"Are You Not Entertained" By This Close: Dow Back At 17K After Last Minute VIX Slam

Tyler Durden's picture

Seriously!!!! That Close!!!


Your day in the "market"...


The "stable" oil market...


Following yesterday's noisy drop, today was the echo with a noisy choppy low volume rally as Oil sparked the momentum in the pre-open, but stocks decoupled lower from both JPY and Oil (smashed lower on weak wholesale trade data and a realization that US crude production rose)...


Trannies outperformed as The Dow couldn't get too far away from unch... and then everyone panicced to buy at the close..


On the week, The Dow clung to unchanged thanks to the panic close, but Trannies lag...


No bounce at all in financials - even as Treasury yields rose - but energy obviously bounced (even though energy credit risk rose 6bps to 1262bps)


Today saw two legs down - the first from a delayed reaction to the fact that crude production rose in the US and the second as Carson Block commented on the "dead cat bounce" - all that mattered today was defending the short-squeeeze trendline at 1980... What a total f##king joke that close was...


And the ramp was all about getting The Dow above 17000!!!


But VIX remains totally decoupled once again from global financial stress...


Treasury yields rose all day pushing all but 30Y higher for the week...with Fischer's inflation sightings the catalyst


Notably the USD Index tumbled as US Inventories data hit - pointing clearly at recessionary pressures building. But JPY plunged...


Crude was the day's big winner for absolutely no good reason, PMs were modestly lower and copper gained back half of yesterday'slosses...


Gold was triple-slammed overnight... but bounced back...


Charts: Bloomberg

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Kaiser Sousa's picture

Lets review:

*Phony paper prices of Gold & Silver are attacked early in NY Globex trading before Asia opens, througout the Londone session, at the open & close in New Dork, just like every other day this week on no correlating negative data or news whatsofucking ever…

*Dow & S&Pee ramp on no justifiable macro-economic positive news or data whatsoever….

*Dow ramp falters twice taking it below propaganda level 17,000 before another ramp takes it back above the 17,000 mark & to the highs of the morning….

*Dow ramp fails again heading into the last hour of trading in Londone, when with 30 minutes left another ramp on no corresponding data or news catapults it back above propaganda mark 17,000 …

*Heading into the familiar “last 2 hours of trading” the Dow is pumped yet again to regain the propaganda level of 17,000, while simultaneously the final attack on the phony paper prices of Gold & Silver wipes away all advances on algo driven Globex after market trading.

*And what stawks yet again represented “must buys” for the day driving the ramp of the Dow and S&Pee observers asked???

CVX    92.87    +4.13   

MSFT    52.68    +1.03   

MCD    119.69    +1.27   




see yesterdays wrap if you “beg to differ"…


ps: look once again at the naked futures they threw at the phony paper prices of real money for the 3rd day in a row in a blatant manipulative attempt to crush them right after New Zealand announced they intend to further destroy the purchasing power of its citizens debt based currency.


OrangeJews's picture
OrangeJews (not verified) Kaiser Sousa Mar 9, 2016 5:17 PM

This reminds me of dot com trading...  5-10% swings every day!  Oh the memories...  Good times!

Automatic Choke's picture

Not angry enough today, Kaiser.  More caps please.

Nutsack's picture
Nutsack (not verified) Automatic Choke Mar 9, 2016 5:36 PM

After lying for the Magic Kneegrow for 10 years, do you really think the Chosenites will let this shit show crash under Obama??


"Diebersity bee hour scremps" afterall.

Countrybunkererd's picture

and this term "S&Pee", i am not familiar with.  I have heard of S&Piss somewhere once.

Goliath Slayer's picture
Goliath Slayer (not verified) Countrybunkererd Mar 9, 2016 6:25 PM

It's like when a comatose man gets an ere@tion right before he dies.


In good 'ole 'murrican, I present a counterpoint to the esteemed Kaiser soUSA's " incoherent rant " ( media speak for the Unvarnished Truth ) !

This is a classic case of rodent running pump and dump, a la "Groundhog Day".

What's that, you say ? Well the POTB loves to shove a 2 1/2 inch pipe up their asses, and dump a bunch of mice down there where the sun never shines.

Once the mice have crawled their way to freedom, the POTB wants to do it all over again !

In a way, we all are the mice.

Shoved into a dark stinky hole economy, trying to claw our way back out, just to be re-run all over again.

Time for a Network TV moment.

" I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it any more ! "

Shucks, I don't get these preverts idea of a good time either.

