MSNBC Cuts Live Coverage As Hillary Has "One Of The Worst Coughing Fits Ever" - Blames 'Seasonal Allergies'

Tyler Durden's picture

Unfortunately for Hillary, her earlier coughing fit was not a lone wolf attack. Right in the middle of her "Russia-Trump Conspiracy" lecture to reporters aboard her plan, she was forced to cut short her story by another "seasonal allergy" attack (odd aboard was is likely a heavily filtered air cabin), retreating to the safety of the front seats withe the reappearance of her African American 'handler' once again. Upon her return she explained that "we went back and checked and this happens to me every Labor day." Which seems odd... one assumes that any ill-timed meeting of world-leaders will have to take place in a hermetically-sealed room from now on...

*  *  *

As we detailed earlier... It's probably nothing, or maybe it isn't?

As Hillary Clinton began her speech at a rally in Cleveland, Ohio this afternoon, the democratic presidential candidate suffered what MSNBC anchor Ari Melber described as "one of the worst coughing fits I have ever seen." She coughed and cleared her throat through over 4 minutes of almost incoherent babble before MSNBC cut away, joking that hillary had quipped "every time I think about Trump I get allergic."

We are not so sure she can just blame this away on Trump however.

Should we be worried about this 69-year-old woman?


And just as she started another unprecedented coughing fit again, MSNBC cuts away to spare the public (around 4:45)


Is it such a conspiracy theorist comment to question just how her health is? Has anyone got an EpiPen?

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DownWithYogaPants's picture

She ate too much fudge! Marcia Fudge.

Mah babeh has a stanky twanky. Mah babeh has a stankeh twanky.

macholatte's picture


Now I know what happened.

“Reuters was primary video feed for the event, all other video delivery services were coming from the Reuters feed. When Reuters shut down, all other outlets lost the broadcast,” reports the Conservative Treehouse.

“Shut it Down!”: Reuters Orders Cameraman to Kill Positive Trump Footage


bamawatson's picture

i thought she was relating her reaction after eating huma danger's sharia pussy

BaBaBouy's picture


DownWithYogaPants's picture

Old Crone's disease?

Or perhaps it is a simple case of sniphilis.

She should just cough up her damned hair ball.

LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD's picture
LowerSlowerDelaware_LSD (not verified) DownWithYogaPants Sep 5, 2016 4:32 PM

It's a Pinocchio growing nose parallel. The more Hillary(!) lies the more Hillary(!) coughs.

I'm waiting for the "news" to ask her this: "Your Highness, if I may touch the hem of your pantsuit and ask you a question...  Why is it that your coughing fits become worse the more you lie?  After that question, where do I go for re-education camp, your Highness?"

remain calm's picture

I wonder how much urine she leaked after that coughing spell. Probably had to bring out a mop?

BaBaBouy's picture

Im SURE This News Item Will Be On Tonights' MSM NBC Nightly With Lester Holts ...

Bokkenrijder's picture

I wonder what she's allergic to. Perhaps the proletariat audience? Common folks? Hard working Americans?

Even the staunchest Hillary supports have to be questioning what the hell's wrong with her.

BaBaBouy's picture

What The Fuck Are The MSM's Gonna Do When THE Donald Is Debating Her ???????????????

Pinto Currency's picture

Hillary's got a post-stroke dysphagia problem, an amnesia problem, and seizure problem.

Still good.

Somebody give me the football - I don't think I'll accidentally push the button.

espirit's picture

They [the lizzard peoples] can only stay in the light for so long...

That's what it's allergic to.


Maybe as she's gagging on the floor during the debates (ha), The Don will do us a favor and drive a stake thru the heart.

beemasters's picture

Seasonal Allergies - Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring

jeff montanye's picture

that's why i see a terrorist attack or at least threats for the first debate so as to cancel them.  possibly kill them both as the power elite would rather the much more malleable v.p.'s, imo.

TeamDepends's picture

Can't wait for the debates: It's (cough) all (cough) a (cough) right (cough) make (cough) that (cough) a (cough) VAST (cough) right (cough) wing (cough) conspiracy. And yes (cough), I slept with (cough) Lewinsky (cough) no wait (cough) what I meant to say (cough) was that it was a video (cough)....

janus's picture

i've waited long enough.  not trying to push-down the thread, but i wanted to exercise my antipathy for all things hillary while this story stayed in the blue-box.  is janus taking a liberty in posting something he'd normally place at the end of the comments or on WB's thread?  sure, but this is hrc we're talking about.  as you all know, janus has for many years maintained a white-hot vendetta against hillary; with this in mind, please forgive janus as he assumes a certain license, abrogating a vague ethical code i normally abide with regard to manners here on the Hedge.

