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Boehner Holds Resignation Conference After All: Live Webcast

Tyler Durden's picture




 

First he folded on his decision to hold a press conference explaining why he folded as House speaker. Then he unfolded. Here is the now former US house speaker whose bout of "deyhdration" appears to have ended.


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Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:12 | 6593546 L Bean
L Bean's picture

Come on we've all been there.

The Excedrin must've just kicked in. He's in hair and makeup at last.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593584 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I was out for a while... he cancelled the earlier press conference because he was dehydrated?  Him AND Yellen within 24 hours of eachother?

I thought our lizard overlords could go months without water.  What gives?  Have they finally started to succumb to our earthly viruses like the aliens in Orson Welles' 'War of The Worlds'?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:22 | 6593601 L Bean
L Bean's picture

They all went to the same kegger, and are still recovering.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593616 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

That would be more troubling.  The only way you'd get them all to the same kegger is if they knew the end was nigh.  Like maybe the planet-killer asteroid was coming tomorrow.  Or Goldman Sachs was about to declare bankruptcy.  You know- something that really would end the world.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:40 | 6593696 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I just told my assistant I was going to head home early because I felt "dehydrated".  She handed me a bottled water.

Why the fuck does this shit only work for the elites, but not for us regular people?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:42 | 6593706 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

I cannot recall who on ZH coined the monicker "Weeping Cheeto" for John Boehner, but it is the best derogatory nickname I have read.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:51 | 6593750 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

John's retiring so he can focus on his real passion.

Drinking.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:54 | 6593758 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

he was folding before he wasnt folding.   what's the big deal?

 

best, 

John Kerry

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 18:47 | 6594872 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

Nope. This is the Holy Ghost speaking to him.....he knows he is guilty just setting foot in those halls.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:32 | 6593923 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

That was me :D

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:02 | 6594082 Flagit
Flagit's picture

 

"You either get Heisenberg, or you don't." -  Meatwad

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:00 | 6594065 Flagit
Flagit's picture

 

Great ideas come from the Zero Hedge readership. The best ideas are free, and come from the heart.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 22:20 | 6595539 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

"The Weeping Cheeto" was coined by McMolotov I believe.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:13 | 6593547 SHEEPFUKKER
SHEEPFUKKER's picture

Way to cock block Obama/Xi press CONference

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:14 | 6593552 L Bean
L Bean's picture

ok lol nevermind. He's still drunk.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:15 | 6593557 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Oh brother.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:19 | 6593579 Countrybunkererd
Countrybunkererd's picture

Even as they step down they can't make a decison and hold to it.  What a way to run a country, no wonder the USA is in the deep end of the pool and doesn't know how to swim. 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593592 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I only took this position for the baby killing. If we can't do that then I'm gone........

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:22 | 6593596 KnuckleDragger-X
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

The GOP needs to eat more red meat instead of tofu...a redheaded mistress would help too...oh, and Viagra......

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:41 | 6593701 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

The Republicans have zero leadership right now. It's kinda sad to see Piglosi and Reed and the Dronemaster trample all over them.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:22 | 6593597 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Cry like a bitch, Tammy Fae Boehner!

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593623 Ward no. 6
Ward no. 6's picture

good for guys to cry...

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:32 | 6593646 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Not as much as this guy. He's weak and unstable. An absolute doormat that sold out the American public at nearly every turn...

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:43 | 6593714 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

Boner's press conference .... Going LGBT and will shack up with Barney Fwank!

 

OMG!

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:51 | 6593749 chrsn
chrsn's picture

Only when I'm the one who made them cry

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:42 | 6593708 TheFineKid
TheFineKid's picture

"Strong men also cry. Strong men also cry."

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:17 | 6593560 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Dehydration?  WTF!  Oh yeah.  Alcohol will dehydrate you.

This is all kabuki.  Nothing will change.  the Dems are still evil scum and the GO-PEE are cowards and cuckservatives for Bibi along with the dual Shit-i-Zen Democrats like Schumer and Feinstein.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:18 | 6593572 venturen
venturen's picture

Annouces he will join the Clinton Fund as a Lobbyist

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593586 Countrybunkererd
Countrybunkererd's picture

I think that conversation took place the day he stepped in...they only announce things when the get caught.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593593 Freddie
Freddie's picture

His sister or relative worked for the baby parts company that Planned Parenthood sells murdered babies to.

Maybe Boehner can sautee those murdered babies in whiskey or gin for that stem cell company.

F him and the phony sell out GO-Pee.  As evil as the Dems.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:18 | 6593577 SofaPapa
SofaPapa's picture

Okay, weird shit is going down here.  First, Yellen last night looking scared in her talk and then dropping near the end.  Now Boehner having trouble maintaining his front long enough to get the hell out of Dodge.  My spidey sense is tingling.  Something is disturbing these puppets.  What the hell are the big fish doing under the water that has these little fish panicking?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593588 L Bean
L Bean's picture

General Allen leaving too...

