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"JPM Omen 2.0" Sparks Stock Pump'n'Dump After Crude Surges'n'Purges

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In the paraphrased words of JPMorgan's head quant, "We're halfway there" for the selling... and yes it appears "we are living on a [Fed/PBOC/ECB/BOJ] prayer"

But...the message from the mainstream media remains the same...

 

Everything trades on fun-durr-mentals... Spot The Difference!

 

Volume was terrible...

 

And once again they messed with VIX to ensure a green close for the S&P...

 

Here's your stock market today... in the words of one wizened trader "gamma bitches!"

 

Cash indices closed mixed with Small Caps and Nasdaq red...

 

And while Trannies briefly got into the green for the week, it did not last...

 

Some context for the bounce... The Dow is back at 50% of the loss...

 

Once again VIX was battered lower into the close - because why wouldn't you sell vol into tomorrow's cliffhanger payrolls print!!??

 

 

Once again credit markets moved lower first - leading stocks...

 

Treasury yields dropped on Draghi's QE promise then spiked along with stocks early on (30Y up to 2.98%) but bonds were quickly bid after that and closed modestly lower (note the steepening holding into tomorrow's payroll print)

 

The Dollar jumped as Draghi's QE promise sunk the EUR. USDJPY was unable to hold up its 120 tractor beam...(Note SEK roundtripped against the USD despite its actions)

 

Commodities were mixed but silver crude and copper all ramped early on.. only to giove it all back later...

 

Another day in paradise for crude traders as yesterday's purge-n-surge becomes today's surge-n-purge...

 

Charts: Bloomberg

Bonus Chart: About those nasty Chinese devaluers??

 

Bonus Bonus Chart: This is the worst 3 months for Risk-Parity funds since the financial crisis...

 

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Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:07 | 6506009 Big Beta Bill
Big Beta Bill's picture

FANG stocks finish lower before jobs data.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:15 | 6506040 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

They should change that to FAGN or GAFN or FAGooN or FAGNet

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:28 | 6506088 Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

The Chinese gov should imprison him

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:13 | 6506032 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

it's all good...even the bacon.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:04 | 6506540 KnuckleDragger-X
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

Just need a fresh roll of duct tape for tomorrow and then time for their weekend binge of whores and hopium.....

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:17 | 6506033 hobopants
hobopants's picture

Everybody is screaming "This fall", but after so many false alarms I have a feeling this shit show will continue on alot longer.

To paraphrase Zappa

The illusion of the market will continue as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will just take down the scenery, they will pull back the curtains, they will move the tables and chairs out of the way and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater.”
Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:20 | 6506067 khnum
khnum's picture

agreed it will be death by algorithm when they are ready,not human hands,when,how,why etc will be unexpected but not necessarily for a while yet

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:19 | 6506073 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Well I had to laugh at those Mayan Calendar doomers but the fourth Blood Moon in a tetrad that is the fourth to have ever occurred on major Jewish holidays? Dear God, this has to be it!

Miffed;-)

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:25 | 6506104 saints51
saints51's picture

I agree as I am hoping too. Nothing happens I will just slowly leave the ZH scene, grab a crown/coke, swallow the blue pill, and enjoy life like the rest of the zombie horde.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:43 | 6506184 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

if only it were that easy... a friend of mine stopped reading financial blogs like ZH, all news outlets including the web (funny considering he's a programmer and on the web all day) and he is much happier.  he knows the inevitable will come but doesn't care.  He figures he is single, has no debt and a house paid off and is relativiely intelligent working for a 100k give or take a few thousand....so his way of beating the system is not to particate in a 401k, ira, brokerage at all and spend his money on vacations in different parts of the world spending all his money so he loses no purchasing power in a savings account and spending on small mom and pop business owners as to not feed the corporate beast..

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:55 | 6506231 saints51
saints51's picture

I agree with him too. I think we all need a break from this website time to time. This place is addictive, but it is not the articles I'd miss, it is the members. I enjoy everyone's company even the trolls.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:24 | 6506360 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

It's nice to read things from people whose heads aren't mush.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:32 | 6506395 saints51
saints51's picture

It really is nice. I wish Zh had some convention we could all meet, but then I realized we would probably be black bagged and in Guantanamo that same day. Since we believe in the Constitution, we are the enemy and I am cool with that.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:44 | 6506442 3rdWorldTrillionaire
3rdWorldTrillionaire's picture

A ZH convention would be false-flagged for sure... and then blamed on us

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:01 | 6506521 Gambit
Gambit's picture

Amen, agree with all the comments above.   Most often I just read the title of the aricle and scroll down to the comments and I get the just of the article.  It's very rare that I meet people who are aware and capable of critical thinking. 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:38 | 6506907 TungstenBars
TungstenBars's picture

