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Deez Nuts On Top Of Hillary Clinton

Tyler Durden's picture




 

On Wednesday we documented the unlikely rise of dark horse Presidential candidate "Deez Nuts" who, at last count, was polling at or near 9% in three states. 

Obviously, this is a story where the punchlines write themselves, and while there’s no doubt that some of Nuts’ popularity is simply a reflection of the fact that voters in Iowa, Minnesota, and North Carolina have a sense of humor, it also says something about the state of American politics and, indirectly, about Donald Trump’s rise to the top of the polls. Here’s how we put it:

The endemic corruption, crony capitalism, rampant regulatory capture, and licentious logrolling that many voters have come to associate with the American political process has created a deep-seated desire for change and if there are two names which most certainly do not portend a break from business as usual inside the Beltway they are "Bush" and "Clinton."

And while some were disappointed to learn that Deez Nuts is actually a 15-year-old farm boy from Iowa (apparently at least some voters were hoping to see Nuts make a real run for The White House), his popularity is still growing and it certainly seems as though the media and at least one polling company are set to see just how far Deez Nuts can run (so to speak).

Below, find a graphic which shows that search interest for Nuts is now greater than for Hillary Clinton along with the backstory from The New York Times.

From The New York Times:

The presidential candidate Deez Nuts was surging on Wednesday in a poll, albeit unscientific, in North Carolina.

 

Deez Nuts was also the No. 1 trending topic on Twitter.

 

For anyone who has fallen 24 hours behind the campaign news cycle, Deez Nuts is a registered independent, a supporter of a balanced budget and the Iran nuclear deal — and a 15-year-old farm boy from Iowa.

 

In registering with the Federal Election Commission last month, Deez Nuts listed an address in rural Wallingford, Iowa, that is the home of Mark and 

 

Teresa Olson. Mr. Olson, who farms 2,000 acres of corn and soybeans, said in an interview that Deez Nuts was his son Brady, who begins his sophomore year in high school next week.

 

Like any surging candidate, Deez Nuts has been besieged with requests from the national news media since becoming an Internet meme, but has said he would be interviewed only by email. “School’s starting back up and I still have to sort this out,’’ he wrote to this reporter.

 

Asked why Deez Nuts entered the presidential race, Brady replied, “To clear the way for a future third-party movement.’’

 

Tom Jensen, the director of Public Policy Polling, said he added Deez Nuts to statewide survey three weeks ago because “the name makes people laugh, and it’s a long presidential election.’’

 

But Mr. Jensen also drew a serious conclusion from the Deez Nuts surge.

 

“I would say Mr. Nuts is the most ludicrous and unqualified third-party candidate you could have, but he’s still polling at 7, 8, 9 percent,’’ Mr. Jensen said. “Right now the voters don’t like either of the people leading in the two main parties, and that creates an appetite for a third-party candidate.’’

 

After the North Carolina results, which were picked up by television news broadcast, Mr. Jensen thought the joke had run its course. But now that Deez 

 

Nuts is receiving a wave of publicity, the pollster is curious to see if the Deez Nuts candidacy can be lifted higher. Mr. Jensen plans to include the independent in polls in New Hampshire this weekend and in a national survey next week.

*  *  *

Bonus: the Deez Nuts campaign platform from the candidate's official campaign website

Illegal Immigration

I believe that anyone who is found as an illegal immigrant in this country must be deported back to their country of origin, with the lone exception of being a minor.

Federal Budget & Government Spending

I believe that the US Government should not be allowed to spend more than it makes from tax revenue. The reason we are in a budget crisis is because the two main parties refuse to compromise on this issue. Every federal official in either Congress, President, or the Cabinet, should immediately have their salary cut in half.  Once the budget is balanced, those salaries may slowly rise. If the budget returns negative, salaries go back to where they started.

Abortion & Same-Sex Marriage

I feel that as equal human beings that we should be allowed to choose how to live our lives without being discriminated by one another. At the same time however, I also understand that people believe that Christian religion outweighs government policy. But America is no longer mainly Christian. It is Christian, Jewish, Islam, Hebrew, and many others.

