And Now "Some Important News About JPMorgan's New Cash Policies"

Tyler Durden's picture

Want to deposit cash at JPMorgan Chase? Then prepare to be treated if not like a criminal, then certainly a suspect of a very serious crime. The charge: being in possession of that "barbarous relic" known as cash.

Soon, as cash becomes increasingly frowned upon, cash deposits will be slowly but surely phased out in their entirety forcing those few savers left in Obama's grand economic "recovery" experiment, to engage in commerce only in a way that allows the government to keep track of every single transaction.

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Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) Feb 5, 2016 5:47 PM

"papers please!"

ThaBigPerm's picture

I, for one, welcome our new implated chip overloards....




xrxs's picture

+1.  That's xrxs.  X-R-X-S.

Stackers's picture

This is an old policy. Have not been able to do this over 1 year.


chunga's picture

I gotta ask. Why does anybody still do business with the Morgue?

Soul Glow's picture

Most people are idiots and don't know JPM is running the economy into the ground so an elite few can skim profits off of everyone else.

r00t61's picture

I once explained to a friend (a typical bleeding heart liberal) that JPMorgue makes billions administering the food stamp program, a textbook form of fascism.

With typical liberal outrage, "Oh, that's horrible!  We should do something about that!"

I suggested that she could start by closing her account at JPMorgue and banking somewhere else, e.g., a local credit union.

She agreed that this was a great idea and would look into it.

A year later, I happened to see her again.  The topic came up as she was withdrawing some cash from an ATM, a JPMorgue ATM, no less.

"I thought you were going to not bank at JPMorgue anymore."

"Oh, yeah," she said with typical liberal apathy.  "I got busy."

greatbeard's picture

>> to a friend

You refer to this person as a friend yet you appear to dispise her.  Could you be any more of a two faced hypocrite?

chunga's picture

That's nothing compared to somebody who believes the Hammonds deserved to be sent to prison twice on the trumped up terrism charge of poaching. (A charge that was only made by the bogus prosecutor)

847328_3527's picture

So what happens when Long Er Wong walks in with a suitcase of $200k cash for his down deposit for that $2 million McMansion? I don't read of many realtors interrogating the source of that Loot or loan officers for that matter.

Saddam Miser's picture

JP is one fucked up bank.   "bank"... lol i laughed when i typed that.

JRobby's picture

She was busy being a sheep like the millions of others. They enjoy getting their brains beat in and a 24/7 ass fucking. With the Prozac, etc., they don't even notice it.

WOW the big game is tomorrow!!!!! I think I will concuss myself to get in the mood

True Blue's picture

Or how about these two who filmed planned parenthood discussing organ sales? The Texas DA dropped the charges against PP and are charging the two who filmed it with using a fake ID and illegally purchasing organs!

swmnguy's picture

That happened because prosecutors and Grand Juries don't like being lied to and fed bogus "evidence." Texas Gov. Abbot picked a reliably partisan GOP right-wing, anti-abortion DA from Houston to indict PP, but the evidence was so obviously fake as to lead her to charge the fakesters.

Yes, it was a big surprise, indicative of how bad the fakery truly was.  Cleary that DA, working for that Gov., could see that taking that evidence into court would result in losing a case and even possible sanctions.

That kind of thing plays very well in partisan media, to people who already believe a certain way and want to see it confirmed.  It stands up very poorly to any sort of scrutiny.  And it really pisses off people who still believe in the system.

Look, we all know the "Liberal" side of the fence has plenty of corruption to it.  It's just not where the ideological Right wants it to be, to reinforce their agenda.  Unfortunately, sometimes there are honest differences of opinion.  This guy Daleiden, and James O'Keefe, are too lazy and dishonest to find the real corruption, so they make it up and fake it, and get their ideological allies in politics and the media to get their fakery all over before anyone has a chance to examine it.  And when they it is examined, it falls apart completely as obvious forgery.

This is as opposed to Michael Moore.  We can all hate him as much as we want.  We can disagree with him on his methods and his conclusions.  But nobody has ever gotten anywhere trying  to claim he has ever faked anything.

newdoobie's picture

I don't understand how recording slimy behavior is illegal. It wasn't like defamation, PP pukes actually said what was said. Daleiden and O'Keeefe didn't sue civilly did they?

Stuck on Zero's picture

The rules regarding cash deposits and withdrawals at the Venezuelan branches of JP Morgan:

- No deposits via dump trucks, caterpillar tractors, shipping containers, or 747 loads

- No withdrawals over 4 tons without a government ID or Cali cartel certificate

DanDaley's picture

Could you be any more of a two faced hypocrite?


Lincoln said when someone called him two-faced, he said: If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one?


But seriously, beard, you're a good guy, but quit being such a priggish ninny. Many of us have friends who are crazy liberals who ACT stupidly, but that doesn't mean that you HATE them, for Christ's sake. They can be nice people, just DTABOR (Dumber Than A Box Of Rocks).

cheeseheader's picture

Or, in the case of former Mayor of Ch'caga (son) Richie Daly, dumber than a fence post.  Ask anyone from the sout' side.


Ditto on the bearded hypocrite.

DanDaley's picture

Yeah, I'm from the south side, but during the reign of his old man...I know how those people operate.

USisCorrupt's picture

What I find even harder to understand is when members of my own family who have no clue as to what the real world is even like. Those who have gone through life never having a worry or want for anything seem to be blinded by the true reality and that nothing will ever change even when things are changing at warp speed. I can only take solice in that I am not the only one in that boat. Jim Willie often speaks of the same within his own family.

Soon very soon the Sheeple will understand one way or the other.

