 175 lbs.

300 people weighing 300 lbs.  will make the aircraft have lesss of fuel load meaning less range.

And from short runways you will have to either dump passengers or fuel load.

but what do I know.   I am just a retired flight engineer that was replaced by a computer.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 00:27 | 6430895 hannah
hannah's picture

at first i thought the 'safety' aspect was bs but then i went to the mall and if everyone weighs 300lbs then the plane could be overloaded when it was design for 150lb people. what a sad state of affairs.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 00:33 | 6430907 Heywood Jahblohmee
Heywood Jahblohmee's picture

in 2006 a Boeing 727  crashed in Benin, Africa  because the Flight engineer put in the wrong engine settings for takeoff.

The aircraft was headed to Beirut. for Christmas holidays and was packed to the gills with Lebanese workers who lived in Benin.

The runway was short.   The FE put in engine settings for the larger engines on that aircraft and they ran out of runway on take of and everyone died.

 

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 00:33 | 6430908 Heywood Jahblohmee
Heywood Jahblohmee's picture

in 2006 a Boeing 727  crashed in Benin, Africa  because the Flight engineer put in the wrong engine settings for takeoff.

The aircraft was headed to Beirut. for Christmas holidays and was packed to the gills with Lebanese workers who lived in Benin.

The runway was short.   The FE put in engine settings for the larger engines on that aircraft and they ran out of runway on take of and everyone died.

 

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 04:16 | 6431131 quasi_verbatim
quasi_verbatim's picture

The morbidly obese are disgusting and should be rendered down for jet fuel.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 04:39 | 6431149 smacker
smacker's picture

The guy in that picture is about the same size as a guy that British Airways sat next to me on a return flight from Bangkok to London 18 months ago. He was so wide that he could not sit back in his seat which meant he was overhanging me for the whole 13.5 hour flight.

So I certainly support that fat/wide people should be managed in some way, but we have to ensure that this isn't simply used by airlines to raise more revenues whilst continuing to seat them next to regular sized people. What airlines need to do is have a small number of seats which are sized and intended for these big people to keep them out of regular sized seats. And the cost would be paid by these people.

Next will be to have a small section of the plane where parents with kids are seated to stop them from annoying other passengers by shouting, screaming, pooping and vomiting during long haul flights.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 06:12 | 6431201 fainzilberg
fainzilberg's picture

yeah ,everybody would like to stay for a few hours in a confined space next to a whale

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 06:58 | 6431237 vune
vune's picture

Fair enough, you eat the fridge you pay more

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 08:15 | 6431341 Thick Willy
Thick Willy's picture

LOL tiny weaklings.  Suffer at the hands of your mighty giant overlords.

Small weaklings should stay huddled together in the filthy cities like the rats they are.

It must really suck to go through life as a tiny weakling.  I wouldn't know.  I was 5'10 and 200 pounds by the time I was 12.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 08:16 | 6431344 JailBanksters
JailBanksters's picture

Is this an Anti-American thing ?

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 08:38 | 6431363 Debugas
Debugas's picture

why do they need this - "Passengers will be put in three categories - men, women and children"

why not simply charge per kilogramm ?

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 08:54 | 6431388 litemine
litemine's picture

Yes, with it, a basic charge for the seat.

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 09:30 | 6431449 Last of the Mid...
Last of the Middle Class's picture

He ain't heavy, He's my motheerrrrrrrr!!!!

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 09:39 | 6431473 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

"Oh, it's not my fault. I can't help my eating habit."

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 09:59 | 6431524 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

When I see overweight people drive round and round the gym car park for finding the closest space to the front door, I know 1) it's not going to work 2) their willpower are much as air 3) they are daff

Sun, 08/16/2015 - 10:15 | 6431577 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Good I hope they do it before Wednesday.

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