Foreign Policy

I support the work that John Kerry and the State Department did with the Iran nuclear deal, considering it took nearly two years to reach this point. Everyone wants a better deal, but that's the whole point of negotiating. Look at your wants, then their wants, and meet in the middle. Now is the time  being respected instead of feared by other nations. I also feel that we need to stop being a world watchdog and limit our positions in international conflicts.

Energy

I support cutting subsidies to oil companies and giving tax incentives to individuals and corporations that implement green technology and renewable energy sources into their communities. I also support giving grants to communities for the purpose of installing municipal wind turbines, hydroelectric dams, and rooftop solar panels.

Economy

I support giving corporations tax incentives for the sole purpose of creating jobs IN America TO Americans FOR Americans. This will in turn stimulate the economy and make us more self-sufficient instead of relying on products from foreign countries.

Territorial Voting Rights

I support giving citizens in our American territories voting rights. I also support giving American Samoan citizens automatic US citizenship. I would give Puerto Rico 3 electoral votes since Puerto Rico is bigger than many states. Guam, the US Virgin Islands, and the Northern Marianas all get 2 since they are smaller, but still incorporated territories. Finally, American Samoa would only get 1 since it is still considered an "unincorporated" territory. This would bring the total of electoral votes from 538 to 548. I also support giving all 5 territories plus Washington, D.C. 1 seat in the House of Representatives instead of non-voting delegates. This would bring seats in the House from 435 to 441.

 

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Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:50 | 6456074 Max Steel
Max Steel's picture

US : Always keeping it classy.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:02 | 6456111 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Well, we know they Deez Nuts are not on her chin. Huma has that spot reserved.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:11 | 6456140 JoeSexPack
JoeSexPack's picture

Walnuts = nuts on a wall.

 

Chestnuts = nuts on a chest

 

Deez Nutz on top of Hillary = Huma's out of town & Hill's bi-curious.

 

Be funny if she went straight after, funnier if with Bill.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:49 | 6456227 max2205
max2205's picture

You don't get on top of Hillary, she mounts you or pegged doggie style.

 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:52 | 6456240 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, goes around yelling "TO HELL WITH MOTHER NATURE", execpt Hillary.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:11 | 6456266 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

Hillary Clinton is a soulless, morally bankrupt wannabe and anyone who likes her is brainwashed. Fuck her, her husband, the dems, the republicans, etc. let's put a fifteen year old in charge. He can't do any worse that the CFR puppets push us towards nuclear war.

It's been fun...

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:25 | 6456296 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Deez Nuts actually has a pretty good platform. 15 year old farm boy from Iowa turns out to be leagues better than a bush / clinton. Take note 'merica!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 17:46 | 6456467 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

You just cannot make this stuff up. Maybe it's a four-way: Deez Nuts on top of Hilary, spit roasted by Bill, and Monica backwards cowgirl 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 18:03 | 6456498 sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

Personally, I'm waiting for a Dwayne Elizondo Herbert Mountain Dew Camacho to come along.  Perhaps a Deez Nuts/Mountain Dew Camacho 2016 ticket?

 

 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 18:37 | 6456571 Publicus
Publicus's picture

SHILLARY IS RAPIDLY LOSING POPULARITY AND IS ON THE VERGE OF GOING TO PRISON

SANDERBLATT IS A FUCKING COMMUNIST WHO ONLY APPEALS TO MILLENIALS WHO WILL JUST TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD HE IS BUT WON'T ACTUALLY VOTE

JEB BUSH IS A DYNASTY CLONE WITH A DEMONIZED FAMILY NAME

THE REST OF THE GOP CANDIDATES ARE LITERAL CUCKS

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:04 | 6456824 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

She's probably going to blame the Tea Party for this

EDIT: OK.....Teabaggers


That was the joke or lack thereof pehaps

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 09:42 | 6457526 Dig Deeper1
Dig Deeper1's picture

That movie was extraordinarily optomistic.  500 YRS.  America is so exceptional we can rot from the inside out in < 50.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 18:25 | 6456538 greenskeeper carl
greenskeeper carl's picture

What's funny is he is halfway there on several of those issues, which is better than most candidates. He supports giving subsidies to green energy companies and taking them away from oil companies. How about no subsidies for anyone? Same with same sex marriage, he points out that it's no one else's business, but doesn't really go further. How about we get govt out of entirely. Still pretty damn good for a 15 year old.

