This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Capitalism Explained In 2015: "You Have Two Cows..."
Submitted by Simon Black via SovereignMan.com,
When I was a kid, I used to proudly wear around a T-shirt explaining different economic systems using ‘two cows’ as a metaphor.
It started off like this:
Socialism: You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor.
Then
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you some milk.
And
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
I started thinking about this last week when I was in Caracas, because it turns out that Venezuela is a real life example of the two cows metaphor.
It started back in 2001 when the then-President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, introduced a law that called for the redistribution of land.
According to their ‘Bolivarian socialism’ pipedream, it was immoral for any single person or company to own too much land. So the government started confiscating people’s private property.
And any property owner who resisted was imprisoned. It makes for the perfect entry on that T-shirt I used to wear:
Venezuela: You have two cows. The government steals your land and imprisons you.
Needless to say, the law had an enormous impact on the Venezuelan cattle industry.
Cattle obviously require a lot of land; and running a profitable cattle operation often means having thousands of acres or more.
So when the government started seizing people’s lands, beef production in Venezuela collapsed. Duh.
They went from being entirely self-sufficient in terms of beef production in 1998, to, within a few years, becoming the second largest beef importer in the world.
Unbelievable.
Of course, now they have an even bigger problem.
Venezuela’s currency is in freefall, and foreign reserves are dwindling.
So not only has beef production collapsed, but now the country can no longer afford to import beef either.
Beef imports to Venezuela are down over 80% this year compared with 2014.
And what little beef does enter the country is subject to the government’s severe price controls.
This has caused massive shortages and empty grocery store shelves– textbook consequences that any high school economics student could predict.
Prosperity isn’t achieved by government price controls, redistribution policies, and bureaucratic regulations.
It’s achieved through freedom. By giving people the opportunity to work hard and take risks. And letting the market determine prices and the allocation of resources.
That’s supposed to be what capitalism is. In fact, that was the last entry on the T-shirt:
Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one and buy a bull.
Sadly this is no longer the case.
Certainly the West is in much better shape than Venezuela. But the vast regulatory apparatus being built in the so-called ‘free world’ is simply appalling.
Here in the Land of the Free, the federal government alone issues or proposes over 80,000 pages per year of new laws, rules, and regulations.
This means that, right now as you read these words, you are likely in violation of a dozen different regulations that you’ve never heard of, each of which can carry severe criminal, civil, financial, and administrative penalties.
Children get chased away from running lemonade stands. Teenagers get turned in to Homeland Security for going door-to-door offering to shovel their neighbors’ snow.
Businesses must suffer a constant onslaught of new regulations, licenses, permits, and taxes.
Meanwhile the government continues to expand its debts at an astonishing rate, saddling future generations with the obligation to pay a bill they never signed up for.
And the entire financial system is manipulated by an unelected committee of central bankers who fix the price of money (i.e. interest rates) as foolishly as the Venezuelan government fixes beef prices.
This is not the path to prosperity either. In fact, if I were to update the T-shirt for today, I would include these entries:
US government: You have 330 million cows. You milk them down to the last drop, tell them that they’re the freest cows in the world, then train them to be afraid of men in caves.
Federal Reserve: You have two cows. You give them to the banks for free. The banks slaughter them and eat all the meat. You conjure money out of thin air and buy them two more cows.
Wall Street: You don’t actually have any cows. But you rake in billions from selling out your own customers and illegally manipulating the price of milk. The government gives you a slap on the wrist.
Silicon Valley: You have two cows. They don’t produce any milk, and your operation loses $500 million per year. Top VC firms invest in your cows, valuing your company at $25 billion.
US small business: You have two cows. You cannot sell the milk without a permit. You cannot drink the raw milk that comes from your own cows. The government fines you $10,000 for failing to file form BS-01519.
US big business: You have two cows. You hire the former head of the FDA to be your corporate ‘advisor’. You get a huge government contract. Now you have two million cows.
How about you– any ideas?
»
- 105419 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
That code exists. It's called Natural Law. The governing body also exists. It is composed of the vast majority of people who are not criminals.
There is no natural law.
...........buying favor by those that run the game...........
there are laws against that type of thing. it is called corruption and is illegal
that is the point where capitalism turns into .........something not capitalism
Most of these rules that are set up to benefit one over another do not involve breaking laws.
Maybe a large company wants a tax break and that large company is very important to the aggregate tax receipts of a small locale. There are negotiations over reducing the marginal tax rate but that is still a benefit for the locale as the company does not leave, crushing the tax base. Nothing illegal there? Both parties working in their own self interest. We know government works for itself. (or even the locals if you are romantic)
pods
You can't ensure profits indefinitely this way. The game and those who game the game (buy favors) will eventually go bankrupt.
