The United States Of Crazy Laws

Tyler Durden's picture

Presented with no comment... apart from Arizona wins!


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Source: The Burning Platform blog

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tarabel's picture



I seem to recall that it is illegal to speak English in Chicago.

Not kidding. A real law.


Minions's picture
Minions (not verified) tarabel Jan 30, 2016 9:47 PM

I think they should ban Satan too, but no one can find him but us. Where is Satan now? HaHaHa >>

Number 9's picture

Satan is heading up the Free Masons.. everybody knows that.

peddling-fiction's picture

@Number 9

And sadly their claws are dug deep into too many organizations all over the world.


Father Thyme's picture
Father Thyme (not verified) peddling-fiction Jan 30, 2016 11:57 PM



(Speaking of Mason's jars.)

Tom Servo's picture

It's illegal in Florida for an unmarried man and woman to live in the same house.




piliage's picture

One of the oddest 'worst' laws was the dueling law in California. As long as you weren't a paid politician, it made dueling legal and lowered the time in jail served for, essentially, committing murder to 1 - 4 years, as most of the penalties of the law were specifically targeted at banning people from holding public office if they engaged in a duel.

It was intended to have the opposite effect, stop politicians from killing each other in duels. However, in practice, it made murder a much lesser crime as long as you could say it was committed in the context of a duel.

The law was taken off the books in 1994, I believe with many of the laws around frog jumping as well, so I'm not sure if this article is accurate.

chumbawamba's picture

I figured the frog-jumping thing was a local ordinance of Calaveras County, where that event takes place.  But man, it would be really nice to have that duelling law still in effect.


two hoots's picture

Sunset Laws are the only way to purge old laws.  A law which states at a given date all previous laws are dead.  Do it one agency at a time:   IRS we could start anew eliminating all loop-holes and unfair advantages and keeping it fair and simple. Have the new laws ready at the end of the Sunset Law.  This is the only way we can change the system as a new president changes chairs not laws.

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

I'm sorry, but the Arizona one seems a lot like the one from South Carolina. Now the one from Iowa...., well, it seems to make sense, especially tomorrow.

o r c k's picture

Santana ?  Uhh, Woodstock.

stant's picture

In kentucky you can't put a ice cream cone in your back pocket. At one time it's how horse thieves worked . Ain't stealing if it followed ya home. Still on the books.

Moe Howard's picture

Also all Kentuckians must take a bath once a year. Not a joke.

lincolnsteffens's picture

Well it certainly is about time. It was getting pretty bad!

divingengineer's picture

Don't laugh, the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky.Otherwise it would have been called a teeth brush.


Tom Servo's picture

Funny, i heard the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia for the same reasons lol


SWRichmond's picture

The most unconstitutionally-created state.  It's creation from Virginia (and thus its existence) is specifically prohibited by the Constitution, as if anyone cares about that document:

New States may be admitted by the Congress into this Union; but no new States shall be formed or erected within the Jurisdiction of any other State; nor any State be formed by the Junction of two or more States, or parts of States, without the Consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned as well as of the Congress.

New_Meat's picture

SWR: ya gotta' add Maine to your list, and it was a bunch earlier.  Since VA had seceded at that time, its leddislature didn't have standing ;-)

True Blue's picture

Don't forget the hypocrisy of W. Va.

If Virginia was not allowed to secede from the Union; then why were the western counties allowed to secede from Virginia?

Of course, if it was Right for 13 Colonies to secede from England....

Zero Point's picture

Once a year. Whether they need it or not!

Bay Area Guy's picture

I'm jailed for life in North Dakota.

DumpsterFire's picture

The penalty is not jail.  It is having a penis drawn on your face with permanent marker.

mosfet's picture

One more crazy law for ya - It's illegal for you to report crimes committed by your own governement.

I need more asshats's picture

In 'merica is in cast iron bathtub safest place to sleep.


yogy999's picture

Where is Boris on this thread? I miss Boris.