Tucson Tom's picture

Bribe everyone in sight,keep the blacks under foot and vote often.Same stuff for years and then go to mass on Sunday!!! They are getting what they deserve.

r00t61's picture

I was friends with her long before she became a bleeding heart liberal.  She was friends with me long before I became an insufferable Rothbardian.

I can point out the ketchup on her upper lip; I can tell her that her support of Hilary Clinton is one step above worshiping the Devil.

She can point out that my car is too old to impress girls; she can tell me that my having a CCL and carrying a sidearm everywhere I go is redneck stupid.

See, I can be friends with people, even if we don't agree on politics or religion. 

But I suppose that you don't have any friends, so this concept would never occur to you.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Don't worry about that douchebag.

Most of us understood exactly what you said, and why you said it.

USisCorrupt's picture

What scares me most of all is that if Hillary becomes President by a rigged election or by those that are so BRAIN DEAD as to even vote for her is that I will be moving to Hudson Bay, Canada and join the other 7% that have already left this Country. Sorry if you go by Governments numbers it is just 3.5%.

459873255's picture

Fuck your stupid commie guilt trip.

JRobby's picture

She was busy being a sheep like the millions of others. They enjoy getting their brains beat in and a 24/7 ass fucking. With the Prozac, etc., they don't even notice it.

WOW the big game is tomorrow!!!!! I think I will concuss myself to get in the mood

tmosley's picture

Only a complete idiot would keep a bank account with any of the big banks.

Friend of mine has a business that pulls a lot of checks. He hardly gets any off of Wells Fargo or BofA anymore.

29.5's picture

tmosley, serious Q... what happens to the people who keep cash in their mattress? They have to convert their illegal cash to physical necessities, right?

Nobody For President's picture

I regret that it was only 9 months ago I pulled my (regional) bank account and went with my local community credit union - should have done it 5 years ago, but I really liked the people at the relatively small regional bank. Then it got ate up by a bigger regional bank with aspirations, and they left town...

Fuck 'em, I may even wind up on the board of my local CCU, but not this year...

sleigher's picture

I switched to a credit union when I was about 20.  I "overdrew my savings" account at Wells Fargo.  Not checking...  Savings.  So I left.

I did try to get a savings account at Citibank after that.  The bank manager turned me down and said "It's a character issue".  I said fuck you as loud as I could. 

Went to the credit union down the street and never looked back.

newdoobie's picture

What are you? too good for the bank? lol


'Your character is too upstanding for our business young man! Good day sir. I said Good Day!'

sleigher's picture

Apparently at the time he didn't like the way I looked.  I was 20 and well...  Wasn't making the best decisions about some things.

459873255's picture

This is quietly understood in many business circles. I wish there was more talk about it.

459873255's picture

This is quietly understood in many business circles. I wish there was more talk about it.

kill switch's picture

As stupid as people are in the U.S. they will not give up their FRN's as it is cash to them.. The PTB fucked up on this one. Tell a trucker that is twenty is dog shit ,,,,hahaha good luck with that..This will spark a revolt...The trucker wants to take a girl to a hourly motel and has to use a credit card? FUCK THAT!!!

acetinker's picture

Ask my biz landlord.  She just re-upped her mortgage with them.  One of the requirements?

Force your tenants to pay rent via QuickPay.

She thinks it's wonderful!

Me?  Not so much.

ebworthen's picture

The pretty blue lights?  The numerous retail outlets with bright young deluded faces?

The backing of the FED?  The bank that subsumed Washington Mutual?

I'm holding Gold and Silver and hoping for the death of Chase and the FED.

Does that make me a Patriot or a Terrorist?

Fuck you Wall Street!

Fuck you D.C.!

any_mouse's picture

The "Bankers Pen" commercials were great.

WaMu was a nice group. CC holders had free access to FICO scroes. They had surcharge free ATMs in Jersey City by Journal Square.

Then JPM/Chase took over.

The Bankers had escaped the pen.


indygo55's picture



I logged in just to upvote you!

freelearner's picture

Yep.  I'm treasurer for a (very) small non-profit group and if I'm depositing so much as $10 cash along with $hundreds in checks, JPM won't do it without my ID, and it's been that way for more than a year.  They enter your driver's license number into their system like you might be up to something just because you're handling cash.

cynicalskeptic's picture

I know someone who had to provide ID for just breaking a $100 and a $50 bill.  He just wanted smaller bills and had accounts at the bank, they knew him on sight.

VegasBob's picture

I'd drop that bank ASAP!

RiverRoad's picture

I wonder long long 'til they chip us?

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

They're out to get the 95%.

If you have > $2,000 in an account with any of the banks, there are no account fees. Ditto for the checking account, if you get your pay as Direct Deposit.

If you have > $100,000 with the bank, they treat you real nice and wire transfers are free.

If you got > $1,000,000 with them, they go down on you, figuratively or literally.

It sucks to be poor.

TheDanimal's picture

I just use a credit union instead of banks. I don't pay fees, I am broke as shit too, and still they're really nice to me every time I go in. Their management doesn't have a conflict of interest between maximizing profits and providing great customer service because the customers are shareholders. It's really not that complicated. Quit your bitching and make the switch.

newdoobie's picture

Bankers lips will never touch my junk!

Enki Anu's picture

I give you 10% discount for payment in Silver for my services.

Chupacabra-322's picture

Either TPTB will ban it outright, which I doubt because it will piss off the Pure Evil Psychopaths at the CIA who depend on it for their Black Budget Destabilizatiin Campaings, Drug & Money Laundering, Murder Schemes


They'll devalue / hair cut you to a point incrementally where you won't want to hold worthless USD's and you'll be forced to buy into their next Ponzi SDR.