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Guest Post: 10 Things I Hate About (You) Twitter Finance
"You" is used below to indicate "you people" on Twitter Finance. "You people" know who "you" are.
- When it comes time for a market correction you make sure to let everyone know that if they would have followed your advice, $29.99 newsletter, or real time alert they would have been fine and avoided disaster.
- You are an "expert" in every facet of the economy (Greece, oil, China, Central Banking) yet you graduated with an Art History degree from some community college and live in your parent's basement using Time Warner Cable's 5MB/s internet speed.
- You put #timestamps where #timestamps are not needed and then delete tweets when it turns out you were wrong.
- You tweet too much and don't click the buy button enough.
- After something bad happens, you tweet archaic quotes from 3rd century B.C. Roman poets that no one cares about. (e.g. "Fortune favors the brave." -Aenied)
- You consistently quote tweet or RT followers who give you praise for nailing the bottom. (e.g. Thanks! RT @XYZ Great call on $AAPL! Now I'm rich! You nailed it!)
- You say "I nailed it" way too much.
- You only post about the trades you made money on. You never post about the trades you lost money on. This is the oldest trick in the book to make people think you are actually good at what you do and that they should follow you. They shouldn't.
- You incorrectly say $STUDY and annoyingly use it too much.
- You post charts that look like this:
If you find that you are pointing to yourself on 5 or more of the bullet items above please delete your Twitter account immediately.
Thanks,
#Rampstamp
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At least it was a short article - didn't waste too much time.
Correct, plus I liked the way they combined 144 charts into one.
Saved the time reading all those charts.
Exactly why the fuck would I want or need a "Twitter" account? (What the fuck is a "Twitter" seriously?)
Man, you're really clueless!
Twitter?
What's that?
Why would I want to be a twit?
Looks like someone is trying to chart the market on an Etch-A-Sketch.
That type of charting is reserved for FED use only. And only the FED understands them, so they say. They shake them a lot, so nobody really knows for sure what goes on there at the end of the day.
never pictured you as a Hipster, Knuks.
so, tell us, should we too "buy the Tweeter", yes?
no not really.....
twit....er
or is it twat... oress ?
fart-book... twiter.... unless you are a mega corporation selling shit by the billions....
who needs any of these crap accounts... self promotion ?... lol
Not the place for those kind of questions.
If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
No twatter account, unfortunately.
If you have to ask, it is useless, i mean, you don't need it.
Fixed it for ya.
I've just found this really groovy website called Myspace or Myface...It's the future of the interwebs.
From what I've heard, it's something that 'Twits' use.
I don't even know where to look for a twitter. Ornithology?
Just avoid being 'twitter-pated!'
Ness,
You're right.
And that's EXACTLY the chart in number 10 I've been looking for!
DavidC
Barbara Walters sues Twitter over copyright infringment for the use of "Tweet" Says she created the word in a Paris "Tweet" Shop while shopping for Chocolate
Had to laugh, thanks. :-)
who cares about that bitch...
another useless arse licker that brings no substance to human existance
If you find that you are using twitter you should just delete your brain..
There, fixed it for ya.
NOPAT THIS MEANS YOU
Zerohedge is guilty of all of these except 7 (but instead says: "no one could have seen this was going to happen" and didn't graduate from a community college.
...just sayin.
I think that #7 was mistyped. It should have said "MOAR"
no facebook, no tweeter, just ZH for me
These people are a business extension of the banksters: and they’re dangerous to America's health: what kind of man will take everything America gives him and then sabotage her? A bankster pimp:
Mark Zuckerberg gives $5 million to undocumented immigrant college fund | CNN Money
The Facebook CEO and his wife, Priscilla Chan, gave the money to the "I'm In" campaign launched by TheDream.us, a national scholarship fund for undocumented immigrants.
The fund targets students who came to the U.S. as children and received Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival status, an immigration policy started by President Obama that gives them exemption from deportation and allows them to work.
Zuckerberg wrote on his Facebook page that he sees the fund's efforts as an important step in educating marginalized youth in America.
"America was founded as a nation of immigrants," he says. "We ought to welcome smart and hardworking young people from every nation, and to help everyone in our society achieve their full potential."
Zuckerberg said his donation will go to more than 400 undocumented immigrants in the San Francisco Bay Area over the next five years.
http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/17/news/companies/mark-zuckerberg-donation-dreamers-undocumented/
Wow, these kids, and that fund are going to be totally fucked when 'PresTrumpTM' 'TrumpsTM' them.
Those executive orders are going to come hard and fast, like a seventeen year old getting his first piece of ass, and we're all going to be the former prom queen.
Fucked, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, pissed off, used and devalued in real terms.
And to much of that.