All I ever wanted to do when I was younger was figure out how to get a girl's bra off and steam up the car windows at a drive in movie.

Gas was 25 cents a gallon, dollars were silver, twenty dollars was a gold coin, not a fiat unicorn fart fakey-doo nothingburger lie printed on paper.

Where's my fucking time machine - I need to go back and stock up on more real fucking money.

And, see if I can get a girl's bra off any faster than I could back then.

MFL8240's picture

Need to keep it up so they can blame the crash on something other then themselves.  Maybe they can have Mittens blame Trump.

Yen Cross's picture

  Hey Kaiser, you also forgot the farce that is PMPhillip Morris  and COcoca cola  both trading all time highs.

RadioFlyer's picture
RadioFlyer (not verified) Kaiser Sousa Mar 9, 2016 9:09 PM

But Kaiser, you can go to Greece and get 285.25 Hot Greek College students for one hour at 4 Euros each for 1 ounce AU.

Mark Mywords's picture
Mark Mywords (not verified) Mar 9, 2016 5:10 PM

Bang that close! I noticed about three minutes prior to the closing bell that the DJIA was seven points shy of 17000.

I wondered if they could do it. I figured "Yes".

I was correct.

Perimetr's picture

As long as the Fed has a trading desk and the Exchange Stabilization Fund remains intact,

they will use their *unlimited* funds to prop up the markets,

until the order is given to stop.

FreeShitter's picture

ESF, WTI, Bullshit rumors galore, ECB stimulus, NIRP, War, you name it, they have all this and alot more.

LooseLee's picture

Likely those "unlimited" funds are part of the $T8 missing from the Pentagon et. al. The real "Entertainment" begins when those in charge are on trial for TREASOn and millions of Americas are calling for public executions. Mark my words (yes, you). This is part of the end game and a new beginning...

Implied Violins's picture

Oooh I don't know, I was thinking 'they could still tank this to 16666'. Guess the entrail readings told them to hike it today.

bnkrs vs Humanity's picture
bnkrs vs Humanity (not verified) Mar 9, 2016 5:11 PM

                       A look into the bnkrs credit card interest rate scam.

1st: If it wasn’t for the tax payers hard earned $ that bailed them out, most banks (TBTF) would be outta business.

2nd: When the banks borrow $ from the FED ($ that legally belongs to tax payers), they usually get it at a very low interest rate (around 1%).

3rd: When bnkrs borrow depositors money from a saving or CD account, they only give those depositors an interest rate of less than 1% for saving and less than 5% for a CD account.

Question: Why is it that bnkrs charge an average of 25% when tax payers borrow money from them through a credit card?

Answer: The trick is to trap humanity into debt slavery and to make sure that the transfer of wealth from humanity to bnkrs continues. The bnkrs understand that the average person cannot financially keep up with the daily spending for their needs because of rising prices due to inflation (hidden tax) that they created. So if people have no other alternative than to borrow money to survive, they will find themselves at the mercy of the demonic blood drinking bnkrs who can now charge whatever interest rate they wish to charge, and people will still accept it.

Question: Why hasn’t the Government done anything about this disgraceful credit card rate scam in order to lookout for tax payers?

Answer: THE BNKRS OWN EACH AND EVERY FUCKING GOVERNMENT AROUND THE WORLD (because every government is indebted to the bnkrs).

So it is not the policy makers that govern and make policies, it is the bnkrs who make policies behind the curtain then have government representatives read those policies out in public to fool the fools. The credit card interest rate scam is just another method of transferring wealth from humanity to the bnkrs while simultaneously keeping humanity into a never ending slavery.

lehmen_sisters's picture

Your Question/Answer style is boss, keep it up

scintillator9's picture

It really began to go downhill with the tax law changes of 1986 in regards to credit card interest, for until then, one could at least deduct that interest, and even new car loans.


The Tax Reform Act of 1986 changed many provisions in the Internal Revenue Code. One of the most notable was the elimination of the personal interest deduction. Prior to this, you could deduct all credit card interest payments, regardless of what you purchased.

But our Banker friends saw fit to bless us with HELOC instead, so, if one misses a payment, one can lose one's home. That is a much better deal for everyone. <sarc>


Vlad the Inhaler's picture

Where do I sign up for that 5% CD?

rejected's picture

1 click on the mouse.



Job well done banksters.

booboo's picture

Stand back or the niggeconomy gets it!!