Capitalism will live and expand long after all governments and other similar games (central banks, organized churches, etc.) die. Capitalism allows errors to live for a while and run their course, but there is nothing special about those games that can protect them from the inevitable.
A crony capitalist who buys a favor from a bureaucrat in the form of, say, a tax-the-competitors law will make profits out of the pockets of game-playing (taxpaying) competitors but will get precisely nothing out of those competitors that don't play the game (those on the black market, etc. - those are the most competitive capitalists). In fact, the game's overall power and viability is reduced with each favor given, while the competitive capitalists gain (market share, etc.) on everyone playing the game.
So the outcome is that all the things that were previously done by those running the game later get done by no one or everyone. And indeed, all those functions which are good can be done by anyone under capitalism. But there is no longer someone in particular who you can buy unfair favors from.
Why do they think they live in a Democracy? People in the US are poorly educated but taught to think they are fucking brilliant. Thats the first problem. Being as such, this makes many people very wrong-headed about their world/economic understanding.
I grasp it.
Now what do I do?
Use the opportunity provided to you by the lunkheads here in the comments section to refine your arguments in favor of individual freedom and against control by the elite class.
Someday you'll find yourself in a position to organize people around you who will desperately need intelligent and morally strong leadership and you'll want to be able to do that convincingly and efficiently. There will be whole new worlds of freedom to win but you'll want to be in shape.
Learn to talk slick and make people believe you.
Become a politician.
(hyuk hyuk)
Rational discourse can hardily be described as "talking slick."
You cant lead people with rational discourse but with charisma.
jeff dentin has two cows-they are both his daugheters.............BURN
You have two cows ...
Now thats a bit of stretch , how about
"0.01% own all the cows, you own the cow piss" //pun on trickle down
If Obama had a cow, it would look like one of your two cows.
You didn't milk that.
Obama owns a cow named Michele.
Moooochelle.
I think the cow is a wookie, and she owns his ass.
he owns his ass
We had to milk a few folks....
"If you like your cows you can keep ..."
nevermind, fuck it
Capitalism. There are two cows. They are owned by the 0.1% and they pay you a below subsistence wage for milking them.
Crony capitalism. the 0.0000001% and government have both cows and the milk , and every idiots in the world blame capitalism.
Capitalism. There are two cows. They are owned by the 0.1% and they pay you a below subsistence wage for milking them AND YOU MUST GET INTO DEBT TO BUY MILK.....there fixed it for you.
Communism.
You kill the 0.1%, the Party eats all the cows, and then everyone starves.
The Samson option. The elites ought to see it as deterrence.
You had two cows...
We Bundied some folks.
Crony Capitalism: you buy a futures contract on cattle, the price falls below your margin limit, the broker ignores the call, and when the price goes back up you sell for a nice profit
Damn that's be great , my broker was never cool about it
trading for the 99% i guess :)
you need Hillarys broker
You don't own two cows. You rent two cows. You pay to register and inspect your rented cows every year. You are taxed on your rented cows by 7 tax authorities. You are required by law to insure your rented cows. You still have to pay for the milk. You cannot afford to eat beef because you would go to prison for owning the gun you would need to shoot a cow. You are told you are freer than you have ever been by people who have no idea what a cow looks like.
OK, but how many types of ice cream are at the store, hmm? And how many types of beer (all owned by the same brewery) can you choose from?
And shoes, "Like, oh my God!"
All your neighbors watch Dancing with the Farce and think you are crazy when you start talking about cows.
US government: You have 330 million cows. You milk them down to the last drop, tell them that they’re the freest cows in the world, train them to be afraid of men in caves, convince them that grain and water stores are rebounding, punish the white cows for appearing privileged near the black cows, and finally you put a sign above the slaughterhouse that reads, "Higher Education."
Crony Capitalism
You have two cows. After making a few key political contributions, the biggest ranch owner in the state convinces the governor to pass regulations requiring that you have expensive licenses and permits for owning cows. The licence costs the same if you own 2 cows or 2000 cows. The license costs more than you can make from your two cows, so you are forced to sell your cows to the mega-ranch. You go broke and hear on ZH how the problem is socialism.
Actually you are describing fascism. That's what it's called when the government allows corporations special privileges within the market. Why do you pretend that fascism is capitalism?
You go broke and hear on ZH how the problem is socialism.
Socialism and fascism are closely related in that they both put the concerns of an elite class over those of individuals. That is the system which you have repeatly advocated when you insist that individuals must not be allowed to interact freely with each other but must comply with the demands of the elite.
