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Sri Lankan Government Official Busted For "Smuggling Gold Bars In Rectum"
Amid ongoing efforts by Indian authorities to monetize (read confiscate) the citizenry's precious metals (which we most recently detailed as an utter failure here and here), it appears the current suppressed low prices for gold have reignited demand and thus smuggling. Following the biggest seizure of smuggled gold earlier this year, The Guardian reports a 42-year-old-man, claiming to be a government official, was caught smuggling$15,000 of gold bars (hidden in his rectum) after police noted him "walking suspiciously."
The man, now arrested on suspicion of smuggling, claimed to be Coordinating Secretary to the Ministry of Post, Postal Services and Muslim Religious Affairs.
More than 70 people have been arrested for smuggling gold in 2015 alone.
Seeing that the man was 'walking suspiciously,' airport security stopped to search him, custom's spokesman Leslie Gamini told the BBC.
Officials found 400g of gold, in the form of four bars, hidden in his rectum.
The gold is reportedly worth around two million Sri Lankan rupees ($15,000)
As The Guardian details, the latest apparent smuggling attempt follows a series of other incidents this year where people have concealed gold in their bodies. Officials said more than 70 people have been arrested this year for smuggling gold in Sri Lanka.
Smugglers typically buy gold from places where the precious metal is relatively cheap and where there are fewer trade restrictions, such as Dubai and Singapore, aiming to sell it on in India – the largest gold consumer in the world. The import duty for gold in India is high: currently 10% for a 100g bar.
Overall consumption was at 642 tonnes in India this year. Chinese consumption stood at 579 tonnes, according to the Thomson Reuters GMFS gold survey. “A fall in prices of gold in the recent months has been one of the reasons for the increased demand for gold in India,” Jayant Sinha, minister of state for finance, told local media.
When India first started trying to control gold imports in 2013, in an attempt to tackle a widening trade deficit, smugglers went to the extent of getting human mules to swallow nuggets or hiding gold bars in dead cows.
Earlier this year, police in the western state of Gujarat said they had made the single biggest seizure of gold smuggled into India after arresting six people attempting to leave an airport with 60kg of the metal flown in from Dubai.
In India, smugglers risk a jail term of up to seven years, although such a penalty is rare and the main deterrent is confiscation of the gold.
And, as we recently noted, while the government continues to wonder why gold-holders aren’t flocking to offload their gold. But not to worry, it will eventually make sure any scheme works:
“A finance ministry official said if banks fail to win over temples, the government could intervene directly as it is looking for a big boost to the scheme to keep both imports and the current account deficit under control.”
Shades of 1933 all over again. One would imagine that outright gold confiscation from Hindu temples would result in massive protests and quite a bit of bloodshed. And while most rational people would assume that the government would be smart enough to avoid doing something so drastically stupid, this is the same government that developed the cockamamie gold monetization scheme in the first place. Never underestimate the idiocy of government bureaucrats, especially when those bureaucrats are trying to save face.
Let’s hope for the sake of the Indian people that their government learns its lesson and quietly shelves its futile attempts to monetize private gold holdings. If it really wanted to monetize gold, it would end any restrictions on the importation, transfer, and use of gold as money and allow markets to determine what money they wanted to use. Control is hard to give up, but the Indian economy would be far better off with gold as money instead of rupees.
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"Seeing that the man was 'walking suspiciously,' airport security stopped to search him, custom's spokesman Leslie Gamini told the BBC."
If it walks like a duck........it must be a gold smuggler. Just don't ask him where the pretty is. :-)
<The unanswered question is if customs went in after the gold or did they allow it to 'pass'?>
Just fucken great; I get on a plane and they fondle my balls, I get off a plane, and have a bout of "urgent diarrhea" that sends me "walking suspiciously", and in a HURRY, to the nearest bathroom and the motherfuckers are going to tackle my ass and go all Gaddafi on me..just fucken great.
Molon Labe... Oh Wait!
I wonder if he was smiling when they pulled it out?
I'll bet he didn't say "Thank you!".
I sure hope they don't kill him; after that duck incident you'd think they'd take great care of him.
Are they sure he knew it was there?
Any chance we can get a detailed listing of his diet?
I've heard turning lead into gold was hard, but shit into gold...WOW!
