This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Caption Contest: 2015's International Staring Championships Final

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Who will blink first?

 

Source: The Guardian

 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:53 | 6800163 Termin8or
Termin8or's picture

O-bama:  King me

Putin:  Checkmate mother fucker.......

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:57 | 6800188 Looney
Looney's picture

Why does it smell like piss? ;-)

Looney

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:07 | 6800249 Aaaarghh
Aaaarghh's picture

Putin: What is this 'Mulligan' you speak of?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:44 | 6800431 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

VP: Dude, you're like right in my face

SR: That's no way to talk to the president

VP: I was talking to you

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:52 | 6800459 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

You say There a Great Golf course in Crimea... Ok lets talk, tell me more...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:51 | 6800460 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Obobo: Do you have any 4's ?

Putin: Go Fish

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:44 | 6800740 asteroids
asteroids's picture

Quick: Is Boris around? We need an official translation.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:26 | 6800945 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

 

Obama:  Do you think Stalin would have played or liked golf?

Putin:  Het

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:57 | 6801103 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Would you like anything else Mr. Putin?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:09 | 6800257 remain calm
remain calm's picture

O: Are you sure you want to fuck her?
P: Yes
O: Why?
P: I am a big Star Wars fan and I have a thing for apes.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:36 | 6800403 City_Of_Champyinz
City_Of_Champyinz's picture

All Putin has to do is laugh at him and he wins the contest.  It is really that simple...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:09 | 6802897 RiderOnTheStorm
RiderOnTheStorm's picture

VP:  Why do my vingers smell like your black monkey balls?  Did I really drink that much wodka last night?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:13 | 6802909 RiderOnTheStorm
RiderOnTheStorm's picture

VP:  My Russin paper covers baROCK every time!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:18 | 6802922 RiderOnTheStorm
RiderOnTheStorm's picture

VP:  I have these many banannas.  I will trade all of them for one poke at the Wookie.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:23 | 6802932 RiderOnTheStorm
RiderOnTheStorm's picture

These hands could just as easily be around your fucking neck

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:30 | 6802953 RiderOnTheStorm
RiderOnTheStorm's picture

VP:  You vill be my puppett vith or vithout these hands stuck up your ass!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:00 | 6800206 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

"Yes Barack, but first you must pull my finger"...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:12 | 6800271 Frontline Retailer
Frontline Retailer's picture

How many eyes (intelligence services) do we have worldwide, and we can't seem to end this war?  Meanwhile, ISIS has no problem selling $40 Million worth of oil per month. US and UK are trying to pass more draconian surveillance laws.  

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:59 | 6801115 XitSam
XitSam's picture

We gave targeting info to France so they could attack ISIS in Raqqa.  So we had that information but weren't using it.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:39 | 6800414 PlayMoney
PlayMoney's picture

O: we should put Al Bhagdadi on Goldman Sachs board

P: you're a fucking idiot

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:46 | 6800758 Fukushima Fricassee
Fukushima Fricassee's picture

Avitar says it all

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:45 | 6801047 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Obummer: "Do you have any 8s?"

Putin: "Go Fish"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:56 | 6800178 E.F. Mutton
E.F. Mutton's picture

Putin: "I propose carrot and stick approach.  You write Syria plans on carrot and stick in ass"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:56 | 6800179 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Deeds not Words, brother.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:58 | 6800195 Albertarocks
Albertarocks's picture

Obama: "God damn it, that little bastard keeps outsmarting us at every turn."

Putin:  "I can read your mind asshole, and that's the first thing you've got right in the past 6 months." 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 12:58 | 6800197 Fester
Fester's picture

And then you push "clock" again, and it's set.

Ooooooo

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:04 | 6800202 hotrod
hotrod's picture

" Yes Barry, I have video of you and Reggie."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:02 | 6800214 Pliskin
Pliskin's picture

Putin:   "....her fuckin' tits were out here man!"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:03 | 6800526 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

Oboma: Tits? What are they?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:02 | 6800215 agNau
agNau's picture

"What's wrong, CHICKEN McFLY???"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:02 | 6800216 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Barry (thinking): He's so sexy and macho, I think I'm feeling a tingle up my leg. Wasn't there a guy like him that hung out at Man's World? Hmmm...

