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Friday Humor: ISIS Fighter Upset At Group's Lack Of Cell Phone Charger Etiquette
Late in July, we remarked, with some amusement, that Jihadi John, the ISIS executioner who became famous for his starring roles in slick videos depicting the beheading of Westerners, was leaving the terrorist group because he feared other members - let’s just call them “jealous jihadis” - would kill him out of envy.
As Jihadi John’s story makes clear, it’s not all kittens and Nutella for members of ISIS, and indeed, even among brothers-in-arms united in the global war against the “Great Satan” and its allies, not everyone gets along.
Well, it turns out that pettiness within ISIS isn’t confined to jealousy over another member’s rise to fame. As The Washington Post reports, a 27-year old former supermarket security guard from Britain who left to fight with ISIS in Syria and Iraq has a laundry list of complaints about his “brothers,” which include their propensity to steal shoes and the fact that they “see no issue in unplugging your mobile phone to charge their own phone.”
Here are some excerpts from the blog of Omar Hussein:
Here in Sh?m, the Arabs and the non-Arabs are united in one line, under one banner, defending each other’s life with their own blood. However, with the unification of tribes and cultures, there will be clashes which are inevitable. Clashes which arise due to many reasons. Some are due to the level of knowledge which people possess, and some are due to different upbringings and cultures.
On [one] occasion an Indonesian brother was working on his laptop and was using it to speak to his family (or friends) back in Indonesia. After some time he went to go eat so he left his laptop open not expecting anything to happen, as no one really goes through other people’s property without permission, right? Wrong! As he was in the other room eating, an Arab brother went through his laptop and deleted all his conversations the brother was having with his family on his Messenger service.
Another common trait is that they see no issue in unplugging your mobile phone to charge their own phone. Even if it’s your own charger, they would casually take your phone off charge to charge their own phone, even if there is no real need for them to charge their phone at that current time.
In the west, it is common knowledge to walk out of a room wearing the same pair of shoes that you wore while entering the room. Nay, it is common sense. However here in Sh?m, our Syrian brothers have a very peculiar philosophy whereby they believe that everyone can share each other’s footwear, irrespective of foot size. Someone who is a size 40 will casually walk out the room wearing your footwear even though you are a size 44, and strangely he may not even realise. Weird? Of course it is.
During rib?t one would be eating, sleeping, and fighting alongside other Arabs. For those of you who have been to university, it’s a bit like uni-life with a group of friends all being together. No doubt this can be enjoyable, however with Arabs around it can be quite frustrating, especially when one notices their sleeping habits.
In rib?t, everyone does their few hours of guarding while the others rest. During night hours, when our shift is complete, we wake up the next person about 5 minutes before his shift. However with most Syrians, you would need to wake them up a good 15 minutes before their shift. Some Syrians are such heavy sleepers that even shaking and kicking them would not wake them up.
Coming from the west, we have certain rules and regulations which we abide by while on the road. These are for our own benefit to prevent accidents and henceforth, complications. In the Arab world however, there are not that many rules for the highway, and one can easily obtain a driving license without any test. Yes I know, very scary indeed!
Many things which may seem illegal or irrational are quite common for Arabs to do. In the west, one is required to look into his side mirrors prior to moving lane or going to a slip road, however an Arab would hardly ever look into his mirrors, even if he is coming onto a busy motorway. Women casually walk on the roads and hardly look over their shoulder to see if a car is coming, nor do they move out the way until you are right besides them horning at them.
The list goes on (and on, and on). We suppose the takeaway here is that if you are a Westerner and are thinking of joining ISIS, you may want to first consider how strange it would be if your friend put on your shoes and unplugged your phone to plug his in...

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The caliphags.
OT, but hilarious nonetheless..
Be all that you can be…
Obama to nominate first openly gay service secretary to lead the Army
More Hussein Obama “Fundamental Transformation
LOL fucking Z!
I will sleep much better at night knowing that if there is a civil war in this country, I will be fighting against Tranny Division 4 flying the Rainbow flag! How do they march in those high-heels?
Yet ANOTHER ISIS story that features Nutella. Does Nutella pay them for product placement?
I'm not joking. I've seen literally dozens of stories about ISIS and Nutella.