dear hillary,

i hate you.

and while this is for you nothing new, surprise is not what i'm after.  in attempting to establish the tone of this letter, i thought it best to cut right to the quick.  let me repeat, i hate you.  what does this mean for you?  well, to begin with it means you get lots of attention from janus.  in fact, i'm making a donation to your campaign right now: somewhere around 87.4% of my time over the next 62 days is to be reserved for thoughts of you and how much i hate you.  

there is something else you need to know:  God hates you.  if you need any proof in this regard, just watch the conspiracy videos of your rally yesterday in cleveland.  after that, pull up the conspiracy videos of you suffering mini-mal seizures on multiple occasions in public.  it seems the stench of your sins has arisen to the Heavens (from what i'm told, it smells of fermented sulfur).  it seems clear to me that God has been by you provoked; He's angry; He wants to torment you and make an hilarious spectacle of it; He wants to make an example of least that's the way it seems to me.

not that He needs any ideas, but janus took it upon himself to aid and encourage God in his determination to harass and menace you.  after several hours of praise and worship in thanksgiving for your misfortune, i suffered a bout of inspiration.  it was then that i opened the Holy Menu of torments and suffering -- the Bible -- and went looking for something perfect for-to smite you Bible-style.  

ah yes, the Old Testament.  all of it one mighty smiting after another.  it wasn't long before janus was in thrall.  what with all the plagues, boils, tumors, floods, earthquakes, pestilences, angels of death, rat infestations, locusts, frogs, rivers of blood, snarling bears, hungry lions, talking asses, fire, brimstone, Holy Bolts of Smiting Lightening!  what a book!  it was just too much to choose from...i was experiencing sensory overload fancying all these horrible catastrophes to be visited on you, hillary.  and so it was that i prayed thusly:

"Lord, i am no match for your creative genius when it comes to torment and harassing menace.  i therefore humbly ask that you show me what it is i should pray for.  what, oh Lord, shall i ask?  in what righteous form of smiting shall i rest my hope?  amen."

again janus opens the Bible and i turn to the New Testament.  will you believe it?  there must be a misprint.  it says something about loving your enemies and praying FOR them that hate you.  that can't be right.  must be a bad translation or something.  nope, those are the actual words in red.  and so i meditated on their meaning...suddenly it came to me: i am to love my enemies with tough love --  VERY tough love.  moreover, it only says to pray for them that hate doesn't say 'what' i'm supposed to pray for.  

first things first:  love your enemies (with some good olde fashioned tough love).  here you go, hillary, a heapin helpin of tough love from janus (make no mistake, i still hate your guts (nobody's perfect)). 

let's start with some advice.  we've got to do something about your image.  everybody (including, it would seem, God Almighty) hates you.  this explains your unpopularity.  people won't always vote for candidates they hate; and if this trend holds, it doesn't bode well for your chances.  so, let's audit hillary and see what it is that makes her such a target for hatred.

let's start with appearance.  when looking at you and your brother hugh, it's clear who got the looks.  not that hugh was easy on the eyes.  5 ft 6 and 300+ lbs and permanently perspiring does not the adonis make...still, hugh was the pretty rodham -- as those things go.  don't get me wrong, you're both turgid bundles of genetic garbage...i mean to say, when you smile it looks like the cheshire cat from wonderland...if the cat were autistic, over-medicated, morbidly obese, gassy, pasty and suffering a mini-mal seizure.  where was i?  oh yes, advice.

my advice is that you make some changes.  change everything...there is nowhere to go but up -- trust me.  go and visit your buddy janet reno's stylist.  bring back the prism glasses.  remember that traditional chinese pant-suit that xi made you wear in bejing?  that was awesome.  made you look like an autistic panda bear who's over-medicated, morbidly obese, gassy, pasty and suffering a mini-mal seizure.  don't be afraid to take fashion chances -- your style-instincts are always spot-on.  remember those multi-colored slacks from that pic at wellesley?  yeah, that's what i'm talking about.  get funky with the shoes, too.  you have such beautiful them off.  

then there's your voice.  you know how everybody hates the way you look?  well, your voice stokes a hatred of far greater intensity.  probably best if you don't talk.  pretend you're deaf and mute or something.  people won't hate you so much if they feel sorry for you.  learn sign language...your hands are so elegant... they look like gnarled bits torn from a hunk of rotten beef jerky, cured from the hide of a leprous them off.

