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What The "Real F**king News" Would Look Like

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Tired of the same old government-directed, politically-correct mainstream media diatribe of 'everything is awesome', good-guy-bad-guy, "this is what to think" news? Well this angry 'reporter' exposes what the real news would sound like.

 

Note: Jonathan Pie is a satirist

 

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Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:03 | 6655304 Urban Roman
Urban Roman's picture

Yeah, looks like a trademark violation of Deek Jackson's news show.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:11 | 6655322 Haole
Haole's picture

Just came in to give Deek props...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:25 | 6655359 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Does he work for the same comedy team as Emily?

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:46 | 6655411 Nenad
Nenad's picture

Obama will not finish his second term! Current Events Linked to Ancient Biblical Prophecy!

http://motivationdose.com/is-america-babylon/

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:05 | 6655445 Insanity Wolf
Insanity Wolf's picture

I use chicken bones to predict the future. 

The only thing they're telling me is that Nenad is in for a good old fashioned ass raping.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:04 | 6655601 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

I use raccoon penis bones...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:16 | 6655644 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

There would actually be bad press about the tribe in the news then.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:33 | 6656704 Keyser
Keyser's picture

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act"...  George Orwell

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:57 | 6656775 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

you cannot choose a better writer for an exigesis of the world to come.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:15 | 6656810 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

though i learned the term from barbara davies, my english teacher for my last two years at fletcher high school, the best teacher i ever had (two ivy league degrees), it still carries a biblical cachet.  use that at your choosing.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:30 | 6656842 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

If this guy were to replace Tom Brokaw... I would actually watch the main stream news.  Alas, he's probably already been fired.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:32 | 6656851 cookie nookie
Mon, 10/12/2015 - 02:34 | 6657414 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

One America News.

http://www.oann.com/

 

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 06:20 | 6657572 VinceFostersGhost
VinceFostersGhost's picture

 

 

Clearly staged.....but cute.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:01 | 6656708 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

now in college among my best friends were some jews, from suffolk county long island. they turned me on to the blues project  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psSy1asRleM  thank you.

but still and all, they were wrong; not about blues-inflected rock music but about israel.

and so no, there will never be bad news about the tribe in the msm.  

it does seem unfair . . . .

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 09:42 | 6658044 detached.amusement
detached.amusement's picture

love finding some good ol stuff I havent come across before, thanks

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 11:12 | 6658445 All Risk No Reward
All Risk No Reward's picture

The "tribe" of Debt-Money Monopolists. Stop being ignorant and blaming an entire population of people that have no clue how debt-based monetary systems are going to implode their world, too.

Stop protecting the European Royalty Scumbags.

Stop concealing the Rockefeller Scumbags.

Stop being so useful to the oligarchy.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:25 | 6655685 Muh Raf
Muh Raf's picture

And in other news, guns are inanimate objects and people can be bad sometimes - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pELwCqz2JfE

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:00 | 6655789 nmewn
nmewn's picture

The Real F**king News!

I regret to inform the members of Zero Hedge there's been yet another senseless mass shooting...

“Almost like fire crackers but louder,” said neighbor Felicia White."

...I know how you must have felt Felicia, it must have been a very traumatic and horrifying experience for you.

"Neighbors reported hearing five gun shots."

I'm sure Obama will have some comments this evening.

"Police said that bullets hit all three suspected robbers. They said the suspects jumped into a Silver Dodge Avenger driven by a fourth man, and that the suspects stopped at an intersection by nearby Duncanville High School.

The three men who suffered gunshot wounds were arrested and taken to the hospital."

Wait, wut? ;-)

http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2015/10/05/homeowner-fights-back-shoots-three-su...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:31 | 6656154 847328_3527
847328_3527's picture
Thug Shot, Four Captured Attempting To Ambush Houston Police Officer

 

A group of teen-aged thugs struck out in spectacular fashion last night when they apparently selected a vehicle at random to follow in hopes of ambushing it to rob the driver and/or carjack the vehicle.

Their target?

A 34-year veteran sergeant of the Houston Police Department who wasn’t impressed with them, at all....

 

http://bearingarms.com/thug-shot-four-captured-attempting-ambush-houston...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:41 | 6656171 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

After katrina, Houston, Austin and Dallas turned into cesspools. Add in the Kornifornians and it really sucks there now.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:50 | 6656339 ZD1
ZD1's picture

Those cities are about to get worse once the Obama regime imports thousands of Muslims into Texas.

