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Ron Insana: "I Only Manage A Virtual Portfolio Which I Took To Cash Last Thursday"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Once upon a time, Ron Insana tried running a fund of funds. He failed.

Then he tried working at SAC. That didn't work out either.

Then, he decided to write scathing opeds in the Huffpo bashing "doomsayers." Four years later, the Fed is terrified to hike rates by 25 bps from zero while in the meantime all other central banks have joined the Fed in a global, liquidity-injecting tsunami, confirming the doomsayers were right all along.

So what is Ron, who once also used to work at CNBC, up to these days? The answer, in his own words, is "managing a virtual portfolio"... one which he "took to cash last Thursday." So is Ron then auditioning for a gig at Hedgeye, one wonders?

 

And here is an artist's impression of the compensation demanded by Insana in exchange for his "virtual" services.

 

* * *

And here is Ron's own take on the above:

 

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Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:05 | 6464375 SloMoe
SloMoe's picture

I have a Virtual Girlfriend who blows me morning, noon and night...

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:07 | 6464385 Santini Air
Santini Air's picture

Virtualize bitchez!

https://localbitcoins.com

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:08 | 6464389 Timmay
Timmay's picture

Market commentators are clowns and Donald Trump is serious. U.S. has gone full batshit retard....

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:15 | 6464423 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

Hope he has a time stamp on that transaction...trust but verify

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:16 | 6464432 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

This guy makes DOUCHEBAGS look good

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:20 | 6464451 synergize
synergize's picture

Taking a virtual portfolio to cash is the equivalent of castrating oneself in front of Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders and then bragging to your friends about how you showed them "responsiblity"

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:29 | 6464500 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If only he'd been CC'd on that Tim Cook email to Cramer, all this nastiness could've been avoided.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:35 | 6464531 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Insana-ty??? hmmm

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:48 | 6464629 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

So failed cheer leaders do have a future - Hmmmmm?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:54 | 6464672 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Those who can, do.  Those who can't, run a virtual portfolio.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:15 | 6464795 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

what a smug little ass, why does he always have that shit eating grin?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:29 | 6465314 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Yeah Ron, we prefer you lie...

As that's your past history.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 17:08 | 6465544 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

He took his own hedge fund to zero.

He can't get a job with CNBS which hires monkeys to do financial analysis.

The HuffPo is an AOL reject project where only the crappiest writers in the world go.

And this dude will be the first "virtual hedge fund manager" to take his virtual portfolio to zero while writing about it.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:29 | 6464502 nuubee
nuubee's picture

I took a virtual stack of bullion to about 500feet below sea level a few months ago, just being honest.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:29 | 6464503 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Hope he smells better, though.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 23:48 | 6467184 mkhs
mkhs's picture

No, he still uses that same crappy nose.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 17:07 | 6465541 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

I didn't know Insana was that much of a fuck up.  He tried all of that once leaving CNBC and he didn't get nowhere?  I can't wait unitil the market upchucks on everyone of them.

 

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:09 | 6464390 Timmay
Timmay's picture

Dupe.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:24 | 6464479 hailhillary
hailhillary's picture

Just this guy's last name should disqualify him from being on the tube.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:25 | 6464485 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

95% of the DOW must be computers swapping HFT with each other. So the market will never really crash, as it's not really a market. My point of the obvious being we should stop paying attention to the DOW because nothing serious will ever happen...or if it all goes crap the only ones hurt will be Wall Street, as most of Main Street left long ago.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:35 | 6464534 junction
junction's picture

I just saw Ron Insana on CNBC an hour ago, talking to Sue Herrera.  He looked a lot better than when he was on WPIX news on 9/11 in a street interview, about an hour after Two World Trade Center imploded.  He looked like he was in clown make-up, his face and hair mostly white, covered with concrete dust.  But when that microphone was put in front of him, he jabbered away fast for a few seconds.   

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:06 | 6464379 clooney_art
clooney_art's picture

Ron is preparing for survival.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:30 | 6464449 Mr Poopra
Mr Poopra's picture

Why not have a fake portfolio for fake markets?  