think i'm exaggerating?  not by half.  it isn't just that your voice is demonic and creepy and vexing to one's equanimity, it's flat-out dangerous.  just this afternoon, as i'm playing the clip of your coughing fit and laughing my ass off, the most beautiful blue bird came to the feeder right outside my window.  his plume glowing iridescent azure, a few flecks of white on his undercarridge.  i called over to him, "hey there happy fella!  come and share those good vibrations with janus."  sure enough, this chirpy little flitter came flapping over close to my sill.  then tragedy strikes.  just as he alights on the ledge, the poor thing cocks his head, gets an earful of your introduction at the rally and then instantly keels over...dead as a doornail.  you killed my bluebird, hillary.     

i should also recommend that you work on your social graces.  ever notice how some people seem to have a magnetic charm...something in their nature that soothes people's intangible quality that leaves others well-disposed to that person?  you don't have any of that stuff; get some of it straight away, you're going to need plenty.  you have the opposite of charm.  i call it the "ugh factor'.  but your ugh factor is more like an exponent.  you're like ugh to the nth must use scientific notation to calculate your ugh...your ugh is quite literally off the charts.  for Christ's sake, bluebirds are dropping dead right and left at the sound of your voice!  it's time for action.  not to worry, tough love is here to intervene on your behalf.

additionally, and no matter what you've been told, people don't like wicked witches.  not really the archtype you want to project.  throughout history, witches have suffered at the hands of those that hate them...namely, everyone that knows them.  there is something about evil that most people find repellent.  sure, i know that in DC, the hamptons, beverly hills, etc, evil is the thing to be.  but, shocking though this may be, evil isn't well received in fly-over country.  you're going to have to pretend to be good (no matter how much it hurts).  for example, instead of sacrificing small animals to molech, try petting them.  watch videos of people being nice to animals on line if you need a reference.  normally, pets are to be scratched under the chin, not nailed to an upside down cross and offered to the devil.

what is more, children are more than just organ banks and transfusion pods.  sure, i'm aware of that one you made with web hubble...quite the looker, that chelsea (she has her mother's figure and her father's face...that little loser jew who can't even turn a profit with insider help from the state department sure is a lucky chap); but i'm talking about real children, like those who weren't bred for political expediency to make the wife of arkansas' new governor seem more 'human' and 'motherly'.  this should go without saying, but when a child is in your presence, try not to bite them...or at least keep it to a absolute minimum.  

now it's time for janus to pray for his enemies...from an abundance of tough love.

before i pray for you, hillary; let's be clear on what it is i should pray for.  all things considered, i don't think there's a chance the people will ever love you -- much less like you.  so let's shoot for some form of lukewarm ambivalence.  to my mind, the best way to secure this sentiment of listless disaffection is through pity.  likeability is just a bridge too far.  the chinese say that a thousand mile journey starts with a single step.  i say you'll never make it.  not with ankles like those.  

as was said, it's pity or bust for you, hillary.  ghastly tragedy is just the thing your campaign needs to boost it to victory in november.  i don't think another blood-clot will do this time.  blood-clots are sooooo boring!  you can't even see them.  altogether worthless on the pathos-meter.  and these seizures only make you look ridiculous.  when i see you jostling all around like a lunatic, i don't feel a tinge of sympathy...makes me want to smack you till your senses are resorted, if anything.  no, we need something theatric to tug at the heartstrings of grandmas in kansas.  something truly awful must befall you if you're to stand any chance at all.  

let's do some brainstorming before i start to pray for you, hillary.

how's about a massive gorder on the neck.  as a bonus, the growth will tighten that sagging skin from your chin to your shoulders.  have a look:

now check this out.  these are the latest fashions in elephantitis.  pick the style that suits you best.

not keen on deformities?  then debilitating disease may be just the thing.  roosevelt was able to leverage his polio into two additional terms...just think of the possibilities!  maybe a flesh-eating bacteria or leprosy or muscluar dystrophy. 

the point is, we have options and we have time.

for now, let us pray for God's Will to be done.  let's give Him room to operate and stop pretending we have all the answers.  i don't have any idea what debilitating disease God will smite you with, but i'm sure it'll be a doozey!

happy campaigning, hrc!

i'll be praying for you always.

love ;),



JohninMK's picture

Please God, restore the shift key on janus's keyboard so he can use it at the start of sentences.

janus's picture

i may just do that.  But if I give in to the rules of capitalization, where does that all end?  Next thing you know, I'll start wearing my seatbelt and paying parking tickets.  What then?  A regular sleep schedule?  No more smoking in bed?  Give up my membership in the biker gang?

