This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

If You Work Here, Quit Before You Are Fired: The 20 Largest US Layoff Announcements Of 2015

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Earlier today, in the latest laughable attempt to boost confidence in a clearly recessionary economy, the BLS reported that a paltry 277,000 Americans had sought unemployment benefits. Why laughable? Because at the very same time, Challenger Gray which actually tracks layoff notices and announcements, released its own data which starkly contradicted the US department of labor.

As a reminder, what Challenger found was that the third quarter ended with a surge in job cuts, as U.S.-based employers announced plans to shed 58,877 in September, a 43 percent increase from the previous month.

Worse, while one wouldn't know it by looking at Dept of Labor data, some 205,759 job cuts were announced in the third quarter, making it the largest job-cut quarter since the third quarter of 2009, when planned layoffs totaled 240,233.

So according to one data set people are filing for unemployment insurance near the lowest pace in history, according to the other, in the just concluded quarter, we just witnessed the most terminations in 6 years.

Judging by the economy's latest trajectory...

... we think we know who is telling the truth, and who is desperate to avoid the reality of the wreckovery.

So for those eager to push aside the endless government propaganda and concerned about the rapidly deteriorating economy, here is a list of the Top 20 biggest private-sector job cut announcements of 2015.

We previously profiled the top one, that of Hewlett Packard, as dictated entirely by rising stock-buyback considerations. The same can be said about many of the other corporations, where as long as shareholders continue placing their own immediate interests over the long-term interests of the underlying business viability, none of these companies are safe to work for.

Our advice: for anyone who is still employed at any of the following corporations, if you can find a job elsewhere (because the "recovery" and all), do it before you too become a seasonally-adjusted pink-slip.

 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:05 | 6618089 The Pope
The Pope's picture

Just QUIT! - lol

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:07 | 6618098 DOT
DOT's picture

The best advice ever.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:10 | 6618111 The Pope
The Pope's picture

Here's my addendum, before you locked my post.

 

Just QUIT! - lol (& know that you are truly BLESSED, each & every day, with the opportunity to do so in an anonymous fashion, & without recourse, by virtue of the gentile provocations of the Tylers).

 

Rock on bitchez!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:17 | 6618153 nuubee
nuubee's picture

Shouldn't Radio Shack be on the top of that list? I'm surprised it even exists anymore. It would have to completely re-vamp itself from consumer electronics boutique into a hackerspace outlet to have a chance at survival, and I don't see that happening.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:24 | 6618182 Dr. Venkman
Dr. Venkman's picture

Radioshack Ch 11 liquidation plan confirmation order to be entered first thing tomorrow morning likely.

seriously. nothing but the crying and the slow transformation into Sprint stores left.

https://cases.primeclerk.com/radioShack/Home-DocketInfo

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:59 | 6618341 Surly Bear
Surly Bear's picture

I don't see Citi....

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:04 | 6618353 espirit
espirit's picture

There goes the neighborhood.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:22 | 6618415 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Well, they got one thing going for them.

They're not training their H-1B replacement before the doorknob hits them in the ass on the way out.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:00 | 6618575 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

First, these are layoffs, not firings.

Second, always wait to be laid off because you can collect unemployment for years.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:31 | 6618927 AGuy
AGuy's picture

"Second, always wait to be laid off because you can collect unemployment for years."

And Severence Package.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:46 | 6618976 thecondor
thecondor's picture

yep. That's what my wife did at bridgestone. Rode it to the very last day which was yesterday. Six months severance. But since they botched so much shit up with their ''shared services'' they have to keep her around as a contractor. It's laughable. 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:12 | 6619334 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Poorly researched list.

There'll be hundreds more in between those ranks by the time OBOZOFUCKINGCARE is fully implemeted.

Thieving jews strike again!

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:53 | 6619376 Dubaibanker
Dubaibanker's picture

#‎demanddestruction

Put another way, henceforth, we should not discuss who is firing, we should only ask: IS THERE ANY COMPANY THAT IS NOT FIRING? (because the list of companies that are firing is getting too long).

In addition to the cuts mentioned in the post, just in the last 2 weeks, the following thousands of job cuts have occurred worldwide leading to more demand destruction, permanent factory closures and reduction in imports as well as global trade leading to lowest shipping costs in decades among various other changes to our society like #‎deglobalization due to lack of business on a permanent scale and lack of growth opportunities for all youngsters worldwide. 

More factories will continue to shut down worldwide as demand for almost every item in the world continues to shrink and losses as well as unrest continues to rise (regardless of any impact or improvement due to interest rate hikes or reductions or any impact whatsoever of currency depreciation).

