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Humpday Humor: Fox News Anchor Sues For "Emotional Damage" Over Toy She 'Thinks' Looks Like Her
Submitted by SM Gibson via TheAntiMedia.org,
Stop. Take a deep breath…Okay, are you sitting down? What you are about to read is real — far too real. For the sake of humanity, I would love to tell you that the following paragraphs were constructed as satire meant to mock a mainstream mouthpiece who regurgitates a corporate agenda for a living. Sadly, this story isn’t satire.
One topic both the right and left have begun to exceedingly agree upon in recent years is that anchors, pundits, and the various players in “oldstream” media are no more to be trusted than a man adorned with a pencil thin mustache, top hat, flowing cape, and a nagging habit with which to tie genteel damsels up to train tracks. No matter who you think is the most vitriolic newsperson today, when it comes to pure absurdity, one Fox News anchor has recently surpassed the insanity of her colleagues and officially jumped the shark.
Harris Faulkner, co-host of Outnumbered on Fox News and anchor of Fox Report Weekend, is suing toy manufacturer Hasbro for five million dollars because she claims a plastic hamster in the Littlest Pet Shop line they produce infringes on her likeness.
The lawsuit, which was filed in a New Jersey district court, is claiming Harris has suffered “commercial and emotional damage” over the children’s toy.
The name given to the little canary colored inanimate rodent by Hasbro designers is in fact Harris Faulkner, but that is where the similarities end — at least to anyone with a functioning brain.
As for Faulkner and her legal team, they believe — according to court documents — that the harmless toy bears a “physical resemblance” to the award-winning journalist, specifically its complexion, make-up design, and eye shape.
While no one at the Anti-Media can either confirm or deny that the Fox news anchor is constructed of plastic, she certainly is not yellow with gigantic blue eyes…or a hamster with a butterfly in her hair.
It would also appear that Mrs. Faulkner believes she is the only person on the planet legally allowed to posses her name.
Her lawyers state:
“Harris Faulkner, the uniquely named, acclaimed veteran journalist and author, has worked for decades to establish and maintain her personal brand and laudable professional reputation.”
“(Hasbro) willfully and wrongfully appropriated Faulkner’s unique and valuable name and distinctive persona for its own financial gain,”
they added.
The suit also claims the television host is “extremely distressed” due to the “choking hazard” risk the toy bearing her namesake poses to children.
Hasbro has pulled the toy from its online store, but the product is still available to purchase on various other websites.
The silver lining is that if you’ve been in search of information regarding world affairs delivered by a news anchor who also thinks she is a hamster, you need look no further.
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Hey, it could be worse. Like, gerbil.
Beaver.
At least, she'd have a song...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=136cNGNd7Yg
She's off her meds... but I'd still hit it.
and get handcuffed to the headboard
okay
An amazing resemblance.
Though, she is slightly taller. Just sayin...
The two are completely disproportionate... there's no resemblence whatsoever:
http://www.bodymeasurements.org/harris-faulkner/
I can guarantee she ain't no 123 lbs. Maybe when she was 8 y.o.
hmmm... purrfect...
so where is the link to the hacked nude selfies? trust but verify----
What the fuck kind of deranged morons came up with, and use, that garbage? "Hurr... people want to know about famous peoples body size... right?!"
Hell in a handbasket indeed.
"The name given to the little canary colored inanimate rodent by Hasbro designers is in fact Harris Faulkner"
Hasbro DESERVES to be sued for naming a kids toy, Harris Faulkner!
But But hasbro already trade marked the name Harris Faulkner ,
does that mean she can still sue hasbro ? I am not a lawyet but i guess hasbro knows what they are doing and they know how to protect their business, but but this can be a simple advertising trick agreed by Mrs Harris Faulkner to sell more products.....you never know..
see link http://www.bonanza.com/listings/Littlest-Pet-Shop-LPS-Benson-Detwyler-Ha...
I hope she gets all her money cause she's hot and I'd do her in a second.
But these guys even named that toy after her and it was stupidly blatant. She even told them to knock it off and change the name and they just told her to fuck off! They could have renamed it, but no. So she sued and deserves every penny.
