No, Deutsche Bank Is Not Fixed

Tyler Durden's picture

Having bounced 22% off Thursday's lows, amid endless confidence-inspiring chatter (of buybacks, bailouts, bank CEO buys, and SWFs saving the day), Deutsche Bank closed lower on the day, tumbling over 6% from its opening highs as the reality of the credit markets continues to sink in.


So, no, Deutsche Bank (and its $64 trilion derivatives book) is not "fixed" - far from it...


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dumb_funded's picture
Deutsche closed lower because the insiders are getting the fuck out
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

It depends on how you define "fixed".......

OrangeJews's picture
OrangeJews (not verified) KnuckleDragger-X Feb 15, 2016 12:02 PM

What I want to know is how much (in the end) is this going to cost.  $300 Trillion...  $400...  $500...   a fucking Quadrillion???

Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) OrangeJews Feb 15, 2016 12:03 PM

Quadrillion is for pussies... your need Septillions to impress me now!

Save_America1st's picture

I hear DB's book is more like around 73 or 74 Trillion...but eh, no biggee...what's 10 Trillion here or there, right?


SuperRay's picture

I think the line is 'a trillion here, a trillion there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money' (with apologies to everett dirksen)

Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) SuperRay Feb 15, 2016 12:48 PM

It's really quite simple.. you just need a "faith multiplier" to match your "credit multiplier" and it all nets out.  Trust me, I'm a gov economist Ph.D esquire et al...

Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

you could call it 'featherage' - faith based leverage

3rdWorldTrillionaire's picture

That's the notional value of the book... you have to look at mark-to-market, and then account for off-setting positions as well... then again, counterparty risk is always present as well...

Reichstag Fire Dept.'s picture

I recently mentioned in conversation with some Socialists that global debt including off balance sheet items could be as high as US$1.1 of them said back,

Socialist 1) "Dude, you can't just make up a word like that! ...Quadrillion isn't even a thing!"

Me) "'s a thing."

Socialist 1) "Quadrillion is not a real word!"

Me) "It's real, where did you learn how to count?"

Socialist 2) "Yeah dude, he's right, Quadrillion is a real thing."

Me) "Don't worry, Bernie Sanders can't count either. LOL"

DrZipp's picture

We are only in trouble when we go past 999 decillion.  After that we are fucked.

cougargainz's picture

Wealth is never lost--only transferred. Money lost in stocks or devaluation will go to other sectors.

Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

wealth is certainly lost - by individuals, by nations.

Hard assetts remain, and shine when trust is so broken that it takes a generation to be regained

Going Loco's picture

You wouldn't say that if you were the owner of a business in Syria which used to have value and now consists of just a bombed-out heap of rubble being fought over by a mixed rabble of trigger-happy bloodthirsty toe-rags.

chiswickcat's picture

If you were a business owner in Syria, your wealth has been transfered to the International Federation of Military Apparatus Industry. 

Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) dumb_funded Feb 15, 2016 11:57 AM

I have a friend who identifies as "a socialist" (don't ask why)... but he seems to think that public spending, greek bonds, etc go into some magical sock drawer, never to be seen or heard of again.  I've tried explaining that they go into a "bad bank" like Deutsche that will blow up and kill everyone.  He laughs and says that if things get real bad he will eat deer (but has no guns, training, etc).  Guess we will be seeing who is laughing soon enough?

KnuckleDragger-X's picture

Socialists want us to get back to a "natural" lifestyle without understanding what they're asking for. Over-population won't be a problem soon.....

Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) KnuckleDragger-X Feb 15, 2016 12:05 PM

I think they are going to get the "low carbon lifestyle" they asked for... and it's not going to be pleasant.  Most of them will just off themselves.

SuperRay's picture

I'm thinking oxygen and hydrogen combined in a two to one ratio without the addition of toxins.  I'm thinking maybe the earth looks like mars in about 300 years, after the atmosphere disappears.  I'm thinking that the elite and powerful don't give a shit about anything once they're dead, and they're all a bunch of old fucks already.


