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How To Profit From Oprah Winfrey Gaining Weight
Moments ago, Weight Watchers which last week soared and made prompt carneage (sic) of thousands of bears (with 75% of its float short) when Oprah Winfrey announced she had bought a 10% stake in the company, saw its stock jump spike again on the most ridiculous of news: she said on the Ellen DeGeneres that she had lost 15 pounds in the last two months thanks to the food program by the debt-challenged company.
From the NY Post:
Days after announcing she bought a 10 percent stake in Weight Watchers, Oprah Winfrey says she’s lost 15 pounds since starting the program in August.
“As of today, since August 12th, I’ve lost 15 pounds,” she said to thunderous applause on Thursday’s Ellen DeGeneres show.
“I’m excited about Weight Watchers being able to bring a healthier, more holistic approach for everybody.”
The 61-year-old, who’s publicly struggled with her weight and tried numerous diets over the years, said she had never taken to the program in the past because of her distaste for the Points system.
The OWN creator says she briefly tried the diet system in the early ’70s, but never actually attended a meeting.
Surely "this time will be different", both for Oprah and for whatever round of global QE the world is now on.
Here is the newly svelte Oprah:
Some immediately wondered how this unaudited self-reporting does not constitute insider trading: after all, WTW shares soared just on the news of Winfrey's announcement making her an immediate $43.2 million profit, and then jumped another 4% on today's weight loss news adding a few more million as reward for her alleged additional wegith loss (mercifully much of the gains have been eaten since).
But far more importantly for arbitrageurs, there is now a direct way to profit from Oprah's weight gain, because if WTW surges simply on Oprah "losing" weight, then logically it has become the short of the century for every incremental pound in weight that Oprah gains.
Yes, it is an insane investment thesis, but in a world in which only central bank beta matter, it just may be the one piece of available alfalfa alpha left.
And now we wait for the comic episodes that result as thousands of "malicious" WTW short sellers fedex boxes full of chocolates to the media godess-turned-activist investor.
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fuck that fat bitch
Do you remember that time on Oprah's TV show when she binged off of her diet and ate one of her guests?
Oprah's weight seems to go up and down like it's connected to HFT
These aging broads are responsible for the feminist anti-male holocaust that has swept America. I'll be glad when they are gone and forgotten.
She's a woman with NO KIDS, telling all the MOMs what to think, and do, and buy...
Yeah, no problem with that. Its all good! Just like the Supreme court bitchez who don't have any grand kids, deciding what the law of this land will be, for the next 50 years! Does it make sense? Fuck no, unless you were trying to give people bad role models, and put in place Supreme Court justices who give ZERO FUCKS and are easily manipulated/bribed!
I'd wanna go way short on that action - even if you rolled her in flour to make finding the wet spot easier.
When she walks her ass looks like two Rhinos wrestling under a tarp...
not even with your dick.
And not even with somebody else's Dick.
Not even if I had a vagina...
oprah is a fraud
i used to think she was 2 different women when I came to the US first time - a fat one and a normal looking one - before I realized it's the same person putting on and off lots of weight.
Weight Watchers founder was my nextdoor neighbor in Venice Beach - las time I saw him he was at least 50 pound overweight (although he used to go the gym almost every day). So much for his invention
Why not just stick to a normal, well-balanced and sensible diet? I guess that just wouldn't work as a series on "The Oprah Network" (TON). You need the drama that comes with starvation, cheating, lying and the rest.
Big Corporations don't make $$$ when peeples eat healthy or think & act reasonably.
it's all about addictions to sugar or drugs
If you check out the details of the Weight Watchers diet, you'll see that it really is a normal, well-balanced and sensible diet. That is probably why a drama queen like Oprah has never tried it. It doesn't actually work, but that's because, well, diets don't work.
She lost 15 pounds? Only 250 moar to go.
Oprah: "Weight Watchers called and said, 'we'd like to bring you into our program so you can do what you do.' "
Eat too much. Get fat. Seek sympthy and support and talk about it. Announce losing 15 lbs. to applause. Rinse and repeat.
Did you catch where she bought Weight Watchers stock and then when Weight Watchers announced Oprah had joined them the stock doubled? The bitch made 40 million! It's not criminal but it should be a version of insider trading.