Damn, I'm going to have to start running a metal detector over my toilet before I flush.
See Gold Poop Say Let's Scoop
Now we know why those pictures of guys handling gold always showed them with white gloves....
Sounds like a case of sexual discrimination to an American Civil Rights lawyer. The man could've had "sexual stimulants" in his rectum, and to help massage the prostate. Sue. For 69 million Rupees.
Reggie would like the man's contact information.
about 60x32x14mm so not tlarge at all. obama couldn't smuggle a Roosevelt dime up his ass, it would keep falling out.
And the agent who found the gold bars is now known as Goldfinger.
"And the agent who found the gold bars is now known as Goldfinger"
Ah, probably more like "Stinky Finger", or maybe they just call him Jeb?
truly a h'anus crime
Years ago, a comedian on the topic of Homosexuality:
“I can’t understand how one man looks at another mans hairy ass and finds love?”
Me neither; but if it’s packed with gold? Well now, that’s a different bowel of cereal.
Sam Kinneson
Damn near killed him.
That'll teach him to use his ass to smuggle shit.
You sure he didn't try to eat it?
Fucking Cavity Creeps!
That is one expensive piece of ass.
In this case, barbarous.
This is what our TSA body scanners are all about in reality. No more opt-out for you, motherfucker!
Got sent into a scanner a couple years ago. Told me to raise my hands in the traditional double bird. Got pulled out for suspicious items in my pocket.
Two silver eagles I forgot to dump in with the change.
TSA didn't know what they were. I explained that I always carry two eagles just in case everything goes to shit.
They thought they were cool and let me get my shit back on.
Now, if those had been gold eagles I imagine they would have been confiscated (stolen under color of fabricated law)
That situation is PooBAR.
Totally. Dude's shitting bricks...
"Totally. Dude's shitting bricks..."
GOLD BRICKS motherfucker! GOLD!
> There's gold in them there hills BOYS!
> The man with the Golden Rectum!
FILL IN THE BLANK:
I wonder, when he farts, if it smells like ______________?
Jasmine rice with curried gold?.......
BO would have been able to smuggle that gold no problem.
By the many arms of Vishpu, may his sphincter burn with the fires of judgement!
I think that's Part 2. First the long arm of the law has it's way again to retrieve the 'contraband.' OUCH!
I don't see the problem here. Why assume he's a smuggler? Has anyone asked the man if this was perhaps prescribed by his doctor? Medicine looks and works differently in the East, I'm told, and we shouldn't be too quick to judge.
Safe zone.
Anal weights. Pucker. Release. Pucker. Release.
Meanwhile posession is 9/10s of the law.
If I shove a penny in my ass, walk funny, and cross into Canada, does that make me a smuggler?
A Customs Duty evader, but not necessarily a smuggler...
Too bad Hillary wasn't on the flight, he could have asked to shove it in...oh, geesh, never mind "too digusting", nope, nope, "too digusting".
"...Coordinating Secretary to the Ministry of Post, Postal Services and Muslim Religious Affairs" clearly a man well worthy of his title and the elasticity of his sphincter muscle! ;-)
Yeah, I wonder if he is interested in a canoeing adventure. Two birds with one brick.
Are you talking about a "Deliverance" type canoe trip?
No, more like a boat anchor canoe accident.
"Are you talking about a "Deliverance" type canoe trip?"
More like "Deliveranpound"...ha,ha...trying to "Deliverapound" got him an "Asspounding"..
This is one time that the smuggler wishes he had been more anal retentive.
So what do you call a bum steer that backfires?
a bullshitter?
For $85 dollars, he could of gotten away with the IRIS scanner check-in procedure. Another big hole within security check. I chuckle during scans, my starched shirts will create a blob on camera. I joke with TSA and tell them my dry cleaner gives me reward points to receive extra starch. They start laughing. It breaks the ice.
https://www.tsa.gov/tsa-precheck/apply
Crime, punishment done, Now can you walk?
I think you'll find that most Siree Lankan's walk funny. It's the bum wrap!
The bankers in Sri Lanka have a more sophisticated approach to smuggling. They have gold bars surgically implanted in their ball Sachs.
I sold some AU today for G&A. Better "Store of value".