This is one of the major contributing factors of the decline in global stock markets in every major country in the world since Jan 2015 aside from the influence of oil price decline and decline in sales revenues in almost every single sector worldwide. 

http://gulfnews.com/…/standard-chartered-middle-east-banker…

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/…/vedanta-group-…/1/481805.html

http://www.bloomberg.com/…/rbs-said-to-hire-credit-traders-…

http://asia.nikkei.com/…/Japanese-maritime-shipper-Daiichi-…

http://www.koco.com/…/sources-layoffs-happening-at…/35554482

http://www.cbc.ca/…/cenovus-energy-cuts-jobs-layoffs-1.3244…

In addition to the job cuts already done, hundreds of thousands of job cuts are expected in a variety of sectors around the world in the weeks/months ahead that have already been announced.

http://www.reuters.com/…/societe-generale-branches-idUSL5N1…

http://www.chinaeconomicreview.com/state-owned-coal-mining-…

http://www.wsj.com/…/bank-of-america-to-lay-off-more-than-1…

http://af.reuters.com/a…/investingNews/idAFKCN0RS1KS20150928

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/…/story-e6frg9df-1227548027…

http://www.cnbc.com/…/groupon-to-cut-about-1100-jobs-worldw…

http://www.reuters.com/…/us-sahaviriya-steel-bankruptcy-idU…

http://www.bbc.com/news/business-34350057

http://www.bbc.com/news/business-34380497

http://www.opb.org/…/npr-rapid-response-teams-organized-fo…/

Deustche Bank is set to announce a major restructuring in Oct 2015 and announce lay off of as much as 23,000 staff in the years ahead. 

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/deutsche-bank-axe-23000-jobs-john-…

Unicredit Bank from Italy will lay off more than 10,000 in the months ahead.

http://www.reuters.com/…/us-unicredit-redundancies-idUSKCN0…

And, we have not yet talked about the impact of oil price decline and the bankruptcies worldwide due to the same!

Thousands of more global job cuts are here:

Chesapeake Energy Plans to Cut 15% of Jobs

http://www.bizjournals.com/boston/blog/techflash/2015/09/what-you-should...

http://wina.com/news/064460-064460-064460-064460-064460-2-2-another-ship...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/constructionandproperty/...

http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/farming/agribusiness/72244467/fonterra-c...

http://www.upstreamonline.com/live/1411839/abb-in-job-cuts

http://www.zacks.com/stock/news/190798/deutsche-bank-to-shut-onshore-inv...

https://www.mirantis.com/blog/hp-enterprise-hit-hardest-pre-split-layoff...

http://www.idahostatesman.com/2015/09/22/4000107/aecom-announces-at-leas...

http://www.bizjournals.com/washington/blog/fedbiz_daily/2015/09/bae-syst...

http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/business/3846683-more-layoffs-planned-k...

http://seekingalpha.com/article/3531306-halliburton-internal-memo-and-so...

http://www.kcci.com/news/new-job-cuts-just-announcement-300-iowa-workers...

http://www.cinewsnow.com/news/local/CAT-WORKERS-FACING-LAYOFFS-HAVE-SAVI...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-09-29/glencore-collapse-drag...

http://www.fox23.com/news/news/local/layoffs-reported-chesapeake-energy/...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-10-01/amd-to-cut-5-of-global...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-10-01/conagra-will-cut-1-500...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-09-30/glencore-cuts-further-...

http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/10/01/us-wal-mart-layoffs-idUSKCN0RV...

http://www.wsj.com/articles/sprint-expected-to-cut-jobs-up-to-2-5-billio...

http://www.thestarphoenix.com/business/more+cuts+transcanada/11389684/st...

http://www.heraldcourier.com/workittricities/business_wire/spain-s-repso...

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:39 | 6619922 TemporarySecurity
TemporarySecurity's picture

Not true for the oil field companies, most are in states that only get 6 months.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:39 | 6619924 TemporarySecurity
TemporarySecurity's picture

Not true for the oil field companies, most are in states that only get 6 months.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:10 | 6619024 techpreist
techpreist's picture

Funny you mention that PE. When I left my current job (saw the writing on the wall, and landed a better position in a less FUBAR organization a couple months later), they had just hired a guy in India, and there was no mention of whether they were looking for my replacement in my local office.

On the one hand I feel bad for my colleagues, but on the other hand, when the company lays of 75% of HR, half of sales, and isn't replacing anyone who quits in marketing (unless it's an addition to the India team), you should know it's time to get your resume current.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:13 | 6619210 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Whole list reads like a who's who of douchebag corporations.  I'm surprised GE isn't in there.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:54 | 6619304 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

" I'm surprised GE isn't in there."

 

OF COURSE NOT. Their corporate masters at TEPCO wouldn't allow this.

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:32 | 6619530 roddy6667
roddy6667's picture

Where will I buy the tubes to build my short wave radio?

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 04:32 | 6619556 migra
migra's picture

If you quit you don't get unemployment. Who ever said to quit first is a fucking idiot.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 06:57 | 6619663 Chain Gun Smoke
Chain Gun Smoke's picture

Radio Shack would have to train their employees for that. At this point they only have experience hiring monkeys to sling cell phones.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:47 | 6618753 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

O.K, since you've been here 4 days 10 hours, I'll fill you in.

Once you post, and try to go back, IF someone has responded to it, you aren't allowed to edit it anymore.

It's NOT 'locking' per se. It's the way things ARE.