Road rage about to go parabolic.
I say the really fun part is when they start facing fully trained and armed Russian troops. Hope those Russians have GoPros.
A collection must be taken up immediately!
Twitter Hashtags, anyone?
He should notify HR in the CIA immediately, this is completely unnacceptable.
If they hate the Great Satan so much then why do they continue to use his electronic tools?
Oy vey (or whatever) these fucking Muslims! Long live our jew rulers!
Those damned Muslims steal your shoes, unhook your phone charger and walk in the middle of the road. This will not stand! Worst of all they don't offer publicly subsidized abortions, there are no she-males in their locker rooms and no one formerly named Mohammad has donned a skirt in order to gain exposure in national magazines and television. They're just plain backward, I tell ya.
I would swear that the author spent the weekend in Pittsburgh and is describing his/her experiences there...
...and eat his Nutella!
re Pure Evil:
It seems to be universal among "do gooders" Reminds me of USSA environmentalists camping out in big plastic tents next to big SUVs, protesting oil and mining companies.
You have no problem using their oil.
Nutella isn't an ISIS thing, all those fuckers over there love that shit. I think it's kind of a luxury item. Pretty much anyone who wants to eat Nutella in the US can just go buy it whenever they want, not so much with these guys. You see this shitty little fishing boat, and somewhere safe would still be a jar of Nutella.
The Russians do not seem to do phag so much like ISIS or Americans who gush over their Trayvon ball player heroes in the NCAA, NFL and NBA like sissies. The worst are southern white males at places like LSU, Auburn, U of AL, GA, Clemson et al where they fawn over their Trayvon thugs like little girls.
Hopefully, the Russians will have some 7.62 x 51 for these ISIS phags.
5.45 x 39
College football: THe opiate of America.
Well, until the actual opiates (its alright, they are opiate-based prescription drugs) flooded the country, strangely coinciding with defeating a certain Taliban...
Strangely enough, "Taliban" almost sounds like it could be a proprietary name for a pharmaceutical aid for those who are addicted to opiates.*
*Warning: May cause drowsiness, stomach irritation, erectile dysfunction, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, extreme stupidity, violent outbursts, leg cramps, nose bleeds and onomatopoeia.
I think he meant 7.62x54R
54...? maybe in WW1.
Sniper much?
The PK machine gun which is mounted on the T-90 tank is current Russian issue - and yes, it is chambered in 7,62x54R.
I think Russian carry 5.56x39 7.62x39 and 7.62x54
.. thereby resulting in some Nutella-color stains in the desert ..
Infidels!
What did you expect? They do call them barbarians for a reason. Silly English person! Your socialist society sold you the "Multiculturalism" lie as you grew up and guess what, you bought it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Not all cultures are of equal worth. Deal with it.
Barbarian just means 'bearded one'. Barbe, French for Beard. Latin for beard is barba or barbam.
Roman soldiers were clean-shaven, but not the Mercs aka Barbarians.
This is the kind of thing people love to argue over, but its really quite simple and clearcut.
Of course, these people do tend to have beards, so it seems the term is fitting in this context!
What are you saying.....my gold grows hair???
Only in America.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIycEe59Auc
Dear God! Why have you forced this abomination called Sister Golden Hair upon us?
It's almost as bad as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpxsMyoXUZQ
All right, tough guy, you want me to bring out the big guns?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcLazPauA1c
It's not a shitgum is it? I'm askeered of shitgums.
I'm not gonna pull the trololol guy on ya', although I'd argue it's the biggest waste of celluloid (and bandwidth) ever perpetrated on the human race...
I'll simply submit this-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvPgYLhOq24
-as testament to my utter bewilderment at a culture that is almost totally enslaved, while steadfastly maintaining the belief that it is free.
OTOH,
Have you ever really listened to this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk3sURDS4IA
From Wikipedia-
John Kay (born Joachim Fritz Krauledat, 12 April 1944, Tilsit, East Prussia, Germany, now Sovetsk, Kaliningrad Oblast, Russia) is a German-Canadian-American rock singer, songwriter, and guitarist known as the frontman of Steppenwolf.
I was unacquainted with that particular Steppenwolf tune. Interesting lyrics especially considering the genre and the times.
