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Friday Humor: ISIS Fighter Upset At Group's Lack Of Cell Phone Charger Etiquette

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Late in July, we remarked, with some amusement, that Jihadi John, the ISIS executioner who became famous for his starring roles in slick videos depicting the beheading of Westerners, was leaving the terrorist group because he feared other members - let’s just call them “jealous jihadis” - would kill him out of envy. 

As Jihadi John’s story makes clear, it’s not all kittens and Nutella for members of ISIS, and indeed, even among brothers-in-arms united in the global war against the “Great Satan” and its allies, not everyone gets along. 

Well, it turns out that pettiness within ISIS isn’t confined to jealousy over another member’s rise to fame. As The Washington Post reports, a 27-year old former supermarket security guard from Britain who left to fight with ISIS in Syria and Iraq has a laundry list of complaints about his “brothers,” which include their propensity to steal shoes and the fact that they “see no issue in unplugging your mobile phone to charge their own phone.”

Here are some excerpts from the blog of Omar Hussein:

Here in Sh?m, the Arabs and the non-Arabs are united in one line, under one banner, defending each other’s life with their own blood. However, with the unification of tribes and cultures, there will be clashes which are inevitable. Clashes which arise due to many reasons. Some are due to the level of knowledge which people possess, and some are due to different upbringings and cultures.

 

On [one] occasion an Indonesian brother was working on his laptop and was using it to speak to his family (or friends) back in Indonesia. After some time he went to go eat so he left his laptop open not expecting anything to happen, as no one really goes through other people’s property without permission, right? Wrong! As he was in the other room eating, an Arab brother went through his laptop and deleted all his conversations the brother was having with his family on his Messenger service. 

 

Another common trait is that they see no issue in unplugging your mobile phone to charge their own phone. Even if it’s your own charger, they would casually take your phone off charge to charge their own phone, even if there is no real need for them to charge their phone at that current time.

 

In the west, it is common knowledge to walk out of a room wearing the same pair of shoes that you wore while entering the room. Nay, it is common sense. However here in Sh?m, our Syrian brothers have a very peculiar philosophy whereby they believe that everyone can share each other’s footwear, irrespective of foot size. Someone who is a size 40 will casually walk out the room wearing your footwear even though you are a size 44, and strangely he may not even realise. Weird? Of course it is.

 

During rib?t one would be eating, sleeping, and fighting alongside other Arabs. For those of you who have been to university, it’s a bit like uni-life with a group of friends all being together. No doubt this can be enjoyable, however with Arabs around it can be quite frustrating, especially when one notices their sleeping habits.

 

In rib?t, everyone does their few hours of guarding while the others rest. During night hours, when our shift is complete, we wake up the next person about 5 minutes before his shift. However with most Syrians, you would need to wake them up a good 15 minutes before their shift. Some Syrians are such heavy sleepers that even shaking and kicking them would not wake them up.

 

Coming from the west, we have certain rules and regulations which we abide by while on the road. These are for our own benefit to prevent accidents and henceforth, complications. In the Arab world however, there are not that many rules for the highway, and one can easily obtain a driving license without any test. Yes I know, very scary indeed!

 

Many things which may seem illegal or irrational are quite common for Arabs to do. In the west, one is required to look into his side mirrors prior to moving lane or going to a slip road, however an Arab would hardly ever look into his mirrors, even if he is coming onto a busy motorway. Women casually walk on the roads and hardly look over their shoulder to see if a car is coming, nor do they move out the way until you are right besides them horning at them.

The list goes on (and on, and on). We suppose the takeaway here is that if you are a Westerner and are thinking of joining ISIS, you may want to first consider how strange it would be if your friend put on your shoes and unplugged your phone to plug his in...

 

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Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:32 | 6566541 blabam
blabam's picture

The caliphags.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:47 | 6566584 Manthong
Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:49 | 6566628 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

LOL fucking Z!

