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The World Economy Explained With Two Cows: New Normal Edition
'Keep It Simple Stupid' is the underlying narrative of the "two cows explain economics" meme... but, in light of the 'new normal' reality unleashed by ever-intervening central planners, some of the key political, economic, and corporate systems needed a re-work...
Productivity 'increases'... or slave labor?
It's not a cow, it's a unicorn...
It's not easy being Greek...
Manipulation and lies...
China or America?
Venezuela or America?
Aha, America...
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Is this where 'mad cow's' disease comes from?
yellen can hear you
I can hear you. Did you think I had a life? All we do is mother-hen all over the markets.
We are scared that they may collapse, and jeapordize my fat speaking and consulting feather bed, at your expenses bitchez!
BTFD, it is my present to you! you've earned it through the sacrifice of your markets, your jobs, and your future, and your children's future.
Obamacare ~ Your cow shits on you and then goes off to graze on the golf course leaving you still wondering if it's gonna pay your gas & mortgage.
the problem with meatatarians is that they view the world through the lens of a cow.
what you have is, is you have two potatoes.
hugs,
mindful eaters everywhere
This list is incomplete. No mention of Russian cows, Indian cows (that should be fun!) or Sandland cows? WTF?
I like communism the most
In communism, the state takes both cows, then shoots you for failing to meet your milk production quota. Everybody stands in line to receive the milk you failed to produce.
Having lived under Communism, it was more customary to first blame the guy who used American methods of analysis to make the erroneous projections, to promote an underling for having figured this out, and vow to do better next year. The discredited official was first given a Lateral reassignment, and later promoted in the new line, for having "experience". Life went on, while everyone agreed that American models were bad, and needed Communist corrections.
Hence the shooting of the potential producers.
that last pic didn't mention anything about the miles of paperwork or the fines, fees and taxes
That's the stuff that comes out from just under the tail ;-)
who ever down voted you hasn't been to a dmv lately
The one who downvoted works at the dmv and knows where his pension comes from.
I remember a story, I think it was on this site where a restauranteer refused to serve a police officer. (he did not like the bad cops getting away with murder, so this was his way of protesting).
How about a program that is similar to the "shame the johns" pgm...
To all private businesses, find out who your customers work for, and if they work for the .gov charge them double for your product or service... "Shame the .gov worker"... I like the sound of that... "Shame the .gov worker".
Shame them into quiting the .gov (one way to reduce the size of .gov).
Make up for the pension they get off of the sweat of your back.
I went to a DMV in Rochester, NY to renew my license. The dam people did it so quickly I was out in 10 minutes or less. I was so pissed because I brought a good book and had no time to read it. Walked in, router said go to this line, lady typed in my old number, go to this line and check the information, oh your address changed so fill in your new one, bang pay the money, go to this line and collect your temporary license to which your real license will be mailed to you within 10 days (came in 6 including a weekend). Please get your ass outa here so we can take the next customer. Sheeesh In other states I spent half the day there. (When I moved to NY from CA the same thing happened. ) When I moved to CA from TN I failed the written test 2x. The lady made a crude joke about wearing shoes or something like that. I now hear about Jerry Brown, high speed rail to Vegas from LA, Fukishima radiation, forest fires, drought and actually don't feel bad.
Shovel ready!
...bytchez!
"This can all be corrected by appointing my nephew as Cow Czar! All fixed, going on vacation!" - Senator Harry Reid
Soon enough, anyone with two cows will be imprisoned for hoarding cows.
Under socialism, millions die of hunger.
Under capitalism, millions die of obesity.
You have no right to that carrot while millions are starving under socialism!
I don't think I've seen nmewn and pods post something on the same thread after my few years posting here. Am I missing a deep ZH thing here?
Regarding the cows, I love it. Upon further reflection, fascism would be the state kills both cows and milks you females.
edit: getting bored and will be playing warthunder for awhile, join generallee34 to squad up
"I don't think I've seen nmewn and pods post something on the same thread after my few years posting here. Am I missing a deep ZH thing here?"
No and yes. Nothing deep, we've been on the same thread when I had a day off (from work...lol). His free time is in the day from what I can tell.
I won't speak for pods but as for myself, he and I see eye to eye on some things, not so much on others...yet...have a mutual respect for each other.
No one is compelled to agree on everything with anyone here and we don't, not on everything, just the important things in my estimation.
I think nmewn and pods work shifts. In any case I like their posts.
Obesity really wasn't an issue until gummint started fucking around with the food pyramid, and subsidizing specific crops, which created surpuses that had to be unloaded on the unsuspecting consumers, who were educated by Timer on Saturday mornings, about what to eat.
So no...not capitalism.
Technocopianism - You have two cows who are almost too old and boney to produce and about to die but you don't worry because you are certain that someone is just about to invent some amazing new "disruptive" tech that produces milk and hamburgers out of thin air so all is good.
Seems like there is always some milking going on...
Do bulls count?
I think it's time we stop hearing about your damn cows!
Boobism:
You have 2 cows but don't know how to milk them.
There is a milk shortage and milk prices are kinda high, but no one is complaining.
The printing press massively lowers interest rates.
Banks rush to make cow improvement loans.
You get a loan on the cows and hire someone who knows how to milk them. This is somewhat profitable.
You get a loan to borrow cows and hire people to milk them. Profits are falling but sales are up.
You get a loan to ipo and then another to buy back your stock.
You have a mansion and a yatch.
Milk prices collapse, the gov. printing press runs low on ink, cow loans go to the junk/default pile, your business shuts down.