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 18:30 | 6465895 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

Actually...why not indeed. I know people who sold 'World of Warcraft' characters they developed for real dough. Maybe one can do the same with virtual portfolios? Like buying homes in virtual reality games like 'Second Life'? I just don't know what's unpossible anymore...

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:31 | 6464513 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Yeah, cuz most of us look at his picture and say "that man will last till the end".

He might replace the virtual girlfreind giving blow jobs morning, noon and night.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:06 | 6464381 THE 4th Quadrant
THE 4th Quadrant's picture

Hey I paper trade my Think or Swim too!

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:27 | 6464489 hailhillary
hailhillary's picture

Did anyone catch Cramer on the NBC News 7:00 a.m. PST special report about the stock market?  He stated "Economy is sound, Economy is sound!"

I also puked out my Oatmeal.  Pathetic.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:38 | 6464556 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Another bald headed asshole with a pretty mouth for making money.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 18:46 | 6465957 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Remain calm. All is well.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 18:45 | 6465953 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

When you think about it, the entire financial system is virtual.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:06 | 6464382 Tallest Skil
Tallest Skil's picture

Insana in the Membrana.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:06 | 6464384 cn13
cn13's picture

Those who can do.  Those who can't either write or teach.

Why does anyone watch or listen to anyone's advice on CNBC?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:28 | 6464497 hailhillary
hailhillary's picture

What is wif all the Bald guys?  Isn't this supposed to be show business?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:30 | 6464506 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

The best clowns are always bald.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:54 | 6464674 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Not to mention those two pony-tail twins.  

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 19:48 | 6466269 Blankenstein
Blankenstein's picture

skullets

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:08 | 6464391 stant
stant's picture

And on a pc in his moms basement

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:10 | 6464398 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Stop the Insanaty!

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:11 | 6464401 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

I haven't watched CNBC in a while except today to watch the stage actors in the face of the 1000 pt dip..  the thought occurred to me that they are on par with the folks that hustle Ronson food dehydrators on the infomercials.  Very obviously choreographed.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:13 | 6464406 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Now we know who the spammer is who keeps telling us his sister's boyfriend's brother's gay lover makes $5,000 a month from his computer at home in his pajamas. What a loser douche bag.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:26 | 6464488 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

That's virtual spammer to you doc. 

:)

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:11 | 6464407 khakuda
khakuda's picture

Liar.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:12 | 6464408 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Market is turning back down again maybe we can get a 3000-4000 point move today.  Anything is possible at this point.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:21 | 6464460 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

It would never be allowed. Apple would just announced the iTimePortal and send stocks to the moon.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:12 | 6464409 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

virtual portfolio? bug lulz

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:15 | 6464424 dildo o flaherty
dildo o flaherty's picture

Ron Insana

Steve Liarsman

Bernie Madoff...

Who made  these fookin names up to take the piss  while happily stealing our money?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:16 | 6464427 Mike Honcho
Mike Honcho's picture

Burn!

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:17 | 6464429 Banker Buster
Banker Buster's picture

What a douchebag.  I appreciate the honesty but anything you say you are doing with your virtual money means absolutely nothing.  Lets see how you do taking live rounds, step up to the plate little fella!

Cramer needs someone to come in and buy his f#$king dip.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:24 | 6464480 booboo
booboo's picture

I virtually laughed at this as I was writing a virtual check for my literal quarterly taxes.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:17 | 6464442 sgorem
sgorem's picture

no comment on what this dickhead, or any of his 'snake oil salespeople/cohorts', have to spew..................

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:17 | 6464444 YouThePeople
YouThePeople's picture

Mr. Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:43 | 6464997 optimator
optimator's picture

Shoulda.  Shoulda mentioned it last Thursday!

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:21 | 6464464 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Ron Insaney.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:21 | 6464467 greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

Get in line fucker.  Every internet stock prognosticator that I read, with the exception being zh, went to cash on Thursday and is selectively buying bargains today.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you went short gold at $1,850.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:22 | 6464469 davidalan1
davidalan1's picture

I remember when ronnie had a full head of hair, wonder if he tried to deny he was losing all of it back in the nineties--

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 23:58 | 6467207 mkhs
mkhs's picture

What you talking about, Willis.  He has a virtual head of hair.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:24 | 6464476 Dadburnitpa
Dadburnitpa's picture

Virtual tool.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:24 | 6464478 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

The questionof the hour is: Will the PPT come ack from their break and do a second rescue today....or...will they just wait til China tanks again and clean things up in the morning?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:24 | 6464481 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Sorry Ron. But you are NOT in the Club.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:25 | 6464484 ghostzapper
ghostzapper's picture

All good.  Some of the self-proclaimed tough guys on Fast Money currently manage $755 Billion each . . . . . and they each average gains of +125% for ten consecutive years.  

