A Central Banker Officially Loses It: "We Are Magic People"

Tyler Durden's picture

Over the years, first on fringe blogs who dared to point out long ago that the emperors are actually naked, and increasingly everywhere else there has been speculation that locked deep inside the ivory towers of central banks one could find either career academics or Goldman Sachs alumni who were convinced they were all powerful, all capable deities, who in addition to printing money out of thin air, are comfortable micromanaging not only the world's capital markets but also economies. Just like gods, or "magicians"... but really just insane nutjobs.

Today we got an official confirmation of just how truly profound the central banker delusion of grandeur, and sheer insanity, is courtesy of ECB Governing Council member Vitas Vasiliauskas, who told Bloomberg in an interview that the ECB can still conjure up policy surprises - read inflation - if needed to combat economic shocks and push prices higher. While this was merely the usual jawboning by an ECB member, we bolded the word "conjure" for a reason. It will become clear why soon enough.

What followed was the usual verbal diarrhea we have grown accustomed from every central banker, whose first (and only) job is to preserve confidence in a broken system; so broken that even ordinary people are saving instead of spending despite negative rates.

The 42-year-old Vasiliauskas, who was appointed to a second term on April 7, declined to comment on specific policy options the ECB will take, but refuted the notion that the central bank wouldn’t be able to react to shocks such as a sudden worsening in the international economy.  “Such conversations, such speculations are taking place before every meeting,” he said. “We still have a lot of tools and we can make surprises for the market. I don’t see for the moment any need for a new rabbit because we should implement what was agreed, what was announced.”

Conversations about helicopter money for example, which is coming. Soon.

The ECB central banker then proceeded to get aroused by liquidity injections.

The Lithuanian governor singled out a second round of targeted long-term loans to banks as the most powerful addition to the ECB’s palette. The so-called TLTRO-II potentially offers to pay lenders to take central bank cash, the idea being that they pass it on to companies and households as loans. The first operation is scheduled for June 24.


This measure, personally for me, is very sexy,” Vasiliauskas said. “It can make direct impact on the real economy.”

Sure: 5,000,000 unemployed European youths will become instatnly employed the moment the ECB's "sexy" TLTRO-II is activated. Well maybe not, but at least the Stoxx600 should soar for at least 10%. That "economy."

He also made it clear that the end of cash is indeed coming:

Vasiliauskas also backed the ECB’s decision this month to stop production of the 500-euro banknote. The measure was taken because of the note’s perceived role in crime, though it drew criticism in countries such as Germany and Austria.


“I think modern societies shouldn’t concentrate on cash -- alternative ways of payment are more effective,” he said. “Personally, I was supportive. Less cash in a society is better and safer for everybody.”

Despite all these clear hints, many will be shocked when central banks finally outlaw all physical cash one day.

Still, the portly central banker's punchline was the following:

“Markets say the ECB is done, their box is empty,” Vasiliauskas, who heads Lithuania’s central bank. "But we are magic people. Each time we take something and give to the markets -- a rabbit out of the hat."

What is most disturbing is that he was dead serious when he said it, which is important, because it is finally obvious that central bankers are neither gods, nor magicians, nor even doing "god's work on earth", but plain and simple psychopaths. At least the magician he was right about one thing: "we give to the markets."

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kliguy38's picture

Yeah sure......my poop is magic too

back to basics's picture

My wife is very sexy, you worthless piece of shit, not conjuring money out of thin air and handing it to the banks. Asshole. 

Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

and just like a magician, your audiences know you're just trading in cheap gimmicks

only you believe in your own magic - and thats why none of these parlour tricks have worked in any capacity to sustainaby revive your economy

like a chump...

bigkahuna's picture

theres nothing magic about no reach around

thesonandheir's picture

Fatty an't pull a rabbit out of a hat but he can pull a hare out of his arse. 

localsavage's picture

He's 42?  Holy shit it must be stressful lying so much.

J S Bach's picture

Yes... magicians are amazing people with their ability to fool the rubes with their sleight of hand.  But, even the best of them - Harry Houdini - died of peritonitis after an unexpected blow to the abdomen by one disbeliever.  That's all it takes.

cheka's picture

so the chosenites consider themselves magicians, who knew?

J S Bach's picture

Who can blame them?  They've been successfully deceiving the goyim for 4 millennia - and no limits in sight to their gullibility.

Stainless Steel Rat's picture
Stainless Steel Rat (not verified) J S Bach May 11, 2016 5:59 PM

"We can make money out of worthless paper!"