CAPISH, POPO?

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:45 | 6618971 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

You are not supposed to talk about. No one took me by the hand and showed me around......

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:38 | 6619236 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Sorry.

My 'bad'.

It took me close to a month to figure this out, way back 'when'. I was trying to help out a (possible) asset to the ZH fight-club (no one told ME about this, either, you know).

Dude wants to 'just quit'.

NO, he wants YOU and ME to 'just quit', and he whines and pules and bitches because he can't edit the posting (children are WHINERS, mostly). 'TYLERS are BLOCKING his INFANTILE POSTS, and he's gonna throw a TANTRUM!'

I'm sorry I wasn't there at the time to offer you the options as I have learned them out here in 'the Great Redoubt'. I have been too busy learning them to pay attention to others such as yourself, over here in Tyler Durden's domain. (PPHHH!) (Snorting my beer and stacking PHYZ) PLEASE don't be all 'butt-hurt' at me (PPHHH! The beer I just snorted is spraying out all over the keyboard, and you owe me a new one!).

(AHEM)

Mr., ....SCOTT...

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 05:18 | 6619583 RockySpears
RockySpears's picture

"The pope" doesn't seem to be a good guy.

Last I saw, he made a long time ZHer leave. 

See last 

"Miffed Microbiologist" post.

 

Not that I mind banter and even ridicule when deserved.  But vitriol is not good.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 07:31 | 6619733 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Locking your post would allow the people trampling our Constitutional guaranteed freedoms the opportunity to record your post without having to go back for the information that would still exist (just not in your post) if you deleted anything. You can save TPTB time. Just saying..

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:13 | 6618132 Gilnut
Gilnut's picture

I'm not quitting.  I'm milking this shit for all it's worth.  I work IT for a major bank so I'll be on the "short list" for termination, but I'm as ready as I can be :)  Until then I'm getting my shit in order.   The fukin' hilarious thing is that my mortgage is with the bank I work for, so if they lay me off, they lose money.  HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Fuk 'em all.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:20 | 6618162 Vlad the Inhaler
Vlad the Inhaler's picture

The taxpayer owns your mortgage :(

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:26 | 6618188 cro_maat
cro_maat's picture

When the dust settles on all of these ponzi schemes the banks and the FED will own a lot of RE. The taxpayer will get nothing.

If you really want to dive down the rabbit hole, google CEDE, Inc. and ask your RE agent whether your Certificate of Title is really a true title to the land (hint: it is not which is why a municipality or State can steal your land if you don't pay taxes.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:49 | 6618298 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Buying real assets with fake money issued by frausters, based on the productivity other people's children. Blowing up those who express reservations at the legitimaized fraud.

The only rhyme of history one needs to know.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:07 | 6618365 espirit
espirit's picture

Long, armed squatters.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:55 | 6618785 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

MERS (Mortgage Electronic Registration Systems).

SHOW ME THE TITLE!

OOPS...

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:44 | 6619137 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

Besides the joke MERS, title is a huge deal in old-world countires.

In Spain and Cyprus there are sometimes 4 on the same lot/title to be worked out.

You never know.

 

Of course this all assumes 20 years from now there will be provided utilites, fresh water, sewer, etc.

If thing go out the window...then we are all going to be off-grid by force.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:51 | 6618304 Gilnut
Gilnut's picture

Only if it's owned by Fannie or Freddie, which I stated was not the case.  If CONgress flips the bill to the taxpayers, that's not my problem.  Doubly, since I'll be unemployed for the first time in my life and ready to take care of myself.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 12:18 | 6621251 Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

"If You Work Here, Quit Before You Are Fired"

"The best advice ever."

More like stupid advice considering you won't get unemployment benefits if you quit, but would if you wait until you're actually laid off.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:14 | 6618138 Sockeye
Sockeye's picture

Fired is better. Because severance.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:22 | 6618170 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I believe it was Toys-R-Us that had an Indian taking notes and hovering over the soon to be departed...in order to get their severance packages.

Just gets ya all Christmasy doesn't it? ;-)

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:10 | 6618370 espirit
espirit's picture

Wally World is already there.

What happened to Halloween and Thanksgiving?

Retail is gonna suck wind this year (again).

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:51 | 6618765 StupidEarthlings
StupidEarthlings's picture

Haliburton? ... shit..we can fix this. 

 

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:09 | 6618847 Jeffersonian Liberal
Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

No, let them lay you off so that you get the unemployment insurance you've been paying for and that you deserve. They take it from your paycheck. They don't give you the choice. There's nothing wrong with using that insurance.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:01 | 6619014 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

excuse me,  excuse me.   it is not taken from the employee's check.  it is paid for by the business. and it was a state construct and was a percentage of your payroll multiplied by your multiplier.  the more layoff's you have the higher your multiplier.  i own a small business and my multiplier was 0 for years, but 2 years ago they changed it to a minimum of .13.  also now there is a federal unemployment insurance, same deal.

