"Dwayne Pimps 3 Ho's" - Alabama Math Quiz Veers Too Close To Real Life

Tyler Durden's picture

No, this is not from The Onion.

In an apparent attempt to make math more relevant to the young people of Alabama, a teacher at Burns Middle School in Mobile, required eighth-graders to take a math quiz that drew complaints from parents about inappropriate themes and racist overtones.

As The Washington Post reports, nearly 900 students are enrolled at Burns Middle School, about 50 percent of them black and 40 percent white, according to state data. Forty-three percent qualify for free or reduced-price lunch.

“Dwayne pimps 3 ho’s,” reads one question on the quiz given to students at Burns Middle School in Mobile, Ala. “If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day crack habit?”


Other questions refer to stolen cars, murder-for-hire, cocaine deals and drive-by shootings.


“Tyrone knocked up four girls in the gang,” the quiz says. “There are 20 girls in the gang. What is the exact percentage of girls that Tyrone knocked up?”


Rena Philips, a spokeswoman for Mobile County Public School System, said a parent raised concerns about the assignment  Tuesday and the school immediately launched an investigation and placed the teacher on administrative leave. Philips declined to identify the teacher or offer more details, citing privacy concerns related to personnel matters.


“We regret that this happened, especially so close to the end of the school year,” Philips said. “We have 7,500 employees in Mobile County public schools, and the vast majority of them are doing phenomenal work in our classrooms.”

The teacher has been suspended.

One of the students photgraphed the quiz, which is reportedly an internet meme dating back to the 1990s...


It's not clear why the Mobile teacher decided to hand it out Friday, just a few days before school let out.

"I couldn’t believe it," one student's mother exclaimed, "she told them that it wasn’t a joke, and they had to complete it, and turn it in."

Of course, we assume the teacher that has been put on administrative leave will still receive full pay and pension...

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chrsn's picture

Well, now, when you whine that standardized tests are "culturally biased," you can't complain when they try to accommodate you!

krispkritter's picture

The math version of 'Ebonics'.  It's now 'Obamanomics'. 

knukles's picture

Now they maybe don't need a safe room or a shiv because they know everybody's paying attention to their plight.
Where's ma fuckin' EBT card?

Jlasoon's picture

Trump just retweeted a ZH chart - Congrats Tylers lol

nmewn's picture

"Forty-three percent qualify for free or reduced-price lunch."

lol...and a Faaarrreee! ObamaFawone ta run dim bitches!

remain calm's picture

Tyrone's erect penis is 9 inches long, LaQuisha's vagina is 11 inches deep. How many twirks would LaQuisha have to make for Tyrones penis to travel 3 basketball courts? Assume the Laquisha's vaginal piercing inhibits Tyrone penis one inch every basketball court traveled. Also assume that Tyrone does not suffer from premature ejaculation and that Tyrone is not wearing a used condom with a resevoir. Bonus viagra pill if you can express the answer in centimeters.

NuckingFuts's picture

Drugs have taught an entire generation how to use the metric system.
- PJ O'Rourke

Why else would anyone care how many grams are in an ounce.

Tall Tom's picture









Well the rest of the World cares about how many grams are in an ounce especially when buying American packaged foods.


First it is not all about the USA. The USA is just one of many Nation States...one of many Tax Farms.


Perhaps the USA needs to abandion the English System and catch up with the rest of the world by adopting System Internationale.


But may the Good Lord forbid that....You might actually have to work to learn something both new and useful?


If I can do that with my Double Digit IQ then why can't you?

Déjà view's picture

"Befo' you know it, he be done aced de tesses." 

A Nanny Moose's picture

Mafs is rayciss and missoginyss

Down to Earth Thinking's picture

not really , but this was awesome ! a dose of reality right in your face ! bitches and hoes ! 

Dental Floss Tycoon's picture

"On the eve of retiring from her long career as an educator at Burns Middle School in Mobile, Ala., a teacher gave a math test that students and parents say had racist overtones and references to inappropriate subject matter." http://time.com/4354917/alabama-teacher-math-quiz/


After years of taking politically correct bullshit this teacher decided to give the whole school system the finger.  May her tribe increase.

bamawatson's picture

was leroy's coke fronted to him?

Implied Violins's picture

Yes, but he had to wait for the mule to 'deliver'. Assuming a half-ounce per condom and the mule takes two dumps per day, how many days will it take to deliver those two ounces if a dose of Ex-Lax cuts his dump time by one-third?

jeff montanye's picture

to me that is the least of the problems.  how can the question be answered unless we know how the hold is to be valued/sold, eight balls and grams or just grams.  and this question is not unique.  dwayne the pimp's question does not mention the pimp/ho split, just the john price of $85.  even if he gets it all he then has expenses other than his crack. it's this kind of poor question construction that has dogged my granddaughter's math homework for years.

peddling-fiction's picture

Without getting into the price of protection and the doing business license cut...

peddling-fiction's picture

Should we continue to go up the laddah?