He said crony capitalism , and his description of it...
is damn close from subatomic precision.
Crony means the rules are gone , it means there is no justice , no morality , no responsability , no nothing.
So if you wipe something out entirely that thing is now a crony version oif itself? That makes no sense. If someone cuts down all the trees in a forest is it now a crony forest? If someone drains a lake is it now filled with crony water? Your explanation of LTER's purposeful misdirection makes no sense.
A political and economic system with any constraints put upon it other than the desires of the participants themselves is not capitalism plain and simple.
Now I'm off to dinner.
I don't disagree with anything you said , on the contrary . However allow me show what is , in my opinion , a fair definition of crony capitalism.
[…] an economy in which success in business depends on close relationships between business people and government officials. It may be exhibited by favoritism in the distribution of legal permits, government grants, special tax breaks, or other forms of state interventionism […]
Again , a fair definition , imo.
Have a nice evening.
But that's the definition of fascism. Why not just go with that rather than something which is at best confusing and at worst woefully incorrect?
Even in a pure free market system, there must be rules. For example, party A can't simply kill party B and take his stuff. To have rules, there must be enforcers of those rules. It is really pretty simple. Whether the enforcers of the rules are private or elected, they will be corrupted. Thus, crony capitalism and fascism are the same thing. What's more, capitalism always leads to crony capitalism, and thus fascism. That is not to say that communism is a better answer. I'd much rather have a system based on capitalism with checks and balances enforced by elected representatives who have some accountability to the population as a whole. It's a muddle through, where people can use their sheer numbers to try to keep the oligarchs in check. Sometimes it works better than others. Stop being so black and white (naive) in your thinking.
Even in a pure free market system, there must be rules.
Natural law demands that each individual has the sovereign right to not be injured in person or property and each individual has the right to defend himself in proportion to any threat made against him. That's the rule.
For example, party A can't simply kill party B and take his stuff.
Of course not. Only government is legally allowed to do that.
To have rules, there must be enforcers of those rules.
Yes. And in order to enforce the rule that no one may hurt you or take your property one can not reasonably install as the enforcers an elite class with the legal right to hurt you and take your property. It's simply illogical to claim that one must allow someone to hit them over the head in order to not be hit over the head.
Whether the enforcers of the rules are private or elected, they will be corrupted.
Each and every individual is an enforcer of the rule of the right to self determination. The vast majority of people do not display a desire to inflict violence on their neighbors. Perhaps 5% of the population engages in violent behavior. These individuals are known as criminals and politicians.
Thus, crony capitalism and fascism are the same thing.
Is that why the world's most infamous fascist led the National Socialist Party?
What's more, capitalism always leads to crony capitalism, and thus fascism.
You claim to own and operate a business. At what did you turn into Hitler?
I'd much rather have a system based on capitalism with checks and balances enforced by elected representatives who have some accountability to the population as a whole.
Subjecting oneself to an elite class which exerts its power through the taking of property and the initiation of violence always leads to one being subjected to property loss and the threat of injury or death.
It's a muddle through, where people can use their sheer numbers to try to keep the oligarchs in check.
They can only do that by organizing voluntarily. You insist that individuals must organize by submitting themselves to the power of the oligarchs who will control them through theft and violence.
Stop being so black and white (naive) in your thinking.
It is not naive to understand that when one asks to be controlled through theft and violence that one will be controlled through theft and violence. It is naive (or more likely dishonest) for you to claim otherwise.
Your post of full of slippery slopes, strawmans and assorted logical fallacies. Like everywhere.
You guys can argue definitions till the cows come home but it won't make a bit of difference because you've missed the underlying mechanism that drives all political systems, i.e. the search for homeostasis.
People don't like change. Doesn't matter if they're at the bottom or the top of whatever political system, if it works in the present, and they're reasonably comfortable, they want it to stay that way. Now try telling them that they can't have that - that like it or not, they're going to have to adapt to a new, possibly harsher reality. How many votes will that get you? Or maybe you don't need their votes and you try to impose it because you think you can. Yeah well, watch the reaction to that. If they don't get you, someone on your team who's willing to tell them what they want to hear will.
The illusion that one can obtain a stable state of existence is what drives all political systems. Little attention is paid to the dynamic nature of reality, and when it is, it's usually in the form of trying to control it rather than allowing it to take its course and adapt to the changing environment.
One more point. The more you resist change, the harder it is to deal with when it finally arrives, and sooner or later it will arrive. Change is the only constant in this world. Embrace it, or face the consequences.
Excellent point and one which I've planned to use to my advantage.