I will sleep much better at night knowing that if there is a civil war in this country, I will be fighting against Tranny Division 4 flying the Rainbow flag! How do they march in those high-heels?

 

 

 

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:54 | 6566649 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Yet ANOTHER ISIS story that features Nutella.   Does Nutella pay them for product placement?

I'm not joking.   I've seen literally dozens of stories about ISIS and Nutella.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:01 | 6566682 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Road rage about to go parabolic.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:05 | 6566693 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

I say the really fun part is when they start facing fully trained and armed Russian troops. Hope those Russians have GoPros.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:23 | 6566785 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

A collection must be taken up immediately!

Twitter Hashtags, anyone?

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:08 | 6566969 Mr Poopra
Mr Poopra's picture

He should notify HR in the CIA immediately, this is completely unnacceptable.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:38 | 6567091 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

If they hate the Great Satan so much then why do they continue to use his electronic tools?

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 19:02 | 6567339 Scooby Dooby Doo
Scooby Dooby Doo's picture

Oy vey (or whatever) these fucking Muslims! Long live our jew rulers!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:02 | 6567518 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Those damned Muslims steal your shoes, unhook your phone charger and walk in the middle of the road. This will not stand! Worst of all they don't offer publicly subsidized abortions, there are no she-males in their locker rooms and no one formerly named Mohammad has donned a skirt in order to gain exposure in national magazines and television. They're just plain backward, I tell ya.

Mon, 09/21/2015 - 08:06 | 6573932 Froman
Froman's picture

I would swear that the author spent the weekend in Pittsburgh and is describing his/her experiences there...

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:32 | 6567611 HisNameIsRP
HisNameIsRP's picture

...and eat his Nutella!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:27 | 6567760 bonin006
bonin006's picture

re Pure Evil:

It seems to be universal among "do gooders" Reminds me of USSA environmentalists camping out in big plastic tents next to big SUVs, protesting oil and mining companies.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 05:05 | 6568532 Benjamin123
Benjamin123's picture

You have no problem using their oil.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:29 | 6567244 greenskeeper carl
greenskeeper carl's picture

Nutella isn't an ISIS thing, all those fuckers over there love that shit. I think it's kind of a luxury item. Pretty much anyone who wants to eat Nutella in the US can just go buy it whenever they want, not so much with these guys. You see this shitty little fishing boat, and somewhere safe would still be a jar of Nutella.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:24 | 6566790 Freddie
Freddie's picture

The Russians do not seem to do phag so much like ISIS or Americans who gush over their Trayvon ball player heroes in the NCAA, NFL and NBA like sissies. The worst are southern white males at places like LSU, Auburn, U of AL, GA, Clemson et al where they fawn over their Trayvon thugs like little girls.

Hopefully, the Russians will have some 7.62 x 51 for these ISIS phags.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:56 | 6566933 Agent P
Agent P's picture

5.45 x 39

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:53 | 6567131 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

College football: THe opiate of America.

Well, until the actual opiates (its alright, they are opiate-based prescription drugs) flooded the country, strangely coinciding with defeating a certain Taliban...

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:09 | 6567541 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Strangely enough, "Taliban" almost sounds like it could be a proprietary name for a pharmaceutical aid for those who are addicted to opiates.*


*Warning: May cause drowsiness, stomach irritation, erectile dysfunction, shortness of breath, inability to concentrate, extreme stupidity, violent outbursts, leg cramps, nose bleeds and onomatopoeia.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:19 | 6567222 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

I think he meant 7.62x54R

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:49 | 6567658 hannah
hannah's picture

54...? maybe in WW1.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:00 | 6567702 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Sniper much?

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 11:33 | 6569042 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

The PK machine gun which is mounted on the T-90 tank is current Russian issue - and yes, it is chambered in 7,62x54R.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 01:44 | 6568328 BarkingCat
BarkingCat's picture

I think Russian carry 5.56x39 7.62x39 and 7.62x54

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:41 | 6566875 Urban Roman
Urban Roman's picture

.. thereby resulting in some Nutella-color stains in the desert ..