#41
Exactly smart man!! world debt slave!!
and maybe some "Russian propaganda"
Dear author schadenfreude:
fuck yourself
Nailed It
What does it all mean
whats Twitter?
It's that scary place between the Twat & the Shitter...
It's a super hot stock, you should buy some. If you had bought my newsletter you'd know that....
formerly known as the taint. Taint pussy and taint asshole
Female version of the 'Taint'.
'Twitter' is the sound that birds make (you hear them better when they're in a flock). If you're patient, you can hear the Twitter as they fly overhead, and if you're really quiet, they'll land in the field right in front of you. Right when they start twittering again, all you have to do is point, aim, and...
'Sizzle' is the sound of formely-twittering birds as you roast them on the spit. Mom likes to add special seasonings, and it's Dad's job to gut and skin them (and pick out the buckshot). Me, I get to light the barbeque. MMM... Rock Cornish Game Hens tonight!
Birds really ARE stupid, you know. I mean, they navigate using magnetic lines of force and heightened senses of hearing and vision, but they're prone to flying into glass windows and landing in front of hunters and getting shot (a lot). LOTS of them around, though (millions upon millions). reminds me of all those incoherent voices on the CIA-NSA-MI6 tracked website of the same name.
Sorry, I exceeded my limit of 140 characters or less.
Nailed it, though.
Who do YOU think YOU are YOU Twit....urrrr?
Tell the truth. That's an old Zero Hedge chart. Right?
Old chart? For fucks sake, it looks just like eight charts in the last article I just read about three minutes ago
Any chance we turn this "fight club" themed blog to "Children of Men" for all the right reasons? It should not offend the current Tylers that much. We should be able to adapt even a little bit: as in every 5 postings, sneek in a different avatar instead of the cartoon movie stuff headers.
Delete my Twitter account? How ever will I change the "hearts and minds" of the unwashed masses without Twitter?
Twitter, a 55 BEEEELLYYYYOOONNN market capitalization mistake that is now the most historically useful tool for exposing idiots! Just look at what it did to Gilbert Gottfrieds career in the wake of the Tsunami that struck Japan in 2011!
I want my 30 seconds back. This was a waste of a post.
Dun't Gennysas post dem veedeos no murr?
On a more serious note I am A Forex Trader who communicates thru twitter with other friends/Forex traders and I could tell you for a fact the one of my Friends/FX trader tweeted out $ome big trades but mysteriously they were deleted.. Yeah that is right even he was surprise.. Makes me believe the NSA/CIA is forbidding certain documents to the public?? Face book is 100% created by the C.I.A, Zuckerberg is no genius but a copycat who stole the idea and is now a government troll. .Others before came on went away Myspace, AOL what is so great about facebook??? ZOMBIE NATION NEVER HAD FACEBOOK!!!! you ask me it's for the dummies Keep the masses in line to the slaughter house!!
In all honesty, my initial attraction to facebook was the ability to communicate with people around the world, and reconnect to family that I haven't talked to in decades.
To me it was Star Trek stuff. I remember a girl in Japan friending me, she was ten or so, and I told her to go talk to her mom about talking to strange men, she said she friended me because I seemed like a nice, grandpa, sort of guy. Go talk to your mom, kid. I AM an nice grandpa sort, but your parents need to know just who you are chatting with.
I think I joined facebook after I got on zerohedge. Previously, I was on NewsVine. Pretty vocal, many articles, many arguments. That's where I was prior to 2008 until I joined zerohedge around 2010.
Facebook froze my account, insisting I link my real name to the account, to reactivate it. Four months later the FBI showed up on my front porch. (January 2015) Over a post I made asking rhetorically "Who do we shoot first, Bankers or Politicians?" I had more to it, but that was the line that the FBI guy had in his folder. The comment was made in October 2014. Facebook had my yahoo.com account, and they linked it to my hotmail account from what they track in facebook. It was all on the FBI report I insisted on reading before allowing the officer to make a one step inspection of our house without a warrant. (He was nice, he understood I'm just a fat fuck that isn't about to fly off to DC and mount a two week vigil to take out politicians...can't afford it. And his one step assured him that I don't have Nazi flags on the walls, pistols and guns all over the place, and no severed heads on the coffee table.)
I took a hiatus from facebook on 01/01/15 after announcing it in October, prior to them locking my account. Under my real name I made the announcement, saying that I'm moving to Seen.IS. Disappointing after all this time. Too few left facebook.
In February, forget the date, my wife came to me saying "There's a bunch of flashlights and other things in our yard! You need to come check!!""