 

it is a business cost and not paid for by employee's except perhaps indirectly, and of course yet another set of feckless forms and monies to be tracked by the business for federal and state.

 

so fuck you business, especially small business,  get out that calculator, fill out those forms. have them in by x date along with a check

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:11 | 6619047 techpreist
techpreist's picture

Look at it this way:

I have $50,000 to spend on an employee. If the government requires me to pay $10,000 in various taxes and mandatory insurance on that employee, then the most I can agree to is $40,000. If those taxes didn't exist, I could offer up to $50,000.

In that sense, it is coming out of the employee's check, because that's money I could have paid him. I also own a small business and employ a contractor; I think at minimum we can agree that if the average employee had to deal with the same taxes and paperwork we do, there would be a tax revolt tomorrow.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 05:39 | 6619594 new game
new game's picture

u do the paperwork and my check is smaller. nobody revolting. plus we all happily s/ pay our shortfall by april 15th. wtf is wrong with these idiots? oh, backed by force, ha, scared of being cuffed, yup...

ok, i too had  s-corp. paid q's, and transferred thru the cash and avoided fica. yup, bout the only good it was.

just try to starve the beast(legaly) til it just doesn't matter. we may be there as the irs can only do so much to enforce 40,000 pages of conflicting law.

what a fcuking joke...

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:06 | 6618095 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

All heading to the SNAP side of the ledger, which requires higher taxes, but less people are working...

see the problem yet?

thin the motherfucking herd already!!!

 

OR

 

Prosecute the fucking fraud and clear the motherfucking DEBT!!!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:15 | 6618145 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

No one knows for sure how much of that is embezzled, but in 2012 Donald Berwick, a former head of the Centres for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), and Andrew Hackbarth of the RAND Corporation, estimated that fraud (and the extra rules and inspections required to fight it) added as much as $98 billion, or roughly 10%, to annual Medicare and Medicaid spending—and up to $272 billion across the entire health system.

 

http://www.economist.com/news/united-states/21603078-why-thieves-love-am...

 

Another example of an inept DOJ.

 

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:25 | 6618428 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Is this why .gov is placing ads on the Boob Tube asking all to report Medicare/Medicaid fraud?

Now that the program is in the crapper they want us start reporting fraud?

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:19 | 6618878 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Get your free Rascal scooter, knee brace and diabetic supplies while you can......  

C'mon - when they're advertising all this 'FREE!' stuff on TV for seniors yiou KNOW something smells - and that all is LEGAL.   Look at how much gov pays for rental of a wheelchair  (10 X more than it costs to BUY).   Medicare/Medicaid is a license to milk gov for money

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:14 | 6619056 techpreist
techpreist's picture

Medicare/Medicaid is a license to milk working people and productive business owners for money

Fixed.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 05:42 | 6619598 new game
new game's picture

math says loud and clear - insolvency, then wtf?

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 09:35 | 6620245 GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

The Government is a license to milk working people and productive business owners for money. FIFY.

Ever read "The Law" by Bastiat? He addresses the issue, calling it plunder. Recommended reading for everyone. Indeed, everyone elected or appointed to office, at any level, should be forced to read it at least once a week.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:11 | 6618857 Jeffersonian Liberal
Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

There's a difference between "thinning the herd" (an act of deliberation) and simply allowing the weak to pass on by removing the artificial support that keeps the parasites of a culture fat and drunk and breeding.

We don't need to "thin the herd."

We simply need to allow the fiat-based system to collapse. The parasites will revolt until they eat themselves.

We can then rebuild the system using the sound principles of yesteryear (pre 1913).

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:37 | 6618952 Jeffersonian Liberal
Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

There's a difference between "thinning the herd" (an act of deliberation) and simply allowing the weak to pass on by removing the artificial support that keeps the parasites of a culture fat and drunk and breeding.

We don't need to "thin the herd."

We simply need to allow the fiat-based system to collapse. The parasites will revolt until they eat themselves.

We can then rebuild the system using the sound principles of yesteryear (pre 1913).

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:31 | 6619096 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

 All heading to the SNAP side of the ledger...

And you'd think that would be bullish for JP Morgan...

http://www.rooseveltinstitute.org/new-roosevelt/food-stamps-jpmorgan-ban...

This week’s credit check: A record 43.6 million Americans are using food stamps. JPMorgan’s segment that makes food stamp debit cards made $5.47 billion in net revenue in 2010.

You might think that if you’re on food stamps, big banks won’t be very interested in you. What could they possibly want with someone who’s struggling just to put food on the table? But it turns out that you’re actually part of a profitable business for big bank JPMorgan. While the money to pay for the stamps comes from the government, the technology to access it lies in private hands. Food stamps used to be literally stamps — that is, pieces of paper — but in this day and age paper is so old fashioned. Now you get your food stamps with a debit card, and JPMorgan knows all about creating plastic credit products.

But no so. Especially ironic perhaps for the recently JPM departed:

And the decision to place card creation in private hands can turn out to be complicated for the actual users. While the government outsourced its card creation needs to JPMorgan, the bank in turn outsourced the customer service end to India. So if you’re a food stamp user who has a problem or a question, don’t expect to actually get someone in your own country to help you out. They can’t be bothered to actually deal with the people they’re giving such a necessary service to.