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:45 | 6566893 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Infidels!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:09 | 6566711 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

What did you expect? They do call them barbarians for a reason. Silly English person! Your socialist society sold you the "Multiculturalism" lie as you grew up and guess what, you bought it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Not all cultures are of equal worth. Deal with it.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:00 | 6567160 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Barbarian just means 'bearded one'.  Barbe, French for Beard.  Latin for beard is barba or barbam.

Roman soldiers were clean-shaven,  but not the Mercs aka Barbarians.

This is the kind of thing people love to argue over, but its really quite simple and clearcut.

Of course, these people do tend to have beards, so it seems the term is fitting in this context!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:38 | 6567271 Dugald
Dugald's picture

What are you saying.....my gold grows hair???

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:11 | 6567550 Billy the Poet
Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:50 | 6567664 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Dear God!  Why have you forced this abomination called Sister Golden Hair upon us?

It's almost as bad as this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpxsMyoXUZQ

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:00 | 6567697 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

All right, tough guy, you want me to bring out the big guns?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcLazPauA1c

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:30 | 6567767 acetinker
acetinker's picture

It's not a shitgum is it?  I'm askeered of shitgums.

I'm not gonna pull the trololol guy on ya', although I'd argue it's the biggest waste of celluloid (and bandwidth) ever perpetrated on the human race...

I'll simply submit this-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvPgYLhOq24

-as testament to my utter bewilderment at a culture that is almost totally enslaved, while steadfastly maintaining the belief that it is free.

OTOH,

Have you ever really listened to this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk3sURDS4IA

From Wikipedia-

John Kay (born Joachim Fritz Krauledat, 12 April 1944, Tilsit, East Prussia, Germany, now Sovetsk, Kaliningrad Oblast, Russia) is a German-Canadian-American rock singer, songwriter, and guitarist known as the frontman of Steppenwolf.


Fri, 09/18/2015 - 22:54 | 6567985 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

I was unacquainted with that particular Steppenwolf tune. Interesting lyrics especially considering the genre and the times.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 00:01 | 6568147 acetinker
acetinker's picture

It's all good, Billy.  Most of my (boomer) generation are unacquainted with that tune as well.

It wasn't on the singles- songs like Born To Be Wild and Magic Carpet Ride still get airplay today.  We used to buy 45 rpm records in those days, y'know.

No, you had to buy the more expensive LP (long playing) 12" disc in order to hear things like Monster.

Nowadays, you have to pay a different kind of toll to entities like Pandora or Spotify to get the deep cuts.

Same as it ever was.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 17:05 | 6569799 scam_MERS
scam_MERS's picture

My favorite Steppenwolf tune also, my late brother (R.I.P.) who was 2 years older than me introduced this song to me way back in the early 70s when he bought the LP. It's almost eerie how prescient John Kay is here with these lyrics. This song never got the attention it deserves IMO.

 

"Monster/Suicide/America" - Steppenwolf (1969)

Once the religious, the hunted and weary
Chasing the promise of freedom and hope
Came to this country to build a new vision
Far from the reaches of kingdom and pope
Like good Christians, some would burn the witches
Later some got slaves to gather riches

But still from near and far to seek America
They came by thousands to court the wild
But she just patiently smiled and bore a child
To be their spirit and guiding light

And once the ties with the crown had been broken
Westward in saddle and wagon it went
And 'til the railroad linked ocean to ocean
Many the lives which had come to an end
While we bullied, stole and bought our homeland
We began the slaughter of the red man

But still from near and far to seek America
They came by thousands to court the wild
But she just patiently smiled and bore a child
To be their spirit and guiding light

The blue and gray they stomped it
They kicked it just like a dog
And when the war was over
They stuffed it just like a hog

And though the past has it's share of injustice
Kind was the spirit in many a way
But it's protectors and friends have been sleeping
Now it's a monster and will not obey