I just like it that it reveals our entire process and system of govt as the corrupt joke that it is. He is polling better than most of the career politicians in both parties.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 19:10 | 6456645 Handful of Dust
Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:27 | 6457151 VegasBob
VegasBob's picture

Of course.

Everyone with a functioning brain knows Hitlery is more corrupt than Tricky Dick Nixon.  In fact, the evil old bitch makes Tricky Dick look like an altar boy.

So nobody bothers to Google Hitlery. She doesn't stand for anything except self-aggrandizement.

The people who will vote for her know all of that already.  They just don't think it matters.

 

 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:11 | 6456141 negative rates
negative rates's picture

SOMEONE DISOWN THIS BITCH!!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:27 | 6456175 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

I don't vote because I don't think we ever have a good choice and it doesn't matter anyways, but I would vote for a 15 year old farmer over any of the other candidates.

After the last 30 years of politics how could you fuck things up any worse?

 

Deez Nuts Bitchez!

He's getting laid all over his town.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:07 | 6456131 Bilderberg Member
Bilderberg Member's picture

Deez Nuts went "viral" with the help of the GOP and DNC. As they try in vain to take momentum from Trump and the issues  he brings up. They no longer have legitimate candidates so they invent a frivolity to say "look at the shiny object"

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:02 | 6456254 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Deez Nuts was viral in the "vine" community for over a year. Any 15 yo would know all about it, so I'm not surprized that the cheeky little brat went that direction.

It's worse than you are currently thinking. Here is just one of the many (scores maybe hundreds) of Deez Nuts video compilations, many of which have MILLIONS of views:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_RdsmyXRGY

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:09 | 6456135 Tallest Skil
Tallest Skil's picture

Deez Nuts/Your Mother for P and VP!

Campaign slogan: Teabag the D-bags!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:52 | 6456082 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"Guillotine" too.

Zion is a scheme, not an ethnicity.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:54 | 6456083 Amy G. Dala
Amy G. Dala's picture

And now we can see what a K-12 public education in Iowa can buy.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:26 | 6456117 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

Asked why Deez Nuts entered the presidential race, Brady replied, “To clear the way for a future third-party movement.’’

Mr. Jensen said: Right now the voters don’t like either of the people leading in the two main parties, and that creates an appetite for a third-party candidate.’’

This kid is more clever than many give him credit for.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:47 | 6456220 New World Chaos
New World Chaos's picture

Jesse Ventura.

The time has come.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:54 | 6456086 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Nuts is a brain-polluted idiot like the rest, the shame is he is 15.  If that were my 15 year old; I would be ashamed and embarrassed.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 17:44 | 6456307 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

Really, Crocodile?

What would you have your 15-year-old kid do - prepare themselves for a life of servitude to oligarchs that run the usurped voting process and corrupt justice system? Serve the masters of a gutted constitution and die for Israel or Saudi Arabia - or whatever other shitty little country buys their way with our congressional whores? Go into a lifetime of debt for the privilege of working in a God damn cubicle doing 'customer service' or maybe bartending or selling tacos? All this while watching the psychopathic politicians hold another orgy of greed and bribe-pedaling in some kind of profane charade of voting and democracy?

YOU AND I are the ones that should be ashamed and embarrassed - that we let the U.S. turn into a shithole during our lifetimes and are handing it over to the Brady Olsons to fix. What the fuck did that kid ever do to YOU? Who are you and I to squander the sacrifice of everyone that died for this country and shrug our shoulders at the clownfuckery that goes on every day in Washington?

Brain-polluted idiot? Hardly. Seems like Brady has a fucking clue as to what's wrong with this country: don't expect the same psychopaths that ruined it to magically fix it by voting for them again using the same broken system. 

BTW: Brady Olson is not Deez Nuts. It's a prank candidate he made up to make a point.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 17:46 | 6456468 breadonwaters
breadonwaters's picture

Be cool paveway, The CROC is a religious nut ....he can't stand the competition!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 17:23 | 6456417 fishwharf
fishwharf's picture

The kid has moxie, and now he has name recognition in the political arena.

I'd be proud of him.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:11 | 6456089 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

.