I can't start a revolution but if the boot ever comes off my neck it will never go back on again.
If and when the system breaks I will work with others in the community to voluntarily organize security measures, adjudication, economic opportunities, etc.
If and when the elites return and insist on reclaiming power my community will be in a position to refuse to comply and the very bias of which you speak will reinforce the position.
In the following years the young will be taught the benefits of freedom and it will become an ingrained habit for them to respect the rights of others and to have their rights respected in return.
THis a little late to the discussion but, to be honest in the real world the difference between Fascism, Communism, and Crony Capitalism is really just a matter of semantics. THey truely are the same beast just wearing different cloaks.
crapitalism = two cows (and a wookie) own you
progressive: you have two cows - you must be a racist homophobe in the pay of Koch bros. you are ostracized and your cows are confiscated by the local police for their bbq.
Capitalism 2020: I have two cows, I keep them hid in the woods and milk them at night. I trade milk to trusted neighbors for eggs from their two chickens. When someone snoops around asking about my cows or my neighbors chickens I shoot him and feed him to my other neighbors hogs
You have two sick cows. A black one and a white one, just watching the train passes by.
https://blog.harborx.com/capitalism-with-two-cows/
All the land in the US was taken from its indigenous population.
Do you want to give it back?
All the land in the UK was taken by William the Conqueror.
Should we give it back?
All land has been stolen at one time or another.
Hong Kong Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.
The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company.
The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.
Bureaucracy, American-Style: You have two cows but you have to kill one of them because the government will only give you a license for one of them. The license requires you to sell all your milk to the government, which uses it to make cheese. The government pays lots of money to store the cheese in refrigerated warehouses. When the cheese spoils, the government distributes it to the poor. The poor get sick from the cheese, go to the emergency room, and are turned away because they have no health insurance. The President declares the program a success and reminds us that we have the finest health care system in the world.
Foreign Policy, American-Style: You have two cows. The government taxes them and uses the money to buy a cow for a poor farmer in a country ruled by a dictator. The farmer has no hay to feed the cow and his religion forbids him from eating it. The cow dies. The man dies. The dictator confiscates the dead man's farm and sells it, using the money to purchase U.S. military equipment. The President declares the program a success and announces closer ties with our new ally.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
I like surrealism....where can i go to live like that?
US Gov- Obama and Reggie have 2 heifers. Both men end up with syphillus
US- you have two cows. Gov mandates you paint both black for the children
"Meanwhile the government continues to expand its debts at an astonishing rate, saddling future generations with the obligation to pay a bill they never signed up for."
Let's be honest here . . . NO politician or government executive or central banker EVER expects anyone to pay up on Federal government debt. At the point when politicians finally understood that they could borrow and spend and there were no adverse consequences, and NO ONE would try to pay it all back, they put the pedal to the metal and have been going strong ever since. This started during a Republican administration and has continued during a Democratic administration, and nothing will stop it.
Who needs taxes when you have a printer?
Tyrants. It isn't about revenue, it's about control, as is the case with protective tariffs. They could have dumped it along time ago. It is a form of terrorism practiced by government on the citizenry. We need to dump the taxman, the income tax and the Fed.
This started during a Republican administration and has continued during a Democratic administration, and nothing will stop it.
It started on day one ... before there were any political parties. Read Maclay's Journal.
http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/amlaw/lwmj.html
US Government: An app in your Chinese made smartphone says you have 330 million cow friends. Your cow friends post impressive looking photos of their milk. Then the app maker mines your personal data and makes millions selling it to 3rd parties. Then the app makers sytems are hacked...by the Chinese....
John McCain has one bull, names it Lindsey and spends his days sucking it off
You have no cows. By your hard labor , time and thought you save enough to buy two cows. An armed person takes one cow and gives it to your able bodied non working neighbor and the other is butchered and given to buy favors for the person. You have no cows, and then you die.
you did not raise those cows
Capitalism: You have two cows. Sell one and buy a bull.
Traderism: You have two cows. Trade one cow for a bull. No capital needed at all.
If you're modern and want to do this simple barter exchange over time and space you use money. As a trader, you "create" money by making your trading promise and getting it certified. These certificates then circulate as the most valued object in virtually every simple barter exchange. You use the certificates to buy the bull. You sell a cow and get certificates in exchange. You return the certifices as promised and they are destroyed.
No capital needed at all.
No need to sell them, get a loan on one of the cows and then use the loan to get some bull samples and then inseminate the bull samples to the two cows and now you will get 2 more cow/bull next year! Sell the extra one next year to payback the loan and thus you got yourself 2 cows + one bull and then trade off that bull for your neighbors bull and get a genetic diversity for coming years.
get a loan on one of the cows
In a properly managed MOE process, a trader doesn't "get a loan". He creates money by getting his trading promise certified. When he delivers on his promise, he returns the certificates and they are destroyed.