The spirit was freedom and justice
And it's keepers seem friendly and kind
It's leaders were supposed to serve the country
But now they won't pay it no mind

'Cause the people got fat and grew lazy
Now their vote is like a meaningless joke
You know they talk about law, about order
But it's all just an echo of what they've been told

'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into a noose
And it just sits there watchin'

Our cities have turned into jungles
And corruption is stranglin' the land
The police force is watching the people
And the people just can't understand

We don't know how to mind our own business
'Cause the whole worlds got to be just like us
Now we are fighting a war over there
No matter who's the winner, we can't pay the cost

'Cause there's a monster on the loose
It's got our heads into the noose
And it just sits there watching

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster

America where are you now?
Don't you care about your sons and daughters?
Don't you know we need you now
We can't fight alone against the monster
America

Mon, 09/21/2015 - 21:47 | 6577291 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Thank you.  You never stop missing a brother, by blood or by shared experience, we're still brothers.

I wouldn't have known the song either, if not for the fact that I ended up with the personal effects of an older cousin who got killed in Vietnam.

He's long gone... but I still owe him, you know?  To that end:

Thanks, Tommy!  You probably saved my life!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:18 | 6566763 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Nutellah Akbar!!!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:11 | 6566996 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

The Nutella sub-sect of the Spaghetti Colander on the head religion.  Kinda sticky for your head but otherwise OK.

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:36 | 6567624 HisNameIsRP
HisNameIsRP's picture

@Agent P LOL!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:09 | 6567721 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

And that (strangely) explains their insane desire to infiltrate the EU and receive EBT cards and access to the massive Nutellah section of EU grocery stores...

(The distasteful European perversion puts the vile 'Murican fascination with peanut butter to shame)

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:00 | 6566678 Realname
Realname's picture

Monty Python to the rescue... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2ecasPqhgk

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:46 | 6566898 roisaber
roisaber's picture

If your idea is to eliminate gays as the Bible commands, I can guarantee you that it won't take long for them to respond to murderous aggression with the same attitude as any other American.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:54 | 6566929 ZD1
ZD1's picture

"eliminate gays as the Bible commands"

 

The Bible commands that?

Sounds more like the Qur'an (aka Koran) instead of the Bible.

 

 


Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:07 | 6566982 roisaber
roisaber's picture

It's right there in Leviticus. And Jesus didn't say anything about rescinding Talmudic law, so presumably for Christians it still stands. I think a huge number of them are just staring at ISIS, licking their chops, and waiting for their opportunity to behead all the gays and sell feminists into slavery just like their overseas compatriots.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 19:05 | 6567352 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

It's right there in Leviticus. And Jesus didn't say anything about rescinding Talmudic law, so presumably for Christians it still stands...

 

Christ fulfilled the law, He's the only one to ever do so and as such "nailed it to the tree".  Christianity is at its core a deeply personal relationship between the individual regenerated soul and the living Christ and while He says wherever two or three are "gathered in His name", He'll be in their midst, the only directive applied on a corporate level to degenerates is to disassociate with such a one if the person insists on being called a "brother".  

Christians are never instructed to judge those outside the faith or even to withdraw from them as that would mean a Christian would have to leave the world, Christians are only to judge themselves within the assembly of faith.  My experience over the last 50 years is that even this is rarely exercised.  Corporal punishment is reserved for the state to administer and the church is not charged with carrying out the affairs of the state.  

The practical result however is that those outside the faith feel the heat of such conduct, (or such non-conduct), and resent the guilt they attribute to Christians because such a one that may have participated in reveling prior to regeneration may no longer do so.

jmo.