But there's no likeness. None. Zero. She's delusional to say there is.
But there's no likeness. None. Zero. She's delusional to say there is.
She just ruined herself, she will have to resort to doing porn with Dees Nuts next.
I'll see your $5 million commercial and personal damage lawsuit and raise you a $100 million slander, libel and trademark infringement!!
Hamster is said to be a racist term for an African American.
According to blacks, every term is racist except when they call each other niggas
Never heard that before. But moments like this are when I learn such elements of informal culture. Thanks.
No one can ever say ZH is not educational!
or that it's not funny
Poof and its gone lol
Quick look at the wiki.... her father was Lt. Col. Bob Harris.
Married to Tony Berlin.
How does she come up with the name Harris Kimberly Faulkner?
I'm thinking her name really is Kimberly Harris.
That's a commoner's name. Twist things around, throw in a cool sounding last name, some make-up, and ta-da - ready to hit the teleprompter.
Maybe she 'idenitifes' with hamsters?
A trans-hamster type of kinky thing.
I think she identifies with being a deluded narcissist. "Only I get to use MY name."
Hasbro should fight this one hard.
Can't wait 'til thigh gap Thursday.
I sense a class action suit coming, and everyone who thinks they look like a hampster will soon be rich.
I am confused. Is it Hairy Hampster Harris suing this lady for looking like him, or, is it Harris Hairy Armpits the presstitute, suing Hairy Hampster Harris for being a better journalist than she is...?
If you stare at both pairs of eyes long enough you can sort of get it.
The toy hamster is hotter!
Does the toy have male or female genitalia?
The jury will want to know.
the emptiness?
"...are no more to be trusted than a man adorned with a pencil thin mustache, top hat, flowing cape, and a nagging habit with which to tie genteel damsels up to train tracks."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q83Jqd2h0Yg
Well Chris Christie looks like the clown from spawn but hes not suing
It was part of Hasbro's Pawsabilities product line which was meant to offer hope to minority children in American. Taking a cue from Obama himself she chose instead to take that message of hope and monetize it for her own personal benefit.
I'm going to sue her since her cunt looks too much like my turd after yesterdays falafel.... smells the same also (+5 million usd)
It's hard to say, being she's wearing clothes and the hamster is not.
Good point, I'm going to have to see the plaintiff with nuffin' on and on all fours for me to render a sound opinion on the matter.
"Black News-Anchors Faces Matters"
#blacknewsanchorfacesmatter.
Yes I can see the retardation resemblance.
She looks like she either is, or was a dude.
All I see is another Empty Kitchen! Sad Really....
I clicked..
NYPD used to call black people hamsters..
S/he has the same name as the toy hamster..
Where is Jackie Chiles when you need him??
Yo face is my case!
Wut, no beavuh?
Anyone who files retarded lawsuits needs to be executed.
I think Michelle Obama should sue for this.... Yeah I know, I'm going to burn in hell.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=wookie+toy&ia=products&iai=B003K32ODUhttp%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F51herdyz2WL.jpghttp%3A%2F%2Fecx.images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F51herdyz2WL._SL160_.jpg
Everybody is fair game in comedy.
Oh man! Give me some warning next time. I was just starting on my lunch, now it's all over the keyboard. That is way too funny. Don't worry, we'll all be having a roaring good time in hell.
Of course that aging face caked with makeup is jealous of the cute fresh-looking toy that stole her name. But when she loses her job to a younger fresher looking face soon, it won't be the toy's fault.
Her lawyers state:
“Harris Faulkner, the uniquely named, acclaimed veteran journalist and author, has worked for decades to establish and maintain her personal brand and laudable professional reputation.” 'However, at this time we would like to extract our good name from this looney hamster and forward all her paperwork to anyone wishing to handle her case at this moment.'
her lawyer
"The first thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers."
- William Shakespeare
Now that she mentioned it I think I do see a likeness...
Hasbro should make a dildo called the Dana Perino.
She needs to amend the claim
Add that they both crawl up rectal cavities
We'd still have to see what she looks like with a white jism covered chin and nasal area
F
PLEASE SHOOT ME.