Putin (thinking): My God, I can't believe they sent this empty suit!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:02 | 6800218 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

"Stop eating the "chocolate" men, Barry.  It is a plastic chess set."

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:03 | 6800219 tarabel
tarabel's picture

 

 

Obama: I was recruited by the KGB before you were.

Putin: No, I KGB before you.

Valerie: Boys, boys, stop it. I put both your names on the list of prospects at the same time. 

Obama: But it was alphabetical, right? 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:07 | 6800221 SSRI Junkie
SSRI Junkie's picture

putin: "YA pokupayu bol'she zolota i prodazhe bumagu vy fudgepacking anus - lyubovnika"

translator: "i'm buying more gold and selling your paper you fudgepacking anus-lover"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:04 | 6800237 besnook
besnook's picture

what i wish i could hear. " the zionazis are the problem. let's take them out. i'll provide your cover."

what putin is really saying in diplospeak. "if you fuck with me. i'll fuck you and your little butt boy, israel, up. keep being an asshole."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:05 | 6800239 BeaverCream
BeaverCream's picture

Putin: Barack if you manspread me one more time I'm going to cut it off.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:13 | 6800241 RawPawg
RawPawg's picture

Would have been a most opportune time for Putin to show his "strike first techniques,just like on the streets of St.P'burg's back in the day"

Classic

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:06 | 6800243 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

Another golden photo op wasted. Putin could have just reached across that table and bitch-slapped him.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:34 | 6800393 iClaudius
iClaudius's picture

He's doing that in Syria.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 17:18 | 6801554 Sparehead
Sparehead's picture

I'm sure he did...metaphorically.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:07 | 6800247 Sages wife
Sages wife's picture

"You heard me. You're a fucking dead man."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:10 | 6800263 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Okay, so let's make sure we have our plans straight. You act like you're incompetent, and I'll come in and "clean up the mess".  Create enough global chaos and people will be clamoring for a NWO to come "save" them.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:13 | 6800278 UGrev
UGrev's picture

Putin: Yes, but can you hold your balls like "this".. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:17 | 6800298 windcatcher
windcatcher's picture

Good chance for a Putin head butt!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:19 | 6800302 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

Should we decide with rock, paper, scissor?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:19 | 6800303 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Putin: "No, I don't want to go back to your place for a fucking nightcap."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:23 | 6800324 savagegoose
savagegoose's picture

no no the horsey goes 2 in 1 direction then one to either side

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:30 | 6800371 iClaudius
iClaudius's picture

Putin: "Are you going to give me my book back?"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:32 | 6800379 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

but New England is undefeated and I've got their Super Bowl ring.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:36 | 6800401 ali-ali-al-qomfri
ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

Da, I cleearly rolled a 17

and your armor rating is well below that,

and you have no more healing spells.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:46 | 6800444 poland spring
poland spring's picture

Putin: I hope you can 'talk' to the NY Attorney General to reconsider the banning of Draft Kings and Fan Duel.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:50 | 6800458 PR Guy
PR Guy's picture

 

 

 

 

 

Rock.

 

Paper.

 

Scissors.

 

Nuclear torpedo! I win!!

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:51 | 6800461 yearight
yearight's picture

putin- I take dump legs are spread this far

obama- yea yea must folks do

rice- i haven't taken a dump in six months so I forget how far my legs are spread!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:52 | 6800465 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Putin:  This is the next country we will take over.

 

Barry:  No problem.  So long as I get my "oil money" kickback deposit by 4pm today.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:56 | 6800486 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

O.  Its time to talk about my next reelection.

 

P. Not a chance, even I cant take another 4 years of your stupid ass. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 13:58 | 6800498 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Putin: Your move

Obama: But but but...I don't know how to play chess.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:06 | 6800535 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Barry:  any 4's?

Putin:  go fish

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:10 | 6800553 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

Putin: Geez, are there any grown-ups in the US government?

Oboma: No. LOL!. BWAHAHAHAAAHAAAA! Got you, Pootie-pants.

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:09 | 6800554 MadVladtheconquerer
MadVladtheconquerer's picture

PUTIN:  I am beeg man.  You are leetle boy!"

(Russian scientist in my lab actually said this to a Dutch scientist.)

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:01 | 6800832 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

Lmfao that's hilarious.... a Dutch scientist.....