It's all good, Billy. Most of my (boomer) generation are unacquainted with that tune as well.
It wasn't on the singles- songs like Born To Be Wild and Magic Carpet Ride still get airplay today. We used to buy 45 rpm records in those days, y'know.
No, you had to buy the more expensive LP (long playing) 12" disc in order to hear things like Monster.
Nowadays, you have to pay a different kind of toll to entities like Pandora or Spotify to get the deep cuts.
Same as it ever was.
My favorite Steppenwolf tune also, my late brother (R.I.P.) who was 2 years older than me introduced this song to me way back in the early 70s when he bought the LP. It's almost eerie how prescient John Kay is here with these lyrics. This song never got the attention it deserves IMO.
"Monster/Suicide/America" - Steppenwolf (1969)
Once the religious, the hunted and weary
Chasing the promise of freedom and hope
Came to this country to build a new vision
Far from the reaches of kingdom and pope
Like good Christians, some would burn the witches
Later some got slaves to gather riches
But still from near and far to seek America
They came by thousands to court the wild
But she just patiently smiled and bore a child
To be their spirit and guiding light
And once the ties with the crown had been broken
Westward in saddle and wagon it went
And 'til the railroad linked ocean to ocean
Many the lives which had come to an end
While we bullied, stole and bought our homeland
We began the slaughter of the red man
But still from near and far to seek America
They came by thousands to court the wild
But she just patiently smiled and bore a child
To be their spirit and guiding light
The blue and gray they stomped it
They kicked it just like a dog
And when the war was over
They stuffed it just like a hog
And though the past has it's share of injustice
Kind was the spirit in many a way
But it's protectors and friends have been sleeping
Now it's a monster and will not obey
The spirit was freedom and justice
And it's keepers seem friendly and kind
It's leaders were supposed to serve the country
But now they won't pay it no mind
'Cause the people got fat and grew lazy
Now their vote is like a meaningless joke
You know they talk about law, about order
But it's all just an echo of what they've been told
'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into a noose
And it just sits there watchin'
Our cities have turned into jungles
And corruption is stranglin' the land
The police force is watching the people
And the people just can't understand
We don't know how to mind our own business
'Cause the whole worlds got to be just like us
Now we are fighting a war over there
No matter who's the winner, we can't pay the cost
'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into the noose
And it just sits there watching
America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster
America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster
America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster
America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster
America
Thank you. You never stop missing a brother, by blood or by shared experience, we're still brothers.
I wouldn't have known the song either, if not for the fact that I ended up with the personal effects of an older cousin who got killed in Vietnam.
He's long gone... but I still owe him, you know? To that end:
Thanks, Tommy! You probably saved my life!
Nutellah Akbar!!!
The Nutella sub-sect of the Spaghetti Colander on the head religion. Kinda sticky for your head but otherwise OK.
@Agent P LOL!
And that (strangely) explains their insane desire to infiltrate the EU and receive EBT cards and access to the massive Nutellah section of EU grocery stores...
(The distasteful European perversion puts the vile 'Murican fascination with peanut butter to shame)
Monty Python to the rescue... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2ecasPqhgk
If your idea is to eliminate gays as the Bible commands, I can guarantee you that it won't take long for them to respond to murderous aggression with the same attitude as any other American.
"eliminate gays as the Bible commands"
The Bible commands that?
Sounds more like the Qur'an (aka Koran) instead of the Bible.
It's right there in Leviticus. And Jesus didn't say anything about rescinding Talmudic law, so presumably for Christians it still stands. I think a huge number of them are just staring at ISIS, licking their chops, and waiting for their opportunity to behead all the gays and sell feminists into slavery just like their overseas compatriots.
It's right there in Leviticus. And Jesus didn't say anything about rescinding Talmudic law, so presumably for Christians it still stands...
Christ fulfilled the law, He's the only one to ever do so and as such "nailed it to the tree". Christianity is at its core a deeply personal relationship between the individual regenerated soul and the living Christ and while He says wherever two or three are "gathered in His name", He'll be in their midst, the only directive applied on a corporate level to degenerates is to disassociate with such a one if the person insists on being called a "brother".