Al hijrah, jihad by immigration.

http://www.dcclothesline.com/2015/04/12/first-of-thousands-of-syrians-re...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:51 | 6656735 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

austin and dallas.  every city of consequence in california.

yes, that sounds about right.

thank you for another word for the pilgrimage.  i am an atheist, particularly since we are on a public forum.

i get your drift.

remember the value added by the cheapest immigrants (they were women and female children) was the secret to the success of this once-lovely country.  that and its tear-jearking constitution.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:27 | 6656262 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...more Darwin Award candidates who didn't quite make the final cut ;-)

Here we go...moar nuuuz!

The Real F**king News-3!

Fresh on the heels of the bumbling baffoons of the EPA releasing millions of gallons of toxic wastewater they did the same thing again last week...

"The spill happened at 1:30 p.m. Tuesday, and the EPA said it immediately informed public works officials. Residents weren't notified. Crested Butte Mayor Aaron Huckstep said he wasn't notified until Thursday.

Sooo, ummm, somebodies lying here and I'm placing a large wager for anyone to take me up on that it's the EPA...cuz, ya know, 2,000 gallons of toxic water released into a source of drinking water for the town of Crested Butte would sorta be in the words of Crazy Uncle Joe Biden "a big fucking deal man."...I would suspect...TO THE MAYOR.

Continuing...

"They told us things were going to be different. Now we have a spill. ... We've apparently got a real challenge with the EPA, not only with notification but their accountability and their ability to adequately execute these types of cleanup projects," Tipton said. "They've got resources. They're the ones in charge of the program. And they've had two spills in my district alone. Is there a better way to approach this?"

You could probably start by keeping the large, lumbering giant bureaucracy that is the EPA away from handling anything toxic and confine it to doing simple clerical work, they apparently don't even know who to call in an emergency of their own creation.

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_28940776/epa-crew-at-standard-mine-abo...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:40 | 6656733 NoPension
NoPension's picture

At this rate, the EPA fines, to the EPA, will put a big dent in the budget shortfall.
Oh, wait....

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:53 | 6656768 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

you had me at oh.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:03 | 6656787 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I was left wondering about that too, somehow WE have to pay for their mistakes? In a sane, rational world that doesn't happen.

I mean, when the private sector screws up .gov throws their ams out of joint slapping themselves on the back about how "they" went after the cretins (for the people...lol)...the largest fines imposed for this offense evah!!! The CEO, CFO fired, perp walked & black listed forever. The company board deck chairs reshuffled and a brand new compliance office created!

Oh joy.

When .gov does it over & over again...it's just a whoopsie, no ones fired...ever...here...we'll just transfer you, don't worry, your pension and benis are unaffected, have a nice day!!! For them it's good to belong to the largest gang on the block, everyone understands what it is.

For us, not so much ;-)

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 00:46 | 6657284 BarkingCat
BarkingCat's picture

I wonder if the local towns or counties can find some laws to arrest and prosecute these bastards on.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:46 | 6656348 Haole
Haole's picture

They're lucky the officer is an honorable man and apparently a good cop...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:37 | 6656718 NoPension
NoPension's picture

Just some bored Kneegrows, out for a little fun.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:35 | 6656795 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

looks like you (nmewn) are making progress.

though i can't live it, i agree that a whole lot of regular people carrying concealed would help us out a bunch.  

people who live their prejudices will forever by fooled.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:14 | 6656635 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Toothpicks!  Fuck yeah!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:04 | 6655731 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

"I use chicken bones to predict the future. "

'Regurgomancy' over hyah. Accurate prophecies require clarity of mind, body and spirit, not to mention a strict diet of Alphaghetti.

Find out more from:

The Brotherhood of the Amorous Tarsier

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:54 | 6655924 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

your link doesnt work

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 16:08 | 6655936 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

hunh

Just use the text to search for images then.  Should be SFW

 

The Brotherhood of the Amorous Tarsier thanks you for your interest.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:51 | 6656197 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

LOLZ at this:

 

"I use chicken bones to predict the future. "


EVERYONE knows if you want to predict the future you cast runes, numbnuts.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:26 | 6656679 saratogaprepper
saratogaprepper's picture

Had to log-in just to hat tip. 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:56 | 6655581 Jeffersonian Liberal
Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

 

Oh, I see.

The "real" news is not quite as leftist as it should be.

So we have this totally rehearsed leftist finally getting to vent on what is "real," which is way further to the left than the leftist agency he works for.

Got it.