Echoless's picture

it's just....sooo.....exhaustingly obvious what they do, painfully entertaining. 2016 will be one wild ride, i'm fairly young but i remember the end of the world hype around y2k, i remember being in school and seein the tv come on and the towers go down on 9/11, and i lost my job in 2008 and was blessed enough to replace it with 2 shit ones until i could get back to real work. of all the things in my short american history ive lost or almost lost, this is the year my sanity is on the table.

#putinforpotus #femacamps #michelleobamaisaman #snakeoil #buygoldplatedgunsandsilverbullets #onecrashtorulethemall

Countrybunkererd's picture

Hang in there.  Many may not admit it, but most wondered if they were going batshit crazy watching these things at some point.  IT ISN'T YOU, it is truly crazy...if that is the possible link to your loss of sanity that is, if not i can't help but maybe someone could page Dr. E for you.

spartan117's picture

I think it was all USDYEN ignition for the DOW, which always correlates to a gold beat down.

BandGap's picture

Hmmm, it's odd that my mining stocks went up today (2-3%) when gold and silver PMs did not.

Somebody knows something, usually the stocks rise just before the metals follow. Today was really odd.

minitrue's picture
minitrue (not verified) Mar 9, 2016 5:17 PM

So a 4 point move at close is now a "slam."

Maybe just some last minute short covering or a couple of big buy orders before the close?

Being Free's picture

Not that it matters but, what the fuck were you looking at?

at 15:59:03 $DJI was at 16,978.00

obviously there were some last minute buy orders ... 22pts worth ... just enough to close at 17,000.

How convenient.

Countrybunkererd's picture

a friday close of 1999.99 and then this? 

Kefeer's picture

Perhaps in due time we will see 16666 & 666

ImmodestExtant's picture

Exchange at the plunge protection team at 15:57


"Crap, the intern forgot topush the 17k button on the Dow and the 2k button on the SPX again." 

"Damn, hit them, quickly!"

"Can't, SPX is too far away from 2000! It will break today's budget!"

"Then hit 1990 instead!"

"Ok. Makes sense. Phew, that was close."

the.ghost.of.22wmr's picture
the.ghost.of.22wmr (not verified) Mar 9, 2016 5:27 PM

Entertained? I would be thrilled if gold dipped below 1200 or silver below 15 so I can buy some more.

Surveyor4Pres's picture

But...But...I've seen this commercial, you know, the one where you get a free ounce of silver for every ounce of gold you buy.  What a joke.

HardlyZero's picture

Here is some very minor num(b)erics in these ramp-fests

Dow Closing: 17000.36     up: 36.26     36.....26

S&P Closing: 1989.26

The Dow up amount is the 10ths/100ths of each Dow and S&P closing.

This fiat thing has legs !

Interesting Times and Golden Years.

spartan117's picture

Nicely done.

And Nascrap up 25.55 or 0.55%.  

They are truly messing around and throwing it in our faces.

RawPawg's picture

And in other news...Kim K is back showing off her "Jewels"...again

the only reason i am alerting y'all is because...this is just another day of the same old,same old

i am tired,and i really don't wanna resort to keeping tabs on KK's junk...again

please,somebody shoot me.

FreeShitter's picture

That latest selfie of her does indeed show a nice bootylicious ass. 

RichardENixon's picture

That ass has had more traffic through it than the Lincoln Tunnel at rush hour

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

I am so goddamn envious... No, not of Kanye.  Of Rip van Winkel.

lakecity55's picture

It's burned moar coal than a power plant!

JusticeTBuford's picture

That azz has to pay for Conye's debt, if she wants her baby's daddy to stay around.  That shit gets all flabby and folded, Conye be on da porch.

NOTaREALmerican's picture

Soon to be VP Kim K. 

Kim will be huuuuge,  huuuge twitter following,   she'll be huuuge.    ok?

Kefeer's picture

You might start focusing on your soul; that is most important and most neglected.  I know from experience.

NDXTrader's picture

Dow at 17000, NDX 4300, SP within 10 of 2000, WTI 38, USD/JPY heading for 114...all MAX PAIN and all systems go for OPEX next week. This thing is so rigged so the big boys make money on the options they write it's hilarious

khnum's picture

The market is 70 per cent 6 banks all Fed proxies and about the same number of supercomputers its hard to get exited about and yes you may well get to the stage society goes Mad Max but the Dow is 20,000

NDXTrader's picture

On the day the world ends a lonely Bloomberg computer will spit out the headline "Dow Finishes at All-Time High; Armageddon Brings Renewed Stimulus Hopes"