Good News For Working 'Retirees' - Wal-Mart Reintroduces "The Greeter"

Tyler Durden's picture

With record numbers of older workers in the workforce, as the beach/sunset/walks-in-the-park vision of retirement crashes on the shores of reality, there could be a light at the end of the tunnel.

After a series of tests on ways to deter theft, Wal-Mart has decided that America's favorite supercenter position will be making a comeback. This summer, Wal-Mart will be rolling out a program that will bring door greeters back to the entrances in hopes of reducing theft, and improving customer service.

Theft has been an increasing issue for Wal-Mart, with some stores having to call the police up to four times a day. The company ran tests at two stores in Arlington, Tx, and having employees check receipts helped reduce calls to police by about 40% over six months said Kevin Kolbye, assistant chief of the Arlington police.

Wal-Mart's returning of the greeters to the entrances is the good news. The bad news? Other than a few positions being created to oversee the self-checkouts, the company expects to fill the positions with existing employees, so the initiative will be relatively headcount neutral. In other words, those that lost their jobs during the massive layoffs as a result of giving in to pressures to raise the minimum wage for their employees won't be getting their jobs back any time soon.

There is one silver lining however, which is that some of those employees making the arbitrary minimum wage of $10 an hour will really have to earn it with this exhaustive skill set - we hope they don't burn out.

The remaining stores, which the company has identified as having more theft, will get an employee focused on preventing shoplifting who will periodically check receipts. These workers, called customer hosts, will need to have additional skills beyond those of traditional greeters, who are often senior citizens. They’ll need to be able to ask for receipts when appropriate and lift heavy objects and use technology to process express returns.

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lasvegaspersona's picture

Welcome to Walmart...I love you....

Bastiat's picture

I think Banzai did Bahgdad Bob as greeter, my all time favorite but this isn't bad:

Son of Loki's picture

Walmart is always a fun place to visit. I feel I never have to travel to Nigeria or India in my life; it's come to me!

cheka's picture

walmart, mcd, waffle house....all very vibrant

Ghost of Porky's picture

Now if they can just train them to break a bunch of windows we can really get the economy going.

Kissy Ass's picture

I bought a pair of socks from Walmart to wear with the sneakers. Within 2 weeks they had a hole in the fucking bottom.

Who's robbing who? God damn Wall St jews!

813kml's picture

Finally, a viable career path for recent MBA grads.

JusticeTBuford's picture

"May I see your receipt?"

"Sure, my hands are full right now.  Follow me to my truck and I can show it to you".


Try it next time.  They don't know how to respond.

cheka's picture

you are too nice.  telling them to fck off works too

a telling picture of today's US -- that the sheep will stand there and wait to be okayed to leave the store with goods they paid for


yellowsub's picture

Nah, they're too underskilled and they're flocking to the states that raised the minimum wage to $15.

SloMoe's picture

Walmart, the orginal fat-farm.

daveO's picture

Also, a refuge for crooks and retards. I stopped shopping there after I watched a shoplifter bolt through the exit ahead of me, with her coat stuffed. She set off the magnet. A store employee posted right next to the magnet stopped me while the shoplifter ran, yes, ran from the store. She almost insisted I was stealing a CD. I told her the shoplifter was already in her car and leaving. The ignoramus employee  was having none of that and insisted I had a CD on my person. I yanked my coat off and started unbuttoning my shirt. I told her I will strip down to my skivvies and it still won't bring back the shoplifter who ran out ahead of me. No apology, she just gave up when I had my shirt half off. I still wonder if she was covering for the thief. I wrote the company and told them about their incompetent(crooked?) employees. No response, of course. The new store has more cameras, in and out, than a prison. 

peddling-fiction's picture


You could also have been gangstalked. If strange things happen to you often, start to think out of the box.

Before they hit you hard, they engage in a campaign of slowburn that can last for years.

BeaverCream's picture

Caption: After the Trump presidency Ben Bernanke, once the savior of the world, is now working as a Wal-Mart greeter and is regularly spat upon by teenagers.

GunnerySgtHartman's picture

I would pay real fiat money to see that.

Kaiser Sousa's picture

"Welcome to WalMart...spare change please..."

Winston Churchill's picture

At least the pensioners will be able to get discounted cat food.

Bill and Hitlary would be good, if they worked for Target.

813kml's picture

Friskies Seafood Sensations makes excellent sushi.

Winston Churchill's picture

I'll stick with white caviar as the only uncooked fish I'll eat thanks.

I was so sick after my first sushi, never again.

Might have had something to do with the 12 pints of German brewed Lowenbrau, I'd consumed , but

why risk it ?

813kml's picture

After 12 pints the bad sushi experience may have been at an unregulated German brothel.