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:16 | 6655835 Endgamer
Endgamer's picture

Yeah, he really stuck it the man, there. Bravo.... /golfclap

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:26 | 6656835 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

it's obvious in retrospect but i chuckled.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:50 | 6655913 Demdere
Demdere's picture

https://thinkpatriot.wordpress.com/2015/10/11/lebowski-enlightenment-6/

I think that most everything misses the point, which is that our tools of thought don't do the job.  That is the issue underlying all of the failures, every person in authority, making decisions, is convinced they are doing the right thing.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:47 | 6656857 jeff montanye
Sun, 10/11/2015 - 16:39 | 6655974 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Speaking of the perils of leftwing ideology, Pajamas Boy & Julia (Obama's Millennials & Generation Zer's) have graduated or are about to and I think we can all agree universities of (cough cough) higher learning are bastions of the left and all that is good in a touchy-feely Marxian utopian society, so let's just take a peek inside those hallowed halls and see what's going on and what our society is sending there...

The Real F**king News-2!

"At the first meeting, we learned that emergency calls to Counseling had more than doubled over the past five years. Students are increasingly seeking help for, and apparently having emotional crises over, problems of everyday life. Recent examples mentioned included a student who felt traumatized because her roommate had called her a “bitch” and two students who had sought counseling because they had seen a mouse in their off-campus apartment. The latter two also called the police, who kindly arrived and set a mousetrap for them."

Yes of course, when all your whining & sniveling to "counselors" about a fucking mouse leaves you unsatisfied, the thing to do is call in Big Brother...to set a mouse trap FOR YOU. 

"We have raised a generation of young people who have not been given the opportunity to learn how to solve their own problems."

We? You...not me.

"They have not been given the opportunity to get into trouble and find their own way out, to experience failure and realize they can survive it, to be called bad names by others and learn how to respond without adult intervention. So now, here’s what we have: Young people,18 years and older, going to college still unable or unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, still feeling that if a problem arises they need an adult to solve it."

Not to worry, I'm sure a little more "counseling" will solve it, I mean, some great stateswoman once remarked "It takes a village to raise a child." didn't she?...lol.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201509/declining-stud...

///////

I've offended some Millennials & Generation Zer's? 

Well good, seek some counseling for it ;-)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:05 | 6656225 Isotope
Isotope's picture

I thought that you had just composed a nice bit of satire until I got down to the link and realized that it was actual quotations. Fragile snowflakes indeed.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:43 | 6656316 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Very fragile...and they seem to think they're "special" for some reason.

I'll tell ya, I just got back from Belize (our 30th) and they are some of the kindest, most helpful, independent, unassuming, honest, unpretentious, industrious, enterprising people (as individuals of any age) I have ever met. 

A real eye opener as opposed to the shit hole (mentally) this country has become.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:43 | 6656740 koncaswatch
koncaswatch's picture

+1 For the most part spot on. You aptly describe the personal character that attracted me here a long time ago. However, corrupted thinking ("bad mind") is everywhere. Like almost anywhere, TPTB sell .gov dependancy. What you would call the FSA is here also. Politics always takes the "you neeed us... we'll save you" shortcut. PM just called election.... lots of interesting politics for the next 24 days.

BTW Come on back; glad to have you visit.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:14 | 6656813 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Loved it and we will be back, we made some great friends there.

Yeah, I saw all the new "jobs being created" and it doesn't matter which party is in control of the purse strings UDP or PUP, we both know (as does everyone we met) those jobs go away after the election.

Cynical and crass manipulation is all it is, maybe when we come back...well, ya never know ;-)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:20 | 6656825 logicalman
logicalman's picture

You must be moving in a very different environmnet than I do.

Maybe it's just sample bias, but most of my kids' friends seem to have a decent handle on shit.

My two grew up with no TV corrupting their minds, though - they tend to spend time with like minded folk.

 

 

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:41 | 6656878 nmewn
nmewn's picture

No, I think our enviro's are about the same but there is clearly an escalation of pampered idiots seeking degrees & "state" licensing, which is fine & good of course.

As long as you don't mind a young neurotic advocating for you before the bar (or being the judge) or engineering a building or a bridge or coming at you with a scalpel as you sleep on a gurney ;-)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:56 | 6656918 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

but are you really sleeping?  at this point haven't we all been anesthetized?