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:12 | 6618117 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

If you have a decent IQ and are industrious, esp the industrious part, you should think about walking away and starting your own business.

 

If you have a so-so IQ and are lazy, get yourself a life-time, can-never-be-fired gubmint job. As someone else comments here all the time, private sector working for someone else jobs is a very dead end for 95% of the people.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:14 | 6618381 espirit
espirit's picture

Tried that. Marketing wanted 30% of the profits.

Under the table makes you a criminal. Que Sera, Sera.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:31 | 6618924 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

What's 'Marketing'?

(That's a question that shouldn't be answered, as the pasty-faced kids from Madison Avenue might get offended because their chosen profession would be rendered meaningless.)

There are LOTS of definitions for 'table'. One of these is where people sit down to eat, and one is a thing that people set shit on because it's more neat than setting shit on the floor. Insurance companies use this term to describe 'actuarials' when they 'number-crunch' ('actuarial tables'), but they are really 'charts' (which people also call 'chart-porn'). OH, wait. The 'light bulb is getting brighter for me...

I GET IT! When you work 'under the table' you are actually taking on the position of a sex worker who performs a 'needed service' for UNTAXED FEDRES NOTES!

I wouldn't call that 'criminal'. The 'criminal' part has to do with the trade of time for 'payment' in the form of a fiat, fake, false currency (instead of lawful money); ART. I, sections 8 and 10, Constitution FOR The United States (for example).

They say that prostitution is the 'oldest profession' (the ones that write economic textbooks and run the banking cartels, that is).

"Under the table makes you a criminal. Que Sera, Sera." YOU SHOULD NOT BELIEVE THE LIES.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:28 | 6618440 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Getting a job with .gov only works if you're a disadvantaged minority.

Meaning if you're male and white don't bother apply. Sorta like the NBA and the NFL.

Oh, the diversity! NOT!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:13 | 6618639 GooseShtepping Moron
GooseShtepping Moron's picture

Interesting. I've never had my IQ tested, but various IQ proxies I have taken (e.g. SAT, ACT, ASVAB) indicate that mine is probably about three standard deviations above the median. I have plenty of initiative, but I've never started a business before. The idea of "starting a business" seems a little too abstract to me. What kind of business should I start? One ought to do something that one likes and is good at; but for myself, I've never known quite what that was.

Do you want to know the ironic thing? I'm white, I'm male, and I have a .gov job. I'm thinking of going after an intragovernmental transfer to a position with more responsibility and influence over public policy.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:33 | 6618708 Faeriedust
Faeriedust's picture

Certainly, if you want the headaches that go along with power.  "Responsibility" usually means dealing with more unpleasant people, more of the time. It can also require you to put your head on the chopping block when someone else screws up.  Or when someone SETS you up, to achieve their own goals for public policy.  Depends on your tolerance for idiots.  As you know, given your proxy intelligence scores, the majority of humanity are idiots -- even in top positions.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:48 | 6618756 GooseShtepping Moron
GooseShtepping Moron's picture

No argument from me about any of that.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:49 | 6618985 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

SO,

Within the self-percieved notions that you have regarding 'intelligence', you think to YOURSELF that serving a government master that makes a habit of subordinating those 'lower classes' of people that have the unfortunate position of being 'governed' despite their desire for freedom FROM such governance makes you somehow 'more intelligent' than the 'rabble'.

The VERY FACT that you have chosen to allow yourself to be subordinated to those whose only goal is to subordinate and enslave masses (because you make a so-called' living' at it) makes you unworthy of ANY accolades regarding your so-called 'intelligence'. Since you lack the ability to make a living in the so-called 'real world', you have taken the cowardly and avorous path of working FOR the very people who declare YOU to be a 'useful eater' (as long as you tow the line, that is).

YEAH.

YOU are fucking SMART.

GO BACK NOW, and process those EBT payments. NOW.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:01 | 6619180 RichardParker
RichardParker's picture

It is not a question of intelligence, it is a question of morals. 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:53 | 6618773 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

I took an IQ test in Reader's Digest as a kid.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:25 | 6619074 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

'Fariedust' said that those were only 'proxy' test scores.

I read the 'Reader's Digest' when they published an article called 'Terror at Tenerife' (or something like that), regarding the collision of the Pan Am 747 with the KLM 747 on the runway. I think it's still the worst civil aviation disaster to date (something like 500+ people killed). I think I was 14 or something when I read it. Strange, though, the writing was calibrated for the average 3rd grader (and it was really simple to read, although terrible to envision). It held my interest for all of 20 minutes.

