Google's "SkyNet" Robots Are All Grown Up, And Terrifying

Tyler Durden's picture


The last time we looked at the fascinating robotic products of Boston Dynamics, a company which Google prudently acquired quietly in 2013, it was a cute petting zoo of clumsy robotic "animals" including a "big dog", a "wild cat", and a "cheetah." They could barely walk for a few minutes without collapsing or suffering some terminal failure.


Barely over two years later Google's robots, no longer cute little animals, are not only all grown up but judging by the progress revealed in the company's latest progress video, are a few months from being full 5'9", 180 lbs humanoid automatons who can not only walk, pick themselves up, open doors, and carry heavy loads, but are this close from replacing millions of workers in menial, repetitive occupations as well as forming an army of robots best seen until recently in the science fiction section of your favorite streaming movie provider.

Worse, they are downright terrifying because after watching the clip below we can't decide which flashbacks are stronger: to SkyNet or RoboCop.

This is how Boston Dynamics intros the following disturbing video:

A new version of Atlas, designed to operate outdoors and inside buildings. It is specialized for mobile manipulation. It is electrically powered and hydraulically actuated. It uses sensors in its body and legs to balance and LIDAR and stereo sensors in its head to avoid obstacles, assess the terrain, help with navigation and manipulate objects. This version of Atlas is about 5' 9" tall (about a head shorter than the DRC Atlas) and weighs 180 lbs.

In other words the "Atlas" is cheaper, faster, more efficient, and never complaining version of you, and will soon come in "battalion" and "mechanized infantry" versions.

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Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:13 | 7229371 Mr. Fix
Mr. Fix's picture

Resistance is not futile.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:18 | 7229400 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

Marco Rubio, is that you?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:26 | 7229445 Hitlery_4_Dictator
Hitlery_4_Dictator's picture

Humans, especially the ones that created this shit, are retarded and deserve to be destroyed anyway. 

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:28 | 7229459 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

Technology can be used for good or evil. Seems like we always choose the evil.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:34 | 7229501 nuclearsquid
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Unfortunately, despite all the advances, they are powered by glorified weed wacker engines.  Nothing says dissonance like the deafening whine of two stroke engines as the cutting edge robots come to steal your organs.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:39 | 7229518 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

And you think Tesla is only building Lithium batteries for cars. :-)

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:40 | 7229533 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

I bet this thing has only a 30 minute endurance with the current battery technology.  nothing beats ICE.  Nothing.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:45 | 7229544 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I saw this crap coming years ago, but I thought I would be dead and buried before I would need to worry about it..

I seem to be too old too quick, or Moore’s Law is running amok.

BTW.. I sold a 5 Mb 10 inch platter Winchester drive to a nascent IT department for $30K…about 35 years ago.

5 Tb  at Costco goes for about $140.00 nowadays.

Guess what.. even considering HD pics at a meg or two.. nobody really needs 5 Tb. 

End game.



Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:46 | 7229577 New England Patriot
New England Patriot's picture

The humans always win.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:54 | 7229619 quintago
quintago's picture

with not to mention perfect aim....

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 12:59 | 7229650 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Oops.. my bad…

Nobody but the state seems to need  google-plexes of storage.

“Hi, you’re on Candid Camera” …. 24/7

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:08 | 7229721 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Just wait until the local pigs get one of these to bust down your door. It will probably be given all the “rights” as a human too, just like the canine unit. And the gun-grabbing nutters wonder why we need bigger guns...?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:12 | 7229728 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Getting the patent on the "robotic semen receptacle /orgasm relay switch" might be the smartest thing I ever did.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:13 | 7229752 mtl4
mtl4's picture

I can see it now, on a hunk of junk that big everyone's going to be aiming for the lithium pack just for a little fireworks show.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:25 | 7229758 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



In the end, we can always cum together with robots.

Wonder Robots

If she ain't real...its a wonder!

I am betting more money will be made on robot sex than on robot war. 

This is a near certainty in Japan. 

The fatter people become, the more likely it is. 