Actually, you're familiar with this process. You want to buy a house or car. You make a promise to make monthly payments and get it certified. You give the certificates to the seller. Then, monthly, you trade to acquire certificates (money), and return them as promised. They are then destroyed.
If you are a responsible trader (i.e. no propensity to default) you are free to do this with no interest load whatever. If you default, your default is immediately recovered with a like interest collection ... guaranteeing zero inflation by the relation: INFLATION = DEFAULT - INTEREST = zero.
This is how money extends simple barter exchange over time and space.
The "getting a loan" part is imposed by capitalists who claim the privilege of judging the promise and taking a piece of the transaction. It's time we stood up and denied the capitalists' claim. All it does is fatten their purses. It restrains trade and causes non-zero inflation (which governments rely on for their principal financing).
"Traderism: You have two cows. Trade one cow for a bull. No capital needed at all."
Actually in this case, the cattle themselves were the capital in this transaction.
When I lived in Arkansas, some of the ranches there had not-so-good wire fencing. A large beefmaster bull was collectively known as the "community bull" and could hop these fences, then hump his way into bliss, but I digress. There was genetic diversity. Too bad the same lesson wasn't learned with the people just south of Little Rock in the People's Republic of Grant County.
Market for bulls is now down ... is there an HFT algo to pump that market back up again to pretend everything is normal? :-)
How long is it going to take you to find someone who wants to trade you a cow? You ever think that the person who has enough cows that they would be willing to trade some off aren't interested in more cows. They've got those and they would like to have something that they don't already have a field of. That is the whole reason money was invented in the first place. ZH probably has the most dramatic spread of intelligence in it's commenting populace. They've either very smart of dumb as a fucking rock.
That is the whole reason money was invented in the first place.
Correct. What's your issue?
If you are not funny, don't try.
If you are not gainfully employed, don't try ;)
You have two cows, they both are gay...
Government : Has two bulls. Calf crop fails to meet projections. Forms committee and hires consultants to establish optimum calf production procedures . Calf crop fails, Gov shoots farmer in charge of cows for questioning 5 year calving plan. Gov invades neighboring farm to take their cows but kills them all in process.
Bonuses and re-elections for everyone
US government: You have 330 million cows. You milk them down to the last drop, tell them that they’re the freest cows in the world, then train them to be afraid of men in caves.
I am so tired of hearing this dumbass libertarian talking point, and I consider myself a libertarian. You know why the average person, with a fucking brain, is afraid of terrorists from the ME? It's because our stupid fucking government is going to call them refugees and stick them on a plane and fly them to Tennessee or maybe Minnesota.
The stupid won't end there thou. Thanks to the Islamic extremism they just imported it will be necessary for the government to now spy on everything Americans do, but if you notice this trend then you're a racist.
Before you term someone 'dumbass' , you might consider learning how to spell. Thou (sic) your point is well taken.
I don't do that much proof reading of a comment on ZH.
:-) Neither do I if there is a mistake not going to worry about and agree with the gist of your message.
Socialism: You have two cows! The government take one, then taxes the other one so much you can't afford to pay the taxes. SO then, the government takes the second cow, and you're left destitute.
Socialism -- compulsion, NOT compassion!
Capitalism explained in two words:
"two years"
Obtain privilege of a bank charter. Put in X amount of capital. Loan out 10x X amount of money. Earn 4% spread (40% on your capital). Double your capital in two years. Pull your capital out. Leave capital gained ride to do it again in two more years.
You're now a capitialist ... with no skin in the game.
So what do we need capitalists for again?
capitalism stopped at bank cartels issuing monopolistic charters
capitalism stopped at bank cartels issuing monopolistic charters
And can you describe what it looked like before that? What was its purpose?
Coming soon to a pasture near you: You have two cows. The free shit army tries to kill both with a 9 millimeter. A few FSA'ers get trampled, the rest run off to loot the nearest CVS. Your neighber knows how to clean and stitch bullet wounds, so you offer them a weeks worth of milk in exchange.
Close, but try this. The socialists take your cows and give them to some FSA memebers for free. The FSA members give the cows grape soda instead of water. The cows get diabetes and die. Now nobody has any cows.
You have two Cows Without Borders. An A-10 Warthog decides they are terrorists. Now you have no cows. One week later a tank is doing donuts in your pasture.
you have two cows, buy a camera and put them on the interweb and call one Caitlyn. Watch the $ roll in.