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:14 | 6567556 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Many Christians act outside the idealized version of faith which you present as do members of all religions.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:33 | 6567258 Supafly
Supafly's picture

Not me!  Gay soldiers are the toughest.  They're fighting alongside those who drain their balls.  A much stronger bond emerges than with a fellow soldier who writes love letters to his girlfriend at home. 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:51 | 6567302 Supafly
Supafly's picture

Down vote for common sense.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:51 | 6566642 Teh Finn
Teh Finn's picture

The rise of homosexuality in a society is a surefire sign of God's judgement.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:13 | 6566740 disruptivepatte...
disruptivepatternmaterial's picture

And the morons who follow Gd have never done anthing terrible around this society.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:26 | 6566801 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

Well, I surely believe in God's Judgement, but, in this case I think it more like this formula here:

Estrogen in the water + BPH + GMO + Pro-Gay Agenda pushed in all Media Outlets + Special Snowflake "Everyone gets a Prize" Syndrome + Boys punished for being boys + Fake ADHA Diagnoses 

etc etc 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:17 | 6567564 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Manspreading!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:18 | 6567216 Conchy Joe
Conchy Joe's picture

Really more the sign that something is wrong in nature

When animals stop breeding in an environment where resources are available and there are no external conditions preventing it, that system is no longer functioning properly.

In humanity, it has also previously signaled the decline of an empire

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 05:08 | 6568535 WOAR
WOAR's picture

That is incorrect.

Romans 1:18-27 (More to the point on homosexuality, 26-27)

It's not a judgement from God - God just allows you to do terrible things to yourself, because he thinks you're an idiot, and does not desire to help you or be your friend. At least, when you're being an idiot on purpose.

But hey, King David was a man after God's own heart, and while King David did some pretty terrible and stupid stuff, he always went back to God. It's all just a matter of how you react when you find out you're in the wrong, really. If you accept it, you're after God's own heart, and God extends a hand in friendship. If you deny it, you're an idiot that is handed over to your own desires, with no savior to help you.

That's how God treats people, and by extension, all of society.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:55 | 6566655 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Actually it is sort of on-topic.

I am sure he will strike fear into the hearts of ISIS.. and the Russians.

Elton John tweeted what fab friends he is with “Vladmydear”.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:09 | 6566715 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

They've got each others' shoes
They love to snooze
You know I read it on Zero Hedge Oh!
I I I ISIS and the Jetsssssss

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 23:05 | 6568013 IronForge
IronForge's picture

He's too young for the Role; and there are FAR too many more qualified and experienced people (regardless of their Gender or Sexual Orientation) for the Position.   POTUS just "Had" to select a token Openly Gay Neophyte for this. 

Do the Daisy-Chained Democrats expect to win another Presidential Election after this?

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:32 | 6566545 Plunge Protection
Plunge Protection's picture

It's 3:30... do you know where your algo's are

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:34 | 6566557 Toxx
Toxx's picture

Barbarians!!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:22 | 6567584 Billy the Poet
Billy the Poet's picture

Sorry, but we're fresh out of barbarians. May I suggest one of our savages or a nice philistine hot off the grill?

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:37 | 6566575 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

What phenomenal free advertising for Nutella! They must be ecstatic! 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:04 | 6566692 J Jason Djfmam
J Jason Djfmam's picture

Boycott Nutella for promoting terrorism.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:35 | 6566848 Skiprrrdog
Skiprrrdog's picture

What no one realizes is that is actually a Nutella bomb!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:38 | 6567089 Kprime
Kprime's picture

ISIS photo bombed a Nutella selfie.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:41 | 6566598 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

fuck people that don't defend their borders. 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:57 | 6566935 tarabel
tarabel's picture

 

 

I need new glasses. I thought you wrote: Fuck people that don't defend their bankers.

Alternate universe, I know.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:41 | 6566599 cdude
cdude's picture

They are a group of soldier fighting for a cause and like any group there are contentions in the social dynamic. BFD  Why is this news and how is it relevant to ZH readers?  Pales by comparison to the petty bullship that goes on between US soldiers.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:43 | 6566605 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

I would appear the preface 'Friday Humor:' is lost on you..