Yup. This site is an oasis of knowledge and hope.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:16 | 6506597 stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Only problem with that is he may just live to see retirement. Then what?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 20:59 | 6507157 Abbie Normal
Abbie Normal's picture

Then he can join the FSA or do a Logan's Run.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:35 | 6506694 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

Groundhog - Enourage to hedge wih the 3 B's. Buliion. bullets. beans. Then go have fun and enjoy the Dark Carnival cycle :) 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:52 | 6506206 Nothing Ever Happens
Nothing Ever Happens's picture

Shemitah ends on the 13th, Jade Helm on the 15th, so it's all going down on the 14th, Blackerest Monday. Or it would if there was any sense of dramatic justice in this shitshow. But there ain't, so it will be just another blue Monday and toss this latest expired omen on the pile.

 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:59 | 6506243 saints51
saints51's picture

Well let me get this out in the open before someone says the next end of the world date is.....

Shemitah ends this month but the Jubilee begins due to this being the 50 year in the cycle. I believe this jubilee is #70 and God loves the number 7. Last one of significance like this jubilee is supposedly 70AD and you can read about it when Paul writes to Titus who destroyed the temple in the new testament labeled "Titus".

I may be wrong on some of my facts so do check me and not take my word.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:23 | 6506627 MSimon
MSimon's picture

Last one of significance like this jubilee is supposedly 70AD

 

But what year was it in the Jewish calendar? Or maybe the Myan calendar, or Chinese calendar, is opperative. Everything needs to be recalculated. Or maybe a new calendar invented. 

 

Numerology is not easy. If it was everybody would be doing it.

Fri, 09/04/2015 - 15:33 | 6510791 Kaervek
Kaervek's picture

OK so you call yourself a critical thinker yet you believe the day of reckoning (global crash) will be chosen through religion and random numbers? This is so ridiculous I can't even begin to fathom what you're trying to say.

Yes it might be planned ahead of time, but still nothing to do with religion.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:10 | 6506297 indygo55
indygo55's picture

There's one guy who already made a killing on the Shemitah. Jonathon Cahn.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:43 | 6506434 ThatGuyFox
ThatGuyFox's picture

Johnathon Con....you mean

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:44 | 6506435 ThatGuyFox
ThatGuyFox's picture

Never waste a good crisis...even a hypothetical one

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:32 | 6506894 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Like all charlatans; he mixes some truth with obvious lies and makes a ton of $$$ on the unregenerate Christian (no such thing really, for they are self-deceived) & the mystical types.  We, as a nation and a world, are already under God's judgment; you have to be brain dead not to see that.

 

Where is the chart that shows the direct correlation from biblical authority and the disintegration of the nation?  It is shaped like this ( < ) with the upward trend of immorality corresponding to the disposition of godliness.  It is man's history and for most; their demise.

 

Therefore as man believes technology and accolades means he is evolving (humanism is the religion); the few see the veracity of the word of God as man descends into a immoral sewer so bad that a NYC rat would turn the other way.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:28 | 6506117 khnum
khnum's picture

The Shemitah is only a week away,but just like the millenium and 2012 I fear all that will happen is that some books,cds and survival stuff gets sold

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:26 | 6506647 MSimon
MSimon's picture

Next thing to look for is the shmata.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:21 | 6506859 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

If you are reconciled to Christ; none of it matters because He has already overcome all evil; including most of you.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:52 | 6506946 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh man.  So now I got nothing to look forward to?
Well, there's always the Rapture or Opening of the 7th Seal

Fri, 09/04/2015 - 00:48 | 6507854 ThatGuyFox
ThatGuyFox's picture

a dishtowel?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:30 | 6506118 hobopants
hobopants's picture

"The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable"

-Some asshole economist

 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:30 | 6506126 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

Actually...

http://cosmicconvergence.org/?p=11090

There is something to it, but the question is: will something come FROM it? The more people that are aware, the less impact it will have - if there was anything to it to begin with.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:59 | 6506796 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Who is to say the Mayan calendar was wrong?  It was the end/beginning of ages.  Perhaps TPTB had a quick Facetime and decided on their final steps for transition and here we are today.  I realize it all started long ago but maybe that was the day they all finally agreed to pull the plug on the old way and finally take over the entire world or destroy it.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:20 | 6506854 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Also, since there was no year zero; are we not actually in 2014?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:26 | 6506638 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

I don't believe the music on the Titanic ever stopped.  They just kept playing until they were underwater.

 

Expect more of the same.

 

Also expect the same actions of the few .01% as they do the present day equivalent of dressing up like ladies to get onto the lifeboats.  At least those not already on safe land.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:03 | 6506808 xcehn
xcehn's picture

It's the endgame now. The PTB are losing control of the shit show. Savour every day of relative normalcy left.