What fat and ugly 20 year old man wouldn't pay $20 to have sex with a robot that looks like a young Nicole Kidman?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:26 | 7229815 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Coming to a local PD near you.

Fuck this.  I'm going to go buy more guns and ammo.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:47 | 7229921 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Begun, this clone war has. -Yoda

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:11 | 7230065 ParkAveFlasher
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I can think about 50 different low-cost boobie traps that render this kit useless.  Keep in mind that the thing is an idiot, and so too will likely be its operators.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:22 | 7230135 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Bring on the fucking Mechsuits.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:43 | 7230217 CuttingEdge
CuttingEdge's picture

McCain must be jizzing his pants at that video with one thought in his pea brain - weaponize the motherfucker.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:14 | 7230361 KesselRunin12Parsecs
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So when the world is populated with cyborg robots, whose money are the jew bankers gonna steal from?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:17 | 7230374 Manthong
Manthong's picture

OK ... I am doing this for narcissistic fun....

Don’t hate me because I am honest : - )

I am beautiful, too.

The Chinese graduate more engineers in a couple of years than all those such techs who are working in the US.

They will engineer near perfect sex-bots.

Ladies, beware.

I just don’t want it/her to have a Tb of memory.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:23 | 7230398 A L I E N
A L I E N's picture

Lol at the guy in the video.  Robot trolling may become a past time until they become more advanced and self aware then it may be the other way around..

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:53 | 7230456 Luc X. Ifer
Luc X. Ifer's picture

Resistance is futile. AI is the next step in the evolution of the human kind specie. Get over it and wake up to what the elites known for millennia, there is no god, there is no immortal ghost trapped into your decaying meat carcass, It is the step when intelligence detaches from the decaying meat carcass and moves forward evolutionary. That's why elites don't need anymore the sheeple. They will have immortality and they want a nice and pristine planet to enjoy it not a garbage dumpster the earth has become today due to the overpopulation with mortal losers.


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:14 | 7230668 leftcoastfool
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I consider myself to be a rational thinking scientist.  I, and probably many others who have experienced a NDE, used to think the same thing.  Having glimpsed the "other side" 13 years ago even my persistant monkey brain cannot convince me to go back to that belief.  If you seriously look at the evidence it's difficult to explain away NDEs as "chemical reactions in a dying brain"...

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:22 | 7230711 Luc X. Ifer
Luc X. Ifer's picture

all what i can say you didn't kept updated with the latest research in cognitive science and NDE or you are not a scientist as you claim.

NDE is well understood as of today and it is nothing else but brain chemstry. for a scientist you show a tremendous lack of due dilligence 

trough your statement.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:42 | 7230813 Manthong
Manthong's picture

For whatever it is worth...

It is the patriotic duty of a real man to be able to drop one of those things at distance,.....

...and a .223 or a .416 won't do it. is not flesh.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:56 | 7230915 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 18:15 | 7231325 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Ya know, that movie had such a cool ending.

Terminator 3 was awesome. Oops, not so much.

iRobot was neat. Oops, not so much.

Space Odyssey 2001. Oops, not so much.

The Matrix. Oops, not so much.

Never mind, Google can kill the world. I'm too old to give a fuck if you millenials are assfucked by a robot anyways.


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 19:15 | 7231574 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

LOL If I was taunting a robot with a hockey stick and heard it's cooling fan ramping up like that I might get a bit nervous. It's either loading it's combat system, or premtively cooling it's death ray heatsinks!

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 21:17 | 7232126 Manthong
Manthong's picture

.. a .50 BMG can disable an F-35 on the ground with one round..

at great distance.

Thu, 02/25/2016 - 23:57 | 7238131 Luc X. Ifer
Luc X. Ifer's picture

When I'm letting you know something better listen if you want to make it alive together with the few smart enough.

If you don't, it means you are just too fucking stupid for the benefit of the specie and good riddange to the dumpster of genetic garbage.