I don't think I have even PUT ON 15 lbs in the last 15 years, never mind lost it!
You forgot to add -
"lose weight, get in news, write a bestsellet about your struggles against obesity and become a motivational speaker".
Talking her bulk.
beep beep beep,watch out,she's backing up! oh shit,there goes the studio set......
Fuck off you fat skank!
and
Hey, how 'bout that VXX hanging tough with the market ripping again!!!
Wonder what that means? Wheels coming loose perhaps?
Yeah,noticed that too,UVXY green for the day,very strange.
Weight Watchers food tastes so horrible that even calories-challenged women would rather starve than eat it
She traded pounds for dollars
She's not too fat; she's just too short for her weight. At 10' tall she'd be perfect!
If she really cared she already be on a plane to a 5-star hotel in Puerto Vallarta to help anchor the Presidential Suite.
Thanks for making me laugh. That doesn't happen much these days. What's her address? I will send her some Hughes Chocolates.
It's not the weight folks, it's the stretch marks.
She's a very savvy fat skank rotten btch!
She plays the brainless 'victim culture Americans' like a fiddle, and sucks their cash into her coffers like no one else can.
She's a very smart parasite...
Okra and her kike puppet masters!
The bitch deserves to die.Fuck her and the lard she rode in on.
oprah weight options. someone will make millions.
she probably loses 15 pounds every time she takes a shit
You can't help but love that ugly, sloppy fat bitch!
Is she a dude?
LMFAO!!! Oprah the fat pig has been sliding since she endorsed Obama back in 2007. Funny how that works. No March 2009 bounce for fatso Oprah.
Now the fat pig is plugging a weight loss program and buying its stock. That's beautiful.
Get in line all you fucking lemmings and do the oprah waddle to your nearest WW class. And you know they will too.
Long gastric bands.
Be careful what you say guys
you might find your head stuffed under her large fat sweaty panus [fat roll] sniffing yeasty body cheese.
<insert requisite eye bleach comment here>
I'm fairly thick skinned and have seen a lot of gross shit but I'm begging ya, tone down the imagery... for the children!
So in British currency you're saying Oprah just gained millions of pounds thanks to weight watchers
I guess it is all how you spin it
Mutton dressed as lamb.
I wonder how the fat acceptance cabal is going to take this. Someone is going to issue a fatwa that may result in a jihad. What would women do without Oprah to guide them? This may elect Hitlery.
Islam no like pork
like fat americans without head
Has that lesbian negress she licks carpet with kicked her fat ass to the curb yet? I'm thinking a Caetlin (Bruce Jenner) and Oprah sex triangle (figure it out) reality show. There is still a tiny spot at the bottom of the barrel that needs scraping. Producers, don't forget my royalty checks for the idea. I will sue.
You heard it here first... Taylor Swift is a lesbian, and God told me in a dream that Swift and Oprah will become the ultimate Oreo-Cookie power couple in 2016...
AMAZING that she was on TV. Just last week, she was coming back to the US from Europe and was arrested by US Customs. Aparently when they stopped her for a random search, they found 60 pounds of crack under her skirt. TRUE STORY!
Having read the article AND the comments, I now know I need to drink more.
There ain't no Sanity Clause.
My mother has been a member of Weight Watchers since the company started, over fifty years ago. She is 72 y.o., 5'2", and STILL weighs about 205 (fortunately it is a dumpy healthy female-dumpling weight for her; she is very healthy; old-dumpling ladies live longer than skinny old ladies). Her view is that at least they have always recommended a healthful way of eating, so even if she is still fat she is healthy. That may well be true (actually the "fruit diet" they briefly promoted was not healthy, but that was an exception), but I don't think it will bring in the customers. Oprah will have as much luck on this "eating plan" as everyone else, which is no luck at all.
Done deal - short WeightWatchers.
Guaranteed she will regain the 15 lbs. and add another 30.
Her skin must resemble an ancient accordion.
WTF , Oprah is always *losing* weight; if that were actually true, wouldnt she weigh like -1000 lbs by now?
Oprah insider trading with her Weight Watchers deal... they should throw her ginormous ass in prison, like they did Martha Stewart. They would *lick* her weight problem for her once and for all...