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:06 | 6656942 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Some of us have a higher tolerance for...hmmm...medications ;-)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:51 | 6656767 NoPension
NoPension's picture

....boys that acted like girls, got beat up. Fat kids were tormented, unmercifully. Slow, dimwits, got slammed with a dodge ball. And only kids on the WINNING fucking team got a trophy. The rest were losers.
There were short buses for the stupid.
And we damn sure did not contaminate or waste the time of classrooms of smart kids, by sticking retards in the room. Yes, Fucking tards. Your waterbrain is special alright. So now, while the smart kids are bored into quiting, the tards have two teachers each. At $50,000+ a year.

And sometimes, we grabbed the girls titties, and didn't go to jail, and be labeled a sex offender. By the way, what qualifies for sex offender nowadays, seeing how every freak and funky thing is normal?
Tempered in shit. Life's challanges were not so bad. A mouse? I almost don't belive that. But then again, when I see these fairy faggots mainstream, almost anything goes, I suppose.

Reap what you sow. Rant off.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:08 | 6656948 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

why the comma between "jail" and "sex offender"? 

was there any doubt?

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 01:01 | 6657309 BarkingCat
BarkingCat's picture

And what happens when your military is constituted of these people??

or your police force???

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:27 | 6655695 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

what I'm talkin' about...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rq6lESrqeNI

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:28 | 6656691 Big_Hitman
Big_Hitman's picture

I'm making over $7k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. This is what I do... www.wallstreet34.com

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 11:51 | 6655274 Cojones
Cojones's picture

That's a great idea, too bad he isn't funny.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:32 | 6655379 giggler321
giggler321's picture

funny - if you add a little black mustache he kind of looks like some German dude

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:11 | 6656956 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

it's a try.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:03 | 6655594 daveO
daveO's picture

He finished on leftist notes, of course. Don't all comedians these days? Environment, affordable housing & homophobia, things banksters and and their leftist puppets love. Also, leftists love, I mean LOVE, to use the F-word. More like a disguised political ad, like SNL.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:31 | 6655712 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

I wish I fucking knew you.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:17 | 6656966 jeff montanye
Mon, 10/12/2015 - 04:21 | 6657497 WOAR
WOAR's picture

Actually, he defended Matt Damon's comments. Matt was talking about sexuality in Hollywood. That doesn't mean that he's a "homophobe."

So, actually, that's generally a right wing position these days - giving people the right to state an unpopular opinion.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:36 | 6655732 Fukushima Fricassee
Fukushima Fricassee's picture

The only thing that was not funny was he did not out Obama for sucking mens cocks and taking it in the ass.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:06 | 6656607 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Reggie pulled that from the script before they went on the air.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 11:52 | 6655275 T-888
T-888's picture

Network 2?

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:00 | 6655294 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Lies have become policy. Truth has become entertainment. Fucking pathetic........

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:27 | 6655507 CloseToTheEdge
CloseToTheEdge's picture

 

 

“Cram them full of non-combustible data, chock them so dam’d full of ‘facts’ they feel stuffed, but absolutely ‘brilliant’ with information. Then they’ll feel they’re thinking, they’ll get a sense of motion without moving. And they’ll be happy, because facts of that sort don’t change. Don’t give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy.”
Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“Th’ newspaper does ivrything f’r us. It runs th’ polis foorce an’ th’ banks, commands th’ milishy, controls th’ ligislachure, baptizes th’ young, marries th’ foolish, comforts th’ afflicted, afflicts th’ comfortable, buries th’ dead an’ roasts thim aftherward.”
Finley Peter Dunne

“Humans have an extraordinary ability to forget. Or perversely an inability to remember. Humans will ‘move on’ from a significant tragedy in 2 weeks, a failure of politics in one. Moreover and miserably, a failure in sport will last indefinitely.”
Aherne

“The next question is how? How does news find us?
What you need is a certain critical literacy about the fact that you are almost always subject to an algorithm. The most powerful thing in your world now is an algorithm about which you know nothing about.”
McBride

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:04 | 6655307 JerrySpringer B...
JerrySpringer B All Over This Shiznit's picture

oh man...my kinda guy...he needs his own tv show like mine...this video needs to be circulated 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:23 | 6655496 Fractal Parasite
Fractal Parasite's picture

Jonathan Pie’s channel :

https://www.youtube.com/user/tomwalker78/

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:05 | 6655309 Fireman
Fireman's picture

More fop git Davy Camerooon (best of british pig fuckers) updates.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k1-M0tqd40

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:12 | 6655326 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

comedy central did it first, but pretty good

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:15 | 6655470 nevertheless
nevertheless's picture

In your dreams, that is just well placed propaganda, hidden behind droll political correctness: "White men bad, women, minorities good, Israel can be bad, but not nearly as bad as the real evil Iran, Russia bad, open borders mass immigration GREAT"...BLABLABLA, Comedy Central is owned by VIACOM, and you think THEY do the real news, please, wake up!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:05 | 6656090 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

Paranoia at its finest.