MoHillbilly's picture
MoHillbilly (not verified) May 6, 2016 12:50 PM

will bring door greeters back to the entrances in hopes of reducing theft, and improving customer service.


Hey you ugly lardass  motherfucker did you pay for that shit?


How did I do , am I hired?

Dr. Engali's picture

Thank goodness, because nothing makes you feel more welcome than a fat ass who can't muscle up the energy to say hello.  

E.F. Mutton's picture

This gives me hope.  Now maybe I can look forward to PREMIUM cat food.

813kml's picture

You must have one of the cloven hoof can openers from Sharper Image.

taketheredpill's picture

Give me back my Dignity!

Pumpkin's picture

Haven't been for so long I hadn't even noticed they stopped greeting.  I worked for Wal-mart when Sam Walton was alive.  He'd go postal on all of them if he was alive.

MoHillbilly's picture
MoHillbilly (not verified) Pumpkin May 6, 2016 1:06 PM

Amen, My wife worked at one when she was 16, in the seventies. Sam would come to town meet everyone, know how to do every job and treat you like a human being. Made a ton of Wal-mart millionaires in this part of the world. I blame bean counter Glass

venturen's picture

"...hopes of reducing theft"???? So the oldster has do the 100 yard under 10 sec and have a black belt?

One-Eyed-Thong's picture
One-Eyed-Thong (not verified) May 6, 2016 12:57 PM


10mm's picture

Disgusting. If you paid for items and can't leave thru door without "Your Paper's Please", I'm not interested.

BeaverCream's picture

When those stupid bells go off after I paid for all my shit I just walk right through them.  I dare anyone to fuck with me after I paid and their stupid technology tries to fuck up my day.

ClydeCrashcup's picture

Carry small but powerful magnets in your pocket.  Just one or two will do.  Works like a charm every time.

cheka's picture

you are the exception.  carry on!

Clowns on Acid's picture

Jobs that Americans won't do ......

oncemore's picture

A minimum wage greeter on Obama care. Real and perfect picture of the US economy (which I consider to be sad). And not the BS, which is being teleprompted by golf player from Kenya, or Indonesia, or who knows, where he comes from.

Kaervek's picture

Slave away so you can take on more credit right before you kick the bucket

yellowsub's picture

The greeter job will be a battle between retirees and disabled.

PT's picture

Problem:  Design a shop from which it is easy to
Reaction:  Steal
Solution:  Security Guards

There is no better way!  We must have security guards in all shops!

err, sorry.  You weren't supposed to hear about that until next week.  Please ignore everything I said and go about your merry way.

wmbz's picture

These workers, called customer hosts, will need to have additional skills beyond those of traditional greeters, who are often senior citizens. They’ll need to be able to ask for receipts when appropriate and lift heavy objects and use technology to process express returns.


"Additional skills" WTF? They'll have to be able to talk and pick things up! How the fuck hard is that? This is just how fucking sad this country has become!

Additional skills my ass. We are toast!!

Two Theives and a Liar's picture

As if Walmart wasn't enough absurd sensory overload at the old people smell too!!


Chippewa Partners's picture

How much of WMT eps derive from EBT cards? 90 or 95%? Isn't that taxpayer THEFT?

corporatewhore's picture

The stealing which goes on is incredible.  I've been told by workers at the local supermarket that people just walk out with shopping carts full of liquor or whatever they're buying at a discount.  All the cameras aren't manned but are just for show.  LOL.

Then I recently saw a video of a shopping center located Victoria Secret with two young enterprising ladies who simply walked in with garbage bags and proceeded to fill the garbage bags with merchandise conveniently located at the front of the Victoria Secret store.

Just the other day at my other job we had some guy pocket 9 bottles of Absolut in his oversized Cardinals jacket.


Welcome back greeters, you have a job to do!

cheka's picture

dindus treat the dollar general in town the same way.  dg is just their storage building/food pantry

Golden Phoenix's picture

Our civil rights aren't suspended upon entering a Walmart. Once we've paid for our goods they belong to us and no one has any business rummaging through them. If theft is actually suspected call the police and have them do it. Once I was in a real hurry and a couple of blue haired old ladies tried to stop me to check my receipt and look through my bag. I had not set off an alarm and there was no reason for suspicion. I just said 'No' and kept on going out the door. I have every sympathy for inventory loss but they have no business detaining innocent people and searching their bags as standard procedure. If the blue hairs start needlessly harassing me I'll just go elsewhere for a few years again. Just about anyplace else you could go sells better quality anyway.

cheka's picture

you go boy.  the spineless sheep will stand in line at the greeter to get the okay to proceed with their lives