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:15 | 6800580 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

O: Is your Aircraft Carrier having Electrical and Control problems too?

P: Sunspots...look into it

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:18 | 6800604 ezag
ezag's picture

My balls are this big

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:27 | 6800647 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

Bad Vlad:  "And I can beat you in golf too."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:27 | 6800649 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Here is the differences:

1) The Kenyan takes orders and other things.

 

2) The Russian leader gives orders and other things.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:30 | 6800661 exartizo
exartizo's picture

Obama: We bombed some ISIS folks for a little while in Syria.

Putin: We kicked ass and took names on ISIS. Now they're afraid to show their faces in Syria. 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:31 | 6800672 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Is that Michael next to Obama on the right?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 17:14 | 6801540 Sparehead
Sparehead's picture

No, it's our inept national security advisor.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:42 | 6800733 . . . _ _ _ . . .
. . . _ _ _ . . .'s picture

Putin: Tell Magog, "The owl is in the barn."

Obama: Yes, massa.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:43 | 6800736 Kagemusho
Kagemusho's picture

Obama: Hey, Vlad, you want some of these cukes Michelle grew in the White House garden?

Putin: Nyet. No thanks, Barrie. Like you, they give me bad case of gas.

Oh, and remember, Putin does speak English. He's just not fluent. He almost certainly knows colloquial English cuss words. Whereas Barrie would have to ask what "Yob tvoyu mat!" ("You motherf-ker!") means.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 14:48 | 6800770 Charles Offdensen
Charles Offdensen's picture

Putin:! Would you like me show you how I wrestle beeeg bear?

Barry: as long as you take off your shirt and we can cuddle afterwards!

Putin: Cuddle? What a fag!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:07 | 6800860 The Gladiator
The Gladiator's picture

Your ass in in these hands.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:20 | 6800917 E.F. Mutton
E.F. Mutton's picture

I explain Syria if you explain bulge in wife's dress, da?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:32 | 6800988 DaveA
DaveA's picture

Putin's playing chess, and Obama's playing Candy Land.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 15:43 | 6801036 Charles Offdensen
Charles Offdensen's picture

Putin: Seriously you married that woman?

Barry: Ha, I finally beat you. That's not a woman!

Putin: Yes I know!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 16:14 | 6801205 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

Obama: Mr Putin, the Ouija board won't work unless you put your hands on it

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 16:15 | 6801215 Wow72
Wow72's picture

Putin:  Let me tell you how it will be.

Obama: O.K.?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 16:29 | 6801285 toadold
toadold's picture

As a side note:

http://dcwhispers.com/putin-laughs-off-obama-at-g20-summit-hes-a-child-h...

 

 If true VJ pushed for photo opp. 

Apparently there are very few people who take him seriously any more.  Hong Kong needs to be careful of American Democrats fleeing to it.

I suggest increasingg land fills.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 16:33 | 6801312 BigSimes
BigSimes's picture

Obama: "Think about it, remove your air support and let us handle this operation. We will defeat ISIS. And we can remove those sanctions. You win either way, Putin."

Putin: "Very few understand how difficult it is to refrain, time and time again, from nuking your debt riddled Wall Street or just hacking your ponzi banks back to the stone age. Please, Mr President, can I call you nigger, like in the Hollywood movies?"

Obama: "Only if I can call you Vlad the Impaler."

Vlad the Impaler: "Yo' Nigger: The Buck Stops Here."

Obama to translator: "What did he say, I can't understand him again."

Translator to Putin in Russian: "The peace of the entire world is in your hands and the US don't get it. Cameron and Hollande are the same bitches. They really think they run the show."

Vlad the Impaler: "O-K Mr President... You have 24 hours to remove all NATO forces from Syria."

TO BE CONTINUED

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 16:41 | 6801360 Realname
Realname's picture

Obama Assad must go!

Putin Nigga please!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 17:12 | 6801522 Sparehead
Sparehead's picture

"Bishops don't move that way."

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:39 | 6802340 Peak Bull
Peak Bull's picture

Putin: You didn't attack ISIS for all these years because you didnt want to violate their 'safe space'??? What the hell is a 'safe space' ?

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 02:54 | 6803391 cookies anyone
cookies anyone's picture

pick-a-boo 

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!