The widely held assumption that the major media outlets uniformly tilt to the left does not match reality. If anything, the Western media often appear to tilt to the right, especially with regards to how they report on corporate and financial sector crimes, and their ongoing discrimination of minority women in favor of "white" and "Europeanized" beauty ideals, which often bear more than a passing resemblance to the ones also advocated by right-wing extremist ideology.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:58 | 6656361 viahj
viahj's picture

the not so widely known truth is the the major media outlets spew propaganda in order to get the pleebs arguing about left vs. right rather than a discussion of the cracks in the foundation of our civilization and who has taken control of the reigns of political and economic power.  the truth is heresy.

meanwhile US TV is spewing a lot of military recruitment ads.  Uncle Sam must think that he needs more meat for the grinder in the near future.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 19:55 | 6656575 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

 the not so widely known truth is the the major media outlets spew propaganda in order to get the pleebs arguing about left vs. right rather than a discussion of the cracks in the foundation of our civilization

....as does the commenter to which you are responding.  Their divide, confuse and conquer virus takes many forms and must occur in a multitude of media now

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 05:50 | 6657548 August
August's picture

"Honor Bound to Defend Freedom"  (sign at entrance to Guantanamo detention facility)

The MIC:  love 'em or hate 'em, you've got to admit they have one hell of a sense of humor.   Arbeit Macht Frei, too, I hear.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:38 | 6656725 Stares straight...
Stares straight ahead's picture

Are you nuckin' futs?
(No, I'm serious)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:15 | 6655335 Mark of Zerro
Mark of Zerro's picture

.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:18 | 6655346 Jorgen
Jorgen's picture

If one day ZHTV (0HTV) comes into being, I imagine its reporting would look like this. 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:01 | 6655590 Jeffersonian Liberal
Jeffersonian Liberal's picture

That would be a shame.

What drew me to ZH as a lurker several years ago and kept me coming here on a daily basis was the truly independent thought of many of its posters.

This last year, though, ZH has split down the middle like just about every other forum out there with some libs on one side, a bullwark of libertarians, and then some conesrvatives on the other. No problem there.

But what is disheartening how so much of these threads has been taken over by the same group-think that is so nauseating on most of the other forums.

One side of any situation is always bad, never good, and fully plan all their evil.

The other side is always good, never does anything wrong except when provoked by the other side and just wants to live in perfect peace and harmony.

Pretty sad.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:56 | 6655930 Ballin D
Ballin D's picture

You might know this already but thats a theta at the top of the page, not a zero.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:39 | 6655361 MEAN BUSINESS
MEAN BUSINESS's picture

Also: Rap News with Robert Foster - The Juice Media

esp #5 & #6  General "Backster" and Terrance Moonseed, TOOFF!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:29 | 6655369 stocker84
stocker84's picture

Yawn...fake... wishful thinking

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 12:58 | 6655434 RabbitOne
RabbitOne's picture

FIrst time I have enjoyed the "fuck'in" news in years

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:10 | 6655457 Grumbleduke
Grumbleduke's picture

i call them repeaters...

they know nothing!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBUqrHTjwh8

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:59 | 6655940 Crush the cube
Crush the cube's picture

Repeaters, damn right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxlLO2zMYKQ

It's embarrasing, the captivated drone press.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:12 | 6655464 just the tip
just the tip's picture

what nic does he use at ZH?

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:21 | 6655487 homiegot
homiegot's picture

Alex Jones impersonator.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 16:01 | 6655944 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

 Yes, this idiot forget his bullhorn. 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:25 | 6655504 Monetas
Monetas's picture

Hitler look alike .... with the eye bags of an 80 year old .... being a socialist is stressful and un-natural .... live and breathe free as a life affirming Capitalist .... like me !

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:09 | 6655613 Elliott Eldrich
Elliott Eldrich's picture

"live and breathe free as a life affirming Capitalist .... like me !"