I can't live in this Hemisphere any more. There are too many retards with delusions of grandeur.
You rang?
Bang, bang, bang.....
On the facts, this will be dissmissed on summary judgement.
harmless toy bears a “physical resemblance” to the journalist, specifically its complexion, make-up design, and eye shape.
The toys eyes are round and fill 50% of its face. HF's eyes are almond shaped and tiny. Complexion: tan vs. dark brown. Make up design: are you kidding, it's a toy! Other things: toy's head shape is horizontal, HF's is vertical, hair is as different as can be. One thing matches though, HF's ears do sit on top of her head.
Make-up design - that should include her painted-on eyebrows, the toy has none.
Is it a monkey or is it an ape?
Goddamn toy is white. What she ain't looked in a mirror recently.
Harris Faulkner is a black woman who self identifies as white.
She's on the friggin' Fox news channel for fucks sake!
Yes, plus she occasionally wears blue contancts and does her hair in a mohawk.
If she feels white then she is white
- Jackie Chiles
Fox News has seriously jumped the fucking shark. I read over the weekend that Murdoch thinks "crazy" Joe Biden would be a great presidential candidate.
They have batshit crazy Megyn Kelly and that blabber mouth Bill O'Rielly to round their looney asylum for all the war mongering rinos.
I used to occasionally watch them, but they're so fucking retarded with the Jerry Springer talkshow format, it's unbearable.
It is unbearable - but I live outside the US and receive my tv via Sky satelite (Fox). I get Fox/CNN and Bloomberg (in English). I don't watch Fox so much but do find it interesting how they have had a Monday morning Trump interview every week for a long time.
LMFAO!!!!!
What is Harris acclaimed for?
Oh, I meant the "journalist", not the hamster.
She was part of an all minority news team in the twin cities,
jokingly referred to as "The Spook and the Gook".
Oh now I see. I stopped looking at her tits and legs and now I see she does in fact have crazy ass eyes.
That Hamster, like any gerbil, would more likely be up Shepard Smith's alley.
Isn't she the dude on SNL that does the impressions?
‘
‘
‘
OH! You can totally see the resemblance, eh?
The blue eyes! Oh… No…
The tan coloured skin! Umm… Nope.
The mohawk! No… No…
The ear rings!
The pink nose!
Wait! I’ll get it! Wait…
•?•
V-V
I get it !! It's a big-eyed pussy.
I wonder if Fox encourages this sort of thing of their employees to bring attention to the company ?
The toy looks exactly like her. I hope she wins many millions.
the important part of the story was left out. the hamster was called the Harris Faulkner Hamster toy.... why in the world would Hasbro use that name?
It could be something as simple as an employee who is responsible for naming dumb toys running low on creativity one day hearing the her name and using it. I doubt a bunch of Hasbro execs were sitting around a table and decided to play a racist prank by creating and naming a hamster toy that looks nothing like her. If a employee did it intentionally as a racist prank it is a huge fail because very few would be likely to make the link and the toy has zero African American features. The similarity is in name alone and I have never once heard of blacks being referred to as hamsters. I imagine Hasbro is pissed and some guy is losing his job either because of a coincidence or lazyness.
She flatters herself - at least the TOY does have SOME appeal !!
Hopefully, her case is thrown out on motion, and she is also penalized with having to pay D's attorney costs for bringing a frivolous suit.
fuckable, though, anyway.
I got one for under 20 bucks--they're as much as a hundred now. If it goes on late-nite Tee-Vee sky's the limit.
Your business can use the ™ symbol whenever it wishes to claim a trademark. You do not need to file any paperwork to receive permission to use the ™ symbol. Use of the ™ symbol can put your competition on notice that your business considers a mark to be your trademark.
http://howconceptual.com/tm-symbol/
Good job!!! Hasbro has cash and lots of smart people that could have branded better - a stuffed fucking toy for that matter.
Hasbro are a bunch of fucking idiots. Sue their fucking asses and win Harris.
Brian Goldner, CEO of Hasbro - go fuck yourself and your $15M fuck off income.
http://www1.salary.com/HASBRO-INC-Executive-Salaries.html
That cute 'n cuddly hamster looks like the Fox bimbo?
