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Did Merrill Lynch Just Cancel Christmas?

Tyler Durden's picture




 

From "Thundering Herd" to thundering-mad. Having recently laid off 100s of staff and cut compensation plans, AdvisorHub reports that Mother Merrill may be canceling Christmas for its roughly 14,500 brokers - "we’re hearing that in many regions the Bank of America-owned brokerage firm has sent out word that there will be no Merrill-financed holiday parties this year." Such Grinch-like moves have little precedent, and brokers in some areas have retaliated.

One large office in the New York area quietly arranged a party but was so cautious that it issued no email invitations and kept it so far below the radar “for fear of Big Brother ‘catching them” that a good number of people “missed the event amidst general disarray,” a well-connected source tells us.

 

“In the old days, we’d just do one [party] and deal with the consequences, but now managers are just too scared,’” he writes.

 

One branch manager in another New York-area branch with about two dozen advisors is getting kudos for throwing a holiday event for staff, spouses and significant others – and paying for it out of his own pocket, according to our source.  We are eager to hear what happens when management gets wind of the manager’s winning audacity.

 

What’s the holiday spirit in your shop this season?  Is the sobering increase in mass shootings and terrorism eroding the urge to celebrate?  Are robo-advisors, regulatory fears and mediocre investment outlooks casting cold water on the holiday spirit?

 

We hardly think that these times are comparable to 2001, when many holiday parties were canceled in the wake of 9/11, or even in the aftermath of the 2008-2009 credit crisis when partying again seemed unseemly when so many Americans were losing jobs and homes.

*  *  *

Interestingly, Bank of America’s wealth management business is having a very good year, booking a profit margin of 24% last quarter, better than archrival Morgan Stanley’s 22%. Perhaps what’s changed is parent company expectations.

 

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Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:34 | 6896800 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Why don't they just do an 'end around' and have a party off-site? Too revolutionary in my thinking?

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:36 | 6896810 glenlloyd
glenlloyd's picture

Our President needs to hear about this. That way he can go on TV and publicly disgrace Merrill for being a grinch.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:37 | 6896820 Baby Bladeface
Baby Bladeface's picture

Merrill Grinch demands bailout.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:48 | 6897236 Stainless Steel Rat
Stainless Steel Rat's picture

Stan O'Neal was overheard to say: "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:49 | 6896894 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Merrill'l be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow
And mistletoe
And presents like QE

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:09 | 6897013 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Good. I hope all the pig fuckers get it up the ass for every trade they illegally reversed because they were on the wrong side. And I hope their wives go lezbo with fat ugly Rosie O'Donnell types and steal their hookers too.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:18 | 6897081 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

Tom Selleck approves this message. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:55 | 6897259 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

ML is simply getting some of that warm and fuzzy, "Hope & Change" ideology wrapped up for them at Kwanza in pink slips.

 

It's Barry's gift the rest of the nation has been getting for the past 7 years. Wait till they are forced to find an "ACA Compliant" health plan while out of work.

 

Have fun and Happy Kwanza!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:03 | 6896975 PrezTrump
PrezTrump's picture

They have to be muslim or black to get a response.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:36 | 6896819 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

You need to be breathing in more Chem-trails; you are being too logical and rational.  Then again, they could have just had a faceless book or titter party and pretend to have the best party ever.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:39 | 6896838 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Wut?

And come out of their own pocket and rent a facility? Perish the thought!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:12 | 6897039 junction
junction's picture

Merrill has to be sensitive to how Obama's proxy army of killers, the Daesh, frown on parties in concert venues or to celebrate Christmas / New Year's Day.  Obama, educated and brainwashed as a youngster in Indonesia at a madrasa, at heart has no use for Crusader holidays.  Hence, the Manchurian Candidate's arming ISIS and letting in jihadist killers from Saudi Arabia.    

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:52 | 6897517 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

Nope. The .gov (who owns these firms) made a call and said to cancel all Xmas parties.....1)Its not fair to mooslims 2)It will prevent attacks and mass shootings, right?

 

 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:34 | 6896801 manofthenorth
manofthenorth's picture

Scrooge is in charge peasants !

SUCK IT UP !

 Little Timmy ain't gettin' shit !

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:48 | 6896887 booboo
booboo's picture

Whaaat? Holiday parties are the only way some of these guys are gonna get coked up and layed, hard times in Bedford Falls. George Bailey is gonna jump off a bridge I know it.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:57 | 6896947 BiPolarFrenchman
BiPolarFrenchman's picture

Welcome to Potter's Ville, America 2015

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:49 | 6896893 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

Little Timmy is going to get fucked up the ass hard. He is going to inherit his parents...grandparents...greatgrandparents credit bomb. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:03 | 6896984 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Right in the poop shoot with his ricketty little crutch!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:34 | 6896803 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

What is Christmas without the Christ?  A bankers profit Holiday season.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:37 | 6896821 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

happy hanukkah!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:09 | 6897014 ---------
---------'s picture

merry rat kike decision!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:46 | 6896878 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

He is making his list and checking it twice. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:25 | 6897112 northern vigor
northern vigor's picture

"Tis harvest season for the mortgage holders"................................E. Scrooge.

