2016's "How To Make A Fortune" Cookie

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Anyone for Chinese?

 

 

Source: Townhall.com

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Fri, 01/08/2016 - 15:58 | 7018665 Tursas
Tursas's picture

LOL!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:01 | 7018679 Croesus
Croesus's picture

I'd rather see it invested into rope...the kind that fits around the necks of politicians. 

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:02 | 7018688 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

All this and they're devaluing the yuan.  Krugman must be flabbergasted!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:05 | 7018708 Croesus
Croesus's picture

@ Soul Glow: 

I'm sure Krugman will have a well-reasoned argument for why "Fucking things up, is a good thing". He sure does earn his $7M a year, doesn't he? 

Another example of why Rope will be "the" investment of the 21st Century. 

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:07 | 7018728 Gen.Ackbar
Gen.Ackbar's picture

IT's a Trap!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:11 | 7018758 kiwimail
kiwimail's picture

I see what you did there!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:31 | 7018879 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

<-- long drop

<-- short drop

 

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:46 | 7018956 zvzzt
zvzzt's picture

indeed! Best of all, never "overbought", inflated or bubble-like. Always more demand for that rope than supply

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:57 | 7019026 Angel_Eyes
Angel_Eyes's picture

Check this legitimate ways to mak? money from home, working on your own time and being your own boss... Join the many successful people who have already used the system. Only reliable internet connection needed, no prior experience neccessary, that's why where are here. Start here... www.wallstreet34.com

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:59 | 7019276 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

To be honest, I'm not making all that much fapping for a webcam.

Maybe I need a better storyline.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:00 | 7018678 KnuckleDragger-X
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

BOHICA now......

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:01 | 7018682 Newbie lurker
Newbie lurker's picture

-200 was so close :(

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:02 | 7018687 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

The wrap up is a riot.  China only dropped 10% this week.  Umm, let's see.  China shut down on multiple days when the 7% circuit breakers kicked in and they disappeared a bunch more people but yeah it only dropped 10%.  Did the guy say oversold???  Oversold, really?  Go buy a new iPhone and then eat at a Chipolte all while wearing a GoPro. rinse and repeat.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:11 | 7018760 DetectiveStern
DetectiveStern's picture

Remove the GoPro before the inevitable trip to the toilet.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:04 | 7018701 xrxs
xrxs's picture

'May you live in interesting times'

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:08 | 7019084 pakled
pakled's picture

#3 of a 3 part curse...

 

#2: May the authorities become aware of you

 

#1: May you find what you're looking for

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:42 | 7019210 Tyrone Shoelaces
Tyrone Shoelaces's picture

My favorite:

"That wasn't Chicken"

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 18:11 | 7019259 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

My favorite:  "Don't take advice from fortune cookies"

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 18:02 | 7019283 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Even the chicken ain't really chicken.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:07 | 7018729 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

That's funny, who's bond's exactly? This time is different in so much as this time it is GLOBAL WEIMAR!

How did the Weimar republic's bonds do when all those paper promises started seeking out REAL assets?

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:10 | 7018748 Niall Of The Ni...
Niall Of The Nine Hostages's picture

They made great wallpaper I hear.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:13 | 7018772 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Yep. The oligarchs, financiers, and their political class where not satisfied just fucking over individual countries so they forced us all into a "global market" to fuck us all.

They use to be able to leave the fucked over country for another. Now that they fucked the planet, where do they think they will run to? Jump your fuckers!!!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:46 | 7018959 Niall Of The Ni...
Niall Of The Nine Hostages's picture

You'd be surprised. The master class have probably never numbered more than 30,000 in all, and not all of them are household names.

There will always be ways to disappear for those who are serious about not being found, and are willing to pay for the privilege.

Not to mention there will always be places in this world where the local gentry are willing to make room for well-heeled emigres, and not ask embarrassing questions about where the emigres' money came from.

By all accounts Singapore is lovely.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:03 | 7019061 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Sure, but the real assets and productive capacity is what it is.

I wonder what Singapore would look like if the water and energy was shut down for a month or two.

A rural planatation with a dependable, well-armed tribe is a better bet IMO. We have been farming 35,000 acres and our home, 2,200 acres is paid off. Should the SHTF I don't really worry about the "tax man". I know my neighbors and all my employees (most veterans) very well. If shit really goes to hell, collecting or paying taxes will be the least of your worries.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:43 | 7019213 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Good on ya LOP.

Sounds like a man/men with a plan.

With 35K acres, you're not using a mantis.

What about fuel?

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:10 | 7018744 Niall Of The Ni...
Niall Of The Nine Hostages's picture

"Short cat food."

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:17 | 7018799 The Dogs of Moar
The Dogs of Moar's picture

No one needs a fortune cookie to learn how this is going to turn out.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:20 | 7018827 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Ho li Fuk
How much did they took

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:21 | 7018834 silentboom
silentboom's picture

"Man with itchy buttock wake up with smelly finger" - Chinese Proverb

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:47 | 7018968 zvzzt
zvzzt's picture

"man with woman with ichy front bits, also wake up with smelly finger" - Chinese Regional Proverb

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 21:06 | 7018863 James TraffiCan't
James TraffiCan&#039;t's picture

Fortune Cookies are made in America, so was this mess we're finally in...started by America. Fucking Fed!

 

Bean me up Jim, "Fuck the Scotch, grab the 100 year Bourbon!

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 16:38 | 7018895 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

Should I put it all into junk?

http://junkrigassociation.org/resources/SiteAlbums/1131445/preview/Hongk...

Or how about just the bonds that are going to default?

For those of you that down voted my comment on getting out of your houses now before you're under water or taxed through the roof here is just 1 of the many alternatives. Be creative.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:48 | 7019232 Pumpkin
Pumpkin's picture

Well, if you have enough cash to matter. 

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 17:53 | 7019252 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

"Put it all in bonds"?

Oh shit, I thought it said, "put it all in BLONDS".

Oh well, too late now.

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 18:08 | 7019308 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

No kidding.

And mine is starting to go silver. I ask her "What good is a blonde who isn't blonde anymore?"

She said " I dunno."

I says "Still blonde enough."

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 18:56 | 7019479 redux2redux
redux2redux's picture

"Help, I am a prisoner in a chinese fortune cookie factory"

Fri, 01/08/2016 - 21:33 | 7020128 honestann
honestann's picture

One cool business idea I had years ago was to create a fortune-cookie company that created a few lines of hilarious, outrageous, perhaps even offensive fortune-cookies.

Maybe the brand name should be something like "Just In Jest Products" or something (with that name on every fortune somewhere) to prevent those who are too thin skinned from enjoying them.

I still think that would be a cool company to start and run.  I suppose this is one of those ideas that could either "totally fizzle" or "go exponential".  Quite possibly bags of products would sell like hotcakes over the internet.  The question is, would enough restaurants be bold enough to try this.  I suppose the company could have a "flattery" line too, for thin skinned customers.

As a high-tech gal, a cookie company isn't exactly down my line.

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