You have two cows, a mansion, a yatch, a trophy wife, and several billion you made using your stock sale money to short your company and milk futures.
udder crap
See in leavemethefuckaloneisum you can do whatever the fuck you want to with your cows.
Any-ting?
So long as its your cow. Go as ye will I say.
ZeroHedgism:
You have 2 cows and while you are online debating whether it is better to trade them for Gold or Bitcoin, the Joos sneak in and steal them.
Bullocks and Kine, They only want Bullocks and Kine not cows. They probably can get them to convert so they might steal the cows just to try it.
ROTF, LMAO.
Terroristism
You got 2 cows from a foreign sugar daddy. Your neighbor who looked at you funny the other day also got 2 cows. You commit jihad on eachothers cows. Your homes are rubble. You decide to take a very long walk.
You missed an "o" or two
In the beauracatism example, did the cow who was shot actually die? If not, she might be pissed!
Never underestimate a mad cow.
That's not our problem - that's a German problem.
We cows have feelings too!
Hillary C
Bureaucracy: Milk production is subsidized however, cows are declared an invasive and endangered species, as well as a source of pollution. Hunting them (except by the bureacracy) is declared illegal until the effects can be studied, and hunting permits can be issued.
Milk is declared a toxin unless it has been put through rigorous processes to kill all living organisms it contains. Anybody who trys to sell unapproved products will themselves be milked, cows shot, and milk thrown out. The milk dumping ground will be declared a Superfund Site.
This little piggy went to Wall Street.
This little piggy stayed in Hollywood.
This little piggy owned the media.
This little piggy bribed congress.
This little piggy stole land from Palestineans
and he called it his home.
You have 3 Americans.
One of them calls for a tax revolt.
The other 2 sit there like dumb fucking fucks watching football.
While they're cheering on their favorite color like infants watching cartoons,
a Jew bastard steals the farm out from under their ignorant noses.
You have 2 cows.
One of them votes Democrat, the other votes Republican.
Jew cunt steals milk from both.
But what you really have is 316 million cows
and 22 Jews with briefcases who need to eat kosher.
American citizen:
You have 535 cows...
you shoot them all.
Two Cows and Academic Neighbors:
One farmer has two cows. His neighbor has none. Nearby, there is a Liberal Arts University. The 1st farmer sells milk and cream to the university, where the cream goes into the faculty's coffee.
The faculty at the university, concerned over the disparity in wealth of the two farmers, lobbies the government to remedy this disparity. The government eliminates the wealth disparity by taking one cow from the 1st farmer and giving it to the 2nd farmer.
Then the faculty become concerned about Global Warming, and become terribly alarmed that the 2 local cows emit Methane when they fart. Since Methane is an even more potent Greenhouse Gas than Carbon Dioxide, the faculty now lobbies the government to enact Climate Change Control measures. The Minister in Charge of Climate Change takes up the cause, and imposes The Climate Change Control Cow Fart Tax to make the miscreant farmers pay for the damage that their cows are doing to the environment, and to save the Earth from extermination of species, loss of glaciers, floods, droughts, hurricanes, tornadoes, and all other manner of environmental mayhem. The Climate Change Control Cow Fart Tax is so high that it is no longer economically viable to keep cows for dairy herds, and commercial dairy herds disappear quickly, but the two farmers are rather fond of their pet cows, and keep them anyhow. Not satisfied with the two farmers'response to the Climate Change Control Cow Fart Tax, the faculty goes on a campaign of public agitation against the farmers whose cows threaten to wreak havoc on the Earth, and soon the farmers are besieged with mass demonstrations at their farm gates, hate mail, demands for explanations why they are so cavalierly risking Life On Earth just because they want to make money selling milk and cream from an Enslaved Sentient Species (Cows).
The farmers reluctantly send their cows off to the slaughterhouse.
The faculty now cannot find cream from any local source for their coffee. They consider imported cream, but that too would involve cow farts from other members of the Enslaved Sentient Species (Cows), and may have come from a country that does not share the views of the faculty on Political Correctness, Feminism, Neomodernism, Environmentalism, Ageism, Freedom of Religion, etc., so imported cream is ruled out. They try going without cream in their coffee, and find that to be an infringement of their Academic Freedom and a Breach of the Articles of their Faculty Appointments.
So, the faculty turn to artificial whitener for their coffee, but soon are told that artificial whiteners contain hydrogenated plant oils, petroleum products, animal residue, and artificial sweeteners and dyes. In horror, the faculty stop using artifical whiteners.
In the meantime, students in the dorms have gone without milk to drink and milk for their morning cereal, but since their Progressive Professors have told them that they must forego milk to save Life On Earth, the students accept the removal of milk as a necessary sacrifice, and drink carbonated sugar drinks instead, ignoring the Carbon Dioxide content of these drinks.
Faced with threats of strike action by faculty, the university lobbies the government to provide funding for the university's Faculty of Biology to develop a Genetically Modified Cow that provides milk and cream without producing Methane or Carbon Dioxide. Funds are provided, and progress is being made on a cow that consumes only petroleum, and does not breathe (well, it may inhale, but not exhale). Unfortunately, the milk from the new cow has an oily taste, forms a slick on top of the coffee, and causes the users to have great flatulence, but the faculty has embraced it as representing great progress in Saving Life On Earth.
bloody ripper summary!! ;-)
laughcrying
++++++1000
merry xmas
Two cows under the UN's Agenda 21...they kill the two cows to stop climate change, tax the meat to the rich...then they starve your kids to death to reduce the world population to 500 million.
One of those cows has to be Von Mises and his "golden calf" !