 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:35 | 6896807 sam i am
sam i am's picture

 IMF Executive Board agreed today to change the policy on non-toleration of arrears to official creditors

 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:44 | 6896860 Baby Bladeface
Baby Bladeface's picture

IMF making last swirl around toilet bowl before disappears.

Oops, wait, is the Ukraine...

IMF now being pinched off over seat hole the outhouse.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:49 | 6896895 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

More encouragement for Russia/China and others to drop the dollar as reserve currency.  Makes me wonder if it's planned.

Wed, 12/09/2015 - 08:51 | 6898566 Amicus Curiae
Amicus Curiae's picture

whooo...excellent linkout

mulga mumblebrain and anonymous commenters especially.

thanks

 

might be worth the Tylers making its own article on this..

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:36 | 6896816 MASTER OF UNIVERSE
MASTER OF UNIVERSE's picture

Cocaine n' Hookers is the afterparty anyways, Merrill old boy.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:36 | 6896817 kerfuffled
kerfuffled's picture

We're supposed to care these finance leeches miss xmas?

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:38 | 6896828 kelley805
kelley805's picture

Is this related to many short ETFs such as UDN being closed?

 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:40 | 6896839 Ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is bliss's picture

Wierd...I thought the economy was rocking. Why lay off all those poeple if you never had a down day in the stock market?

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:41 | 6896850 ToSoft4Truth
ToSoft4Truth's picture

Smart move.  Stay off the radar.  People are going to be pissed.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:44 | 6896862 Full Nelson
Full Nelson's picture

Sorry mid-level Goyim brokers, we're tightening our belts -around your necks.  Lahayem

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:28 | 6896865 ihatebarkingdogs
ihatebarkingdogs's picture

This was an early Christmas present for me. Reading that banksters and add-no-value financial services employees are being "denied" perks warms my heart. That they're loosing their jobs, even better. Fook BofA and their subsidiaries. After 39 years of patronage, I left that organized crime ring of a bank in 08 and have never looked back.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:47 | 6896871 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Mine was cancelled too. Company-wide. Didn't even need to. Our division had an outstanding year.

I blame boomer fuck heads. This was after 5 paycuts in 3 years. Eat a dick.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:55 | 6896932 FreeShitter
FreeShitter's picture

You should blame the tribe, no really.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:17 | 6897070 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

I'm a boomer.

Today I just found out I got a $43,000 bonus and I'm going to get a 3.78% raise in my salary next year.

But take heart and keep the faith... If you keep waiting long enough, I'll die someday.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:23 | 6897100 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

My Dad reveived close to $250,000 in the form of a bonus a few years ago. He is one of the biggest pricks that have ever graced the earth. He will die alone one day...as we all will...and his money will not mean shit. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:35 | 6897162 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

So ask your dad to give you his $250,000. Then, by your very own reasoning your money won't mean shit.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:43 | 6897201 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

I make more than he does. 

I wrote HIS money will not mean shit. He is a miserable bastard with or without. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:11 | 6897306 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

We humans sure can be stupid, tied up in our own importance. My dad never had a kind word for me. I never once sat on his knee or even touched him. He was a intelligent man, but he could not accept my free spirit at the time. He died in '96. I wish I was as switched on in my younger days as I am now. I would have broken the ice, and made it different, but it's too late now...

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:16 | 6897336 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

Imagine if you would have broken the ice and he was still a prick? At least you would have tried....I suppose. 

You seem like a good man. Introspective at a bare minimum. 

I trust that you are both. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:57 | 6897528 Arthur Schopenhauer
Arthur Schopenhauer's picture

I will conclude with the thought that you had better tell him the things you want to say before its too late. Hell, he might even listen to you. And you might want to entertain the idea that he might want to tell you some things before its too late. Hell, you might even listen to him.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:47 | 6896884 DrZipp
DrZipp's picture

They will only be getting coal stocks in their stockings.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:47 | 6896885 Overpowered By Funk
Overpowered By Funk's picture

I hear there is a sheet counter on the TP dispensers in the restrooms at BAML.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:49 | 6896899 booboo
booboo's picture

Worst holiday party since Lehman.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:54 | 6896918 khakuda
khakuda's picture

You would think the stock market is down 50% instead of up 2% with all the panic. Of course, they may be realizing that the party is probably over.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:59 | 6896957 Philo Beddoe
Philo Beddoe's picture

Most insightful comment award. Nice.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:31 | 6897155 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

"Party's over said the girl!" 

https://youtu.be/EDpijgAu8Xo?t=1m44s

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:56 | 6896936 FreeShitter
FreeShitter's picture

This time of year it's different...depressing? Embrace it.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:56 | 6896940 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Well I guess it's better than getting shot by 3 (or 2) Muslims at the Christmas party.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:57 | 6896941 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

No Merrill funded parties=fed funded party=taxpayer bailout funded orgy.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:25 | 6896942 ---------
---------'s picture

christams was killed by homosexual muslims we voted for. can you make money with ramadan?