Seriously, though, you may have a point.  But then I won't be so cool...the literary rebel who won't bother to shift+...I'll lose my whole sense of very identity.  

Seriously, though, I guess I'll use this as a good excuse to start capitalizing.  

This is a whole new era.  note: I reserve the right to uncap some proper nouns if I feel the noun in question deserves disrespect.



More Ammo's picture

Janus, With you on the lack of respect designates lack of proper case.

Manthong's picture

I had an interesting dream…

All of the MSM close to Hillary sycophant press had the same look on their faces that the curly-haired reporterette had while Hillary did the uncontrollable head spasms and Joker smile and they were informed that Hillary’s incessant coughing jags were, in fact, TB.


Grumbleduke's picture

The presidential election could be delayed or scrapped altogether if conspiracy theories become predictive and a candidate dies or drops out before Nov. 8. The perhaps equally startling alternative, if there's enough time: Small groups of people hand-picking a replacement pursuant to obscure party rules.


The article goes on to say that the electorial college doesn't need a popular vote aka no elections to be held, to elect a president. By knowing this, remember what Count Soros said: "Trump wins with a landslide the popular vote, but won't have the majority of the electorial college. 2+2=?

Manthong's picture

I would not be surprised if Hillary’s upper circle bosses determine her to be no longer effective or useful and take her out.

Whoa Dammit's picture

And later on the plane, she has to walk away from talking to the press due to another coughing fit (about 1 minute in). It's pretty gross how she coughs all over everybody--her aide standing next to her as well as lots of others get spewed on when she leaves and walks up the aisle to try to quell her coughing fit.

JLee2027's picture

She's so evil, even the demon inside is trying to escape her.

Nexus789's picture

It's what's left of her soul.

JLee2027's picture

The black medical guy with the injector pen is visible in that video. Great catch.

Shemp 4 Victory's picture


They [the lizzard peoples] can only stay in the light for so long...

It dries out their gills, even when retracted and covered with layers of makeup. Plus, I think she's due any time now for another molting.

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

His hands and suit needs to be laced with allergens, to trigger her coughing fits.

It starts soon after they shake hands, during her opening speech.

Urban Redneck's picture

What The Fuck is the MSM gonna do when Hillary passes out live on camera... kind of hard to blame "sniper fire" when her cranium is still intact.

I'd guess they'll claim dehydration.

Riga's picture

tech problem on standby

Dame Ednas Possum's picture

She's allergic to labour... both the concept of honest toil and the people who do it.

The scene is very telling of her true character as the self-centred, inconsiderate egotist doesn't even have the presence of mind to pull the microphone away when she coughs.

She's a horrible grub.

neutrino3's picture

Think she rehearses for that event.

Slomotrainwreck's picture

... ummm, 60 minute broadcast delay?

Klingon Foundation's picture

Not Allerg, I have heard it called "Spastic Dysphonia" 

the clinical description quoted below

Spasmodic dysphonia is a neurological disorder affecting the voice muscles in the larynx, or voice box. When we speak, air from the lungs is pushed between two elastic structures—called vocal folds or vocal cords—with sufficient pressure to cause them to vibrate, producing voice (see figure). In spasmodic dysphonia, the muscles inside the vocal folds experience sudden involuntary movements—called spasms—which interfere with the ability of the folds to vibrate and produce voice.

Spasmodic dysphonia causes voice breaks and can give the voice a tight, strained quality. People with spasmodic dysphonia may have occasional breaks in their voice that occur once every few sentences. Usually, however, the disorder is more severe and spasms may occur on every other word, making a person's speech very difficult for others to understand. At first, symptoms may be mild and occur only occasionally, but they may worsen and become more frequent over time. Spasmodic dysphonia is a chronic condition that continues throughout a person's life.

Spasmodic dysphonia can affect anyone. It is a rare disorder, occurring in roughly one to four people per 100,000 people. The first signs of spasmodic dysphonia are found most often in people between 30 and 50 years of age. It affects women more than men.

Reverend Galileo's picture

I get a case of spasmodic dysphoria every time I see her butt ugly face, LOL.

Reality Creator's picture

This once good site has become a den for childish adolescents. None of you know how to seriously critique Hillary Clinton for shit. At least the Sanders folks know how to give her a legitimate attack that is honorable and extremely harsh in its truth.

So what if Hillary is a lesbian? What happened to the libertarian honor of focusing on yourself and letting others be free of your invasion of their privacy? Are you really homophobic? Yes, you are and you are no libertarians.

So what if Huma is a lesbian? Both she and Hillary were married to the biggest loser men of all time, except of course these divorced jerk-offs on this comment thread. Fucking Bill and Anthony are scum, why don't you kids rattle their cages -- oh, right you're all a bunch of sexist pigs and you like Bill and Anthony.

