German Finance Minister Joins DB CEO, Says "Not Worried About Deutsche Bank"

Tyler Durden's picture

With Deutsche Bank credit risk exploding and stock price collapsing to record lows, despite the CEO's "rock solid" affirmations, there is only one way to know just how real a crisis this is... when government officials issue 'denials'.


German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble says he isn’t worried about Deutsche Bank.

“No, I have no concerns about Deutsche Bank,” Schaeuble says

Schaeuble comments to Bloomberg Television after press conference in Paris.

We suspect this is Schaeuble's "Contained" moment as markets - the ultimate arbiter of truth - tell a very different story...



So when does Schaeuble get "concerned?"

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Mohan's picture

Another Baghdad Bob.

VinceFostersGhost's picture worry?


Do I look worried?


Why would I be worried?


Looney's picture

Wolfgang Schaeuble is scared – this morning he jumped out of his wheelchair and has been running around the block ever since.  ;-)


Bumpo's picture

Wolfie, no one asked. Why do you offer? Scared little Biotch?

knukles's picture

Janet!?!?!??!  Where the fugz Janet?!?!?!?!

Come on, strong leadership like pronouncement about bazookas  That's what we need.
Where's Hankie Pankie's Big Assed Bazooka?

Arnold's picture

I am relieved to hear that only one division of Deutsche Bank is a Federal Reserve Primary Dealer.

Many have gone before them.

jaxville's picture

  How long before investors figure out that JPM has the same problem?  Lucky for JPM that a good portion of the OTC market is through a secretive Swiss bank.

Pool Shark's picture



“No, I have no concerns about Deutsche Bank,” Schaeuble says


"When it becomes serious, you have to lie." - Jean-Claude Juncker


NoDebt's picture

"Act casual everybody.  Act casual."

This is such horseshit.  Awful lot of nervous bankers trying to act like they're not nervous.  They should really just shut the hell up if everything is OK.  But they're not shutting up, are they?


Al Tinfoil's picture

"Douchebank is fine."

Riiiiiight.  Super Mario Draghi and FiFi Laguarde have everything under control, or, er, under the mattress, or something.  And the Junkman, the head of the European Commission, has had a long career in Luxemborg hiding money from tax authorities, so he will surely be able to hide such trifles as a few $Trillion in bad debts and sour derivatives.  He is reported to have said that when things get tough you have to lie, so having such an honest and trustworthy man in charge adds to the feeling that we can rest assured that nothing can go wrong in EuroFinanceland (registered copyright EuroDisney Inc).  Screeching Woman from the Fed and Dominique Straus-Con have added their assurances to those of LLoyd Blankmind from Wallet Street that all is well and truly stable in the Fiat dealership.  Just because DoucheBank lost a few $Billion last quarter is no reason to downgrade their shares, is it?

EVERYTHING IS AWESOME IN EUROPE.  Greece is living in peace and prosperity, Spain is stable and Catalonia is not trying to leave, there are no Non-Performing Loans on the books of the banks of Greece, Spain, Portugal, or Italy, all of the investments made by European banks in Brazil and the Balkans are in great shape, unemployment is nearly zero everywhere, Ukraine is a picture of economic and political stability and rumors of the neo-Nazis about to depose the Kiev government are not to be believed.  And the IMF will advance its next tranche to Kiev by next Tuesday when the Kiev government presents its irrefutable evidence that all corruption has disappeared from Ukraine and peace has broken out in their war with Lugansk and Donetsk.  Sanctions against Russia have been cancelled.  Turkey's President Erdogan has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for his great humanitarian deeds in Syria, where British and French forces hope to join in bombing the bejesus out of whomever the US has been bombing for a year there.  ISIS is holding friendly get-to-know you festivals throughout the Middle East and Europe, so anti-immigrant sentiments are disappearing fast.

In fact, things are so peaceful and stable in Europe that it is downright boring looking at the news and financial statistics.  NATO has announced that since Europe enjoys such good relations with all its neighbors that it is shutting down all operations and devoting all surplus cash on hand to garden parties and friendship festivals for Middle East migrants and mosque construction.  Swimming pools are welcoming single males from migrant/refugee centres to mingle with the girls and boys from local communities.


Anyone need a /sarc tag?   

(Please allow me to repeat this from a day ago)

Al Tinfoil's picture

From The Daily Shot February 9, 2016, showing just how awesome things are:

CheapBastard's picture

He's not worried probaby because he's already sold out  all his DB and DB-related investments and loaded up on gold.


He can comfortably sit back by his fireplace, and watch the Sheeples get financially slaughtered, as well as watch his German brethren get rapefugeed from his château am Rhine.