Says the guy who has an avatar depicting a slave owner committing an act of sodomy upon a catemite. I doubt Bierce could have composed something more poetically ironic.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:37 | 6655853 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

In that case Anthony Burgess' "Earthly Powers" has to be a contender too.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:10 | 6656118 Mayer Amschel R...
Mayer Amschel Rothschild's picture

The "catcher" appears to have breasts. Looks more like a classical era hooker w client.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:32 | 6655525 Ajax_USB_Port_R...
Ajax_USB_Port_Repair_Service_'s picture

I wonder what kind of severance package his station provides.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:49 | 6655563 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

And what is it that you do not understand about the last sentence in the article?

 

You know? The one that stated, "Note: Jonathan Pie is a satirist "?

 

The video was a SPOOF.

 

Writing of "severance packages" is a little MOOT.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:58 | 6655583 KingFiat
KingFiat's picture

Today only satirists are allowed to tell the truth on TV.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:37 | 6655532 knuppel
knuppel's picture

very bad and unbelievable acting, plug for the UK commies.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:42 | 6655545 CHoward
CHoward's picture

I could handle 'news' like that - way better than the shitfluff we're being spoon fed now!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:51 | 6655571 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Do you still watch TeeVee?

 

OMG.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:42 | 6655547 chunga
chunga's picture

Host: "On the lighter side of things, it seems that the crew responsible for the demolition of the Old Bailey wanted to give the old girl a grand, albeit improvised sendoff. Although the demolition had been planned for some time, the music and the fireworks were, according to the crew chief definitely not on the schedule."

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 13:52 | 6655574 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

V is for Vendetta.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:20 | 6655664 Dr_Snooz
Dr_Snooz's picture

Classic!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:33 | 6655697 Rusty Shorts
Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:49 | 6655755 dot_bust
dot_bust's picture

What the real news would have sounded like on November 22, 1963:

"Shots rang out from several parts of Dealey Plaza as President Kennedy's limo traveled slowly through the Dallas, Texas, park, which was packed with local residents who had learned about the motorcade route in newspapers.

Multiple witnesses reported hearing a gunshot ring out from the grassy knoll area near the front of the limo as the President was struck in the head by a bullet. That shot was fatal, ripping off part of his head and slamming him against the back seat.

Afterwards, dozens of onlookers ran up the knoll toward the area where the fatal shot had been fired.

At the time the assassination occurred, President Kennedy's security was unusually lax. There were no Secret Service agents perched in the normal position on the back platform of the President's limo.

Instead, several of them were standing on the running board of the follow-up car. They also failed to react when the shots were fired. Instead, they held their positions until after the fatal head shot.

Agent William Greer, the driver of the President's limo, also failed to adhere to the normal security protocols. For instance, when shots rang out in Dealey Plaza, he slowed the limo down to almost a complete stop and only hit the gas pedal after the President had been fatally wounded."

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:48 | 6655759 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

I wouldn't worry about Deek Jackson. He carries his weight in fkn news. I did enjoy the other comedian on Emily Surname piece. 

CLIMATEGATE & TIGERS PENIS - YouTube -2009. 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 14:54 | 6655777 homiegot
homiegot's picture

infowars.com

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 15:30 | 6655858 jcdenton
jcdenton's picture

He forgot one thing in his diatribe. To feature John McCain ..

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2015/10/11/where-will-the-stinger-missiles-...

(I comment further in the internal discussion as bolo451)

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:07 | 6656111 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

I love it when they go off the reservation!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 17:12 | 6656124 22winmag
22winmag's picture

The South was right!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:22 | 6656256 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Hitler was right and completely misunderstood. We now see the evil he was facing.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:16 | 6656642 falconflight
falconflight's picture

The sickness of epic dimensions rises again.  No wonder I don't feel so bad that the Red Army sent millions of POW's to their graves and raped a million or two in Germany.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:31 | 6656700 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

May it happen to you and yours you sick fuck.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:36 | 6656716 falconflight
falconflight's picture

And your mother would claim you and your screed?

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:43 | 6656738 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Go back to your talmud and fantasize killing millions of people for your sick inbred delusions. Sick fuck.

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 01:44 | 6657359 Archive_file
Archive_file's picture

Da' fuck??!!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:04 | 6656223 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Here some real news, the bad, then the good.  God is good and you are not.  God does not and cannot lie and all of you do.  God is just in His judgment and that is a problem for all of you.  You have no fear of God; yet He created the universe with just a few words and His judgment is righteous and you will be judged according to His standard, which is MORAL perfection.