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:37 | 6566862 cdude
cdude's picture

It would appear the preface "humor" is a lost cause on ZH!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:15 | 6566750 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Hey Francis, calm the fuck down.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:41 | 6566600 pitterrier
pitterrier's picture

Just another reason we must bring them all here to Amerika, ASAP!!!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:46 | 6566616 general ambivalent
general ambivalent's picture

So is this why they're able to open up an infinite front war?

QE-Infinity - ISUS-Front-Infinity.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:47 | 6566620 bahaar
bahaar's picture

I'm sure everybody over there eat off a single plate too.  True sharing economy.  Awesome until it becomes Awful.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:51 | 6566640 tarheeler
tarheeler's picture

ahmed muhamed will certianly have a fun time "making" attache case and vest bombs for them.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:54 | 6566926 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

They'll make him a runway model.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:51 | 6566641 still kicking
still kicking's picture

Fucking savages!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:52 | 6566645 COL Jackson
COL Jackson's picture

So the decadent western jihadis dont know how to share the blessings of Allah.  This is not your 7th Century Jihad.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 15:54 | 6566648 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

The next time McCain goes back to the ME to resupply ISIS he should bring a bunch of phone chargers, extra shoes and nutella apparently. 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:29 | 6567245 Cruel Aid
Cruel Aid's picture

Arizona had a chance to dump that guy after the immigration fold with waitress sandwich Kennedy, didnt do it, unbelievable those guys

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:06 | 6566701 nnnnnn
nnnnnn's picture

 

 

"he feared other members - let’s just call them “jealous jihadis” - would kill him out of envy. "

stupid shit   its more likely because britain put and 6 million pound bounty on his head

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:14 | 6566745 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Third world people have no manners?  Wow there is a shock! 

They act like everything is theirs?  I thought that was the folks over by the Sea.

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:20 | 6566774 Tarshatha
Tarshatha's picture

Wow, who whould have thought that being a puppet terrorist would be so challenging.

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:25 | 6566786 Grandad Grumps
Grandad Grumps's picture

Oh, and he whitens his teeth (my guess is not .. those look like photoshop teeth, since they do not line up) and waxes his eyebrows as well ... how special!

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:32 | 6566839 roisaber
roisaber's picture

You see what happens Donny? This is how you get "visits extremist jihad websites" into the browser history and FBI file of every Zero Hedge reader.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:36 | 6566859 DelusionalGrandeur
DelusionalGrandeur's picture

#chargingforisis
#jihadinutella
#jihadishoethief
#freechargersforjihad

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 16:47 | 6566900 Ms No
Ms No's picture

That is bullshit, if some sweaty bastard takes your shoes and leaves you their hodgie fungal shoes you kick their ass.  What is wrong with kids these days?  I am more confident then ever that ISIS will be beaten.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:00 | 6566945 poland spring
poland spring's picture

So out of curiousity I decided to read the entire blog post...here are some other hilarious items:

  • Unfortunately Syrians seem to be very childish in their dealings and mannerisms in how they interact with each other. It’s not an unusual sight to see a fully grown Syrian man acting like a child and playing around with other brothers.

 

  •  It is not unusual to see Syrians fight over food, even though there is more than enough for everyone. It is not unusual to see them throw away food even though this food they are eating is far better than the food their own mothers prepare for them at home. It is not unusual to see them walk away after eating leaving a big mess for someone else to clean up after them. And the sight of a typical kitchen sink is just appalling. 

 

  • Yet it seemed that even the Am?r was fed up of continuously advising and reprimanding them for their behaviour.

 

  •  When food was served, no one would sit in his place and everyone would jump over each other in an attempt to get to the food first. The Am?r of the camp would criticise them sternly for their childish and animalistic behaviour, however, as with hungry Arabs, it would only make them less reckless for a day or two.