She should be so lucky!
I think Yellen looks like a Cabage Patch Kid. Might be a lawsuit there.
Will she fit in Richard Gere's ass?
With a little help from her friends
Hey, if Baltimore settles for $6.4 million with Freddie Gray's family, why can't Harris Faulkner get her fair share too?
I think Yellen looks like a Cabage Patch Kid. Might be a lawsuit there.
more like Captain Kangaroo
Okay really? This should be thrown out of court on basis alone. People shouldn't be allowed to waste taxpayer's money on studpidity like this. This reminds me of the McDonald's lady who claimed she did not know coffee was "hot". Ridiculous. Where does it end?
She got paid off - that is why this will never end...
Running to the nearest Toys R Us or Walmart - checking out the toy section...if there is anything that resembles me in the $$$$
Welcome to the Land of Confusion/Conflict
The hamster does not look Canadian..
However, it does look like the last cock Harris sucked is stuck in the throat..
I'll thinking this acclaimed journalist knows a lot about choking, but that would be sexist of me to say.
And in a related development.....
Citing emotional trauma and sleepless nights, the Wicked Witches Of The West - Hillary, Samantha & Nuldelman-Kagan - have filed a class-action anti-defamation suit against MGM for its derogatory depiction of the Wicked Witch Of The West in The Wizard Of Oz...
This is why I love ZH - funniest and witty comments - LMFAO
Hope the entire FOX News team files similar lawsuits....killing me
I wonder if the [Harris Faulkner] little toy sprays the room with bullshit like the original, when you squeeze it?
delicate golden piddle...
do they both have four legs or is she just on her knees?
Watch out Mattel... my name is Ken
And I am going to sue you retrospectively for using MY name.
And it ain't going to be cheap
I'm thinking $50 million plus emotional damages growing up knowing you copied my likeness BEFORE I was born!
I am worried. Is she going to sue me for my Avatar ? I would be willing to give Harris a good faulking ij lieu of the suit.
She's suing Hasbro because they used her name without permission. Did none of you read the story?
I want them to use my name!!! I'll let them do it for free!!! ANY publicity is good publicity!!!!
While the zio-gov steals from us to give to them...
They bitch because they "dont not get enuf" of SNAP and EBT and given protected status by the zio-gov wherever they throw trash....
She's a fuckin ingrate! Typical.
She's suing Hasbro because they used her name without permission. Did none of you read the story?
The hamster can't be too happy being compared to a plastic, robotic humanoid.
Alrighty then, and I used to think she was hot, but now she's a not!
Any credibility Ms. Fuckner had is gone!! The Toy company should file a counter lawsuit... the doll looks much better!!
NUTS!
Oh-oh... I have 3 XXXL old yellowish-brown pillows... that when placed together look quite similar to Faulkner's massive buttocks... I think I'll wipe my server just to be safe...
Can we PLEASE, for the love of christ, PLEASE SEND THESE NIGGERS BACK TO SPEARCHUCKLAND?
It is absolutely no surprise that there are entire websites dedicated to the abject stupidity of these functional retards.
Blacks are the lowest on the mean IQ totem pole, and I see evidence of it every single day in their behavior and actions. Specifically unique to negros only.
This is just one more example.
The shit that is happening is becoming overly annoying.
That cute little hamster should be upset, saying he looks like the TV bimbo....
Suing Hasbro??? I thought she already has hasbro at home!
She's right - they both look 'plastic' to me - and I do 'choke' on her words.
She won't be the first or last news reader to go bonkers.
It's even more fun when they do it on air.
"DrainBamaged"
I can't bleve she and her lawyers didn't play the race card....
I mean - HasBRO? If that toy mfg name isn't racist, I don't know what is!
I think she should sue HasBRO for insinuating she's a he. By direct implication - they named their toy after her in an obvious slam at her swarthy black he-she looks.
I think my legal logic is just as good as hers....
Just another Liberal agenda to take down someone that's not towing the line. What is the likely hood hat someone would come up with a toy named Harris Faulkner. Zero Bitchzees!