 

 

Minimalist Art

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:55 | 6456090 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Work that Southern accent you phoney baloney.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:56 | 6456092 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Not surprising; Deez Nuts has no backlog of suspect emails.

In fact inspite of his name Deez Nuts is unknown to Ashley Madison.

Now dat is AWESOME for a political candidate.

U mean you don't sell yourself to the lobbies and you don't buy yourself a f*** buddy?

You r some strange political animal Deez !

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:58 | 6456096 Two Theives and...
Two Theives and a Liar's picture

Wow...articulates the issues clearly, succintly and logically...Deez has it together..ironic a 15 year old has it more together than anyone but Trump.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:59 | 6456097 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Hmmmmm, and I alway's thought it was Shrillary's nuts on top of Huma.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 14:59 | 6456099 Right-on Left-off
Right-on Left-off's picture

Is the title a play on words.  Or is Hillary's accompanying photo her honest reaction to sex.  (inquiring minds want to know)

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:32 | 6456189 JustPrintMoreDuh
JustPrintMoreDuh's picture

Top 10 all time funniest article titles contender for sure.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:00 | 6456104 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

look could ZH use a picture of say a pig head and call it hillary clinton, I mean stop with the torture of using her pics - at least let william B edit them..thank you in advance.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:01 | 6456106 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Phoney Baloney leads Hilda by 6 points.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:01 | 6456107 Burticus
Burticus's picture

Deez Nutz widening the spread on Hitlery Rotten, capturing the NOTA (no o' the above) vote.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 20:01 | 6456750 Lao Zhao Fei Hu
Lao Zhao Fei Hu's picture

How much wider can Shrillary's spread get?
Put her and Moochelle's asses in white pants and open a drive-in movie theater..
Or drive in whatever you want but count me out.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:02 | 6456110 Right-on Left-off
Right-on Left-off's picture

I love it.  Stature by association and Hillary looses and is degraded at the same time.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:03 | 6456113 Loose Caboose
Loose Caboose's picture

I love Bill Burr's take on the election.  Mentions Bilderberg and Illuminati on network TV.

https://youtu.be/vFIjdZ75xgo

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:04 | 6456118 saints51
saints51's picture

Good job common core!!!!!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:09 | 6456124 SSRI Junkie
SSRI Junkie's picture

.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:07 | 6456129 thunderchief
thunderchief's picture

I would rather they be hanging off her chin instead.

At least that would shut her up.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:07 | 6456130 thunderchief
thunderchief's picture

I would rather they be hanging off her chin instead.

At least that would shut her up.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:09 | 6456134 thebigunit
thebigunit's picture

<-- Hillary Clinton

<-- Ashley Madison

Poll question to be provided later.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:50 | 6456230 thebigunit
thebigunit's picture

Poll question:

When Bill Clinton said to Monica Lewinsky:  "I never had sex with that women", who was he referring to?

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:09 | 6456137 toady
toady's picture

Dude! Super bad imagery! 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:19 | 6456153 G. Marx
G. Marx's picture

"Deez Nuts On Top Of Hillary Clinton"

Well, that's a first.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 11:29 | 6456159 Zen Master
Zen Master's picture

Deez Nuts is cracken them in the poles. His father, Big Nuts, is quite proud of his little pistachio.  In fact he has been quoted as saying "Deez didn't fall far from the tree."

His candidacy has been called nutter butter by his detractors. But Deez Nuts is so full of his early success that it's now being reported that his campaign slogan will be named "Bust a Nut for America!"

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:23 | 6456163 Right-on Left-off
Right-on Left-off's picture

On second thought, Hillary's expression really shows how she likes taking it in the rear.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:28 | 6456178 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Camacho for President!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:15 | 6456274 Oswald did it
Oswald did it's picture

Go away!  I'm baitin!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 17:49 | 6456476 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Pvt. Joe Bowers: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, y'know?
Frito: I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:30 | 6456184 Consuelo
Consuelo's picture

 

 

In an atmosphere of dissatisfaction and disillusionment with the status quo, what better strategy by the big-moneyed interests to maintain their stranglehold, than to offer up precisely what is in play right now, in order to bring the sheep back into the fold of 'safety'...?

 

 

 

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:43 | 6456210 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Ahem, there is still only one candidate that can satisfy all the electorate. Me.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 15:43 | 6456213 Question Reality
Question Reality's picture

Deez Nuts always did a great job guiding me...