 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:23 | 6593606 Freddie
Freddie's picture

The German army colonel running anti-ISIS ops in N. Iraq is leaving too but in a pine box.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:49 | 6593745 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

When you disappear that much money on 'training' it is always wise to tie up loose ends.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:25 | 6593611 Countrybunkererd
Countrybunkererd's picture

Giving all the federal land leases to China?  Please, keep buying and holding treasuries...we promise you will get all resources on federal lands, really we do.  You can even send in troops with UN helmets to keep the peace as we go forward, to protect those resource permits...just make sure it is to maintain stable democracy when printed or spoken of in the news.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:28 | 6593627 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Nice analogy.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:33 | 6593654 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Calm down, Sofa.  I had the exact same thought as you (see above).  And I'm ALWAYS wrong.  Ask anyone around here and they'll all tell you I don't have two brain cells left to rub together.  

It'll be fine.  You'll see.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:41 | 6593705 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Well, not all of us can afford cord blood infusions and fetus frappe facials. I'm sure after they return from the Psychopatic Oligarch Spa (POS) you'll see them return to their happy peppy selves.

Miffed;-)

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:28 | 6594222 MansaMusa
MansaMusa's picture

What cities did Guccifer you were getting nuked again.....

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:28 | 6594223 MansaMusa
MansaMusa's picture

What cities did Guccifer you were getting nuked again.....

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:20 | 6593582 Luck Dragon
Luck Dragon's picture

Obama - That's what government is, we build roads.

 

Actually, Government is - Force.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:35 | 6593671 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

>Actually, Government is - Force.

or Farce... your pick.
Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:20 | 6593583 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

The rats are fleeing the sinking ship.......

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:33 | 6593907 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

No, Criminal Psychopaths / Sociopaths fleeing the Criminal Fraud UNITED STATES, CORP. INC. after fleecing The American People to their Fascist Banking Zionist overloards.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:21 | 6593585 vanderleun
vanderleun's picture

Just get off the stage before the lights dim. Door. Ass. Bang!

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:22 | 6593594 VWAndy
VWAndy's picture

How did they find somebody worse? I did not think that was even possible.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:23 | 6593604 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

A good Jesuit boy.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:24 | 6593609 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

What is a "Jesuit boy," pray tell?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:10 | 6593645 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

right - Jesuits are priest, pretty liberal and educated, about 3000 of them.

I wanted Chuck {who, by the way, I often agree with} to explicate his conspiracy theories and tender his complete lack of evidence for same.

"Jesuit boy" for a non-priest makes zero sense.

It also makes no sense to junk someone for asking someone else merely to explain something.

Or rather - it's effectively anger that anyone would dare question their favorite pet tinfoil theory that tends not to withstand much scrutiny.

Anybody who went to a Jesuit college can attest that they are the order *least* likely to be involved in the sort of megalomaniacal fuckery normally reserved for the "Rothschilds" and/or space lizards.

They like to drink and gamble and argue over whether God exists.

As most of them are in their 50s - if they secretly run the world, and not, you know... the usual suspects, one simply has to wonder why they would give so much power to another group and why they also tolerate the anti-christian activities of the ethnoreligious group which DOES, clearly and obviously, appear to be the group with the most say in the affairs of world banking and world governments.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 19:18 | 6594961 IronForge
IronForge's picture

Troll.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition...

You seem to forget the obvious Money Laundering(as claimed by the US State Dept), Child Molesting (and the lack of Prosecutions/Incarcerations that usually accompany such Crimes in most Civilized Nation-State.  660MM USD in Los Angeles Alone, with hardly a Perp Walk), and the Influence Peddling going on.

Looking back in history - especially over their inducing the European Dark Ages, Middle Ages, and the Colonial Age, do you think that the "Catholic Church" were never involved in Political Control?  Crusades? Inquisition? Regime Change of Ex-communicated Regents.  You're shitting me, right?

Also, if you take a good look at the SCOTUS Roster, we have 3 Jewish, and 6 Catholics (IIRC, all went to Jesuit Schools).  Last time I saw a Census Summary of the late 90s or the 10s, the USA, a PROTESTANT/DEIST/SECULARIST Country at its founding (Catholics at what, 1 to 4% of the population  back then?), had roughly 50% Protestants, 25%Catholics, and 25% (and increasing) non Xians (Jewish were 2-3%).

The case for Jewish and Catholic overrepresentation in the SCOTUS is pretty sound.   IMHO, a Court such as the SCOTUS should have a representation more akin to the USA's Population Base.  Our POTUSes should have looked a bit more closer on religious/ideological diversity when selecting SCOUTUS Candidates.   