NoDebt's picture

We're all guilty of something these days.  Fom the minute we wake up to the minute we go to sleep the average American technically breaks 7 laws.  It's just a matter of whether they choose to throw you in jail for it.

Avoid Sauron's gaze.


peddling-fiction's picture

Sauron´s gaze is enabled on your smartphone, smart-tv, notebook and his presence is enabled through the internet-of-thingees.

Also, Sauron is checking up on your social media and ZeroHedge updates and making sure our children watch and learn all sorts of nasty stuff.

yogy999's picture

You are so right on.......and that way we can all be nailed with 'something' whenever they want.

XitSam's picture

Bah. Tyler, please cite the statue for Arizona.

__Usury__'s picture
__Usury__ (not verified) i-dog Jan 30, 2016 10:01 PM

i-dog, havent seen you in a koons age..........nice to see you

i-dog's picture

Cheers. I still look in often, but most of the comments leave me speechless.

Deathrips's picture

If you look at the bottom of the infograph its from a nazarene college, not tylers.

If you are curious..please feel free to do your won homework. :)


Have a nice day.



SuperRay's picture

Is that a problem?  I think the tylers spend more time looking for substance, and post stuff like this just for fun.  Thank god.

Normalcy Bias's picture

Illinois youngsters, sign up for cooking classes and you're legal to drink! (Do they teach culinary classes in High Schools?)

I foresee mayhem related to this law!

New_Meat's picture

Don't teach much in the way of firearms safety in IL either.

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Where have I seen this before?  

Oh yeah, it was on a place mat at Denny's about 30 years ago.

GeoffreyT's picture

Adultery is still illegal in 21 (or 23, depending on who you ask) American states, and despite Lawrence v Texas (539 U.S. 558 [2003]), sodomy remains a felony in most of the South (and Utah): laws against sodomy are a proxy for an explicit law against homosexuality, having been upheld until Lawrence as constitutional (most recently in Bowers v. Hardwick 478 U.S. 186 [1986]).

There are stupid laws elsewhere - but the internet story that here in Australia it is illegal to have pornography with small-breasted actresses (on the basis that it might incite child porn? WTF?) is false.

Ms No's picture

That's biased for big tittied bitches.  They should create an alliance.  Big tittied sluts for justice! It aint gonna happen if their aint no flappin!  Or is it the other way around, meh.  

OldPhart's picture

Small titties are nice, but every once in a while guys like to play telephone.

Youngsters, imagine an earpiece and a microphone...

detached.amusement's picture

its more about the size of the ass connected to 'em - explosions or flapjack attacks can get scary

Golden Showers's picture

Here at my Bed and Breakfast we encourage all these things. In fact; they're mandatory! Oh, and you can tend my garden with less than a 4 foot hoe handle. Leave the Butt Sex for DC, though, you pederasts!

Yen Cross's picture

 I think No-Debt, pretty much, hit the nail, "On The Head".

 We're all Soviets, and just don't realize it.

 All these retired Lifeguards, Meter Mollly's, CalPers hats, Politicians <State Assembly> Civic Inspectors, law enforcement officials, are going to get eaten for lunch.

 The very system they supported, will be their demise. Thanks Moon Beam.

adr's picture

I'm going to start tossing pickles on the ground in Connecticut. If they don't bounce I won't pay for them, cause it's not a pickle if it don't bounce. False advertising.

I always loved the getting fish drunk law in Ohio. Isn't it called marinating?

Also, patent leather shoes are illegal to wear in Ohio. You might use them to look up a woman's skirt.

Normalcy Bias's picture

Washington's law is a total waste of time. We all know that sasquatch's abound, yet they can only be photographed like UFO's - at a distance and with cameras with shitty resolution.

So, how in the hell are they ever going to convict anyone of that offense?

Chuckster's picture

Dear Norm:

I think sasquatchs are legal as long as they don't fornicate.