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:14 | 6456272 Erpfish
Erpfish's picture

Hilary teabagged!

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:14 | 6456273 Oswald did it
Oswald did it's picture

Idiocracy is almost here. The only thing Mike Judge got wrong in that movie was the time frame. It's not going to take 500 years. While the internet spreads information far and wide at the spead of light, it also happens to the same thing for stupidity

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 20:15 | 6456782 Moar-ey Greedman
Moar-ey Greedman's picture

No shit huh!
Terry Crewes for President (with Vince McMahon pulling the strings)

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:15 | 6456275 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

Deez Nuts is okay but I'm votin' for his brother, Doze Nuts.  Deez Nuts for secretary of state and between Deez and Doze, we'll get this country back on track.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:46 | 6456343 DaNuts
DaNuts's picture

I am DaNuts, does that count?

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:44 | 6457169 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I believe yer brotha DoNuts has more name recognition! :>D

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 17:11 | 6458881 DaNuts
DaNuts's picture

He is DemNuts

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 16:59 | 6456367 Kavklov
Kavklov's picture

 

Deez Nuts On Top Of Hillary Clinton

 

I thought she liked women ... lololol

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 18:00 | 6456491 Pseudonymous
Pseudonymous's picture

Jimmy McMillan from the Rent is Too Damn High Party endorses Deez Nuts for President.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnvbAGiujOQ

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 18:48 | 6456589 f16hoser
Sat, 08/22/2015 - 19:22 | 6456666 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Need to go after the female votes by getting a VP DeezDykes.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 20:12 | 6456777 Moar-ey Greedman
Moar-ey Greedman's picture

I think this country may finally be ready for a its Brewsters Millions moment: Vote for "None of the above"

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 20:18 | 6456790 Lao Zhao Fei Hu
Lao Zhao Fei Hu's picture

Deez Nuts is on top of Shrillary'?
He's only 15!
If she was his high school biology teacher she'd be doing time for child rape.
So this bitch gets away with bangin' a 15 y.o. kid too?
Question is, how much booze did she have to give him to pop the cootchie?

Maybe that's what all of those personal emails were about.

Sat, 08/22/2015 - 21:26 | 6456902 dibiase
dibiase's picture

I'm still voting for EZ DICK. Fuck these mainstream cunts.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:27 | 6457150 Charles Offdensen
Charles Offdensen's picture

If i had a pair of nuts on the wall what would i have?

Walnuts?

Yes.

If i had some nuts hanging on your chest what would you have?

Chestnuts?

I said oh yes.

If i had some nuts hanging on your chin what would you have?

Chinnuts?

I said hell no bitch youd have a dick in your mouth!

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:34 | 6457156 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Trump Deez Nutz 2016 does make a catchy campaign slogan.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 02:00 | 6457170 European American
European American's picture

The absolute joy in all this, isn't as much as seeing the bitch go down, is that all her fucking cult followers, who are getting their faces smired with her shit, will finally have their leftist, bolshevik, collectivist, smug attitudes silenced, once and for all.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 00:51 | 6457176 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Hillary is going nowhere. Obamas hate the Clintons and will sick the Just-Us department on Hillary.

The Obamas let Hillary bask in a few months of glory before they destroy her and throw another candidate to take the nomination away from her.

Billy boy better stay away from Hillary for a few months after she realizes that she has been taken for a ride around the block and ends up at the same place she started.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 06:33 | 6457340 One Eyed Jack
One Eyed Jack's picture

That fat ,disgusting old clam-bumping pig ain't never, and will never have ANY nuts on her except her own.

Dear Hill,
praying that the head thing you had awhile back is a berry aneurism.

P.S. Fuck off!

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 08:59 | 6457458 Last of the Mid...
Last of the Middle Class's picture

This is becoming a case study in how long TPTB can prop up a totally unelectable (in a free society) candidate.

Sun, 08/23/2015 - 13:52 | 6458102 Deez Nuts
Deez Nuts's picture

VOTE DEEZ NUTS AND I WILL TEABAG ROTTENHAM CLINTOON! DO IT FOR THE COUNTRY, AND DO IT TO SEE HILLERY CHIN-NUTS!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!