Christians are never instructed to judge those outside the faith or even to withdraw from them as that would mean a Christian would have to leave the world, Christians are only to judge themselves within the assembly of faith. My experience over the last 50 years is that even this is rarely exercised. Corporal punishment is reserved for the state to administer and the church is not charged with carrying out the affairs of the state.
The practical result however is that those outside the faith feel the heat of such conduct, (or such non-conduct), and resent the guilt they attribute to Christians because such a one that may have participated in reveling prior to regeneration may no longer do so.
jmo.
Many Christians act outside the idealized version of faith which you present as do members of all religions.
Not me! Gay soldiers are the toughest. They're fighting alongside those who drain their balls. A much stronger bond emerges than with a fellow soldier who writes love letters to his girlfriend at home.
Down vote for common sense.
The rise of homosexuality in a society is a surefire sign of God's judgement.
And the morons who follow Gd have never done anthing terrible around this society.
Well, I surely believe in God's Judgement, but, in this case I think it more like this formula here:
Estrogen in the water + BPH + GMO + Pro-Gay Agenda pushed in all Media Outlets + Special Snowflake "Everyone gets a Prize" Syndrome + Boys punished for being boys + Fake ADHA Diagnoses
etc etc
Manspreading!
Really more the sign that something is wrong in nature
When animals stop breeding in an environment where resources are available and there are no external conditions preventing it, that system is no longer functioning properly.
In humanity, it has also previously signaled the decline of an empire
That is incorrect.
Romans 1:18-27 (More to the point on homosexuality, 26-27)
It's not a judgement from God - God just allows you to do terrible things to yourself, because he thinks you're an idiot, and does not desire to help you or be your friend. At least, when you're being an idiot on purpose.
But hey, King David was a man after God's own heart, and while King David did some pretty terrible and stupid stuff, he always went back to God. It's all just a matter of how you react when you find out you're in the wrong, really. If you accept it, you're after God's own heart, and God extends a hand in friendship. If you deny it, you're an idiot that is handed over to your own desires, with no savior to help you.
That's how God treats people, and by extension, all of society.
Actually it is sort of on-topic.
I am sure he will strike fear into the hearts of ISIS.. and the Russians.
Elton John tweeted what fab friends he is with “Vladmydear”.
They've got each others' shoes
They love to snooze
You know I read it on Zero Hedge Oh!
I I I ISIS and the Jetsssssss
He's too young for the Role; and there are FAR too many more qualified and experienced people (regardless of their Gender or Sexual Orientation) for the Position. POTUS just "Had" to select a token Openly Gay Neophyte for this.
Do the Daisy-Chained Democrats expect to win another Presidential Election after this?
It's 3:30... do you know where your algo's are
Barbarians!!
Sorry, but we're fresh out of barbarians. May I suggest one of our savages or a nice philistine hot off the grill?
What phenomenal free advertising for Nutella! They must be ecstatic!
Boycott Nutella for promoting terrorism.
What no one realizes is that is actually a Nutella bomb!
ISIS photo bombed a Nutella selfie.
fuck people that don't defend their borders.
I need new glasses. I thought you wrote: Fuck people that don't defend their bankers.
Alternate universe, I know.
They are a group of soldier fighting for a cause and like any group there are contentions in the social dynamic. BFD Why is this news and how is it relevant to ZH readers? Pales by comparison to the petty bullship that goes on between US soldiers.
I would appear the preface 'Friday Humor:' is lost on you..
It would appear the preface "humor" is a lost cause on ZH!
Hey Francis, calm the fuck down.
Just another reason we must bring them all here to Amerika, ASAP!!!
So is this why they're able to open up an infinite front war?
QE-Infinity - ISUS-Front-Infinity.
I'm sure everybody over there eat off a single plate too. True sharing economy. Awesome until it becomes Awful.
ahmed muhamed will certianly have a fun time "making" attache case and vest bombs for them.
They'll make him a runway model.
Fucking savages!
So the decadent western jihadis dont know how to share the blessings of Allah. This is not your 7th Century Jihad.
The next time McCain goes back to the ME to resupply ISIS he should bring a bunch of phone chargers, extra shoes and nutella apparently.