 

The good news; God in His love, that which you are not capable of comprehending, GAVE us His Son who is Jesus to pay the penalty of the sinners who acknowledge their failure and humble themselves with a heart of repentance and ask for forgiveness for the heinous rebellion you have shown toward Him.  Remember, He is the Creator, He sets the rules and you have violated them and because He is just; he cannot overlook your rebellion can he?  No, but Jesus paid the price and took on the penalty of sin so you do not have to; it is a FREE GIFT.  Ask, Seek and Knock until you know you are forgiven.

 

For all of you who say that the God of Scripture is invented, then explain what life is and where it comes from.  Explain why man, whom God made in His image, is so far different than all the other creatures.  Explain how one person, the Lord could possibly fulfill prophecies beyond a normal humans control and yet no other man could.  The chances of just 7 being true is zero; how about hundreds?  Many life transformed 180 degrees; that doesn't happen naturally.

 

What is the Law of Cause and Effect?  What attributes of the first cause must be true in order for it to be a Law?  These attributes are the attributes of Jesus.    How many have read and studied the Scriptures; let that person be the first to debunk it?  There is no such thing as an atheist according to Scripture; anyone who claims to be one is just a plain fool.  If there is no God, then where does morality come from?  You cannot have it apart from a Creator; that fact most of you cannot comprehend nor see why it must be true; even with multiple PHD's in philosophy, religion, Physics et al as it is written.  Many "atheists" have spent their entire lives trying to debunk that they say doesn't exist; that is the definition of insanity.  Richard Dawkins come to mind and look how he is suffering; that will pale compared to the suffering he will have in the near future.  Even Dawkins could still be healed; through simple repentance and trust in JESUS.

 

Read John 3:16-19 again and again till you get it.  If you do not get it, then read Romans 1:18-32 and you will see the progression of how we, as a society, nation and world have gotten past the point of no return.  The wrath of Jesus is revealed from heaven against ALL unrighteousness.  Raise your hand if you profess to be righteous.  I see none except the fool in the back.  Most of you will die in your sin and no amount of torture you can experience in this life can be compared to being separated from the love, mercy and grace you now enjoy; yet can't recognize.  Remove those three things and you are , in essence, separated from God and that my friends is HELL.  Why will you die in your sin?  Why will you die when forgiveness is available?  Why will you die.  If no one lied, stole, cheated, committed adultery, or murdered, then what would this world look like?  The law was given s a guide, if it were obeyed, then we would have peace...Christ id known as "The Prince of Peace", but men love darkness because their deeds/nature is evil and that continually.

 

Why will you choose to die in your sin when the thing you claim you desire, peace, is freely given?  People are indeed dumb aren't they.  A free gift of a true utopia of everything we claim we had; yet deny we even are created beings much less recognize we have a Creator...why will you die in your rebellion. Why? Why? Why?

 

The name JESUS invokes emotions that no other name does; most hate and and a few love it; why?  You can say God or Christ, but say Jesus and motions are invoked and mostly hatred even though most will recognize him as a real person because it is undeniable in both religious and secular writing; yet that one name invokes either anger or love; why?  For most who read this it is hatred; yet if asked you would at least acknowledge he was a good man..even though he leaves no room for that.  He is a liar and lunatic or He is whom He claimed to be GOD. 

 

It is no coincidence that as the US has attacked all that God has ordained for our good, that it corresponds DIRECTLY to our moral failure and thus our failure as a people and a nation.  Direct correlation and no one can deny this honesty.  Repent as a nation and we would be healed.

 

Why will you allow your children to die in their sin; are you teaching them fixed moral principals to guide their lives or man's relative morality. Do you love your children?  If you say yes and do not teach them God's ways and live them out in oyur own lives; then you are a liar and you have disdain for yourself and your children.  Why will you die in your sin? WHy? Why? Why?  I'm speaking to YOU!!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:49 | 6656337 Runs-With_Toast
Runs-With_Toast's picture

Fuk off fundamentalist, with emphasiss on mental

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:35 | 6656713 falconflight
falconflight's picture

Pretty bias imho, to label the poster (Christian) w/ a Jihadist's nomenclature.  

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:57 | 6656920 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

"Toast" is what he is and will be since he pays attention to the substance instead of focusing on the shadows.  What we see happening is the shadow; a reflection of reality and apart from a reconciled relationship with Jesus THE Christ to whom ALL will give an account of their lives; he to will die in his sin and the reality will hit him like a cement truck running over a chipmunk.  I desire that no one end up where these psychopaths will be and that all come to repentance and be saved from the penalty of their rebellion against our Creator who is Holy (independent of His creation), Just (cannot overlook sin) and good (we are not).  Why die in your sin when the gift of eternal life apart from sin is available?  Makes no sense.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:35 | 6656714 squid
squid's picture

WTF?