"Market history tells us that regardless of the Central Banks’ intentions to drive the market higher, the overall market can overwhelm the Central Banks. Last Monday [August 24th Dow 1,000 point intra-day crash] is an example of that. – Craig “Turd Ferguson” Hemke on Shadow of Truth"

http://investmentresearchdynamics.com/sot-56-craig-hemke-the-existing-gl...

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:13 | 6506038 holgerdanske
holgerdanske's picture

These stick saves towards the end seem to be more difficult to achieve.

I think the house of cards is about to come down.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:17 | 6506057 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

They do seem to become more expensive by the day...

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:00 | 6506800 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Yeah those 1s and 0s are costly.

 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 20:14 | 6507016 runningman18
runningman18's picture

They are costly.  And the cost comes in the form of lost market faith, which is the only currency that matters now...

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:27 | 6506115 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Agreed. 90% chance this month, 100% chance this year.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:34 | 6506141 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

Yup. In fact, I think the only question at this point is: is Jesus a Pleaidian, an Acturian, a Sirian, or a shadow government GMO black-budget human who will decend on a black-budget space ship to take us all to Nirvana?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:01 | 6506802 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

The first one will be a fraud.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:54 | 6506950 knukles
knukles's picture

Project Blue Beam

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:06 | 6506820 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Repent or die in your sin and spend your eternity with Jamie Dimon and Barrack Obama; really.

 

Who do you say Jesus Is?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBfcnp0dcKM

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:41 | 6506170 theoilyboy
theoilyboy's picture

I never thought this charade could go on so long but given that it has I don't understand why it cant continue longer. Why do you think this month is the month that things come unhinged?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:07 | 6506277 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

Not speaking for Team, but this is why *I* think something might happen this month: http://cosmicconvergence.org/?p=11090

Just scroll down to that chart which shows all the crashes that have happened every seven years since 1966. That alone is creepy enough to warrant further investigation.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:04 | 6506810 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Now you just pushed it into 2016.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:16 | 6506054 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

"Float On"       by Modest Mouse

I backed my Swiss trade into a pin-bar the other day
Well it missed my stop, sometimes life's OK
My margin fell off a bit too much, oh what can I say
Well, the clerk just laughed it off, said it’s OK

And the tenge floats on OK, and the ruble floats on OK
They'll all float on anyway

A fake QE rumor took out every last stop with that slam
Not worth it to try to beat their sleight of hand
Bad news comes but only shakes out the weak hands
It’s good news that will waylay all your plans
The aussie and euro dived on exactly the same day
Well the yuan floats on, no news is good today

And we'll all float on OK
Already we'll all float on alright
Don't worry if your margin ends up a bit too heavy
We'll all float on alright

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:25 | 6506106 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

Do they float?

Float? The clown’s grin widened. 'Oh yes, indeed they do. They float! And there’s cotton candy...'

Georgie reached...

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:31 | 6506129 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

Sorry, Mr. S., I've never read any Stephen King, but if you'd have quoted Kafka, Nietzsche, Joyce or Pynchon, I might have gotten the reference.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:01 | 6506255 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

I'm busy hunting down old copies of scholarly works authored by Jim Jam Jems.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:16 | 6506325 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

...he says to Schopenhauer, who authored:

"...all human action (is) the product of a blind, insatiable, and malignant metaphysical will."

I think he had something there...

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:03 | 6506809 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

The only choice a natural human has is "what sin shall I commit" and just do it.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:47 | 6506459 goldpercent
goldpercent's picture

Well done

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:22 | 6506083 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

I could really use a lot less of the JPM references. They are responsible for this fucking mess and will be the ones selling and making money shorting this bastardized farce of a "market".

Fuck you Dimon and your useless minions.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:32 | 6506672 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

The only news I want to hear about Jamie Dimon is how long his legs twitched when he was hung.

Otherwise fuckem.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:23 | 6506089 SSRI Junkie
SSRI Junkie's picture

bring on deer herd friday

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:25 | 6506099 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

anybody shorting the market at the start of football season through New Years hates money

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:27 | 6506112 polo007
polo007's picture

According to MarketWatch.com:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/panel-of-ex-fed-officials-say-no-rate-h...

Panel of ex-Fed officials say no rate hike will come at September meeting

Published: Sept 3, 2015 1:46 p.m. ET

By Greg Robb

Senior economics reporter

The global economic outlook has worsened since the Federal Reserve’s last meeting in July, which will lead the U.S. central bank to hold off on lifting interest rates in September, a panel of former Fed officials agreed Thursday.

The global economic situation has deteriorated and “not by a trivial amount,” said Joseph Gagnon, a former Fed staffer and now senior fellow at the Peterson Institute for International Economics.

Global stock markets are down 5% to 10% since the Fed last met, and the dollar is up 2% on a broad trade-weighted basis, he noted.