You have two joints. You wake up as Leader of the Free World. You fuck everything up. You retire eight years later and have two more joints.
Choomenomics?
I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints and then I smoke two more ~ Sublime
If government wasn't involved in every aspect of our lives there would be no reason for corporate lobbyists to bribe politicians with millions of dollars. The dumb sheeple who vote for the idiots that want to ban or regulate everything are 100% at fault for all this crap!
Again, this is not the Capitalism society your grandparents or parents grew up with. They have been twisting things for the last 2-1/2 decades. Take a English book or history from the 1950 and compare the content of 2015. Despotism will fail in this country. Repeating the same mistakes.
Dependency theory - YouTube
There's a really funny cartoon on Youtube about capitalism and 2 cows. It's called "TOD Talks" - worth a look.
>"You Have Two Cows..."
"There are two chairs..."
7 billion hamsters bitchez. Same story.
Awesome the summation at the end pinged that off for others to read.
Good one.
Looks as if few remember "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair. Can all consumers have all the information they need to make a true capitalist's decision when they buy their cow? There are many wholesale sellers of cows but few wholesale buyers. Economies of scale determine the chemicals and natural resources used to raise cows with few concerns for long term effects. Take a look at the cow you are eating at MCD or SVU. Do you like what the invisible hand is feeding you? And, if you think they are regulated in the U.S., check out the law written by Cargill, Conagra and a couple others into almost every state's books. It's called, "The right to farm" -- they make the rules. Ayn Rand should not be the god of land, money and labor. They should not be treated as commodities.
^^Obviously has never been to a livestock auction.
If you can't tell a good cow from a bad cow, you ain't got no business buying cows and there's no substitute for experience.
More an art than a science.
Ayn Rand was not a rancher, by the way. Why is she here?
J.P. Morgan has two cows and puts them in deep freeze and pledges them as prime collateral for $500 billion in derivatives.
Oatmeal, it's what's for dinner...
The real capitalists are focusing on GTFO. Enjoy the gulag while it lasts.
Beef is not really a good indicator of agricultural productivity, it's a rich man's food and makes very inefficient use of land.
The problem with communists like in the old USSR and now Venezuela is that they try to have it both ways, centralized planning of production/imports/prices but market based planning of consumption ... they don't mix. You have to use rationing, just like in wars (in a war everyone is a central planner).
Theres more than enough land in Venezuela to raise both cattle and rice. And yes, it is a rich man's food. Which is why we should all aspire to eat it and its production should be encouraged.
Besides its easier to raise cattle than grains. You get more production out of every dollar and man-hour, rather than out of every acre.
I'll stick to pigs. A good sow will produce 20 piglets a year.
You have 2 cows. The media begins a relentless campaign convincing the population that anyone with more than 1 cow is anti-semitic.
So you loan one of your cows to your Israeli neighbor, who loans it to someone else, charges interest, and uses the money to blow up a government building and blame it on Arabs. In a fit of rage, you join the military, get shipped to Iraq, step on a land mine, and are shipped home in a box
Here's the problem as I see it: They just don't stop.
I'm in the middle of a beach dispute in cottage country, where the 1% of the people—Usually retired teachers and other know betterer types.—want to change how the beaches have been used for over a 100 years.
We drive on'em. They want this stopped under the guise of environmental damage. Not to mention, the beach front owners then get the beaches to themselves. Yeah…
We pushed them back about 6 years ago. They regrouped. We pushed them back again. They've regrouped.
Think Delphi technique, and all the usual, where we're enjoying the sunset on the weekends, and the retired ƒµç?$ sit around plotting all day.
Not to mention the environmental group that plays the local politicians, who get funding from the local government, to take my beaches away from me, using my tax dollars?!?
They just don't stop.
And burearcracies aren't there to reduce regulation, legislation, rules or law. They're there to make and enforce it.
So you get a type of person, a mentality, that just loves to make rules and enforce, who gravitates into government.
These interests constantly move 'the middle ground' further to their side. And when they achieve 'the middle ground', the move over and start again, looking for the… "Middle ground."
I don't know how to stop them. It's everywhere now, this ruling, feeing, regulation, policing.
Has anyone calculated the rate of income tax, and just at what point in the future, the average citizen will fall down, exhausted, unable to survive with all the takers and tit-milkers attached to them?
We're coming to the end. Medicare, medicaid, SS are done by 2020. It's coming. Broke. That'll end it.
•?•
V-V
Sounds to me like you have some sand in your vagina, maybe you need to spend less time at the beach anyway????
1) Get cans of spray paint and tag the buildings along the beach. Poof! No more liberals.