 

  •  I therefore refused to give anyone food until every single one of them was sitting down in their seat, and only after every one of them sat down did I go around serving them. Unfortunately I had to treat them like primary school students, but it was the only way to get some law and order in the room and for them to learn.

 

  • It is also a habit for Syrians to eat other people’s food without question. Not only would they eat your food without prior permission but they neither inform you of it. If you purchase something and put it in the fridge, expect it to be missing within a few hours.

 

  • A Syrian will eat all your food without permission making you go hungry for the rest of the day without apologising nor even informing you of what he done. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems they seriously lack in common sense in this field.

 

  • Another common trait among our Arab brothers is to get offended if you bring their errors to their attention.
  • he more one interacts with Arabs the more errors one notices among them, and many times I have been speaking to an Arab about certain errors/flaws I have noticed, and while speaking to them, their faces slowly turn from a smile to an angry frown. At times it can be quite amusing seeing the smile slowly fade away or at times seeing the natural smile turn into a fake one used as a mask to cover an angry face.
  • Arabs in administration is a disaster, get him angry and it’s your own loss, even though what you may be saying is the haqq.
  • Unfortunately in the Arab world, building a structure and administrating it is not one of their strong points. There are many flaws and errors in putting an Arab in charge, especially if he is uneducated (which sadly is the majority).
  • It is common to hear an Arab in administration reply with the words “bukrah insh?All?h” (which means “hopefully tomorrow”) or in plain English, “I’m too lazy, leave me alone and come back some other time!”
  • Unfortunately, Arabs run the system here in Sh?m and they are, from what is apparent, the laziest and unfit for their jobs. All praise is due to All?h that Dawlah has a system in place, however with Arabs running it, it has many deficiencies.
  • Majority of the Arabs in administration are not only lazy workers but also unaware of their job role. 
  • Arabs always throw you around to another office if they do not know what to do. 
  • Another ‘great’ feature of Arabs in administration is that there is no queue in any of their offices. You could be waiting in line for half an hour and then another Arab would come and push in the queue and go straight in.
  • o what is the solution to dealing with Arabs in administration? The solution is twofold. Number one; to pray to All?h that He replaces the Arabs with others who know what they are doing. Number two; and a more practical solution, is to shout at them while asking for what you need. Although this may sound quite harsh, this is the only solution, and many westerners have learnt this the long and hard way.
  • The Arabs are very scared of our brothers from Chechnya as they always raise their voices when speaking to Arabs in administration. If you need something from an Arab in administration, it seems that the only way your request will be heard is if you raise your voce and show signs of slight irritation at their laziness to do simple tasks.
  • Arabs in administration is a recipe for disaster.
  • Syrians love to stare at foreigners, maybe because no tourist has ever visited Syria. However, the ironic thing is when it is done by grown men, especially when they do not stop staring at you. It can be quite uncomfortable to have a fully grown man stand a few meters away from you staring at you, and even when you look at him and give him a smile, he still stares at you without looking away. It can be like a staring competition at times.
  • So if you get a random Syrian staring at you for a long time, do not get paranoid, it’s in the culture to stare at people for long durations of time. And if you feel uncomfortable, just ask him a random question to awaken him from his daydream.
  • Most beggars here in Syria are fraudsters who take advantage of the Muh?jir?n.
  • Some even get old prescription papers for medicine and go around begging brothers for money to purchase the medicine, and when you ask them what is wrong with them they say something completely different to the medication that is prescribed
  • Some even claim they need food for their babies but get upset when you purchase food for them over giving them money.
  •  The average Syrian looks at a Dawlah brother as a walking bank, and unfortunately shop keepers are no exception. So many times when asking a shop keeper for the price of an item, he would contemplating for a while then give you a higher price.

There are many many more of these type of things in his blog...

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:36 | 6567084 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Unfortunately Syrians seem to be very childish in their dealings and mannerisms in how they interact with each other. It’s not an unusual sight to see a fully grown Syrian man acting like a child and playing around with other brothers.