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:26 | 6464492 LetsGetPhysical
LetsGetPhysical's picture

I'm not a financial advisor, I just play one on TV. 

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:30 | 6464507 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Not the same.  Had it been real money (oxymoron of the day) greed could've easily had him long.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:31 | 6464511 behind the curtain
behind the curtain's picture

At one point, I also managed a virtual portfolio .. then my mommy told me to get off her computer and out of her basement.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:37 | 6464516 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture
Ron Insana Born Mar 31, 1961 Net Worth=Under Review Ron Insana is a reporter for Market Score Board Report with Ron Insana, syndicated by Compass, and a Senior Analyst and Commentator at CNBC. He was Managing Director of Insana Capital Partners from inception to collapse. He was the anchor of CNBC's "Street Signs", which aired weekdays during stock m... http://www.celebritynetworth.com/view/en/ron_insana/
Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:50 | 6464645 Baldrick
Baldrick's picture

he's just a virtual celebrity too.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:33 | 6464521 youngman
youngman's picture

If China is back down tonight....we go down again tomorrow....there is no good news out there...no interest rate hike in September...and that is not good news...shows everyone how bad our economy is....

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:34 | 6464524 Chippewa Partners
Chippewa Partners's picture

You simply can't make this stuff up.........    running a virtual portfolio.  

No doubt SEC registered.  

The guy is like a cold sore, he just won't go away......

 

 

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:55 | 6464677 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

I hope someone shoves a non-virtual spike into his diseased heart.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:35 | 6464532 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

What the hell is a Virtual Portfolio? Is that one of those pretend shadow trading portfolios that allows you to back trade to any position last week that would have made you a virtual fortune today? I guess that's fine as long as you're content to live inside your iPhone and Kindle Fire in a virtual world on Twitter and Facebook. 

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:36 | 6464541 redman38
redman38's picture

Ron is a tool

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:39 | 6464563 wingmann
wingmann's picture

In ron's defense...I did see him checking in to a Holiday Inn last Thursday.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:39 | 6464568 KashNCarry
KashNCarry's picture

Virtual insanity from the mind of a virtual personality...

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:50 | 6464647 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

These newspeople remind me of Max Headroom.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:53 | 6464669 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

Max had more credibility, authenticity ...

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:43 | 6464991 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Max Headroom was a man living before his time.

Didn't he start out in Coke ads?

Matt Frewer?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:40 | 6464574 gmak
gmak's picture

Me too. I went to cash and sold 1000's of e-minis in my mind, on Thursday. snort.

That's the trouble with modern technology. Live by the tweet, die by the tweet.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:49 | 6464640 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

Guys like Ron should be shiv'd.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:44 | 6465001 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

I sold my virtual portfolio and am now a virtual billionaire.

What the fuck. Think big.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:42 | 6464588 Pseudolus
Pseudolus's picture

 

Ok, so we know Flounders a tool...but look ZG=H, if hes only running a virtual book - well, thats impeccable positioning for these times.

Soon all 'wealth' will be virtual. Then notional.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:48 | 6464631 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

Ron is such a douche ...

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:49 | 6464637 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

This pathetic clown graduated from my high school... Chaminade Prep in canoga Park CA (Great school).  We alumni have erased his name from almost all school records, as he is a liar and a turd.  The bathroom for those with STDs is still named InsanaVille.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 14:52 | 6464662 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

She's going down again ...

"Piper down ... we have a piper down." - So I Married An Axe Murderer

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:11 | 6464776 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

What a complete Dick!