And with more 'barbarous' utility too.
p.s. I've never seen such a large selection of Au and Ag in years. So much for a run on PM at low prices.
Damn! It's all fun and games until you get your asshole cored out by a airport employee. Is there a grip trainer product for making your bum sphincter a vise or what? That's pretty impressive, I hope it still works for the fella.
Imagine the scene in the inspection area:
Customs Agent #1: "Sir, please remove your pants"
Customs Agent #1: "Now, bend over upon this table"
Customs Agent #1: "Ok, now, Bob, reach in there and see what the problem is".
Customs Agent #2/Bob: "Fuck you, you reach in there!"
Customs Agent #1: "I'm ordering you to reach in there!"
Customs Agent #2/Bob: "Fuck YOU!"
Customs Agent #2/Bob: "Sir what is in your ass!"
Smuggler: "$15,000 worth of gold"
Customs Agents #1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 beat each other senseless..Bob wins...FINDERS KEEPERS BITCHEZ!
So, is this going to be featured in an episode of "Locked Up Abroad?" Just wondering...
Was that the one starring Rick James?
Locked Up A Broad.
Don't forget about the two Japanese guys smuggling $300 billion in bonds thru airport. Artificial paper wealth smugglers.
No One Knows Truth About $300 Billion Bonds From Alleged Crash
I feel sorry for the poor sap who was ordered to climb up there to remove it.
$15,000 is about the size of a roll and a half of quarters.
I am going to walk thru with a black dildo up my asshole. And the gold in my pockets. They will never figure it out.
Lol, I was just thinking that life can be rather dull sometimes and perhaps I should put a few pennies in my ass next time I go to the airport.
Stick a lump of coal up your ass. Tell them if they just wait a while, it will become a diamond.
Shitty situation...
Wash your gold with bleach! You don't know where its been!
hey. at least gold is hypo-allergenic....right?
Ouch...eww...oh...ouch...oh my....ack...ouch
Who wants this crappy gold anyway?
his ass was draggin'
or how 'bout "shit a brick"?....................
Dumb fuck, you're supposed to sew it into your clothes!
007's Latest Adventure......."Iiiiiiit's the crab-walk of death for Mr. Gold-Sphincter!".....*Wah-wah-wah*
He might have been able to talk his way out of it had it been silver. You know, antibiotic, antiviral properties and all...
Now the airports will have a new policy where after you have been groped and radiated you must do 20 jumping jacks.
If it were a woman, I even regarded this golden ass!
Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
Were they Credit Scheisse bars?
Cut him a break
He tried his best to avoid an import duty
Next time he shove it up his urethra
TSA can enjoy some golden showers
"I'M" not walking right after that mental image.
The dude went to the airport and definitely lost his ass. I have to admire his affection for PM's though.
I don't think I have it in me to shove a monster box of ASE's up my ass, butt as for my commie gun hating next door neighbor, it's worth a try on him..... I'll get him some "helping hands" from the local YMCA and give it a shot.
My protected territory has been free of intrusions for a lifetime other than my Asian doctor's small finger and the occasional colonscopy under drugs. If you have to "carry", I'd say 1/10th ounce coins at most. Perhaps my gay neighbors could handle a kilo, but I'll sew my PM's into my overcoat before trying that nonsense.
All that trouble for peanuts in the elites' economy.
Bitcoin
Why isn't a guy allowed to stick gold wherever he wants. Can't the government just leave us alone.
Shouldn't let just anyone stick their tungsten your anus...
"[...] smuggling $15,000 of gold bars (hidden in his rectum) after police noted him "walking suspiciously.""
Customs official: "Well, he was mincing down the hallway and I heard a clanking sound coming from his ass"
I knew the comedy on this thread wouldnt dissapoint.
When I flew out of Boston my fiancee had 16 oz bottle of medicated cream. TSA chem tested it and let her through with it. Since I was with her they checked my bag which had a bottle of really nice booze from a local distillery. They said they had to confiscate it or check it in.
I said wait a second, you just allowed my fiancee through with 16 oz of medicated cream why dont you chem test the booze? Some fat nasty bitch walked off with it. Next time I am going to piss in one. Maybe I should take a que from this Indian dude and shove it up my ass a little too.
Was that a typo? Did you mean 10% import duty or 10% import doody?