0 Hedge used to have honorable and knowledgeable commenters, but now it's populated with an echo chamber of base insults from bitter little cry babies -- what a piece of shit.

And so what if Hillary is ill? Don't fucking vote for her then. You all are not nor ever will be libertarians, you are apolitical stooges.

Mute Button's picture

Says the guy with the kid pissing in the cup moniker.

Reality Creator's picture

That's pissing on the Tea Party to you

CaptainObvious's picture

You want a serious critique?  Okay, I will indulge you.

Hillary is spending all her time during her campaign shuttling from fundraiser to fundraiser, pandering to the ultra-wealthy, because this is what she does.  She trades favors for money.  In common parlance, she is a whore.  She avoids the press like a vampire avoids sunlight, and the only time she comes into contact with the common man is when she hosts a very carefully coordinated event during which hand-picked supporters ask pre-screened questions.  She's all hat and no cattle.

Her common sense, assuming she has any, was long ago blinded by her galloping ambition.  I read an account the other day of her early college days, and she followed the influential and politically-connected students around like a lap dog.  Why else would she stay with a serial sex offender who screwed around on her in front of the entire goddamn world?  Because she is ruled by her ambition.  This makes her 1) easily purchased, 2) easily lead, and 3) ruthless to her enemies, which are legion, and which are not all part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.  These are not the qualities you want your leader to sport.  Because if your leader sports these qualities, they are truly not a leader, but are instead a puppet being manipulated by the true leaders lurking in the shadows.  I've had enough of Rothschildian puppets, thanks.

When asked to list her accomplishments, Hillary's supporters get that deer-in-the-headlights look.  "She was a Senator!"  "She was First Lady!"  "She was Secretary of State!"  Those aren't accomplishments...those are titles.  Collecting titles is an accomplishment for the House of Windsor, mayhap, because they don't have anything more productive to do.  It's not an accomplishment in this race.  Accomplishments are tangible things, such as repealing laws that punish the middle class, or building a multi-billion dollar business that employs tens of thousands.  Not that Hillary hasn't had accomplishments.  It's unfortunate that all her accomplishments are negative things, like fucking up the Middle East even more than it was already fucked, or persecuting the women who pour out of the woodwork accusing her rapist scumbag asshole of a husband of being a raping scumbag asshole.  (And you think we like Bill here?  What drugs are you smoking, dude?  And, as far as I'm concerned, Carlos Danger can hang from the nearest lamppost by hs sagging ball sac.  Let's clear the air about that, why don't we.  The pathetic excuses for men those women are tethered to are just as vile and worthless as the women themselves.)

Then there's the whole Benghazi issue.  She clusterfucked that one to death.  Four people are dead thanks to this incompetent twat.  Actually, many more than four people are dead thanks to this incompetent twat, but that's a whole other ball of wax.  And do I even need to bring up the fact that she's so technology-challenged that she posted top secret data on a server that easily got hacked, violating a whole bunch of laws, and then violating a whole bunch more laws in trying to cover up the laws she violated in the first place.  She managed to buy her way out of that; what a grand accomplishment that was!

I couldn't give a flying fuck which dyke chews which carpet, or even who the dykes are.  But when a warmongering incompetent bumbling motherfucking moronic CUNT runs for president, then I won't be stingy with my insults.  All I want is to be left the fuck alone, no matter which figurehead is installed upon the throne.  I'm not naive enough to think that will happen, though.  We're all fucked no matter who takes the oath in January, because the oathtaker won't mean the words they're mouthing, and the oathtaker won't be the true person in charge in any case.

JLee2027's picture

Can you imagine her as POTUS and that bitch is too tired to get out of bed, or having a coughing spell and can't talk?  Presidents need huge amounts of energy and stamina.  She has neither.

CuttingEdge's picture

Look how many miles Ofuckwit has walked during his many rounds of golf was it?

Seriously, electing a halfwitted criminal with psychotic tendencies, who also stinks of piss (allegedly), as POTUS will not end well, though it will be a great poll on how many other halfwits there are in the US, I suppose.

post turtle saver's picture

if I had all the plus-ones in the world to give to you, it wouldn't be enough... well said

otschelnik's picture

succinct.  logically constructed.  A+  

Reality Creator's picture

BRAVO!!! What a great critique. This is what this site can be and aspire to. Please do not stop making sense, please do not indulge your baser instincts, this is what 0 Hedge is all about. Only correction is the writer assumes I like Clinton -- No Fucking Way.