Have a nice day

I woke up's picture

I hope for his sake he's a little overweight because he'll need the energy reserves

Durrmockracy's picture
Durrmockracy (not verified) I woke up Feb 15, 2016 12:21 PM

haha no... he actually runs!  And I was just thinking about it... DB, BNP, etc are kind of like "magical sock drawers" that do suck up all these shit bonds that nobody (save retirement funds) are dumb enough to touch.  Oh well, I guess "in the end we are all dead" anyway as their mantra goes...

open-range's picture
open-range (not verified) dumb_funded Feb 15, 2016 2:15 PM

I'm making over $7k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. This is what I do...

xtop23's picture

Euro-tarp in 3....2...

lester1's picture

Wait until the Federal Reserve tries negative interest rates. There will be a mass exodus from the big banks and they will all fail again due to lack of liquidity.


Deutsche Bank is just the tip of the iceberg of what's to come.

KnuckleDragger-X's picture

Shhhh... You'll ruin the surprise.......

bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

The surprise will be no one to sell to, while the loans and taxes eat them alive force estate sales, abandon property and bankruptcy.
Local government will need to sell bonds flooding the market with issues no one wants, forceing even heavier losses on to pensions and anyone who cant say no.
Deflation will be epic, then the reaction to deflation will be historic.

KnuckleDragger-X's picture

The banks are painting themselves into the same corner they did last time, but TBTF just might be tested this time since politicians will always save their own ass first.......

Budnacho's picture

Precisely. I was explaining to a friend today that once NIRP hits America....say hello to the bank-run of the century...I'd say after about a Month of NIRP we'll see the implosion. 


Because no matter how many muppets are our there, once they see 1-2% leaving theri accounts's all over save for the crying. This isn't going to be a controlled crash...the wings are going to come off mid-dive and the economy will auger-in like a lawn-dart....

Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Maybe they should ask the CIA for help with their little branding problem. In the 1950's, the CIA turned a drunken New York paint splatterer into a repected "artist". His "paintings" now sell for $100 million. My favorite has always been his masterwork "Fruitsalad Diahhrea". If it ever becomes available, I will certainly send my valet with a large gilded check to purchase that beauty.

yogibear's picture

Remain calm bag-holders untill all the 1%ers exit.

Just like the reassurances about Lehman's financial condition being sound.

"Trust us"

Enki Anu's picture

Our Khazarian friends are monkey hammering the Gold when markets are practically closed.
We'll see as how it goes tomorrow .

debtor of last resort's picture

They will convert all deposits into €500 bills and confiscate them.

Tall Tom's picture

You are here...


Sell in May and go away?


Two and a half months?


Ten weeks?


No.Deutschbank is not the Lehman Bros moment. That is coming later.


Deutchbank is like Bear Stearns although Bear Stearns collapsed in March..


Perhaps Deutchbank will as well. 


So if that is the case then who takes the role of Lehman Bros.?


What Bank has the most exposure to Deutchbank?

rhotbr's picture

saldaçoes ao mundo em degelo. 



Goldbugger's picture

And who's next Credit Suisse

Or Bank of America

chiswickcat's picture

Italian banks, then Barclays, then Santander, then Citi bank, then BofA, then Wall St. 

starman's picture

Hey its like flying , there's first class - business and  economy! 

What's in your valet?! 

Oldballplayer's picture

I love idiots who think that the woods will be teeming with wildlife if all hell breaks loose. As a hunter living in rural VT, I can assure you when the "hunting season" becomes permanent, every deer in the USA will be dead in about 72 hours.

Lady Jessica's picture

The upside then is there'll be no more Lyme disease.  Pity there'll be no one around to catch it. 

stocktivity's picture

I'd agree. That guy who was mocked because he "runs" and is in good shape will be the one who has the better odds of surviving if things ever got that bad.

silverer's picture

Without a brain, only good for an extra week or two.

silverer's picture

Yes. You are accurate. I've read an actual study that showed that the mainstream "food on the table" type wildlife would be hunted out in about 3 months. Get used to crickets, worms, slugs, etc..

silverer's picture

When this happens, you have to put a woman in charge. It's a great tactic to buy some extra time.

Dragon HAwk's picture

Book of edible plants... priceless

Peruserdude's picture

This is the largest cluster of fuck so far this year.

hedgiex's picture

Deutsche Bank - too late. 1) We know that it is SOP to package your dynamites (derivatives) into sweets for unlaodaing 2) We ask for 2 way quotes so that you may be loaded with more explosives  3) We know that Regulators outside US/EC are getting jittery to protect their banks (your counterparties) 4) We know that your wealth management clients have been sold the snake oil that you have a put on the ECB. Maybe, we wait for this wet dream to be ejected first.