N0TaREALmerican's picture
N0TaREALmerican (not verified) J S Bach May 11, 2016 6:01 PM

Survival of the fittest is a bitch when ya ain't at the top of the food chain.  Oh well.  

peddling-fiction's picture

They sure are magic. Black magick people...

monk27's picture

He sure looks "magical" to me ! Lithuanians (what's left of them) are sooo fucked...

mtl4's picture

Sorry but it doesn't matter if you claim the power of the pentagram or not, central bank planning = FUCKED

peddling-fiction's picture

When you claim the power of the pentagram, you will eventually be screwed by Lucifer himself.

mc225's picture

lol... he looks like patton oswalt. but patton oswalt is funny.

zeropain's picture

What a fat fuck. Put down the sausage and understand you are a third world country.

sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

"But we are magic people...."

It always starts like that.  Your uncle magically pulls a quarter from behind your ear and presto! next thing you know, he's a central banker.

hxc's picture

Always knew that quarter really WAS conjured out of thin air ;)

Lore's picture

Re: "I think modern societies shouldn’t concentrate on cash -- alternative ways of payment are more effective."

After all the crises they've created, banksters should have learned by now that NOTHING is more "effective" than CASH. 

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

"We take something and give to the markets"

Indeed.  He mentions that they take, but he doesn't mention what.  Hmm?  Who loses when prices inflate, but wages do not?  Who wins?

I have compared these people to the ancient and medieval priest class.  Their 'wisdom' was 'mystifying' and 'not to be questioned'.   I also now understand the 'turning lead to gold' trick.  It wasn't alchemy.

It was the birth of central banking, fiat currency, fractional reserve banking, and throw in a dash of usury!  Burn these fucking witches (and warlocks, too)!

NumberNone's picture

So adding some zeros to a number in computer qualifies as magic in your book? Then why the fuck do you and your ilk have no respect or awe for the actual fucking producers in this world?

Kefeer's picture

But he can sacrifice all the children he wants and more....no of us would even want to do such things; they crave it.

Charming Anarchist's picture

Oh, I get it! 

Taxation is magic!

Theonewhoknows's picture
Theonewhoknows (not verified) Charming Anarchist May 11, 2016 5:14 PM

However, they choose to continue their idiotic policies - we get screwed. They will be able to go through with the system without sinking anyone but rather fueling the transition with more printed money, NIRP and delay payments - check how it was solved with Austrian bank Hypo Alpe Adria - bail-in and delay of any payments for 7 years! http://independenttrader.org/another-bank-files-for-bankruptcy.html

Arnold's picture

Contrary to popular wisdom

you can squeeze blood from a turnip.

Simply use the current trend of working words away from your meaning to our meaning.

Substitute banker for turnip, same difference.


tarabel's picture



Of course you can squeeze blood from a turnip.

1) Place turnip in mouth of donor.

2) Place donor's head in a vise.

3) Turn handle until correct amount of blood is obtained.

Shemp 4 Victory's picture

+1 for correctly spelling vise.

factgasm's picture

So Crockett and Tubbs were spelling it wrong all this while afterall.


Diplodicus Rex's picture

Would it be wise or wice to spell it vise or vice?

css1971's picture

And more taxation is always better. Lets see. 75% taken by governments directly through taxes, payments, insurances etc. Indirectly inflation in reality is 5%? 10%?

It's really just skim after skim after skim.

goldandsilverguy's picture

This sounds more like a Magical Mystery Tour to me.

Kaiser Sousa's picture

how many times have i said here that they r sociopaths???

any more doubts?

i thought not.

DontWorry's picture

They destroyed the market to save it.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Debt slavery is freedom.

Consumption is strength.

Saving is futile.

DontGive's picture

Breaking windows = creating jobs.


Salsa Verde's picture

Lynch mobs are magic.

Implied Violins's picture

But woodchippers are better at making people disappear.

BarryTheBolshevik's picture

Cement blocks on feet are cheaper...
.. Nah, gas for the fucking boat and time cancels that out. Fuck it.

css1971's picture

Machete's the common man's sword.

The first swords were ~60cm (approx 2 feet). About the same length as an average machete. The most common medieval sword was the Falchion, not the broadsword, the broadsword was for the nobility. Ordinary people used Falchions (and messers).

Falchion looks just like a machete plus cross guard.

Everyone should own a machete, just on principle.

CuttingEdge's picture

Fuck $20, css.

Six foot of rope is a damned sight more cost effective.

Salsa Verde's picture

Leave em up and let the birds peck em apart.  Hard to get the message wrong when you got some "Freedom Jerky" swinging in the breeze.

Arnold's picture

30 seconds in a wood chipper does not teach the village the lesson they need to learn.



Seasmoke's picture

The Fat Fuck just went Full Retard.