A little earlier in my life, I read the 4-part story in National Geographic about Robin Lee Graham, the youngest solonavigator of the globe to date (started at 16, ended at 21). This led me to go buy the original printing of the book 'Dove'; wherin he described his solonavigation as '30,600 miles'. I got my first answer in the Stanford-Binet 'IQ' tests wrong; when asked to give the distance around the equator (none of my so-called 'teachers' had bothered to impart this fact to me), so I only scored a 163 on that one (much to my parent's dismay). I tried to explain this to them, but they wouldn't/couldn't understand my 'fallacious answer'. WTF, I was 12 years old!

SOME DICKWEED MOTHERFUCKER tries to come along and tell YOU/US/TYLER how 'smucking fart' he is because he works for the fracking GOVERNMENT, and makes it sound 'so good' (with the help of his fucking second-fucking-trollista motherfucker).

Personally, I BOOSTED my I.Q. when I was a kid by reading Reader's Digest (before they became a mouthpiece for the Media-Industrial Complex).

I'll bet you PASSED the I.Q. test, Fred.

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:29 | 6619361 optimator
optimator's picture

I improved my reading ability at a very young age by reading Mad.  Also, my parents purchased a large tract of land with an old shack.  While their new house was being built and before they had the shack torn down I saw the attic was insulated with 1939 through 1946 national newspapers.  I was a military buff even then but my parents eventually did away with them.  

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 04:35 | 6619559 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

I spent most of my time causing the pages of  Penthouse and Playboy magazines to get stuck together. 

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:58 | 6618796 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

What kind of business should I start?

If you do not know, then do not start one.

By the way, that is not the question that many europenan of old migrants asked. 

The only question for them was. - What can I start, that will make money, so my family will not starve.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:31 | 6618925 GooseShtepping Moron
GooseShtepping Moron's picture

Why don't you learn to spell, read some actual history, get a life, and go fuck yourself, in no particular order.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:44 | 6619138 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

A 'good, worthy, intelligent' goose-stepping govenment employee 'leader' would not admonish those who are being led to do something that he, himself, would not do personally in front of his 'troops'.

 

In 3, 2, 1...

"...go fuck yourself"


Yeah, you're REALLY fucking SMART (as far as ASVAB, that is, you fucking tool). Did you get 30 out of 40 on that 'spatial relations' testing?

WHICH language are you referring to (as far as 'learning how to spell')? WHOSE history are you talking about? WHAT is the REAL meaning of 'life', and WHO defines that one 'gets one'?

NAW, I'd rather watch you try to FUCK YOURSELF, FOR THE 'TROOPS' under 'YOUR COMMAND' (that is). A legend never dies, you know. YOU are a LEGEND (in YOUR OWN MIND). 'Fariedust' absolutely LOVES you.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:25 | 6619871 Grouchy Marx
Grouchy Marx's picture

While you have not proven to me that you are three standard deviations above the average in intelligence, you have demonstrated that you are three deviations below the average in courtesy, kindness, and humility. 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 01:25 | 6619431 chopd livr
chopd livr's picture

unless u wanna b a cop

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:27 | 6618688 Faeriedust
Faeriedust's picture

Actually, government jobs work quite nicely for those of  us who are certifiable Geniuses.  Your high intelligence creates efficient ways to get all the work done  in an hour or two out of eight, and then you can spend the rest of the time collecting pay for doing your own research, writing books, and keeping up with the news, all while collecting fully covered health insurance, retirement, and excellent vacation time benefits.  All the while showing up your less gifted colleagues in terms of amount accomplished.

Sorry, I've worked the private industry meatgrinder for QUITE long enough.  Why slave for those whose entire purpose is to squeeze as much out of you as can be bled and then toss you under a bus?  The Gubmint pays decently for the little it demands, and the jobs are relatively secure.  Hard work should be reserved for one's own purposes.

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:13 | 6618131 lostintheflood
lostintheflood's picture

why quit before you are fired?  if you wait until you are fired, you will at least qualify for (hopefully) some severence and a bit of unemployment insurance to get you to the next point of cash flow...

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:16 | 6618150 Fahque Imuhnutjahb
Fahque Imuhnutjahb's picture

Hey man!  You're harshing my melodrama!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:36 | 6618242 DOT
DOT's picture

I sure as hell would not want to be Lost in the Flood in a downsizing event. Everybody and their sister looking for a local spot.....moving a family is a real bitch.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:18 | 6619067 techpreist
techpreist's picture

I agree. If you had a side business you wanted to take full time then waiting for the layoff might work, otherwise it's better to beat the rush for a new job, and get one now.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:16 | 6618151 ZippyDooDah
ZippyDooDah's picture

No. Actually, hang onto your job as long as possible, then make your employer lay you off so you can collect unemployment compensation. 'Cause you won't easily find a job to match the one you have now. Not gonna happen.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:19 | 6618158 CHoward
CHoward's picture

NEVER, EVER QUIT!!  If they don't want/need you - make them pay. 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:19 | 6618159 The Indelicate ...
The Indelicate Genius's picture

I'd love to seee a graph of H1B visas cross reffed with this by company.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:21 | 6618165 silverer
silverer's picture