2) Pick the ugliest empty lot you can find and put up a sign announcing it as the new home of Mikey's Gun Range and Gas-powered lawn mower test track. Poof! Angry, protesting liberals standing six deep to get their fat butts on TV, which leaves you to enjoy the beach in peace.
3) Walk along the beach in a MOPP suit and wave a geiger counter around, then tell everybody that there is no cause for alarm.
Nauset beach and the rest of the outer Cape, same story, fucking Piping Plovers.
Not sure if you mentioned the ancillary tactic, the tightening noose...take 100 yards one year, 200 the next...pretty soon you are fenced out of your own beach.
And we have been broke for awhile; we are just on IV printed money to sustain palliative life support.
You drive on the beaches? You'll kill the little crabs!
Fascism is not an economic system. What a dumb t-shirt you had as a kid.
Imperialism: You have two cows. You painted both with stars and stripes and you let them loose in your neighbours vegetable patch causing extreme havoc.
Communism: you have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.
Tyrannism: You have two cows. The government tortures both, skins both alive, and hits you on the head with the bones to keep you quiet.
Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor and gave them your vet's telephone for free health care privileges.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells the milk.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you and your whole family.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Feudalism: You have two cows. The Nobles takes both, orders you to milk them and you bathe the nobles with milk.
Libertarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both, releases them because they believe liberty is of the highest value.
Racism: You have two cows. The government takes both and then deports you because you're non-white and you did exactly the same thing similar to what the early european and british settlers did.
Buereaucratism: You have two cows. The government takes both, milks both, shoots one, then pours the milk down the drain.
Intellectualism: You have two cows. And you reasoned with government inspectors that you are keeping and studying them because you believe that all knowledge is derived from reason.
Statism: You have two cows. You want to set them free, however, you also believe you need permission from the state to be free to set them free.
Academicism: You have two cows. You study them both and came to the conclusion that nothing can be known.
Legalism: You have two cows. The government takes both because you let them roam around the city without a legal license or permit.
Absolutism: You have two cows. The government takes both just because they claim they rule.
Conservatism: You have two cows and keep them both in their usual state to maintain political and social traditions.
Humanitarianism: You have two cows. You slaughter both and feeds them to the poor people to improve human welfare.
Mutualism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour and you tell them about the mutual dependence of society.
Instrumentalism: You have two cows. You have the idea that both are instruments of action.
Anarchism: You have two cows. You sell both and finance an activist movement because you believe that all governments should be abolished.
Totemism: You have two cows. You keep both because you believe you have a special kinship with the animals.
Immoralism: You have two cows. The government takes both and paints them with rainbow colours.
Alatovkrapism: Two cows is you have. One died. Is how many left. None. Other cow went funeral.
Zerohedgeism: You have two cows. You have the opinion that on a long enough timeline, the survival rate of both drops to zero.
Who is Hillary Clinton...
You have two cows. The government drowns them in cowshit.
Communism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk
Socialism: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor.
Fascism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws away the milk.
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Venture Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then issue a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows with an option on one more.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows. Later you hire a consultant to find out why the cow has died.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad.
An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrested the newsman who reported the real situation.
Socialism...you GIVE one?!? Horseshit!
Feminism: You own two cows. YOU OPRESSIVE FUCKING SHITLORD!
Someone cowsplain to this cretin about bovine trigger warnings!
Tim Cowlishaw will be along directly to explain...but right now, he's mooooooving
+ 100
logged in just to upvote this. Actually, this whole thread saved my shit day. ZH TO THE RESCUE !
I have no cows.
The Govt. steals one and gives it to me. I look around and see most people have two cows and file suit for discrimination.
I win and get another cow. My cows die because I don't milk them but I chop up the cows for a big BBQ Saturday night.
I have no cows.
Very little beef and a lot of crap.
I buy the milk with the furthest out "sell by" dates .... and leave the older milk for the stupid Free Shitters .... with EBT cards ?
good plan and it works cuz they can't reed.
I buy Jimmy Dean sausage .... at the dollar store .... mix it with lean ground pork (which is cheaper) .... add a little sage, thyme, salt and dried chili .... I call it "sausage helper" .... sometimes I call it "sausage stretcher" ?
I have two cows .... I give the milk to the pigs .... and buy skim milk .... because the government says whole milk is bad for you !
The cows say
Four legs good
Two legs bad
I thought the cows say 'eat mor chiken'.