Nobody For President's picture

Beat me to it, Pool Shark - the instant I read the headline Jean-Claude's quote jumped into my head.

It is painfully obvious.

DB's derivitive exposure is the biggest, most non-secret black swan in  the financial world today, and that bitch is gonna be real hard to paper over as it starts to unravel.


Bail Ins For Everyone!

philipat's picture

Don't believe any rumor until it has been officially denied...So now we have proof?

FX223's picture
Yeehaw!!!  I gots me pitchfork, boiling up sum tar and a bag o chicken feathers.  Let's get it on!
philipat's picture

And if the people of Germany get "Bailed-in" after being raped by unwanted and (By the people) uninvited immigrants with "Sexual crises", I don't see this ending well....?

Glasnost's picture

Erm...didn't another government official do this with volkswagen?

knukles's picture

The finance minister protesteth too much, methinks.
(aka Kiss of Death)

Here we come!  Global International Banking Crisis Melt-Down! 

Next... banking liquidity crisis a la Lehman monemt.  Simply centered about the EU as the "core"

Next event.  DB can't find any liquidity.....   Ooooooppppssss!

Bail ins!

j0nx's picture

HAHA bail ins won't even make a ding on that balance sheet son. There will be no bail ins for something of this magnitude as there really wouldn't be much point in it.

Mr Pink's picture

Is today that -800 on the Dow day? It should be

AdolfSchicklgruber's picture

Don't say that shit out loud. Go look at the damn rocket ramp to green that just happened. They read our comments and like screwing with us over here.

thunderchief's picture

Yes, I too have no worries about things I know nothing about.


R.R.Raskolnikov's picture

Now it's time to panic!

Cautiously Pessimistic's picture

Nothing to see here.  Please disperse.....  Wink, wink.  Nod, nod.....

Bill of Rights's picture

The Rats are scurrying around at the cheese...

WasNotWuz66's picture

that is sitting on the trap.............

Truth Eater's picture

“No, I have no concerns about Deutsche Bank,” Schaeuble says


What he means is he doesn't own any DB stock.

knukles's picture

Don't forget:  Schaeuble's an Asshole

Ghordius's picture

knukles, very interesting, but why do you think so? inquiring minds and all that


Al Tinfoil's picture

Or, maybe, Wolfie saw this coming long ago, and thinks the demise of DB will be part of the great meltdown of Merkel that lets Wolfie wheel into the top dog spot of German/EU politics?

CrabbyR's picture

Yah he sold his DB stocks yesterday

Grandad Grumps's picture

Where's Waldo? Is he wearing the boots?

philipat's picture

I think you meant "Where's Wolfgang"??

Debugas's picture

oh boy

this shit is ready to hit the fan

Grandad Grumps's picture

Schaubel is irrelvant ... only the central banks matter.

JustObserving's picture

Hope Deutsche Bank takes down the Vampire Squid with it.  Or at least the Morgue.  Or, preferably, both.

NoWayJose's picture

I have no concerns attacking that Yuge Indian encampment - Gen. Custer

Grandad Grumps's picture

One should ask why it was necessary for the gods to destroy the Indian and Mayan and Incan civilzations ... and more importantly to remove from them all evidence or prior civilizations and hide it?

buzzsaw99's picture


J Jason Djfmam's picture

Clearly neither one of these guys has any money in Douche Bank.

buzzsaw99's picture

actually wolfgang claims to have not very much money at all. of course he has that fat german pension which is guaranteed by the german taxpayer so boo frickedy hoo.

wildbad's picture

Now THATs an official denial!

CarpetShag's picture

Screwbli? That senile old fart should be in a senior citizens' residence playing checkers.

hcho3's picture

Germany just pulled their plug on DB.

Ghordius's picture

Of course Schäuble is lying. In a way, he would be considered by his very electorate as an idiot and nearly something like a traitor if he was not lying, at this point.

But Schäuble is nevertheless... Schäuble, and a German FinMin. He has a plan, probably in his second top drawer on the right, marked: "DB, In Case Of..."

nope, if this monstrous beast goes down, I would bet it won't be the way most here expect it. and those derivatives are double-edged sharp tools


malek's picture

The real irony is that your old-time posts, when you were still a true believer in government and bureaucracy -EU and others-, were funnier than your current attempts in satire...

(just waiting for "Hey back then those were all jokes by me! Didn't you get them?" umm, yeah)

Ghordius's picture

malek, you are such a silly wabbit, sometimes. full of projections, like "you were still a true believer in government and bureaucracy -EU and others"

here it is: belief. it's part and parcel of faith. and that is the problem here, isn't it? a thirst for something to believe in. how about... facts?

the one desperately looking for something to believe in is not fully equipped to understand those who are looking for knowledge, pure and simple