Just another Liberal agenda to take down someone that's not towing the line. What is the likely hood hat someone would come up with a toy named Harris Faulkner. Zero Bitchzees!
“Harris Faulkner, the uniquely named, acclaimed veteran journalist and author, has worked for decades to establish and maintain her personal brand and laudable professional reputation."
Decades to establish. Minutes to destroy.
She now has considerably less credibility than Ron Burgundy.
One vote for Hillary right here!
Weird. My penis is named Harris Faulkner.
I see a resemblance: One is a pussy and the other has a pussy.
Black privilege strikes again. Sistah Gimmedat.
Personally, I am suing China for over 6 gorillion dollars for producing this thing that resembles my likeness.
http://image.made-in-china.com/2f0j00yZbtMozrZUce/Mine-Dump-Truck-Half-C...
I'm prolly mistaken but I do see a resemblance to the Negro-in-Chief. Especially having a unique name.
I smell a 'bear raid' by Fox on Hasbro.
I'm thinking of an 'art' project called 'Creative Lawsuits'
I'm sure the possibilities are endless.
They don't have to actually go anywhere or have any merit, they just have to be funny and get a whole lot of media coverage!
Ha! Too Funny! "Choking Hazard"? Yeah, nearly Choked on my beer laughing at this! Hasbro should have No Problem Defending themselves. Yes, Your Honor, the "Harris Faulkner Hampster Doll" is a piece of art, clearly protected as a Parody.
Harris Faulkner
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harris_Faulkner
Honors and awards
Faulkner has received six Emmy Awards including the 2005 Emmy for Best Newscaster and Best News Special.
~//~
Fox News’ Harris Faulkner Sues Hasbro For $5M Over Harris Faulkner Hamster
http://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/fox-news%E2%80%99-harris-faulkner-sues-...
https://pmcdeadline2.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/harris-faulkner-hasbro-...
BACKGROUND
1. Harris Faulkner, the uniquely named, acclaimed veteran journalist and author, has worked for decades to establish and maintain her personal brand and laudable professional reputation. Without Faulkner’s prior knowledge or consent, Defendant Hasbro, Inc. (“Hasbro”), a multi-billion dollar toy company, willfully and wrongfully appropriated Faulkner’s unique and valuable name and distinctive persona for its own financial gain—by creating, manufacturing, and distributing for sale a plastic toy hamster named “Harris Faulkner” as part of Hasbro’s “Littlest Pet Shop” product line (the “Harris Faulkner Hamster Doll”). The packaging for the Harris Faulkner Hamster Doll includes a “TM” symbol after Faulkner’s name which, according to the packaging’s language, falsely signifies that Hasbro claims a United States trademark interest in Faulkner’s name, when it in fact owns no such interest, registered or otherwise. The packaging also contains a warning that the Harris Faulkner Hamster Doll is a “CHOKING HAZARD.” By its unlawful actions, Hasbro has implied—falsely—Faulkner’s association with, approval, and endorsement of Hasbro and/or the Harris Faulkner Hamster Doll and has violated Faulkner’s right to control the use of her name and likeness. Through these actions, Hasbro has caused substantial commercial and emotional damage to Faulkner. Accordingly, Faulkner brings this action against Hasbro to recover damages for direct and contributory acts of unfair competition in contravention of § 43 of the Lanham Act and for violation of her right of publicity pursuant to New Jersey’s common law.
There's someting not right with her.Something's wrong.She's in need of mental health counselling.Ya think?
Looks just like any other nigga bitch to me after another night of blowing johns and smokin crack.
This bitch got issues, thinking she a fucking plastic hamster.
We just dont need no more mad uppity bitches like this
Surest symptom of a self absorbed (Evil) Prog.
She's afraid no one will be able to tell her from a plastic hamster? Seriously?
Even if she thought so you would think she would want to keep it quiet.
It's the lips that give it away.
Ah likes d'eyes, 'n da sexy mouf...aftah yous goes black, ain' nobuddy ca getchahback...
The plastic toy is going to turn into the must have item for Christmas. the company will milk this for all its worth...
jb
wow....she doesn't look old enough to be caught up this deep in menopause.....yep...all the classic signs.