Obama's blessing, because he cares about the ordinary hard working American.  He wants to make you think everything is OK, and spare you from the pain and stress of reality.  What a wonderful effort, proving he really cares.  Michelle cares, too.  Really.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:36 | 6618243 lordbyroniv
Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:45 | 6618281 Zarbo
Zarbo's picture

CEO for HP, Meg Whitman has announced two things 1) we will hire no engineers except at the start of their careers, and 2) no more telecommuting.  I got hit by both of these being implemented in my lab section.  I wish HP's customers all the luck in the world with product quality as these two brilliant ideas get implemented.  Move over Carly.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:17 | 6618657 Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper's picture

Bye, bye HP!  Death by a thousand arrows of incompetence.  Meg Whitman?  Amazon?  High tech manager?  Bye, bye America!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:50 | 6618301 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Actually the stupid thing to do would be to quit. Quit and get nothing.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 18:51 | 6618303 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

I think IBM should be on this list. 2015 has been an ongoing bloodbath for them, no?

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:02 | 6618345 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

...kind of makes you wonder who is buying these companies' products and with what money...

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:08 | 6618368 trader1
trader1's picture

Does anyone here work for any of these companies?

Are you cool to the corporate state of affairs?

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:11 | 6618374 J Pancreas
J Pancreas's picture

Where am I going to find a career path if I'm let go of Wet-Seal?? I've been at the same mall store for the last 15 years and am up to $12/hour :( :(

 

Yes we kahn!!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:18 | 6618398 espirit
espirit's picture

Woo - Hoo, you go dude.

Obammy will see to it you get $15 per hour before he leaves office.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:01 | 6618806 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

If you're not mgmt after 15 years, it's called a job.  

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:08 | 6619202 J Pancreas
J Pancreas's picture

Sheeeeeesh... next time I'll put a /sarc tag!!

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:22 | 6619354 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

If it's management after 6 minutes...

It's still a job.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:21 | 6619350 optimator
optimator's picture

Will you lose your Earned Income if you're laid off? 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:14 | 6618382 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Haven't you heard that unemployment going down?

Your only considered to be unemployed if your collecting your 26 week unemployment insurance. 

Once it runs out your considered discouraged and not unemployed.

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:15 | 6618387 starman
starman's picture

Frankly I want moar roadworkers to fix all them highways cause Im sick of the traffic delays!

"your tax dollars at work" Funded by brother Obama!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:17 | 6619209 RichardParker
RichardParker's picture

You don't want that.  LOL...  Take at look the Chicagoland area.  Roads constantly being ripped up whether they need to be replaced or not.  To add further insult to injury your commute time increases 50-100%. 

You payed them in money but that wasn't good enough.  So, they also rob you of your time.  Gready Mfers. :)

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:16 | 6618391 J Pancreas
J Pancreas's picture

I put my full 401(k) + my 3% company match in my employer's Wet-Seal stock. Should I be worried? I'm married with a family of 8 children. My company said this would never happen!!

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:21 | 6618412 espirit
espirit's picture

Hide your assets in a deep lake and declare bankruptcy.

You'll make moar money on welfare with 8 chiluns.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:23 | 6618419 espirit
espirit's picture

---or claim 16 dependent's like the "Cans" do. 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:52 | 6618769 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

Many did the same thing at ENRON. How did that turn out?

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 22:17 | 6619065 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

It is rather surprising that you would ask such a question on ZH.  If you have really been reading for 2 years and 8 weeks then you should be fully aware that 401ks have been gated, MyRAs announced, and the clock set to ticking for bailins and confiscations.  You should already know your 401k is gone daddy gone.

OTOH you read like you are playing a bit of a role with the seeming innocence of your questions.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:12 | 6619211 J Pancreas
J Pancreas's picture

Good grief! Ive been reading since 2009 but only registered to upvote MDB_ and downvote Robotrader 2 years ago and am kidding about the Wet Seal!!! I only make $9 an hour there and actually have 14 children

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:25 | 6619357 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Cheer up.

At least it ain't JC Penny.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:52 | 6619540 roddy6667
roddy6667's picture

I retired from their supply chain two years ago. I was lucky to get out. They pay half for the same work now. Mostly ghetto trash working as temps. JCP is a turd circling the bowl.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 04:29 | 6619553 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

Free Francis Sawyer

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:24 | 6618421 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

Do not quit. 

Stay and get your severance and 26 weeks of unemployment.

Make sure you are vested in your Pension Plan, if the company has one.

Make sure your 401k is protected due to market volatility.

Start Looking for a JOB NOW.

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:25 | 6618427 Lucky Leprachaun
Lucky Leprachaun's picture

Good advice.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 19:28 | 6618442 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Look for another job. Even if they don't lay you off, there's still the same amount of work to be done. They bank on pushing the efficiency gains through you. You're better off getting the axe.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:16 | 6618651 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

LOL, and they cry about finding quality employees?  YOu can't fucking trust an employer for anything these days.  Unless you are a god of technical skill and can write your own ticket anywhere you're fkd.  And that's maybe 1% of the workforce.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:59 | 6618787 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

Yup, loyalty doesn't exist anymore when I saw firsthand at a former company where they laid off many long employed dedicated 10-20+ year employees in favor of lesser paid workers... 