 

Not as bad as stupid white American males cheering on Trayvon thugs on the NCAA/NFL ball felds or the NBA.  These dumb white males are like giggly girls cheering on their own racial genocide like idiots.

Or those John Hagee-Jonathan Pollard Evangelicals sending their children off to die for Soros, Bibi, Adelson, Haim Saban, Spielberg, Larry David, Zuckerberg, Schumer, Nudelman, Feinstein, et al.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:55 | 6567682 hannah
hannah's picture

jesus christ freddie did you catch your goat fucking another man...?

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 04:54 | 6568525 Benjamin123
Benjamin123's picture

Jonathan Pollard is not an evangelical. He is a former Pentagon employee currently in jail for selling secret information to Israel, South Africa and Taiwan.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 02:07 | 6568369 SparticusUK
SparticusUK's picture
  • Another common trait among our Arab brothers is to get offended if you bring their errors to their attention.

 Like we need telling you can't call these people on their failings.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:19 | 6567035 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

When not slaughtering infidels for Allah and his Prophet {pbuh} Ahmed enjoys tending his garden, scrapbooking, and making a mean fluffernutellanutter of which he swears he'll never reveal the recipe.

I wonder how many hard core takfiris are there versus guys who just needed a job versus Xe, SAS, Mossad, or other double agents.

For the people who really just wanted a job, cutting off the balls of captured "ISIS" mercs and releasing them in front of cameras would do wonders.

I think you have Kurdish and Christian women do it.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:32 | 6567068 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

Sounds like a terrific storyline for a new TV sitcom series.

Any suggestions for lead roles?

As a suggested title, how about...  You CAN'T be Syrian.

 

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 18:53 | 6567307 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Freddie can write the screenplay and pitch it to Spielberg.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:37 | 6567087 January Jones
January Jones's picture

Thass not sexy. Eez Animaal.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:46 | 6567111 Lucky Leprachaun
Lucky Leprachaun's picture

Let us hope this SOB gets captured by the Kurds.  Then he'll have something to complain about.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 17:55 | 6567138 DuneCreature
DuneCreature's picture

Oh boy! ………. Friday humor on ZH!

How’s this for a Funny ISIS Standup Skit. …. I’ll dedicate this chuckle to our boys in uniform. The top brass will find this particularly amusing I’m sure. …. Enjoy.

~ DC

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 11:41 | 6569056 DuneCreature
DuneCreature's picture

Interesting, my above comment and the link therein have been up for a good 16 hours and not one vote up or down.

Now, that either means that no other eyes have seen the comment but mine and probably Tyler’s (the webmaster, sysop, admin or whatever you would refer to them by) OR no one of the (likely) thousands of logged in ZH readers have an opinion of Scott Bennett’s little monologue one way or another.

Really?

You don’t suppose the Web is being censored and fucked with do you?

~ DC

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 19:13 | 6567387 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Crazy as a carload of cats on a bumpy road. 

We need someone to travel back in time and tell Mohammid to put a few sanity clauses into his best selling book.

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 20:22 | 6567585 scrappy
scrappy's picture

I really believe a small % are volunteer useful idiots suckered in, one day we shall know...

Fri, 09/18/2015 - 21:04 | 6567708 hannah
hannah's picture

its the rodney dangerfield of ISIS.....i tell ya i get no respect.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The goat joined me. My goat and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. One night I came home. I figured, let my goat come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my goat!

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 02:38 | 6568400 sidiji
sidiji's picture

Jews, Chirstian, Muslims...are all fucking insane.  Come on people, even a child will have to stop believing in easter rabbits and santa clause at some point.

Sat, 09/19/2015 - 05:22 | 6568546 WOAR
WOAR's picture

There is an old saying:

Jesus was either lying, insane, or he was telling the truth.

You can't make up my mind for me, nor can I make up your mind for you. As long as each human being is allowed their own opinion, this shall remain true.

As to whether people will stop believing...that remains to be seen.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!