I pulled myself from some rant on ZeroHedge and went to the door. There were at least twenty sheriff's cars in my yard. They had blocked our driveway, they were across the street, on both neighbors yards...they were everywhere. But I didn't see a single cop. Looking two doors down to the right, I saw one cop standing outside the drug dealers house. I was >|< close to being swatted, until they realized they had the wrong address. To my right is about a thousand rounds of .45 frangibles, a .45 "AR" and 1911, a 12 guage pump shotgun bought in Florida in the 80's, a cane field machete, and a Marine Kbar.
A thud on my door would have brought all to bear (because I was actually sober at the time) from behind a 2" steel reinforced wall. (I have a couple of sections like this, four feet of 2" steel between the drywall at strategic points. My door entry has a wall on it's swing side that contains a 4" 4' x 4' section. I've yet to find a true steel door and encasement that will withstand a SWAT attack. Your house would literally have to be made of steel and I'm not in that position. [And we saw how that worked out on 9/11.] )
Got an FBI background check to participate in a request to assist Federal Prisoners making the transition back to public life by holding mock job interviews. Out of the private sector, hundreds applied, three passed. The rest were drafted public sector employees who were deffered any FBI scrutiny. My friend did the checks. She said I was surprisingly clean, squeeky clean, compared with everyone else. EVEN THE PUBLIC SERVICE EMPLOYEES THAT SHE IDLY CHECKED.
Now, I'm no saint. I've never been arrested, but have participated in the community, and have made a local name for my self (under two names) "Hey, You're the Oldphart's!!" (I once was minorly famous on facebook.) But to me, the idea that the Feds couldn't find more than three people in a population of about 300,000 that they, the federals, didn't have a problem with was astonishing. And the fact that those who work for the goobermint are exempt, yet still have records are accepted...is atrocious.
So fuck them all.
So...WTF...are you saying here OldPhart? Ha ha ha. Wow. I've resisted really slinging some crap on FB because I figured it was a front for the FBi anyway (or our universal system of Orwellian monitoring we now have set up in the USA - can't do universal healthcare, even close off a piece of desert between Texas and Mexico - but we can monitor 350 million people's billions of emails and phone conversations). What you've written is TRULY SCARY SHIT! If by blowing off some steam and writing about possible social issues in an unpoliticially correct way - or even suggesting that things could go south some day and result in random shootings of police officers and bystanders (wait - that's happening!) - results in the arrival of Rapid Response SQUAT teams to bust down the doors of old farts like you (and me - and proud of it) then we have crossed way over the line of true freedom (even writing this I am forced to admit to myself that even the thought that 'we' the 'people' ever had 'true freedom' laughable after - what - sometime in the late 80's - when did all of this PC shit start anyway?) into the nightmare lands of Orwell, Huxley and Vonnegut. Truly, it seems like the paranoids who used to whisper about 'the powers that be' and 'global consipiracies' and 'bilderburg' and 'one world governments' etc. can say "I NAILED IT!". Refreshing to hear that there are at least a few of us still out there whose stomach turns every time we open a newspaper, turn on the TV to CNN, CNBC (ooops - are they still even on the air), or read about Mt. Rushmore being renamed to Mr. Hussein. Or - has that not happened yet? Hang in there and keep your power dry. One thing - the government has provided great plans for underground bunkers - they call them tornado shelters. Safe Rooms for Tornadoes and Hurricanes,Guidance for Community and Residential Safe Rooms, FEMA P-361. But while something like this may keep you alive for a while - we won't be able to fight the goobermint, but it might keep you safe from the social chaos their policies are creating. Including the race war that Obama seems so intent on fostering. What if a million pissed off white guys drove up to Washington DC and demanded change now? Would they kill us all? Probably. I say - buy some farmland with water supplies, food and build up a good community of like minded individuals, pretty far from any large city. Good luck. Maybe you should move to Arkansas.
That chart contains the Secrets Of The Universe, you didn't expect it to be simple, didja?
Ashley compromised my twatter account.
finally a chart that maps my thought processes! thank you.
It's all true except, I really do make money. http://www.strategic-options.com/trade/open/month/August-15 Best trades of August...
(AHEM)
Tylers:
When I look at the chart, I recollect the old Rorscach testing of years gone by. THIS one looks slightly pornographic to me (lots of 'ins and outs' as well as 'ups and downs'). Since ZH is a family-oriented site, would you mind posting these on an alternate page (so that me and the wife can view them after the kids have all gone to bed)? I mean, I've HEARD the expression 'chartporn', but, well...
So this article is about Harry Dent?
"You consistently quote tweet or RT followers who give you praise for nailing the bottom" - I have never nailed the bottom yet somehow I consistently nail the tops
Note to self: "I really should consider becoming a short seller"
I used to trade in an office where an Italian guy used to use charts that looked like that. Funnily enough he was a good earner.