 

whats about the jew-holiday "rat kike decision"? i havent seen the rats kiked since somewhere around 2008

jewish holidays are useless anyway, because jews are greedy and dont spend a single penny on anything

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:13 | 6897318 fowlerja
fowlerja's picture

Now...now..now...where is your Christmas spirit?..are you giving us some of your thoughts because you have nothing positive to say?  you must not have received any attention during the holidays while you were growing up...:(

Wed, 12/09/2015 - 00:32 | 6897855 ---------
---------'s picture

and your comment sounds like that of a lonely woman, who wants to patted  :(

its not about being negative or positive. its a about facts

 

i am a atheist of jew descent and not a christian, but you got it completely wrong! i strongly support christmas. the problem is, our president and our elite do no longer want christmas nor christianity - thats not what i came up with, if i wont mention it who will?

 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 20:58 | 6896954 hotrod
hotrod's picture

Didn't ML basically bankrupt and that is why BOA had to buy them?????????

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:03 | 6896979 BiPolarFrenchman
BiPolarFrenchman's picture

If I recall, Merrill didn't really need a bailout to survive, but got swept up in the buying frenzy once the Fed opened the spigots. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:02 | 6896964 hotrod
hotrod's picture

I think CHRIST-MAS parties are not PC anyway.  In fact Christmas will be gone with one more 4 year liberal presidential stint.  Does Allah have a son and when was he born?

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:01 | 6896967 BiPolarFrenchman
BiPolarFrenchman's picture

"Perhaps what’s changed is parent company expectations."

 

Tylers, a great article would be an exposé on the parent companies of the major banks and just who exactly owns all these institutions, individual names.  It'd be nice to be able to put names/faces to the shadow power brokers.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:03 | 6896980 MopWater
MopWater's picture

I suppose they're pissed because that's he only way they can plow the secretaries and mail girls without the wife/fiancé finding out.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 23:21 | 6897621 Skiprrrdog
Skiprrrdog's picture

Oh come on... that is what regular week/work days are for...

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:28 | 6897121 ThrowAwayYourTV
ThrowAwayYourTV's picture

Christmas died when they took the name Christ out of it and replaced it with an X. Then came CombatXmas A/K/A Black Friday.

Corporatism destroyed the Christmas.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:28 | 6897136 OMG
OMG's picture

Just write Santa  a letter:

 

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
———————————————————–
Dear Timmy

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
————————————————————
Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “Naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,
Tim Jones
————————————————————-
Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
—————————————————————
Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespectin’ me. I’m about to tweet my homies and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat azz and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone
—————————————————————
Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza rolls all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked
for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your azz and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy
——————————————————————
Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy
——————————————————————
Timmy,

That’s what I thought, you little bastard!

Santa

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:30 | 6897143 Crush the cube
Crush the cube's picture

Without Christmas parties how are they going to distribute nail guns?  Hope they were partying at least two floors up.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:37 | 6897182 Make_Mine_A_Double
Make_Mine_A_Double's picture

I think it's also liability - we had a young gal who pranged a light pole a block away from her home back from our Xmas party. We settled (and paid the city for the pole and the stupid cunts car repairs - we got off easy).

But not worth it anymore - and everyone is so god damn busy this time of year anyways.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 21:55 | 6897266 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

I have never been to a corporate Christmas party that wasn't a total train wreck.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:20 | 6897356 Flagit
Flagit's picture

 

I have never been to a corporate Christmas party that wasn't a total train wreck.

 

I have never seen a corporate train wreck that wasn't a total Christmas party.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:13 | 6897319 Captain Benny
Captain Benny's picture

My employer hasn't given us peons a Christmas party in two years, but the company has been highly profitable.  The board has instead sold bonds and gone into debt to be acquired by a smaller company.  Insane?  Yep.  CEO walked with a huge golden parachute, so did the rest of the execs who had options.  Now the company justifies not doing promotions or parties because "we're in a lot of debt" ....  This is after four rounds of layoffs....

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:36 | 6897456 brown_hornet
brown_hornet's picture

Wife's company used to throw the bitchinest Christmas parties. Tons of fun. No more after 08. Now its employees only. (no spouses). They still profit billions. At least she still has her job. Although they are trying to make robots replace them all. 

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 22:47 | 6897501 GRDguy
GRDguy's picture

The wealth management business really just consists of managing the transfer of YOUR wealth into THEIR pockets.

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 23:18 | 6897611 Skiprrrdog
Skiprrrdog's picture

Cram a plastic reindeer up your ass and JUMP YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!

Tue, 12/08/2015 - 23:30 | 6897637 jcdenton
jcdenton's picture

Posted with no further comment needed ..

https://youtu.be/SIgoOP3qUhE

Wed, 12/09/2015 - 01:53 | 6898091 surf@jm
surf@jm's picture

I hear-tell that fast food robots have been programmed to take buy-sell orders for bonds and securities also.....

 

Where did I put that prospectus on that robot manufactorer?......

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