 

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:33 | 6618712 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

What you also don't see are companies that can still afford to give out severances to thousands will not appear on these lists.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 20:58 | 6618798 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

Wet Seal... I had to Google that. We used to call it beaver

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:03 | 6618813 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

These are relatively small numbers, actually, at least once past the HP, who have already announced the jobs will be outsourced and rehired probably in India.

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 21:09 | 6618846 Westcott Canon
Westcott Canon's picture

I believe you have my stapler.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 02:40 | 6619490 uncle_disgusting
uncle_disgusting's picture

uhhh, we're gonna need you to go ahead and move your things down to the garage

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 23:19 | 6619223 BustainMovealota
BustainMovealota's picture

Wet Seal is one fucked up company....

Even as stores were closing and the share price of WTSL dropped to $0.06, the firm decided to increase the CFO, Thomas Hillebrandt's pay by $95,000

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:29 | 6619359 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Good management should be rewarded.

Those cheap fucks.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 01:24 | 6619427 Flagit
Flagit's picture

 

Seal123 Inc OTCMKTS: WTSLQ - Oct 1 11:38 AM EDT 0.01  (up 67.92%)
Never a better time to get in. Only one way to go but up!
Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:10 | 6619330 Enough Already
Enough Already's picture

Nah, if you quit you don't get unemployment. 

 

Wait to be fired ...

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 00:51 | 6619389 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

If you quit, you will have a bitch of a time collecting unemployment.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:35 | 6619531 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

HP LOL Carly for President, silly republicans

Ya let's run a female sociopath against their female sociopath......

.....and a dozen idiots pushing socialist criminal invasion

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:37 | 6619532 zvzzt
zvzzt's picture

Life would be much better (and the ecnomy much, much stronger) if the list was something like:

* IRS

* .GOV

* FED

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 03:38 | 6619534 GreatUncle
GreatUncle's picture

All those not in work,not in retirement or disabled is the true unemployment figure not if you get welfare.

There is a term for this group it is called inactive and NO POLITICIAN will state it speaks volumes for the true state of the economy.

The other non-recovery trend is underemployed with not enough hours or part time work all at suppressed wage levels and that is TURNING INTO A JAPANESE zombie economy.

If the US dollar was not a fiat currency the only sensible thing to do would be to short every thing but with fiat they just keep printing and lying although getting harder to pay the only interest loan is it not?

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 06:20 | 6619630 graspAU
graspAU's picture

Watched a good interview on Bloomberg the other day. All banks are getting crushed due to Volker Rule, other Dodd-Frank and regulator requirements. The analogy was they are in straight jackets, and locked in a room compared to pre-2008. Name a top 10 bank and they should be on the list above. Either laying off, moving anything not nailed down to Asia or both. Some employers are masters of conducting layoffs without hitting thresholds of manadatory public reporting. Lay off 10 here, 20 there, constantly for months, and they are all considered small single events.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 06:50 | 6619656 Wow72
Wow72's picture

They all seem to be coordinating the "purge"  so as to not cause too many ripples in the pond.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 07:06 | 6619680 CunnyFunt
CunnyFunt's picture

... and just yesterday Conagra announces 1500 job cuts and decides to move its HQ from Omaha to Chicago, ffs, Chicago!

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 07:30 | 6619722 Slowdrip
Slowdrip's picture

CAT, 10,000, 1st round, just to start, friend received layoff papers yest, totally bummed out, hitting the bottle hard.....

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:21 | 6619857 SolarSystem1932
SolarSystem1932's picture

Slowdrip,

"...hitting the bottle hard..."

My 45 year old (young) neighbor tried that.

He recently had a gall bladder problem that revealed renal failure, which led to 5 days in the hospital.

Doc says quit drinking or die. Now his working wife is even more pissed.

Last time I saw him, he looked like a ghost, and couldn't really communicate that well.

Then he got in his truck and drove off. 

Take that lesson before it reaches home.

Shit!

 

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 07:45 | 6619765 HoserF16
HoserF16's picture

...to be replaced by Robots. "I'll take the one with Powty Lips please."

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:06 | 6619809 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

IBM fired 14,000 in 2014 and appears to be on track to equal that number in 2015. A lot of jobs are being transferred to India. For those IBM customers who do not want their accounts serviced by people in India, IBM is bringing the Indians here under the H1B program. I kid you not.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:14 | 6619823 mcl2177
mcl2177's picture

IBM layed off 50k last year in India. Not defending just saying there doing it everywhere.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:13 | 6619828 mcl2177
mcl2177's picture

Why quit? Then you won't get unemployment.

Fri, 10/02/2015 - 08:30 | 6619888 gaoptimize
gaoptimize's picture

What about the massive BofA layoffs in a story here earlier the week?  http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-09-29/big-bank-pink-slip-pandemonium-...

Why didn't it make this list?  It causes me to be suspicious about the data source and analysis.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!