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:12 | 6464777 reTARD
reTARD's picture

One of these days, people will wake up to find out that their "real" portfolio was virtual all along.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:32 | 6464914 ramgold2206
ramgold2206's picture

Yep and that day is approaching real fast

www.teamramgold.com/about-us

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:18 | 6464811 JoJoJo
JoJoJo's picture

"Ron Insana keynote speaker at Las Vegas Global Gaming Conference attracted casino operators and exectutives from around the world"

"The keynote events kick off on Tuesday with award-winning journalist Ron Insana, who is expected to share his views about the state of the economy, and where the country is headed with a newly-elected president at the helm.

Insana is the former anchor of CNBC’s "Street Signs," has written monthly columns for USA Today and hosted a nationally syndicated radio program. He currently serves as a regular contributor on CNBC, offering color commentary on major market and political events." 2008 

https://gamingtoday.com/articles/article/18960-G2E_kicks_off_8th_expo_up...

 

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:32 | 6464912 JoJoJo
JoJoJo's picture

http://money.cnn.com/2013/12/13/investing/stock-market-game-invoost/inde...

Fantasy Football Meets the Stock Market

 CNNMoney

\

"The website hosts online stock market tournaments that are structured a lot like fantasy sport games: players pay a small entry fee, pick stocks in the Nasdaq-100 using $10,000 of virtual money and trade them in an effort to generate the best returns for a cash prize.

For example, one game that is currently running has a $10 buy-in fee and a $100 prize pool, while another has a $2 entry fee and winnings of $20. Some sponsored games are free to play and also offer cash prizes. We thought about naming Invoost one of CNNMoney's 15 best financial sites and apps. But it doesn't really help you manage your money. It's just cool"

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:27 | 6464881 who cares
who cares's picture

One of the biggest jerks you can unfortunately see on the TV screen.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:29 | 6464898 Irishcyclist
Irishcyclist's picture

That has to be one of the best names yet, Ron Insana

Tue, 08/25/2015 - 00:06 | 6467219 mkhs
mkhs's picture

You don't like Cliff Assness?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:31 | 6464904 ramgold2206
ramgold2206's picture

The only thing anyone should be managing right now is their stack of physical PM's. EVERYTHING else is utter shit until true price discovery

www.teamramgold.com/about-us

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:40 | 6464963 Vin
Vin's picture

Ron=Douche

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:01 | 6465025 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

So far Ron is 2 Douches, 1 Douchebag, a Tool, a complete Dick, and a virtual celebrity.

Oh yeah. And a liar and a turd.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 15:49 | 6465032 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

I think Ron and Maria are the same person.

Has anyone seen them together, recently?

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:26 | 6465300 NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

Waiting for him to apologize for acting like a complete ass to Peter Schiff as his counter-point every time on. Yeah, I'll be waiting forever

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:44 | 6465411 Navymugsy
Navymugsy's picture

Another washed up douche with zero skin in the game trying to tell YOU what to do with YOUR money. Fuck off Ron and please see Sy Sperling soon.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:49 | 6465448 optimator
optimator's picture

NO, he's telling you what you shudda done with your money.  He's a little late.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 16:50 | 6465454 Biff Malibu
Biff Malibu's picture

He's a Prankster Studio Gangster in the immortal words of my role model Eazy E

Hedgeye hahahaha...that was a good one.  Busters, they ain't no real muthaphuckin' G's like us.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 17:05 | 6465530 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

A virtual portfolio does not have to worry about a lack of liquidity, or worry that its position information is being sold to another party by its broker, or being front-run by a HFT firm or its own custodial broker. A virtual portfolio does not have to worry about security breaches on its internal network, Factset employees violating customer "firewalls" in order to benefit themselves.

In short, a virtual portfolio is not a portfolio at all, rather it is the delusions of a small mind.

No Ron, you did not fill your virtual order on "Thursday" on this planet Earth. Go crow about it on your virtual Second Life earth instead.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 18:46 | 6465958 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

LOL! What a colossal asshole! Then again, perfect for CNBC they're all a bunch of gussied up FED whores.

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 18:56 | 6466018 cjhoward71
cjhoward71's picture

The George Costanza of financial "news"

Mon, 08/24/2015 - 19:29 | 6466186 piloto caliente
piloto caliente's picture

This is the virtual genius who, some time after he abandoned his slicked-back Dracula wig, told his CNBC audience that Ron Paul knows nothing about economics.

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