“The Fed has cultivated this recovery so carefully, with such enormous effort, for over the last seven years — are you really going to take the risk in this environment with unstable global financial markets and real macroeconomic questions about the global outlook that are not just about volatility?” asked Julia Coronado, chief economist at Graham Capital Management .

The former Fed officials spoke at a panel discussion sponsored by the Brookings Institution.

Jon Faust, a professor of economist at Johns Hopkins University and a former adviser to Chairwoman Janet Yellen, said Fed officials will delay, awaiting the “macrosignal” behind the recent market turmoil.

Donald Kohn, who served at the Fed for 40 years and ended up as its vice chairman, said two things would make him hesitate to hike rates if he were voting at the September meeting: very low inflation and low market expectations of a September move due to recent market volatility.

Kohn said he would want the Fed statement after its September meeting to stress that rates will rise before the end of the year. “That will help build in the expectation of higher rates later this year and put that in the markets, so when I finally did move it wouldn’t be such a surprise,” he said.

Fed officials have argued that the timing of the first rate hike doesn’t matter as much of the path of interest rates. They have stressed that the rate path is likely to be a gradual one.

Coronado took issue with this, saying it was “not entirely true for the markets that translate Fed policy.” A September move would be a “big surprise” and viewed as a “policy mistake,” she said.

Coronado said there were less than 20% chance of a rate hike in September. Gangnon, Kohn and Faust said the odds were higher but still less than 50%.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:27 | 6506114 cherry picker
cherry picker's picture

In the 3rd world kidnapping for ransom is a popular pastime.

I personally know a few former kidnap victims.

When times get tough, those at the helm of $ better watch out for the needy and angry will be looking for them :)

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 16:28 | 6506119 saints51
saints51's picture

Just the participation in this article discussion is all you need to know. Last week the daily close blog post was like the Apocalypse begun. Now its back to your regular schedule tv program. This is usually when muppets get slaughtered.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:13 | 6506307 Lumberjack
Lumberjack's picture

Who needs the Olympics when we have Tom Brady!

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:20 | 6506617 TongueStun
TongueStun's picture

It's a shame 99% of Americans can't do a 7th grade proportion

 

P1V1/T1=P2V2/T2

 

The entire thing was a hoax....ever heard of bread and circuses?

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:59 | 6506794 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

1 + 1 = 3

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:16 | 6506323 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

The only thing that is happening is the primary dealers and the HFT traders are playing ping pong with a Fed/BIS built robot.

There are no muppet customers.

There are no pension funds with any political capital.

It's just one robot bouncing a ball back to another robot.

And just like the occasional router or server, the configuration is so complex nobody understands how it works so they just unplug it for a few minutes and reset back to "normal."

If that kind of "market" gives YOU confidence then trade away!

 

 

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:17 | 6506326 adr
adr's picture

What I see is that crude is still up $9 from the start of that end of August fuckjob we went through.

The intraday moves are meaningless if it means over the course of a week crude ends up 40% higher.

Consumers are being ass raped by a San Francisco S&M porno director.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:56 | 6506785 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Most Americans support AS* Raping; note the corporate sponsors and how many out there use these routinely?  You wonder how a small fraction can have such a great impact. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWZBKMwFSH0

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:48 | 6506468 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

Everything is fine. No problems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlVmdGiAH2A

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 17:53 | 6506487 DaVinci
DaVinci's picture

That alone should tell everyone that this whole business is a scam.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:01 | 6506523 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

...cliffhanger payrolls print = lulz

You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe... [/Morpheus]

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 18:31 | 6506669 kristian01
kristian01's picture

sure...as opposed to the first day they published that nonsense last Thursday

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:26 | 6506873 TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

Just so long as they can get SPY in the 200-202 range before the front month hedges roll off in two weeks we are all good.

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 19:27 | 6506880 Fizzy Head
Fizzy Head's picture

long time lurker here folks, finally got off my lazy ass and signed up for an accoount... Reason? It's one of the few places I enjoy reading the comments as much as the articles. My 2 unknown matrerial cents is I can clearly see where this high stakes poker market is headed, and it's for fools and the 1%, (and a few lucky suns a biches that can't help being lucky) I l on the other hand that doesn't have a lucky bone in my body, prefer to keep the hard earned denarius in my errr, secret hiding spots where I know it's real and will be there when the curtains drop. We all know it's coming and mathematically inevitable... So until that day arrives, stack happy my fellow smarty pants!

Thu, 09/03/2015 - 20:06 | 6506992 ThrowAwayYourTV
ThrowAwayYourTV's picture

ZH, you're scaring the crap outta me posting a video of men in tight jeans and perms.

Heres a better one.

https://youtu.be/OnFMQ2NAgyk

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!