White House Economists: Robots Will Replace Low-Wage Workers

Extinction Is Rule, Survival Is Exception


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:02 | 7230608 thesonandheir
thesonandheir's picture

Yeah, would have pissed myself if the robot would have told him to fuck off before punching the annoying cunt.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 16:22 | 7230717 Luc X. Ifer
Luc X. Ifer's picture

you can punch a tongue into my ass, dimp dick.

Thu, 02/25/2016 - 00:16 | 7232713 OverTheHedge
OverTheHedge's picture

Not bright, but in vast numbers, linked to drones for full overview and support, and they will be given a GPS delineated box - free-fire zone. Anything organic gets attacked until it isn't organic any more. We know what tptb think about "collateral" damage, and civilian casualties. This will just exacerbate the problem. Of course, anyone inside the box will be terrorist, so that's ok.

You could run some interesting Schrodinger's cat experiments. I can't wait.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:51 | 7229941 StackShinyStuff
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We are in fucking trouble.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:23 | 7230404 Manthong
Manthong's picture

....  understatement of the millenium.  :-D

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:50 | 7230546 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

I think Atlas was trying to do the Riverdance in the snow....has he been hanging out with Michael Flatley in Boston?  

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:58 | 7230588 Luc X. Ifer
Luc X. Ifer's picture

nope. we are on an awesome path, the path to a clean, not overpopulated planet, the path to the peak of the biological evolution. 

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 18:35 | 7231413 snr-moment
snr-moment's picture

close.  I don't QUITE have that much 50BMG ammo yet, but yeah, close.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:03 | 7230014 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

It moves like a Wal-Mart greeter and attracts pranksters like flies on crap...


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:53 | 7230269 Mr. Universe
Mr. Universe's picture

This version does. I hate to think of the 5th gen model coming out in say 5-6 years.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:44 | 7230225 True Blue
True Blue's picture

I am betting more money will be made on robot sex than on robot war. 


We have been using robots to kill for a half century or more already; two examples being self-guided missiles and torpedoes. The robo-sex industry has a lot of catch-up to do -and do you really want to entrust your family-jewels (now Frankfurt-Schooled into "junk") to a machine?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 18:37 | 7231425 snr-moment
snr-moment's picture

TPTB will get you off when it profits them, and off you for the same reasons

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 13:15 | 7229760 Manthong
Manthong's picture

OK.. just for fun…

I have a Heath kit vacuum tube tester next to the old analog scopes in the bunker.

But the scary thing is that I bought a function generator app for $3.99 on the Play Store.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 14:46 | 7230234 True Blue
True Blue's picture

Hey, OT, but I need to find some help with a couple old tube-jobs; any advice?

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 15:32 | 7230339 Manthong
Manthong's picture

what tubes?

pwr,,  audio or what?

old stuff...   look for dried up caps..

replace at will..  works for a lot of old stuff.


Wed, 02/24/2016 - 18:02 | 7231272 True Blue
True Blue's picture

Yeah, audio and power tubes on two old push-pull jobs from the 1940's. Replaced the caps, resistors, and crunchy wiring with new, everything glows but not even a 60 cycle hum from the 8 ohm speaker... not my field so IDK WTF I'm doing, just decided to do it to expand my horizons... and couldn't stand seeing fine machinery going down the tubes -so to speak.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 19:49 | 7231720 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Check your voltages, if your plate and grid voltages are OK and you don't hear anything suspect the output transformer, most likely the secondary is open.  The primary wouldn't be open or else youd get no plate voltage on the finals. An ohmmeter on the windings should show resistance in the order of a few hundred ohms to a few kiloohms depending on how many windings is in that output transformer. Of course do all poking around in the chassis with the power OFF. When reading voltages with it powered ON, stick one hand in your pocket. 600volts can toss you across the room, if your really unlucky it can give you wings and a harp.

Wed, 02/24/2016 - 21:29 | 7232146 Manthong
Manthong's picture

great advice.. check the transformer.

..but stay isolated.

...if you feel the vibes in your teeth you might be a bit too close to the power.

Speaking of glowing.. try to stay away from old 2MW S-Band radars.


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