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:42 | 6656880 durablefaith
durablefaith's picture

Welcome to fight club. On the same team. A bit of advice, at least comment on a way that relates to the article. Building bridges, changing minds, declaring truth...all good stuff. But aside from the trolls, zh'rs are truthers, intellectually honest types that despise trolls (including religious ones) and threadjackers.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:51 | 6656903 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Thanks - been here long enough to know that; sometimes you have the need to let it all out.  Those that give the thumbs down are the very ones who will spending eternity with the very ones they hate with a passion.  Very sad given the free gift.

 

Many ZH believe they look at the "facts" in detail and for many that is true, but they pay attention to the shadows rather than the reality which is the substance of things unseen.  They might refer to it as "evil", but never the antitheseis of evil, which is the goodness of their Creator.

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 01:40 | 6657353 Archive_file
Archive_file's picture

Oh great, another Jesus freak...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:22 | 6656253 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture
Christie: 'Put Me In The Ring Against Vladimir Putin'

ROFLMAO. Fat zio-pig pedophile against a black belt ninja. ROFLMAO

http://crooksandliars.com/cltv/2015/10/christie-put-me-ring-against-vlad...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 18:54 | 6656357 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

Wolfgang Halbig is very close to blowing the lid off the Sandy Hook hoax. He's actually being physically threatened these days.

The gun grab is based on everyone buying into the Sandy Hook story and all the staged shootings that followed.

 

Don't ever hear that shit on the news

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 19:12 | 6656423 smithmorra
smithmorra's picture

The cocksucking asslicking shitheaded motherfuckers are raping the country while the wankers jerking off to the motherfucking lesbian and butt fucking assholes ruin the rest; as a result older people are basically ruined by the goddam motherfucking assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 19:13 | 6656434 robnume
robnume's picture

Priceless, absolutely priceless. Saw this on youtube yesterday and almost pissed my pants laughing. MOAR!!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 19:46 | 6656541 restelle
restelle's picture

Moar phony actors on news, etc.  Yawn...

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:16 | 6656644 Ruth
Ruth's picture

ZH did it first!

 

we.shall.never.forget.

http://www.zerohedge.com/article/learning-love-carrot-and-stick-personal...

 

 

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:19 | 6656650 falconflight
falconflight's picture

Wow

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 23:48 | 6657177 fencejumper
fencejumper's picture

Interesting. One notices that almost none of the commenters from 2009 are still doing so...a couple of notable exceptions, of course.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 20:28 | 6656690 Dragon HAwk
Dragon HAwk's picture

I always have trouble with the British Accent, but that's just me...

  but what i did get seemed a real mild version of what i would call ( Real News )

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:45 | 6656883 fencejumper
fencejumper's picture

Great! Thanks, ZH!

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 21:45 | 6656884 The Old Man
The Old Man's picture

People are starting to get pissed off. Really? Finally. The real news. Not some talking head spewing skittles and unicorns. Welcome to heaven. Hope there's more to come.

Unless of course we are watching reality tv!

The Old Man

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 22:00 | 6656930 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

That is to bring heaven down, but your point is made.

Sun, 10/11/2015 - 23:37 | 6657168 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

Homeowner fights back against FED banker trying to rob him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sE9yaTfNnc

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 00:34 | 6657261 onmail1
onmail1's picture

The world has turned upside down

Western media is all doctored propaganda

And Julien Assnage is a glaring example

WEST MUST BE DESTROYED

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 00:47 | 6657287 falconflight
falconflight's picture

And lead to the sweet warmth of neoSoviet sunshine or Allah's justice?

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 00:54 | 6657300 ShortTheUS
ShortTheUS's picture

A proof that Pie is in fact rational.

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 05:13 | 6657524 EddieLomax
EddieLomax's picture

If he wanted to report the "real news" then he could start by not parroting the usual rubbish politicians put out, like talking about "affordable homes", cut the crap, these are not affordable homes, they're the next generation of slums that no one really wants to live in, but they just have no choice.

Put out the news like that and people might start to think.

Mon, 10/12/2015 - 05:20 | 6657527 Shadow1275
Shadow1275's picture

But seriously Johnny, tell us how you really feel.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!