You have two cows with a mortgage on each, but you do not really own the cows they are owned by Cede and Company which is ultimately owned by the banks that finance your mortgage company ... and you are only the beneficiary of the cows and can collect the milk, and sell it to pay the mortgage on the cows and feed your family as long as you give 50% of the proceeds from the milk production to the government. If the cows ever stop producing milk or you fail to give 50% of the proceeds to the government, the government will take the cows. If you ever stop paying the mortgage on the cows, the mortgage company will take the cows.
The banks that finance the mortgage company and allow it to operate also finance the government and allow it to operate... the irony is thick.
You have two cows. you take out a mortgage on them. The banks securitize the cow mortgages. The securities are streamed into derivaive pools for milk; beef; leather; calfs. CDOs are created and pools of cow securities are pooled. Funds are created based on milk output, births/deaths, beef production and leather productions. Risk securities are created for weather; availability of water; corn feed prices; risk of disease; legislation potentially regulating or outlawing: milk, beef, leather, calfing. In the mean time you got hungry and slaughtered your two cows.The entire financial system collapses.
Linda Green, who securitized the cows is identified as a rogue mortgager who created the cow scandal.
Congress passes laws to protect citizens from cow scandals, such as the Bull and Cow act of 2016. Cows become regulated by the SEC, EPA (methane), homeland security and other agencies.
Capitalism, as defined by its inventor, Adam Smith ("Theory of Moral Sentiments") requires all parties to all transactions be cognizant of the interests, presence, and values, in fairness, truth, and mutual profitability, of the Creator of the universe, God Almighty.
America's credal civil religion captures this truth in the tenet "Annuit Coeptis," "divine Providence blesses our righteous endeavors."
British: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them...
Japan: You keep printing money and giving it to the banks so they will bring you two cows. No one ever shows up.
Gun control two cows:
You have two cows.
At night a wolf comes into the pasture and kills one cow.
You cut the horns off the one cow you have left and round off its sharp hooves.
Crime in America.
I have two cows. I go to bed at night. I wake up in the morning.. I have no cows. I file a police report. They read it in disbelief and say "Holy Cow"...
true communism is when the whole community equally share two cows... get your facts straight
:-P
Any community bigger than 250 people is a fiction.
True Communism: You have 2 cows. The government takes one cow and puts it on a private farm for the party elite. It takes the other cow and kills it and divides it in equal pieces for the proletariate/peasants to eat. The peasants eat the dead cow today and then tomorrow begin to starve to death. The party elites warn the peasants that the reason they are starving is that the greedy capitalist imperialists over there want to take the last cow of the mother country and sell it back to them. Any attempts by peasants to see the old cow are quickly quelled with mass executions of counter revolutionaries. Meanwhile the party elites live happily on milk and cheese until the old cow dies. Once the old cow dies the party elites declare to the remaining peasants that True Communism is not working, and that they need communism with capitalist characteristics. They invite foreign capitalists to bring new cows to the country then they confiscate the cows as capital for a new corporation to raise cattle for food and give themselves controlling interest of the corporation.
Neoliberalism: My cow eats your cow and shits out gold bricks for me.
Dogism- I cut those yummy cows up and cook them and then sell steaks, burgers and ribs to everyone. I take my loot and buy four cows and do the same.
I take my profit and buy scotch, a new set of clubs and the rest I squander by building a bigger stack....bitchez.
Side note- Eat at "Ghandi's Steak House- Where Cows are King!!"
Dog
"You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor."
It is not socialism it is called anti-monopoly laws
Vaginarchy: You have nothing even though you think you have something because you have a cow --- perhaps she has you because she stopped putting out a long time ago. It is complicated.
MindYourOwnFuckingBusinarchy: That guy over there? He has a bunch of shiny metal. If you come close enough to him, he will give tiny samples of it for free.
US: You have two cows. The government takes them under civil asset forfeiture laws and shoots your dog.
US: You have two cows. The EPA seizes them under the clean air act for farting, the IRS seizes your bank account for transactions just under $10,000 even though you have no money, the FBI seizes your guns because they gave all theirs to drug dealers south of the country, and the next president wannabe promises you more free shit you don't need. (Cows died because the EPA forgot to feed them)
German government: You have two cows. You work for years to build a successful farm with healthy cows, then invite young men from a foreign culture to come live on your farm for free and drink your milk, while you move out to live in the cowshed and continue to work.
This article was ok but I really enjoyed how the ZH-ers took the metaphor and ran with it.
You have two cows. They eat grass and hay. They fart and emit trace amounts of CO2, methane and hydrogen sulfide. The EPA arrests you and kills your cows because they will submerge the continents.
Banking system...
It has two cows, rehypothecates them to infinity, as soon as one loan in the chain goes bad, millions of people come looking for their cows, only to find out there were no cows to begin with, they were paper cows.