Arizona had a chance to dump that guy after the immigration fold with waitress sandwich Kennedy, didnt do it, unbelievable those guys
"he feared other members - let’s just call them “jealous jihadis” - would kill him out of envy. "
stupid shit its more likely because britain put and 6 million pound bounty on his head
Third world people have no manners? Wow there is a shock!
They act like everything is theirs? I thought that was the folks over by the Sea.
Wow, who whould have thought that being a puppet terrorist would be so challenging.
Oh, and he whitens his teeth (my guess is not .. those look like photoshop teeth, since they do not line up) and waxes his eyebrows as well ... how special!
You see what happens Donny? This is how you get "visits extremist jihad websites" into the browser history and FBI file of every Zero Hedge reader.
#chargingforisis
#jihadinutella
#jihadishoethief
#freechargersforjihad
That is bullshit, if some sweaty bastard takes your shoes and leaves you their hodgie fungal shoes you kick their ass. What is wrong with kids these days? I am more confident then ever that ISIS will be beaten.
So out of curiousity I decided to read the entire blog post...here are some other hilarious items:
There are many many more of these type of things in his blog...
Unfortunately Syrians seem to be very childish in their dealings and mannerisms in how they interact with each other. It’s not an unusual sight to see a fully grown Syrian man acting like a child and playing around with other brothers.
Not as bad as stupid white American males cheering on Trayvon thugs on the NCAA/NFL ball felds or the NBA. These dumb white males are like giggly girls cheering on their own racial genocide like idiots.
Or those John Hagee-Jonathan Pollard Evangelicals sending their children off to die for Soros, Bibi, Adelson, Haim Saban, Spielberg, Larry David, Zuckerberg, Schumer, Nudelman, Feinstein, et al.
jesus christ freddie did you catch your goat fucking another man...?
Jonathan Pollard is not an evangelical. He is a former Pentagon employee currently in jail for selling secret information to Israel, South Africa and Taiwan.
Like we need telling you can't call these people on their failings.
When not slaughtering infidels for Allah and his Prophet {pbuh} Ahmed enjoys tending his garden, scrapbooking, and making a mean fluffernutellanutter of which he swears he'll never reveal the recipe.
I wonder how many hard core takfiris are there versus guys who just needed a job versus Xe, SAS, Mossad, or other double agents.
For the people who really just wanted a job, cutting off the balls of captured "ISIS" mercs and releasing them in front of cameras would do wonders.
I think you have Kurdish and Christian women do it.
Sounds like a terrific storyline for a new TV sitcom series.
Any suggestions for lead roles?
As a suggested title, how about... You CAN'T be Syrian.
Freddie can write the screenplay and pitch it to Spielberg.
Thass not sexy. Eez Animaal.
Let us hope this SOB gets captured by the Kurds. Then he'll have something to complain about.
Oh boy! ………. Friday humor on ZH!
How’s this for a Funny ISIS Standup Skit. …. I’ll dedicate this chuckle to our boys in uniform. The top brass will find this particularly amusing I’m sure. …. Enjoy.
~ DC
Interesting, my above comment and the link therein have been up for a good 16 hours and not one vote up or down.
Now, that either means that no other eyes have seen the comment but mine and probably Tyler’s (the webmaster, sysop, admin or whatever you would refer to them by) OR no one of the (likely) thousands of logged in ZH readers have an opinion of Scott Bennett’s little monologue one way or another.
Really?
You don’t suppose the Web is being censored and fucked with do you?
~ DC
Crazy as a carload of cats on a bumpy road.
We need someone to travel back in time and tell Mohammid to put a few sanity clauses into his best selling book.
I really believe a small % are volunteer useful idiots suckered in, one day we shall know...
its the rodney dangerfield of ISIS.....i tell ya i get no respect.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The goat joined me. My goat and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. One night I came home. I figured, let my goat come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my goat!Jews, Chirstian, Muslims...are all fucking insane. Come on people, even a child will have to stop believing in easter rabbits and santa clause at some point.
There is an old saying:
Jesus was either lying, insane, or he was telling the truth.
You can't make up my mind for me, nor can I make up your mind for you. As long as each human being is allowed their own opinion, this shall remain true.
As to whether people will stop believing...that remains to be seen.