GeezerGeek's picture

I never got past the first question. I'm still trying to figure out how a clip works win an AK. Mine uses magazines.

booboo's picture

shhh, let them keep top feeding that mag, it slows them down.

Luck Dragon's picture

Came here to post that... if only they said SKS they could have been right.

gonetogalt's picture

All my SKSs have a plentiful supply of 30 round mags...

Frito's picture

What if Dwaynes' Hos start workin more than 29 hours a week? He'll have to fork out for Obamacare too. That'll put a big dint in his crack stash.


So many unknowns there, does Dwayne need to pay child support? Does his momma got enough food stamps?

SumTing Wong's picture

Velvet Jones is going to have to alter his course and republish.

Syrin's picture

This is my favorite story of the year


Canadian Dirtlump's picture

You guys want to know the really bizarre twist to this? THIS is an actual common core question that passed muster:




“LaShamanda has a heterozygous big bootie, the dominant trait. Her man Fontavius has a small bootie which is recessive. They get married and have a baby named LaPrincess. What is the probability that LaPrincess will inherit her mama’s big bootie?”


p.s. major props on using Dwayne. Dwayne, DeWayne or Duane are my go to generic names for myself when asked by the likes of waiting lists, servers at restaurants and or strangers. I've developed Dwale as well ( Dwayne and Dale synthesized ). If I'm feeling particularly assoholic, I'll uncork my magnum opus. Randwale (Randy, Dwayne, Dale, all in one).

Fish Gone Bad's picture

Mix it up and try Lutz, or Donner party.  Bart Simpson used to crank Moe with some nice ones as well.

4thHorseman's picture
4thHorseman (not verified) Canadian Dirtlump Jun 2, 2016 6:57 PM

Don't forget Dyane

NoDebt's picture

"Well, now, when you whine that standardized tests are "culturally biased," you can't complain when they try to accommodate you!"


That's exactly what the guy at the liquor store said about this when I was in there buying a 40 a few minutes ago.


Fish Gone Bad's picture

I thought the math test was awesome.  Using that test, one can actually figure out what percentage of people in that shit hole of a school.... actually have a sense of humor.  One might even be able to figure out who can do algebra.

Congratulations to the teacher who found out the hard way that 17% of the population have no sense of humor.

newworldorder's picture

the 17% with no humnor will get his job tossed. With his name all over the internet - does this not have a "chlling affect" on his future prospects for employement?

In all alleged racial matters, someone alwasys has to be punished.

StychoKiller's picture

Other than some of the Proper names in the questions, can anyone truly say this is Rayciss?

Supernova Born's picture

Tyrone is clearly not one of Obama's sons.

Wookie's picture

I don't speak jive, I would have failed!

divingengineer's picture

"Oh, Stewardess! I speak jive"

Syrin's picture

Shieete foo.  Homeboy420 on XBox Live can track their rap, see what I'm sayin's fam?

DetectiveStern's picture

The parents probably complained because their dipshit kids couldn't answer the questions.

I mean really 8th grade is what 13? And they're still being taught basic multiplication and division?

Ms. Erable's picture

They couldn't answer the questions because they can't read them in the first place - never mind the actual math.

jerry_theking_lawler's picture

No child left behind. We'll be giving them a 6th grade eduation at 18 in no time at all....rediculous. If they can't cut the mustard, then they should be put in the ditched doing labor.

joego1's picture

Wow! Thats harder than Trump U. Must be tough to be a pimp these days. Gotta know math and stuff.

nmewn's picture

Hillary & Bubba will rue the day they brought that up...lol.

Bill Clinton Bagged $16.46 Million from For-Profit College as State Dept. Funneled $55 Million Back



SMC's picture

Should be an aptitude test for aspiring gang leaders!  LOL.

Stormtrooper's picture

Should be an aptitude test for aspiring PRESIDENTS!!!!

Dodgy Geezer's picture

This looks as if a teacher has found a joke quiz on the internet and mistaken it for a modern attempt to produce 'relevent' schooling.


So the boundary between satire and real life is no longer well understood by the establishment leaders. After all, we had been telling them that '1984' was NOT a manual, and look at what they did with that...

css1971's picture

Man. This was deliberate. The teacher knew exactly what he was doing.

peddling-fiction's picture

What´s wrong with simply trying to get folks interested in math.