Not just the Jesuit "Priests"- they absolve and cover up the Racket by the Layity.  In a bigger picture, it's the whole Roman Catholic Racket that's been taking place from the 4th Century CE that appears to be the problem with respect to Civility and the Rule of Law.

The Xian Jesus neve existed.  That's what makes them and their indecent acts so troublesome for the rational, law abiding People of the World.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 20:45 | 6595241 thebigunit
thebigunit's picture

I have no clue as to what the poster intended by "Jesuit boy".

Howerver, Jesuits were a Cathlic religious order of priests (known formally as the "Society of Jesus") founded by Saint Ignatious Loyala in 1534. Among their main focus was education.

Over time, they gained a reputation for cunning, sophistry, and intrigue.

A famous aphorism applied to the Jesuits illustrated their reputation:

"Accuse a Jesuit of murdering two men and a dog, and they will produce the dog."

 

 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:24 | 6593607 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

Josh Israel has a column on who the next speaker will likely be of 4 possibilities

http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2015/09/25/3705591/speaker-candidates-...

Fungible puppets of the Banks, MIC, and Israel - all of them.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:30 | 6593632 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Did you expect different from a guy named Josh Israel?  Dang, how simple do they have to make it?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:39 | 6593691 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

Seriously? Like anyone pays attention to "thinkprogress.org"?

 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:55 | 6593766 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

I read left wing and right wing shit.

So should you.

There are a few I can't stomach anymore. I can't read Daily Kos and I can't read anything associated with Bill "Israel First" Kristol.

But other than that... I'm generally willing to be convinced otherwise... that way I can concede that I'm not the smartest, but I am the "fairest" of them all...

Sat, 09/26/2015 - 11:01 | 6596353 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Kristol did groundbreaking work on "Soap," and he did pretty well with the Oscars.  But otherwise, he hasn't been relevant in 30 years.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593614 Keynesians say ...
Keynesians say the darndest things's picture

He needs to go the Potato Kerry route and marry a heiress to a famous condiment company

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593615 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Do guilottines cut through Cheetos?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:38 | 6593672 Likstane
Likstane's picture

Easy through wet ones...good thing he is rehydrated

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593618 arbwhore
arbwhore's picture

Too bad RINOs are not really endangered.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593620 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

FUCKEN fake bastard

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593621 Beowulf55
Beowulf55's picture

Now can we shoot the fucker?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:34 | 6593930 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Yea, shoot them all.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:26 | 6593622 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Why is everyone acting so weird?  Almost like something is going on that we are not privy to. (cue twilight zone music)

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:32 | 6593643 Grandad Grumps
Grandad Grumps's picture

So, will the worthless Boehner be moving to Israel now? ... with the rest of the "clever ones"?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:35 | 6593665 Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

As with all overt events in the dog and pony show that is the facade of "representative" government that represents only the highest bidders, one must wonder what's actually going on. 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:26 | 6594212 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Which bank bid the most for his FUTURE "services"? He WILL work for scumbag attorney firm....weapons, banks, big pharma, some one like that. 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:39 | 6593690 ToSoft4Truth
ToSoft4Truth's picture

Pillow biter.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:40 | 6593700 wmbz
wmbz's picture

Just go the fuck home already, you little dunk ass orange loser bitch!

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:50 | 6593748 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

IBM Watson for Speaker.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:14 | 6594145 Flagit
Flagit's picture

 Texas Instruments Speak&Spell for Speaker.

At least it would be obvious it has been programed what to say : /

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 13:54 | 6593761 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

There is a disturbance in the Force.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:05 | 6593807 Lookout Mountain
Lookout Mountain's picture

To be followed by excited celebration among hopleful conservative voters.

Then followed by the next republicrat who will replace Boehner.

Then followed by more of the same . . . 

 

 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:10 | 6593821 Sanity Bear
Sanity Bear's picture

Did I miss it? There was only video of Biden lying.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:31 | 6593914 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Dear Boner, if you have any questions about how America feels about you let me put them to rest. WE HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS GO DIE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT COCKROACH. Have a nice day.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:32 | 6593922 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Gee with you gone who's Oboner gonna get to blow him?

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:36 | 6593933 Zero-Hegemon
Zero-Hegemon's picture

This guy got more folds than origami

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 14:42 | 6593971 Plata con Carne
Plata con Carne's picture

Later days, you spineless, rheumy-eyed douchenozzle!

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 15:51 | 6594318 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

They made a movie about him back in the day, called "Crybaby". It was a musical.

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 17:57 | 6594680 The 22nd Prime
The 22nd Prime's picture

When I heard the news I got a really hard glistening orange Boehner. 

Fri, 09/25/2015 - 21:04 | 6595292 thebigunit
thebigunit's picture

"Boehner and Kerry went into a bar.

Kerry looked at the bartender and said "Whiskey for my men".

Boehner looked at the bartender and added, "and beer for my horses."

 

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